《The Last Snow: Love Me Once Again For A Year》


 Chapter 1 - Prologue

    My name is Park Chunghee, which means fair and obedient, this name was given by my mother who died when I was five years old due to an accident. A week after my mother''s death, my father left me, and until now I had never seen my father again or heard his name.


    I once tried to find out where my father was; by asking people who knew him but in vain. With the vague information I had, it had conformed nothing.


    I didn''t know why my father left me when I needed him beside me.


    A woman?


    Or he felt depressed about losing his wife?


    I wasn''t certainly sure.


    In this situation, I was raised by my grandmother who was living in Sokcho, a city located in the northeast of South Korea. She was the one who played three roles at once namely as a grandmother, mother, and father. For seventeen years my grandmother gave me love; gave me much advice and educated me, she was the only family that I had.


    While I was in Sokcho, I had a playmate named Kim Daehyun. We were so close even though Daehyun was two years older than me. However, our friendship didn''t last long, Daehyun and his family moved to another city that I didn''t know where before my grandmother told me. I was quite sad at that time because Daehyun was the only friend I got along with so well.


    After I turned nineteen years old, I asked for leave to continue my study at the Technical University in Seoul, and with a heavy heart, I had to leave my grandmother alone.


    However, I always visited her in winter as I wasn''t that busy at that time.


    I studied the Technique of Graphic Design in Seoul, which kept me busy all day besides that, I also had a part-time job as a freelancer to translate videos, and this was the main reason why I rarely visited my grandmother that year.


    In the early fall of September 2002, in my third year at university when I turned twenty-one years old, I got the news that my only family in my life had been gone, and made me feel so frustrated so that I wanted to end my life.


    However, I remembered the advice my grandmother used to gave me that "Someone should not give up in living this life easily".


    Back then, I thought that it was just an old woman''s chatter, and ten years after her death, I realized that the chatter could make me stood up and lived a good life until I found someone who became my new family.


    Lee Donghwa was the name of a man who was both a lover and the only one I currently considered as my family. He was thirty-two years old same age as me.


    We had been in a relationship for ten years. Donghwa confessed his feeling when we were in the fourth year at university. I didn''t get along with him until Donghwa surprised me when he said that he liked me.


    We took the same study. However, we rarely met as we were often in different classes, Donghwa saw me in the cafe for the first time, but I had never noticed him until he confessed his feeling to me.


    At first, I didn''t care about him as I didn''t want to let him know that I was gay. However, as if Donghwa recognized it or it was me that had been smitten by him, Lee Donghwa could make me fall in love with him.


    After graduating, and been suspended in some companies, we decided to work in a different company. Why? I asked for it as there were many problems that we went through.


    Now, Donghwa became the president of a well-known company, and I was a senior staff member in a different company. Because of our busy schedules, we decided to live in the same apartment.


    There were many things that we went through to become like this, We had felt the bitterness of life in the world of work and enjoyed the results as we were now. But, unfortunately, those sweet things didn''t apply to our relationship.


    I had known Lee Donghwa for about ten years, and I knew how he acted. I would make sure that the current Donghwa wasn''t Donghwa when we were at our lowest point. But, either because of work or other causes, I didn''t mind as I loved him so much.


    However, I also knew that there would be a time when I would have to leave.


    Donghwa, I love you.


    Will you always be with me?

 Chapter 2 - The Advice Of A Priest 13 Years Ago

    This morning, Lee Donghwa was neat with the suit he was wearing. The black shirt combined with the dark red suit was compatible with him well. Seemingly, he was ready to return to work in his office.


    Meanwhile, I was busy in the kitchen. As soon as I saw him walking out of our bedroom, I greeted him immediately with a smile, "Good morning, I just made toast, don''t you want to have breakfast first?"


    Finishing my words, I put two plates on the table, with some toasts and chocolate jam, hoping that he would have breakfast with me this morning.


    Donghwa smiled and stepped towards me.


    In front of the dining table, Donghwa''s phone suddenly rang before he gave a response. He took out his phone from his pocket immediately and saw the incoming call for a moment, but he didn''t answer the call. He just said, "Uh, I can''t have breakfast with you this morning. I have to go right away...."


    Hearing this, I could only remain silent, without words, faking a smile to disguise the pain of the refusal.


    I truly wished that we could have breakfast together. Due to his busy schedules lately, he rarely spent the time to have breakfast with me.


    Lee Donghwa would usually leave early, even before I woke up in the morning. So, after our sexual activity last night and felt a little tired, I tried to get up early so we could have breakfast together as I thought that he was also in a good mood today. But, he just made me down with his answer.


    He turned and walked toward the door, followed by me behind him. He seemed so rushed, his phone kept ringing in his pocket. I could hear it, but I chose not to say anything and ignored it.


    When he was at the door, he stopped for a moment before he opened it. Then, he turned towards me and then held my face gently. He looked at me while saying, "Take care of yourself. I''ll be right back when the project is over ...."


    "..."


    "Um, maybe about two weeks ... I''ll call you when I have arrived, and you should give me news too. Don''t make me worry, okay?"


    I didn''t respond to him immediately. However, something had distracted me. Seeing that something was wrong with his finger, I tried to stop myself from asking, but it was in vain.


    "Donghwa, did you forget to put on your ring?" when I asked, I tried to say my words as softly as possible as I was afraid that he would get angry when I asked what I should be asking as a lover.


    Fortunately, Lee Donghwa was in a good mood today, so he replied in a casual tone, "Um, yeah, I forgot to put it on." As he said his words, he fumbled in his pocket, but with a confused look, he continued, "Looks like I forgot to take it on my desk. Don''t worry, I won''t lose it. I remember putting it in a drawer when I went to the toilet yesterday."


    I knew that it was a lie. But, hearing that answer, I tried to accept it and smiled.


    "Chunghee, you''re skinny. Don''t get sick while I''m not at home. If you need anything, call me, or you can call Hoonsik." Lee Donghwa continued.


    Finishing his words, I was about to say something. The tip of my lips had lifted slightly, and the words were already on the tip of my tongue. However, somehow all of them just swallowed up and only ended up with a fake smile.


    After saying that, he kissed my forehead. That simple treatment made me melt as if it made me forget how he was out there. Wild and forgetful.


    Only this time, I heard something that sounded worrying me out of his sweet lips, since the last few months. I thought that he had changed. However, hearing his words just now, it seemed that nothing had changed, it''s just me who had a bad thought of him, perhaps.


    I watched at him walk out of the apartment until he entered the elevator, then closed the door immediately when he was out of my sight.


    I sat at the dining table while enjoying the toast that was getting cold in front of me. In loneliness, I thought about something that was spinning in my head.


    Honestly, I truly wanted to tell him that I had been having a lot of headaches lately. I wanted him to accompany me to check on my condition in the hospital, but it didn''t seem like it would happen, seeing how busy he was with his works or even with some of his toys out there.


    He said that he was working on a new project, so he often left the apartment and came home late, or even didn''t come home for weeks or months. I didn''t know what kind of project it was, as he had never told me and I had never asked him about it.


    However, because of the busyness he said, I felt forgotten. I realized that he had ignored me for quite a while, since these nearly three years, or it was long before these three years.


    It made me feel like our relationship was growing apart. It didn''t mean that I didn''t like his busy life, but it was better to spend as much time as before as we used to do.


    Awakening from this thought, I tried to not think about it too far. I got up from the chair, and began to clean this room, and then tidied up our bedroom.


    In the bedroom, I saw the gel that we used last night and reached for it, looking at it for a moment and then putting it into a drawer. I smiled as I thought about Donghwa who was overly excited during our ''nighttime activity''. However, I suddenly felt sad when I thought that Donghwa looked like he only came to make love with me.


    I realized that I had a sexual deviation for a long time ago. It was over nineteen years ago since I turned thirteen years old.


    At that time, I believed that I had a crush on a boy. I missed my playmate, Kim Daehyun ¡ª my childhood friend. I did an embarrassing thing as only I missed him so much and wanted to see him again.


    Our last meeting had been so long. Since I was six years old. Even though Daehyun was two years older than me, he was the best friend I had ever known. For two years we were together, and on my eighth birthday, his family and he left Sokcho and I never saw him again until now.


    However, even though it had been a long time, I could still remember the image of his face even though it was faintly in my head.


    Since I realized that I was gay, I started to get scared of this feelings. I was afraid that people would avoid me. So from then on, I tried to forget Daehyun and not lost in my feelings.


    I once came to a church when I was seventeen, and told this thing to a priest. The priest advised me that every human was created in pairs ¡ª man and woman, and what I experienced was a mistake.


    The words of the priest always kept buzzing in my head and made my fear even bigger, so I decided to change myself. However, it didn''t take long until I met someone ¡ª Lee Donghwa.


    Donghwa was the first person who made me dare to take the risk of becoming a sinner. I didn''t know what made me fall in love with someone like him, who made me forget about the advice of a priest 13 years ago. Handsome? I admitted it, but it wasn''t a reason why I loved him so much.


    This relationship was taboo and I knew it quite clearly. I could only wait for God''s decision.


    Would God bless it or even wrath? Somehow God would end it.

 Chapter 3 - A New President

    An hour passed. After cleaning this spacious apartment, I took off my pajamas, then went into the bathroom and soaked in the bathtub.


    Amid the silence, I remembered Donghwa from the past few years and made me smile. Our togetherness in those previous years was bitter and sweet, and we passed it with a smile.


    But, when I thought about it, my head suddenly hurt so badly. I winced in pain with my hands gripping my hair tightly.


    It was an intense pain that seemed to burst my head. But, fortunately, it didn''t last long, I could have died as holding in this headache made me feel like I was out of breath.


    I was stunned like an idiot in the bathtub with a bitter smile and this sickness.


    After taking a bath, I got ready to head to work immediately and left without stalling any longer. I arrived at the company a few minutes later.


    Today was an unlucky day for me. Mr. Hye, a manager in this company was furious when he knew of my lateness for almost an hour.


    In the Design Department where I worked, everyone was too busy. There were many designs piled on the table. All of them were unfinished advertising projects for the new brand of this company, while the marketing schedule was like a shadow hanging beneath our feet, and like a ghost that was haunting.


    "Ehm! Attention everyone!"


    Mr. Hye walked in, and we stood up immediately. Behind him, there was a man without a smile with a cold face.


    "He is the new president of this company. Starting today, he will replace Mr. Kim Myungdae."


    Everyone bowed to pay their respect, including me as a formality.


    The man then stepped forward until he was in front of the manager, then looked around coldly, yet with alluring eyes.


    When I saw him, he was like Donghwa ...


    I wanted to laugh at my thought just now, but since I still needed this job, it would be better if I didn''t do it at all.


    "I am Kim Daehyun." he paused his sentence, eyeing people in this room expressionlessly, then continued, "From now on and in the future this company will be fully held by me."


    Hearing his name, I was shocked instantly. It was the same name as someone I knew, but it had been drowned in my mind since a long time ago.


    ''Is that Daehyun? Or do they just have the same name?''


    "Hey, you!"


    Seeing the new president set his sight on me, I pointed to myself to reassure, "M-Me?"


    The new president was silent and looked at me with his sharp investigating eyes.


    "Ah, Mr. Kim, he is Park Chunghee. He is one of the trusted staff in this department." Mr. Hye spoke proudly.


    The president named Kim Daehyun raised his eyebrow after Mr. Hye introduced me, then his gaze became gentle immediately and quite familiar, but still in an arrogant tone while talking, "Oh, I see... Alright, starting today, you become my assistant. Come to my office 30 minutes later."


    Hearing that, my eyes suddenly widened when I heard the sudden decision. "Huh?! B-but sir ... I¡ª"


    Without a response, he left this place indifferently, followed by Mr. Hye behind him. However, before the door closed, I could see a warm smile etched faintly on his face.


    I sat back down limply. Being an assistant had never crossed my mind.


    The people in this department congratulated me, but it didn''t make me delighted. I just forced a smile to cover up my anxiety about this new position.


    Lucky or unlucky?


    It had been 30 minutes. I walked into the elevator to go to the president''s office. There were several staff and employees in it, but all of them stopped at a lower floor than me.


    Arriving at the floor that I was headed for, I stared at the new president''s office for a moment before knocking on the door.


    However, even though I knocked on it a few times, there was still no answer and it made me a little annoyed.


    After a few minutes of waiting and there was only silence, I was about to return. However, when I turned around, I accidentally bumped into someone in front of me.


    I lifted my head quickly.


    At first, I was about to curse, but as I was surprised to see that this person was our new president in this company, my lips suddenly closed by themselves. I immediately bowed and apologized.


    The president smiled. His cold and arrogant demeanor turned into friendliness which made him seemed like a different person.


    "Chunghee, come on in ..." While saying, he walked in and I followed him behind.


    I looked around. This room also looked different than before, and if I asked my opinion, I would choose the current room design for this new president. He had good taste, it suited his appearance.


    "You''re a meticulous person too ..." the president was still smiling, and somehow that smile always reminded me of Donghwa.


    I looked at him in surprise but didn''t give any response.


    "Sit down." he sat on the desk and looked at me elegantly.


    Sighing, I spoke, "May I ask you something, sir?"


    His gaze turned serious. He folded his arms across his chest, then raised his left eyebrow. And without speaking, that expression already showed his words.


    I sighed once again, "Are you serious about it, sir?"


    "About what?" he asked indifferently as if he was asking as a formality.


    "About... assistant ... I ... hmm ..." I didn''t need to explain it anymore. By just saying the word ''assistant'', his expression seemed understanding.


    He exclaimed, "Oh, yes, I am!"


    At first, I hesitated, but finally, I forced myself to say, "But, I''m sorry. I can''t, sir ..."


    I tried to say the refusal as politely as possible so as not to offend him.


    I truly couldn''t accept that decision, regarding the assistant. It didn''t mean that I didn''t like it, but I just didn''t want to get busier than this presently. Apart from wanting to spend time with Donghwa, lately, works made me feel exhausted and dizzy.


    I felt that I was unwell these days.


    In this state, I was still thinking about our relationship. It was an unbearable sadness.


    ''If I can do it, why can''t you, Donghwa?''


    I kept repeating the same question every second, every minute, every night before I fell asleep with the hope that Donghwa could hear it and gave an answer for me immediately, but nothing.


    "Do you have a cigarette?"


    I nodded, then took the cigarette from my pocket and held it to him. He moved behind the desk, looking for something in the expensive-looking black desk drawer.


    Knowing what he was looking for, I held out a lighter, and he grabbed it with the same smile.

 Chapter 4 - Long Time No See (1)

    I frowned, "Sir, you shouldn''t smoke here."


    "Why? This is my office," he spoke while lighting a cigarette, then smoked lazily.


    I didn''t respond. Those words didn''t need a response. He then returned my cigarette and lighter.


    I grabbed them, and asked, "Sir, actually, why did you just ask me to come here?"


    Hearing that question, he froze for a moment. He then rubbed the tip of his cigarette on his desk, then slowly approached me until he was right in front of me with such a close distance.


    But, something unexpected happened a second after he was in front of me.


    He hugged me!


    Surprised by that sudden action, I lost my mind and froze as his hug getting tighter.


    "Chunghee, this is truly you ..." he spoke in a whisper where sadness and joy merged.


    "Si - Sir?"


    After a few seconds of silence in the same position, he let go of his hands. Her eyes reflected a clear joy, then held my arms softly, "Chunghee, it''s me, Kim Daehyun. Did you forget me?"


    I frowned, staring at him closely like a postage stamp. At first, I thought that I heard the wrong name, until the second time when he said the same name, I almost screamed.


    "Daehyun?!" my voice felt stuck in my throat. I was very surprised, and even more surprised than before.


    Kim Daehyun smiled, exuding a comfortable atmosphere, "Chunghee, long time no see ...."


    Still, in a state of disbelief, I unconsciously stepped back a little. With my eyes wide opened, I wanted to say something but all my words were swallowed up.


    But, suddenly, Kim Daehyun pulled my arm, and immediately I was in his warm embrace. However, as I wasn''t used to it, I pushed his body back away.


    "Chunghee, what''s wrong? It''s me, Kim Daehyun, the boy who used to accompany you to play when you were a child." Kim Daehyun spoke with disappointment in his voice. He looked at me with sincerity in his eyes, and it looked so amazing. He then continued, "Do you remember, that time I protected you from other kids who bully you, did you forget? Don''t let me down."


    "Daehyun ... is that you?" I was speechless, so could only ask to confirm in a hoarse voice.


    "Yes, yes, it''s me."


    Honestly, I didn''t forget. I remember him very clearly but just didn''t expect that we would meet after our years of separation. He was Kim Daehyun, my childhood friend, and a friend who always protected me from the other kids who bullied me.


    I still remembered everything, even very clearly in my head.


    At that time, Kim Daehyun was the only kid that I could get along with, where others always thought that I was weird and cowardly, but Kim Daehyun even thought of me as a funny and nice person. I didn''t understand what those words meant, but I couldn''t fool myself that I was happy with the compliment. None of the other kids would say such cute words to me except him who was being the only one. I was pleased and appreciated it.


    Every afternoon, under the gardenia, we would meet there, telling each other about the things we had passed those days. Even though he was always in a hurry to come back, I still felt glad to be able to spend my time with him.


    In fact, with our closeness at that time, I once thought that we would live together in the future; would grow old together as time went by; where he would protect me and I would always praise him.


    Yes, I used to have that kind of expectation as naive and hasty as a minor thought. However, I believed it and even enthusiastically that one day we would become lovers.


    Nonetheless, one day in the afternoon, I was waiting for him at the same place, but he didn''t come. I came back with disappointment and returned the next afternoon, but still didn''t see him. I came to that place for a week, but I kept getting the same disappointment, then cried.


    Until, one day, my grandmother found me crying, and asked me. I gave an honest answer, without hiding anything, then he also gave me unexpected news, where Kim Daehyun and his family had moved.


    Since then, I had never had a friend like him anymore and often spent time alone. Before entering High School, I began to open up a little and found some friends.


    However, at this time, after suddenly leaving without me knowing at that time, Kim Daehyun came back like a big surprise.


    I spoke very awkwardly, "Um, sorry, I was just a little surprised. I had never expected that we would meet in this place."


    Even though I felt a little awkward, I couldn''t fool myself that I was happy with our meeting. It was so sudden, but it was like repeating a past story that had been discontinued.


    Hearing this, Kim Daehyun chuckled, "Chunghee, I had never expected that you''re working in this company either. But, isn''t this a very coincidence, or is it a fate?" Kim Daehyun spoke in jest.


    There were a lot of things that I wanted to ask him after years of leaving without a word, but since it was still working time, I couldn''t stay in this office any longer and had to leave immediately.


    However, before leaving this room, Kim Daehyun asked me to have lunch with him at 1 o''clock, and I agreed.


    After that, I came out with a smile of joy. I was glad to meet an old friend as if all the painful things that I had experienced over the years with someone I loved had never felt at all. It''s a little manipulative, but it wasn''t bad to make me forget about how Lee Donghwa cheated on me out there.


    As soon as I arrived at my office, I continued my work with joy on my face. People wondered, and thought that it was because I just had been appointed as an assistant to a young boss who had recently become the president of this company.


    However, I chose not to give a response and thought of our meeting as if it were a dream that came true.


    Since our separation, I had not seen Daehyun since his family and he left Sokcho. However, unexpectedly, God brought us together twenty-two years later.


    I couldn''t hide the joy, twenty-two years were a long time as separation.


    When I looked at him with a smile, I saw tremendous changes. He was handsome and became a real adult, even with his current success. I also didn''t think that he could recognize me so easily.


    This meeting was like repeating the past. Kim Daehyun was the best person I was close to at a young age, and now he came with changes that I hardly recognized.

 Chapter 5 - Long Time No See (2)

    At 1 p.m, Kim Daehyun and I sat facing each other at a fancy restaurant in the middle of the city. The location was quite far from the company, and it seemed like Kim Daehyun didn''t mind at all.


    At first, I thought that he asked me to come into his room for something important, and apparently, he just wanted to make sure that I was Park Chunghee he knew. So, after talking for a while, and because of works, I left his room. Actually, I left with an annoying feeling as he had asked me to come to his office for no reason, but I just didn''t want to say anything and got back to work.


    During this break, Daehyun asked me to have lunch together, with the reason for celebrating our meeting after all these years.


    I grabbed the menu and looked at the fantastic price lines on the menu, and thought that he was taking me to a five-star restaurant in this city.


    "Chunghee, your face hasn''t changed at all. It''s still as cute as before." while saying, Kim Daehyun looked at me with sensual eyes that usually drove the opposite sex crazy.


    I smiled stiffly. Those words were like flattery for his annoying joke. It sounded redundant. How could it not change? Now I was thirty-two years old, whereas our last meeting since I was eight years old.


    This meeting made me feel so uncomfortable. Daehyun who was different than before made me feel like talking to another person.


    "Chunghee, you look pale, are you sick?" Kim Daehyun asked with worry.


    I looked at him in surprise, "Hmm? I''m fine."


    "But you look pale." there was worry in his eyes when he looked at me. "I watched you since in my room earlier. Are you sure you are okay? Don''t let yourself pass out, if not, I have to give you a breath. I won''t hesitate to do it."


    Kim Daehyun purposely made his face more serious, and I could see how he was doing that pretense, just to make his jokes sounded serious. But, it sucked.


    "What are you saying? Do you really want me to get sick? It''s heartless."


    Hearing those words, Kim Daehyun chuckled, "I don''t mean it. I''m just kidding."


    I just smiled. Actually, after what I had been through for the past few years, it made my taste of humor even worse. All of the lies I got allowed me to hide my feelings as well as how Donghwa hid his badness.


    After our big fight about three years ago, where he completely lost his mind at that time, I tried to be obedient once again until now. But, he even took advantage of my generosity, even always doing it. I was just like an idiot who kept hoping that he could go back to be someone I loved for the first time back in college.


    But, what should I do? If I left him, I would have no family anymore and would rot alone.


    "Chunghee, as I thought, you do look unwell today."


    Kim Daehyun''s words brought me from the gloom. I also tried to focus and tried to think about it.


    After a few seconds of thinking about it, now I understood. I didn''t get enough sleep because of many things that made it hard to close my eyes in the previous days.


    Not long after, our food was delivered. I grabbed the fork and spoon immediately and tasted it. The taste was quite good, according to the price listed.


    In the middle of our lunch, I thought of Lee Donghwa. From the bottom of my heart, I hope that Donghwa was the one who was currently with me. I wanted us to be what we were before he was as busy as now and changed.


    However, because I was currently with someone else, I was trying to divert my mind by talking about what I should be complaining about.


    "Daehyun, about assistant ...."


    "I don''t care! You have to be my assistant." Kim Daehyun answered firmly.


    "But ..." I was just about to make a complaint, but Kim Daehyun immediately cut in before I could say anything, "Chunghee, please ..."


    The hope in his eyes seemed to force me. That''s sneaky. I was faced with only one choice, so I had to agree with it. If not that because I knew him, I might have resigned for now.


    He smiled. Joy appeared on his face at once and his beauty shone joy in his eyes.


    I sighed heavily and changed the topic immediately.


    "Daehyun, where did you move at that time? You know, I cried when I know that you left town."


    Daehyun laughed at those words immediately. He said that what I took to be serious was exaggerated. He continued to laugh before starting to tell so expressively about the time when he and his family left Sokcho. I also became a good listener for him.


    After lunch, Daehyun asked me to attend a meeting with him. However, I refused it, for the reason that I still had a lot of works to do.


    "Chunghee, come on. Leave those works ...." Kim Daehyun spoke with a little compassion.


    "I told you I wasn''t ready today." paused for a moment, I started to think then went back to talking, "Next week. I promise."


    "Huh?! I can wait, but the works can''t do that..." thought for a moment, He continued, "Heh, OK, tomorrow. I don''t want to know any reason from you. Get it?"


    Hearing that decision, I could only nod. Even though it was still too quick, the decision had tolerated my refusal.


    Then, he drove me to work before going to a meeting this afternoon. I rushed to my room and continued my work.


    Until late afternoon, I had not finished my work.


    I reached for my phone and looked at the screen. Donghwa had not given me any news yet. I intended to contact him but changed my mind immediately as I was worried that it would interfere with his works, so I decided to text him.

 Chapter 6 - Five Years Was Happiness, Another Five Years Was Misery

    About the assistant, I had two opinions in my head. I wanted to tell Donghwa about it. But on the other hand, there was a rejection when I remembered that Donghwa had never told me about his works.


    I took a deep breath and decided on one thing. I grabbed my phone again, then looked at the clock that showed 6:06 p.m.


    ''If he replies to my message today, then I will tell him this news ...''


    However, what I hoped for was just a waste. Donghwa didn''t reply until 9:30 p.m.


    With disappointment, I cleaned up my files and left this place immediately. I thought that I was just like an idiot who kept waiting for a message from him.


    This was common. Whenever he was at work, he always ignored me and gave reasons for being busy repeatedly. It seemed that his works were more important than giving news.


    I never asked him to reply to my messages using an explanation. I just need a "yes" or "no" from him.


    I also didn''t ask him to reply to my messages quickly. No matter the time of day, I would always wait for his news within 24 hours.


    If I slept, then I would wake up for him. If I was busy, then I would spend a little time between my busyness to reply to a message from him.


    I didn''t care how busy I was. If he asked about how I was doing, I would always take my time to give him the news. It''s because I knew that being neglected was painful, and I didn''t want him to feel what I feel, even if he was the only one who taught me what pain meant.


    Tired? I was quite tired of these all and endured because I loved him. Whenever those bad thoughts came to my head, I would distract them by remembering our togetherness at the beginning of our relationship.


    Five years was a wonderful time in our relationship. It''s not easy to forget about everything in those years.


    Sometimes I asked myself, ''do you think the same as me? Or, do you still have time to think about me while you are busy?''


    To be honest, I wanted to know how he had felt during these three years, why had he changed gradually? Why didn''t he come home for months so many times?


    I could tolerate him if he didn''t come back for a week; twenty days; or for a month. But, for months it had gone too far.


    Fortunately, my patience seemed limitless, and I was able to smile at him as he returned carrying the poison in his body. So, now the poison was like marijuana that could make me unconscious from the pain.


    If he did it from the start of our relationship, then I could run away from him and pretended that I had never known him or never had a relationship with him.


    But, ten years was a quite long time in a relationship between two men. It''s too hard for me if I wanted to escape from him at this time. Apart from being accustomed to hurt feelings, I was already a fool and would still be a fool.


    I endured his selfishness and childish nature. I didn''t even complain about all of it and kept silent to fight his stubbornness. However, he had never understood why I was doing all of this for him.


    In the past, Lee Donghwa was a touchy person. However, the good years in our relationship made him complacent with worldly rottenness.


    Accursed!


    At least, that''s what I wanted to tell him, but I couldn''t. However, I was too weak to stand in front of him. Maybe because I got used to keeping succumbing to him.


    Thinking of those all made me unaware that my tears were dripping in the corner of my eye. It was very painful.


    Five years was happiness, another five years was misery.


    Shortly thereafter, while downstairs, a taxi stopped. I immediately entered it, then asked the taxi driver to take me to the address of my apartment.


    I was silent along the way, staring at the night in the city of Seoul while holding back my sadness.


    The distance between our house and the company was not that far. It only took twenty minutes to walk and about ten or fifteen minutes by taxi.


    However, the feeling had completely changed from previous years. Now, it was as if I traveled through two cities. It felt the time was longer and boring.


    Until a few moments later, I arrived at the apartment, and it was almost midnight. Limply, I opened the door and entered immediately, then walked into the bedroom where there was only darkness and silence in it. Taking off my clothes, I went into the bathroom and showered.


    After that, wearing my pajamas, I laid down on the bed to rest my body and mind. I was exhausted by those two things.


    However, just as I rested my head on the pillow and closed my eyes, the sound of my phone that was vibrating loudly made me open my eyes immediately.


    I grabbed my phone that was on the table quickly, hoping that it was a call from Donghwa. But that hope was still the same as before, ending in disappointment.


    It wasn''t him, but the call from a new number.


    My forehead wrinkled without me noticing. Feeling hesitant for a moment, I answered the call to find out the owner of the number who made this call.


    As soon as I picked up the call, someone''s familiar deep voice immediately sounded from a different line, "Chunghee, where is your address? I want to give you these files ..."


    I was silent for a moment. Hearing the voice from the man on the phone, I could recognize the owner of the voice immediately.


    He was Kim Daehyun.


    He made me happy to meet him for the first time, but not for now. this time, this guy pissed me off; annoying me when I wanted to fall asleep; and giving me a new job when I needed a break.


    I scolded him first before giving my address.


    After speaking, I went to the living room and turned on the television while smoking a cigarette to wait for Daehyun who was on his way to my place, carrying files from the former assistant before.


    I didn''t enjoy watching the channel. However, because I felt this room was too quiet for me, the sound of television became the filler of silence.

 Chapter 7 - He Was With Someone Else

    However, suddenly I started to feel headaches again like a hard hit that hit my head directly. I squeezed my hair with both of my hands quite firmly, while trying to hold the throbbing pain.


    With trembling legs, and blurred gaze, I forced my feet to stand up; looking for medicine in the cupboard which might relieve my headache, but I found nothing.


    I just dropped my body on the ground. My legs didn''t have the strength to stand up. I could do nothing but grimace at the pain in my head, enduring all of the pain that seemed to make me die.


    After a few minutes, the pain began to subside. I stood up slowly and walked toward the bathroom to wash my face from the tears before returning to the living room.


    Seeing the cigarette laid on the ground, I picked it up, lit it, and leaned back anxiously.


    Until the sound of the doorbell rang, and I could guess that it was Kim Daehyun. I opened the door immediately and sure enough that it was him.


    He put the files on the table and sat on the sofa. I sat beside him and opened some of the files.


    A few moments later, realizing that Daehyun didn''t look like he wanted to leave, I spoke, intending to shoo him away softly, "Daehyun, it''s late at night. You have to go."


    "I''m so tired today." he leaned back on the sofa, then closed his eyes.


    I looked at his face that looked tired. He must have been through a lot of things today.


    I asked, "Where did you get my number?"


    Daehyun didn''t answer. He kept his eyes closed, and didn''t move.


    I thought that he was asleep, so I tried to wake him up by touching him.


    However, when I touched his face with the index finger, a smile disguised his tiredness, "Do you live here alone?"


    I pulled my hand back immediately and felt so embarrassed, almost speechless, "Ah, that''s ... with my friend ..."


    "Friend ..." Kim Daehyun opened his eyes carefully, then glanced at me, and I immediately looked away.


    "You smoke? It doesn''t suit the way you look."


    "Shut up. You''ve talked too much."


    He chuckled before the silence fell. This awkwardness couldn''t make me think of an idea to open a new conversation. I glanced at him, and he also seemed to be thinking about something.


    After seeing his state for a moment, I turned my eyes back on the table to the pile of files on it with a void in my eyes.


    However, a few moments later, Daehyun''s voice suddenly sounded, like the wind breaking the silence, "Chunghee, long time no see ..."


    I knew that Daehyun was looking at me currently. I could feel how his sharp-eagle-eyes could pierce my defenses. But without courage, I didn''t want to turn around and looked at his face. I could only be silent without a topic of conversation.


    Daehyun sighed heavily, then said, "Okay, looks like I have to come back soon."


    Finishing his words, he stood up and tidied his suit. Meanwhile, I stared at him as he currently started walking toward the door before following him from behind.


    "Oh yes, my number ¡ª it''s mine. You should save it." at the door, he turned, "... And about the files, I''m counting on you, okay?"


    Smiling, he touched my head. However, that treatment took me abruptly by surprise and reflexively I put his hand away from my head roughly. I didn''t want him to touch me like that. It seemed very intimate - I wasn''t used to it if someone else had to do it.


    I waited for him until he was completely out of sight, then closed the door and returned to the sofa, staring at the files blankly.


    When I found my thoughts, I also thought that that man wanted to keep me from sleeping all night.


    Kim Daehyun and I were childhood friends. Even though he was two years older than me, I had never called him ''big brother'', it seemed strange and a little bit distant.


    However, until now, he had no complaints at all and seemed fine to just call his name.


    I used to have feelings for him. However, falling in love with him was a long-gone memory for me. That feeling was only in the past as I had found someone to fill his place in my heart. But sadly, it seemed that I had given a place to a bastard like him, and am now caught up in my own feelings.


    I smiled stupidly when that thought suddenly flashed into my head.


    After observing the files, I turned off the television, then brought the files into Donghwa''s workroom, and put them on the desk. Then, I turned on the computer to start working on it, until past midnight, which was 1:00 am.


    I had entered all of the data. I had also arranged all of the appointments for Mr. Kim, the annoying boss. Honestly, I was a little annoyed with him for giving me this job.


    Lying on the bed, I checked my phone, and how surprised I was when I saw a call from Donghwa nearly two hours ago. I woke up and called him back immediately.


    For the first call, he didn''t answer, but without giving up, I tried to call him one more time and a familiar voice came over the line.


    "Why didn''t you pick up your phone?!"


    His voice surprised me. This feeling of joy became a pain when I heard him snap at me like that. However, I tried to hide that feeling even though I spoke a little haltingly, "I''m sorry ... I didn''t hear it. Earlier I¡ª"


    toot.


    Donghwa hung up before I finished my words. I was stunned, smiling stupidly with this pain while gripping my phone tightly.


    However, I didn''t want to blame him and beaten myself up when bad thoughts came back into my head.


    ''This is my fault. I made him angry.''


    ''Really? Then why am I crying?''


    There was a thing that hurt, like getting stabbed by a knife right in my heart without mercy. While talking, I heard a voice from a man, and I was sure that man wasn''t far from him while the call was in progress. It was a ''moan'' and I heard it quite clearly even though the voice sounded restrained.


    I laid back down and pretended to be deaf. However, no matter how much effort it was, my heart wasn''t good at reversing my feelings so that the tears flowed endlessly.


    ''What have you been doing all this time?''


    ''Do you still love me?''


    I thought, ignoring me all this time had been the most painful thing for me, but in fact, Donghwa was doing things that hurt my feelings more than before, and all I could do was saying that I was okay, as long as I could still think of myself as good.


    I tried to close my eyes; trying to endure this painful thing until I fell asleep tired of this thought, just so that I didn''t feel anything.

 Chapter 8 - Pleasant Beginning And Painful Ending

    In the morning after the rain. A phone call in silence made me wake up in shock. Under the dim light, drowsiness still dominated, but the ringing of the phone was the most disturbing thing.


    It was a call from Daehyun that I couldn''t reject. Sighing softly, I rubbed my eyes then reached for the phone that was near the pillow, and looked at the screen that was still showing 6:00 a.m with sleepy eyes, and then answered the call immediately.


    As soon as I picked up the phone, Daehyun''s cheerful voice was heard on another line, "Hello, Chunghee, good morning, did you sleep well last night?"


    I know that it was just a chit chat. Without caring, I asked him to tell me shortly, the gist of what he was trying to say.


    "What''s the matter?"


    Kim Daehyun chuckled. Supposedly, he knew that I didn''t want to hear a small talk from him. He spoke, "Chunghee, I want you to come to my apartment right now. I can''t bring these files to you, so I want you to come to my place, then take them. I''ll send you my address."


    "But ¡ª"


    I was about to refuse to come, but Kim Daehyun cut in before I said anything.


    "Chunghee, I don''t want to hear any refusal of you," he spoke sternly, sounding as if he didn''t want to hear any words of me.


    I was silent for a few seconds before agreeing.


    "Hm, all right," I said desperately as if I had no choice. I thought that refusal would only make the two of us arguing about it, so I gave in.


    I had always been used to give in to Lee Donghwa''s selfishness, so it wasn''t difficult for me to give in to the things like this.


    After speaking, a message immediately arrived on my phone and it was the address of his apartment.


    Silence for a moment, then I went into the bathroom immediately. In front of the sink mirror, before taking a bath, I looked at myself who looked pathetic. Then, imagine the past that seemed pleasant at first. Everything made me smile even though it was hurtful. Laughing despite the hardships and still feeling a sense of joy in the many sufferings of the difficult times.


    It''s all because Donghwa in his youth was such a pleasant person, so I didn''t even think about how hard it was that time we had, because he always made me smile.


    Sometimes I thought and wondered to myself, ''Does he not like me anymore? Is it because my physique is no longer the same as in the past?''


    However, he once promised me, that he would always be with me. Did he forget his promise?


    The promise he made on our graduation ten years ago ...


    Did he forget?


    I didn''t know ... let alone a promise that had been agreed at that time and had passed a lot of time with a lot of suffering and happiness, all of those were nothing. For just news of him, it was like a heavy thing and hard to keep in his memory.


    Then, another thought crossed my head, like a hand squeezing my brain in my head. The pain of this thought went through my heart and broke my bones.


    I could feel how the pain shredded my body gradually.


    Remembering the voice of a man who was with him on the phone the moment we were talking last night, I thought that our relationship was broken, but I kept hoping that everything would be fine; thinking that Donghwa would never betray me.


    That was stupid. I knew it more than anyone. However, I also didn''t want to lose that hope.


    I smiled bitterly, feeling sorry for myself. Now, such a beautiful relationship was like an old memory, a questionable tale. Had it happened or was it just a dream that was so real? Everything seemed fake, but it truly happened in this relationship ...


    Thinking of all of that, I couldn''t help but cried. Remembering the pleasant beginning and this painful ending, it was a pain that wounded me even more. However, it didn''t last long as I didn''t want to think of it any longer. I rubbed my watery eyes quickly, pretending not to know anything in this pain.


    All of that would only make me think even more insane by wanting to die right now, so I stopped thinking about it.


    After showering, I got ready. After that, I immediately went downstairs, waited for the taxi and left after it arrived.


    I arrived a few minutes later.


    Downstairs in his apartment, I looked several floors up there. There was a sense of awe when I saw the luxurious apartment in front of me, this was even bigger than where I lived right now.


    This place was one of the elite apartments that there were many famous people lived in, such as the people who worked as public figures or as an official, businessmen or conglomerates. There had been many media promoting it. Even when I saw the address that Daehyun sent me previously, this district had confirmed everything.


    I walked into the elevator and pressed number 7.


    Arriving at my destination floor, I stood in front of the door numbered 110 for a few moments. Then, I opened Daehyun''s address on my phone to make sure that it was the right number. After quite sure, then I rang the bell a few times and it didn''t take long for the door to be opened immediately.


    Daehyun looked neat in his black suit, he welcomed me with a friendly smile. Inviting me to enter this room, I walked while watching the whole room, and saw the things were arranged so neatly in this wide room.


    However, suddenly there was something that made me wonder and frown without realizing it, then spoke, "It''s rare to find an elite business like you who don''t collect some expensive wine."


    Daehyun smiled mysteriously, "Do you like people who like to get drunk?"

 Chapter 9 - A Trick!

    I was speechless. Hearing that question made me feel strange. Saying something like that didn''t mean that they were my type. I just thought that it was an unusual thing for an elite business like him, where normally, some businessmen would collect wine to drink with other elites as a close relation in business.


    However, after hearing the question, I chose not to make any comments and just fell silent.


    Didn''t get any response, Kim Daehyun sighed in disappointment, then spoke with a sigh, "It seems your character has changed a lot than before."


    I was silent while lowering my gaze a little.


    Kim Daehyun stopped thinking about it, and walked over to a dining table and sat on a chair. In front of him, there was a noodle that was still steamy. It seemed he just brewed it a while ago before I got here.


    Seeing that, I asked in a slightly mocking tone, "Noodle? I thought someone like you had a much more expensive breakfast with balanced nutrition."


    Daehyun cackled, "It''s because no one wants to cook for me, even if I have an assistant in front of me."


    The words insulted me directly. Besides he was good at saying something that made people feel touched, he was either great at saying something that got people stuck in their hearts.


    But, I was a quiet person. Such a thing wasn''t something I could get carried away with, I hardly even felt anything other than just ordinary words. I had had many experiences that testing my patience, this was nothing compared to all of them.


    If I had to complain, I should complain to the person who caused this pain that lingered in my heart for these years.


    In a low voice, I replied calmly, "Uh, I see ... Okay, I''ll cook for you, then I''ll take the files and go."


    "For real?!" Daehyun stood up from the chair immediately. His eyes sparkled brightly like a puppy would be given a bone. Cute but also quite pitiful.


    I grinned faintly and nodded. slowly, then walked to the refrigerator and checked what ingredients were in it.


    Here were some vegetables and some meat. Seeing all the ingredients, I smiled as I felt a little funny. At first, I thought that the refrigerator would be empty and wouldn''t be filled with ingredients like these, but this was beyond my expectations. Seemingly, there was someone who was always cooking for him.


    Perhaps, his girlfriend?


    Yes, his girlfriend...


    Somehow as I thought about it, there was a sudden disappointment among so many pains in my heart. I could feel it vaguely.


    Without thinking about it any longer, I started cooking, while Kim Daehyun kept staring at me with a smile behind the dining table. His eyes were sparkling and looking so bright, it was as if he were staring at his wife in the kitchen, and couldn''t wait to have breakfast with her. It made me feel like I was comforting him in the morning.


    Still, I didn''t mind at all. Back in our childhood, Kim Daehyun was a good person. But, before I had the chance to repay all of his kindness to me, he suddenly disappeared.


    A few moments later, the food was ready. This was just a bowl of corn soup. After it was cooked, I immediately prepared it on the table and Daehyun greeted it with pleasure.


    I smiled secretly and thought that Daehyun hadn''t become mature yet. Even though his physical maturity was perfect, he still acted like a child. But, oddly enough, it comforted me and felt good.


    Then, afterward, I also intended to return. I took off the apron while asking, "Daehyun, where are the files?"


    Hearing that question, Daehyun immediately stopped chewing his food. He was stunned for a moment, swallowing his food painstakingly before speaking, "Uh, that''s... nothing."


    I frowned in confusion, then asked in surprise, "What do you mean?"


    "I was lying. I just wanted you to come here. I did it purposely so we could have breakfast together."


    "..."


    Feeling guilty, he lowered his gaze a little. In his voice, it sounded pity, "Um, that''s ... I''m sorry. I had to. If I was honest, you''d turn down that ridiculous request, right?"


    Instantly the irritation when I heard that it was just a trick from him appeared on my chest. I didn''t respond to anything and just wanted to get out of this place as soon as possible.


    However, before I took a few steps, Daehyun immediately stopped me by exclaiming, while rushing to face me.


    "Chunghee, wait!" as he spoke, he spread his hands apart and blocked the front door, preventing me from leaving.


    "You lied to me. Why did you do this?" Even though I was angry, I couldn''t show that anger and spoke softly as usual.


    "Chunghee, I''m sorry. I was wrong. I won''t do it again. I promise. But, just for once, since you''re already here too, then have breakfast with me, okay?" he touched my arm and spoke in a pitiful voice.


    Seeing his earnest eyes, made me melt. I sighed softly, then nodded in agreement.


    I thought that as long as he wanted to admit his mistake, I didn''t have any reason to sulk any longer.


    Unlike that person, who always kept his rottenness hidden from me.


    At the dining table, we sat across from each other. We didn''t have any conversation until he opened his voice, "Chunghee, are you still mad at me?"


    This was the first time I had breakfast with another person. The feeling was strange; Maybe, it because I hadn''t used to someone else besides Donghwa. However, when the other person was Daehyun, this awkwardness didn''t last much longer and made me feel comfortable.


    I shook my head softly, "No, I''m not mad anymore."


    "Then, why are you showing that face to me?"


    "Uh, I''m sorry, I was just thinking about something."


    Daehyun smiled then continued to eat his food.


    After a short pause, I asked, "Daehyun, why don''t you ask your girlfriend to cook for you every day? Is she also a busy person like you?"


    Hearing the question, Daehyun choked suddenly, and immediately took a sip of water before he laughed. "What did you say? Girlfriend? I don''t have a girlfriend."


    "Seriously?" I said with a frown, disbelieving his words. "I thought you were married or at least engaged to a woman."


    Slowly his laughter subsided and his expression turned serious, "I''m waiting for someone else. I''ve known that person for a long time, but because we''ve been apart for a long time, it seems I have to start over from the start."


    "Uh, I''m sorry." I paused for a moment, lowering my gaze before continued, "It must be hard for you. I shouldn''t have said things like that. I''m sorry." while talking, I also feel guilty.


    This was too much. I should never have said that. Daehyun must be feeling that difficult feeling inside him. It was hurtful if knowing the feel of awaiting.


    Daehyun chuckled, "Chunghee, you''re shameless."


    Hearing this, I pretended to grim and then ate my food.


    This morning wasn''t bad. Even though Daehyun made a trick that annoyed me a little, it didn''t last long. Even though he had a cold face, Kim Daehyun had a nice personality, so there wouldn''t be anyone who could scold him for something like this.


    After all, our togetherness at this time, made me feel like I was with Donghwa at the beginning of our relationship, where the loveliness remained vividly in my head even though it was years ago.

 Chapter 10 - Sudden Confession

    Spring, 11 years ago.


    I walked toward the university, through a garden that was covered with beautiful Sakura trees, blooming into the soft pink color.


    The wind gusted strongly enough to make the flowers flying, making the beauty of the atmosphere intensified. The fresh air mixed with the sweet scent brought a particular coolness. Everyone looked so enjoying it with happiness.


    Many couples were dating in this place. There were some of them making out with each other; smiling together, and looking at each other with affection, as if this world belonged to the two of them alone, regardless of how someone like me saw their intimity with envy that could make me cry any time.


    Looking at this, sometimes I wonder how sweet such intimity was.


    If there was a question, I would answer that I also wanted a lover, but I didn''t know how to find someone, moreover if it was a woman. I had no interest in any woman, so how could I find one? It was also the reason why I chose to be alone.


    Currently, I was twenty-one years old. Almost even a year after the death of someone who always gave an affection for me, namely my grandmother. The only one who always gave me advice and taught me about the real meaning of life.


    Before her death, I had been worried that something like that would happen in the future when I saw her old body due to her aging. Until what I was worried about happened, right in the fall of last year before I visited her.


    A month after her death, I intended to end my life to catch up with her. However, when I remembered her chatter, her advice for me, everything seemed to hit me on the head and immediately awakened me.


    I realized that killing myself wasn''t the way to end my sadness.


    Remembering her advice, managed to make me realize that I still had time to get to know new people out there; knowing their uniqueness; and organizing a new future. I hadn''t known this world long enough. Many things still needed to be known and many things still needed to be learned.


    On the other hand, there was a lot of rottenness and there was a lot of kindness in it. The world was still too big to explore.


    However, no matter how strong I was, sadness would always be felt whenever I thought of a woman who gave her affection for me. As soon as I found out that I wouldn''t be able to visit her this winter, I felt as if there were only three seasons in this country.


    While walking, when I remembered those days, so I had arrived at the university without realizing it.


    The first course began. I watched every detail of the subject explanation that was given in this quiet classroom.


    In front of the class, a professor who was an expert in User Interface Design explained elegantly. The way he conveyed the course was quite relaxed with his light humor, it made the class atmosphere became better. Besides, the use of simple sentences made us understand it easily.


    "Hey!"


    "Sstt... sstt..."


    Someone from behind poked me on the waist. I turned around and instantly saw a brown-eyed man smiling at me. His face was handsome and his eyes exuded a beautiful brownish glow.


    This person looked familiar. We had been in the same class previously, but I had never noticed him from this close.


    He took the same study as me but rarely got the same classes as me. And perhaps, it''s only about two or three times this year.


    Without caring, I turned back to focus on the explanation. I noted the most important part of the professor''s explanation with my ear kept continuing to listen.


    After explaining the subject matter of the course, the Professor often asked us to ask things that we didn''t understand, and some people did it.


    "Sssttt ... sssttt ... hey ...."


    The voice of that man again. He interrupted my concentration. I looked back and looked at him cynically. He smiled, but I nonchalantly turned back.


    Showing such friendliness in his face made him like a freak to me.


    After the first course was finished, there was a pause before entering the second course in a different class. Then, I decided to go to the library and completing some assignments while waiting.


    However, when I left the classroom, I was surprised when someone suddenly grabbed my wrist. I immediately turned to look at that person and found the same person.


    "Hey, do you have time?" he asked in a low voice.


    I threw out his hand, and answered firmly, "No, I don''t!"


    I continued walking, but within a few steps, he grabbed my arm and gripped it tightly. "I ... I want to talk to you ... please ..."


    There was a moment''s silence, I sighed heavily and agreed. Instantly, his face exuded a clear joy and brightened even more. He then started walking with a smile.


    I followed him from behind until we came to a quiet room. He entered, and hesitantly I also stepped inside.


    After we were inside, he stood in front of me, then spoke haltingly, "Hmm, that''s ... that''s ... I''m ...."


    He occasionally looked down and scratched his head. But, that act only made him look even stranger in this situation.


    However, suddenly the words that I didn''t want to hear all this time came clearly into my ears.


    "I like you!"


    Hearing the sudden confession spoken out loudly, my blood seemed to stop flowing in shock. It was completely beyond my expectations.


    "Who are you?!"


    "Uh, sorry! I forgot to introduce myself." he was still acting weird like before. "I''m Lee Donghwa. I''ve been watching you for a long time. When I saw you for the first time, I ... I think, I''m into you ..."


    This was beyond my expectations. We had never mentioned each other''s names previously, but with just glancing at me like that, he was brave enough to confess his feelings in front of someone who still considered him as a ''stranger''.


    I froze and chanted ''God'' in my mind. I never wanted something like this to happen in the future, but it just happened currently. However, hearing someone confess their feelings to me, it wouldn''t keep me from hiding the truth of myself any longer.


    "I''m a man. Stop joking!"


    I rushed to leave him alone. However, oddly enough, there was a feeling that was like clogging my lungs while doing it. I thought that I just broke someone''s feelings, but I tried to justify my action.


    In the library, I couldn''t think straight. In fact, because of these thoughts in my head, it made me late to take class, and I didn''t even focus as the class went on.

 Chapter 11 - Like A Marriage Vow

    After spending a quarter of a day at university, I headed to a private company to do a part-time job in the afternoon.


    At university, I got a scholarship that was quite sufficient for my needs, such as renting a room, tuition fees, and other necessities. However, regarding my current part-time job, apart from adding to my savings, I also made it a work experience. That would help me to land a better job in the future.


    After 9:00 p.m., I headed back. However, while I was outside, I saw a man named Lee Donghwa standing under the pillar of the name of the private company where I worked. I took a deep breath, then continued my steps, ignoring his familiar smile.


    Without turning my head, I could tell that he was following me right now.


    "Chunghee! Your name is Park Chunghee, right? About what I said earlier, I mean it!"


    Hearing those words, I stopped walking. In my heart, those words made me happy, but on the other hand, it became terrifying.


    "Y-you''re gay, right?"


    Finishing his words, I tightly clenched my fists. That wasn''t what I wanted to hear. So, because of feeling annoyed, I ran away without a word.


    I ran as fast as I could, toward my rented room without caring about him. Even though I didn''t mean to do it, my feet moved by themselves when I heard him ask such a thing.


    Arriving at my place, I immediately entered the room and locked the door, then laid down on my bed without changing my clothes first.


    My thoughts were filled with someone that I just met today, and it made me feel crazy over what he said about his feelings.


    In my heart, I keep praying not to fall in love again, hoping that God would give me the strength once again so that I could endure and not move forward; forgetting that someone had confessed his feelings to me, just like when God gave me the strength to forget Kim Daehyun who became my first love. I kept doing it until I fell asleep from fear.


    Lee Donghwa was someone who always wanted to get along with me, and that''s why I kept moving away from him. Perhaps, he would think that I was someone who didn''t want to make friends with anyone.


    I was happy when someone confessed his feelings to me. It meant that there are still people who wanted to share their affections with me.


    However, a priest''s advice six years ago became the most frightening specter in my life. It came to my mind when someone confessed their feelings to me, and it even continued for weeks.


    Four months before graduation, Lee Donghwa disappeared suddenly. It had been almost a week since the last time he followed me, and from then on, I began to feel the same feelings when I lost the precious person in my life.


    I thought about him all the time, and it made me realize that I had fallen in love with him. If I could turn the time, then I wouldn''t ignore him.


    Regret? I was in that feeling right now.


    One day, right a week after realizing my feelings, we met once again, accidentally like fate. I was so happy and even happier when I found out that his feelings were still the same as previously. So, starting that day, I ignored the taboo thing in myself and started opening my heart to him.


    At that time, I could only apologize to God for What I did where I was unable to stop myself from stepping across the forbidden line.


    On our graduation day; a day when we would no longer be someone who whined for knowledge but as a knowledgeable person who was ready to take part in competitions in the world of work and became real adults.


    Lee Donghwa and I had been in a relationship for four months, it wasn''t that long, but I was grateful that we had been doing well all this time. That was the most important thing in a relationship, be it now or then.


    We decided to celebrate our graduation in his rented room. At first, I thought that we would have a toast to celebrate our graduation, but that was beyond the expectations of an innocent kid like me.


    He wanted something more intimate from me, as a proof of love he said. I could have refused him, but I had gone too far and let him do what he wanted, then gave myself up that day.


    My heart was beating faster and so was his. I could feel his chest pounding when we were in this ''passionate'' situation. It made my mood even more volatile.


    "Chunghee ... I love you ... don''t ever ... leave me ...."


    He hugged my body tightly while continuing to whisper the same words with his eyes closed.


    That was the first time I had given myself completely. I frowned and endured the pain as I loved him so much. It made me enjoy it and felt more pleasure from the intimacy of us.


    having done so, Lee Donghwa asked in a soft voice, "Chunghee, are you okay?"


    Embracing my body, leaning against his arm, I lifted my face and saw his calm face, "You''re rude ...."


    He smiled, then kissed my forehead, "I''m sorry. I was so happy, so I couldn''t help myself ...."


    I scrunched up my eyes, but he eased them by kissing my head. Because of that soft touch, I lowered my face, not wanting to show him my blushing face.


    I asked in a low tone, "Do you love me?"


    I could feel his hand pressing my arm firmly. He then spoke solemnly, "Chunghee, I do love you. I will never betray you. I promise."


    Those words made happiness flourish in my heart. Hearing that he would never betray me was like a marriage vow as lifeless as we are.


    I smiled, "Donghwa, a priest once told me ..."


    I started to tell him about the things that made me afraid. I told him that this love was a mistake, God didn''t want it.


    But, his response was the most shocking, "I''m not afraid. If God punishes you, then God will punish me too. If God makes you happy, so do I. This is fate. Our fate. God gives us the same feelings. If our love is a mistake, you are not alone. I also bear the same mistake as you. And, ... do you still want to be with me even though you know that this is a mistake?"


    It was the most beautiful response that brought tears to my eyes.


    From then on, I decided not to run away. I would never betray him and he would never betray me as we were in the same sense.


    Sadness and happiness, if one of us felt it then one of us felt it too.


    This was the destiny of this relationship.

 Chapter 12 - Love Means One Taste

    Winter, 9 years ago.


    "Chunghee ...."


    I turned to him. Lee Donghwa was lying on his back with both hands supporting his head. I also slightly shifted my body and laid on his arm, then asked, "What''s wrong?"


    He sighed softly, then turned to look at me, who was currently waiting for him to say something. However, he didn''t answer immediately, but he kissed me on the lips so that I could feel his warm and soft lips, like genuine affection.


    It didn''t last long. As soon as our lips parted, I could see that his face wasn''t as cheerful as usual. Without that big smile on his face, I could tell that he wasn''t all right.


    I asked him once again, "Donghwa, what''s wrong?"


    Lee Donghwa stared at me for a long time. There were worry and uncertainty in his eyes. Then, he responded with disappointment in his voice, "I was fired from my job because I didn''t finish the product on time ...."


    Hearing those words, I immediately woke up from a lying position. I stared at him with a frown, showing a fierce expression that was startled him. However, as I thought that I needed to do it, I immediately scolded him like a woman.


    I was irritated. It wasn''t that he was fired from his job, but that was he never wanted to ask me for help in solving his problems and chose to remain silent while thinking many things through alone. I couldn''t accept all of that even though I knew that he just didn''t want to burden me with his own problems.


    However, having a relationship wasn''t only for mutual love, sex, and just giving news, but also to share feelings of sadness and happiness.


    Love meant one taste. I wouldn''t forget what he said two years ago. He said it very clearly. It wasn''t easy for me to forget it even if someone forced me to pretend.


    But, I didn''t want to get lost in this resentment. I took a silent breath, let it out slowly, then said in a low tone, "Next time, you have to ask me for help. Don''t take your own troubles. Don''t forget that I''m here for you."


    Lee Donghwa lowered his gaze a little, "I don''t want to get you into trouble ..."


    I took a silent breath once again. I understand his words quite clearly. However, right now we were lovers. We had been in this relationship for two years, but he didn''t want to be open to anything yet.


    He laughed hollowly, then spoke, "Huh, bad day for me. I have to find a new job asap. Otherwise, I will be kicked out of this place."


    He smiled when he said his words and amazed me. Even though he was in serious trouble, he could still respond with a smile. It made my sadness slightly disguise and hugged him tightly while saying, "I have savings. Don''t worry. You can stay at my place too if you want."


    He sighed, "Hmm, I''ll find a job shortly. I''ll try hard for you ..."


    Those words were his generosity, and it would never turn me away from him.


    Currently, our relationship was in its second year. There were many problems and that was normal for lovers.


    In a relationship, be it as a partner, friend, or relative, was part of life, so it didn''t guarantee constant harmony.


    A problem didn''t become a problem if we as people in a relationship were able to solve the problem together.


    Having a relationship meant that we weren''t alone, but together, in three, four, or more.


    The problems in a relationship required cooperation. Trusting was the key and it would be the benchmark of a collaboration.


    However, if selfishness led in either one of us, then it would make a problem even more problematic.


    Donghwa wasn''t a tough person. He might be a temperamental person, but he would never yell at me or even hit me. That''s what made our relationship last even though there were many problems and difficulties in this relationship.


    I was thankful. God didn''t show His wrath by giving problems that could still maintain our relationship.


    Now, I worked at a fairly large company in the middle of the city, as an employee for one year, and Donghwa worked for a private company for almost two years.


    After he lost his job, I always helped him to find a new job, by looking in the newspapers or anywhere that matched his skills.


    It was quite difficult to find a job, but we always enjoyed it. Seemingly, it wasn''t bad when Donghwa lost his job. I was confused to be sad or even grateful as this togetherness made our relationship even closer.


    A week later, Donghwa came to my place in chaos. Even though he covered it with a smile, the fatigue was still visible.


    I brought him a drink, while he was looking down as if he was lamenting something. I lifted his chin to look at his face and saw the deep sorrow in his eyes, but he immediately turned his face away as if he tried to hide it.


    With great effort, he spoke, "I ... haven''t found a job ... I''m exhausted."


    I had never seen him with such a lifeless facial expression, and I didn''t like it. It truly broke my feelings, so I hugged his body as my concern.


    However, when he was in my arms, the thing that was surprised me the most was when he was crying with trembling hands.


    I let him crying while trying to hold back my tears. However, it was useless. Hearing the cries of someone who I thought was so strong made my tears roll instinctively. Realizing my sadness. he wiped my eyes instantly.


    "Chunghee, I need your help ... maybe ..." he lowered his gaze, without continuing his words.


    I touched his face and asked in tenderness, "Donghwa, say it, what do you need?"


    I would never mind if he asked me for help. It even made me pleased when I heard that he needed something from me.


    He raised his gaze, looking at me with grief in his eyes, "This week I have to pay my place ... and I haven''t found the money yet." he looked away and grumbled, "Ugh! This is really embarrassing."

 Chapter 13 - The Beginning

    I smiled, "Hey, I was happy when you asked for my help. I have the money. Don''t worry. There''s no need to think about it."


    After I said my words, he immediately hugged me, then he spoke with more sincere joy and warmth in his words, "Chunghee, thank you ... thank you ... I''m so happy that you are always there for me. Thank you."


    After his words, he suddenly pressed my body under his, gazing at my face with affection in his eyes for a long time, caressing it gently. Then, there was a soft smile on his face as if he had just seen the most beautiful scenery in this world. After that, on the sofa, he kissed me passionately while he took off his clothes, and touched me as his sole owner.


    "I''m grateful to have you ..." he whispered in my ear. His softly whisper ran through my body, entered my head, and made me feel as if I was flying in the pleasure of our intimacy.


    We had adult activity tonight as a substitute for our sadness in previous days. Even though he was so harsh in this way, his touches still drove me crazy, until satisfaction hit rock bottom like fireworks in our head that made us smile.


    Until the night came, I felt that happiness was entirely only for the two of us after the prolonged sadness. Apart from the fact that his smile had returned, he also ventured to ask for my help. That was the best thing of this relationship, being open and sharing, not just for sex.


    ...


    The following week, I just came home from work. I grabbed the newspaper I bought on my way home and started searching for job openings, but still with the same results.


    I let out a languid sigh, leaning back wearily on the seat. There was no acceptable job for him. There was only an Agency, and I wasn''t sure if he wanted to submit his cover letter like when I offered him to send a letter to an agency a few days ago.


    In my agitation, with a "ting" sound, a text message arrived on my cell phone. I immediately read the message and the words in it immediately made me jolt.


    For the next week, the place where I lived would be due, while I had set aside some of my money for Donghwa to use it.


    However, in this situation, I was trying to stay calm and found a way out. I still had a week left to find additional work, it would help to supplement my remaining money.


    Having made this decision, I was about to rest after taking a bath. But before lying down, my cell phone rang and I immediately picked it up.


    "Chunghee!"


    I was just about to ask "what''s happening?", But he spoke first. Hearing his voice, there would be good news to be conveyed by him.


    "Chunghee, do you remember the GIM (Glory In-Media) Agency in Daejeon? What you offered me ...."


    Hearing him so excited with his words, I smiled, "I offered it for you. How did I forget?"


    "Yes, you know, I was accepted into the company and next week I can start working!"


    With great pleasure, I congratulated him. It almost made me cry as I hadn''t heard the fulfilment from him in a while.


    About five days ago, I forced him to register in that Agency. Initially, he refused because the Agency needed people who were experts in advertising, and he wasn''t in that field. But, unexpectedly, he finally sent a cover letter to the company and was accepted.


    However, apart from this pleasure, there was something that bothered me. Daejeon was a faraway place. It would keep us separated by a distance, and I wasn''t quite ready for that.


    "Chunghee, thank you."


    I smiled. As a lover, encouraging his partner to never give up was a must. Life is hard and requires hard work. At least, that''s what someone precious to me taught me in her lifetime.


    Paused for a moment, he asked, "Chunghee, you don''t want to work in Daejeon too?"


    I grinned, and said softly, "I''ll be fine here."


    I had never thought of that, never even thought of leaving Seoul. This city was where I was born and I quite felt at home working in this city.


    "Well, I don''t want to force you. I promise. I''ll visit you often ...." with a pause, he continued, "Then, take a rest now, okay? I love you ..."


    "Okay, I love you, too."


    With feelings of sadness and joy, I tried to close my eyes to go through tough things tomorrow.


    In the end, the test for testing our feelings was about to begin. I prepared for the big things which await in the future, and I hoped God would still sympathize the love story of two sinners like us.


    The following days, I worked hard with the two jobs I had and didn''t tell Donghwa about this matter at all.


    It also slapped me a little. I easily interpreted relationships as things to share feelings. And with what I felt, now I knew why he was so reluctant to share problems with me where he wanted to keep the feelings of someone he loved.


    For several years, we struggled so hard to get through these hardships, fell down and then got up to face various problems, and finally, we managed to enjoy the sweet results of a struggle.


    After two years, since Donghwa was accepted at the GIM Agency, he was finally appointed as president after hard work and difficult struggles. Meanwhile, I transferred to the large Kim family-owned company in Seoul, TU (Technology Unity) Company which produced many famous brands, and became a staff member in the design department.


    Our busyness kept us apart from each other, so we decided to buy an apartment in Seoul and lived together to maintain our relationship.


    Donghwa was busy with his new position, but that didn''t stop him from coming to visit me every day, and a few days if he had a busy schedule.


    However, it wasn''t a problem. As long as we kept giving the news, it had suppressed our desire to see each other.

 Chapter 14 - Giving Up On Myself

    I smiled weakly when I remembered all the beautiful memories. In the past, everything seemed to been planned very well and made the two people of the past believe their own words with great confidence. However, those beautiful things slowly became a thing that wounded me and proved that all of that was just an illusion which made me bear an extreme pain right now.


    Two people who used to love each other had said that they would continue to love each other. However, day after day had passed since a long time ago and revealed things that couldn''t have been imagined. One of the two became a traitor who changed everything.


    I didn''t know if everything would end in the good way we started or would it end in the worst way?


    But now, I didn''t care how this relationship ended. I guessed the taste would stay the same ¡ª painful.


    I swallowed the food in my throat as if swallowing thorns which were causing pain all over my body. However, there was nothing I could do but endured everything and let the thorn injure my insides without the slightest complaint.


    However, it seemed that Daehyun had been watching me for a long time. Even though he was chattering about many things, he seemed to have a keen instinct for discovering anything that was hidden.


    I didn''t realize it before he spoke to me in a low voice and sounded a little annoyed, "Chunghee, you''re daydreaming. You said you weren''t angry with me anymore. Is this how you forgive other people? I don''t even feel like I''ve been forgiven by you." Kim Daehyun put the chopsticks on the food bowl, then continued, "If you keep acting like that, you will only leave a vengeful impression on me."


    Hearing this, I also tried to convince him by saying, "No. I''m not angry with you. I''m not that kind of person. Do you think I''m a teenager who likes to sulk? Huh, seriously." With a pause, I continued, "Don''t think too far like that. I''m not that kind of person."


    Finishing my words, I was about to show a bright smile but ended up forcing a failed smile on my face. However, I tried to look fine as if everything did look fine.


    How could I not, Daehyun''s words were really beyond my expectations. I didn''t think he would think that I was a sulky person. On the contrary, I didn''t even feel anything anymore and was probably numb by this time as I kept trying to endure all the pain in my heart and kept my complaints to myself all this time. After all, saying everything in front of Donghwa directly would only return those complaints to me by throwing them quite hard on my face.


    It''s useless. Remaining silent was the only way to escape of the feud between the two of us.


    Meanwhile, Kim Daehyun didn''t give any response after hearing that expression and just continued to eat his food very quietly. However, behind that quietness, in his eyes described his unhappy mood. I could see it vaguely and chose not to respond to anything.


    After finishing the bowl of soup, I reached out and poured a glass of water and then drank it. Then, stood up immediately while talking, "I have to go back. This is my first day as your assistant. There are a lot of things to take care of the company. I also saw a lot of schedule notes from your former assistant and it should be resolved today."


    "Then let me drive you. Do you want to go back to your apartment or head straight to the company? I''ll drive you." Kim Daehyun exclaimed and immediately stood up without finishing his food first.


    But, maybe I was too stubborn, so I couldn''t take that kind of offer by saying, "Sorry, that''s not necessary. I can take a taxi."


    Kim Daehyun remained adamant, "No. I lied to you for coming here. Now, as an apology, let me drive you." pausing for a moment, he walked towards me then took my hand. "This is as compensation. Let''s go."


    As soon as Kim Daehyun finished his words, he pulled me toward the door. Meanwhile, I, who realized that saying refusal was just a waste, could only be brave when Daehyun spoke his words.


    Once we were downstairs, Kim Daehyun opened his car door and asked me to go in, and I did so obediently. Then, Kim Daehyun caught up with me and sat in the driver''s seat, beside me. Before he started the car engine, Kim Daehyun asked without turning his head at me, "Um, do you want to go straight to the company?"


    "Yes," I answered briefly.


    Hearing that answer, Kim Daehyun immediately started the car engine and instantly stepped on the pedal.


    The car drove slowly. Kim Daehyun drove very carefully and remained quiet beside me. Meanwhile, I tried to fill our silence by trying to divert my thoughts to the places we passed while on the way but failed. Everything was in vain. It''s just past thoughts which made me want to jump out and died, even until we got to the company.


    Kim Daehyun looked worried when he saw me never showing joy on my face. He kept asking and apologizing about his lie this morning without hesitation and looked so earnest. It also made me feel truly guilty for making him had to blame himself, and also felt disappointed with someone at the same time.


    I continued to think about Donghwa. If he wanted to open up and admitted that he was wrong. I would never hesitate to forgive him and gave him a chance even with this pain.


    However, Donghwa never wanted to do it, even though he knew that I needed the confession.


    Now, I didn''t want to wish for such stupid things anymore. I would never even care if he admitted his mistakes even now.


    It wasn''t that I didn''t care about our relationship, it''s just that everything was too sick and it made me no longer able to find an antidote for the severe injuries I was feeling, so I thought to be silent and let him did what he wanted, until one day I died in agony and he didn''t have to cry.


    My physique had been damaged and my heart was broken. If he wanted to be with someone else, then I could bless their relationship and showed a beautiful smile as a blessing to them.


    I just needed to survive until he completely threw me out one day.

 Chapter 15 - Sudden Headache

    Today was the third week that I became an assistant, where my busyness had doubled from before, and almost took up some of my rest time. If it wasn''t for Daehyun who cheered me on a lot, it would have been impossible for me to have survived until now with this job.


    However, in this busy life, there was a worry in my mind. What if Donghwa comes back, can I still spare a lot of time for him? Or worst of all ... will he get mad?


    Within this week, the company was getting a lot of requests for a project that was just launched. Amid busyness and lots of meetings, Daehyun always reminded me to divide up each purchase per month so as not to interfere with the work of the staff in certain departments, who were doing development on the old brand to join the tough market competition.


    However, it wasn''t as easy as turning your palm. Every customer wasn''t the same. Some of them were arduous when it came to negotiating.


    Around 11:00 pm, I should still be awakened. There were a lot of reports that I had to compile before they were given to each of the responsible heads in each department.


    In my seriousness of entering a lot of numbers, my cell phone suddenly rang in silence. After seeing the ID of the number, I immediately answered, "Yes, what''s up?"


    "What time is my scheduled meeting tomorrow?" a familiar voice came from the other line.


    "I''ve given you all the schedule for this week."


    Finishing my words, Kim Daehyun chuckled, "Looks like you''re in a bad mood today."


    I ignored those words, and asked in an indifferent tone, "What''s wrong?"


    He sounded a lethargic sigh before answering, "Tomorrow I have an important meeting at a different company, and I want you to replace me at the meeting in TU Company. This is sudden. I just found out about it today, too." with a pause, he continued, "Take it easy. I''ve come up with the idea. You just need to present it tomorrow afternoon. I''ll ask Mr. Hye so I can borrow his secretary to accompany you to tomorrow''s meeting."


    I took a silent breath. It was his decision and rejection wasn''t in that option. I had to prepare myself for tomorrow''s afternoon meeting.


    The meeting was a meeting between department heads, regarding a new brand that would be launched soon. Although it still covered the corporate sphere of TU Company, speaking in front of department heads was already making me nervous that I couldn''t help it.


    Daehyun continued, "Tomorrow I will come to your place before 6 am. You need data, right? Then now, just take a rest. Don''t push yourself too much tonight."


    After talking with him, I continued my work and finished it a few hours later.


    I grabbed my cell phone, looked at the time it was 02:00 a.m, then opened several emails, and replied to a few of them.


    However, while staring at the cell phone screen that was lit up, the pain of disappointment seemed to erode my trust even more. Donghwa hadn''t given me any news since his last call ¡ª the day after he left ¡ª and thought that his fun out there had made him forget about someone who was waiting for him in this cold room, joyless.


    I smiled at everything even though it would deepen the prick of the disappointment, and held it until I fell asleep.


    When I woke up, it was still dark in the morning. I made breakfast, and in the silence, the doorbell rang which took me a little by surprise. I immediately went out and opened the door.


    In front of me, Daehyun looked so tired and smiled softly with several files in his hand. As he said last night, he arrived before 6 am.


    Coming in and placing the files on the table, he spoke languidly, "These are the files that you will be presenting. I have kept them as simple as possible to make them easy to understand."


    Without speaking, I grabbed some files and studied them. He''s pretty good at this. Each point was systematic and simple so it didn''t take long to understand them.


    Daehyun paused for a moment, then suddenly said, "Chunghee, I''m hungry. I smell a delicious aroma from your kitchen."


    Hearing Daehyun''s words which were like a child asking for food from his mother, I turned my head, "Yes, I''m making breakfast. I was just about to take you."


    "Really?" His eyes immediately sparkled and there was satisfaction in them.


    This morning, I made Dakjuk. Daehyun sat at the dining table, waiting with joy until I prepared breakfast on the table.


    Daehyun seemed to enjoy it so much. He even added and finished all the porridge. Seeing him excited like that, I smiled. It reminded me of Donghwa who also acted the same as him when eating his favorite porridge.


    After breakfast, Daehyun got ready to leave. This morning, he had to do a field survey of a construction project in Busan, so he decided to return to his place earlier.


    When Daehyun was about to step out, suddenly the pain in my head returned, like a hand squeezing the insides of my head.


    With great surprise, Daehyun immediately stopped and there was a clear concern as he spoke, "Chunghee! What''s happening?!


    While enduring this excruciating pain, my legs slowly became limp and finally collapsed without fainting. I was still able to hear Daehyun''s voice, which sounded worrying me. But when I wanted to say something, there was only a loud groan from my lips.


    "Chunghee! Your nose is bleeding!"


    Daehyun instantly took his cell phone from his coat pocket to call an ambulance, but before he pressed the call button, I immediately stopped him stammering, "No ... No-no ...."


    "What do you mean ''no''? You''re sick. I''ll keep on¡ª"


    "No! ... p-please ..." With foggy eyes and pain, I forced myself to look straight at him.


    Daehyun gritted his teeth before finally sighing heavily and putting his cell phone back into his coat pocket. He cleaned the blood around my face by using his handkerchief. And after I felt better, I slowly stood up and then went to the bathroom followed by him behind me.


    "Give me your handkerchief. I''ll clean it up later."


    As he handed me his handkerchief, he said with concern in his voice, "Chunghee, let''s go to the hospital ...."


    "No, no ... I''m just a little tired."


    I grabbed the handkerchief in his hand, which was soiled with my bloodstain. I washed it in the sink, then put it into the dirty clothes basket, intending to clean it when I returned from work.


    "Uh, then, I''ll cancel the meeting so you can take a rest today."


    "Daehyun! I told you that I''m okay!"


    "..." Daehyun was suddenly surprised when hearing my voice, with his mouth slightly open.

 Chapter 16 - Deciding To Stop Contacting Him

    I didn''t mean to intimidate him. However, because of disgust, it just happened accidentally. Feeling guilty, then I said something that probably made him dishearten. "I''m ... sorry. But, please go now. You''ll be late to work."


    Daehyun closed his eyes, then replied, "Huh, all right. But you have to promise, after the meeting, go home and take a rest."


    I nodded weakly, then he immediately left with worry on his face.


    After Daehyun left, leaving silence in this room, I started to cry and thought that Donghwa should be here and worried about my condition.


    I remembered that in two weeks, he would be home. But, two weeks had passed and he hadn''t returned yet. Without giving me any news, he made me wait as he used to do.


    In this sadness, I went into the bedroom to get my cell phone and texting him.


    ''I hope you can come home tonight. I''ll make your favorite food.''


    After sending the message, I immediately got ready to do the busy work that was waiting in the company, then immediately left without wasting time.


    As soon as I arrived, I immediately walked toward the meeting room. Ms. Go Hyunjae waited in front of the door, then immediately gave me a file before entering the room.


    Less than 10 minutes before the meeting started, I conveyed an apology from Mr. Kim Daehyun to all the department heads who were attending the meeting this afternoon. With smiles, they didn''t mind and the meeting started.


    I stood up with the nervousness that I kept hiding and tried to be professional. With my understanding and confidence that I keep pushing, I could stand to the end. It lasted up to two hours. Fortunately, all the ideas I had presented didn''t raise many questions, and I was able to solve them without a problem.


    While I walked out of the door, Ms. Go spoke, "Chunghee, Mr. Kim asked me to drive you home. This is an order. I could be in trouble later ..." Worriedly, she touched my shoulder gently, "Chunghee, are you sick?"


    With courage, I shook my head weakly, saying nothing of a refusal. I could only remain silent, became an obedient meek, and let her drive me home.


    Arriving at my apartment, it was already evening. The traffic jam on the road made us had to wait an hour and a half for it to arrive. I asked Ms. Go to stay for a while, but she refused as Mr. Hye needed her this afternoon.


    In the middle of a dark and silent room, I sat on the sofa, staring at my cell phone and hoping that a reply to the message from someone I was waiting for would pop up on the screen, showing news of joy.


    However, I had been waiting for quite a while, so I decided to call him several times, but there was still no response from him. It was like being stuck with a thousand needles right in my heart.


    At that time, Donghwa left with a parting smile. He was so gracious with that smile. But, it was like a trick to keep me waiting without complaining to him. It got me used to it, but circumstances couldn''t lie to my feeling that waiting only broke my heart.


    I was tired of this all and decided to take a break ¡ª take a break from the pain ¡ª then wake up at night.


    It''s 8:00 pm now, I take my dirty clothes and washed them, and accidentally saw Daehyun''s handkerchief among the pile of clothes. I smiled when my mind was on someone who always cared and worried about me.


    Why should someone else be more concerned than someone I''ve been through so much with?


    Afterward, around 9:00 p.m, I sat in front of the TV while smoking a cigarette without passion. With this concern, I was like a person with an empty soul. Everything felt empty and there was no interest at all. Even though my eyes were focused on the TV screen, my thoughts were far away from my body, carried away by the wind of grief and leaving sorrow, until an incoming message surprised me suddenly.


    "I''ll be home tonight."


    My eyes suddenly widened, and there was joy slowly carving a weak smile on my face.


    As if forgetting my sadness, I immediately went to the kitchen and started cooking to greet him tonight.


    After finishing everything and serving the food on the dining table, I sat and waiting with the feeling of impatience and joy that were combined, until the time showed the numbers eleven, twelve then I fell asleep without realizing it.


    Suddenly my cell phone rang and made me jolt from sleep, "Donghwa?!"


    "Donghwa? Who is he? Is he your flatmate?" asked someone on the other line.


    It was Daehyun. Disappointed, I lowered my gaze without saying anything.


    "Why haven''t you slept yet?"


    I was stunned for a moment, and answered in a weak voice, "I fell asleep, but you called me ..."


    "Ugh," Daehyun spoke guiltily, "S-sorry. I just wanted to make sure you rested ... and apparently, I was the one who interrupted your rest time. Then good night. Sleep well."


    After Daehyun hung up the phone, I looked at all the food I had made with high hopes. Now, it looked like rotting trash, I smiled bitterly at this disappointing thing.


    I opened some messages that came in and saw the message from Daehyun then immediately opened it.


    ''I give you three days off, and I hope that''s enough for your rest. But, you can ask for an extra day if you want it. You just need to make that delicious dakjuk as a negotiation lol.''


    The message made me smile blankly and comforted me a little from this worry.


    Still smiling blankly, I looked at the cell phone in my hand, then decided to call Donghwa and it was left with the same disappointment. He rejected all my calls until finally, he turned off his cell phone, then all I heard was the words, ''the number you have dialed cannot be connected'', then there was only a long silence, seemingly endless.


    I was stupid and always being stupid. Got rid of that prejudice and lied to my feelings, to maintain our relationship. It made me almost to the lower point of exhaustion in my life, so I decided to stop contacting him until he contacted me first.


    I hope this way was the right way and would make him realized that someone who was always waiting for him every time, was about to give up on all of this shit.

 Chapter 17 - An Important Person?

    TU (Technology Unity) Company.


    Two weeks later, these days were still the same as in previous days. Donghwa hadn''t given any news yet and I was still holding on with my decision to not contacting him.


    However, there was no news from him. Seemingly, he didn''t care about this relationship anymore.


    Right now, I was in Daehyun''s office with a few copies of the report that he had to approve presently while waiting for him to finish the pile of other files on his desk after a business trip in France, the day after giving me days off.


    Seeing Daehyun who was bright, I smiled. Somehow, looking at him with that brightness reminded me of Donghwa when he was working in his workspace.


    It was like seeing the same person and being on the same side of the same person even though with different feelings.


    In the past, I truly liked him, but I had buried that feeling so deep in the bottom of my heart. I almost forgot that he was the first person I fell in love with.


    "Mr. Kim ..."


    Daehyun raised his face, looked at me with a weird smile, " What''s that? Why don''t you just call me ''Daehyun''?." he chuckled, then continued, "Put the report next to the files I have filled in."


    Walking slowly, I put those files on the desk.


    Daehyun looked fresher than before. His face was bright and the dark color under his eyes from staying up had disappeared. He looked more good-looking with his appearance today.


    "Hey, are you all right?"


    I stared at him for a moment before answering lightly, "Yes, I''m fine."


    Yes, I was doing fine. I would always say that sentence whenever someone asked how I was, even though I was in a bad state. As long as I was able to say that, I would continue to say that until God said ''enough''.


    Recently, the headache happened several times a week, and it got worse. I even lost a lot of time and put off a lot of work, just to endure the pain in my head and the painful thing of waiting for someone''s news in my heart.


    However, I was quite used to lying to my own feelings, saying ''fine'' until God felt bored and asked me to stop. It was a time when I made a terrifying choice and hoped that that day would never happen.


    "Have you checked your condition up in the hospital?"


    I stared at him for a moment, then spoke with disgust, "Can we not talk about it here ... sir?"


    Daehyun immediately stopped his work after my words. He stood up, then walked across to me, looking straight at me with his sharp investigating eyes. It was as if the deep gaze was penetrating my mind; by tracing my heart as if looking for the truth through my eyes.


    I instantly turned my face. That''s pretty dangerous. Those eyes seemed to penetrate my feelings. I didn''t want him to know a truth that I didn''t even want to admit to being in me.


    "You''re an important person to me. If something happens to you, I won''t forgive myself." he spoke solemnly, "When I have time, you should come with me to the doctor, and this is my order as your boss."


    ''An important person? What does it mean?''


    I wanted to ask, but my lips said different things. "Daehyun, I''m fine ... I am." I forced myself to smile.


    Daehyun fell silent, then returned to his seat.


    His caring made me afraid. I once fell in love with him, and I was fearful that it would bring back the feelings which I had once abandoned.


    After a few moments in his office, finally, he immediately signed the reports and gave them to me. Then, I went out to my office which was next to his office without a word.


    During recess, in my office, there were still some reports to be finished. Those were reports that were piled up days ago. The head of the design department complained about the request for a schedule extension in the production department and received a lot of invective from the department head. That made him continue to apologize as the design report itself required approval from President Kim, who was on a business trip at the time.


    That was the fatal recklessness of a disciplined and resolute person like him. However, when I scolded him for that mistake, he just laughed at it off as if it was something he was doing on purpose and was just playing around.


    Amid my busyness, suddenly my cell phone which was beside the keyboard rang. I picked it up and answered, "Now, what?"


    "Get ready to go. In ten minutes, you should be downstairs."


    After saying that, without giving any response, Daehyun hung up the phone.


    Sighing heavily, I immediately tidied up some unfinished reports, arranged them on my desk, then went out immediately to use the elevator.


    When I got to the ground floor, my eyes looked for the limousine that used to take him everywhere but didn''t see the luxury car parked in front of the company.


    My hand was already moving to dial the call, but a black BMW stopped before me elegantly. The windshield was lowered slowly and revealed a familiar face with deep and gentle eagle eyes.


    Kim Daehyun showed a delicate smile on his face. "Come on, get in."


    I looked around and didn''t see the bodyguards who were always following him before getting into the luxury car that was glistening in the sunshine. He immediately stepped on the gas pedal.


    "Where are your guards?"


    He smiled and replied teasingly, "Today, I drove for you."


    I was stunned. Feeling strange at those words, I stared out the windshield without saying anything, until we arrived at a large shopping center in the middle of the city. I asked, "Why are we here?"


    Daehyun just smiled, without answering. He then came out and walked into that place, followed by me.


    This shopping place was one of the biggest shopping places in South Korea. Nobody didn''t know this place in Seoul, not even only for celebrities, but South Korean politicians. It was only natural that Daehyun, a young, rich, and talented president in a big company chose this place as a place to buy many expensive things with high-quality.


    Within a few minutes, we were right at one of the big shops with reputable brands. Daehyun entered first, then I followed him from behind.


    An elegant and graceful man greeted us warmly. He showed a smile of familiarity that made anyone couldn''t escape from this place.


    "Chunghee, choose a suit for you because we will attend a new product launch event of Zhang''s group tonight."


    I gasped. That statement was so sudden. However, before I questioned it, this graceful man invited me to choose from a huge array of suits with fantastic prices, so that I could only silent and be obedient.

 Chapter 18 - Finally It Was Revealed

    A few moments later.


    "Thank you for your coming, Young Master."


    Hearing that epithet, my forehead wrinkled unconsciously. I glanced at Daehyun who was currently putting his index finger on his lips while smiling ¡ª giving a gesture of silence.


    Daehyun also drove me back to the apartment. He asked me to rest for a while and would come to pick me up at seven o''clock tonight.


    Inside of this room, there was only sorrow. To be honest, being here alone just made me feel frustrated, and brooding in the dark.


    I hadn''t contacted Donghwa in these two weeks, and he hadn''t given any news either. It wasn''t that I didn''t love him anymore, but I just wanted to know how he felt when I didn''t have the news for him.


    But, the result was only a disappointment. It even made me want to run and hid until he thought that I would never come back.


    In the evening, I was neat in my suit and leather shoes. Until Daehyun arrived and we immediately headed to a luxury hotel in the city center.


    When we got there, we were treated to several fine wines, with many variations that couldn''t be named one by one. Some of his colleagues also greeted us with kindness, which seemed to be glorified with great dignity.


    However, I wasn''t used to something like this, so I decided to stay away from this crowd, and watched this event from a distance.


    Suddenly, a familiar voice called out to me, "Chunghee?"


    I spontaneity turned around and saw the ''notable person'' who I hadn''t seen for a long time. I approached him and shook his hand with a friendly smile. "Uh, Mr. Kim, long time no see, sir."


    He smiled. "I heard that you were my son''s assistant."


    Mr. Kim Myungdae was a notable person in South Korea. He was the owner of many well-known companies, and one of them was the company where I worked now.


    In the past, he was a president in TU Company before Daehyun shifted his position and replaced him as the new president.


    I heard that Mr. Kim Myungdae gave two of his big companies to his son at this time, but I didn''t know which company he had been out of charge of.


    However, when I heard him say his sentence, it immediately surprised me. The words ''my son'' told a bit of everything. However, before making sure, Daehyun came and seemed to bring an answer. "Dad?"


    The word ''Dad'' had showed everything that Mr. Kim Myungdae and he were both father and son.


    Why did he become president and why was he called a Young Master ¡ª luxury cars and the same leadership style ¡ª all of that was because he was the son of a conglomerate and successful businessman in South Korea.


    Why didn''t I notice their family name? Though, that already made things clearer.


    The three of us talked a lot tonight. Now and then the jokes that they said brought laughter to our conversation. Father and son were no different.


    However, in the middle of our conversation, the pain in my head started acting up again. Mr. Kim Myungdae and Kim Daehyun were surprised when they saw that I was grimacing, enduring this extreme pain.


    My gaze began to darken, but I tried to maintain my consciousness even though my body had fallen and was held in Daehyun''s arm.


    Luckily, we weren''t close to the crowd so people didn''t notice.


    Mr. Kim Myungdae started to panic. He asked Daehyun to call the hospital, but I immediately prevented him so stubbornly, arguing that I was just tired and only needed to rest.


    The two of them relented, and then Mr. Kim Myungdae spoke in a commanding tone, "Hurry, take him to the room. I''ll stay here if someone''s looking for you."


    Daehyun nodded. "Got it!"


    As I was in the room that been booked, I laid there in pain with a weak body and fell asleep without knowing it.


    When I woke up, Daehyun was still beside me. He exclaimed and there was undisguised anxiety in his voice, "Chunghee, just rest. Don''t push yourself."


    His delicate face and warm eyes lost their beauty. There was only an obvious concern.


    "You can''t let this any longer. You have to go to the hospital to check your condition up."


    I smiled weakly, and changed the subject, "Daehyun, I just knew that Mr. Kim is your father ..."


    Because of my indifferent attitude, he became irritated but tried to suppress it by gritting his teeth and spoke with worry, "Chunghee, the next few days I have a business visit to my father''s agency ¡ª Glory In-Media (GIM) Agency ¡ª for a cooperation contract with another company. If I''m not around, what about you? You''ll be alone."


    Paused for a second, I asked, "In Daejeon?"


    ''Isn''t that company where Donghwa works? Do they know each other?


    ''So ... GIM Agency is Mr. Kim''s Agency, huh ...''


    I forced myself to get up, and asked with strong curiosity, "Do you know Lee Donghwa?"


    "Sure. Do you know him?"


    I nodded. We are close enough than just knowing each other, that was ... as lovers.


    "He''s a president of that agency. He''s also investing quite a lot in the new company, and what I heard is, he will become the owner of that new company soon."


    I stared at Daehyun in disbelief. I didn''t know the news at all.


    However, suddenly the water on Daehyun''s face changed and showed displeasure, "You shouldn''t have to ask such a thing. There''s no way I don''t know him. As someone that my dad trusted, he''s smart in business but unfortunately, he caught up in several scandals, one of them is in a love affair. My dad was even willing to cover up his rumor about the date he had with his assistant." paused for a second, he smiled, "Drop it. Now you have to rest because I have to get back to the event."


    Without responding, I let him leave.


    It was quite clear now about why he had changed so far. I had suspected from the start that he had someone special out there, and was just manipulating myself into thinking that it was an untruth.


    I knew it from three years ago.


    This had become the real thing. I fought for our relationship for ten years. But without caring, he broke the trust and promise that been carved.


    Fine, I was fine. With foolishness, I still thought that this was an untruth.


    ''Does he know what it feels like to shirk his own feelings?''


    It''s like stabbing yourself in the chest with a dagger.


    I cried, and I didn''t know how many times I cried over this relationship, just to keep it whole with the trust I still had.

 Chapter 19 - The Main House Of The Kim Family

    When I opened my eyes slowly, it was morning. Seemingly, after knowing the truth last night and feeling deep sorrow, I fell asleep without realizing it.


    However, after fully recovering my consciousness, I quickly realized that I was currently in someone''s arm. Without thinking any longer, I immediately turned around and shifted back a little.


    A second after seeing someone slept beside me, I was shocked and got up immediately.


    That person was Daehyun, and it looked like that he woke up when he heard my gasp in surprise. His eyelids twitched, then he slowly opened his eyes. "Chunghee ..."


    I froze instantly with my mouth slightly open. I barely even heard a word from him just now.


    In this situation, I couldn''t feel my body, and it was as if my blood had stopped flowing at once. This was completely beyond my expectations.


    In contrast to me, from his face, Daehyun wasn''t surprised at all and could still look calm, as if lying next to someone else when he fell asleep and hugging him were a natural thing. He got up, then looked at me with sleepy eyes slightly flushed.


    "What''s wrong?" he asked and yawned lazily. "Feeling better now?"


    When my senses returned, I asked hoarsely, "Why are you sleeping here?"


    More precisely was ... why you hugged me while you were asleep? Yet, my lips asked a different question.


    Daehyun let out a languid sigh. He massaged his temples and spoke, "Last night, I was very dizzy, so I ended up in this bed without knowing it. I had to sip many offers of wine. My father can''t drink too much, so for not disappointing or offending the investors and his colleagues with a refusal, then I had to do it for him," paused for a moment, he continued, "I''m sorry. I''m really drunk¡ª"


    Before finishing his sentence, he gasped suddenly. One hand covered his mouth and the other touched his stomach. He then got up and went to the toilet in a hurry.


    From the outside, I could hear Daehyun vomiting something up a few times, and it confirmed that he was truly drunk all night. Feeling worried, I walked into the toilet to check his condition.


    "Daehyun, are you okay?" while saying, I touched his arm gently.


    He coughed, then raised his hand and waved weakly, "I''m fine. Don''t worry." Afterward, he leaned weakly against the wall. "It''s a risk for someone who can''t stand alcohol like me, right?"


    He smiled strangely and wiped his wet lips, then stood up slowly.


    "All right, let''s go back." he walked out, followed by me, then grabbed his suit which was on the bed while asking, "Chunghee, can you drive?"


    I nodded slowly.


    "Then I want you to drive me to my house," while saying, he threw the car key at me and I immediately grabbed it frantically. He continued, "I can''t possibly drive a car like this, right?


    I didn''t refuse and didn''t comment anything, besides agreeing with his statement. Seeing his chaotic condition, that was obvious ¡ª it didn''t allow him to drive. If he didn''t have breakdown problems, then it would get him into trouble with the police if he kept forcing himself to drive.


    In the driver''s seat, I gripped the steering wheel tightly. There was a feeling of nervousness as someone who had quit driving for a long time. But now, I had to drive a Young Master home.


    In the years since I quit driving, my dubious skill needed another test.


    However, because I had no other choice, I ventured to drive the car very carefully. I pulled gears, turned the car, then drove with sufficient caution.


    On our way, there was a long silence between us, till Daehyun spoke, "Chunghee, where are you taking me at?" Daehyun''s voice broke the silence.


    I answered, "Isn''t it to your house?"


    "Yes, my house, not my apartment. This road leads to my apartment."


    I felt annoyed but I tried to stay calm. "Why didn''t you explain it from the start ... you made me have to turn the car back."


    "Isn''t the word ''house'' self-explanatory?"


    I knew that he was teasing me, so I could only sigh heavily without giving a response.


    A few minutes later, we arrived at a mansion with a large courtyard. I parked the car and we immediately got out of the car.


    At the gate, two big black men stood proudly. Their cautious demeanor turned into a very familiar friendliness. They smiled to greet their Young Master with great elegance.


    This house was very spacious. Even if the yard was compared to a soccer field, it was almost as wide. This family residence was completely beyond my senses. I never thought that a place like this would truly exist in the real world.


    In this large courtyard, there were many familiar, soothing white flowers along the road, leading to the main door. I was amazed, "Does your family really like Jasmine and Gardenia? Your yard is so beautiful."


    Hearing those words, the water on Daehyun''s face immediately turned cold, he smiled blankly, "It''s just ... as an encouragement ... this house''s very gloomy every day, so my dad asked someone to plant them."


    Seeing his expression and his speech that suddenly changed, convinced me that there was something more painful than what he said, so I chose to remain silent and didn''t ask any further.


    But, he suddenly asked, "Do you like Jasmine?"


    I nodded slowly. "I like all kinds of flowers. One of them is Jasmine."


    "Me too. We also planted Azaleas in the backyard and some Roses. I''ll show you."


    When he pulled my hand to look at the flowers, I didn''t move an inch. I was stunned for a second, then said, "Daehyun, I have to go back now. There''s a lot of work that''s waiting for me at my place."


    "But you''re already here, how can you refuse the kind offer of this friendly owner of this house?" he frowned and spoke persistently, "You should also consider yourself as the lucky one because you can visit the Kim Family House and see their flower collections."


    I didn''t give any response.


    "Okay, I''ll take it as approval." he pulled me to follow him, and I obliged resignedly.


    In his backyard, there were lots of flowers. However, only the fragrance from Gardenia was dominated. All of them had the same color as white, and that was a little strange but the beauty couldn''t be disguised.


    I walked slowly, looking at the flowers in amazement. It was a beauty that couldn''t make anyone lied to themselves. Everything was soothing as if all wounds were muffled by the peace that existed in this place.


    "That''s my beloved white Jasmine."


    A deep, familiar voice was suddenly heard. I immediately turned around and saw a middle-aged man smiling at me warmly.


    He came over and picked one of Jasmine. "It''s unusual for Daehyun to bring someone to this house. You must have known each other for a long time. Am I wrong?"


    "Um, no, you''re not, sir. We''ve known each other for a long time." I said in politeness to honor him.


    "Then, you''d better stay here for breakfast."


    "Sure. He''ll stay here for breakfast." Daehyun hurriedly interrupted with great enthusiasm


    Mr. Kim Myungdae immediately smiled, his face showing an agreement.


    Meanwhile, I could only accept this offer with fortitude on my face. I would insult this family, because if I said a refusal, it would embarrass me for life.


    A few moments later, Daehyun asked me to come inside to clean my body first.


    In Daehyun''s bedroom, a tall man entered. He smiled faintly but elegantly, and put the suit on the bed while saying politely, "Young Master, I have chosen the best suit for you and Mr. Park."


    I gasped in shock to hear the man''s words.


    "For me? No, no, no need. I can wear mine," I spoke frantically.


    Daehyun just gave a nod.


    The tall man looked at me for a moment, then immediately left.


    "Daehyun, I don''t want to wear this suit." I clenched my fists tightly and showed a clear sense of unwillingness.


    Daehyun sighed in disappointment. "You have to wear it. You can''t possibly go to the company with this dirty suit. Later, you can throw it away if you want."


    I could barely say anything after hearing Daehyun said his words ¡ª those words suited him.


    Paused for a minute, I replied, "All right ¡ª fine. I''ll wear it, but I''ll return it to you afterward. If it needs to be thrown away, then you should do it ¡ª not me."


    Daehyun just showed a smile.


    After showering, I went downstairs and waited for Daehyun in the main room for a while before he came downstairs, then we had breakfast with Mr. Kim.


    At the dining table, their conversation was only about the world of business. However, sometimes a little humor tucked into their conversation and dissolved the atmosphere. Meanwhile, I just spent a lot of time in silence and answered when a question was asked of me.


    After breakfast, Daehyun and I immediately headed to work and had activities as busy as ever.


    I was ecstatic today. It was because I could forget the pain a bit after knowing a bitter truth last night, that I had suspected beforehand. Even if it was only a moment, I could still be grateful that I could breathe more comfortably before returning to feel that sadness when I got home.

 Chapter 20 - Doctors Diagnosis

    It was at different noon.


    Kim Daehyun and I just attended a meeting. In the conference room, Daehyun was great at presenting statistics of the company''s performance for this month, and he also confidently described the production scale of the project that was just launched. It showed him as a smart president as well as elegant. It amazed me, even till this presentation was over.


    When we were walking in the lobby, I suddenly staggered to the side, and Daehyun instinctively held my body. "Chunghee, be careful ..."


    I tried to stand up straight carefully, but with stiff legs, I had a hard time doing it even though Daehyun helped me.


    Seeing me struggling, the crazy idea made Daehyun want to carry me, but I firmly and stubbornly refused by removing his hands, so he only helped me to walk to the sofa ¡ª not far from where we were and sat down.


    I touched my stiff legs, but something warm and fishy slowly touched my lips, then a red liquid dripped down on the ground.


    Daehyun was almost screaming, "Chunghee, you''re nosebleeding again!"


    Over the past few months, I had realized that something was wrong with my condition, but I just tried not to think about it and did my activities as usual.


    As I was about to wipe the blood on my nose, Daehyun stopped me, and held out his handkerchief as he said anxiously, "Chunghee, you''re not okay."


    I grabbed his handkerchief, wiped the blood, then shook my head weakly. "I''m okay."


    Daehyun stood up immediately, then reached out to me. I stared at him for a moment before grabbing his hand and standing up in front of him.


    However, he firmly tightened his grip, then pulled me out of this place by forcing, without saying anything.


    "Mr. Kim, please ... let go ... it hurts ..."


    The more I tried to let go of his hand, the more he tightened his grip.


    "We''re going to the hospital," Daehyun said, in a flat voice that sounded cold.


    Hearing this, I was shocked and tried to stop my steps. However, his immense strength couldn''t compare to mine. Any resistance wouldn''t affect at all.


    Until we were near a black limousine, he opened the door car and pushed me in, followed by him.


    "Drive us to the hospital right now," he spoke commandingly to someone in the driver''s seat.


    "Yes, sir."


    On our way, we didn''t talk to each other. I glanced at him and saw that there was an irritation on his shady face. It even lasted until we got to the hospital.


    Courageously, I followed Daehyun from behind, who was still holding my hand quite firmly as he walked toward the registration room. In here, we were asked to go to the Internal Room to do a check-up, and Daehyun immediately pulled me back without a word.


    In the Internal Room, after explaining all my complaints, I was asked to do a further check-up at the Oncology Doctor''s room on the third floor. And without wasting a time, I went out to see Daehyun who was waiting for me out of the door.


    As soon as I left the room, Daehyun immediately approached me and asked with worry, "What did the doctor say?"


    "Nothing. He just asked me to go to the Oncology Room ..."


    "..."


    After being in front of the Oncology Room, I immediately opened the door slowly, then came in reluctantly. Daehyun waited for me outside like previously.


    A soft-eyed young doctor smiled at me, welcoming me with attention, "Good afternoon, sir. Please, have a seat." with a pause, he continued, "Can I help you, sir? What is your name?"


    "Park Chunghee."


    I went back to explain all my complaints during this time, and the young doctor responded with a nod that looked serious while continuing to write down all the complaints I just said.


    After that, he then directed me to change my clothes and asked me to take off all the metal objects I was wearing.


    I gazed at my fingers for a moment and remembered that I had forgotten to put my ring on in the past three days. If Donghwa found out, he would scold me like a while ago.


    "Please, lie down, Mr. Park."


    It''s a CT scan. Worried, I took a silent breath and laid down on the top of the checkpoint.


    While lying down, before the device moved, a nurse took a sample of my blood. I could feel the prickling in my vein, but I didn''t feel any pain because of nervousness.


    Ten minutes after the analysis, the doctor looked at the results of a 3D scan that divided several parts of the image, then combined them. He took a serious look.


    At the same time, the nurse who had taken my blood sample came with the test results. He immediately handed the sheet of paper to Doctor ... Jeong ¡ª was seen from the ID he was wearing.


    "Mr. Park, it''s very difficult to say this, but ..." Doctor Jeong sighed softly, "Your diagnosis shows that you have brain cancer. Glioblastoma. There''s a malignant tumor in your brain, sir ¡ª stage 3. You should undergo surgery."


    Hearing that statement, instantly shocking me. I froze and became tensed. It was like destroying my life at once as if there was no more luck for me in the future.


    A lot of worries came into my head, but it led to a question that made my heart hurt immediately. I asked myself, ''will Donghwa be okay in the future without me?''


    By trying to look calm, I said, "Doctor, if I don''t do that, how about it?"


    "You have to do that. At this stage, people will usually only have a life expectancy of no more than a year." He fumbled around the bookshelf beside the table, and reached for something, "This is my name card, there''s also my cell phone number in it. Please call me when you are willing."


    I grabbed the name card, then shortly came out of this room, looked down, and hid my face. I couldn''t possibly show my face like this in front of Daehyun.


    However, when leaving the room, Daehyun exclaimed, "Chunghee, how''s the result?"


    Cautiously, I lifted my face, staring at the pair of eyes that were staring at me with worry. I couldn''t say anything; couldn''t say okay anymore. Looking at his face, I couldn''t hide my sadness anymore.


    My body moved by itself, hugged Daehyun with tears rolling down my face, and sank my body and feelings into his chest even more, while Daehyun was silent, and hugged me tighter.


    Having calmed down enough, I wiped my tears, lifted my face slowly, and spoke with the deepest sadness, "I ... I ... have cancer."

 Chapter 21 - Being Alone In This Place Wouldnt Be Leisure

    "What ... Are you serious?!" Daehyun exclaimed, with disbelief in his eyes. His voice trembled slightly.


    I nodded weakly, then he returned to hug me with great affection.


    I knew that Daehyun was speechless at the moment. I also knew that he was upset. I could feel it in his blood and heard it in his heartbeat. But, he couldn''t blame anyone in this kind of situation, so silence was the only way to be quiet.


    A few minutes later, we left the hospital.


    On the way, there was only a long gap. We fell silent without a word, and it lasted until we got to my apartment.


    Before we parted, Daehyun spoke with kindness, "Chunghee, I have a business this afternoon, and I promise, I''ll see you afterward."


    I smiled weakly, "Daehyun, there''s no need. I''ve bothered you enough today."


    "Don''t be stubborn at this time. Take care of yourself, okay? I''m leaving now."


    After saying that, Daehyun hurried away.


    In the elevator, my head felt so heavy. It was because of thinking about many complicated things that had already happened, whether it''s today, yesterday, a week ago, or a month ago, and so on. All these complicated things appeared at the same time and caused chaos in my feelings.


    At this point, I thought something. All these thoughts were only focused on one person who was so precious in my life, where he had made me lose my luck and had to suffer like this.


    Blood dripped on the ground, and more. I was shocked, and immediately touched my bleeding nose, then I cleaned it with the back of my hand.


    Arriving at my apartment floor, I opened the door and immediately entered to change the dirty clothes I was wearing, which was shabby and stained with blood.


    Afterward, I sat on the bed, pondering and wrapping in the dim room.


    From the start, I had realized that my condition was worsening and I thought about it beforehand, yet I ignored it by continuing to say, ''I''m okay''. It wasn''t without a reason, but it was one of the ways to pretend that I didn''t know the reality.


    I was so cowardly when it came to the truth as I was afraid of the pain that would hurt me even more. I just couldn''t accept such a bad thing.


    Daehyun was right, that I was a stubborn person, yet I just didn''t want to admit it.


    In my dilemma, I had a lot of deliberation and complexity regarding this diagnosis. When Donghwa came back, how could I tell him about this thing?


    However, amid this heavy consideration, some questions made me hesitate to say it. ''Is it necessary? By telling him is the right way, isn''t it? And, would he care of me like he used to? But, How do I tell him?''


    There were many things that I wanted to tell him and there were many things that I wanted to complain about him. If he had a lot of time with me, I wanted to tell him all of them.


    I didn''t want him to cry when I cried. Feeling empathy and showing his compassion was enough to heal some of the wounds.


    Realizing this thought, I smiled pitifully. I took the book in the drawer, and opened some of the sheets in it but didn''t read any of them. My gaze began to cloud, and my heart was filled with grief.


    Holding back my tears, I glanced slightly at the cell phone which was lying on the table before finally deciding to take it.


    I looked at the clock that was showing 7:30 p.m on the screen. At first, I tried not to press the call button and contacted Donghwa, but the strong urge in my heart made me have to break down the determination within myself.


    However, that was indeed a foolish thing. I knew that I would have the same disappointment, but still let myself felt the same thing.


    I couldn''t keep my promise or even decided the impossible things.


    However, if I didn''t, waiting for him to do it first would only end up our relationship. I was in the most difficult situation.


    Suddenly I remembered about Doctor Jeong''s name card, then immediately took it from the drawer and called him.


    "Good evening. This is Jeong Hoon, the Oncologist of Du-Ho Hospital. May I know who is calling?" A familiar voice kindly greeted me after the call connected.


    "Doctor Jeong, it''s me, Park Chunghee ..."


    "Ah, Mr. Park, how about it? Have you decided to do it, sir?"


    I took a silent breath, "Can you give me some medicine?"


    There was silence before he spoke, "Um, Mr. Park, medicine will only ease the pain, sir."


    Doctor Jeong gave a stern refusal. However, after pleading with mercy, he finally agreed and asked me to come at noon the next day.


    I didn''t want to do surgery or chemotherapy. I wasn''t ready to do that big thing. With the book I still held in my hands, I felt worried while thinking about that.


    When I was about to lie down, the doorbell suddenly rang. I got up and went to open it immediately.


    It''s Daehyun. Seeing that he wasn''t someone I was waiting for, I didn''t feel disappointed. I knew that Donghwa wouldn''t come home tonight, tomorrow, or who knew how long it was. Probably, he would come when he felt bored and left when he felt the same. It wasn''t about homesickness, but boredom towards someone with whom he was.


    "Chunghee, are you okay?"


    I forced a smile and spoke, "Daehyun, sorry. But I get to rest ..."


    Daehyun smiled gently, his eyes were emitting warmth, "I know. I just come to say that starting tomorrow, I''ll give you¡ª"


    "No! Don''t ..." I held his arms and gazed at him imploringly. I knew what he was going to say, so I said, "I''m fine. I can still work."


    "Chunghee, it''s for yourself. Don''t be stubborn." his voice was firm but there was a deep tenderness.


    I kept on refusing and begging. Being alone in this place all the time wouldn''t be leisure. In this place, there was only gloom and would only make me crying.


    Finally, by urging him, he agreed with it. And without realizing it, my body moved by itself to embrace him.


    I was startled but didn''t let go of my hands immediately. The joy held me even for a moment.


    "If you need anything, let me know."


    I smiled at someone who was always worried about me; always there when sadness overtook me. I kept watching him as he started to move away, and closed the door when he had disappeared from my sight.


    In the bedroom, I came back to the same thoughts. I grabbed my cell phone and typed a short message for Donghwa, but immediately deleted it again.


    I had to learn to keep quiet and decided to sleep early, by trying to calm myself down from all the things that happened today. So that when I woke up tomorrow, I could pretend like previously.


    Donghwa, I''m sick.


    Will you take care of me?


    I need you right now.

 Chapter 22 - Kim Daehyun Comes As If Hes "Him".

    The next day on a different week.


    Daehyun came into my room and put a parcel on the table. By the smell, I could tell that the parcel contained food.


    One o''clock was indeed resting time, but I had not used that time as some of the reports had not been finished.


    Daehyun sat on the gray sofa next to my desk, without saying anything. He crossed his legs on the table and kept playing with his cell phone.


    I wanted to continue my work. However, before doing so, he grabbed my hand, so that I almost fell on his chest. It embarrassed me, but I covered it up by pretending to be sullen.


    In the silence, he asked, "What did the doctor say last week? I want you to explain it to me."


    He asked something that I truly didn''t want to be the topic of our conversation at this time. It wasn''t supposed to talk about such things while at work.


    If he asked about how I felt when he asked that question, I could tell that hearing it over and over sounded annoying.


    "Chunghee, tell me ..."


    I sighed heavily, "The doctor only suggested me to take medication regularly."


    "Liar! I ain''t a kid that you can fool with those words." Daehyun almost screamed.


    I was startled. This was the first time I heard Daehyun with a voice of anger that was restrained. Stunning for a moment, I gazed at his face with disbelief, then asked, "Why are you angry? Why are you worrying about me?"


    The words flew out by themselves, like a sudden gust of wind. Those were what I had been wanting to ask for a long time. But, now I was at my limit to refrain from asking those things to him.


    As my tears rolled down slowly, there was a sudden surge of pain and fear. I didn''t understand my feelings. When the question ran from my lips, a knife seemed to cut my heart.


    "You''re an important person to me, so I''m worried about you ..." Daehyun stood up, embraced me warmly. It was genuine warmth.


    He said the same thing as that time, ''Someone important ... to me''.


    I thought, no one would think of me as important anymore. It sounded boasting, same as Donghwa who always said that he loved me and until now without proofing it. But, his words were sincere and trustworthy, so they made me believe.


    How manipulative he was!


    Being in Daehyun''s arms, I cried even stronger. There were happiness and pain that coincided.


    To be honest, I wanted to cry like this in the arms of someone that I loved the most in my life.


    However, I had waited for a long time, until Daehyun came as if he was "him" at the wrong time ¡ª a time when I was at my weakest point.


    Suddenly, there was a feeling of anger which made my hands move, pushing Daehyun''s body until he staggered back a bit. Thinking that what he did was wrong ... I felt ... No! Daehyun didn''t know anything about my feelings for someone right now, So I couldn''t think all kinds of things!


    I stared at the two eyes that were also staring at me at the same time. From those eyes, I could see that there were many questions he was thinking about. It made me realize that there was something deeper than just worrying about me.


    I looked down and spoke awkwardly, "I''m ... sorry ... I''m sorry."


    Daehyun didn''t respond. He was about to step out of this room, but my hands moved by themselves to hold him again. I exactly didn''t want him to leave me...


    Without turning back, he said dryly and without enthusiasm, "Remember that I have a meeting at two o''clock ...."


    When he said the words, I could tell that he was trying to tell me to accompany him to the meeting.


    I bowed my head, hiding my face. I was silenced by my feelings and regretted what had I done by holding him like that.


    Yet it wasn''t the same as previously. Now, Daehyun left carelessly and it feared me. I was fearful that he would end up acting the same as Donghwa.


    I simply dropped onto the sofa, then looked at my watch ¡ª it was 1:20 p.m and it was almost there for the meeting. I had not had the chance to use my rest time, but time and work were like overlapping things.


    Sighing, I got up weakly. I walked to my desk, then peeked at the delicious aromatic parcel. But unfortunately, I didn''t have enough time to enjoy the food.


    It didn''t allow me to enjoy it at this time, so I grabbed the parcel and took it to the assistant manager''s office on two floors below, and gave it to Miss Go.


    She received it with obvious joy on her face. "Wow, Chunghee, you''re so kind. Thank you."


    "No problem."


    Smiling, I quickly came out without stalling for time and immediately went to Daehyun''s office, then we rushed to the meeting building.


    During the meeting, Daehyun explained some ideas quite well as usual and was able to finish his explanations smoothly until the end of the meeting without any problems, even all the questions and objections from some people were easy for him to handle.


    At 3:30 p.m., we just left the building.


    In the resting room, Daehyun stood by the window with a burning cigarette between his fingers. Smoking his cigarette Occasionally, he asked, "Chunghee, what about the report?"


    "Ah, it''s finished. Thanks to Miss Go too."


    Daehyun nodded his head. "Oh, that''s great ..."


    Go Hyunjae was an assistant manager in the Marketing Department. She had been with this company for nearly seven years. Now, she was thirty-five years old in early July. One year older than Daehyun who was currently thirty-four years old. Even so, Miss Go still looked younger than her actual age.


    She was pretty much helped me out with my works as long as I was in the condition I was in and thanked her ¡ª because of her, my job had become easy in a while.


    I never asked for it, but Daehyun did it with the lure of adding bonuses and being promoted. No one would refuse that great opportunity.


    At 4.00 p.m, Daehyun was about to drive me home. After we were in front of the parking area, I suddenly stopped. "Um, I have to go get some medicine in the hospital."


    "I''ll accompany you."


    Paused for a moment, I nodded in agreement. Refusing would only make us arguing over time.


    On the way, Daehyun and I didn''t talk much. I pretended to watch the street through the window, trying not to feel awkward. While Daehyun ... I was reluctant to turn to him, so I didn''t know how he was now.


    However, something familiar jolted me. Without blinking with wide eyes, I fell into the disbelief that I was trying to suppress.


    ''Isn''t that Donghwa''s car?! Has he come back?''


    In this shock, the corners of my lips lifted, carving an upward strip. There was a happiness that slowly rosed in my heart, and it lasted until we arrived at Du-Ho Hospital.


    However, being with someone else right now, I was trying to hold back the excitement I was feeling.


    When I was in Doctor Jeong''s room, he greeted me cheerfully, "Ah, Mr. Park, good afternoon, please have a seat."


    I walked in with Daehyun coming with me, sitting opposite the doctor who was still showing us a friendly smile.

 Chapter 23 - Lee Donghwas Lies

    "Doctor Jeong, I want to take some medicine."


    Doctor Jeong sighed heavily. "Mr. Park, you should directly do surgery or at least chemotherapy."


    Hearing his words, I smiled bitterly. I glanced at Daehyun immediately to see how he reacted, but there was a relief when I saw his face that was still calm.


    "I''m not ready."


    "It''s quite late if you''re still waiting, sir ...."


    Judging by the look on Doctor Jeong''s face, he seemed to wait for Daehyun to interrupt us and made a firm decision. But luckily, Daehyun didn''t say anything.


    Not long after, Doctor Jeong gave in with disappointment. I grabbed the plastic medicine he gave, then left this hospital.


    Meanwhile, Daehyun didn''t ask anything about Doctor Jeong''s words. It made me a little relieved. It would be difficult for me to argue with him if he spoke up earlier.


    In the car, Daehyun spoke in a commanding tone to a driver, "Drive us to the nearest restaurant."


    Hearing that, I immediately turned to stare at Daehyun. However, even if I didn''t agree with him, I didn''t have the option of refusing his decision.


    "Yes, sir." the driver said.


    The car drove quietly, and then we arrived at a restaurant located at a five-star hotel a few minutes later.


    However, as we were about to enter the restaurant, a familiar figure shocking me and was even more shocking than before.


    Donghwa? Isn''t he, Donghwa?


    At this time, I saw him walking into a hotel, not far from where I was. However, it wasn''t because of seeing him in this town so that shocking me, but the person who he was with.


    What will you do with that person with you?


    I didn''t want to think about my thoughts but it felt so impossible to hold everything in my mind. Even though I exactly knew what the fun he was doing behind my back all the time, I just kept silent patiently like an idiot all over the time.


    "Chunghee? Hey, Chunghee?"


    Daehyun''s voice brought me back to my senses, and it seemed that we were already inside the restaurant right now. I didn''t even notice myself walking in.


    "Here, just order something," Daehyun said, handing me a menu.


    With no passion, I grabbed the menu and ordered food randomly, followed by Daehyun himself.


    "You have to do what the doctor suggested you ..." Daehyun said, in a deep voice.


    I thought that he no longer wanted to care about it anymore. But, it seemed different from what I thought.


    I was stunned. I lifted my face carefully, gazing at him without saying anything.


    "Chunghee, I beg you. I don''t want to see you like this ..."


    "Daehyun, I don''t want to argue with you."


    Daehyun sounded sighing heavily, then stopped talking. He looked away. I knew that he was upset as he faced my stubbornness, yet I couldn''t do anything but let him be.


    We fell silent after doing that small talk. At first, I wanted to start a conversation with him, but seeing his expressionless face, I gave up on doing so.


    He was currently in a bad mood. It would be better to remain silent. Even as our dishes arrived; until we finished our lunch, only silence dominated during the time.


    With great effort, I mustered up the strength to speak, "You must go immediately. You''re busy today, right?"


    He put his cell phone in his pocket, and said nonchalantly, "Let me drive you home first."


    I sighed, then fell silent again.


    Now, I was going to pretend that I didn''t care about it. At least, knowing that he still had a caring personality was quite a relief.


    After that, we immediately left and arrived at my apartment a few minutes later.


    Daehyun didn''t stay long. As soon as I got out of the car, he also left immediately after dropping me. Seemingly, a busyness couldn''t make him stay even for a moment.


    In the evening, I waited for Donghwa in the living room. I was certainly sure that tonight, he would come home since I saw him this afternoon.


    But, when I remembered someone who was with him at that time ... there was a suspicion that I tried to keep in my mind. I had never seen that person previously. Perhaps his colleague ¡ª his young colleague ¡ª who seemed so close to him ... Yes, so close that he had even embraced him into a hotel and would probably fuck him in there.


    It was enough to prove that how close they were.


    I hugged my knees tightly. Now and then I glanced at my cell phone which was lying on the table, hoping that Donghwa would call me and would say, ''I''m going home tonight, what a present do you want?'' Like when he wasn''t being another person to me yet.


    Finally, my impatience was driving me crazy. I grabbed the cell phone and called him directly.


    "Hello?" A familiar voice came over the phone that was already connected.


    I was both surprised and amazed. This was the first time that Donghwa answered his phone immediately.


    I held my cell phone tightly while asking, "Hello, are you coming home tonight?"


    He paused before answering. There was a rather foreign tenderness in his voice, "No, babe, I''m ... I''m sorry. I''m still in Daejeon. I have a lot of work to do right now. I''ll be back in five days ... I promise," with a pause, he continued, "Do you want a present? I''ll buy it for you if I''m coming back ..."


    I smirked. Can you keep your promise?


    I doubted him. Hearing his promise made me shed tears. He had promised too often and broke them without caring about what I felt as if by saying an apology, everything would return to a normal way as usual.


    I was in pain because of that, but only showing a smile.


    "Yul-lan cake ... I want Yul-lan cake ..." I spoke in a small voice.


    Hearing this, he chuckled. "Is that all? Okay, I''ll buy something tastier for you."


    This conversation only lasted five minutes. He hung up on the excuse that he wanted to return to his work.


    I knew that it was a lie. However, thinking about our old relationship, I could only remain silent with my pains and doubts.


    I tried to be okay and hold back my tears from coming out continuously. However, something else happened while I was trying to keep smiling.


    How shocked I was when I saw the blue pajamas that I was wearing had been dirty because of blood droplets from my nose. I immediately wiped it by using my sleeve and went to the bathroom quickly to clean my face.


    After that, while in the bedroom, I looked at my body in a vertical mirror next to the wardrobe.


    I looked thin and pathetic. Perhaps, that was the reason why Donghwa betrayed our relationship, which had gone through a decade.


    I didn''t know how long this body could last. If the doctor''s words were the truth, then my life had not been long enough for this short time.


    Without knowing it, my tears were dripping when I remembered the short time I had.


    I wondered, ''What about you, Donghwa? if I''m not here anymore, what about you?''


    In my deepest heart, I didn''t want him to be lonely. I hoped that one day he would find someone who would always be with him in the future, taking care of him wholeheartedly the way I did.


    However, there were two things that I truly wanted before he looked for someone else to replace me in his heart. I wanted him to love me like he used to do and accompanied me until my time was over.

 Chapter 24 - Fainted All Of A Sudden

    TU (Technology Unity) Company.


    On the next day, I worked as usual with a lot of files piled on the desk.


    A few moments later, a new employee knocked on the door. As soon as I invited him in, he said politely, "Mr. Park, could you check this design, please? Mr. Kim isn''t in his office now, so Mr. Hye asked me to come to your room."


    Smiling, I reached out to take some of the files that he handed out and observed them.


    Amid my seriousness, my cell phone suddenly rang and I answered it quickly.


    It''s Daehyun. He asked me to give him a list of companies that were doing cooperation with ours. Without lingering, I immediately sent them to him.


    After talking to him on the phone, I looked back at the files and crossed-out the parts that needed to be remade.


    Daehyun had rarely been in his room these over two days. He was swamped these days. There were many important meetings and project observations that he had to do out of the city.


    However, as his assistant, I couldn''t accompany him continuously. The reason was I also had to go to the hospital routinely to do a check-up.


    It didn''t make him upset at all. On the contrary, he could understand my condition quite well and was even more enthusiastic when he heard that excuse.


    "Your design is good enough, but there are some parts that you need to change. Particularly, for the coloring," paused for a moment, I smiled as I handed these files to the young employee while saying, "Come back when you''re done. I''ll be here until 4 o''clock."


    The employee nodded. He seemed to understand, then left the room immediately with a slightly disappointed face while staring at his work.


    I returned to my previous work, watching at the monitor and continuing to make development graphics that would be presented in the next two days.


    Regarding the section on the level of company profit in the respective departments and companies concerned, I didn''t fully understand. Even though Daehyun had explained several things about the cooperation in company A, B, and C and his fortunes, still I had to think hard to input a lot of numbers.


    I took a deep breath. Thinking about it was as difficult as working on the graphics. Fortunately, no matter how difficult my works were, ''the Genius Kim'' was a very knowledgeable man. He was great at correcting any errors. He would fix them.


    During recess, Go Hyunjae and I went to a restaurant, not far from the company.


    The place was so traditional. No wonder, Go Hyunjae truly liked places that were classic yet elegant. He said that those were more attractive and comfortable.


    "Chunghee, look! The Rose Festival will be held tomorrow in Jungnang!" She showed me an article on his cell phone screen, then continued, "Look! Look at this one too, the International Fireworks will be held next week in Pohang. Oh, damn, I want to come to all those festivals!" she spoke with enthusiasm.


    I was momentarily stunned. That sounded fun. I also truly wanted to come to those festivals with ... Donghwa, but ...


    "Hey, Chunghee, let''s go. We can go with your lover too ...," paused for a moment, she exclaimed, "Ah! No! Don''t even think about it. We''ll go alone."


    "My lover?" I frowned in confusion.


    "Hmm? Yes, your lover. The one who often deliveries those delicious foods for you. But, you don''t even eat them. You don''t appreciate something that is given by love."


    Thinking for a moment, I immediately understood who she meant through those words, and sighed heavily. "Senior, come on ... You''ve been misunderstanding all along."


    "Hoo, really?"


    I didn''t lie and said that the person who often gave the food for me was Mr. Kim ¡ª our boss.


    I also explained that Kim Daehyun and I had known each other for a long time so she wouldn''t think of any further things.


    Hearing this, she fell silent. Her face stiffened and she stopped chewing the food in her mouth, but suddenly laughing out loud. It made the people in this place aimed their eyes at the same point.


    The two of us discussed about two festivals shortly and occasionally argued because of our respective choices. Until finally, the choice fell on the Rose Festival tomorrow morning. Luckily, tomorrow was Sunday.


    After a while, we left this place and were about to return to the company.


    The restaurant was quite close to the company. It only took a few minutes on foot to arrive at the company.


    However, before we arrived, my body felt uneasy. Go Hyunjae, who had been watching me for a while, asked worriedly, "Chunghee, are you okay? You look pale."


    I nodded weakly, "I''m okay."


    "But, why do you look so pale? Are you sure that you''re okay?"


    I nodded once again and smiled, convincing her with a lie.


    A few moments later, my head suddenly ached even more. My gaze began to darken, but my ears could still pick up the voices of the people even with unclear words. Then, I could feel my body falling on the ground until I lost my consciousness and didn''t remember anything else.


    When I opened my eyes gradually, a bright light shot into my eyes. I squinted and opened my eyes slowly. Not being obvious, I looked around. This place was a room with a familiar smell. I muttered softly, "Where am I?"


    I got up and sat on the bed. Feeling dazed, the last thing that I remembered was walking with Go Hyunjae towards the company. And when I woke up, I was already here.


    I had an IV in my hand. The smell of disinfectant in this room was so strong. It stings the nose. I immediately realized that I was in the hospital now.


    I was about to run away, but the knock on the door made me freeze.


    Someone familiar came in while exclaiming with joy, "Huh, Chunghee, you already woke up! I was distressed about you!"


    Go Hyunjae jumped at me. She hugged me with an obvious joy on her face, but I was still frozen with a daze and couldn''t move my body.


    Soon after that, she let go of her hands and spoke while handing me a cell phone, "This is your cell phone. It''s dead, but don''t worry because I brought a charger for you."


    It took a few seconds for my consciousness to return, then asked, "Senior, how long have I been out?"


    Go Hyunjae glanced at the watch she was wearing, "Um, about 2 hours ..."

 Chapter 25 - Awaiting For The Right Time

    In this room, our conversation didn''t last long. Go Hyunjae put a food parcel and some fresh fruits on the table before she left because of busyness.


    After charging my phone, I immediately turned it on and got lots of notifications.


    There were over a thousand incoming messages including corporate groups and twenty missed calls. Six missed calls from the new numbers. Three missed calls from Mr. Hye. Five missed calls from Daehyun, and more were missed calls from ¡­ Donghwa?!


    I didn''t think about anything else and called Donghwa immediately.


    However, on the initial call, he didn''t answer. I looked at the clock on my cell phone, seeing the time of his incoming call earlier which did have a long time difference of about three hours.


    Worried, I sighed softly and called him once again. It took a few seconds to connect before he answered in a furious tone.


    "Why the fuck didn''t you answer my call, huh?! Do You think that I have plenty of time to keep calling you?!"


    He didn''t even greet me or asked how I was doing but yelling at me heartlessly.


    How sorrowful this relationship is!


    I bit my lower lip, trying to keep from crying. Then, I tried to explain calmly, "Donghwa, I''m sorry. I¡ª"


    But, unfortunately, before I said what I wanted to explain, Donghwa cut my words off.


    "Look! How many calls I have on your phone?! You know, how hard it is to find the right time to call you?! But you just ignored my calls. Are you fucking kidding me right now?!"


    "Donghwa, look, I didn''t mean to ignore them. I just ..."


    I didn''t give up and tried to explain it one more time by holding back the anger that had swelled up in my chest. But, it seemed that he didn''t want to hear any explanation from me at all. He kept saying things where were contrary to the reality that had just happened.


    His words sickened me off, then I shouted out of a sudden, "Donghwa, you''re a piece of shit! You know, I''m sick now and I''m going to die! Can you stop scolding me?! Please!"


    After finishing my sentence, I hang up the ongoing call quickly. Hearing every harsh word of him would only make me felt more painful than this.


    He called me back several times, but I ignored them on purpose as I still could feel his harsh words on my chest as if they were tearing my feelings. It was painful.


    But, apparently, he didn''t give up and texted me.


    "Pick up your phone, please."


    I just open the message and read it, then laying back down to calm myself down. Without realizing it, I fell asleep and woke up at night.


    A nurse came in with food and some medicines. She smiled kindly. Before she left, she said, "Sir, the doctor will come to check on your condition later. So, please eat first, then take your medicine."


    Still in a laying position, I gazed at the ceiling of this room blankly. But, suddenly the sound of "ting" sounded several times in silence. I immediately grab my cell phone which was next to my head. Those were some messages from Donghwa.


    "Chunghee, I''m sorry for being angry with you this afternoon. I didn''t mean to scold you, but since I had a lot of hard stuff today, scolding you really wasn''t my intention. I''m sorry, okay?"


    "I was wrong and I know that you''re mad because of me. But, please, I beg you not to say something like that anymore, okay?"


    "I want to talk to you now. Pick up your phone, please."


    After reading the messages, he called me, but I didn''t want to answer the call until the end. Then, several messages from him came in.


    "Are you still mad at me? I''m really sorry. I was annoyed with one of my staff, and evidently carried away when we talked earlier. I beg you, I''m sorry ..."


    "Chunghee, why didn''t you tell me that you''re sick? Since when have you been sick? Have you taken your medicine? I''m really worried about you right now. Didn''t I tell you that, don''t make me worry as long as I''m not with you? Please, take care of yourself when I''m not there. Don''t make me worry anymore ..."


    "I''ll be home soon. Now, take a rest. I love you. Good night."


    I smiled bitterly. There was a feeling of joy, but the pain in my chest was piercing through the bones, so I didn''t feel the pleasure any longer and cried silently.


    However, amidst my sadness, the sound of knocking on the door startled me. I immediately wiped my tears and pulled the blanket to cover my whole body in it.


    "Chunghee, are you okay?" Daehyun walked in with worry in his voice.


    I smiled weakly, and asked, "Who told you that I was here?"


    Standing next to me, he held my hand and answered with a low voice, "Go Hyunjae."


    I slowly got up from my position, and Daehyun helped me by holding my back.


    "Chunghee, you better have to do what the doctor suggests you. Don''t you want to get well soon?"


    I silently stared at him. Hearing that question made me want to laugh at his words but I couldn''t.


    No one in this world wanted to be constantly sick. I wanted to get well soon, but there was something inside of me that doubted this thing.


    "You''re so stubborn."


    I smiled as I carefully removed his hand, and spoke weakly, "Daehyun, I''m scared. I''m not ready for that. I need more time to think about it again."


    "Till when? Do you think all you have is just a common fever? Chunghee, don''t wait till everything ... no ... I don''t want that shit to happen to you."


    I exactly didn''t know what I was waiting for. A right time? I thought that being stubborn would just make it too late. Even though I knew it clearly, this pain made me want to punish myself by doing this. After all, I also doubted that the "right time" truly existed in this trashy relationship.


    Stunned for a moment, I spoke, "Tomorrow ... the graph, I''ve already finished it. It''s on my computer. You just need to check it again."


    Daehyun chuckled, massaging the bridge of his nose, "With your current condition, and you''re still thinking about your work?"


    I forced a smile.


    Daehyun sighed. He was heard muttering softly, "Nonsense."


    A few moments later, he immediately left reluctantly. He had no good reason to remain here as an important work didn''t know any situation of him, even if he wanted to stay for a long time.


    After Daehyun left the ward, there was a silence that filled the void in this room. It felt like living alone in this wide world without anyone else and rotting alone in this bitterness.


    Honestly, I wanted him to stay any longer, staying with me for a few moments more to make me smiled from these painful things. However, to say that directly sounded selfish. He had been too much trouble for someone like me. So, all I could do was mutter inwardly.


    Donghwa, come home now ...

 Chapter 26 - The Figure I Had Been Waiting For

    After two days of staying in the hospital, the doctor finally allowed me to go home, but that was after my checkup today. I couldn''t hide my enthusiasm when the doctor told me about it.


    While waiting for the medical check-up, I read several incoming emails. All of them were about the meeting and other schedules in the TU company.


    When I was about to put my cell phone back on the bedside table, it suddenly rang with a familiar ID that popped up on the screen. Smiling, I immediately answered, "Hello, Doctor Jeong, what''s going on?"


    "Hello, how are you, Mr. Park? I''ve already talked to the doctor who treated you there, and he said that you can do a checkup this afternoon."


    Hearing that good news, I replied with a cheerful tone, "Really? Thank you, Doc. Next time, I''ll buy you lunch if you have time."


    "Mr. Park, you''re my patient and I have to provide the best service to you. But it seems that as a doctor, I spoil you too much. So, I want you to get surgery immediately to pay for me."


    I chuckled at those words. "Sure. When I''m ready, I''ll do it."


    After that short conversation, the phone was immediately cut off.


    Doctor Jeong was such a good person. Thanked him, I didn''t need to be treated intensively in this hospital after he had had a little negotiation with the head of this hospital. I owed him.


    In the quiet of this room, someone just walked in and exclaimed all of a sudden, "Chunghee!"


    I immediately turned toward the door and saw Go Hyunjae enter the room without knocking first, then walked towards me.


    Her face was bright and she shouted cheerfully, "Chunghee, you can finally go home. Huh, I''m glad to hear that you can go home today. After this, I don''t want to know, that you can''t go to the hospital next time. You have to take care of your health and don''t make me panic like before. Promise me not to worry me again."


    I smiled. Hearing those words that sounded so worried about me, I nodded weakly.


    In the middle of our conversation, a knock was heard on the door, then a nurse came in with a wheelchair while smiling. It seemed that it was time for a medical check-up.


    I sat on the wheelchair and the nurse immediately led me to the room where the doctor was, while Go Hyunjae followed us behind.


    It wasn''t far from the ward. In that room, a clean and handsome doctor greeted me with a friendly smile. He took a syringe and ampoule and broke the ampoule, then sucked all the liquid in it into the syringe. After that, he was ready to do the injection.


    However, when the syringe just touched my skin, I gasped and almost screamed, "Doctor, I thought that you would just check on me?"


    The doctor smiled kindly while explaining, "That''s right. Now, I have to give you the injection and this afternoon you can go home. Don''t forget to control your condition at Doctor Jeong''s place after this, okay?"


    I was shocked by those words and lowered my gaze a little. Those words confirmed that he already knew my real condition.


    When the doctor was about to do the injection once again, my hand moved reflexively. He glanced at me, still showing a friendly smile. As if he knew my thoughts, he said, "I just want to give you vitamins, sir."


    Hearing this, there was the relief that made me allow him to continue the injection.


    Afterward, the same nurse brought me back to the previous room, then resumed her work


    Go Hyunjae peeled the apple skin, cut it into small pieces, then offered them to me.


    "Senior, aren''t you working today?" while asking, I took a slice of apple and ate it.


    She chuckled. "What are you talking about? It''s resting time."


    I was stunned for a moment and thought that she was using her resting time just for coming to see me. She was truly a good person.


    Go Hyunjae spent her resting time at this place. We talked about many things about the Rose Festival that was held in Jungnang yesterday.


    She showed me some photos and videos she took when she was there. Seeing that joy also made me regret myself. But besides that, there was resilience as time was unpredictable and not to be blamed, so planning didn''t always run smoothly.


    In the afternoon, Go Hyunjae returned to the company a few hours ago. As the doctor said that I could go home this afternoon, I started tidying up my things and the bed before leaving this place.


    When I was about to throw the dry Azalea on the table, an incoming call from Daehyun came in and I immediately answered it, "Hello?"


    Without further ado, he asked, "I heard that you can go home this afternoon. So, when are you going out from the hospital?" His deep voice was heard on a different line.


    This was Daehyun''s third call in a day. Taking a deep breath, I replied, "Now. I''ve got my things done."


    "What? Right now? But, I can''t pick you up this afternoon. Do I need to get someone to drive you home?"


    Hearing those words, I touched my forehead while saying, "Daehyun, don''t treat me as if I just always depend on you like a baby. You''re a busy man. You have a lot of work to do. I can go home by taxi. Now, just focus on your current work, and If there''s nothing you want to talk about, I''ll hang up."


    Daehyun didn''t give any comments and agreed with it, then I immediately hung up.


    Afterward, I left this hospital, waiting for a taxi for a few minutes by the side of the road. It didn''t take a long time until a taxi parked in front of me and drove me to the apartment.


    On the way, I fell asleep along the way, until the taxi driver woke me up as we arrived.


    After giving a few won (Korean Won) to the taxi driver, I got on the floor of my apartment by using the elevator and went inside of my place immediately.


    The atmosphere of this room didn''t change at all. There were only silence and the dim light of the lights. This gloom was just an endless waiting, but it''s better than being in the hospital alone.


    When it was 9.00 p.m, I laid down on the bed to rest. However, before closing my eyes, the sound of the door which was opened, along with the sound of slow footsteps that sounded sneaking around in the living room distracted me. I immediately got up to check who it was.


    When turning on the light, the figure of the man who was standing in the middle of the room made me freeze in shock instantly.


    "Chunghee, you haven''t slept yet?"


    His deep, deep voice reflected a strong intimacy in this room. It had been a long time since this meeting. Hearing his voice after a long-ago seemed to make me going to cry because of happiness and pain in a betrayal.


    He watched me for a while before he spoke worriedly, "Chunghee, you''ve been working too much. Don''t push yourself. Look at yourself, you''re pale."

 Chapter 27 - He Didnt Change

    Without realizing it, he was already in front of me, touching my face gently which I had missed for quite a while. However, that longing suddenly became a knife that sliced ??my feelings slowly, which I could feel all over my body.


    I froze at the moment. I didn''t even notice that his warm lips had touched mine by giving a gentle kiss and then getting wilder.


    The alcoholic scent of his breath was so strong. It got even sharper as his tongue penetrated my mouth through the rows of my teeth, then explored my oral cavity by licking my tongue; biting my lower lip; then returning to crush it wildly and full of lust.


    He acted so sudden. Without preparing myself, it made me surprised. I immediately pushed his body to calm myself down who was a little dazed because of his kisses.


    However, he was completely reluctant to give a long pause and pulled my face back and kissed me even more wildly, even his hand started entering my thin pajamas roughly.


    The treatment didn''t make me feel good, so I pushed him back hard so that I could move away from him a bit.


    He frowned instantly, looking at me with a different cold gaze from the beginning. It made me worry about his demeanor by showing repressed anger. He asked in a low voice that sounded cold, "Are you still mad at me?"


    I didn''t answer him and just kept staring at him with disbelief in my eyes.


    In the silence of the two of us, suddenly my cell phone rang in the bedroom and immediately dissolved the cold tense atmosphere between us. Donghwa shifted his gaze to our bedroom where my cell phone was, then turned his eyes back to me with a frown. Nervously, I went into our bedroom to pick up the phone.


    However, after seeing Daehyun''s name on that incoming call, something terrible flashed through my mind like Mars that was ready to hit the earth. Then, I asked him hesitatingly, "What''s wrong?"


    But, without answering, he instead replied by asking me back, "Chunghee, I thought that you were asleep. Why aren''t you sleeping yet?"


    "Oh, um, I ..."


    I couldn''t continue my sentence. This nervousness felt like griding my bones when I saw Donghwa standing next to me and observing my conversation with Daehyun on the phone right now.


    This was bad. Daehyun was calling at the wrong time.


    "Chunghee, are you okay?"


    "Ah, um ... yes, I''m okay."


    Daehyun heard sighing softly, then said, "Hey, I''m sorry because I couldn''t keep you company while you were in the hospital. I was really busy. Next time, I''ll come to your place to see how you are."


    Hearing his words, I replied immediately, "Ah, no, no. It''s fine."


    I thought that Donghwa would just stay behind my back. But, all of a sudden his hand slipped back into my pajamas and caused an uncomfortable amusement.


    While continuing to hold back my voice, I said to Daehyun slightly stammered, "Dae ... Daehyun, it''s almost late at night. I ... I have to take a rest ...."


    Hearing this, Daehyun agreed and then hung up the phone.


    But, mentioning his name might be a mistake.


    After talking to Daehyun for a moment, Donghwa suddenly turned my body towards him roughly, then pressed my cheeks quite hard. It shocked me and grimaced in pain.


    Donghwa shouted right on my face, "Daehyun?!"


    I tried to let go of his hand on my cheeks, but it was in vain. His strength was too strong and he was suppressing them with great force even more.


    "Who the fuck is that bastard?! That name sounds familiar!" with a pause, he continued, "Answer me! You have a mouth to explain this shit, right?!" while saying, he threw my face away violently.


    My face ached so badly, but I tried to endure it. By touching my sore face, I answered softly, "He''s a president in the company where I work now ...."


    I stared at his red face with anger which was showing a mounting emotion and made me even more scared.


    "Oh, so he''s ... the rich man ¡ª a boss who calls you at the time like this ... ridiculous!"


    I was speechless. He didn''t change at all and he was even getting worse. However, as usual, I was the one who had to blame myself and gave in for the sake of our relationship.


    Fortunately, he might be exhausted, so he didn''t argue about this any longer and turned around, and then he walked away while taking off his suit. He went into the bathroom to take a shower.


    Trembling, I laid back down, curling up in the blanket. No matter how hard I held back from crying, my tears had lost their pride and rolled out on my face without any embarrassment.


    However, so that Donghwa didn''t see my sadness, I tried to hold back my tears and wiped them off by using the blanket.


    Not long after, Donghwa came out of the bathroom and immediately put on the black pajamas that he usually wore, then laid down beside me.


    His hands hugged my body from behind. I could also feel his breath on the nape of my neck. He said softly, "Chunghee, I miss you so much. You don''t even want to answer my call. Did I really make you mad at that time? I''m sorry, okay?"


    It was quite a relief when he no longer thought about Daehyun. But, the other thing that was still bothering me and causing even more disappointment was, Donghwa had never asked about how I was right now. It made me think that he didn''t care about me anymore.


    I didn''t want to hear his words about whether he missed me or not, neither did the word ''sorry'' he said. If he thought that I was angry then yes, I was angry, but I couldn''t show it to him. I just wanted to hear him saying, ''How are you doing now?'' it would make me delighted.


    "Chunghee, I miss you so much." while saying, he started kissing my neck, gently but also prickling my heart.


    Without turning around, I said calmly, "Donghwa, I don''t feel like doing it right now."


    "Why? Don''t you miss me? Are you still mad at me?"


    I sighed silently, then turned around to touch his face with genuine compassion, "I''m not mad at you. But I just want you to understand that I just got out of the hospital today. I can''t do it."


    Hearing this, he sighed in disappointment, "All right, then take a rest. Good night."


    He was showing a smile, but I could see that it wasn''t sincere before he kissed my forehead. He then got close to me with his hands were still hugging my body.


    I could only grip the blanket tightly, holding back the tears in my eyes and swallowing the screams in my throat.


    I knew that I still loved him from the bottom of my heart, but this relationship was already on the brink of chaos. If he didn''t change and kept lying on me, I couldn''t stay on top of this unbearable thing any longer. It was like walking through flames where if you didn''t burn to death, you would die from inhaling poison. But, if you even made it through, it would still leave scars on your body.


    All of this just needed time to die or get hurt.

 Chapter 28 - Words That Please Me

    The next day, I woke up very early. I sat for a while on the bed, staring downwards blankly as if my soul was still lingering in a nightmare before finally regaining consciousness, and turned to look at Donghwa slowly who was still sleeping beside me.


    When I was about to get out of the bed, Donghwa was heard muttering my name in a low voice but it could still be heard clearly in my ears. I smiled, then kissed his forehead secretly. Worried that a little touch would wake him up, so I immediately lifted my head while saying in a hushed voice, "Donghwa, welcome home."


    After that, I got out of the bed, then walked to the bathroom to take a shower. I walked like a bride, slowly with heavy steps. It was just that the brides would smile as they walked towards the altar, while I had to endure the pain in my body and soul while continuing to carry my legs as if they had just been crushed.


    A few minutes later, after taking a shower, as I still had to work today, I immediately prepared breakfast for the two of us before waking Donghwa up.


    Today everything felt so normal. No bickering between us. He also returned on time after working at Daejeon all day and returned in the evening in a good mood. This situation lasted for the next few days until he decided to stay home and took a few days off.


    In autumn, the star in the morning was rarely seen. There were only dark clouds covering the sky as if heavy rain would fall for several days.


    However, the weather wasn''t something that could be predicted. For the past few days, the dark clouds brought only cold air and seemed to bring the news that winter was at the end of the month.


    In the apartment, I stepped out of the bedroom in a hurry. However, when I was about to pass through the living room, I immediately stopped when I saw Donghwa who was sitting on the sofa while watching TV shows with a serious look as if there was the distress that he was trying to suppress.


    During these few days, Donghwa and I spent more time together. After finishing his works about two days ago, he said that he wasn''t going to Daejeon for a few days.


    "You''re not going anywhere today?" I asked with a smile, but in my own heart, I was mocking him right now.


    He turned to me with a smile, then stood up and approached me immediately. He touched my face while asking, "Are you leaving for work? Today, I still want to stay here with you, don''t you want to spend all day with me?"


    He gazed at me deeply, as if his gaze would become magic that would change someone''s mind. His intimate voice was something soft and seductive. People who heard it for the first time would think that he was an adorable person who had a strong level of sensuality that was deadly and would plunge a person into an infinite warmth.


    However, for me, everything had become painful things. I just tried to recover from them all.


    I grinned. Holding his hand to my face, I spoke with great affection, as if I didn''t spare all the affections that were inside of me.


    "I have to go. During I was in the hospital and when I came back, my boss has given me a lot of policies. He gave me a week off. And if I add more days, I''ll be an ungrateful person. You better eat lunch outside, okay?"


    He stared at me for a moment before hugging my body warmly while saying, "Hmm, fine, but you have to come back soon when your work is done. Don''t push yourself too hard. Don''t make me wait too long."


    Hearing the last sentence of him, something sharp pierced my heart instantly. I clenched my fists tightly and buried my face in his chest, enduring the pain that pierced my heart.


    After that warm embrace, as I was about to walk away to leave, he shouted again, "Wait! Let me drive you. I''ll take my jacket first."


    He hurried got into the bedroom and came back with his warm black jacket, then he drove me immediately.


    On the way, we didn''t have much conversation, like a couple who had just had their first date and there was an awkward moment between them. I thought, with Donghwa who drove me in this morning, he would talk about many interesting things at his work or would come up with the reasons about why he had not come back in the past few months, but it was far from my expectations.


    Is he waiting for me to say something? But, why should I be the first, while I have been waiting for him all this time until the summer has passed?


    I exactly want to hear a piece of a story about many things from him. What has he been doing all this time? Why did he just come back? Why didn''t he notify me previously? And ... the young man who was with him at that time ... what is their relationship?


    I didn''t care about a falsehood that he would convey to me. But at least, the conversation would be able to fill our wasted time in this awkwardness rather than be silent all over the time, wasting time in futile silence.


    It was just as painful as when he went away and disappeared, then came back as he pleased.


    After a long moment of deliberation, finally, my courage gathered. I turned to him, and paused for a moment before asking, "Um, Donghwa, Will you ... will you go with me to the Fireworks Festival on Sunday?"


    "Is it in Pohang?" Donghwa asked, without turning to me.


    I immediately widened my eyes. I was a little surprised when he found out where the place for this festival would be, and it meant that he had known it beforehand.


    I said with a smiley face, "Yes. If you''re not busy, will you go with me? It''s been a while since we went together ...."

 Chapter 29 - Kim Daehyuns Weird Demeanor

    He grinned after hearing those words and spoke in a light tone, "I have an invitation to dinner with my colleague''s business on Sundays, but I''ll try to clear my schedule if you still want to go to the festival. I''ll order my assistant to take care of it."


    His words were very subtle and full of seduction. Then, he touched my head gently. "We''ll be there, okay?"


    I smiled after hearing those words from him ¡ª the words that pleased me. If I asked for something any time, then he would answer as he did now, I might not need to prejudice him.


    However, something like that was already the rarest thing that I had rarely encountered as if it was a meteorite that crossed the earth once in a hundred years. If it could be called my luck, then the rest was only sorrow that became a curse for the rest of my life.


    But whatever the name was, whether it was a miracle or luck or he, who had repented, then I just need to feel what should be my gratitude in the remaining time.


    After all, I shouldn''t waste anything that was promised by him or I would die with all the wounds I had without a single bit of happiness.


    After a while, we arrived at my workplace. With a smile and a kiss, we parted ways. I rushed to my room in a hurry as it was too late for work.


    Several hours spent with multiple files, the clicking sound of the door sounded to echo in the silence.


    A very familiar person entered the room with a familiar smile. He walked elegantly and seemed to carry a pleasant atmosphere. However, without a care, I continued to focus on the computer and the data collection that I was working on.


    "Chunghee ...."


    Hearing him called my name in a very intimate tone, I immediately stopped working and raised my face.


    He smiled as he saw me. He leaned lazily against the window sill of the room, with his sharp eyes but there was an indistinct softness.


    He looked nice in the dark Single Breasted Suit he was wearing, with a tie that was neatly tied around his long neck. He looked even more charming in his current appearance and had an alluring aura that was strong enough like pheromones to fill this room. Who else, he was the ''respectable young master'' of the "Kim" Family.


    For several days I didn''t see his face, it made his face look more handsome when I saw him for the first time today. But, his bad habit of walking into someone else''s room was the worst thing. It made all the excess was like flowers bloom and then rotten as if they were wiped out by the receding seawater.


    With a frown on my face, I spoke, "At least, you should say ''excuse me'' when you enter someone''s room. Have you never been taught about ''politeness'' when you come to someone''s home?"


    Hearing that, he chuckled in a restrained. "It seems that this stupid Kim Daehyun really needs someone to teach him about ''politeness'' because there is someone who always acts like he is his mother."


    I took a heavy sigh, trying not to fall for the joke and refocusing on the work in front of me, pretending not to seem concerned.


    If he weren''t a president in this company, I might have kicked him out of my room. After all, it was already compassionate by just saying those words.


    However, something even more shocking to me had just happened. How shocked I was when his hands were already hugging my body from behind. It made me stop my work and flinched sideways. It was something ... beyond my expectations...


    Startled, I spontaneously stood up until he took his hands off of my body. Then, I turned towards him, staring at his face with a pounding heart.


    "Chunghee, what''s wrong?" while asking, he looked at me in surprise.


    I froze for a moment. It was a deliberate act, even his face didn''t look regretful that was confirming everything. Keeping my eyes on his face, I thought in my mind, ''This isn''t true. There''s something wrong with him. He looks different from the truly him. He is weird today.''


    But I tried to distract from the thoughts, thinking that it was a joke that he was saying.


    He then touched my face gently with both hands. "I''ve been distressed about you these past few days."


    I put his hand away reflexively, taking a step back, and spoke, "Ah, I''m ... sorry. I was just shocked." while lowering my gaze, I spoke very awkwardly.


    He took a deep breath, then spoke solemnly, "I just came here to see how you are. Are you feeling better now? Don''t push yourself too hard to work."


    I nodded once, confirming the question to avoid an argument.


    "You want to go out to dinner with me?"


    Hearing the offer, I raised my eyes instantly. Stunned for a moment, I replied with a low voice, "Sorry, I can''t. I have to go home early this afternoon."


    He raised an eyebrow, showing a suspicious face. "Why? It''s unusual. Is the woman you live with waiting in your apartment? Hmm, it''s too bad that I can''t have dinner with you tonight."


    Although he spoke calmly, his tone sounded mocking. I shouted, "Daehyun, you''re rude!"


    His words sounded awful to my ears that they made me even more wistful. I never thought that he would say such a thing to me. That was demeaning to my pride!


    He looked shocked when he saw me showing an annoyed face, and there was a sudden silence when he heard my voice which sounded angry.


    Without saying another word, he was about to leave this room. However, realizing that my demeanor was indeed a little exaggerated for a word that might just be a joke from him, I immediately grabbed his arm, and said with sincere regret, "Daehyun, I''m sorry. Don''t ... don''t be offended. I was just trying to warn you. Sorry, if that''s too much."


    He turned to me, then touched my face while saying, "Hey, it''s okay. I was wrong to say that. I''m sorry. You''re right. You have to come home soon and take a rest. Take care of your health."


    I let go of my grip on his arm slowly and let him go with the worry etched obviously on his face.


    After Daehyun left this room, I dropped my body on the sofa. I laid on it with my hands on my head and felt so guilty. My head was spinning in vague thoughts and everything seemed like an unsolved problem.


    I smiled stupidly and encouraged myself not to get lost in this thought. By forcing my body to move, I immediately got up and returned to my desk to continue my work until evening came.


    After working, I took the time to see Dr. Jeong in the Du-Ho Hospital to check my condition and collect some medicines which were running low.

 Chapter 30 - Believe Me!

    Behind the desk, Dr. Jeong asked with obvious concern in his voice, "Mr. Park, put it this way, if you don''t want to do surgery, then what about chemotherapy? Ah, no, all medical procedures must be done according to the rules."


    I could only smile weakly to show a subtle refusal.


    Dr. Jeong shook his head, showing his weakness in facing my stubbornness. He took off his glasses, placing them on the pile of anatomy books while asking curiously, "Why do you keep delaying it, sir? Your condition is getting worse. You sometimes felt sudden numbness, headaches several times a day, and bleeding. All of them indicate that your condition is getting worse. It can''t be left alone for too long."


    Finishing his sentences, Dr. Jeong sighed for a moment, then looked at me with high hope in his eyes, expecting me to change my mind soon and get rid of my stubbornness.


    "Mr. Park, you''re the most stubborn patient that I have worked with. Please, give me a reasonable excuse so I can take those words back." The worry in his tone turned to the disappointment in his soft voice.


    I just kept silent. There was nothing I could say to deny all that truth.


    If he said that I was stubborn and irresponsible with myself, people would laugh at me when I evaded the truth.


    He took a deep breath and repeated the same question with a little affirmation, "Sir, please, speak up. Give me a reason why are you delaying for surgery?"


    After a few seconds of silence, I answered, "Doctor Jeong, I''m just scared. I can''t decide to do surgery now, while chemotherapy,


    I heard that chemotherapy has many side effects and I also heard that it hurts a lot."


    Hearing that excuse, Dr. Jeong couldn''t help but chuckle, "I thought that you have a different reason with others. And apparently, it''s no different from the reasons of my other patients," paused for a second, he continued, "One thing that you need to know, sir, where many cancer sufferers are strong people. You just need encouragement. Next time, maybe you should invite your family to come to see me so I can give a little understanding, and I''m sure that they will agree with that decision."


    Family ... heh ...


    It was like a familiar joke ...


    The only family I had now was Donghwa, but it seemed like I was the only one to consider our relationship as a family other than as lovers for now and in the future.


    Of all these painful things, I couldn''t possibly tell him about this. It was like embarrassing myself.


    However, I knew that there was time when he would find out about this, whether it was me, who told him, or he would found out by himself.


    After being in this hospital for a while and receiving a lot of advice from Dr. Jeong, I immediately went home with some medicines that were given by him as a souvenir for myself.


    When I got to the apartment and stood alone in the living room, I mused in the gloom. Donghwa said that he would stay at home and wait for me to return. However, since I was downstairs, I didn''t see his car and it confirmed that he wasn''t there.


    He wasn''t someone who could stay at home.


    Since he didn''t give me any news, so I tried to call him but in vain. He didn''t even activate his cell phone, so I decided to wait for him until it was 9.00 p.m.


    Currently, Donghwa still had not returned and not given any news at all.


    I fell asleep in the living room without realizing it. But when I woke up from sleep, I felt something warm touched my forehead. When I opened my eyes carefully, the face of someone who was smiling at me was like the warmth of spring after snow.


    Donghwa''s soft and intimate voice sounded like a whisper, "Chunghee, you''re wearing such thin clothes and falling asleep here? Go to the bedroom. You can catch a cold if you sleep here."


    I yawned and rubbed my eyes while replying, "I didn''t know if I fell asleep here."


    "Have you eaten?" he asked.


    I nodded slowly.


    It was getting late and Donghwa just came back. However, there was something different about him that made suspicions slowly arise. Now, not only the smell of alcohol on his clothes but the smell of a different perfume that I could sense obviously of his body. I was sure that it didn''t belong to him.


    I wanted to ask, ''Where have you been? What are you doing out there?'' Yet he wasn''t someone who liked possessive questions like those. It would only give me something worse.


    Sighing silently, I spoke quietly, "Donghwa, stop drinking alcohol. I don''t like the smell of it."


    He smiled, then touched my head. "I will."


    He then went into the bedroom to change his clothes, while I remained in the living room, thinking of myself who might have been betrayed tonight ¡ª no! But, I had been betrayed a long time ago, much longer before this even.


    "Hey, Chunghee?"


    But, when he came out of the room, he showed a different face, cold and terrifying me with a look that was like ... stabbing my chest with a knife.


    He showed something at the tip of his finger, and coldly said, "You aren''t someone who likes to use a handkerchief, are you? And, you must also know that I don''t have a handkerchief like this. Do you have an answer, who the hell is the owner of this handkerchief?"


    In his hand was a washed brown handkerchief. It was Daehyun''s. It had been a while so I forgot to return it.


    I tried to remain quiet even though with a feeling of shock as if it wanted to blow my heart, then answered, "It belongs to Mr. Kim. I forgot to return it."


    "Oh, so that Mr. President again? Do you have a good reason why do you have this?"


    I sighed and stood up in front of him. "He lent me when I was sick, and I forgot to give it back to him."


    I grabbed the handkerchief from his fingers. However, he immediately gripped my wrist so tightly as if he was about to crush my bones ... as well as my heart...


    "Looks like this handkerchief is precious to you. It is tucked neatly in your wardrobe as if you didn''t let me find it. Heh, but damn it, because I opened your wardrobe earlier and I found this!" He screamed as if he had gone mad.


    I threw my hand so that he released his firm gripping on my wrist. "Yes! I don''t want you to find it. Why? It''s because you always think of ridiculous things like that! Get it?!"


    The redness on his face showed a growing emotion in him. It took me aback in my current fear and instinctively hugged his body, hoping that by doing this thing would calm him down a bit. "Donghwa, I''ve said the truth. He just lent it to me. I beg you to believe me."


    I couldn''t help but cry. Every time he scolded me, it was stifling my chest. It was truly painful. However, instead of getting better, he, who was with a sense of uncontrollable anger, evident on his reddish face with blue veins were protruding on his forehead, pushing me hardly without pity.


    I stared into his eyes in disbelief. It wounded my heart and hurt it even more than the hard impact wound when he pushed me away.


    Now, he didn''t want to listen to my words and was even doing this rudely. He was so different when I compared his current personality to the beginning of our relationship ¡ª nine years ago where he often gave in to me and always listened to me.

 Chapter 31 - Going Out To Cool Myself Off

    "Fool! If you want me to believe you, give me solid proof! You know me pretty well, don''t you? You must know that I wouldn''t believe such bullshit easily!"


    The loud voice by him gave me a little jolt. I saw his face that was showing merciless fierceness, then being cooled down gradually, and there was no longer showing the slightest tenderness. It seemed to crush all the feelings I had into small pieces, but I was stupidly still gathering the shattered feelings and painstakingly putting them back together.


    When I stared at him deeper into his eyes, a sharp glint flashed across his eyes. He didn''t show any expression, but his cold glare was even more terrifying than before and prickling my heart like a needle.


    I was still frozen in startle. Those words confirmed that there was no more belief in his heart, even it was obviously visible in his eyes or it might be longer since it disappeared from him. This situation truly made me unable to process all the questions that kept spinning in my head.


    What kind of proof does he want to? How do I prove the truth while it can''t be proved by the words?


    I had told the truth after all. He just let the anger control himself now as if he became a slave to his own anger.


    "Chunghee, you want me to believe you, right? So give me proof!" Donghwa shouted louder than before.


    Because of that shout, my senses returned, and immediately realized that he had really gone too far. I was angry and hurt, but I continued to endure all of them and spoke with a slightly forced gentleness, "My words are sufficient proof. I never lied to you about something like this. I won''t do that. How can you think of me like that?"


    "Look, you know, till this time I still love you so much. If you complain about something like that to me, may I also complain about the same thing to you? Can you guarantee that you''re not playing with someone else out there?"


    The feeling of disgust made me have to say my words. He accused me of something without the truth, while he had been doing the shameless things behind my back without realizing it or even pretending to be a fool, who didn''t know the difference between cheating and friendship all this time.


    It was unfair to our relationship.


    As soon as I finished my sentence, he immediately pushed me against the wall and choked my neck. He widened his eyes that showed blazing anger while pressing my neck with great force. "What the hell do you mean?! Now you''re accusing me? You cheap slut! You''re no different from the sluts out there, who don''t know that how dirty they are! Now, you''ve ruined my mood."


    Hearing those words, I was startled and frozen in disbelief, glaring at him with sadness that looked pitiful on my face. I felt so much pain in my feelings that I didn''t feel the pain in my neck from the firm grip of his hand against my throat. My tears rolled without knowing it, falling slowly and wetting my face more and more.


    His words were like a beautiful curse, ringing in my mind and never going away.


    With a misty gaze, I stared at him silently, as if the man who was standing in front of me right now wasn''t someone I had known for many years. There was a big difference between Donghwa as a student in college and Donghwa as a president of a well-known company. I didn''t know, whether the kindness of an innocent young man from the past was still present in a president who always considering himself to be the most dominating person, or there was nothing left as it was erased by time.


    We might be too naive.


    At that time, we were two young men who didn''t understand anything, doing all those kindnesses selfishly, only for something called ''love'' that we didn''t know what it was as teeners. It was because of our pigheadedness so that we became two plain, stupid boys who loved each other because of naivety back then.


    We used to hold hands and exchanged affections, but the fact after ten years had passed was like a slap on my face. Now, there were only fights during three years, which either brought our relationship to an end or it was indeed over.


    After a long silence, swallowing all these sorrows of the years, I spoke in a weak and steadfast voice, "Donghwa, let go ...."


    Seeing the sadness on my face, the tense and angry expression on his face slowly turned soft. There was worry in his eyes which was quite obvious, then he let go of his hand without saying anything.


    However, as he didn''t want to look guilty, Donghwa finally clenched his fists tightly, then spoke like a child who didn''t want to admit his mistakes, "This ... I never meant this harshly to you. But, this is because you provoked me first. If you could¡ª"


    "Enough!" I glared at him with sadness and anger like a thick mist in my eyes.


    "Chunghee, I¡ª"


    "I said, enough!" Still by an angry look, I continued, "You said that I was like a dirty slut who had ... ruined your mood ¡ª did I really ruin your mood? Or is it you, with your fleshy brain, which no longer has the lustful to see me? Then, why don''t you just throw me out like useless trash then? ... Or do you wait for me to leave you first? I''ll give you two choices. I''ll do that or you will? I know that you have nothing to lose by choosing one of them, neither I. One day, you have to give me an answer."


    I waited for him to speak up, expressing all of his defenses but he just remained silent without words. So, because of feeling exhausted by all of this, I immediately pushed his body firmly enough that he staggered a few steps back. I rushed to the door without saying another word.


    I was tired for today. Not for my physical, but for my feelings. All the pressure inside of me was really testing my patience on our relationship.


    I wanted to calm myself down for a moment. If there was a place where I could leave this world for some time, then I wanted to go there for a while. Falling asleep; forgetting all the pains I had; and coming back like someone who had not known the pain.


    Before turning the doorknob, he suddenly took my hand while asking, with fear that he tried to hide in his words. "Where are you going? Don''t... don''t be so childish."


    "I don''t want to argue with you. I want to go out to take some air." I replied expressionlessly.


    "What?" paused for a few seconds, he sighed heavily and spoke, "All right, all right, I''m sorry. Now listen to me, you can''t go anywhere. Don''t be stupid to wander around in the middle of the night like this. It''s for your good. I''m mad, it''s also for your good. It''s because I love you so much. I don''t want anyone to take the slightest chance to snatch you from me. Get it?"


    All of this was crazy. Either he or I had gone crazy. He said those words as if he had never done anything wrong so far.


    However, regardless of his words, I threw my hand, then walked out of this apartment while continuing to cry and enduring the pain in my chest.


    Meanwhile, Donghwa followed me from behind with brisk steps. He called me several times and said many things behind my back but in vain. With all this sadness, I was no longer hear anything from him other than the groaning that I kept holding back but it heard obviously in my ears.


    When I was about to enter the elevator, Donghwa suddenly pulled my arm and drowned me in his arms. "Chunghee, where are you going? I''m sorry about earlier. I was wrong, I''m sorry."


    With all my strength, I tried to escape the immense strength that was entangling my body, by pushing his body and even biting him but he only heard grimace without letting go of his hands.


    However, his words seemed to cut my feelings. "Chunghee, there is the CCTV here, don''t embarrass me."


    Even though it sounded painful, I couldn''t feel anything, and spoke in a low voice, "Then let me go if you don''t want to be embarrassed by me. I just want to calm myself down for a moment. I don''t care what time it is, I just need to be alone."


    Suddenly his face turned furious. He glared at me, then pushed my body into the elevator. "Okay, just go! Don''t nag me if something happens to you out there."


    Before the elevator''s door closed, I kept staring at him while clutching my chest with the pain inside. Even if he still had that feeling of ''love'', his eyes didn''t show me that love but there was only cruelty flashed by.

 Chapter 32 - Guilty Kiss

    When I was downstairs, I rushed out of the elevator and cried uncontrollably. I tried to hold back my voice but it was useless. This uncontrollable feeling of pain was already like a pressurized urge. If I persisted in enduring it, it would destroy me with nothing left.


    While crying, I walked aimlessly still by wearing my thin pajamas, so that under the dark horizon, the cold autumn air entered my skin like needles poking through pores. However, I felt like, as if I didn''t feel anything. Only pains all over my body that was moving through my soul. It was very suffocating.


    Until I arrived at a deserted park. I walked slowly towards the bench to rest from mental fatigue. Around the bench where there were many blooming gardenias and white azaleas that were making this area look beautiful even at night. And, there were only park lights with a faint glow in this place.


    The scent of gardenias and azaleas mixed, making the atmosphere of this place feel refreshing but it didn''t fade the sadness that was deeper inside me.


    In silence, there was no one in this place. There was only me and the sound of the wind, which seemed to repeat Donghwa''s abusive words. It was hurt more and more, again and again, until the cold air made me shiver a little. It made me wake up from the pain that had just hurt my heart, then started thinking straight.


    After calming down enough, I was stunned into solitude. Even though my tears slowly stopped rolling down my face and this sadness began to fade, I could still feel the pain in my bones. It was like carving out permanent wounds that seemed to be a bitter memory that I must cherish throughout the ages.


    "Chunghee!"


    Hearing someone calling me from a distance, I immediately lifted my face and aimed at the voice that seemed to cut through the darkness.


    In the distance, Donghwa ran towards me and got closer. When he was in front of me, he caught his breathless breath and then spoke with a clear tone of concern, "Chunghee, I''ve been looking for you everywhere ...."


    He knelt before me and took my hands, kissing them affectionately. He then looked up, gazing at me deeply. He spoke sincerely, "Chunghee, I thought, I would lose you. I thought I would never find you. Don''t do this again. Don''t scare me like this. I can''t. I swear, I''ll break your legs if you do this again to me."


    There was a long pause before he continued, "I''m sorry, okay? Now, let''s go back. It''s so cold in here." He stood up and took off his sweater, then put it on my body. He held out his hand while saying, "Chunghee, let''s go home."


    Hearing his gentle voice, I looked at his hands then lifted my gaze, staring at his face for a moment to see the sincerity of him. He looked sincere, but it still couldn''t cure my feelings that were just hurt by his words. So, by being stubborn, I just looked away without saying anything.


    "Chunghee, come on. How long are you going to be here? I''ve apologized, now let''s go back. Don''t ask me to argue with you anymore."


    Hearing those words, I frowned subconsciously. There was a feeling of anger and disrespect while hearing a sentence that seemed to say that I was the only one who always caused troubles in this relationship and also, all the arguments that had just happened between us.


    I immediately turned towards him, then stood up and spoke softly but still sounded firmly, "I never wanted to argue with you from the start. But, it was you who couldn''t control yourself."


    Donghwa frowned tightly and started to sneer. He seemed to be offended by what I said just now. He also tried to justify himself by saying, "If you weren''t the one who made trouble with me by keeping someone else''s handkerchief, I would never do that to you. Stop blaming each other. We''re not young anymore, but you still act like a sulking kid. You really sicken me off with your behavior like that. It wasn''t suitable for a grown man like you."


    I was startled in silence. Those words sounded cruel. The sentence might be a joke for him, but not for me. It was like sarcasm that killed me at once, with all the feelings that I painstakingly nurtured inside of me.


    It seemed to tear my throat. The words also confirmed that his new lover was a perfect young man, who was spoiled and obedient, also made him feel at home when he was by that man''s side, thus forgetting someone who had gone through a lot of ups and downs with him.


    Without being able to hold back, those words brought tears to my eyes, and then I spoke with a suppressed pain, "Donghwa, why do you always do this to me? How can you tell me all of that?"


    Seeing the expression on my face, suddenly a pity flashed through his eyes which slowly softened. And unexpectedly, he grabbed my face and kissed me. Our lips met as if digging deeper into these painful feelings, which had no basis for stopping.


    I knew what it meant clearly, where Donghwa kissed me not out of lust, but as he felt guilty in his heart but he was reluctant to apologize as an owner of high self-esteem. It made me feel no genuine affection, but only a sense of disgust which gave an instinctive response, so I pushed his body away.


    He didn''t say anything, but he immediately grabbed my hand and pulled me roughly toward his car which was parked not far from here.


    Pushing my body in, he lowered the seat and was immediately on top of me. He started kissing me as if he was doing it, only to vent his suppressed irritation. But, I didn''t put up a fight, besides kept trying to avoid the passionate kisses of him that came insistently.


    "Donghwa, stop! What the hell are you doing?!" As I kept struggling, I continued, "Stop it, people will see us."


    He listened to my words. He then stopped and stared at me expressionlessly, and spoke, "So I can do it when we''re home ... alright."


    Finishing his sentence, he immediately positioned himself in the driver''s seat and drove the car. The park and our apartment weren''t far away, so it didn''t take long to arrive.


    He pulled me back upstairs to the apartment and immediately entered the room.


    When we were inside, he kissed me more and more. He was about to take off my clothes, yet I also tried to stop him. I didn''t let him do it until all this sadness made me speak in a slightly trembling voice, "Donghwa, I beg you to stop. I''m still sick. I haven''t been able to do it for a while. Please .... "


    Although I had begged for mercy by saying that, he had absolutely no sense of concern, and continued to indulge his selfishness as if it was an absolute thing where no one could give a refusal.


    But, when he lifted my face, he shouted all of sudden, "Chunghee! You got a nosebleed!"


    I kept crying, staring at the face of someone who I still love more than myself with misty eyes, and struggling with the torture I received. I didn''t even feel the blood coming out of my nose.


    He helped me to stand up while saying, "Raise your head. Let''s go to the bathroom to wash your face."


    I didn''t move for a few seconds, but just said, "Do you believe me now?"


    "I believe you. Now, let''s go to the bathroom to wash your face."


    It was both pity and sad. By saying my words, those wouldn''t make him believed without urging him.


    While in bed, he stroked my hair gently and lovingly. "Chunghee, tomorrow, let''s go to the hospital."


    He pulled the blanket over my body, then returned to stroke my hair gently. "You''re pushing yourself too hard to work. Look at you, so weak and thin. I''ve been telling you to stop working for a long time ago. Let me work hard for you, and you stay home."


    "You also have to take care of yourself. How many times have I told you? You''re not a kid anymore. I''ll be furious if you ignore what I said this time."


    Those words were meaningless to me. It was like ridiculous nonsense.


    Remembering how he treated me like that earlier, made me think that not only my condition was getting worse, but his demeanor towards me was getting worse as well. It almost made me give up on him.


    I could only keep asking in my heart ....


    ''Will you look at my weakness by seeing me like this? Should I show you how weak I am now and will die soon?''


    ''If there is no love for me anymore, at least don''t treat me like this. Being angry and yelling at me, as if there is no grace in your eyes. Do you remember the time when we were slumped together?''


    ''I''ve never stopped you to play out there. It''s better for you to find someone who can replace me if I''m no longer with you. But, I beg you, don''t make things clearer this time and don''t be a different person to me. It really hurts my feelings.''

 Chapter 33 - We Made Up

    After walking in the cold autumn air, I had never slept well tonight. I had a fever until the next another morning.


    I could only lie weakly in bed. After having a little porridge, Donghwa called the doctor to come to check on my condition, and the doctor said that it was just a common fever.


    It made Donghwa feel irritated with me for being so stubborn that night. Even though he spoke still in gentle words, as a grumpy man like him, his face couldn''t hide what he felt.


    However, even though he felt that way, the worry was also quite clear in his eyes.


    During these two days, he spent a lot of time with me. He didn''t sleep much and woke up in the middle of the night, just because to take care of me. He also didn''t fall asleep until he was sure that I was asleep first.


    "Donghwa, you haven''t worked for almost a week. Is it okay? People in the company will certainly need you. You shouldn''t have to be absent for a week," while saying, I glanced at him, watching him who was busy while typing a message on his cell phone.


    Paused for a few seconds, he turned around and smiled, but his smile was a mysterious smile that seemed like he was hiding something.


    He then spoke calmly, "It''s okay. For me, you''re more important than anything. Besides that, my assistant has taken care of everything and cleared some of my appointments this week. Don''t worry, okay?"


    Donghwa was a sweet-talker. It was like being carved into his bones and it could make you went crazy. Or, you stayed sane but you would have permanent wounds in your heart. That was how I felt right now, and it almost killed me.


    However, by loving him for so many years, he had made me become an idiot for a long time ago, so even though I was hurt, I would keep saying ''fine''.


    "You always give Hoonsik hard jobs. He''ll be overwhelmed by them all. You shouldn''t have to do it by giving him such a job."


    It was a hard job for being an assistant. I knew it pretty well. Canceling meetings were risky. That would affect the cooperation between investors and have an impact on the company''s development. I didn''t want him to sacrifice everything just for something like this.


    Even though I still felt pain in my heart, I couldn''t help being selfish and comparing the problems in our relationship with his duties in the company.


    Donghwa remained silent as if he was thinking that what I said was wrong. There was a refusal on his face, but it was disguised by a smile gradually. "Hoonsik ... he, he can do it ... don''t worry."


    Either as I was too suspicious or whether it was the truth, my thought was currently focused on a young man who was with him at that time. I knew that they were more than just colleagues or boss and subordinate. I felt that the man he meant wasn''t Hoonsik, but the person he was with at the time. He was just trying to trick me once again.


    I had known it for a long time, but every time, every day turned today, the thoughts had convinced me more and more about this ''betrayal''.


    However, even though I wanted to know the truth and clarity so bad, I could only remain silent, swallowing everything down my dry throat. By talking about it would only provoke his anger and all the things that I accused, turning against me, even if it was just an outlet for his anger. I was helpless in this situation. We were like two countries that couldn''t be united once again.


    In this silence, my cell phone rang on the bedside table. I immediately grabbed it to see the caller ID and saw that it was a call from Daehyun.


    I took a silent breath. When I was about to press the green button on the screen, Donghwa suddenly grabbed my cell phone roughly and answered the call.


    "Hello, sorry, sir, but Park Chunghee is sick now. He can''t be at work today."


    As soon as he said his words, he hung up and switched off my cell phone, as if he didn''t want to hear another incoming call. His face turned red, he looked annoyed but was restrained.


    "You don''t have to pick up another call today." As he said, he smiled and held my hand in one warm fist. "If you''re worried about your work, I can talk to your boss. He must know me. Isn''t he Mr. Kim''s subordinate? I can persuade him to give you days off for the next few days."


    I looked at him in a startle. "Do you know him?"


    He smiled sincerely and spoke with praise, "Of course, I do. Who doesn''t know him in this country? He''s a respected man, a great businessman in infrastructure and land. He''s a great and honored person. I also honored him under his feet. Because of him, I can be like this by running his company. My bones even will bear the debt and responsibility of him."


    Hearing those words, I was shocked for a moment then looked away. Now, I knew who the man he was talking about. It wasn''t Kim Daehyun, so it made me calmer.


    "Chunghee, what''s wrong? Is there something wrong if I know him?"


    Looking at his face, I shook my head weakly. "No. It''s just¡ª"


    Before finishing my words, the sound of the doorbell that was pressed, rang several times. Donghwa immediately stood up and came out to open the door.


    A few seconds after he came out, I was stunned. I gripped the blanket tightly and thought of the foolishness that had barely gotten me into new trouble.


    We just made up. Saying that Kim Daehyun was the president of the company I was currently working for, it felt like I was trying to jump off a high cliff, and I just needed to be quiet to endure.


    Despiting that thought, I grabbed my cell phone, switch it on, and called Daehyun directly.


    "Hello, Daehyun, sorry about earlier ..."


    "Chunghee! Are you really sick?" Daehyun heard almost screaming, and there was worry in his voice.


    "I am. I have a fever, so I haven''t been able to come to work for a few days. I promise I''ll finish all my works on time as soon as I get better."


    Daehyun grinned. "Stop thinking about works when your conditions are bad," paused for a moment, he continued, "Um, but, who was the one who picked up my call? Your friend? His voice sounded familiar."


    I froze at once until Daehyun asked me one more time and made me talk, "Hm, he''s my friend."


    There was a long pause before he replied, "Oh, I see."


    After talking for a few minutes, as I was afraid that Donghwa would know our conversation, I immediately hung up. Daehyun heard disappointed, but it was better than getting into trouble.


    Shortly after, Donghwa also entered the room with several files and a plastic bag in his hands. He smiled, and spoke, "I just told Hoonsik to buy roasted peanuts. Here they are." He put the files on the table and sat down beside me. "Don''t you like to eat roasted peanuts in autumn?"


    Smiling, I spoke in a weak voice, "Stupid. I can''t chew peanuts right now."


    Donghwa squeaked. By the look of him, he pretended to be annoyed while saying, "I don''t mind if you''re not going to eat them, but what about Hoonsik? You have to appreciate him. He came here just for these."


    Sighing softly, I got up carefully. I grabbed one roasted peanut then ate it, chewing it slowly. And when I ate them, Donghwa''s face brightened immediately.


    I smiled weakly while chewing it hard. For a someone who was sick, these peanuts were too hard and had a bad taste.


    I wasn''t complaining when I saw his enthusiasm and showed a smiley face, where it was enough to make me felt better.

 Chapter 34 - Like A House Arrest

    After eating some roasted peanuts, I immediately finished and put them away. My jaw hurt a little as the peanuts were quite dense, which made it hard for me to chew them. Besides that, I didn''t have an appetite and want to sleep all day as my fever had not gone down yet. I also asked Donghwa to keep the roasted peanuts in the kitchen before pulling back the blanket.


    These days, he looked very obedient, like a kitten who had just been yelled at, or he didn''t even want to be blamed for what he did that night.


    On the bed, the blanket almost covered my whole body, even though I knew that my fever couldn''t make me felt better. The dizziness in my head that was a little sore also made my days seem like the worst day. I thought that I was going to die now and I was prepared for it.


    Not long after, I felt the bed was a little cramped and at the same time, I felt Lee Donghwa''s hands already embracing my body. Without removing his hands, I said in a low voice that sounded weak, "Donghwa, it''s hot. Don''t hug me. You could catch it later."


    There was a long pause before he answered in a voice that was full of affection, "I don''t care if I have to catch your fever ¡ª as long as it is yours ¡ª then it doesn''t matter at all."


    Hearing his words that sounded stupid in my ears, I slowly opened my eyes, then asked, "Then, if you are sick too, who will take care of us?"


    "The doctor," he replied briefly.


    "The Doctor? What if you''re dying and I''m dying too, who will call the hospital?"


    With a pause, I could hear him chuckling behind me before replying with words that were even dumber than before. "I''m dying for myself, but not for you. So if I''m dying and you''re dying too, I definitely can''t fight for myself to call the hospital, but I absolutely can fight for you until my last breath."


    I was stunned when I heard those words. I felt like I wanted to laugh at him off and said that how to pity he was with those words.


    Lee Donghwa was indeed that kind of person. When he felt guilty for something, he would say many things that didn''t make sense. Since I knew him in college until now, he was very expert at looking for loopholes to find the weakest points of my feelings.


    But gradually, in the past three years, I also realized that how stupid I was at that time as I kept allowing him to manipulate my feelings, so now he used it as a weapon to defeat me.


    I wasn''t a stubborn man in the past before I knew him. I was a man who upheld the values ??of decency. However, ever since he asked me to cross the forbidden line in my life, I seemed to forget about my old self, who wasn''t stubborn in both manners.


    However, in time Donghwa had also lost his old self, as well as me to him. If in the past he liked me who always spoiled him, then I no longer wanted to do it anymore. After all, he already had a lot of toys out there, so why should I endure just one-sided pleasing? God would only laugh at me.


    After my fever went down on the next two days, I felt more refreshed than the previous days. During the day, I no longer spent time in bed all day and slept well at night.


    I planned to go for work this morning, but Donghwa forbade me to go ¡ª he even asked Hoonsik to watch over me while he was going to work. So, there was nothing I could do but musing inside of the lonely room, which was enveloped in an infinite void.


    While Kim Daehyun, called me several times today, asking me to let him come to visit me. However, since I was a house arrest in my own house, who was always being watched while his master was out, I could only keep refusing it subtly.


    Fortunately, Daehyun was a very understanding man. Any excuses would always make sense to him, even though I knew that he was forcing himself to accept them.


    Then, a different context for Doctor Jeong himself. He always contacted me, asking me to discuss when we would start to do surgery, but I also refused it because of my selfishness. I didn''t want to smell disinfectant in the hospital, which seemed to give the impression that the death was right in front of my eyes.


    On the sofa, I smiled stupidly while thinking of myself. It did seem like I would spend the rest of my life with a lot of lies.


    In the evening, around 7.00 p.m, Donghwa came home with a cheerful face. He embraced me warmly who was currently on the bed before he took off his clothes and went to the bathroom to take a shower.


    I stared at his back until the bathroom''s door closed while thinking, that Donghwa came home tonight with no scent of someone else. It wasn''t only for tonight, but also yesterday. It seemed that he had gotten a little self-conscious of his disgusting behavior all this time.


    Until he came out of the bathroom, I was already laying on the bed. I closed my eyes but wasn''t asleep yet.


    Not long after, I felt him already in bed, then slowly embraced me. His cold body felt so soothing, and his warm breath was so warm. He did have those two things in the past but they disappeared a few years ago, and today he brought them back. I didn''t know where he found them ¡ª maybe in another place where he left them.


    Lee Donghwa kissed the nape of my neck, and his hand slowly entered my thin pajamas. I knew that he wanted to do it tonight.


    I wanted to refuse by words, but I had run out of excuses, so I had no choice but to let him do it. I considered this thing as a payment for what he did during these few days for me.

 Chapter 35 - Dont Argue With Him!

    The next morning, Donghwa woke up earlier than me but didn''t get out of the bed yet. As soon as I opened my eyes, he smiled as he asked in a deep voice, "Babe, are you okay? Did I hurt you last night?"


    I shook my head slowly. "No. But, next time you have to do it gently."


    Hearing my words, Donghwa chuckled then kissed my eye. "I have to go to work today."


    Hearing this, I said, "Isn''t it Sunday? What about the Fireworks Festival tonight? You promised me."


    Sighing, he replied, "Yes, I did. But, this business is urgent. I''ll try to finish it asap, so I can go home early."


    Disappointed, I took a deep breath, then moved my head off of his arm. I looked at his back as he got out of the bed until he walked into the bathroom.


    After a few moments of musing in disappointment, I immediately got up and put on the pajamas that I wore last night, then went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast before Donghwa left.


    Today, I just made some toasts with chocolate peanut butter. When I saw him rush out of the bedroom, I doubted that he would make time to have breakfast with me this morning, so I didn''t want to cook for him.


    He seemed to be ready to go for work by wearing his dark-brown patchwork coat. His hair was neatly combed back, showing the whole his handsome face that always made me amazed when I saw it.


    Even though it had been ten years, his face had barely changed even though he looked more mature from the first time we met. There were only fine wrinkles in the middle of his forehead and under his eyes, which showed when he smiled.


    I asked him to have breakfast together first but, it was like what I thought beforehand. He couldn''t make the time, which made me show him a disappointed face without realizing it.


    Seeing that expression of me made him change his mind shortly. "Huh, alright. Let''s have breakfast."


    After saying that, his words instantly made me excited with sparkling eyes. I immediately sat on the chair at the dining table.


    When we had breakfast, the incoming call on his cell phone was annoying. There had been about twenty incoming calls in the last few minutes, and those are bothering me so much.


    "If you''re really busy, then you''d better get going right away. Looks like they need you right now."


    He smiled. "I want to finish this breakfast first."


    I smirked when I heard those words. I could only wish that if I could hear a statement like that every morning, then I no longer needed to beg him again.


    After having breakfast, I walked him to the door. He kissed my lips first before heading to work. His soft lips and the way he kissed me, made me addicted. It was intoxicating like wine. And as he waved away, it was too painful to wait for him to come home.


    However, as soon as Donghwa left, my cell phone rang all of a sudden.


    Seeing the ID who was on a call, I frowned. "Hello?"


    "Ah, Chunghee, can you send me the design graphics that you finished a week ago? I need them now."


    "Didn''t I send them on Thursday?"


    "I forgot to save them."


    It was Go Hyunjae. She sounded lethargic while saying, "Hey, Chunghee, today is the worst day ever for me. I thought that this Sunday, I can enjoy my break time and can come to the fireworks festival tonight, but Mr. Kim is so heartless. He just called me and scolded me for forgetting to send him those designs. He also told me to help the finance secretary to control the company funding that will be used tomorrow."


    Hearing her complaint, made me laugh at her. "He''s just that kind of person, but don''t ever argue with him. I''ve already defended my incompetent works, and he has many reasons to prove my incompetence." I said, then continued, "Alright, wait a second."


    I went to Donghwa''s workroom to turn on the computer, then searched for the files and emailed them after I found them to her.


    "Thank you, Chunghee! You saved half of my life from Mr. Kim''s tantrum!"


    "No problem."


    After Go Hyunjae hung up, I immediately continued my works which had been delayed earlier, tidying up the dining table and cleaning things up.


    I went into the bedroom, then opened my wardrobe. I grabbed a black ring box which was next to the pile of clothes, then opened it. I saw a silver ring in it which was engraved with the words ''heart-bounded - Lee Donghwa'', then put it on my finger with a meaningless smile on my face before heading to the hospital to see Doctor Jeong there.


    Donghwa had not even put on his ring yet. I watched his finger on the previous days and waited for him to explain any reasons, but apparently, he had forgotten about that rusty ring.


    Does he really care about our relationship?


    While I was in the hospital, I waited in Doctor Jeong''s room, where he was doing a checkup on his patients on the fifth floor. So, to pass the time, I pressed the call button to contact Daehyun, intending to apologize for my incompetence at work in the company.


    However, it had been nearly twelve seconds, but he had not answered my call yet. I thought that he was busy this Sunday morning, so I wanted to cancel the call. But, before doing so, the phone was picked up shortly and a voice was heard on the other line.


    "Chunghee, what''s up? Why did you call me so early?"


    I smiled. "Um, am I bothering you?"


    "No, you''re not. I was just a little surprised when you called me so early in this morning."


    "Um, I just¡ª"


    Before I said what I wanted to say, Daehyun cut my sentence off first, as if he already knew what was in my head. "You want to apologize? Again? Oh, come on, I understand your condition right now. There''s nothing I need to blame. Get it?"


    "That''s what you think. But, somehow I always feel that I''m exactly incompetent at work and causing many troubles for others," paused for a second, I asked, "Ms. Go just complained to me, did you ask her again to do a lot of works?"


    Hearing those words, he suddenly burst out laughing. "She complained to you? But, I just ordered her to finish what she was responsible for. She''s my subordinate, then what''s she complaining about from my orders? I think everyone should be working properly. I do my job, and I have a hundred of managers who manage certain divisions, then¡ª"


    "Okay, okay, enough. I understand."


    He chuckled. "Okay, good."

 Chapter 36 - Bouquet Of Roses, Juliet Rose

    After talking about useless things with Daehyun on the phone, Dr. Jeong opened the door so I immediately hung up.


    Dr. Jeong looked exhausted. As soon as he walked into the room, he smiled at me but the smile was obviously forced by him. He sat in his chair for a while before asking, "Sir, what about your decision?"


    I didn''t give an answer immediately, but walked towards him and then sat in front of him before answering, "Um, I''m thinking of doing surgery. But, not anytime soon."


    Hearing that answer, the young doctor''s expression seemed that he had received a miracle. Brightness covered the tiredness on his face and asked to make sure, "I didn''t hear you wrong, sir, did I? It''s the answer that I''ve been waiting for for so long. Then, when do you want to start it? Don''t tell me if I have to wait another three months."


    I didn''t give any responses and just smiled while lowering my gaze. I thought that he exactly knew how I was.


    However, because of my behavior that didn''t live up to his expectations, the cheerful face he just showed, gradually became gloomy with disappointment.


    He sighed heavily, then muttered, "As I thought ...," paused for a moment, he continued, "But, at least you have decided on one choice. It''s better than nothing. Now, please lay down on the patient''s bed, sir. I''ll take a sample of your blood first."


    I laid there directly according to his direction.


    Jeong Hoon was a professional doctor. Even though he looked younger than me, his skills got more awards than me, who didn''t even have any special skills other than kept lying to anyone about my own feelings.


    While doing the internal checkup, my own thoughts weren''t with my body. I thought that it wouldn''t be bad to survive once again, proving the truth by my own eyes whether Donghwa had repented or his concern was just a trick, so deciding this decision wasn''t a bad thing.


    Apart from that, I was also thinking about telling Donghwa about my true condition right now. I hoped when I told him about it honestly, he would truly feel guilty and wouldn''t repeat the same mistakes all over again.


    It was the last chance for him.


    After checking on the growth of tumor cells in my brain, I didn''t want to linger in this place. However, before leaving the hospital, I suddenly felt a headache and got even more painful with the hard throbbing.


    "Mr. Park! Watch out! Be careful!" Dr. Jeong helped me walking to the patient''s bed in his room, then immediately laid my body down. I could feel that he was rubbing my face with something soft even though I couldn''t see his face obviously before I passed out, and then woke up in the afternoon.


    "Ah, Mr. Park, you''re aware. Here, have a drink." Dr. Jeong handed me a glass of water and I grabbed it carefully. "Thank you. Sorry for bothering you, doc."


    The headache earlier made me have to trouble Dr. Jeong once again by treating me in his room for a while.


    I moved my legs slowly, then began to stand up, packing my things which were lying on Dr. Jeong''s desk. "I have to go shortly. And, thanks for helping me, doc. I''ve been troubling you today. I owe you."


    Before I opened the door, he grabbed my arm and spoke, "Mr. Park, you do owe me and I want to collect your debt today. I''ll give you three days to think about the time of doing surgery."


    I was stunned by his words that sounded ridiculous, "Isn''t that so sudden, doc?"


    "Do the surgery as soon as possible, then do chemotherapy for further recovery. I don''t want to spoil you anymore. Come tomorrow afternoon, around 1 o''clock to discuss this," he explained.


    I clenched my fists, then let go of my arm forcefully, and I said with a smile, "Chemotherapy? Hmm, I''ll do it when I''m ready, doc. I''ll do it even if you don''t force me, but not now. And for the surgery, I''m not really sure when I want to do it. I just decided it."


    I immediately stepped in hastily without hearing Dr. Jeong''s response regarding the stubborn words I said arrogantly before. However, I did this on purpose to avoid the advice that would make me realized how stubborn I had been.


    At 8:00 p.m., I was still waiting for Donghwa in the living room, who said that he wanted to go with me to the fireworks festival tonight. Although, I exactly knew that it was quite late to go. Moreover, the distance between Seoul and Pohang wasn''t nearly, yet I wanted to see him arrive in a hurry because of a promise that he wanted to keep.


    A few minutes later, the sound of the door startled me, who was almost asleep. I then stood up to open the door immediately.


    At the door, Donghwa''s look wasn''t as neat as before. His clothes were messy and his hair was a little messy. He looked messed up with his golden look. He then smiled at me, and with a sizable rose bouquet in his hand, it made me even more impatient to receive it.


    He inhaled the scent of the Rose he was holding while saying, "Juliet Rose. The color of the peach makes them so stunning. I heard that this Rose is the most expensive in the world. Do you like it?"


    I nodded excitedly. "Yes! I do like it!"


    "Really? That''s good. There is also a small note here, which is written for ... Park Chunghee. And, It''s from Kim ... Kim Daehyun. I accidentally saw a courier looking for our apartment number. So, because I saw this Rose that was sent for you, I was kind enough to bring it directly to you." He had a smile on his face but didn''t reach his eyes. "But, who is that Kim Daehyun? Why can he send these expensive flowers to you? Is he your beloved Mr. President? Isn''t he the son of Mr. Kim Myungdae? Is he your type? I''ve met him previously and shit, he''s adorable indeed."


    Those words took me by startled. My eyes widened as if they wanted to jump out of their petals. I spoke in a trembling voice, "No ... Donghwa, it ... it''s not what you think ...."


    His smile suddenly turned even more terrifying. He then threw the flower bouquet right on my face hard, so that it made a thin scratch of Rose''s sharp thorns.


    I bowed, still in shock while staring at the Roses which fell beneath my feet. The petals were scattered everywhere due to the violent impact, scattering just like how I felt right now.


    Donghwa lifted my face, pressed it firmly as if cracking my cheekbones. Seeing those cold eyes that seemed to rip apart my thoughts, immediately made my whole body tremble with fear, "I know him! We ain''t familiar, but his father, Mr. Kim Myungdae is the owner of the company I work for at this time. I''ve never thought that you''re playing with his son behind me."


    I didn''t know what to do this time. With anger that seemed to be at the ends of his hair, all the explanations would just be useless.

 Chapter 37 - The Humming Slap!

    With all my strength, I tried to remove his hand which was getting stronger to press against my cheeks. I still tried to explain, with the hope that he would listen to me this time, but it was worthless.


    The smile on his face looked so creepy. He then dropped his hand on my face but quickly choked my neck as I was about to run away from him.


    By enduring the pain from the pressure on my neck, I spoke haltingly, "Donghwa, I ... I beg you... let go ...."


    "Since when did you start getting close to him?!" His voice didn''t sound soft at all, it even sounded sharp and cold as soon as the question came into my ears.


    I looked into his eyes which were filled with hatred. I didn''t expect that he would treat me this far so heartlessly, just because of a problem that should have been solved by an explanation.


    He then pushed me until I fell on the sofa, and immediately touched my neck which still hurt after he choked it firmly. I was in pain ¡ª but the pain couldn''t be compared to the feelings that I was already shattering.


    "What''s exactly the relationship between you two?" he asked again.


    I couldn''t come up with an answer. My lips seemed to be tied by startled as I stared at a man that I had known for nearly ten years, who had become someone that I had never met previously.


    However, because he was already furious with my attitude of remaining silent without giving him an answer, he repeated the same question but with a loud voice, which was even more deafening than before.


    I immediately stood up. By holding back my tears, I said, "I''ve known him for five months when he replaced Mr. Kim Myungdae. He is my boss and I am his assistant. So, it''s normal for us if we''re close enough. You must be like that with your assistant too, right?"


    But apparently, those words had made him become a beast even more ferocious than before. He then shouted like a fierce dog whose barked, "What the fuck did you just say?! How can you be his assistant without my permission?! I won''t allow you to be his assistant! I know that you do it on purpose so that you can stay on that bastard''s side all along! Quit from that company right now!"


    However, his anger truly made me want to burst out laughing. How could a bastard accuse someone else of being a bastard too? He exactly didn''t know himself.


    I made fun of him on purpose and wanted to see how he would react, whether he would dump me tonight or even kill me.


    "Bastard? You''re the only bastard here. You don''t deserve to say that word. How can a bastard mock someone as a bastard? Heh, that''s funny. You''re such a shame growing man because you don''t know how you really are. Donghwa, wake up," With a pause, I continued, "You have no right to forbid me because I''ve been doing the same thing for you. Why should I listen to you anyway? Since over the years ago till now, I''ve always listened to you and in fact, there''s nothing in it for me."


    I grinned coldly right at him, glancing sharply at him as if to show a victory. "Actually, I wanted to tell you from the start, but looks like you''re busy with your activities out there these months ... or maybe with your kittens ... ah, I don''t know what should I call them¡ª"


    I still had a lot to say. But, before I could finish my words, the most unexpected thing just happened.


    How shocked I was when I saw him raise his palm as if ready to hit my face. Seeing that unexpected deed, I said softly, "You ... do you really want to hit me? Then, why did you stop?"


    I looked at him in disbelief. My eyes started to fog gradually, then with a slightly trembling voice, I spoke as if I was talking to myself, "It''s useless if you have to stop halfway. By raising your hand like that, things won''t be the same as before. So, slap my face as hard as you can to solve all of this."


    For a moment he gasped, he looked shocked, either by seeing my expression or by his own deeds. He then lowered his hand slowly and clenched both hands so tightly that showed a bulge of veins in his hands that seemed to explode at any moment.


    However, as Donghwa was a person who didn''t want to look wrong when we argued, he brought up an issue that shouldn''t be a problem. "You started all of this ... since when did you become this wild?"


    I didn''t think that he wanted to ask such a question. All of the words were like cornering me that was about detest me. I tried to cover up this feeling, but it was in vain. "I let you play out there. You can have fun with anyone else. Then, why can''t I do the same? For ten years, I hardly had any friends because of you, until the people in the company used to think that I was someone who didn''t want to be friends with anyone," with a pause, I smirked, then continued, "But, for the rest of this time, I''m thinking of being like you. Why am I not playing out there too?"


    The look on his face lost its brightness, then darkened. "How dare you to say such things! I work hard for you out there and you even think like that?!"


    "Lee Donghwa! Do you think that I don''t know about your fun behind my back?!"


    As soon as I finished my words, the sharp loud sound of palm which was landing on my face was heard obviously in the silence, and a humming slap just cut my feelings. It felt the equivalent of something was being torn apart inside my chest. I didn''t mind with the stinging on my face, but knowing that he did that on purpose because of the anger, he hurt me with even more pain.


    How can I not become a silly man if I continue to be in torment mentally and physically like this?


    He looked at me in shock. The worry instantly crossed his browny eyes, but he didn''t want to admit it. "Chunghee, I mean it. You should stay away from that guy. I don''t forbid you to be friends with other people, but not him. He''s not a good guy."

 Chapter 38 - Terrible Torture!

    Those words sounded resenting. I smiled bitterly as I said in a hoarse voice, "If he''s not good, you''re not that different from him either and you may be even worse. Do you think you are good for me? You used to be but not now. So, it''s better for us from now on, to not talk to each other."


    Hearing my words that might offend him at the same time, the words immediately caused a reaction from him. His face grew even more shocked and some sparks looked like they were about to explode, but they suppressed suddenly. Then, without being able to avoid it, he immediately squeezed my arms firmly while speaking fearfully, "What?! No! Chunghee, don''t ... I don''t want to. I didn''t do that on purpose."


    However, I didn''t hear those words as his apology, but just as nonsense so that he didn''t want to be blamed. I thought that Donghwa wanted to make a fool of me, so I replied without caring about what he just said, "Okay. Let''s break up."


    His eyes suddenly widened open with emotions that were ready to explode. He didn''t move for a few seconds before he grabbed my wrist, then pulled me roughly into the bedroom. His hand that was gripped my wrist tightly seemed to numb me, yet it was painful in my heart.


    He threw me on the bed and immediately pressed my body under his, and then looked at me with a glare that was ready to devour me while saying with obvious anger in his words, "I will teach you a lesson that will deter you so that you''re afraid to be touched by others!" He took off his coat, loosened his tie, then immediately came back on top of me, holding my hands and pressing them over my head.


    I was helpless.


    "I''m sure that you two have slept together. How does he do it? Are you more satisfied when sleeping with him, so that you rarely want to be touched by me? Or does he just come when I''m not here? Or maybe this Chunghee who has become a slut. Heh, all right, never mind. How dirty you are now, I can clean your body tonight!"


    I frowned tightly. Those words were truly outrageous. I reflexively spat on his face, then shouted, "What the fuck are you talking about, you bastard?! Do you think that I''ve slept with him?! Get rid of your fucking crazy thoughts! You¡ª"


    Before finishing my sentence, he closed my mouth immediately, pressing it down hard with his hard palm. He didn''t allow me to continue what I wanted to tell him, or didn''t even want to hear any explanation of me.


    Crudely, without mercy and compassion, he ate me tonight like a hungry beast. This was rape! This was something that wasn''t pleasant at all. I didn''t like it and want to die instead of having to be tortured!


    His touches and kisses, all of them were just the things to vent the anger inside of him.


    He wasn''t Donghwa that I knew years ago. He seemed to have become a different man in the last seven months ¡ª no! I had felt this change since he started taking over as president of the company!


    I knew that he was rude when he made love with me. But today, he seemed like he was going to kill me with this terrible torture.


    After the torture that barely left me dead, everything fell silent. There was only a small movement that felt on the bed, then returned to be quiet where the quietness felt dreadful. I stared out of the window, staring at the endless darkness outside with blank eyes while speaking in a hoarse voice that sounded horrible, "Donghwa, are you there?"


    I lifted my wrist, staring at it that showed the red marks of his tight tied as he did something that I didn''t want to do at the moment.


    "Donghwa, what''s wrong with you? Why did you change? You know, I missed Donghwa in past, where he always listened to me; never made me cry, and never yelled at me. I want the old Donghwa."


    But, he didn''t even say anything when I said that important thing. I knew that he was behind my body right now, and sitting sweetly while lamenting something. He might be sorry, or he might feel satisfied while thinking that the victory was on his side.


    Until a few moments later, he started talking, "You have to resign from that company. You don''t have to work. You can ask me anything if there''s something you need. I''ll send you money as often as I can."


    I smirked. "You think, I''m with you because of your money? I really don''t need your money. I have my own money. All I want is Donghwa when we were in college."


    He was heard taking a deep breath before replying with a deep voice, "Stop working at that place."


    Hearing his words, I painstakingly turned my head back, then looked at his back. He started to stand up, straightened his clothes, and put his tie back on.


    He then grabbed the coat that he was wearing earlier, then came out by slamming the door until it made a loud sound that broke the silence in this room.


    After Donghwa''s footsteps were no longer heard, silence slowly filled the room. I looked back out of the window before grabbing my cell phone which was laying on the bedside table and starting to call Daehyun.


    Shortly thereafter, he answered the phone. "Ah, Chunghee, you called at a bad time. What''s going on?"


    His hoarse voice confirmed that I was interrupting his rest time, but I didn''t care. He also often disturbed my precious time in the night. We could say that it was breaking even.


    I smiled slightly at the tone of his voice that sounded sulking like a sullen kid. "Hmm, sorry. I just want to thank you for the flower bouquet that you gave to me. I really like it. But, why did you just send flowers so sudden?"


    "A flower bouquet?" paused for a moment, he suddenly exclaimed, "Ah! Do you like it? Thank God. I brought it from afar ¡ª um, about the flower, Go Hyunjae told me when you were in the hospital. She said that you wanted to come to the Rose Festival in Pohang last week, so I gave you the famous Juliet Rose because I thought that the flowers were a special Rose. You know, I even forgot that I ordered those flowers for you because of my busy schedule these days."


    "I really appreciate it. But, next time you don''t have to bother yourself with things like that. I''ve been bothering you too often."


    He chuckled. "You never bothered me at all. It was me who always bothered you. But, if you like roses, I can give you every¡ª"


    Before he finished his words, I immediately cut them off, "Ah, no, there''s no need. You don''t have to. And, you better rest now."


    "Ah, alright. As you wish, " with a pause, he continued, "I''d like to talk to you a little longer, but my eyes are completely irreconcilable. Then, you should get some rest too. Take care of yourself. Good night."


    The first month of fall this year seemed like a bad start to our relationship. I had also endured a long enough for a relationship that I wanted to rebuild, and I never thought that it would last through thirty-six seasons. However, staying up to this point made me feel bored. I wanted to run away from a relationship that wasn''t as harmonious as before.


    Is God starting to rebuke this relationship? But, why now? When I''ve flowed with my feelings?


    I''m hard enough to get back on the sidelines!

 Chapter 39 - We Didnt Talk To Each Other

    A few days later, the torture I received that night was still felt obviously in some parts of my body, even though it still showed some bluish bruises with the pain that was felt when I moved. Fortunately, my long sleeves shirt, and coat could cover the entire bruises, so people couldn''t see them at my workplace.


    The night of torture, after Donghwa left me in a state of physical disintegration, it truly caused excruciating pain. And after talking to Daehyun on the phone that night, physical and mental fatigue made me pass out and wake up during the day. But sadly, Donghwa didn''t return at that time, so all night until noon, I was in an unconscious condition and could only lay on the bed. Perhaps, whoever saw my condition at that time would burst out laughing, like seeing an idiot who was pensive in the dark and lonely room with many wounds in his body.


    By enduring this pain, I tried to pass the few days while smiling as usual and delivering good news to everyone who asked how I was. Or, if the world needed to know, then I would return to pretend and tell the people in this world that I was ''okay''.


    However, after what he had done to me, I kept silent on him and didn''t want to talk to him at all. I knew that this wouldn''t deter him, but in the silence, it took a little more of the anger that had been pent up so far.


    We had not talked to each other in the past few days, and it kept him away from home every day. When he finished his work in the afternoon, he would come out in the evening and come back at midnight.


    However, it was better than had to be here. As long as we stopped talking, it seemed like Donghwa could understand better that how mad I was at him, and I didn''t even want to see his face. He apologized several times and yes, I had forgiven him without even saying anything, but just needed to be alone.


    However, when I remembered how he accused me that night, where his anger made me even more hurt, the silence wasn''t enough to just give him a punishment. I wanted to run away but I was entangled by something deeper. My legs felt heavy as if the feeling of ''loving him'' tied me up even though it hurt me.


    It might be stupid. But, besides that, I also knew quite well that a human could never endure to the end with pain. It would make the death of their feelings getting closer gradually, and one of the two people who loved each other must go.


    However, to be honest, I never wanted our relationship to end in painful things. This relationship had been built for quite a long time. With all the kinds of things that we went through, I couldn''t waste this relationship. Since the beginning, this was something that was difficult to build and should have been hard to destroy.


    Now, the only hope was to change or survive. If he didn''t change, then I would have to stick with this relationship, which with the hopes that it would be fixed.


    After drifting into these thoughts for quite a while, a knock on the door brought me back to my senses. Someone came in with multiple files in his hands.


    It was Mr. Hye, the manager of the company. He walked over to me with the files, then put them on my desk. "These are the monthly reports of the members in the personnel department. Since Mr. Kim wasn''t in his office, he asked me to come to your room. You should check them quickly and input the data before the monthly meeting begins."


    I smiled weakly as I replied, "Of course, Mr. Hye. Thank you for bringing them."


    A few minutes after Mr. Hye left my room, Go Hyunjae came in with some food. He spoke with great enthusiasm, "Chunghee, I made a lot of rice rolls. You haven''t taken your break, have you?" while saying, she put the food on the desk and sat down on it.


    "Senior, thank you."


    "You have to try it. It tastes really good. I''m sure you''ll like it." Go Hyunjae offered me one slice, and I grabbed it with a smile.


    The taste was really good. Go Hyunjae was gifted at cooking. He had several times brought her homemade foods and offered them to several people in each department, which made her known as ''A Chef of Assistant Manager''.


    Go Hyunjae was indeed a kind and amiable woman. No one disliked a likable woman like her.


    After talking with her, Go Hyunjae came out of this room and I went back to my work as I had to finish all these works at once so I didn''t get overtime, as I had to do a checkup when I got home from work in the afternoon.


    It was 5.00 p.m already. Several people in the company were ready to return after finishing their works, and so was I.


    After completing the report and inputting the data, I finally could lean my back relievedly in the chair to relax my body after spending almost a day just sitting upright at the computer.


    I grabbed my cell phone and swiped the screen. Here were some messages from Donghwa that I had not opened on purpose. I didn''t intend to open it and even retaliate.


    Then, I shifted the menu again and contacted Daehyun.


    "Chunghee, I''m busy, is there anything wrong?" Daehyun answered on the other line.


    Leaning my back tiredly in a chair while looking at a piece of approval paper, I explained, "This morning, there was an offer from an investor from China regarding a computer project that has just launched. They were interested and offered to cooperate in the field of development and promotion. He explained some profits in this cooperation, and I think that it''s quite profitable. But you need to see it first."


    "Ah, I know them. Just sign it."


    "But, you didn''t see it first."


    "No need."


    I was silent for a few minutes before agreeing. If Boss Kim had said so, then it meant that the investors were an important source.


    When I was about to hang up, Daehyun spoke, "Are you okay? Why does your voice sound so weak?"


    I sighed silently. "Yeah, I guess."


    "You guess or you are?"


    Letting out a quiet sigh, I answered a little firmly, "I am."


    "Hmm, alright, take care of yourself then. Don''t forget to do a checkup this afternoon."


    Hearing his words, a sincere smile unconsciously tugged at the corners of my lips. "Thank you."


    After finishing the conversation on the phone, I took a few breaths. The sincere smile on my face gradually turned bitter.


    Daehyun wasn''t my lover, but why should he act like my lover, while someone who should be my lover behaved like someone else to me?


    The world was weird. It was like turning day and night, exchanging sweet and salty flavors. All of them were full of unexpected oddities and full of surprises.


    In the next few minutes, I tidied up all the reports on my desk, then headed off to the hospital and spent a few hours there.

 Chapter 40 - Resigning

    "Mr. Park, I kept contacting you a few days ago. Aren''t you planning to do surgery?"


    I could hear the words of Dr. Jeong, who was currently enjoying a cup of coffee behind his desk. However, I ignored him and continued to stare at the ceiling of Dr. Jeong''s room, while continuing to think about the complicated things that just happened a while ago in my head.


    "I''ve changed my mind, doc," I replied, without turning back at him, showing a meaningful smile.


    There was a long pause after I said that. Then, it was probably because Dr. Jeong saw me, who was bearing a lot of problems, he didn''t want to bring up the matter of the surgery and just said, "It''s six o''clock in the evening, Mr. Park. Come on, I''ll drive you home."


    I could hear him as he shifted his chair. And without knowing it, he was already close to me. If only he didn''t say something, then I would have remained silent with a blank stare, as if my soul wasn''t in my body.


    "What''s the matter, Mr. Park? You seem to have a lot of problems that you''ve been thinking about lately. Is there anything I can help you with?"


    I swept my eyes over to Dr. Jeong, who was sitting beside me and having a smile that couldn''t cover the sorrow on my face.


    I didn''t answer the question, as I knew that he wanted to explore the cause of the difficulty I was feeling right now, so I tried to dodge the question. "I thought you will drive me home, Doc?"


    "Hmm, apparently, there is also nothing wrong to hear your other complaints, Mr. Park." His right hand slowly moved to touch my arm gently, then continued, "I am not a psychologist, who can provide a better solution. But, at least I can be a good listener for you. Also, maybe I can give you a solution after hearing your problem."


    I smiled at what Dr. Jeong just said in earnest, and in a light tone I said, "Doc, how long can I survive? Can I recover without having to undergo surgery?" with a pause, I continued, "Well, I want to be honest with you, doc. I don''t want to do surgery, at all. I just don''t have the zeal for life anymore. Maybe, if death is right before my eyes, I want it to come to get me right away."


    Dr. Jeong squeezed my shoulder firmly, then said with the affirmation of his words, "You can''t say such a thing! You have to be strong! You just need encouragement! You promised me to do surgery, and how could you deny it?"


    "I''m wishy-washy." I showed a stupid smile. "I''ve told you that I''ve changed my mind. I don''t care about my condition anymore," while talking, I stared back at the ceiling.


    I wondered to myself, ''do I need encouragement? from whom?'' I didn''t have anyone in this world, living alone with the pain. And, even the man that I had always considered as the only family in my life ... I couldn''t expect such a thing from him!


    If there was any way to turn back the time, I would like to return to the time where I felt that it was wasted time for nearly ten years, by only continuing to love him. I wanted to return to the time, where I didn''t step too far beyond my own limits yet, where the decisions I had just made me hurt more than anything.


    Lamenting my agony, made me have to show this weakness in front of Dr. Jeong. While laying down, I cried unbearable tears and continued to wipe them, but incessantly came out like water flowing profusely.


    Dr. Jeong clasped my hands with both of his hands; by trying to calm me down with his empathy; and trying to cheer me up even though he wasn''t good at doing that. However, with his stiff deeds in comforting me, it made him not to be himself. But, I was more pleased because of what he just did.


    In this emotional atmosphere, my cell phone rang all of a sudden, with the ID of President Kim.


    I immediately got up after seeing the name of the incoming call on my cell phone. It also made my tears stop immediately without warning. "What''s up?"


    "Where are you?"


    "I''m in the hospital. I just wanted to go back now." I answered.


    Daehyun was silent. There was only the sound of breath that sounded soft and low now and then on the phone, and the sound of the crowd from a distance.


    "Mr. Kim?"


    There was a long pause before he continued, "Well, I''ll get you now. Wait for me there. Don''t go anywhere. I''ll be there in a few minutes."


    I was just about to refuse the good intention of him but as if he already knew, he hung up as if he didn''t want to hear my refusal.


    I immediately grabbed my bag which was on Dr. Jeong''s desk, then immediately asked to leave and didn''t forget to thank him for his kindness.


    He smiled at me and waved his hand as I started to move away. Seeing him always being friendly and always giving in to my hardheadedness, made me think that Dr. Jeong was too good to be someone else for me.


    I sat on the bench in front of the hospital, while waiting for Daehyun who said that he wanted to pick me up. And until a few moments later, a luxurious black and expensive car were parked gracefully in front of me.


    The window slowly lowered down to reveal the handsome face of the car owner who was currently smiling broadly at me, he was the Young Master of Kim Family, Kim Daehyun.


    I didn''t need to be amazed by this mundane anymore. No wonder that he was the master of all such luxurious and expensive things.


    I got into the car, leaned my back comfortably. When Daehyun started driving the car, I said, "Sir, I have something to tell you."


    For a moment, his eyes glanced sharply at me after hearing my words, then straightened his gaze again. "What''s wrong with you? Stop calling me ''sir'' if it''s outside of working hours."


    I took a deep breath. "I want to resign. I''ll give you my resignation tomorrow morning."


    Suddenly he pulled over his vehicle then stopped. With his hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly, he turned his face towards me, staring into my eyes deeply. With a desire to curse, he said, "If your reason is for your treatment, I''ll gladly let you do that."

 Chapter 41 - Pathetic Relationship

    I nodded weakly in response.


    Seeing my expression, his icy face instantly melted as a warm smile spread across his face.


    His warm hand clasped my cold hand and suddenly made me stunned in surprise.


    I stared at his hand for a long time before raising my gaze, gazing into his eyes in silence with many questions that were spinning in my head, as if there was an answer that I wanted to find out in there, which might help me to escape.


    Shortly thereafter, Kim Daehyun began to speak up, where his words were something that I didn''t expect previously. "If you quit, then I''m sure that I''ll feel lonely when you''re not at work."


    His face became warmer and warmer at his words. The decorated smile brightened up but there was pity in it.


    However, he didn''t stop surprising me by only holding my hand. Unexpectedly ¡ª never even crossed my mind ¡ª his lips suddenly kissed mine!


    Startled, I reflexively pushed his body. My hand acted on its own to do that. "What are you doing?!" My voice choked like a strangled pig.


    "Hmm? Didn''t you know that I''m into you?" Soft-sounding words and a gaze that seemed expecting something from me didn''t melt me down! his words even made me raise my palm, and then slap his face with a loud sound that hurt!


    I froze for a moment after slapping his face before removing my hand from his firm grip. "So, what do you want from me? You know that I have no feelings for you."


    "I want you to leave that guy. I want you to be with me even though you don''t like me," paused for a moment, he continued, "I can''t see you keep hiding your sadness. Because every time you do it, I hate someone who hurts you even more."


    I wanted to ask, ''how did he know that I have a lover? How does he know that I have been hurt?'' However, what he did just now really made me unable to ask or say a word.


    I was momentarily stunned. He even knew what I kept hiding all along. It was really unfair to me, who had been hiding my wounds for three years.


    "I''ll go first. Thanks for the ride." When I was just about to open the car''s door, Daehyun swiftly stopped me once again.


    "It''s cold outside! At least, let me drive you!" Daehyun said, with worry.


    Hearing his words, I laughed hollowly. "How can I be around someone who has confessed his feelings?" with a pause, I continued, "Heh, I don''t want to be here any longer."


    "Okay, I got it. You''re mad at me, right? But, please, let me drive you home first. Your apartment is far from here. If you''re mad, just get mad. You deserve to do it and no one can stop you."


    After thinking for a few seconds, I gave in to him. I let him do what he wanted to do.


    On the way, we never said a word. There was only silence passed between us. Until we arrived, there was no conversation like we had previously.


    At night, Daehyun''s words were still ringing in my head. But as I didn''t want to think about it any further, I took the book and read it.


    "Chunghee, come here. I''ve made dinner." Donghwa called me.


    I ignored him, who was in the kitchen right now. I remained focused on the book that I was currently reading in the bedroom.


    Soon after that, his footsteps were heard toward where I was now, then slowly the door opened. "Hey, Chunghee, let''s have dinner. I made your favorite soup."


    "..." I still didn''t say anything, as if I didn''t hear his voice.


    Because I kept silent on him, he started to detest my behavior and shouted, "Chunghee! You''ve been ignoring me these days! What the hell is wrong with you?! Stop acting like a kid!"


    Hearing a loud voice that seemed to echo in the room, I sighed, then closed the book in my hand. I turned my gaze towards him while asking, "Will you be okay if I leave you?"


    The question instantly made him chuckle. He probably took the question as a little joke from me, so he answered indifferently, "What''s that joke? If the hen doesn''t lay eggs again, I''m sure, I''ll be fine without you," paused for a moment, he continued, "Hmm, Stop playing games. Drop your stupid question. Dinner will be cold if you don''t eat it right away. Stop reading that boring book and have dinner with me."


    I put the book on the bedside table, then laid down without minding what he said. I pulled the blanket up to cover half of my body. "I''m not hungry. I''m going to sleep."


    He was heard sighing heavily, then left the room to the kitchen. It seemed that he had become a tame wolf now.


    After cleaning himself in the bathroom and wearing his pajamas, Donghwa turned off the light and laid down behind me.


    His hands move slowly until he embraced my body. I could even feel his disgusting breath that was tickling in my ears. His touches made me open my eyes slowly that was not asleep yet at the time.


    While kissing my nape, he whispered in my ear, "Stop ignoring me. You never even wanted to talk to me and never let me touch you for almost a week. Are you still mad? I''m sorry. I was wrong. I won''t do that again. I promise."


    Feeling his hand slowly stroking my body from top to bottom, I immediately pushed him away. "I''m tired. Next time."


    "Chunghee, just once, please. I''ll be gentle this time. I won''t hurt you."


    "No. Not once or a while."


    After finishing my sentence, he suddenly stopped moving. If I didn''t feel his breath on my back, then he might be like a dead man behind me.


    A few seconds later, he said in a low, slightly intimate voice, "How could you do this to me? What should I do so that you can forgive me?"


    I sighed. Hearing his pleading voice shouldn''t make me feel sorry anymore, yet I wasn''t him, who came as he felt sorry for me and left when he thought that he had fixed everything. I had my own way of dealing with problems in this relationship.


    I turned my body towards him and saw how the smile slowly appeared on his face, while I kept staring at him in silence.


    His hand touched my face gently, then kissed me as he wanted this.


    Amid our intimacy, I felt sorry for myself as well as this relationship. The sweetest things in it weren''t there anymore. All that remained was the gloom that slowly dried up.


    ''Are you okay if I leave you?''


    He even took the question as a joke; by answering it with a joke that made me annoyed where he thought that I could never leave him.


    If only he had known that someone who was my first love had confessed his feelings to me, I was sure that his anger would explode like a volcanic eruption. He would never even allow me to watch the morning sun.

 Chapter 42 - Sharp, Meaningful Glance

    Early in the morning, I rushed to the company to clean up my things and gave Daehyun my resignation letter.


    I had not told Donghwa about this decision-making as I thought that he didn''t need to know for now.


    I left breakfast on the dining table, while Donghwa was in the bathroom. As soon as I was about to leave, I reminded him to have breakfast first; make the bed, and turn off the lights, but in the end, he never did any of that.


    At the office, around 7.15 a.m, there were only a few staff arrived. I put all the things that I bought with money in the cardboard, then threw away some of the used paper in the trash.


    People who saw me always ask the same question, "Are you resigning?" and I didn''t lie to anyone by answering ¡ª "yes". But when they asked me why then I could only smile as an ambiguous answer. I didn''t know what kind of reason to tell them, while I didn''t know the reason why I was doing this. It was ridiculous but I just did it today.


    After I put my things into the cardboard, someone with quick steps came over to me. The sound of the shoes tapping was loud, and before that person got near me, the voice was already shouting behind me, "Chunghee!"


    I immediately turned my head back and saw Go Hyunjae was walking towards me with an angry face. As soon as she stood next to me, she hit me once on the back and continued to scold me, "Why did you resign? You''ve worked at this company for years and people already trust you. Isn''t your salary enough? Didn''t you say that your salary was more than enough? Now, you''re an assistant, you certainly don''t mind that. You complained to me that your job was difficult, so I helped you, but you didn''t even appreciate me by doing this."


    However, when I heard her words, I frowned in confusion and asked, "How come you know that I resigned today?"


    "Of course, I know!" Go Hyunjae answered firmly, "The staff at this company already know that, even Manager Han. But, I still can''t stop thinking why didn''t you tell me first? So, are you going to leave quietly without telling anyone, not even me?"


    Hearing that answer, I chuckled. "No. It''s not it. I was going to tell you after I returned to my house. But, since you already found out, I''ll apologize to you."


    "Tch! I know that you want to run away from me, right?" Go Hyunjae folded his arms across his chest, then looked away.


    "No. Definitely not. Don''t get me wrong just yet."


    A few seconds later, Go Hyunjae let out a disappointed sigh. "So, after you resign, are you going to work at another company? I hope that Mr. Kim doesn''t know that or he won''t let you go easily."


    I smiled as I shook my head slowly. "No. I''m not going to work. I want to stay home. I''m old enough to work. I''m tired."


    Hearing that statement, Go Hyunjae burst out laughing immediately. "If you''re old enough to work, then what about me? I''m four years older than you."


    I was about to reply to the joke, but before I could say a word, I accidentally saw Kim Daehyun walking into a private elevator. However, before Daehyun got into the elevator, he glanced at me sharply, so that our eyes met in clumsiness. I suddenly fell silent, as if I lost the words on my tongue.


    I could see how the cold expression on his face showing displeasure. His cold, deep eyes already described how he felt. The glance was meaningful, which could make me wonder if he was angry or disappointed.


    "Hey, Chunghee?" Go Hyunjae''s voice immediately snapped me from my reverie. I stared at Hyunjae''s face in a daze for a long time before the woman asked in surprise, "What''s going on? What happened?"


    I lowered my gaze a little, staring at the marble floor blankly before looking up again and saying, "I have to go to hand over my resignation letter to Mr. Kim."


    Finishing my words, I immediately took the brown envelope on my desk, then hurried out of the office. Go Hyunjae was about to say something, but she stopped and let me pass.


    I felt bad, but resigning was more important than anything today.


    When I was at the door of Kim Daehyun''s room, I knocked several times before I opened the door, then entered.


    In this room, Daehyun was standing with his back to me while smoking. He stared out the window with one hand in his pocket. As if he knew that it was me, he said, "So, you mean it about this."


    I was stunned for a moment before replying simply, "Yes."


    Daehyun turned back, staring at me briefly before stepping towards me. Right in front of me, he stared at me fixedly before saying in a deep, deep voice, "Fine. As long as this is for your medicinal purposes, then I have no right to stop you. Give me your letter," while saying, he stretched out his hand.


    I didn''t dare to look at him in the eye and handed out my resignation nervously.


    As soon as he grabbed it, he turned and walked over to the sofa and sat there, while I remained at the door and waited for him.


    Kim Daehyun raised his head, looked at me with a smile, and asked, "You''re not sitting down?"


    I shook my head softly in response.


    Kim Daehyun didn''t give a response and immediately signed my resignation letter. After that, he stood up and walked over to me.


    "Can I come to your apartment tomorrow night? I just want to visit you as a friend," Daehyun said, as he was standing in front of me, handing me my letter.


    I grabbed it and replied, "You can''t."


    "Day after tomorrow?"


    "You can''t. I won''t allow you"


    Kim Daehyun frowned, then asked once again, "So, when will you allow me to come?"


    "I don''t know." I didn''t show any expression while saying, "Thank you. Then I''m leaving now."


    Kim Daehyun was silent. As soon as I left the room, I took a deep breath. I felt like I hurt someone''s feelings today.


    However, as I didn''t want to think about this any longer, I rushed out of the company with my cardboard box.


    At home, I put the things in the warehouse, putting them under a pile of other things and books so that Lee Donghwa wouldn''t find them. After that, I took off my clothes, then put on my pajamas and slept all day to pass the time faster. I only woke up when I was hungry, then went back to sleep when I was full. It continued into the evening until morning came.

 Chapter 43 - Lee Donghwa Looked Strange

    Two days later, around 1.30 p.m, I prepared to meet with Dr. Jeong in the hospital and get some medicines.


    However, before stepping out of the bedroom, my eyes stopped on the empty bed, muttering softly to myself, "He didn''t even come home all night ... heh."


    Yesterday, Donghwa said that he would go to sign a contract with a huge electro company from China and would come back before dinner, but those words were commonplace. I was quite used to the same promises which would end in breaking them.


    He always said that he would come back in two days; a week; a month; two months; three months; until he didn''t come home for months without any news.


    After all, even if I complained to him, it would be useless. He would only nod as if he was an obedient kitten who listened to my words as he was scared that I wouldn''t give him food. But, he would repeat the same mistakes in the end. It would just waste my time to brag like a mother who was advising her stubborn child.


    I reached out to grab the scarf which was hanging beside the door and immediately put it on, then started walking towards the door.


    As I was about to turn the doorknob, I was surprised when I saw Donghwa who was standing in front of me, where now he was also about to go inside. His appearance looked quite messy as he had been wrestling all night.


    His untidy hair, hastily stuffed clothes, the smell of alcohol, the smell of someone else''s perfume. All of them were no different from what he used to do when he spent all night with someone else out there.


    I thought that he didn''t play with that guy anymore, who was the owner of that smell on his body, because I had never sensed the same smell on the shirt he was wearing for a month, so I tried to forgive him. But, seemingly, it was the wrong thing. Today he had proved himself that he was a man who would never change like he used to be.


    "Are you going back to work?" Donghwa asked while touching my face gently.


    It seemed that he made me want to shed tears as soon as he gave a soft touch on my face, but it hurt my feelings at the same time.


    I didn''t know if this feeling happened as I loved him or whether because of the painful feeling of loving him. Everything looked gray in my head.


    He looked at me with a tired face and his smile that he was covering up his inner resentment while handing me a plastic parcel. "Here, I brought your favorite food. And ... here, Yul-lan cake ... for you. I''m sorry because I didn''t buy it at that time."


    His tired face and smile were commonplace. I was also quite used to them when he came to me as his relationship with that guy wasn''t okay.


    I smiled at him to cover the disappointment that was stifling my chest, then said softly, "I have to go. Just keep the foods in the pantry. I''ll eat them when I come back."


    When I was about to take a step, he quickly grabbed my wrist. "Chunghee, from now on I will spend a lot of time with you. I will never make you wait again. I will also give you news if I come home late, and I will try to always come home before dinner so we can have dinner together. Come home early today. I''ll make your favorite food."


    Stunned for a moment, I said with a frown, "You''re weird. Are you okay?"


    He smiled at me broadly after I said my words. The same smile as ten years ago, and reminded me of his old self. However, even though he showed me that smile, it didn''t melt me down anymore. It was too late for him to become someone I used to know.


    I sighed silently. "Well, do you want to have lunch with me? I''ll make lunch if you want to before leaving."


    "Sure! I''ll do it." With sparkling eyes and a big smile, he looked different.


    I didn''t want to think about it any longer and immediately walked in, followed by him.


    After he prepared the food on the dining table, he immediately pulled out a chair and asked me to sit down.


    I stared at him as he sat across from me. I watched him secretly. His face, which was shabby when he arrived earlier, now became even more pleasant.


    After a while no one spoke to each other, I glanced at his hand then asked calmly, "Donghwa, You haven''t found your ring yet?"


    He suddenly gasped in silence. His bright face revealed a clear shock and gradually turned pale.


    He stared at his hand and stammered, "Um ... looks like ... my ring ... yeah, I haven''t found it yet."


    I didn''t know, was that the real answer or the way to escape, so I could only remain silent until he spoke again, "Chunghee, are you angry? I''m sorry. Give me one more time to look for it or, we can buy a new one. "


    I grinned coldly while eating my food. However, in my own heart, I was screaming really loudly, ''Buying a new one?! You say that too easily!''


    The rusty ring wasn''t just an old metal. I didn''t even care about the ring ¡ª a ring that was just an ordinary ring. However, the feeling implied in the ring was something so meaningful to me.


    ''Heart bounded - (names of each other)'', his ring engraved my name and vice versa.


    Has he forgotten, why did I engrave those words?


    That''s because I think of it as a prayer for our lifelong relationship!


    Since I didn''t want to exaggerate the matter, I replied with a casual tone, "Don''t worry. It doesn''t matter. It doesn''t cost much either," with a pause, I continued, "Maybe, to be fair, I just need to put off my ring too."


    I was about to put off the ring from my finger, but he stopped me by gripping my hand tightly. "Chunghee! Please, don''t do that." There was an affirmation in his sharp eyes and a pang of dominant guilt. "I know you''re mad at me for losing it but I promise, I''ll find it soon."


    "Donghwa, this is just an ordinary ring. You don''t need to think about it."


    "Chunghee! I''m mad at you if you insist on doing it! Please, it isn''t the time to be stubborn!"


    I was momentarily stunned. "Hmm, alright."


    I didn''t obey him as I was afraid of him. Rather I only thought that if I sympathized with him for once, it wouldn''t be a problem.


    I put the chopsticks on top of my food bowl, lowering my hands under the table. "Donghwa, actually I don''t work at that company anymore. Sorry for not telling you first."


    He was stunned for a moment, then looked at me with a complicated look. "Chunghee, you don''t take my words seriously, right? If you are comfortable with your job, you don''t have to do what I said at that time. I trust you. I''m sorry for being too suspicious all this time."


    "Hmm, that''s not it, but after thinking about it these days, being an assistant was tough enough for me. So, I decided to quit."


    There was exhilaration in his glowing browny eyes while saying, "Are you sure?"


    I nodded softly to confirm it in response.


    Smiling for a moment, he suddenly exclaimed, "Wait! If you quit from your job, where are you going now?" He looked at me with suspicion and impatience.


    "I''m going to the hospital."


    Finishing the words, the irritation on his face faded. He slowly showed sympathy, then turned into shock. His eyes widened open in startle, "Are you sick?! I''ll take you to the hospital right now!"


    I took a deep breath. "No need. You look so tired today. I just want to take some medicines for aid kit which is running low."


    "No ... I want to drive you there."


    I sighed once again, and spoke coldly, "Lee, can you listen to me for just this once?"


    He frowned tightly in confusion. His sharp eyes seemed to find something strange from me but didn''t ask anything. The eyes also showed so many questions in his head at this time, which often freaked me out when he started to show a fit of anger.


    "Hmm, I''m done. I''ll be leaving now."


    I immediately stood up and left him.


    He called me once before I stepped out, but I just smiled at him and showed him that I was okay with all these painful things.


    He had not even asked me about my condition. It was obvious that I always looked strong in his eyes. It was both good and bad news for me. So, I decided to never say how I was and how long I could endure.


    Now, I know what I should do!

 Chapter 44 - Praying For Someone Who Would Be Left Alone.

    District M.


    Walking in the middle of the city, amidst the hustle and bustle of the autumn air, there was a voice calling me out.


    "Hey, Chunghee! Is that you?!"


    Hearing someone called me from a distance, I immediately stopped walking. I turned around and saw a woman walking hastily towards me. When she was near me, I asked, "Senior, don''t you work?"


    It was Go Hyunjae. We had not had a say in a long time since I resigned from the company about a month ago.


    She caught her breath when she was in front of me, then put both hands on my shoulders. "Huh, finally, I can see you again."


    I smiled and asked once again, "Senior, don''t you work?"


    Before answering, he pulled me to the bench in front of one of the shops, then we sat down there.


    "Huh, Mr. Kim asked me to buy stores for his father''s birthday next week. But, when I saw you, I immediately approached you," paused for a moment, she continued, "Hey, Chunghee, I really miss you. I have no friends to have lunch together."


    I smiled. "Sorry, but next time, maybe we can have lunch together."


    She lifted her eyebrows and leaned slightly towards me, with both hands gripping my arms. "Chunghee, tell me your reason now, why did you quit your job? Are you having a problem? Is it because Mr. Kim always ordered you to do many things? But, I already helped you, and it should make your work easier now." Her face looked a little annoyed. "Huh, Don''t tell me that you don''t feel good to me! I''m really going to pinch you!"


    Hearing the joke, I chuckled. Go Hyunjae always put a joke in the middle of her words. She was still like someone I knew.


    It seemed that I also missed our break time at the company, where jokes and laughter often interrupted in the middle of our conversation at that time.


    I took a deep breath, then said, "I can''t be that busy. I have to focus on another business from now on."


    She narrowed her eyes, looked at me with her sharp probing eyes. "What is it? You seem to hide something from me. Now, tell me the truth. I promise I won''t tell Mr. Kim."


    Somehow, when I heard the word of ''promise'', it made me feel even more frustrated and disgusted by that word.


    This is traumatic!


    I sighed slowly, and said, "I mean it. I have an important business that I have to do."


    Her face still looked sullen. She replied, "Hmm, actually I can''t believe it yet, but if you say the truth, then I want to ask, what business led you to leave your job?"


    I smirked. "It''s secret. I don''t want to tell you. Sooner or later, you will find out even though I don''t tell you now."


    The business I meant was my condition. However, even though I said my words earnestly, it wasn''t the truth. I didn''t even care about the disease or the medication.


    Death? I felt that dead early would be better. It made me look forward to meeting someone who gave me genuine affection. I couldn''t wait to tell her about many complaints when I lived.


    "Huh! You''re stubborn. Chunghee is so stubborn."


    I smiled and stunned to hide my face, covering up the many heavy things that I had been through. There was nothing wrong with saying ''stubborn'' to me. The nickname suited me perfectly.


    "Hey, Chunghee, you know, after you resigned, Mr. Kim was rarely seen in his office." Go Hyunjae said again.


    I was startled as I heard those words, but I still tried not to show the shocked expression on my face.


    "Huh, the staff and employees are difficult to show their works." Even though it sounded light, there were complaints that she couldn''t hide. "Never mind them, Mr. Hye and I also had such a hard time meeting him. Every time we wanted to have a meeting with him, we had to talk to his new assistant first to ask Mr. Kim''s approval. So, after seeing Mr. Kim''s sudden behavior when you just resigned, I thought that there was an issue between you two."


    I shook my head lightly and pulled the corners of my stiff lips to cover the startled that grew even more after hearing those words. "No. We''re fine. I don''t know why he''s acting like that. It''s probably because he''s really busy. He is the owner of the two huge companies, isn''t he?"


    Even though I looked quiet, I felt very restless inside myself. I kept asking and thinking that Kim Daehyun changed because of me.


    In the middle of our conversation, Go Hyunjae''s cell phone rang. "Heh, look! We were just talking about him and he called me."


    She showed the ID that was calling her now, ''Boss Kim''. Before answering the phone, she spoke, "Chunghee, I have to go now. Mr. Kim must be waiting for me right now." She then picked up the phone, then immediately left in a hurry.


    I pondered for a moment when Go Hyunjae left this place. Thinking about Daehyun who acted as if he was losing something, made me jittery. But, I didn''t want to think into it deeply. I didn''t want to feel guilty that his change was purely due to me.


    I immediately stood up, then walked to the hospital. But, accidentally I saw a church which was quite magnificent. I didn''t mean to step inside, but my two feet unintentionally and lightly took a step, bringing my body inside.


    I saw that only a few people were praying in here. Quite lonely for a large church like this.


    I sat on the bench at the back, bowing my face so that God wouldn''t see my gloomy face.


    The impulse of my heart made me close my eyes, then began to raise my hands on my chest, holding my hands together by hooking the fingers to each other.


    When I did it, my eyes stung with tears that had been wanting to escape. Until I couldn''t take it anymore, I let it drip and flow more and more profusely.


    Amid my tears, my heart slowly began to speak, "I''m sure that You saw everything that already happened in my life so far. I''m sure that You know exactly how our relationship has been. I know that I was making a big mistake all this time. But, if I ask for Your protection and pity, will You be willing to give?"


    "I know that I will see You soon; following them who faced You first. And, I''m certainly sure that You know how I feel all this time. Even though I often ask for a faster time and say that I''m quite happy to welcome the death, you must know my true heart that I am so scared right now and only lied all this time. But, it isn''t a complaint that I want to say to You. I''m also sure if you already know what I want to ask You as someone You are wrath with."


    "Please, when I die, give happiness to someone that I love so much. Don''t make him cry for me. Don''t make him sad because of me. I don''t want to feel guilty. I don''t want to die regretfully for leaving him alone with sadness. Please, God, hear me. Amen."


    After saying a prayer, I opened my wet eyes, then wiped the tears in my eyes by using a scarf.


    I stood up, then stepped out of this place, continuing my steps to see Dr. Jeong in the hospital.


    I hoped that God would answer my prayer. I knew that I was ashamed as someone who said inappropriate prayers. But, I also knew that God was very loving and wise in answering the prayers of people who need help from Him.

 Chapter 45 - He Was Quite Brave And Shameless

    When I was in the hospital, without wasting any time, I immediately went to the room where Dr. Jeong was in.


    I sat on a nursing bed and said nothing. I just kept staring at the floor blankly and felt dishearten. Until Dr. Jeong shifted his chair right in front of me, then said, "I have collected your medicines, Sir."


    Hearing those words, I was momentarily stunned. Raising my face slowly, I asked, "Are you trying to ask me to leave, Doc?"


    "Huh?" He frowned in confusion. "What are you talking about?"


    "You collected the medicines before I got here. Unusual, right? You usually would collect them when I was here and say ''I want to collect my medicines''," I said in a flat tone.


    He chuckled softly with his right hand over his mouth. "You''re indeed a very fun guy, sir. I didn''t think that you would draw any conclusions from such a thing," paused, he continued, "I just collected them first so I want to hear an interesting story from you today"


    I took a deep breath, closed my eyes for a moment before saying, "What story? It''s so unusual to ask that. I don''t have any interesting stories to tell after all."


    An interesting story? What kind of interesting story would he like to hear from me?


    If it was a pleasant story that he wanted to hear, it might be better if he read it in a fairy tale book, where every character who was hurt had a happy ending. As for me ... there was only sadness which might be just catastrophe.


    I tried to change the subject by saying, "Hey, Doc, stop being formal when you talk to me. I think we''re pretty close now, and there''s nothing wrong with just calling my nickname."


    Hearing that statement, Dr. Jeong laughed even more. "Alright. Chunghee, then call me Jeong Hoon."


    I smiled while glancing at him. "Sounds fair. But, you have a title, I can''t possibly call you ''Jeong Hoon''."


    Dr. Jeong leaned his back on the back of the chair and replied casually, "You also have a title, I''m also not used to call you ''Chunghee''."


    I didn''t give any response and just kept smiling. Until a thought finally crossed my mind and made me ask carefully, "Doc, what treatments should be done for brain cancer?"


    Hearing that question, Dr. Jeong immediately straightened his back and started to explain seriously, "The standard of treatment for brain cancer includes surgery, radiotherapy, and chemotherapy. Before we do surgery, you have to routinely have a medical checkup for about two weeks to make sure that your body is fit. After that, radiotherapy will be done to clean the remaining cancer cells before doing chemotherapy."


    "Chemotherapy for brain cancer patients is different from chemotherapy for other types of cancer. For brain cancer, the medicine is in the form of pills, not intravenous fluids. If you want to do surgery, I will contact a neurologist, so you can consult with him soon."


    "Do the procedures have to be done? What if I only do chemotherapy?" I asked again.


    Dr. Jeong sighed heavily before answering, "Sir, if you want your recovery to be maximized, then you have to do all the procedures," with a pause, he continued, "Brain cancer consists of two types, namely primary and secondary. Primary is cancer cells that have come from the brain itself, while secondary comes from cancer cells from other organs. From the x-rays, you have primary brain cancer, namely Glioblastoma. This is the most dangerous type of brain cancer. It''s grade fourth."


    After hearing that explanation, I lowered my head slowly while thinking about something. I wanted to do the procedures. But, I didn''t know how to say this directly to Donghwa. Do I need to do it secretly?


    Nearly a minute passed, finally, the ringing of my cell phone broke my mind. I looked at my cell phone, then saw Donghwa''s name on the screen. I immediately picked up the phone. "What''s going on?"


    "Is your business over there finished? I''ll pick you up. Which hospital are you at now?"


    Paused for a moment, I replied, "Pick me up in front of the bookstore in District M."


    "Okay, I''ll get you there soon."


    After finishing the sentence, the phone was cut off.


    Putting my cell phone in my pocket, I smiled, staring down blankly. I was sure that I didn''t instill hatred in myself for someone who always tore my feelings apart. But, somehow when I remembered that man, he often made me want to cry and made me even sicker of the love story that was full of falsehood in it.


    "Sir?"


    Hearing Dr. Jeong''s voice, I turned to him and smiled. "I have to go directly. Please give me the medicines, doc." I immediately stood up.


    Dr. Jeong stood up after my words and walked towards the cupboard which was full of medicines to take out a bag of medicines. He walked towards me while handing them to me. "I''m still waiting for your decision, sir."


    Grabbing the bag of medicines, I smiled in a friendly manner. "Give me one more chance. I''ll decide it this time surely."


    Dr. Jeong didn''t respond, only showing a smile on his face with worry. So, I immediately left the hospital.


    I sat for a while in front of the bookstore before a car parked in front of me, then I immediately got inside and sat comfortably beside the driver''s seat.


    Donghwa asked in surprise, "Why are you taking so long?"


    Buckling my seat belt, I answered in a low voice, "I had a chat with the doctor over there. He''s very nice. It''s not good to ignore a nice guy like him."


    Hearing that, Lee Donghwa took a deep breath before pressing the gas pedal.


    On the way, I asked, "Have you been home all day?"


    "Yes. No business in Daejeon. Hoonsik took care of everything, so I took the day off today," with a pause, he asked, "I saw there were a lot of medicines in your wardrobe earlier, what medicine are those?"


    I gasped in startle when I knew that he found them, but I tried to answer calmly, "Those ... are not medicines but vitamins. During my work as an assistant, I often stayed up late but had to work early in the morning. So, I have anemia and have been dizzy these days. That''s why I put vitamins in it."


    By saying that, I laughed at myself inside. I knew that what I had just said was true and false. I was pretty good at taking my words to something that could be trusted.


    Meanwhile, Lee Donghwa immediately grabbed my hand after hearing my words. He spoke with worry, "Chunghee, I''ve warned you long ago that you don''t have to work. You''re stubborn and didn''t want to listen to me at that time, so I let you do whatever you want. But, now if you work again, I won''t hesitate to lock you up at home. Don''t make me furious about this. I can break your legs if I have no other choice."


    Staring straight ahead blankly, I smiled bitterly. "Isn''t it the same as that you''re killing me?"


    "If that''s the case, then I''ll kill myself to be with you too."


    Hearing that answer, I glanced at him silently and saw the deep smile on his face as if what he just said wasn''t a joke worth laughing at.


    I was wondering, ''You can still say such things after what you''ve been doing for these three years?


    He was quite brave and shameless.

 Chapter 46 - Do You Still Love Me?

    I didn''t want to talk about this any longer, so I asked for something else to escape from this topic and didn''t want to get caught up with his sweet words that could trap me at any time. "Why did you want to pick me up all of sudden? You shouldn''t have to do this because I''m used to going home alone."


    Lee Donghwa smiled. "Because I want to. We haven''t been this close in a while, have we?" He paused for a second. "But, what''s wrong if I pick up my lover anyway? I can pick you up and drop you off when I''m on leave. You just never asked me to do it."


    "..."


    He took a silent breath. "Well, do you want to stop by the restaurant where we had dinner?"


    I leaned my head against the window and answered in a weak voice, "No. Just take me home."


    Finishing my words, Donghwa suddenly pinched my cheek gently, "Honey, you¡ª" But, before he finished his sentence, he suddenly exclaimed, "You have a fever!"


    I grinned, and said in a light tone, "That''s why I want to go home."


    When we got to the apartment, Donghwa helped me to lie down on the bed. He took off my shoes and scarf, then pulled the blanket to cover my body. "Get some rest. I''ll make food first." He kissed my forehead gently before asking, "Did you go to the hospital on foot?"


    I nodded weakly in response.


    "Why do you prefer walking instead of using your money to take a taxi? I always send money to you every month and you also have a salary, then why don''t you ever use the money? Don''t be too stingy with yourself. If your money runs out, don''t hesitate to ask me. I don''t care if you spend your money on things that ain''t important as long as you want them."


    I looked at him weakly, saying nothing but thinking about his words. I couldn''t possibly say, that all this time I never spent the money he gave and just kept it in the bank savings. If I want to buy something, then it was better to spend my own money.


    Nevertheless, now it was different. All the money I saved had been reduced due to the medicines that I had to keep on taking, and the rest for my next treatments.


    Lee Donghwa continued, "Next time, let me drive you wherever you want while I''m not busy. It''s cold out there and you go on foot. Now, look at yourself. I can''t see you like this."


    He was about to get up, but I immediately stopped him by pulling his arm. I paused, mustering up the courage to say that I wanted to do the surgery, but as soon as my lips opened, the words came out were different from what I thought. "Aren''t you on a business trip anymore? You usually would leave without telling me first."


    Hearing that question, his gentle gaze suddenly turned cold like the tip of a dagger. He gritted his teeth so that I could see his strong jaw muscles. He then stroked my head gently while saying in a suppressed voice, "Chunghee, don''t say that. Aren''t you happy when I can spend a lot of time with you? If you ask that, you will make me mad."


    It was obvious that he was suppressing his anger to say his words.


    I gazed at him for a long time before saying, "I''m sick. Don''t mad at me. Maybe after I recover from this fever, I will rarely stay at home. I want to go to Sokcho to visit my grandma''s grave."


    Hearing this, Donghwa exclaimed, "I''ll go with you! Your family has become mine too."


    "No. I''ll go by myself. It''s been a long time since I was there. I need time to be with them. Alone. I won''t belong. Just for a few days."


    "No!" Donghwa insisted, "I won''t let you go by yourself. I will¡ª"


    Before he continued, I gave him a sharp glance. Although I didn''t say anything, I was sure that he knew how I felt right now.


    Lee Donghwa didn''t seem to have the courage to continue, so he spoke awkwardly, "I ... I''m going to make porridge."


    Before he got up, I pulled his arm again, then said hoarsely, "Don''t go. Alright, I won''t go. But, stay here with me."


    "But, you have to eat before you take the medicine." He touched my face gently.


    I didn''t say anything and just curled up like a spoiled cat to his master, made him melt. "You''re so spoiled when you''re sick. I can''t do anything when you act like that to me."


    Smiled, I sighed and let go of my hand that was gripping his arm. A few seconds of silence, I asked again, but as soon as the question left my lips, the pain in my heart seemed to have doubled from before. "Donghwa, do you still love me?"


    He gasped when he heard my question. He then spoke earnestly, "Hey, I do love you. Never ask such things. Do you doubt me? I love you and I will never betray you. You''re the only one."


    He will never betray me? He must be joking when he said that.


    It was annoying. He didn''t even admit his behavior at all and seemed to pretend that he had never done any mistakes so far.


    Cliche. It was like a sicken seduction all years. Full of nonsense!


    However, since I didn''t want to bring it up again, I could only ask to make sure, "You promise? Can I trust you?"


    "I promise. Trust me."


    I gazed into his eyes, which was also gazing at me earnestly. I asked once again, "Donghwa, will you be okay if I leave you?"


    Hearing that question, his face suddenly turned shocked. He then embraced my body. "Chunghee, stop it. That''s enough. Don''t ask questions like that again. I don''t want to hear it, please. As you know that a sloppy man like me can''t survive without you."


    I smiled weakly as I said, "Never make me regret it, okay?"


    He released his embrace and stroked my head gently before replying, "Sure. Now, get some rest."


    As he stroked my hair, his big strong hand was the softest thing I had ever felt. My heartfelt warmth seemed to melt the snow in my chest. His tenderness had faded for quite a while, but it returned like fresh air in the autumn. I felt more peaceful, slowly fell asleep without realizing it.


    When I woke up, the room was dark and cold. I turned to see Donghwa, who was sleeping beside me.


    I stared at his back from behind, which was wide and looked very strong in my eyes. I felt so fond of him.


    I grabbed my cell phone which was lying on the bedside table, then looked at the clock that showed 10.00 p.m. When I saw the numbers of the clock on my cell phone, I was a little startled. I thought that I slept for only a few hours but it seemed time passed so fast when someone was asleep. I had not slept as well as I did now in a long time.


    In the dim room, I opened the many messages that came in and saw some messages from Daehyun, who I had been ignoring for almost two weeks, and read them right away.


    "Chunghee, I mean it when I said that I love you. I want you to be with me."


    "How are you today? How''s your treatment?"


    "Good night. Take care of yourself."


    "I know you''re angry with me at this time. But, I beg you, don''t ignore me. At least, give me the news. It''s been one week you never reply to my messages."


    "Chunghee, don''t ignore me, please."


    Guilt arose after reading all of the messages as if I had destroyed something of the greatest worth.


    Inside, I just kept apologizing, hoping Daehyun would remain someone who would never change. I didn''t want any hatred in his heart to grow in the future.


    I put my cell phone back on the bedside table without replying to a single message from him, then turned back at Donghwa, staring at his back, who was fast asleep beside me at this time.


    I shifted my body closer to his, then embraced him from behind, feeling the warmth that gradually grew colder in my heart. The sense wasn''t the same as previously.


    I couldn''t help but cry. All the pleasant things that had happened before they formed a sword that split my heart in half. It was done so suddenly, so there was no time for me to run away.


    He didn''t even know how often I cried over him, this relationship, and our future.


    Nonetheless, from the bottom of my heart, I didn''t want him to know what had I done. I didn''t want him to know if I was crying for all of those things and muttering in my heart, hoping that Donghwa wouldn''t make me regret it at the end of my life.

 Chapter 47 - A Simple Request

    I woke up very early in the morning, ahead of the sun which still had not dawned in the sky. I walked to the wardrobe, prepared a suit for Donghwa that was still asleep in the dim room, and put it on the bed. Since my fever had gone down, I felt better this morning and could do the chores. Now, I thought that there was no other way than to become a housewife.


    Since a long time ago we had often argued about work. Donghwa often asked me to stop working when I was working at one of the huge companies, even he had said it when we were still in college.


    At the beginning of our struggle, we used to work at the same company. But, an incident occurred and left us struggling to find a new job. Once luck came, we had to work in different places and those years were a sweetness that had faded in my heart right now.


    When Lee Donghwa succeeded to become the president of the agency, he always told me that I didn''t have to work and keep staying at home.


    However, for me, it was a difficult thing. I might be the one who was always obedient. He forbade me to make friends with anyone, I complied, but not for work. I had always been educated to be a hard worker and always save for the future. So, it wouldn''t be easy to stay at home and keep waiting, accepting money, and having sex. I wasn''t that kind of person.


    After all, asking me to be a homebody was one of his ways to keep me away from people he thought would snatch me from him. It showed how possessive he was in the past and the present.


    I obeyed him and always became an obedient kid for him. By following his commands not to overdo social interactions, talking as necessary, and making friends for just a few people, so many people thought that I was an introverted person who preferred to be alone. But, that was simply not true. I was willing not to be myself who liked to be friends with anyone, only to be a good lover for his partner.


    Nonetheless, as if he was selfless and merciless, Donghwa took advantage of me by playing with anyone out there. Having sex with lots of sluts like a wild animal and hiding a few concubines. He probably thought that I was easy to persuade as he forced me into loving him in the past, and when I got crazy about him, he kept on treating me casually as if I was the only one who could never survive without him.


    Rubbing the worn ring on my finger, I smiled as the bitterness on my tongue swallowed up in my throat as all these things stuck in my head.


    Since a long time ago I had been a patient person beyond the normal limits of people in general and no one could endure the same pain; forgive the same mistakes, and even smile cheerfully behind the misery except me.


    I wasn''t sure if his concubines wouldn''t try to escape from his cursed palace if they were in my position.


    While making breakfast, I thought about how great I had been all along.


    After the sun had risen, I opened the curtains. Lee Donghwa was also up and neat in a suit. His face was brighter and brighter, looking more humane than the days previously, it was different from his demonic appearance.


    He sat opposite me at the dining table while enjoying breakfast. "Are you feeling better now?"


    "Yes," I replied simply.


    "I''ll be home early this afternoon, don''t you want to take a walk?"


    I just shook my head slowly, showing reluctance.


    Sighing, he talked again, "The Christmas this year, what gift do you want? I''ll buy it for you. Or, what if my business in Daejeon is done, we go abroad? Last time we went to Italy, next time Europe is still the best choice. I think. It''s been a while since we walked around, right? In three months, the company contract is over, so I have plenty of time for you."


    I shook my head once again.


    "So what do you want? Just tell me, I''ll work on it."


    Hearing his words, I suddenly froze for a moment. Lifting my gaze, I replied in a low voice, "I want a scarf. My scarf is ripped. I want a new one. But, give it to me on Christmas Eve." This was a simple request but important for me.


    Donghwa chuckled. "A scarf? Just a scarf? I can buy it for you today when I come home, then why do we have to wait till Christmas Eve?"


    I kept silent.


    "Okay, it doesn''t matter although that will be the worst gift I have ever given you."


    I forced a smile, then asked, "What about you, do I need to buy a new watch for you? Your watch is old, even the color is a little faded. It''s looking ugly in your hand. Moreover, vintage watches like that is no longer trend this year," while saying, I glanced at the watch he was wearing. It was the watch I gave him on Christmas Eve many years ago.


    "No. There''s no need." Donghwa''s face looked calm. There was a softness in his eyes as he spoke, "When you bought this watch for me, I promised to wear it always. I don''t need a new one. While you are with me, it is the greatest gift for me."


    I didn''t respond, only laughed loudly inside when I heard those words.


    After his words, we didn''t have much to say anymore. When he finished breakfast, he got up and hurried away.


    In the living room, I sat alone on the sofa. It felt so quiet here even though the TV sound was loud enough. I grabbed my cell phone on the table and again, opened the message that Daehyun just sent this morning.


    I ignore it. In the chat application, I had left the company chat groups. So, there weren''t many messages anymore ¡ª not as noisy as when I was working at TU Company. Besides that, I wasn''t very close to people in the company except for Go Hyunjae, so there was no personal message apart from Daehyun''s.


    I wondered how Donghwa would react when he saw Daehyun''s messages. Is he going to drown me in the bathtub and then rape me as he did previously? His possessiveness too often led him to misunderstand. That was truly bad.


    Boredom made me slowly feel sleepy, so I decided to go to sleep and wake up during the day. This situation continued as long as I stopped working and decided to stay at home.


    It was a little hard but I just needed to get used to it.

 Chapter 48 - Stayed That Way

    Three days later, within the last ten minutes, there had already been twenty-one incoming calls that were made by Daehyun this morning. I didn''t know what else he had to tell me, and I wouldn''t care. Whatever it was, I didn''t want Daehyun to put hopes in me.


    For me, his statement had been quite obvious since two weeks ago. It was enough to make me have to stay away. However, staying away didn''t mean that I hated him or felt angry. I only thought that being away from him was necessary.


    With a "ting" sound, a message arrived on my cell phone. After seeing that the message was from Daehyun, I was about to ignore it, but my finger acted ahead of my wishes.


    "Chunghee, pick up my call. I beg you. I want to talk to you."


    Reading the message, he suddenly called me, but my thumb rejected the call immediately and sent him a short message before turning off my cell phone.


    "Daehyun, I''m sorry. Please don''t call me again. Thank you for everything."


    Am I being a bad guy for him now?


    I didn''t mean it. I had already said that I stayed away not out of hatred, but out of concern not to hurt our feelings both.


    My feelings weren''t for him, and if I forced something that wasn''t the truth, my heart and body weren''t strong enough for the painful feeling anymore. By enduring the pain of just one man, it would have made me barely able to stand up. He would also get hurt because of this.


    "Hey, Chunghee?"


    Donghwa''s voice snapped me from this thought. I quickly wiped my eyes towards him who was neatly dressed in the black coat and shirt he was wearing.


    "Today I have an important meeting and there is also an invitation to dinner from the Lim family, the owner of the Emperor Group company, to discuss a new channel from the agency, so I might come home late. You ...." He smoothed his sleeves from his coat before continuing, "No need to wait for me tonight, okay? Don''t forget to have dinner and sleep early."


    "Donghwa?"


    For a moment his face became amazed before looking at me with a smile. "What''s up, honey?"


    "Tonight, there''s a performance by a famous French pianist. I do love the music he plays. Will you accompany me?" I spoke with unconcealed expectations.


    He took a deep breath like he was complaining, "I told you I was busy today. Next time, okay?"


    "No! I don''t want to." The refusal made me frown immediately.


    There was no more ''next time'' for me. I didn''t want to wait for the next winter when I wasn''t sure that I would see it again or not.


    "I''ll go even if you don''t want to accompany me. Don''t you understand? I''ve missed two performances from that musician because I always obeyed you. And now, after three years of waiting, I don''t want to miss this chance again."


    "..."


    We were silent for a few moments. Only eyes met each other, until I broke the silence again, "Donghwa, I beg you, just this once. If you can''t accompany me, at least let me go." This wasn''t a plea. I just tried to act like usual which often asked his permission.


    Touching his forehead, he sighed and then spoke in a pathetic tone but still sounded soft, "Do you want to go to that show? Are you going to go even if I kneel to you and beg you not to go? If I move the meeting schedule to another day, I don''t know if the investors will agree. I fought for this contract for almost a year, will that make you understand?"


    "I''ll still go. Mind your business and I don''t mind having to go alone," I said.


    He inhaled and exhaled slowly. "Alright. Looks like I can''t persuade you. I''ll tell Hoonsik to attend my invitation tonight and move the meeting to another day."


    "You don''t have to. Isn''t the meeting important?"


    He smiled sincerely, touched my face gently. "There''s no important thing except you. You''re the only one."


    Hearing this, there was a sudden joy like a colorful glow in my eyes. "But, you promise, right?"


    The smile on his face had not disappeared yet. It continued to widen and radiated a warm atmosphere as if it had warmed me in winter.


    He stepped closer to me, saying in his deep, intimate voice, "I promise. I''ll accompany you." He then kissed my forehead with his warm lips.


    "Don''t disappoint me this time," I muttered softly as if I had planted that promise in my heart, then waited for it to grow, producing a sweet apple that could keep me going in this relationship.


    Yes ... Don''t disappoint me. Don''t tell me a word with lip-deep that you often promise me. I hope in you, and if your words are true, keep it that way so I can survive for you.


    "I won''t."


    He turned around, was about to go to the door, but I immediately stopped by pulling his wrist. "I''ll be waiting for you."


    Donghwa smiled and said, "Sure. I''ll be back as soon as I can," with a pause, his hand touched my face softly, "I want to spend time with you."


    "Don''t mind me. You stay with me tonight, that''s enough for me."


    Paused for a moment, he suddenly said, "I''ll cancel my schedule at the office and spend time with you today then."


    "What are you saying? You don''t have to do that. The people over there will need you," I said, smoothing his slightly crooked tie.


    "Hmm, alright. You''re right. Then, I''ll go first. Don''t forget to have lunch. I''ll be back this afternoon." He kissed me on the cheek before he left.


    After closing the door, I sat with my back against the sofa, then grabbed my cell phone from the table, then turn it on.


    When the cell phone turned on, there were a lot of messages coming in. As soon as I saw the messages from Daehyun, I gasped in surprise. It caused quite a sense of guilt in my chest for ignoring him, avoiding him after many concerns he gave me.


    I only opened the messages but didn''t dare to read them. I was terrified and acted like a loser in the war. Reading it would only make me regret what had I done.


    I hugged my knees tightly, sank my head between them, and imagined how bad I would be to someone who was always there for me when I was down with this painful feeling. Ignoring someone who often helped me and cheered me on, made me laugh as if I had lost my sanity. It made me become someone who would never be forgiven in my whole life.


    I was indeed a selfless person who was ungrateful and selfish rather than appreciating the kindness of my friend.


    It became the deepest and most painful wound.


    In thought, the ringing of the phone brought me back from my muse. At first, I thought it was Daehyun and intended to ignore it, but after seeing that the caller ID was ''Dr. Jeong'', I immediately answered, "What''s going on, doc?"


    "Sir, it''s been three days since you haven''t come to check your condition. Please, meet me this afternoon."


    I took a silent breath before replying, "Hmm, alright. There is something I also want to tell you, doc."


    "What is that?"


    "I''ll tell you later when I''m in the hospital."


    "I hope that''s good news from you, sir."


    "Um, but what about we have lunch before talking about business. I promised to treat you, didn''t I?" Although my tone sounded calm, there was strong hope for approval from him.


    "That sounds good. Come to the hospital around twelve. I know the best restaurant around here."


    Agreeing, I immediately hung up. Until it entered 11.00 a.m, I immediately got ready to head to the hospital.


    Jeong Hoon was a caring person. All patients he handled would live with such concern. He also had soft facial contour and eyes that always exuded the warmth of spring. Even though he was a bit stiff, he was quite friendly in certain ways.


    When I was about to get out of the room, suddenly the intense pain in my head felt like a rock breaking my head. I squeezed my hair with both my hands firmly and slumped down slowly until it seemed like I felt nothing but a crush in my head.


    With the shaking legs, I tried to stand up and bring my body back to get some medicines that I put in my wardrobe.


    Opening the wardrobe and fumbling around, I reached for some medicine, then immediately drank it in a hurry.


    It took a few minutes until the pain subsided. I got up slowly, walking to the sink to wash my face from the tears and blood that came out. Then, I changed my clothes before heading to the hospital.


    On foot, the cold air stung my body, puncturing the cotton coat I was wearing.


    I walked weakly, without joy on my face, and just kept feeling sorry for myself until my tears dripped without me knowing it.


    From the bottom of my heart, I wanted to live any longer by enjoying time much longer; waiting for a miracle in our relationship for a new harmony like it used to be.


    But, I had suffered for three years, and now it made me almost give up on the complexities of adult romance. However, knowing love was also enough for me. At least, loving him made me understand more about the grace of love and the pain of being disrespected.

 Chapter 49 - Deciding To Do Surgery

    Du-Ho Hospital.


    When I arrived, Dr. Jeong was not in his room. He went to check on some patients and his assistant asked me to wait for a while.


    As promised, today we would have lunch together. But it didn''t match with what was planned due to a patient had chemotherapy scheduled this noon and it was an inevitable obligation. However, it didn''t matter. He was a doctor, a hope for those who were struggling for life.


    Feeling saturated, I walked while eying the entire room. Observing several objects such as a collection of books, medicines, until a photo tucked between books caught my attention.


    I pulled the photo out, observing two people in it. The guy on the left was Dr. Jeong himself, while another one beside him, it could be a friend or even his brother.


    Satisfied, I put the photo back in its place. I didn''t want to be even more impolite to tinker with Dr. Jeong''s personal belongings. He might no longer want to admit me as his patient.


    I grabbed one of his book collections, then read it on the small sofa near the cupboard to pass the time while waiting for Dr. Jeong, who had been away for a few hours ago. His assistant said that Dr. Jeong could spend several hours doing chemotherapy on his patient.


    It was quite a long time until I opened my eyes slowly and saw that Dr. Jeong was already in his room and sitting with a serious look while examining some of the diagnostic results on his desk.


    I immediately got up and exclaimed, "Huh, what time is it?!"


    Seemingly, I fell asleep in this room without realizing it. I touched my body and saw a black coat neatly wrapped on my body.


    "Ah, you wake up." Doctor Jeong smiled kindly as usual. "Calm down. It''s still five in the afternoon. I just finished chemotherapy on my patient a few minutes ago, and when I entered the room, I saw you were asleep. I didn''t want to bother you, so I don''t want to wake you up."


    I was stunned for a moment before asking, "But, the lunch?"


    A warm smile crossed his face. He then took off the glasses he was wearing, and said calmly, "I''m sorry about that. I forgot to tell you that I had some patients who want to do chemotherapy today. I''m so sorry. We can have lunch on another day. I''m not that busy on Thursdays. Maybe we can have lunch on that day if you''re not busy."


    It sounded disappointing, I replied with grit, "Hmm, if it''s the case, then it''s fine. You''re right. We can have lunch anytime if you have time."


    He just smiled, then continued his work, observing some of the sheets of paper.


    A few moments later, he asked me to do a CT scan to find out the growth of cancer cells in my brain. After resting a few minutes and hearing the young doctor''s explanations, I got up from the chair, putting the black coat on the sofa, and started walking toward the door. "I have to go directly."


    "Why are you in such a hurry? You want me to drive you home?" Dr. Jeong asked while approaching me. "Ah, doc, thank you. But, you don''t have to do that. You don''t have to bother yourself."


    "I''m not bothered at all. I have a few minutes to spare, so I took the initiative to drive you. That''s all."


    "Thank you. But, I''m okay." I was about to step out of the room, my hand was already touching the doorknob and was about to turn it, but something suddenly appeared in my head and stopped me. I turned to Dr. Jeong behind me. "Oh, one more thing. I almost forgot. I''ve decided to do the surgery. When can I start to do a check-up at a neurologist?"


    The statement instantly made Dr. Jeong dumbfounded. There was excitement flashed in his eyes. He embraced me unexpectedly and made me gasp in silence. He spoke happily, "Thank God, you finally wanted to break it off." Releasing his embrace, he continued, "I''ll contact the neurologist soon, then I''ll let you know as soon as I can. Come over in two days because you have to do the last check-up."


    I nodded and immediately left this place with a bitter smile on my face. There was a pain as faint as needles piercing my heart. Not because of the decision, but when I remembered that I had to fend for myself one more time, it was so painful and it felt the whole way until I got to the apartment.


    I hoped that this decision would be the right thing to fight for our relationship once again.


    I immediately entered the room, then took off the scarf and coat I was wearing. I felt exhausted today.


    "Hey, Park, where have you been? Why didn''t you pick up my call?" The sudden voice appeared when I was in the living room and took me by surprise.


    I turned around and saw Donghwa was sitting on the sofa with some papers on the table. It seemed that he kept his promise this time. It made me delighted.


    He stood up suddenly and shouted, "Answer me! Where have you been?! Why didn''t you pick up my call?!"


    I was silent for a moment. Hearing that question out loud over and over again, made me sigh in silence. "I''ve been in the hospital. I silenced my cell phone, so that''s why I didn''t hear your calls."


    His face immediately darkened and his eyes filled with obvious suspicion. "You don''t have another guy over there, do you?!"


    "What do you mean by ''another guy''? Stop being suspicious like that. I thought you''ve trusted me?"


    Hearing my words, he came closer to me and touched my arm. His voice grew gentler as he spoke, "I trust you. But, Hoonsik said, you barely go to the hospital. How could I not suspect you that there is someone who''s trying to tease you there?"


    Sighing, I replied, "You still order Hoonsik to watch over me? Please, stop it. He''s extremely swamped for such a thing. It''s not funny at all. Who wants to come to the hospital just to have an affair?"


    "..."


    "Donghwa, come on, I''m tired of repeating the same words. I''ve been in a relationship with you for many years. It''s quite difficult for me to start a new relationship with another guy. I''m not interested either."


    Even in my current condition, are you still thinking about something like that? suspecting me by your words? So annoying for what shouldn''t be!


    I just admired him as he had kept his promise by coming home early. But with such vague suspicion, it was as if he had tricked me with his words once again.


    However, unexpectedly, he suddenly pressed my lips with his. It wasn''t a kiss of affection from him but a kiss of intense anger and jealousy, which caused pain on my lips. He probably didn''t dare to hit me anymore so he could only do this.


    Startled, I immediately pushed his body away, wiping my lips with my hand. But, he violently pulled my face back and returned to give a harsh, painful kiss, which crept up my neck.


    After feeling satisfied, he finished with a sinister smile. He threw my face away, like licking candy and once he got bored, he threw it away like useless trash.


    "Stop going to the hospital. If you just have the flu or headache, don''t get used to taking the medicine. It''ll be addictive," he said, rubbing my lips with his thumb.


    I warded his hand, then walked to the room.


    Stop going to the hospital? Do you want me to die right away?


    Those were shocking words. How could such words leave his lips so easily? Had he never thought that such words would offend someone?


    After saying that heartbreaking thing, he chuckled again and said, "You always go to the hospital. What are you doing there? Do you have relatives that you have to visit there? Don''t make them feel tired of seeing you."


    Hearing the sentence, my eyes immediately widened. I stared at him with disbelief, and it made him stop laughing with a strange face. I paused when I heard his witty statement, then forced a smile. "Are you tired of me?"


    His expression turned shocked. He touched my arm and spoke sincerely, "Chunghee, it''s a joke. Don''t take it seriously, okay? I''m just trying to cheer you up."


    Trying to hold back my tears, I smiled in response to his words. It wasn''t difficult for me to deceive myself. I was quite used to faking everything about my feelings.


    I knew that those words were just a joke from him, but the question I asked him was a serious one, which I wanted to know the answer to.


    ''Is he tired of me?''


    ''Is it because of that he turned away from me?''


    ''Heh, it doesn''t matter if he looks for someone else who is more attractive out there. It pleases me.''

 Chapter 50 - "Freedom"

    I felt that our atmosphere was getting cold and stiff, so I tried to change the subject by saying, "Hmm, Donghwa, before we go to the stage, we better have dinner first."


    "Ah, yes, right. I have booked the most special place for someone who''s also special in my life." He touched my face with soothing tenderness.


    I smiled, then went to the bathroom to shower before preparing dinner. At least, he could keep his promise, it was acceptable enough for me. Coming home on time, he had given me hope for a better relationship in the future.


    ''Stay like that, keep your promise''. I never asked him to change one hundred percent in an instant. It would take time to do it slowly and I would gladly wait for him. By keeping his promise, it was a great start to start everything again.


    After dinner, we prepared to attend the musical stage tonight. Donghwa wore a black woolen suit with European-style shoes, which made him look so elegant tonight like a God in human clothes. His hair was neatly combed back, showing his stern face that was so charming as always. While I was wearing a silver coat with hair neatly combed with bangs that covered part of my forehead.


    I couldn''t look as elegant as him. It didn''t suit me, who always looked casual at any moment.


    We immediately got into the car and Donghwa immediately drove it.


    On the way, Donghwa drove at a medium speed and was very careful. I asked him not to rush as the stage was also going to start at 8:00 p.m, there was still half an hour left to arrive.


    Tonight was the first time for Donghwa and I went together as a busyness had made him not have much time lately. Either it was the truth or was it an excuse to trick me as I thought that he was a wolf in sheep''s clothing.


    I kept trying not to think about it, but my sicken had brought me one step closer to the saturation point in myself; which at any time could make me run away from all this pretense.


    However, as he had been better off lately, I was able to last a little longer, hoping that our old story which was full of good days could be repeated in the future.


    ''Stay like that''. I always asked the same thing inside as one more mistake could destroy our relationship.


    "Hey, Chunghee?" His voice was soft, breaking the air in silence.


    I turned to him, looking at him who still focused on the road. "What''s going on?"


    "You''re so handsome tonight." He smiled sincerely. His eyes fixed on the focal point radiated something warmth.


    With a smile, I replied, "You too."


    Praise? Is he praising me? Or is he just trying to please me from the words that hurt me earlier?


    I hoped he meant it. Not just an apology, so he tried to please me and forgive him.


    A few minutes later, we arrived at a hotel where the musician was about to make his second performance.


    The two of us immediately entered the lobby. I was about to buy a ticket, but Donghwa stopped me by showing me two golden tickets while smiling brightly. He said, "I told you that I booked the most special place for a special guy in my life."


    My face flushed instantly. Embarrassed to show my expression, I pretended to turn my eyes in a different direction.


    This was the first time he had acted like this in a long time. Even though it seemed strange and simple, he was able to smite my heart as if I fell in love for the second time.


    Or, could it be me who is easily persuaded?


    We immediately entered through the VIP door. Walking, there was a feeling of pride when I stepped together with him that I couldn''t hide on my face.


    When we were inside, we sat in a red chair with a golden yellow trim, which looked so fascinating and comfortable.


    I looked around, eying the people in this place. There were many politicals, business elites, conglomerates, and other prominent corporate officials. Judging by the facial features, some of them were from this country and others were from overseas.


    This was indeed a special place. The chairs as well as the people in this place confirmed my thoughts. It made me realize that the fantastic price was no joke for a golden ticket at this venue.


    After a few minutes, the show began. Everyone applauded loudly in appreciation for a reception.


    The musician was named Ailarde. A French blooded pianist. I truly like all the music he played since I watched his performance in Italy, such as Blue, Angeline, La Libert¨¦, la Douleur, and many more.


    In this performance, he played some of his famous songs. Every pause would be filled by an orchestra performance that was no less impressive, by getting warm applause from all the guests who attended this place.


    It was the moment I had been waiting for. The final performance from Ailarde, who would play a song entitled "La Libert¨¦", which meant "freedom".


    His performance was so stunning. La Libert¨¦ which he played seemed to make the listener feel the emotion that was channeled through each tonal stress on his fingers. By closing his eyes, he shared his emotions through the music. His hands were so adept at pressing every note of the music he played, to produce the soothing melodies.


    Stunned, I almost forgot to blink.


    The pianist''s last performance also closed the musical stage tonight.


    I turned to look at Donghwa beside me and was suprised to see him sleeping with his arms folded across his chest.


    "Hey, Donghwa, wake up. The show is over." In a soft, whispery voice, I tried to wake him up by touching his arm.


    He immediately opened his eyes and gasped in shock.


    Smiled, I asked him to go home. "Calm down, let me drive this time."


    He took a deep breath, then said with a smile, "Hey, no need. I fell asleep because the music was so boring, not because I was sleepy."


    "..."


    While in the parking lot, he hurriedly sat in the driver''s seat and immediately stepped on the gas pedal.


    I was stunned for a second. I just remembered that he didn''t like that kind of music and had a different taste in music than mine.


    My heart suddenly blushed. There was a sense of joy and shame that came together.


    Doesn''t it mean that he is doing it for me?


    The feeling of joy slowly turned into a hint of sadness. I had waited long enough for him to return to the way he used to be. Now he did, but I thought that I would only be able to enjoy his warmth for a short time. This sadness was like being stabbed by a sharp knife right in my heart so I couldn''t feel anything in this silence.


    Until Donghwa''s voice was heard, "Chunghee, wake up."


    As my consciousness gradually returned, the touches of my body made me feel amused. I opened my eyes carefully and saw that Donghwa was already on top of me.


    Seemingly, I fell asleep in the car and Donghwa led me into the apartment. It was embarrassing to imagine how Donghwa carried me while I was asleep.


    When Donghwa kissed my neck, I exclaimed, "What are you doing?!"


    Stopping, he then lifted his gaze, looked into my face closely, showing an obvious hope in his lustful eyes. He begged, "Let me do it tonight, please."


    I sighed heavily, feeling that he was compelling with soft words. I said, "Aren''t you tired? I''m tired. You haven''t rested all day either, have you? So, let''s do it next time."


    He chuckled. "No. I''ve already taken my rest at that place earlier. Even if it was a moment, it was enough for me."


    "But, I''m sleepy."


    He embraced my body tightly. The warmth of his eyes turned to disappointment. He then laid on my chest and replied, "Chunghee, let me do it. I want to do it now. I beg you."


    Feeling sorry, I stroked his head gently. "Hey, Donghwa, you know, I''m really happy tonight. Thank you for taking the time for me."


    He lifted his head, and said with pleasure to his voice, "Chunghee, it''s because I adore you. I''ll do anything for you."


    Then, he moved about to kiss my lips, but I immediately turned my face away to avoid his kiss. "I''ll let you do it, but just once."


    A soft smile was on his face, and it got wider after I let him do the intimacy he wanted. This was also a gift for him for taking time out for me tonight.


    I was delighted when he treated me well like this. If he had done it from the start, I might not have become what I was today and wouldn''t have to feel much hurt. But, it still felt wonderful, made me feel like I wanted to live a little longer. Unfortunately, I didn''t know, did I have much time left or what? Although I didn''t know when the death came, somehow a bad feeling about it had often crossed my mind. So, for the rest of my life, I wanted him to treat me like many years ago although I knew that he had another guy out there.

 Chapter 51 - Shocking Voice!

    When I woke up in the morning, I sat by the window, sipping a cup of hot chocolate that Donghwa made for me before he left for work.


    While staring at the scenery beyond the window, I couldn''t help but rubbing the ring on my finger gently.


    I smiled weakly. There was something good that had just happened between us and I was thinking about it all night long, which sometimes made me smile, and sometimes I wanted to cry.


    However, there was a hope that I wanted the most, which was how these good things could stand to the end. At least, holding on to this broken relationship after so much pain I had been through was a hard thing to do. But, if he could fight for our relationship, then there was no giving up for me.


    I wasn''t a religious person who was always devoted to worshiping God, but I always prayed to Him for my recovery. Sometimes I could also go crazy by asking for death to come to get me soon. It depended on how Donghwa wanted me to do for him and our relationship.


    In the afternoon after doing a check-up, I quickly returned and curled up in the blanket. I had turned on the heating, but I still felt cold in my heart and made me shiver. It kept repeating every day as if I lived in the dimension of the time loop.


    On a different day, after Dr. Jeong arranged an appointment with a Neurologist, I routinely had checkups there. Until the last checkup, the Neurologist decided to do surgery next week and asked me to prepare myself. Without refusal, I immediately agreed with him.


    Going out of the room, I stopped by Dr. Jeong''s room to tell him about the news.


    Inside the room, I sat on the small sofa, leaning against it languidly. "Doc, I''ll do the surgery next week."


    Dr. Jeong, who sat beside me was heard delighted as he replied, "Thank God. So, have you told about this to your family?"


    Hearing his words, I smiled bitterly. I couldn''t help but have to tell Donghwa about this thing today. I nodded slowly. "I''m going to tell him today."


    "Huh? So, you''ve never told your family all this time?"


    I nodded my head weakly. I was tired of covering up everything again. I was tired of lying.


    "It''s hard to believe," while saying, Dr. Jeong sighed heavily.


    I knew that it might be heard strange to him, but that was how it was. All this time I lived with my partner but always felt alone and stupidly, I stuck with this kind of relationship with the hope that our relationship could still be fixed.


    I glanced at Dr. Jeong secretly and saw how his face painted a gentle smile. Even though my words had taken him a little by surprise, there was satisfaction that flashed through his eyes.


    "Dr. Jeong, a few days ago I found a photo tucked in your bookcase. I was curious about the photo, so I took it out to see it. Sorry," I explained, breaking the silence.


    Dr. Jeong turned to me before he reached out to take a book where was the photo in. He showed it to me while saying, "You mean, this?"


    I nodded my head.


    Dr. Jeong stared at the photo with such a deep feeling in his eyes as if it had precious memories appeared in his mind. "This photo was taken about seven years ago. He is my older brother. Cancer sufferer, just like you."


    The words instantly stunned me with surprise.


    Dr. Jeong continued and there was a gloom stuck in his throat as he explained, "You know, the reason why I became an Oncologist, was because I wanted to treat him. But, a year after the photo was taken ¡ª a year after I graduated from the university ¡ª he died. And from then on, I am decided to do what I can so that everyone who goes through the same thing doesn''t end up like my brother. Although it is very difficult to do so, it also doesn''t discourage me."


    I didn''t give any response after hearing that bitter story. But, I empathized with him and didn''t expect if someone like Dr. Jeong to have such a heartbreaking story.


    However, the thing I didn''t expect the most, was that he wanted to tell me about his past story. It was hard to imagine if someone as rigid as him would open up to me.


    I looked at the clock that was on Dr. Jeong''s desk which showed 4:30 p.m. Time flew so fast.


    I got up from the chair carefully. "Hmm, I have to come back." I then stood up and took my coat.


    "Wait!" Dr. Jeong approached me when I was about to open the door. "After the surgery, you will do radiotherapy, then chemotherapy."


    Smiling, I replied briefly, "Yes, I know, doc," paused for a moment, I asked, "Oh um, how long will the post-surgery recovery process take, doc?"


    "Ah, that''s the decision of the Neurologist. It also depends on how your condition after post-surgery. But, usually not more than two weeks."


    I only showed a weak smile after hearing the words and immediately left this place without saying anything.


    Hearing Dr. Jeong''s explanation, I thought that I would have a long recovery. However, it didn''t matter. This was a choice that I had chosen and I must go through it without complaining.


    On the way, I felt exhausted. This was unusual. I didn''t know if the weather was pretty bad today or because of the many things I was thinking about right now.


    A few moments later, after walking quite a distance, I arrived and immediately went up to my apartment.


    I hurried toward the door, feeling like my feet had just been hit by a hammer. It hurt so much, spreading all over my body.


    However, before I opened the door, I heard something that made me feel as though I wanted to die today immediately.


    "Brother Lee, you haven''t come to me for several months. You also never want to pick up my calls. I''ve been patient all this time, but now I can''t stand it anymore because I don''t get any news from you!"

 Chapter 52 - Caught In The Act!

    "I''ve been patient for three years and never complained about anything. It''s because you never ignore me before!"


    Suddenly I remembered about Daehyun''s words a few months ago where he had heard the news that Donghwa was in a relationship with his assistant, and the thing that surprised me the most was his concubine seemed to come to my house bravely without fear that his main wife would catch him like this.


    I knew that Donghwa was in a relationship with someone else long ago before Daehyun even said it. However, what didn''t cross my mind at all was knowing that he had been in a relationship with someone else for three years.


    I knew that he was screwed a lot of people out there ¡ª business matters or indeed because to fulfill his lust. But, I never knew that he would stand in his relationship with another person out there. I wonder, did he share his affection to that man? He must be precious for him. Donghwa would never approach and maintain something if it meant nothing to him.


    I felt like I wanted to burst out laughing ¡ªlaughing at how his man was heard crying while saying his words. Abandoned for several months, and he had been crying like that? For me, it didn''t hurt as much as I hurt. After you had been in a relationship for many years and exchanged sweet promises, until at the last second, someone you loved declared a declaration of war, the pain was something you would never imagine.


    Donghwa was good at hiding his relationship with someone else for several years, but he wasn''t smart enough to remove the evidence of his rotten behavior out there.


    I didn''t want to hear any longer and just stand like an idiot out here. If Donghwa could lie to me for three years, then I could do more than that. With courage, I immediately opened the door and prepared to face a pain that would hurt my heart deeper.


    As soon as the door opened, Donghwa and a twenty-five years old young man immediately turned towards the door, looking at me with shocked eyes. Donghwa''s eyes widened open and suddenly turned pale as if his blood had stopped running down his face, while the young man froze for a moment with a restrained cry before handing out a brown envelope to Donghwa, then running out past me.


    I was sure that the young man was his affair who also had the same fate as me.


    When the door closed with a loud sound, Donghwa and I stared at each other in a long silence. Donghwa still looked surprised in front of me. He always seemed about to talk, but failed because of anxiety, while I tried to look calm as if I didn''t know anything while asking, "Who is he? Why is he crying? Are you chiding your employee again?"


    Donghwa was still mum. He kept silent like a cat that had just been caught stealing fish.


    I was stunned for a moment, then walked passing him, pretending to be angry about something else. "You''re too much. You shouldn''t act arbitrarily towards your employee. He''s still a kid, you should know that."


    I knew these were just stupid words to fool myself. I just wanted to minimize the pain of what my senses had just caught.


    Before I entered the bedroom, Donghwa suddenly grabbed my wrist. I immediately turned to look at him and showed a made-up confused expression. I asked, "What''s wrong?"


    Donghwa was silent for a long time, so I said firmly, "What''s the matter? Do you want to apologize? If you want to apologize for what you did, please apologize to the young man who you just chided. Not to me."


    "You ... are you angry?" Donghwa asked haltingly.


    "What do you mean? Is my face unclear in your eyes? I''ve told you several times that I have ...," Without being able to continue my words, I looked at his face which looked full of anxiety and fear. I suddenly realized that I was spoiling him too much even now, but maybe this was the last time for me to do this. Taking a quiet breath, I asked in a slightly calmer tone, "Do you have a problem?"


    Waiting a few seconds but didn''t get any answer from him, I sighed heavily. I let go of his grip, then said in a casual tone, "You came back from Daejeon very early."


    Finally, he replied, "I have no reason to linger at work," paused a moment, he asked, "Where have you been? I was looking for you when I came back. I also tried to contact you but you didn''t pick up my calls."


    I smiled. It wasn''t that I was happy, but I felt disappointed. Supposedly on this chance, he would admit his mistake, but in fact, he didn''t want to do it. What a shame!


    "Come here, I just bought apples candied," he said as he walked to the dining table by pulling my arm to come with him.


    The two of us sat with apples candied in front of us. Now and then, he fed me, but I immediately stopped him because it seemed weird at our age. I was no longer interested in something like that, plus what I just witnessed today, made the apple I just swallowed up like a poison that would kill me.


    Wiping my lips with a tissue, I was stunned before muttering with a bitter smile, "Donghwa, I''m sick ...."


    He was startled instantly and grabbed my hand immediately. "Which part? Tell me ... Should I call the doctor?!"


    Looking at him with worry on his face, it seemed useless. The obvious truth lingered on and shattered my remaining faith. It had given me a choice and convinced me to find the next step.


    Initially, today I wanted to tell Donghwa that I would have surgery next week, but my heart was completely broken and I didn''t care anymore if he didn''t have to know about this.


    "Chunghee, don''t play around."


    I enjoyed the apples candied on the table. Chuckled, it wasn''t because I saw the deceived expression from him, but there was a deep sadness in my heart that I couldn''t cry anymore.


    My words weren''t deceptive at all. I was truly sick and it wasn''t a lie. It was just that hiding the truth like this had become my routine and covered everything was indeed the best way.

 Chapter 53 - Am I Okay?

    "By the way, who was that young man? Why did he cry like that?" I asked calmly while enjoying the apples candied. "Do you always treat your employees like that at work?"


    Lee Donghwa slightly lowered his gaze and could only apologize in a low voice without answering my question first, so I said, "Why are you apologizing to me? I told you that you shouldn''t apologize to me, but to that kid. Apologize to him tomorrow or do I need to do it for you?"


    "Chunghee ...." Donghwa lifted his eyes, gazing at me with a complicated gaze that I couldn''t understand, whether it was guilt or fear. He took my hand, held it tightly, and said deeply, "Chunghee, do you love me?"


    Hearing that question, I looked straight at him. I was reluctant to admit my feelings anymore, but what could I do? He was as if forcing me to do it. "Sure, so what?"


    "Then tell me that you love me. I want to hear it more clearly," Donghwa said. He raised his eyebrows, expressing how pathetic he was.


    Taking a deep breath, I replied, "I love you. Now, tell me, what happened?"


    Lee Donghwa smiled with satisfaction, there was relief in his teary eyes before he spoke in a deep voice that almost whispered, "I love you too. If I have something wrong with you, please forgive me. I beg you."


    Frowning, I asked, "Why do you say that?"


    "I ... I just want you to forgive me ... then I won''t repeat the same mistakes ...."


    Paused for a moment, I asked, "What''s your mistake? Then I will forgive you. How can I forgive you if I don''t know your mistake?"


    In my heart, I kept asking him to be honest, saying about the affair. I swore to myself that if he said the truth, then I would withdraw all the words that I had said in my heart previously. I would forgive him and I could pretend that nothing happened.


    However, I waited quite a while but he didn''t say a word. He turned out to be even more cowardly than I thought. He was tall half a head away from me, manly, but completely distant from what we saw and how he acted, where he was violent, emotional, jealousy, possessive, and manipulative. So, I understood how he was.


    Since it was already late in the afternoon, I stood up, left Donghwa who was still silent at the dining table, and started preparing dinner.


    After dinner, Donghwa stood by the window smoking a cigarette while I sat on the bed. I opened a book but didn''t read it. Only looking at the writing with misty eyes, where I didn''t realize my tears were running down my face. The pain as soon as I remembered the incident this afternoon truly felt all over my body. It truly hurt more than before.


    I quickly closed the book, then immediately wiped my eyes that were filled with tears, holding them back from tearing up more profusely, but in vain. I didn''t want Donghwa to notice my crying, but he already knew it as he heard my groaning.


    "Chunghee! What''s wrong?" Donghwa exclaimed, coming to me immediately. He sat beside me and embraced my body while stroking my hair gently. "Honey, say it, what''s wrong? Why are you crying?"


    I unconsciously embraced his body tightly, as if he would leave me and go with someone else. I was scared and cried hysterically.


    "Honey, it''s enough. Don''t cry anymore. Are you sick? Stomach ache? Headache? Tell me, don''t make worry," Donghwa persuaded.


    I was angry, and I was angry because of him.


    I was hurt, it was also because of him.


    I was crying, it was because I was hoping him, to tell me the truth but he fell silent.


    I wanted him to be honest, but why is it so hard for him?


    Is it because he was afraid that I would leave him?


    How can I leave him after what we''ve been through?


    He exactly didn''t know himself. He was good at managing the company, but not good at taking care of his lover. He didn''t even know how I felt; why I was crying; why was I resigning; and what were the medical drugs for? He was a gullible person. Or, is he indeed an apathetic person?


    I wasn''t the type to be straightforward, he should have known that for a long time ago. But, why had he never taken the initiative to find out the truth of my feelings all this time?


    He had said that he would never let me down, and now he just did it ¡ª even many times.


    Alright, now I''ll shut up ...


    With great effort, I tried to string the words, "It''s ... It''s been a long time since I visit my grandma''s grave. I don''t know, why I miss her a lot lately," paused for a moment, I lifted my head, staring at him with hazy eyes. "Donghwa, what''s wrong with me? Why do I always miss someone who have died lately? Am I okay?"


    By saying those words, Donghwa immediately tightened his embrace even more. "Chunghee, please don''t scare me. You will be fine. Nothing will happen to you."


    His words might not be a lie. I could hear his heart pounding as soon as he said the words.


    "Honey, go to sleep. You''re just tired today," he continued.


    Donghwa helped me to lie down. Next to me, he was staring at me with a warm smile on his face, caressing mine gently. I could see that beauty long enough to fall asleep.


    The next morning, Donghwa wasn''t in the apartment. The bed was tidy, but he left a letter on the bedside table.


    "Honey, I left early, but I''ll be back at dinner."


    After what had happened already, I couldn''t feel anything at those words. It tasted bland, or it was me who was numb already?


    I walked to the bathroom, then came out a few minutes later. Spending time alone was truly bad, I probably didn''t need to resign from the company, but I already did it and I would never return there and would keep holding my feelings here.

 Chapter 54 - Sobs That I Kept Hiding

    Du-Ho Hospital.


    I walked towards the Neurologist room. As the room was on the fifth floor, before going up, I took the time to come to Dr. Jeong''s room. From a distance, I saw two men dressed neatly all in black, standing at the door of the doctor''s office. With a big and strong body wrapped in a coat, they almost covered the entire door.


    It seemed that there was a conglomerate that was experiencing the same fate as me.


    ''Sick indeed doesn''t look at who you are, what your position is, and also how much money you have. It will come if you don''t care about yourself.''


    I was good at expressing such dramatic things, but not good at doing it for real.


    Thinking that Dr. Jeong was busy, I decided to wait and sit on the bench in front of the room.


    A few minutes after waiting outside, the assistant from Dr. Jeong came out of the room and was surprised when she saw me sitting in front of the door. "Mr. Park, why don''t you come in?"


    I frowned, feeling confused when I heard her say that. I asked, "Isn''t there someone doing a check-up?"


    The nurse smiled. "No one, sir. Please come in."


    There was a brief pause in confusion before I got up to meet Dr. Jeong in his room. But, after passing through those big guards, my body suddenly stiffened. "Huh!"


    I gasped as if I had stopped breathing. My eyes suddenly widened open, like they tore the corners of my eyes when I saw someone who was with Dr. Jeong right now. He looked at me with a deep feeling in his dark eyes.


    I was about to run out of this room, but that person, who also looked so surprised when he saw me, immediately grabbed my wrist and pulled me into his deep embrace. It took my breath away, plus a tremendous sense of disbelief.


    "Chunghee ... I miss you. Why are you so mean to me?"


    The voice sounded the same as he had said my name from the first time we met. There was a warmth combined with sadness that was evident in the tone of his deep voice.


    In this person''s embrace, I could feel every breath in his lungs and could hear the rhythm of his heartbeat which seemed to be pumping, chasing each other along with his soft breathing.


    I spoke in a voice that almost whispered, "Daehyun, let me go. Don''t embarrass me in front of Dr. Jeong."


    This man ... Why didn''t I recognize him before?


    I never thought that he would come to see me in this place. All this time, I thought that he hated me or even cursed me, and didn''t want to look at my face for ignoring him all this time, like someone who had no pity.


    However, today ... he came with an obvious worry on his face. "You don''t even want to answer my calls. If you don''t want to see me or hear my voice, at least reply to all my messages. I just want to know how you''re doing ... that''s all."


    Even though I didn''t see his face, I could feel a feeling of anger muffled by happiness.


    My eyes swept over to Dr. Jeong. Seeing him who was sitting while observing the several pieces of paper in his hand; acting like he didn''t care, but I knew that it was a pretense. The paper was only diverting his attention from the embarrassing men in front of him, which might have disturbed his comfort at this time.


    "Daehyun, let me go. We''ll talk after I do my last check-up."


    There was a pause for a few seconds before Daehyun took his arm away from me. A warm smile radiated the beauty of spring, and his two eyes were a calm sea. It gave me a spiritual zeal.


    Smiling, he agreed.


    I talked to Dr. Jeong, "Um, I was going to talk to you about the surgery, doc, but it doesn''t seem like the right timing. So, maybe another time."


    He smiled as usual before saying, "Don''t push yourself too much and don''t forget to take your medicine regularly, sir. Good luck."


    After talking briefly with Dr. Jeong. Daehyun and I immediately went to the fifth floor, where the nerve room was.


    In there, I rushed to the nursing bed, lying on while awaiting further instructions. Daehyun sat beside me with the same expression, smiling heartily. However, looking at his smile, it was like cutting my feelings which hurt even more at the same time because of the guilt for ignoring him all this time.


    I turned my gaze towards the Neurologist who prepared some medical kits for checking blood pressure, HB, and others. Since this was my last check-up before doing surgery, the doctor needed to make sure a lot of things to confirm that I was ready for the surgery.


    A few minutes later ...


    I got up after doing the check-up. Waiting for the results a few minutes, the doctor stated that I was ready to do the surgery next week.


    Daehyun smiled with satisfaction.


    I was lucky enough to meet him this afternoon. With his presence here, I could feel the loveliness when I was completely at the lowest point of emptiness.


    When we walked out of the hospital, Daehyun grabbed my hand immediately, ignoring the people around who occasionally glanced at us.


    I tried to get my hand out, but it was futile. He held it too hard and I was helpless.


    Without turning around, from the corner of my eye, I saw a faint smile was also etched on his face, which was pale due to the cold air that blew. So beautiful and made my ears flushed. I admired the beauty for a moment, but I didn''t want to dissolve and have to hurt him one more time. It was enough to ignore him. It already made me feel guilty even more.


    A black limousine was parked by the side of the road, then another big man came out and opened the rear door ¡ª politely welcoming us.


    The two of us immediately got in, and the car drove off with several other cars following behind. They were the bodyguards of the young master in the Kim Family, Kim Daehyun.


    I wasn''t surprised at all. Being surrounded by big men who were ready to protect him, was normal in the Kim family. They ¡ª the people in that family ¡ª were notable and respected.


    "Chunghee, why are you avoiding me? I know that you rejected me. But, can''t I approach you like before? Aren''t we friends since long ago? Just think of me like that ... as your childhood friend ¡ª I don''t mind at all. But, please don''t ignore me. It ... it makes me ... I don''t like it."


    Instantly I turned to him. Looking at his face, there was something that described a painful feeling from his heart. It confirmed that he meant it with his words about "I ignored him".


    I paused, then looked away silently, not daring to say anything. Bowing down, I hid the guilt that was evident on the look on my face.


    "I was really worried about you. I thought, after resigning, you would focus on your recovery but ... you lied to me ... I was mad at you. I''m really mad right now. But, I can''t show it to you."


    I was surprised after hearing those words and turned back to look at him. I asked carefully, "How do you know?"


    Daehyun looked at me, feeling sad, happy, angry, all mingled into one in his shady eyes. "It''s because you ignored my messages as well as my calls, so I decided to see the doctor who was in charge of you at that time, and asked how you are. But, the answer made me piss off ... I''m mad, Chunghee. I''m mad."


    My eyes widened open at once and looked away immediately. I couldn''t bear to look at his face any longer!


    My sadness had accumulated in my heart and was visible on my face. I bowed my head and hoped that every single tear that fell would also drain away all my sorrows.


    However, not at all. It grew even more, when Daehyun, who realized that I was crying, suddenly embraced my body and made my cry become sobs that I kept hiding.

 Chapter 55 - Today Was The Right Time

    His hands were still on my body, embracing me warmly. His fingers squeezed my shoulder, producing a comfortable feeling that made me feel safe. While my hands were currently clenched tightly in front of my body, I was about to get rid of his hands but I couldn''t do that. I felt comfortable in this man''s arms even for a moment. My hand even refused to be ordered by its master.


    Now and then, the sound of sobs that I was hiding heard softly on my trembling lips, then I tried to hold it in my dry throat. Biting my lip, I hoped that this time my voice wasn''t heard.


    After hearing his answer, I couldn''t say anything, other than to keep crying even though I didn''t want to.


    I couldn''t describe how I felt right now. What do I feel? Why am I crying like this? Everything was mixed up in my chest.


    All the feelings were as if became one which I couldn''t tell the difference. I loved both of them, but the affection was different for them. I loved Donghwa as my lover, and I loved Daehyun as he was my friend long ago. It couldn''t be changed unless God did it.


    Two feelings for two different men had blinded me from my own feelings.


    A few minutes later, we arrived right under my apartment. I immediately came out while wiping my tears using the sleeve of the coat I was wearing.


    For a moment, I looked into Daehyun''s eyes that were radiating a genuine concern, then left without saying anything.


    Before I opened the door, I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.


    I opened the door slowly, took a little peek to confirm Donghwa''s presence in the room. Feeling sure that he wasn''t here, I immediately went in and took off the scarf I was wearing.


    I didn''t mean to hide and sneak around like a thief. It was just that I didn''t want him to see my eyes reddened by the tear marks earlier.


    However, a few minutes while I was inside, he also came over with the same facial expression as before ¡ª a face that was full of anger at every corner.


    He returned to be a stranger!


    I turned around briefly and was about to go into the bedroom to change my clothes. But immediately he grabbed my wrist so roughly that I hit his broad chest hard.


    I lifted my face, looked at him who was gritting his teeth in front of me with anger in his eyes. I said weakly, "Donghwa, it-it hurts ... let it go, please."


    His cold face was getting creepy. The glint in his eyes also showed his increasingly burning anger. "Do you think it''s funny?! I thought that you didn''t have anything to do with that Kim?!"


    I could only sigh hard when I heard the same misunderstanding of him. I was about to step away, not willing to explain the same thing and ignore him, yet he immediately pulled my arm back more roughly than before.


    I, who was getting more and more furious, said firmly, "Stop being suspicious of me! I''m sick of¡ª"


    A humming sound was heard before I finished my words!


    The slap seemed to stick to my face, leaving a wide scar on my feelings. It made me fall on the floor to almost kiss it.


    I only raised my voice a little, but he went this far. Then, what about him? When he got angry would always be rude to me every time ... he didn''t even think about it or even never at all.


    By holding back my tears, I glared at his dark, angry face and sat down carefully on the sofa to calm myself down.


    "If you reason that he just drove you home, then fine ... no problem. I can accept it. But, do you have a good reason why are you two holding hands like that, huh?! You don''t have any reason? Good ... good ... hahaha very good! Fuck off! You damn old slut! I just want to pick you up, but what I saw there was really amazing!" His tone was still at a high intonation with incredible rudeness.


    Many questions suddenly appeared in my head. How could he know? Where did he see me? In the hospital? Did he go to the hospital? However, all the questions were distracted by his harsh words, which seemed heartless. It hit my heart that already wounded.


    At this time, He wasn''t only slapping my physique, but also my heart that was feeling intense pain.


    "Donghwa, w-why did you say that to me? T-that ... t-that ...." I couldn''t continue what I wanted to say. The pain made my tears stop my lips from talking.


    After calming down, I looked at him with disbelief and sorrow, then spoke in a trembling voice, "Donghwa ... I-I told you ... don''t make me regret it ¡ª never."


    It was just useless words. now, he made me regret everything that I had done. He never listened to me and had not completely changed at all!


    I stood up immediately, then took my scarf back and walked towards the door.


    I never chose to leave him, but he asked me. And now, it was the right time to leave!


    "So now you want to go to his side, huh?! Do you think I''m going to chase you?! You take one more step, so don''t ever expect that I will chase you! Don''t expect me to open the door for you when you come back!"


    I immediately stopped, then turned around and shouted, "You think that I will come back for you again?!" There was a smile of hostility at the end of my words.


    He thought after I left, I would come back to him again? This was the right time to prove that I could rebel against the rules.


    He never truly understood the situation and thought that it was bluff!


    "You think that I will come back and beg for your forgiveness?! Never! This is the last time for me." Taking a deep breath, I continued in a cold tone, "From now on, we break up. May you be happy with someone else."


    It was truly the most painful thing, which had only happened in our relationship all these years. It felt like thousands of needles were being threatened at once in the same place, in my heart, perpetually without mercy.


    "You! Stop your stupid words! If you dare to step your foot out, just remember that I won never chase you or even want to open the door for you when you regret it! I mean it!"


    Did he threaten me? Does he think that I''m just bluffing him? It''s a joke that won''t make me laugh!


    "No need! You know what ... I wanted to be with you any longer, but you seemed to force me to leave ... it''s enough, Brother Lee ... it''s enough." I couldn''t hold the pain in my heart and made my voice choked in the throat. "I''ve ever said that one day, you have to give me a choice and now, you already gave me. I appreciate it. Thank you for the answer."


    He burst out laughing before saying, "Okay then, please go. Go away! I know that you don''t love me anymore. Go to your Kim side. He can guarantee your life, better than me! Get the fuck out of my house right now!"


    I smirked. "Sure. With my pleasure."


    Finishing my words, his face that was red slowly turned pale, and anxiety gradually appeared in his sharp eyes, then turned soft.


    He just kept staring at me with his mouth slightly open. His face showed a complicated expression, which couldn''t be explained.


    However, now I wasn''t someone who would care about something like that anymore.


    I gave him too many chances but he didn''t take advantage to fix everything. I pretended to be strong all this time, but he still couldn''t find the truth of my feelings. Why did I change? Why do I rarely spoil him? Why am I being indifferent towards him?


    However, when I felt that he had changed, it didn''t last long. He turned to possessiveness and excessive stubbornness, which he himself was unable to control at once.


    It''s enough. This is my last choice.


    If I didn''t do this now, then there was no such thing as another time for me.


    I immediately left without looking at him at all, leaving all the good things where we built in that place, and bringing the pains.


    He said certainty that he wouldn''t come after me, and I was sure that he wouldn''t stop me this time. It made me believe that he had been a different person all this time. But, apart from the sadness and pain in my heart, I was grateful that he would never chase someone like me, who just kept crying and looked weak in front of him.


    It would be better if he was with the young man at that time, who was also his current lover. With me, this relationship would still end in a breakup and he would only feel hurt if I had to die in his arms.

 Chapter 56 - The First Snow In Winter

    A few minutes walking through the cold air, I arrived at a bus station and sat on a bench.


    This place was so quiet in the afternoon. There was only me with my feelings right now.


    I lowered my head and accidentally saw the ring that was tightly wrapped around my finger, and unconsciously stroked it. I was like seeing sweet memories in it, which were shattered into tragic hopes.


    I kept staring at it, with my head repeating my past story. It made me smile and cry at the same time.


    At that time, I gave him this ring as a surprise on Christmas Eve seven years ago. I remembered, he cried at that time ¡ª he cried for me ¡ª because at that time, we were nothing and we were still at the lowest point.


    After the recent complicated and painful things, I had no regrets to leave him. Even though I loved him ¡ª even at this time ¡ª he seemed to be forcing me to leave. It was good that I wouldn''t cry over anyone again.


    Has he ever imagined our time together all these years? Or has he forgotten those all?


    contempt, insulting, and invective from the people, does he remember those painful things? Does he remember before we had anything like today?


    How sad!


    I lifted my face, gazing at the cloudy sky without its bright blue color with foggy eyes, without the sun which was reflecting the bright warm light. I smiled bitterly.


    The air was extremely cold here, but it couldn''t be compared to my current heart that was already frozen to death with a lot of wounds ¡ª that had probably endured too much sorrow all this time.


    Still gazing up at the sky, sweet and bitter memories flashed into my mind that I couldn''t control, like an excessive and bittersweetness that poisoned me. I felt happy but hurt at the same time.


    So painful. Donghwa''s words were like a meteor hitting the earth. There was a sense of disbelief, but it was surprising me that it was the truth that had happened, where he had just said the most devastating thing; lingering in my mind, and either time would erase, or even engraved on my head as a reminder that the day when "two people who used to love each other must leave each other".


    Without expecting it, the snow fell. Falling slowly, touching my lashes. It melted because of a tear. I rubbed my wet eyes, forcing a smile to suppress this sadness.


    This was the first snow after autumn. It meant that winter was coming at the end of this year. It wouldn''t be late ¡ª even it arrived early and leave longer.


    However, the day that we should have given warmth to each other must fade away and there would never be in the future. It wouldn''t return and I would never allow it to come back.


    I loved Donghwa so deeply, but couldn''t be with him to the end. It was because he let all this happen.


    This profound feeling, deeper than ever only made me sink into the new wounds countless times.


    Suddenly amidst the silence, the sound of the phone ringing brought me back from my current thoughts. I took the cell phone out of my coat pocket and looked at the caller ID. It was Donghwa.


    My hands suddenly trembled. It wasn''t because of the cold air in this place, but sadness, anger, and disappointment, that suddenly gathered in the same place.


    Now, after he said such cruel things, why did he have to call me back?


    Has he forgotten that I am as stubborn as he is? Didn''t he know how hard it was to keep giving in all this time by holding my stubbornness? Why did he have to call me back?


    Since I ignored his calls several times, two messages came in a few seconds'' pause.


    "Chunghee, where are you? I''ll get you there. I may have gone too far earlier, so after you''re here, we can have a good talk about this thing. Then tell me, where are you now?"


    "It''s snowing. Don''t you like to eat beef bone soup in winter? I''ll make it for you. If you don''t want to talk about it now, then it''s fine. Don''t be scared, I won''t do anything. I promise. Let''s make up."


    Reading the two messages from him made me smile bitterly and sadness moved into my eyes immediately. Without thinking any further, I turned off my cell phone and decided to never contact him again. I was going to disappear until he thought that I was dead.


    Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I wanted to be like people who would be together until the end. Spending hard and happy times when they were young and finding serenity in old age.


    Even now, I had not been open up about my true condition. However, I would never get the chance ¡ª he never gave me a chance to say it ¡ª and I didn''t care anymore.


    Now, all the painful incidents during this time were summed up in my mind. It made me lose my enthusiasm for living this life and left behind despair, which seemed to be increasing every second.


    The repressed disappointment finally hit my chest with great force.


    After a few minutes passed, waiting for a long time at a bus station, a bus stopped in front of me. I went in and sat on the back seat. The bus sped up, taking me away with my feeling.


    I bowed helplessly, rubbed the ring gently on my finger, and asked myself, "Is this the end of all?"


    I kept repeating the same question over and over. I knew that by asking that question, no one would give me an answer, even if it was myself. I also felt quite clearly that the question brought pain to my chest. It was like tearing out my throat.


    In this sadness, my lips unconsciously muttered his name softly, as if it was my last strength to say his name for the last time, "Donghwa ...."


    Holding my cell phone tightly, finally, my tears rolled back, falling and wetting my hands. It felt so cold as if it came out by the strong urge of my frozen heart.


    Suddenly, a middle-aged woman, around forty-fifty years old, asked beside me, "Young man, are you okay?"


    I immediately wiped my tears and showed a smile that was so forced, "Ah, ma''am, sorry, I''m fine. Thank you for asking."


    The middle-aged woman smiled sincerely, then spoke in a soothing softness, "You know, everyone is going to have a difficult time in their life. If someone says that he has never had a hard time, then that is a big lie in his life. He is not only lied to the people, but he had lied to himself."


    I was momentarily stunned. What she said was the truth and I could feel it. I repeatedly lied to the people and didn''t care if I had to lie to myself at once.


    "I know that adversity will make us angry and sad. But, we can''t keep indulging in that sadness to cry. It only makes us fall deeper into that sadness. So, to get out of that feeling, we have to find new pleasures or find new people. It won''t take you out immediately, but time will slowly erase them. Don''t forget that time is like water. It can''t be held but it can erode solid rock. Likewise with our feelings. Time can change it. You just have to endure the pain a little longer."


    Hearing her words, I just kept on smiling without saying anything. My throat which had been hurt a long time ago because of a cry couldn''t make me say anything and just swallowed up everything.


    her words were true. But, can a person who was trapped in deep feelings like me be helped by time?


    I never thought that I would stand in these deep feelings which hurt me.


    Through the hour, the bus stopped at the next station. The middle-aged woman smiled. She touched my shoulder gently before we parted as if she was trying to cheer me up with her touch, and then the bus started back immediately.


    All along the way, I just kept contemplating, staring out the window sadly. There was a lot of sadness that I suppressed, and it really made a disappointment drained many tears.


    I only need to be alone where I wanted to be with all this sadness and disappointment. Even though dying alone, was better than had to die in front of someone I still loved but he kept giving me the pain from the feeling of loving him. It would hurt both of us even more.


    I only needed to calm myself down in that place. I didn''t want to cry or be sad while there was still time left. I hoped that there would be things that leave happiness for me so that I could smile at death without bringing any wounds.


    That''s all I want ...


    ***

 Chapter 57 - Lee Donghwa: Karma From The Past

    Standing by the window, my thoughts as if drove me crazy. After our argument, I kept feeling worried about thinking of Chunghee, who just went away. His face even looked earnest as if he had planned this for a long time. I didn''t think that he would take seriously of my words when I told him to go. Didn''t he know that such words were just phrases to bluff him? I didn''t really want him to comply.


    Why are you always taking my words so seriously, Chunghee?


    I kept pushing myself to think that it was just his bluffing like that time, so I tried to hold myself back from chasing him, intending to teach him a lesson.


    This afternoon, when I asked Hoonsik about Chunghee''s whereabouts, he said that Chunghee was in the hospital with someone else. It truly made me angry without asking the identity of that person first. So, as soon as the meeting was over, I rushed to the hospital and planned to pretend that I wanted to pick him up without telling him first. But, what I saw there truly made my anger explode twofold. I didn''t think that he would come out of the hospital with Kim Daehyun, the son of a wealthy businessman, by holding hands.


    But, besides that, I also realized that I was doing things that I shouldn''t have done. I should be able to control my anger and ill-treatment and have a good talk with Chunghee.


    Suddenly, the incident of a few days ago flashed through my mind. I wonder, ''does he get carried away when he catches someone nagging at me so he doesn''t hesitate to leave? Did he hear my conversation with Sunyeon at that time? Is he angry about that?''


    However, from his expression, he looked fine and calm, unlike someone who had just caught his husband cheating on someone else. Then, how come? Am I the one who really doesn''t know him?


    Many years had passed, and I felt like I knew him better than anyone. However, it seemed I misjudged and prided myself as the one who knew him the most. Now, I realized that I didn''t know anything about him.


    I''m stupid!


    Thinking about this, I felt like my head was going to explode.


    Chunghee usually wouldn''t run away from home no matter how I scolded or accused him. Even if he ran away, he wouldn''t truly leave and only bluff me. But, today, he really scared me.


    Besides I didn''t think that Chunghee would come when that little slut came and asked me to come back to him, I also kept thinking about what had I done to him earlier. Even more stupid, I just realized how much time I had and I had probably missed a lot of good things during this time, and it truly made me regret it.


    Thinking about that, I raised my hand, looked at my hand that had already hit his face, and a wave of sudden great anger erupted in my heart. I was about to punch the window but suddenly stopped before doing it. So, I just clenched my fists tightly, trying to suppress the anger. After all, Chunghee often sat here and stared out the window, he would be even angrier if he found that the window was broken because of me.


    I truly wanted to cut off my own hand as I felt so sorry.


    In these two hours, I had finished half a pack of cigarettes while waiting for Chunghee to reply to my messages, but it looked like he was really angry that he didn''t want to reply to them.


    There were many things that made me worry. What if he does leave me? What if he went to that person''s side? As soon as those questions popped into my head, I felt furious with myself as if I wanted to destroy the whole house. Fortunately, I was able to hold back myself for now.


    As I couldn''t take it anymore, I decided to go to find Chunghee out there. I was sure that he wouldn''t be far away from any distance other than in the park which wasn''t far from this place.


    However, when I got there, I couldn''t find him. The anxiety immediately made my hair feel like it was going to fall out. I drove down several streets in this district which I thought would allow Chunghee to be there, but in vain. I still couldn''t find him.


    I dropped my head on the steering wheel, gripped it hard by hands. I began to feel frightened if he would never come back to me. However, I didn''t want to draw that conclusion too quickly and try to wait for him a bit longer, by thinking that Chunghee would never leave me like what he had promised.


    Suddenly, as soon as I remembered about ''promise'', sadness and regret grew stronger in my chest. I lifted my head slowly, staring blankly ahead. During this time, Chunghee had never once broken his promise, but it was me who was the ignorant, stupid, and despicable man that had broken his promise all this time.


    I laughed hollowly like a fool when I remembered how stupid I had been. I also should have opened up to him from the start, then the fights would never have happened today.


    I wanted to tell him directly that I only loved him and didn''t love anyone but him. As for Sunyeon, he was just like a prostitute to me when I was away with him.


    I really wanted to tell him...


    I wanted to be honest with him...


    However, my fear made me never be able to tell him the truth...


    While in the apartment, I threw myself onto the sofa, staring at the ceiling with anxiety that made my hair tremble.


    I fumbled around the table, picked up a pack of cigarettes. While smoking, I remembered how Chunghee always admonished me about my smoking addiction. I smiled, I realized that Chunghee forbade me as he didn''t want to see me getting sick.


    Eight months ago, I nearly passed out from overwork. Hoonsik came into the office that evening and found me lying helplessly with my head on the desk. In the morning, he took me to the hospital to do a check-up, and the result was that I was having cardiac arrest symptoms due to smoking and drinking alcohol too much.


    The doctor advised me to quit these bad habits, but it was hard for me. Without smoking, I couldn''t be calmer and without alcohol, I wouldn''t get any money. It was only by toasting the glasses of wine for investors that we could be rewarded. Maybe the world of business was rotten than what the people saw.


    I chose not to take medicine as I thought that I could quit the habits. However, when I slowly started changing my habits and behavior, many problems in our household made me completely couldn''t change myself. I also had not talked about this to Chunghee before, afraid that he would be worried.


    Putting my hands on my head, I smiled hollowly. I felt like I had gained karma from the mistakes in the past.

 Chapter 58 - Lee Donghwa: Excessive Anxiety (1)

    Around 10.30 p.m., Chunghee had not been back since he left after our argument this afternoon.


    Only this time he was acting strangely like that. However, when he looked at me with such complicated eyes, he seemed to pour out all the complaints in his heart. It made me feel guilty more than anything as if my heart had been torn by the pain.


    Now, I started to think, is he unhappy with me?


    Now, I was still waiting for him in the living room ¡ª never even leaving my seat ¡ª leaning back sluggishly. I even canceled all of my appointments today, only to wait for him to come back.


    I had been trying to call him several times. However, he didn''t activate his cell phone, as if he was doing it on purpose because he didn''t want to receive any calls from me. It also made me so worried about him and it kept increasing every time.


    "Chunghee, where are you now?" In a low voice, I asked myself, as if whispering to myself.


    However, in silence, it would be possible to hear the slightest sound so clearly, even for the sound of a breath, so it sounded like a small groan.


    Inside, I kept wondering with unsavory concern, ''did he think that I mean with what I say?''


    I gripped my hair tightly. Now, no matter how much I tried to be calm, I truly couldn''t stop thinking about him.


    However, I could swear that the words came out of my mouth without thinking them first. I was also quite shocked when I heard the sentence just come out without me expecting it!


    And what he said ..., was he serious about those words? Is he really not coming back to me?


    I wouldn''t forgive myself if Chunghee really wouldn''t come back.


    Taking a deep breath, I grabbed my cell phone on the table, trying to call him back several times without giving up. However, it was still the voice of the same operator who said that my destination number was still in an inactive state.


    I just threw my back on the back of the sofa, closed my eyes, and tried to calm myself down in this restlessness.


    However, suddenly I remembered something. I immediately straightened my back and called Hoonsik directly.


    "Mr. Lee, may I help you, sir?"


    "Go look for Chunghee. Check all the surveillance cameras on the streets around my place. Don''t ever come to me if you don''t find evidence of his existence even if it''s just a little." I walked into the room and put on my coat. "Track his location. Find him asap."


    Hanging up the phone, I hurriedly went to the security room in this building and asked one of the securities at this place to open the surveillance camera footage this afternoon.


    Camera 1 showed Chunghee exiting the door leading to the elevator. The security also opened camera 2, this footage showed Chunghee walking out of the elevator and then out of this building while crying. It was visible on the screen and at once piercing my heart. I really did that to him. I was useless.


    Gritting my teeth, my fists clenched tightly, holding back the urge to punch the screen in front of me.


    In the last camera, it showed Chunghee waiting in front of a restaurant. Then, not long after, a taxi stopped in front of him. He got in and the taxi drove him away.


    Suppressing the restlessness, I asked, "Don''t you have a surveillance camera near the restaurant?"


    "Sorry, sir. The cameras are installed in every corner of the building, but not near the restaurant. Cameras are installed at points that can reach this area of ??the building only. You can contact the manager of the restaurant or call the police for further investigation."


    I was speechless. There seemed to be no other way but to browse through all the surveillance cameras in this area. Even if I needed to overturn the earth to find Chunghee, then I would.


    I forced a smile, thanked to the security for his help, then walked out.


    With quick steps, I entered the elevator and went downstairs shortly, then headed for the restaurant where Chunghee waited this afternoon.


    When I arrived, the restaurant was closed. I peeked through the window and saw that there was a woman in there who was busy cleaning the table. Then, without wasting time, I immediately knocked on the door.


    Not long after, the woman opened the door. "Sorry, sir. We are closed."


    "I''m not a customer. I just want to ask you for a favor, please."


    "What is it, sir?"


    After explaining that I was looking for someone, she immediately agreed and took me to the security room to see the surveillance camera footage.


    When she opened the monitor screen, it showed the same footage as the surveillance camera in the security room of the building, but with a different angle. The recording took a closer angle so that Chunghee''s crying face could be seen more clearly. I could see how he was hurt because of what I had done.


    Seeing Chunghee was crying because of my attitude at our argument, made the regrets feel even more piercing my heart.


    I gritted my jaw tightly and clenched my fist, subconsciously hitting the table with a fist.


    The woman suddenly gasped. "S-sir, what''s going on?"


    Silent, I shook my head lightly in response as I continued to focus on the monitor screen.


    I felt like killing myself right now. I was stupid and unforgivable.


    The surveillance camera footage provided no further information. But, at least, after seeing the location he was headed to, I knew that Chunghee was heading to district A.


    But why did he go to that district?


    After being together for a long time, Chunghee once said that he didn''t have a family ¡ª he had but only that he didn''t know where they were, apart from his grandmother who lived in Sokcho. But, she was gone a long time ago, Chunghee wouldn''t be able to roam without clarity in this country.


    I wasn''t sure that he went to his family in the district ¡ª impossible. It sounded strange. But, even so, there was a small hope that slightly tamed my uneasiness. If it was true that he headed to District A, it meant that there was still hope for me to find him.

 Chapter 59 - Lee Donghwa: Excessive Anxiety (2)

    Thinking about this, an idea popped into my head. I clicked the pause, then enlarged the monitor screen. I moved the cursor and focused on the screen on the license plate number of the taxi and immediately made a note of it. With this hope, I wished I could find Chunghee and apologize to him.


    I would never make a mistake that could hurt his feelings ¡ª this was the last time ¡ª I meant it.


    Suddenly the woman opened her voice, "Sir, if you''re looking for someone, why don''t you call the police station? That would be more helpful. The police know more about ''missing person''."


    Instantly the water on my face turned cold when I heard her words as if it was erased by the rain and then froze. I turned my head at her, staring at her with a domineering cold gaze.


    When I saw her face that looked both worried and caring, there was a sense of amazement rising to my frozen feelings. I didn''t know why she had to show such a face, while she didn''t know me at all. We didn''t even introduce ourselves to each other when I came to ask for help.


    Is this a form of hospitality? Is it supposed to empathize with each other?


    To be honest, seeing someone pity me and show concern like that, didn''t make me happy at all, it felt the opposite. I didn''t like people who showed some kindness in my presence, as if they were mocking me and trampling my pride directly.


    However, I didn''t want to think about it too much. The most important thing was to find Chunghee as soon as possible.


    Even though this woman gave a good suggestion, I couldn''t do it. Chunghee purposely left me ... no ¡ª I was the one who kicked him out, so this wasn''t a case of ''missing''. The only way, for now, was to find him on my own.


    Meanwhile, the woman looked confused. There was a hint of fear in his eyes, "What''s the matter, sir? Why are you looking at me like that?"


    I smiled, then returned my gaze to the monitor screen without giving any response.


    After a few minutes in this room, by thanks, I immediately left.


    Under the LED street lights, by the side of the road, I stood with hope in my heart. Even though the air was cold, I hardly felt anything and sweat fell on my forehead. I took my cell phone out of my pocket, then started calling Hoonsik.


    "Hello, sir?"


    "I want you to find a taxi driver with a license plate number 243 5561. Call me as soon as you find him."


    "Um, got it, sir."


    When I was about to hang up, Hoonsik spoke again in a low voice, "Sir, I''m sorry. I tried to trace Mr. Park''s cell phone, but it couldn''t because his cell phone was dead and it wasn''t connected to maps previously."


    I was silent, holding back my emotions by clenching my jaw tightly. Hearing about this, I became even more shocked and anxious. I was indignant and wanted to knock down the LED light beside me. However, since I still had common sense in my head, I only kicked it hard, causing tremor and hum in the lamppost.


    I couldn''t sue Hoonsik any further for doing what he couldn''t. I wasn''t able to scold anyone either.


    Taking a silent breath, I spoke with an emotion caught in my throat, "What about the surveillance camera footage? Did you find anything?"


    He paused for a moment, then answered in a slightly hoarse voice, "I just checked one location in the district, sir, and I saw Mr. Park taking a taxi to District A. I would immediately ask someone to send surveillance camera footage all the way and alert you immediately, sir."


    "Alright. Do it directly. I don''t want to wait any longer."


    Hanging up the phone, I walked towards a small park. Sitting on the bench while leaning my back, resting my body from all this fatigue.


    Not wanting to despair, I grabbed my cell phone again and tried to call Chunghee once again. I smiled bitterly, the voice still being heard by the same operator. His number had been inactive since this afternoon.


    Amid this chaos, I was reminded of someone, and I assumed that he could help me. I immediately looked for the number on the screen and contacted him after finding his number.


    However, seemingly this world didn''t want to hear my voice and didn''t allow me to ask anyone for help. That person''s number was also off, and it made me really want to curse myself and him as well.


    I almost lost my sanity and was about to throw my cell phone on the ground. But, thinking that there were still many important things that I needed to do, I abandoned my intention at once and gripped my cell phone firmly.


    Suddenly a thought that made my anger spread to the bone flashed through.


    I stared blankly ahead, thinking that Kim Daehyun had snatched Chunghee from me. It turned the pent-up anxiety into a complete rage and gathered in my head.


    As I could not stand the pressure from within myself, I immediately stood up, kicked everything, and screamed like a madman. I was mad ¡ª really mad ¡ª but it was with myself for not being able to take care of the one I still loved so badly.


    Now, I almost gave up. However, as I didn''t want to lose someone precious to me, I suppressed the desire which seemed to tear my throat and took a few breaths to calm myself down.


    After feeling calmer, I took a deep breath and then walked back to my apartment. I immediately took off my coat and leaned on the sofa while massaging the bridge of my nose.


    My head felt like it was about to explode, but I didn''t feel any pain, but a feeling of pressure like a bomb that counted the seconds to explode.


    I was like a lost soul right now. I was conscious but not completely conscious. Like a man who felt himself walking, but his head felt like flying. I was in a daze for a while before Chunghee''s face came back to life.


    Chunghee, come home. Come back to me.


    I promise I will treat you well. I won''t hit you; will never speak harshly to you ...


    A smile tugged at the corners of my lips. Remembering Chunghee''s words, I laughed hollowly.


    Regarding the person with me on that day ... trust me ¡ª you are the only one in my heart right now ¡ª you''re the only one.


    I wanted so badly to say all those expressions to him, to confess my feelings once again that I loved him so much.


    I didn''t even smoke anymore and I don''t drink ¡ª at least not as bad as before. I avoided the habits and listened to him only because I wanted to fix our relationship.


    Why did I let him go that afternoon? I am a selfless idiot by thinking arrogantly and let him pass!


    I knew that ...


    All right. It was my fault, having played with other people behind him all this time, thus ignoring him.


    After this incident, I promised that if he came back, I would kneel to apologize, even if he wanted me to bow at his feet, then I would!


    Right at midnight, after searching for Chunghee''s whereabouts for an hour and a half, I felt that I had experienced physical and mental exhaustion which made me really at my weakest point. I wasn''t the type of person to complain, but now I really wanted to complain.


    However, because of my efforts to get some results, I could still be grateful for all of it. At least, there was a speck of hope I carried as a hope to find him and beg him to come back.


    I stood up immediately and walked in weakly to the room as if my feet were carrying two iron balls and my back shouldered a rock. In there, I stared at this room blankly. Usually, Chunghee would always greet me with a smile when I came back, but now he wasn''t truly there. I felt so lonely.


    I walked over to the empty bed, then sat down on the place where Chunghee often lay, then stroked his pillow gently as if stroking his head while he was asleep.


    Even for the day of being abandoned by him, it made me miss him so bad...


    What have I done?


    All this time, I always left him and made him wait. Not for a day, but without caring, I left him for a long time without giving a word. I really was a bastard!


    However, considering my mistakes, there was something that made me even more guilty and caused such tremendous regret that it was gnawing at my chest like a deadly disease; that Chunghee never complained about anything. He never asked: why didn''t you come home all this time? What are you doing out there?

 Chapter 60 - Lee Donghwa: Get Away From Me!

    Is he hiding his feelings? Or is he scared because he doesn''t want to face my bad temper? Am I really that bad in his eyes?


    I admitted that I had been indifferent all this time because I thought that Chunghee would always obey my words. It was like taking advantage of his kindness, so if there were ten people who judge, then everyone would blame me no matter what.


    My feelings really tormented me and this longing seemed to cut my chest. I wanted him to be here ¡ª with me like he used to be.


    It was so painful. When we were abandoned by our loved ones, it was truly painless. Now I was the only one who was hurt.


    After pondering for a while, I thought that I didn''t feel relax about being in this place, so I decided to get back on my feet, then went out and grabbed the coat that was lying on the sofa. I immediately put it on and stepped out, leaving the apartment to go to the place that could calm myself from all my chaotic feelings.


    Chunghee, how are you? Are you okay? Are you cold out there? Almost every night he said to me, "Donghwa, hug me", and with great affection, I immediately hugged him tightly, warmed him in my arms.


    Could I still do that for him?


    Even on my way, I couldn''t stop thinking about him. He was weak and thin. Would he be okay out there by himself?


    A few moments later, I arrived at a bar; the usual place that I often visit when I got anxious or when I was having an argument with Chunghee.


    This place was a fancy bar in the middle of District M. But, for me, a place like this was no different from any other nightlife scene out there. It was just the same place that always serving up a mess of people like me with alcohol until they end up getting drunk.


    I promised myself and Chunghee, that I wouldn''t come to this place again. But, the chaos within me really couldn''t make me think clearly for now and was just a compulsion.


    I immediately parked my car, then got into this place. It had been almost two months, since I visited this place last time, and there had been many changes that I couldn''t express.


    "Welcome, Mr. Lee. For a regular customer like you, sir, it has been a long time since you visited this place." A familiar voice greeted and asked, "Did you argue again with your lover?"


    Without seeing his face, I already knew that he was the bartender at this place ¡ª Jay Nam. We got along quite well, because as he just said, I was a regular customer at this place, starting about two years ago.


    However, when I heard his question, I just nodded slowly, then took a sip of the drink in front of me at once and put my head on the table with my hands as support.


    "Mr. Lee, would you like vodka or whiskey? I''ll treat you tonight." Without moving, I replied lazily, "Anything. It will taste the same to me."


    Jay Nam was heard chuckling. "Mr. Lee, it looks like you''ve been through a lot of hard today. Would you like to tell?


    I lifted my head and looked at him, a bastard who kept asking me questions. With a serious, angry look on my face, I started to growl at him and said, "Damn it. Jay, stop asking me¡ª"


    Before finishing my sentence, the sound from my cell phone vibrating made my heart also beat fast. I took my cell phone out of my pocket with great enthusiasm and immediately saw the ID of a person who was currently on a call.


    However, there was a disappointment when he saw that the ID was Cho Sunyeon. It wasn''t Chunghee like I never expected.


    My surprised expression immediately turned disappointed, as if falling from the expectations that had made me float.


    I kept looking at my cell phone which kept vibrating in my hand but didn''t answer the calls from him. When the last call stopped, I immediately stood up and put a few won on the table with a loud sound, which made Jay Nam a little surprised.


    "Mr. Lee, are you leaving already? But, you don''t have to pay this time ...," Jay Nam shouted behind me, but indifferently, I ignored his words and hurried out of this place.


    That wasn''t important to give a response. I had more important business which I had to take care of out there than had to listen to him.


    Outside, I immediately went to the place where I parked my car and drove the car very fast. I didn''t have to waste time on this place anymore.


    After a few minutes of driving, I arrived at the downstair of an apartment. I walked to the elevator and pressed the number for the floor I was aiming for, then immediately got out when I arrived. I headed for an apartment numbered 1006 and rang the bell.


    A young man opened the door and exclaimed in joy, "Ah, Brother Lee! You''re finally here!"


    It was Cho Sunyeon. Twenty-five years old. When he saw me, his face became even more excited. He immediately embraced my body tightly. I froze for a moment and looked at him who rested his head on my chest comfortably. However, I didn''t feel the same way, and there was slowly resistance within me.


    He began to cry in custody, with his hands gripping my coat so tightly. However, the cry wasn''t a reason for me to continue to be in his arms. I immediately released his hands that caught me tightly. "I didn''t come here to hear you cry. I just want to tell you that from now on, don''t ever bother me again."


    "Quit that company. I don''t want to see you again. But, if you really need a job in a better position, I''ll take care of your transfer to Bae''s company. Hoonsik will help you." I sighed for a moment before continuing, "If you need a place to stay, then you can stay here. I will compensate you too. I think that will be enough to meet your needs for a year. If you think that isn''t enough for you, you can deal with Hoonsik tomorrow. He will cash out for you."


    Slowly, he raised his head, looked at me with sadness in his eyes. But, not long after, he embraced me again and spoke in a stifled voice, "I love you. I don''t need anything else but you. Don''t leave me. Brother Lee, I beg you. Please don''t leave me. I''m sorry about that time. If you''re angry with me because of coming to you at that time, then I won''t do that again. I promise. I won''t complain about anything again."


    I didn''t want to bring that up and came here just to tell him to quit the company. However, because he had just reminded me of the matter, I immediately let go of his hand and looked at him with unconcealed disgust. "There''s no need for you to apologize. That''s useless. You give your body to the businessmen for free will never change the fact that now, my relationship is broken. So, stop whining like that." With a pause, I continued, "Back then, I''m really angry with you but I just kept holding myself back, so don''t make me lose control. Just follow my words. You''re nothing more than my pet dog after all."


    Cho Sunyeon was startled. He tried to speak, "How can you say that? You''ve even slept with me countless times over the past three years, then ...."


    "Sleeping with you doesn''t mean we''re lovers. you know that I already have a lover, right? Then why do you still think that I love you too?" Laughing derisively, I continued, "It''s been you who always clung to me. I never even intended to make love with you but it was you who forced me. You seduced me by relying on your whore soul. Don''t tell me you pretended to be senile about it."


    Hearing the reproaches, Sunyeon was speechless. However, his sobs exploded even stronger which made me feel even more disgusted. When seeing him crying, it confirmed that he was the one who was the cause of what had just happened today.


    However, I immediately realize that I couldn''t completely blame Sunyeon. All of this happened because I was so stupid too.


    After saying about that, I immediately left this place to calm down in my apartment in silence.


    Sunyeon stopped me several times and cried with pain, but my heart was already dead for someone else, so I left without a care, suppressing my desire to hit his face.


    Hearing he cried, made the disgust gather in my fist, and staying there would allow an uncontrollable feeling to control my hand to stop his crying.


    Ignored by me, he stopped saying anything until the end.


    Now, I only want to build a relationship that had been broken by my own mistakes, and kicking him out was the first way to fix everything.

 Chapter 61 - Lee Donghwa: Duo Bastards

    The next day, I woke up messed up as I didn''t sleep well last night. Every twenty minutes I would wake up and the first thing that appeared in my head was that Chunghee had truly left me. It was like a waking nightmare, the pain was so real, and it continued into the next day.


    Glory-In Media Agency


    As I kept thinking about Chunghee who was still completely without news. I wasn''t excited to pass the time of day as if I had no passion for life, like someone who got a curse by being ripped off of his soul and lived in a hallow.


    I even left the pile of files from the staff on the desk and didn''t want to touch them at all.


    At work, resting my head on the table, I mutter softly, "Chunghee, why aren''t you coming back yet? I can''t keep on like this. I miss you so much. Go home now."


    While Chunghee left me, all the memories from the first time I fell in love with him seemed to be playing back in my head. It immediately made this excessive pain even worse, rending my heart repeatedly.


    In the past, how I chased him and did anything to get his heart was useless today. Stupidly, what I had been fighting for all this time, I had treated like nobody for a while now, and when I regretted myself, he left, and either he would come back or not at all.


    It hurt so much, like being stabbed in the same wound.


    Was this the feeling he had when I treated him badly all this time? Is it this painful? Or is the feeling more than this?


    I''ve always been selfish and indifferent. Always forcing him to do what he didn''t want to do. However, he just kept smiling and saying okay without a refusal so that I wouldn''t feel disappointed ¡ª all for my selfishness, like ten years ago before he fell in love with me.


    At that time, I knew that he didn''t love me, but I forced him to fall in love with me. Until now, his feelings were what I forced him to do; forcing him to continue to love me even though I always acted casually regardless of his feelings.


    I was a fool. I realized the past when he turned away from me. This regret slapped me on the face countless times.


    In the silence, the sound of a knock on the door made me straighten up and pretend to be calm.


    Someone immediately entered with elegant footsteps. But, after seeing the face of a person who was already standing in front of me, it made me relax again and leaned my back against the chair. "Ah, Yunhee, it was you. What''s wrong?"


    Bae Yunhee was my business partner in a different company. I had known him since five years ago and been pretty close since then. We often shared stories about many problems, both on work and personal affairs.


    He was also the only person who knew my current relationship with Chunghee and Sunyeon. But, I wasn''t the only bastard here as he was the same as me. We were duo bastards.


    "I''ve been calling you during these two days, why do you keep rejecting my calls?" I asked in a clear luscious voice in my throat.


    He chuckled. "You called at a bad time." He sat lazily on the sofa and started smoking. "Look at your face, are you arguing again? With Chunghee ... Sunyeon? Or with someone else?"


    I let out a heavy sigh, then stroked my hair so restlessly. "Chunghee ...."


    "You mean?"


    "He left me. While we were arguing, I said inappropriate things, so he left but hasn''t returned yet. I''m afraid ... if he goes to Kim''s side, the young master of the Kim Family, I''ve told you about it before, right?"


    "Kim Daehyun?"


    I nodded weakly.


    Seeing that response, he laughed again, slowly then louder. "So, what makes you look so troubled? I guess it doesn''t matter if you have other stocks out there."


    I glanced at him sharply, frowning at him. "I''m serious. I''m not kidding right now."


    "Same, me too," smoked his cigarette, he replied.


    I gave no response other than continuing to glare at him, showing seriousness on my face.


    Until a few seconds later, he spoke casually, "You know, if I were Chunghee, I would definitely leave you too. Who wants to be raped like that all the time?" still laughing, he continued in a joking tone, "Stop raping him, Lee. That''s not good for his body."


    I lifted my head, stared blankly at the ceiling of this office. "Fuck you. I only do that when I''m mad at him."


    "Stupid. now, you admit it, huh? It''s the same thing though. There''s no difference, dude," with a pause, he continued, "But, why do you have to make that gloomy face? Don''t you still have another toy out there?"


    I froze for a moment, sighed silently, and then looked at him coldly. "Bae Yunhee, do me a favor. Help me look for him. I have to find him right away."


    Finishing my words, a moment of silence fell in this room. Then, he began to move to put out the cigarette in his hand and began to speak seriously, "If you really love him, you shouldn''t be playing around out there. But since it''s already done, you don''t have to regret it either. He left you, it might be because he was tired of your behavior. And about the affair he had with President Kim ... I ain''t sure. But, if he did have an affair with him, I''m sure that he also did it just because he wanted to forget about you. In this situation, you are indeed the one to blame, get it?"


    "Hmm, I thought that we were both bad. But, I was wrong. You are even worse than me. I was having an affair, but I would never do such a rude thing to my main lover even if she hit me. You also know that Chunghee is a good person, but you instead treat him like a mistress. As for Sunyeon, you treat him like your lover ¡ª you think backward. If you really love him, you can''t possibly do something like that to him. Aren''t you ashamed of yourself?"


    I was speechless. It was a truth that hit my head with great force, so that all the abusive treatment I had ever done was played back in my memory, made the regrets pile up even more. Then, in a weak, desperate voice, I said, "Then, help me. I''ll pay you a reward ¡ª anything ¡ª as long as you find him."


    "Anything? Are you sure you would risk everything, even if it was your own company?"


    Hearing that cold question, I gathered all that confidence and seriousness on my face and stared at him. "In running in the business world, I always use a lot of tactics. You know me very well, right? I''ve been involved in a serious case with you, we passed it, and during that time I promise to myself that I will never commit default like that again for the company, even my own words."


    "So, your decision?"


    "If you want that company so badly, I''ll give it to you, on one condition that you have to find where Chunghee is."


    He grinned coldly, described the sly thoughts that were in his head at this time, and immediately stood up, "Looks like, you''re really suffering, Lee. However, the compensation is quite balanced I guess. Just let me think about it then."


    Hearing this, I exclaimed, "There''s no time! Decide it now!"


    Bae Yunhee smirked coldly. "Alright then, if you insist."


    He started walking toward the door. And after he opened the door, he saw someone who was also standing outside with his hand about to knock on the door.


    For a moment, Bae Yunhee turned to me while smiling with the eyes as if to curse me before he went past someone who was still standing in front of the door, with the hands that he had lowered beside his body.


    With a cold gaze, I stared at the man for a long time before speaking in a low voice that sounded cold, "If you just want to stand there, you better get hell out of here. After all, what made you come here? What did I say last night wasn''t clear in your ear? Do I need to be violent so you can understand my words?"


    After I said that, he immediately walked in and closed the door.


    He approached me carefully. He lowered his head slightly, hiding his frightened face. When he was right in front of me, with trembling hands, he put something so familiar on the desk and took me by surprise.


    It was the thing that I had been looking for all this time. I never thought that he was the one who took it from me!


    I felt my anger had touched my sinciput!

 Chapter 62 - Lee Donghwa: Alternative Way

    In disbelief, I immediately stood up and grabbed the thing, observing it before putting it on my finger. "This ring ...."


    He lowered his head, and spoke stuttering, "I ... I found it under the table after we went on a business trip."


    Frowning, I lifted my face, looked at him suspiciously, and asked coldly, "Then, why don''t you return it right away when I asked you where''s my ring?"


    Without lifting his eyes, he answered in a trembling voice, "I wanted to ... a long time ago, but I ... I''m afraid that you will be angry with me when you find out that I hid it all this time. I''m ... I''m sorry."


    Hearing that statement from him, the anger that I suppressed for a long time finally grew and became unbearable. Without saying anything, my hand spoke first by hitting his face hard enough, so that Sunyeon staggered to the side, and then fell on the floor.


    "You think, by admitting it now, I won''t get angry with you?" I asked, still staring coldly at him. "If when I asked you where my ring was and you were honest at that time, maybe I can still forgive you. But, now, do you still hope that I will forgive you?"


    With a blank stare, Sunyeon muttered softly, "Heh ... ''maybe'' ... just ''maybe'' ...."


    "...."


    This anger made me lose my mind. Feeling not quite satisfied, I went over and choked him by the neck, pulled him to his feet, and then hit him in the face again with great force.


    When I wanted to hit his face one more time, his crying face made my fist stop right at the end of his eyes. There was a pity that appeared mysteriously and immediately made me release my grip on his neck.


    I stared at him coldly. "How dare you hide it. If I don''t remember Chunghee when I saw you crying like that, I would have crushed your slut face."


    Finishing my sentence, he slowly stood up with his knees trembling slightly and his hand touching his face. He lowered his head to hide his crying, but the tears that fell couldn''t continue to hide on his eyelids. "Brother Lee, you know, that time, when I came to your place, then accidentally Park Chunghee came, right? Do you know what I saw at that time? I could see how much he was suffering all this time on his face, but he still tried to cover it up." While saying, he wiped the tears that kept rolling.


    Hearing that sudden declaration surprised me twice as much. My eyes suddenly widened open reflexively, my chest felt burning and became tight. My anger was at its limit, I didn''t realize that my hand broke the glass vase on the table.


    Going mad, I picked up the broken glass on the floor, then pushed Sunyeon''s body against the wall with great force, and pressed it. Then, I stuck the glass into the wall ¡ª right next to his face ¡ª inches from his ear.


    "What do you know that he''s been suffering all this time? I told you, right? Don''t be dare to interfere in my personal affairs," paused, I shouted at his face, "Didn''t I tell you that never to set your dirty feet into my house?!"


    This anger was out of control. I was barely even speechless after saying my words and just glared at him with the emotions gathering in my eyes.


    Meanwhile, Sunyeon looked really scared. His face turned pale and became tense.


    There was a moment''s silence, I let go of my hand and threw the shards of glass on the floor. I didn''t even feel the pain in my injured hand, "Get the hell out of here right now."


    I turned around, walked over to my desk without looking back. Placing both palms on the desk, looking furiously ahead, and shouting, "Go away! Don''t ever show me your face again! Otherwise, I''ll stab your face without missing like what I did before."


    He was still heard crying. I could hear it quite clearly even with great anger. Then, a second later, he immediately left without saying anything by slamming the door.


    I walked towards the sofa and leaned back on the sofa languidly while talking to myself, staring at the ring on my finger with the joy and sadness that blended into my chest. "Chunghee, look, I found our ring ... don''t be mad anymore, okay?"


    This ring was so precious to me. There was nothing more precious in my life than this ring. If I lost this, then I had lost two important things in my life.


    Today I felt messed up and broken at once. After hearing Sunyeon''s words, it made sadness and regret gather in my head and grow even more. I didn''t get through the day well enough, and it lasted for the next two days.


    After attending the meeting with the department heads in the conference room, I leaned listlessly on the chair while massaging my temples which didn''t hurt. I closed my eyes and tried to relax in this empty room.


    However, suddenly my cell phone rang. Still closing my eyes, I took my cell phone out of my pants pocket and answered lazily without looking at the caller ID first, "Hello? who?"


    "Um, it''s me, sir, Yoon Hoonsik."


    "Oh, it''s you ...," with a pause, I continued, "Cancel the meeting tomorrow. I want to rest for two days," I replied indifferently.


    Silent for a few seconds, Hoonsik said, "Um, Mr. Lee, I''ve found the taxi driver."


    Instantly I gasped forward and opened my eyes. Hearing Hoonsik''s words, seemed to revive the hope in me. I immediately got up and walked out. "Go prepare the car and drive me to him."


    "Ah, all right, sir."


    With excitement, I walked fast and with wide strides. My heart was pounding, I had not felt this kind of feeling since Chunghee left a few days ago. It seemed to find a light that had long been dim in my life.


    When I was outside the building, Hoonsik was already waiting. He opened the car door for me and I rushed in and leaned my back with a smile. Then, Hoonsik sat in the driver''s seat and stepped on the gas pedal.


    "What a coincidence, sir. He is taking time off from today and the next two days." While saying, Hoonsik continued to focus on driving his car carefully.


    I smiled, "That''s good news. Good job."


    A few minutes later, we arrived in front of a simple house. The rusty iron door looked very fragile, and there were some dead plants in the yard. I walked in, followed by Hoonsik.


    At the door, Hoonsik started knocking on the door and a woman came out with a smile. "Can I help you, sir?"


    Hoonsik immediately stepped forward. "Sorry, ma''am, I am Hoonsik and he is Mr. Lee Donghwa. We came here to meet Mr. Choi Minseo."


    The woman looked doubtful for a moment before replying, "Ah, all right, come in, sir."


    After being invited, we immediately entered and sat at a small table. Then, the woman called someone from inside and a man immediately came out. He smiled and greeted kindly, "Ah, welcome, sir." Their faces looked confused, so the man asked, "Sir, sorry, is there anything I can help you with?"


    Hoonsik immediately spoke, "Sir, I am Yoon Hoonsik and he is Mr. Lee Donghae. We are here to ask you something."


    The person named Choi Minseo smiled and bowed respectfully, "Ah, aren''t you the President of the GIM Agency? I''ve seen you on TV."


    I forced a smile.


    He spoke again, "It is an honor for my family to have a president of a large company coming. If I may know, what do you want to ask, sir?"


    I hurriedly pulled out my wallet and showed him a photo, then asked with hope, "Have you ever driven this person before?"


    Frowning, there was a long pause before he exclaimed, "Ah, yes! That was about four days ago."


    "Really?!" I couldn''t help but delight at my tone, "Where? Where are you dropping him off? Please tell me."


    Minseo seemed to be thinking, "Hmm, I''m not sure, sir. At that time, he got off at a Station A in District A."


    "Station A?!" At once the excitement turned into extreme shock.


    "Um ..." Hoonsik spoke to me, "Sir, Station A is the route to Nami Island and Udo, as well as to Jeju."


    I was speechless. When Hoonsik saw my face in anger and dissatisfaction, he immediately touched my arm to calm me down, who was about to explode.


    Clenching my fists tight, I stood up, "Let''s go. Asking him is a waste of time."


    I rushed out nonchalantly without a word of thanks, then sat in the car.


    Not long after, Hoonsik was out. He immediately got into the car and drove the car as soon as possible.


    "Shit!" In the car, gritting my teeth, I kept cursing and cursing everything that had happened.


    This hope made me fly and then threw me on the ground. It all ended in disappointment that drove me crazy.


    Now, I really wanted to destroy something, but I was held back by my other thoughts. I seemingly had to take this alternative way. If asking people didn''t work, then the only way was to force that person to reveal everything ¡ª Kim Daehyun.


    ***

 Chapter 63 - Kim Daehyun: Crafty Thoughts!

    TU (Technology Unity) Company.


    After a week had passed, Chunghee returned to act like what he did previously, as if answering my calls and replying to my messages were taboo. He never even activated his cell phone since my first meeting with him at the hospital as if he wanted me to stay away from him.


    Does he really think of me as a disturber?


    Does he feel sickened by me?


    Thinking about this, I might be a poor man who kept hoping God to turn his feelings towards me.


    Leaning my back against the back of my chair behind my desk, my eyes stared blankly at the sheet of paper in the form of a contract that must be signed immediately.


    However, my mind kept thinking about what it wanted to think. I couldn''t stop thinking of the weak Chunghee when I met him one week ago and felt uneasy, regardless of the piece of contract in front of me right now.


    He looked thinner than before and his face looked so pale without enthusiasm. He was so different from the moment we met. However, beneath his pale face, there was a warm smile that never changed ¡ª even in his overflowing cry.


    However, even though that smile was etched almost covering his wounds, such fakes couldn''t prevent my eyes from seeing to his heart, that he wasn''t happy and only hiding his sorrow behind the smile on his face.


    I wasn''t someone who was easily fooled by such fakes. All this time, I just kept pretending not to know about it and kept quiet. It was because I wanted to appreciate his efforts which from the start were just futility in my eyes.


    To be honest, he was just forcing himself to cover up the wounds he couldn''t hide.


    I fiddled with the pen on my finger, staring blankly at the sheet of paper in front of me. Occasionally I bitten my lip as worry crept up my head.


    Suddenly my cell phone was ringing. I glanced at the cell phone, then immediately grabbed it and answered the call, "Dad, what''s going on?"


    "Daehyun, why are Lee''s men looking for you?"


    I froze at once. I frowned without realizing it when I heard the strange and surprising question that came from my father directly.


    Lee''s men? Lee Donghwa?


    I wasn''t even that close to him and didn''t want to familiarize myself with him at all.


    Then, why is he looking for me?


    I had a bad feeling about this.


    "Lee? You mean Lee Donghwa, the president of GIM Agency?" This question was just to make sure that Lee, who my father was talking about was Lee what I was thinking of right now.


    "Yes, who else? His men have been looking for you for two days. And yesterday, Lee also called me and asked where you are. Does he have any important business with you? Or, are you two doing cooperation? It''s unusual for Lee to look for someone so persistently. There must be something happen ... or a problem between you two. It was no way for him to go that far."


    "Hmm? I never felt like I was causing trouble with him. Our last meeting had also been quite a while since a few months ago. If he had a problem at the agency, he was definitely looking for the wrong person. He should be dealing with you, not with me."


    "Looks like this is not a problem at the agency. There must be another problem pressing him that has something to do with you," Kim Myungdae guessed. He then asked, "Well, where have you been these days then?"


    I frowned tightly, feeling confused. My hand moved to touch my forehead. This was the first time Lee had been looking for me.


    I wondered, ''Why does he look for me desperately? Why doesn''t he call me directly?''


    I didn''t even remember making a contract for cooperation with him previously.


    It was really strange.


    "Hmm, I''ve been out of the city for the past three days." Sighing silently, I continued, "He might in need of something. I''ll call him later."


    My father was silent for a moment, then said deeply and full of wariness, "Daehyun, if you cooperate with Lee, you can''t interfere with his dark business. I won''t hesitate to get you out of the Kim Family if you do. You know how he is, Don''t you? I can even remember the dirty way in which he brought down Nam''s company two years ago."


    I chuckled. "No way. I don''t need to do illegal businesses like that just for adding profit."


    After hearing the words of my father ¡ª a grand master of the Kim Family ¡ª saying such self-deprecating things ¡ª it was heard ridiculous. I scoffed, "Are you afraid? You are even more powerful than someone like him and your power can''t be compared to him. You can even break the agreement with him right now. Aren''t you the largest shareholder in GIM Agency?"


    "You''re right. If it wasn''t because I still needed him, I would look for someone else a long time ago," paused, he sighed. "You''ve always been good at words. But, that''s not what I mean. I''m never afraid to be in a business competition. But, I just don''t want you to come into the dark world as Lee has done since you are the only successor in our family. I would be ashamed to the bone if the young master of the Kim Family destroys his own family name."


    Hearing about that, I laughed hollowly. He had always put our family name first. That sometimes made me sick of living in my own family, acting by upholding his name to the sky. However, I just kept silent without any comment.


    A second later, I immediately got up from my chair. I gazed out of the window and said, "By the way, I want to borrow your men."


    "For what?"


    I sighed. "Um, just in case ¡ª for a day ¡ª just a few of them, and after that, I''ll give them back to you right away."


    "Hm, all right. I''ll send them soon. Just tell me your location."


    Hearing he agreed to my request, a streak of a cold smile tugged at the corners of my lips. "I''m in Seoul right now. At TU Company."


    "Okay then, they''ll be there in a few minutes."


    After saying that, he immediately hung up the phone.


    Leaning against the jamb, I crossed my arms on my chest while thinking many things for a moment, then sat back down behind my desk. Grinning coldly, I leaned my back against the back of my chair lazily while thinking about something crafty in my head.


    The curiosity became more and more intense. Because Lee Donghwa was looking for me, I felt something was wrong, but suddenly I felt like playing around with him.


    Thinking about this, I chuckled. It was strange and funny at the same time. I felt like there was something fun that would happen in the future.


    I didn''t know why he was looking for me. But, if he wanted to offer a game, then I gladly accept it.


    Twenty minutes later, someone knocked on the door and rushed in.


    A tall and big man in a black suit with earpieces worn over his ears stood right in front of me. He bowed before starting to speak in a deep voice, "Young master, we all have arrived at the order of the grand master. Now, we are ready for your orders, sir."


    I was quite surprised to hear the word ''all'' and immediately straightened my back. "What? How many?"


    "Twenty people only, sir. Others must accompany the grand master to an important meeting."


    I lifted a forehead. The word ''only'' for twenty people wasn''t worth it. Twenty people were too many to be juxtaposed with the word ''only'' itself.


    However, I didn''t think about it any longer and immediately got up, and then walked out. I took out my cell phone, then dialed the number of my assistant who was currently conducting an observation of a new project out of the city.


    A woman immediately answered, "Hello, sir, what''s going on?"


    "A Yeong, I want you to take care of the contract sheet on my desk. I also want you to move the meeting this afternoon to the next week on the same day. I have a sudden business today."


    "Ah, but, sir, this meeting is very important¡ª"


    "I know, I know ... you don''t have to tell me. I know it better than anyone. But, this is an order, so just do what I order you. If you are afraid that those people will refuse, then use my father''s name to convince them."


    She paused for a moment, then agreed, "Huh, well, sir, I''ll do it."


    I knew quite clearly that A Yeong was worried about a meeting that would be moved on another day I ordered. However, besides that, I had no choice except for moving the meeting.


    After talking, I remembered the contract sheet on my desk and went back inside to sign it before leaving. This contract was important. Rejecting it was tantamount to lure my father to show his fangs.

 Chapter 64 - Kim Daehyun: A Lie For The Sake Of A Victory!

    On the way, my thoughts made me even more restless. Either because of Lee Donghwa who suddenly looked for me or the anxiety because I was worrying about Chunghee who kept avoiding me. I didn''t know for sure, but I could feel quite clearly that these thoughts were really disturbing.


    Thinking about this, I accidentally saw a very familiar person in front of a cafe. He sat alone with a glass of warm drink in front of him, bowing his head. By his appearance, I could tell that he had had some bad days.


    Without thinking any longer, I immediately asked a person in the driver''s seat to stop the car.


    It was a sudden order so that the man was taken aback and slammed on the brakes. Because I didn''t prepare myself in advance, my head hit the seat quite hard. Instantly I felt dizzy for a moment but slowly got better.


    With concern, the man immediately looked back to confirm my condition, "Mr. Kim! Are you okay, sir? I''m really sorry. I was startled earlier, so I slammed on the brakes. I''m sorry, Mr. Kim."


    However, before answering, the big man who was in my office earlier approached by tapping on the windshield. I immediately lowered the windshield and saw the big man bent slightly to know my condition. "Young master, are you okay? Is there a problem, sir?"


    I opened the car door and got out quickly, tidied up my overcoat coat. "Yeah, I''m fine."


    Then, I walked over to that person and immediately greeted him, who wasn''t currently knowing of my presence at all.


    "Hey, aren''t you Cho Sunyeon, Lee''s assistant?"


    He lifted his head to look at someone who was greeting him without enthusiasm. He looked in a bad mood right now.


    However, when I saw his face, there was something that made me startled and I couldn''t help but ask, "What''s going on with your face? Why is your face bruised like that? What happened?"


    "..."


    There''s a long of waiting for an answer, so I asked him again, "Does Lee know your current condition?"


    Judging by the wound, it seemed like it had lasted a day or two days ago.


    "Come with me. I''ll drive you to the hospital."


    He lifted his head again until he showed a smile that completely couldn''t cover his current sadness, and spoke in a weak, hoarse voice, "I''m fine, Mr. Kim. Thank you for asking. This bruise ... yesterday I fell in the toilet and my face hit the sink."


    That excuse was childish and untrustworthy. But, I didn''t give any comment other than to change the topic, "Then, why are you here by yourself? Where''s Lee?"


    He was silent for a moment, then spoke, "Ah, Mr. Kim, I have to go now. Nice to meet you today."


    Finishing his words, he stood up and bowed respectfully, then left in a hurry. Of course, by acting like that, confirmed that he was covering up something.


    However, I was someone who didn''t care about other people''s problems and didn''t really think about them, except my business today.


    I got back into the car after Sunyeon disappeared from my sight, and then immediately went to GIM Agency where Donghwa served as president of the company.


    Arriving at that place, I entered the company building with a big man following me from behind, while the others waited outside.


    GIM Agency was my father''s company, which had quite a grand architectural style. It was built about eleven years ago and had undergone three renovations in the past seven years, and the last renovation was done four years ago.


    But, the thing that surprised me at first was to find out that this company was now run by someone else, the one who was the only one that annoyed me right now ¡ª Lee Donghwa ¡ªstarting around six years ago.


    My father once said that he was no longer in charge of the GIM Agency when he visited me in France, but I never thought that that person and I would have such fierce competition for love.


    Remembering his name, it already made my veined fists quite tight, as if it wanted to land on his face as soon as possible. I hated him as he was the bastard who made Chunghee suffer all this time.


    In front of his room, I knocked on the door several times, but no one answered. I thought that he wasn''t in his office at the moment and was about to ask the company manager about him. But, before turning around, a hoarse voice was heard from inside.


    The big man who accompanied me opened the door and I immediately entered the room. While inside, I could see a man lying lazily on the sofa, and then waking up slowly after he saw me standing in front of him. He got up and shook my hand, showing a hostile smile.


    His face looked so pathetic. But with eyes that showed a flash of hatred, it made him look like he was harboring an angry rage at me. He then spoke coldly, "Nice to meet you, Mr. Kim ... Daehyun. Please, sit down."


    I sat down and raised one leg above the other, while Donghwa sat in front of me with a smile but didn''t reach his eyes. He pulled something out of his pocket and held it out to me. "Cigarette?"


    I grabbed it with pleasure, but without a smile. While lighting a cigarette, I said, "I met Sunyeon when I was heading here. He looks really¡ª"


    "Ah, he ..." Donghwa spoke indifferently, "I''ve moved him. He no longer works in this agency."


    I glanced at him secretly. Now I understand. That was the reason why Sunyeon seemed to lose the brightness of his face. But ... what about the bruises on his face? did they fight?


    I thought silently and was convinced that something bad had happened between them. At first, I was about to ask about it, but since I didn''t know how to do a pep talk, my lips asked something that was in my head, "Why are you looking for me, sir? Is there something important that you want to talk about with me?"


    He smoked lazily and replied indifferently, "Yes, it''s about Chunghee." He put the cigarette on the glass ashtray on the table and looked at me with the same cold eyes. "Besides, stop talking so formally. You disgust me."


    Hearing those words, I chuckled, "How rude." I smoked a cigarette and stared at him sharply even more.


    However, one thing that made me wonder was, why he asked me about Chunghee?


    "Stop putting on a face that looks as if you don''t know anything, Kim." Lee Donghwa continued, "I know you''ve been playing dumb all this time and stabbing me in the back."


    "Huh? I came here personally because I was worried if there was something important and urgent that you have to convey. I also came in a kind and even polite manner, but why did you even insult me ??like that?"


    "Bullshit."


    I grinned and put out the cigarette on my finger. "Can you get to the point? I don''t want to waste my time here just listening to your nonsense. I have a lot of works to do today."


    He stood up in an instant. The water on his face showed clear redness. Showing great anger in his sharp eyes, he shouted, "Where are you hiding Chunghee, you bastard?!"


    Hearing that question, I became absent-minded for a moment and was immediately startled with my eyes widened open, without a word.


    ''Where are you hiding Chunghee?'' Doesn''t that mean he lose Chunghee?


    I frowned tightly at him.


    Not getting a response from me, Donghwa immediately approached me, then pulled my collar quite firmly. However, it didn''t last long because the big man who was standing beside me immediately released his firm grip from my neck.


    Awakening from this situation, a sly thought crossed my head. I smirked, then laughed to mock him. When I looked at his face which was filled with fiery red color, he showed a deadly sharp gaze. His anger seemed to have doubled.


    "Where''s Chunghee?!" He shouted again and was about to hit me, but was immediately detained by a big man with high alertness. It wouldn''t be easy for Donghwa to vent his madness today as this big man would never allow him to touch me with his dirty hands.


    His movements were immediately locked in the blink of an eye, and he was already in a position that couldn''t move the slightest bit.


    I scoffed, "You really want to hit me for snatching your lover? Seriously? A rude person like you doesn''t deserve to be with him." Smiling mockingly, I approached him and whispered in his ear, "You know, I''ve screwed him. Now he''s lying on my bed. Maybe he''s tired of you, so he comes to me."


    I knew quite clearly that this was a lie and would provoke him. However, this resentment couldn''t cause me to think of anything better than to lie just for the sake of victory.

 Chapter 65 - Kim Daehyun: A Postponed Decision

    He immediately fell silent with his mouth slightly open. His face lost its color and all the anger seemed to gather in his eyes at once. He shouted as if venting all the anger inside him in one loud beat at his voice.


    "Fuck you, Kim Daehyun! Goddamn you! I''ll kill you!" He struggled, about to escape. "Fuck! Get off me! I want to kill him right now ¡ª I''ll kill you Kim Daehyun! I swear! How dare you touch him, you bastard! How dare you¡ª"


    "St!" I put my index finger to my lips, showing a ''quiet'' gesture. "Can you not scream, please? You''re too old to scream like a kid."


    Finishing my words, he stopped moving and relaxed his body. He lowered his head then lifted his chin again carefully. The anger on his face gradually disappeared, turning into sadness in his eyes. He smiled, showing no sarcasm but a kind of despair. He said with a low voice, "Daehyun, I beg of you. Tell me, where is Chunghee now? If you tell me, then I will never bring this up again. I promise. You can hold onto it and kill me if I do deny it."


    I showed a smile of hostility without mercy. Even if I knew where Chunghee was, I would never tell him. Chunghee left not without a reason, I knew it quite clearly.


    Chunghee deserved freedom and Donghwa didn''t deserve to know where a bird would fly to the East.


    Without the slightest sense of concern, I immediately walked out of this room and didn''t give any response. The big man, who was holding Donghwa''s arms behind him, remained in this place for a while, preventing him from following me.


    Walking to the main door, the first thing that occurred to me was to find Chunghee, no matter what. This was a decision and the most important thing right now. I would never let that bastard find him first.


    However, besides that, there was something that worried me even more, was regarding the falsehood I just said.


    Saying that I screwed with Chunghee was the craziest thing I had ever said in my entire life. It''s embarrassing, it''s really embarrassing. Just by remembering it was like making me lose face.


    What if Chunghee finds out the falsehood I have spoken of? Will he be angry? Will he hate me even more?


    Sure, the question had a definite answer ¡ª ''yes''. However, I just tried and kept pushing my head into thinking that answer would be unheard of, and thought the stupid thing I just did was fine.


    Chunghee, I''m sorry.


    The shock and anger in that room made my head unable to think of anything better after knowing that Chunghee wasn''t with him again ¡ª Chunghee left him. But, strangely, it didn''t make me feel sad but rather felt a clear delighted in my chest. That meant I had a chance to prove how much I loved him.


    After being downstairs, I headed for the car and immediately returned to the company to think of a way to find Chunghee''s current whereabouts.


    As I walked in and about to enter the private elevator, A Yeong suddenly exclaimed from a distance and headed towards me in a hurry.


    "Mr. Kim, Mr. Kim!"


    I immediately stopped, waiting for her. As she was near me, she caught her breath and said, "The master ... your father is in your office now."


    "What?!" In a suppressed voice, I almost shouted, "Why didn''t you tell me earlier?! You should have confirmed this to me first!"


    A Yeong frowned, and said irritably, "I''ve called you several times, sir, but you never answered my calls."


    Hearing her words, I was silent. I just remembered that I was muting my cell phone. I sighed, trying to relax. "Then, why don''t you call ..."


    By only those few words, I stopped and chose not to continue my sentence.


    "He''s been looking for you since a few minutes ago. He said he had called you several times, but you never answered a call from him," A Yeong explained.


    Hearing about this, I asked, "What about the contract?"


    "I was just about to take care of it, sir." A Yeong leaned slightly towards me, "Sir, you have to see him now. He looks bad today."


    Without thinking any longer, I immediately entered the elevator followed by A Yeong, and pressed the floor of my office.


    Upstairs, I immediately went to my office and entered without knocking on the door first. In here, Kim Myungdae was seen sitting behind my desk. When he heard the door open, he immediately turned his chair and looked at me without a smile. Then, he stood up and approached me. Beside me, A Yeong shifted his body, hiding slightly, and whispered to me, "Sir, I''m sorry. I want to take the contract sheet on your desk, but I''m afraid ... "


    Hearing about this, I turned to look at her, frowned tightly before stepping forward to take out the contract sheet and give it to her.


    When A Yeong received it, she looked at me and Kim Myungdae in turns nervously. She bowed and spoke before leaving this room. "Um, I have to go right away, sir. I have a lot of work to take care of now."


    Even A Yeong, the innocent woman, knew how tense the atmosphere was between us and left immediately.


    A few seconds after A Yeong left, Kim Myungdae began to speak indifferently, "Where have you been? Was it so important that you moved your meeting today?"


    "Yes, and now I''m still busy. I still have many things to finish." Although I was surprised when I heard that question, I continued to try to be calm as usual.


    "You are an idiot. You really are." He sighed heavily, then continued, "One of the investors canceled the contract because of your carelessness to cancel the meeting today. He just complained to me about this. Have you never thought that your father did everything in his power to attract those people to join us?"


    I was silent and wanted to be captive. That sounded ridiculous.


    What about you? Did you ever think that your son should leave all his pleasures from the past just to become a slave in his own family?


    Not getting any response, he let out a heavy sigh again.


    At the desk, he tapped his fingers. He looked at me for a moment before he asked seriously, "Where have you been?"


    Glancing at him, I replied indifferently, "None of your business."


    "Insolent. Where have you been?" he asked again firmly.


    I was silent.


    "Did you just meet Lee?"


    Hearing that question, I suddenly gasped in surprise. I looked at him without words.


    He laughed. "Heh, as I thought. I know you borrowed my men because you wanted to meet Lee." Pausing for a moment, he continued, "Did something happen between you two?"


    Feeling cornered, I sighed heavily, then replied, "Yes, but I can take care of it."


    Kim Myungdae grinned coldly. "Good."


    Previously, I wanted to ask him to cancel the contract with the GIM agency. The words were already on the tip of my tongue but it was swallowed up immediately when I saw his face in clear seriousness. Asking that would be like inviting a rattlesnake to bite your hand. It''s stupid, pointless.


    He spoke again. But this time, his voice was heard soft as a father talked to his son normally, "Okay, this time I forgive you. and forget about your business with Lee. Actually, I didn''t come here to say that. I just wanted to ask you to go to Gwangju right now. Your uncle ... look for you. He wants to meet you. I''ve booked a plane ticket for you. Now, you must hurry to the airport."


    "Looking for me?" I frowned tightly at him and asked in surprise, "Why is he looking for me? Unusual ... Why do I have to go to his place? If there is something important he has to tell, then why doesn''t he call me right away?"


    "Go now. Whatever your decision later, I''ll try to accept it." Paused for a moment, he continued, "But, I hope, you''ll think about me and your future too."


    "What do you mean?"


    "Just go meet your uncle if you want to know."


    After saying that, the expression on his face suddenly turned cold. No smiles and friendliness.


    However, he didn''t look angry at all, only that cold expression showed fortitude and also a sense of pity. He then left without saying a word.


    I was stunned. All my feelings as if stirring evenly in the same place. Sluggish, I headed for my desk and sat for a while thinking that my decision to find Chunghee today should be postponed.


    Finding Chunghee was an important thing, but my father''s order was absolute. Refusing it could get me into big trouble, that I wouldn''t be able to get a chance to seek it out in the future. So, to avoid that worse thing, obeying him was a way that must be chosen.


    In this restlessness, I continued to take deep breaths trying to maintain my composure and thought things through carefully and with common sense.

 Chapter 66 - Kim Daehyun: Nam Family

    However, those were complex thoughts that were difficult to explain. Everything was full of madness and the more I thought about it, the more intense pressure was driven to destroy my body at once.


    In this silence, inside I kept asking myself, What does it mean by ''whatever your decision, I''ll try to accept it''? Is this really serious? What is meant by words conveyed with a clear hope of ''think of me and your future''?


    To be honest, this was the first time in thirty-four years, I had seen my father show such an expression. Anger, fortitude, and happiness seemed to coalesce on his face and made his face turn complicated to understand. It was like rippling water that was stirred and produced a foam.


    Sighing, I leaned lazily into the chair, then looked at my watch. It was 2:00 p.m. presently, and I had been in Seoul for no less than two hours. However, within these two hours, the complex thoughts emerged like a pile of problems over two years. It was really complicated and made me almost cry.


    Does this city really curse me?


    Sometimes I thought that this city couldn''t accept me. Since I first set my foot in this city after so many years, one by one the problems came and piled up almost every week. Even, as time passed, it was increasing fastly with each passing day. If my problems were a company''s profit, the percentage level of earnings per share jumped up. It was strange but it really happened in my life.


    Thinking of that, I laughed hollowly ¡ª laughing at myself. It really didn''t allow me to tell the difference between my current situation, whether it was a sense of humor or a feeling of pity. Everything felt heavy on my back.


    Coming back from that thought, I immediately took my cell phone out of my pocket, then started calling someone.


    "Ah, Kim Daehyun, where are you now? I''m waiting for you in Gwangju today." A man''s deep voice was heard on the other line.


    Gritting my teeth, I asked, "Mr. Nam, what''s the matter? Why did you ask me to meet you there? Can''t we discuss this over the phone? I''m really busy today."


    "I''m your uncle, can''t you call me ''Uncle Nam''?" He ignored my words, then laughed.


    "Don''t waste my time. Please, tell me what do you need?"


    "So cold, like your father. You deserve to be my brother''s son." He chuckled before continuing, "I want to show you something. This should be seen by you personally ¡ª this is such a little surprise for you. So you have to come to my place by yourself."


    "My brother said that you can leave your busyness, so I don''t want to hear any reasons of you. I''ll be waiting for you at my house. My brother already booked a ticket for you, right? Don''t let me ask my brother to order someone to drag you over to me."


    Hearing threatening words like that, there was anger that I tried to suppress.


    However, since commenting would only cause an argument between us, I sighed silently and then hung up the phone without a response.


    He was Nam Yongsun, the younger brother of Kim Myungdae, my father. In the family tree, my grandfather, Kim Seoknim, gave his surname to my father as the first son and a leader. Whereas ''Nam'', from my grandmother''s surname, Nam Ihjun, was given to my father''s brother as the younger one.


    I had never had a good relationship with that person even though we were still in a close family circle. He''s bossy, and his attitude was worse than my father''s ¡ª even worse than Lee''s. He sometimes used [1]the dirty roads to achieve his goal and that way was cleaner than anything according to the Nam Family. So, what Lee did to bankrupt one of Nam''s companies was the image of the misbehavior of that family itself.


    As the first child, Kim Myungdae had many big responsibilities. He was required to stand alone, without depending on his own family even though he had the great authority to be the heir who inherited 70% of the power family. It was like a baby walking by himself, falling, and having no one to help him up. He had to try in his own strength to get up so that in the end a great reward was given to him. That''s also why my father demanded me to be perfect like him and bounded me to the strictest rules.


    When that thought crossed my mind, I shuddered a little. It was a terrible thing that he considered perfection.


    A few seconds after talking with him, someone knocked on the door and entered. A man dressed all in black spoke politely, "Young master, we must immediately go to the airport. This is a direct order from the grand master."


    I had no choice, then walked out as if I had lost my soul. I probably had lost all strength and enthusiasm within myself right now.


    Downstairs, another black man opened the door. I immediately got in and the car sped away. Then, I arrived a few minutes later at the airport and took a flight to Gwangju City immediately.


    At Gwangju airport, a luxurious black sedan was already picked up and immediately led me to the Nam Family House.


    When I arrived, a large mansion with a large courtyard became a familiar sight for me. However, as two brothers, my father and Nam Yongsun had the same interests. They both like European architectural styles with a bit of traditional South Korean art. It sounded strange, but what made it even more bizarre, the two different styles put together had created an incredible magnificence.


    I walked in and the housemaid welcomed me kindly. Then, a middle-aged man with a good physique greeted warmly, "Ah, Daehyun, you''ve finally here. Come, sit here."


    "Mr. Nam, it looks like you''re in a good mood today," while saying, I sat on a sofa, and Nam Yongsun sat opposite me.


    He smiled. "Of course. That''s because my beloved nephew came to visit me."


    It sounded really disgusting and made some of the hair on my hands flicker.


    "When my brother said that you were back from France, I wanted to visit you in Seoul, but I was in China on business at the time and only came back about three weeks ago."


    A maid brought two glasses of tea and various kinds of dessert. Nam Yongsun drank a sip of tea, then spoke again, "You''ve been in France for a dozen years, are you still hurt by your mother''s death?"


    I paused for a moment then replied coldly, "I don''t think about it anymore. It''s been a long time and I''ve almost forgotten about that matter until you reminded me of today."


    He laughed, then smiled. "So, what brought you back to this country?"


    Actually, being asked one personal question regularly had pissed me off. But, Out of respect, I forced myself to answer calmly, "I came back because I wanted to come back. Nothing else."


    [1] Dirty road means illegal businesses.

 Chapter 67 - Kim Daehyun: Marriage Offer

    "Hmm, it''s an interesting answer." He leaned lazily on the sofa and in an instant, the friendliness on his face disappeared.


    However, as I didn''t want to linger in this place, I immediately asked him about the point of the conversation, "What do you want to show me?"


    Lifting his gaze, he stared at me silently with a cold gaze. He then replied casually, "Nothing."


    Hearing his answer, I instantly became angry and stood up immediately while saying, "Nothing?! You''re wasting my time!"


    "Hey, hey, relax, just relax. there''s nothing I would show you but there''s something I will tell you, and this is important." With a pause, he sat up straight, then continued, "If I was straightforward, you would never want to come here, right?"


    I stared at him angrily before sitting back down. "Then, what is it?"


    Chuckling, he took a sip of his tea before saying, "You really look like my brother. He doesn''t like chit-chat at all. But, before we get to the point, I''d like to discuss something. What about your business? I heard, my brother is quite close with Lee, is that true?"


    "Yeah. But they''re just colleagues. They ain''t that close."


    "Heh, no way ... then, what about you? Are you also in business with him?"


    I was reluctant to answer, but since I couldn''t urge this situation, I replied briefly, "No."


    "No?"


    Grinning, I took a sip of tea before answering in clearer words, "I mean, not yet. I haven''t had any cooperation with him yet at the moment, but soon, we will. In a different company, and for the realm of property. My father asked me to do it."


    "Huh?" Nam Yongsun laughed. "That''s ridiculous. How can my brother still trust that kid? I even remember vividly the time when he took my company down to zero. And, what hurt me was my brother on good terms with him in business. I felt betrayed at that time."


    It sounded like a subtle sarcasm, or did he just quip himself? The two of them weren''t that different in playing in the business world. He had even trying to stab his own brother in the back.


    However, since I didn''t want to show any emotions, I tried to speak calmly, "Yes, but you should know that it has nothing to do with my father. After all, this matter has also been resolved, right? You shouldn''t bring this up again."


    "Interesting." He smiled. "It seems, you know it quite clearly, even though it happened long before you returned from abroad. Did my brother tell you?"


    "Yes, he did. He told me everything."


    He chuckled.


    "Brother Kim!" A woman''s voice was heard in our pause all of a sudden.


    The voice was so familiar that I immediately turned my head to look at the person who had just called out to me with a dominant cheerful tone.


    As soon as I turned my head, a small woman had already jumped at me and almost spilled the tea that was on the table. She then sat beside me, and spoke in a shrill tone that almost made me deaf, "Brother Kim! You came back, since when?!"


    "Ah In?" I frowned tightly at her. At first, I didn''t recognize her and after a few seconds of observing her face, I was convinced that she was Nam Ah In, a smile appeared without me knowing it. "You, are you Ah In? You''re an adult now."


    Hearing my words, she immediately frowned. "How could I be a little girl all the time!"


    Time flew really fast. It had been sixteen years since I saw him last time. We were ten years apart. Since our last meeting, she was just a little girl.


    However, now, time turned a little girl back then into a mature woman, who wore a dark miniskirt with a tight white shirt and treads on elegant high heels, exposing long legs with beautiful curves of her slender body.


    I barely even recognized her, but her voice and demeanor immediately convinced me that this grown woman beside me, who was hugging my arm and acting spoiled, was the little girl I had ever known.


    Physically, she had completely changed, but mentally, she had not even changed at all.


    "Ah In, hurry up and leave now. Your driver has been waiting for you since earlier." Nam Yongsun spoke in a commanding tone.


    Frowning, Ah In immediately stood up. "This is my first meeting with my Brother Kim," paused, she turned to me and said, "Brother Kim, I have to go now. Wait for me, I''ll be back soon as my business is done."


    After her words, she then left, walking gracefully like a career woman full of charm to the door.


    A few seconds after Ah In left, Yongsun spoke again, "What do you think, she has grown into a beautiful woman, right?"


    I nodded, then took a sip of my tea.


    "Aren''t you interested in her? Forget about family. If you want, I can marry you off to my daughter. I mean it. I can persuade your father."


    That was a ridiculous joke. I almost burst out laughing, but I didn''t want to lose my dignity. So, I just smiled and spoke casually, "Mr. Nam, don''t waste your daughter''s life. I am already thirty-four years old, Ah In is still very young at her current age. She has indeed grown as a beautiful woman, she deserves to get someone whom she loves."


    To be precise, for now, I was into someone else and had no interest in others anymore. This feeling was earnest.


    "Too bad. But, about this marriage. I mean it."


    Hearing his tone turn serious, I froze for a moment then glared at him, "Heh, I''m not going to marry your daughter."


    He chuckled. "Not my daughter. But, this is my colleague''s daughter of Hwang family."


    Hearing about this, I immediately frowned at him. There was a sudden feeling of surprise in my chest and made my heart beat faster. Now, I understand why he asked me to come specifically to meet him and why my father said such things. Everything was obvious because of a marriage offer.


    "Her father is my business partner for almost eight years. He has a daughter named Hwang Mihyun, the same age as Ah In. She studied Nuclear Engineering at one of the top universities in England and is very skilled in that field. She has received many awards for her achievements and has contributed a lot in the Field of Nuclear Development."


    "Mr. Hwang and I have talked about this before about a year ago. I said that I also have a nephew who is currently in France and says a lot about you. He is also interested in you and wants to strengthen the relationship with your family through marriage. So when I found out that you had returned from France, I immediately told your father."


    "No. I don''t want to. She''s too young. I haven''t thought about marrying anyone either," I replied firmly.


    "Forget about it. Don''t miss this opportunity."


    He took out a photo and showed it to me. I grabbed it and saw a beautiful woman with long flowing hair, posing gracefully in the photo.


    "It will also be good for the development of your business. The Hwang family is one of the most respected families in South Korea. They are rivals of your father. That will expand your connections later."


    Staring at the photo for a moment, I laughed hollowly. I didn''t know exactly what I was feeling right now, other than the stubborn refusal in my heart. I threw the photo away in front of him, then stood up and turned around to quickly get out of this place.


    However, Kim Yongsun immediately spoke firmly, "You will insult them and you will embarrass your own family."


    "I''ll take care of my own businesses," I spoke without turning my head and walked out of this place.


    The anger in my chest gradually became clear. So, to avoid the madness that could out of control, leaving this place was the right choice.


    While in the car, I took my cell phone out of my coat pocket and immediately called Kim Myungdae.


    "Have you spoken to your uncle?" His voice sounded weak but still in a predominantly cold tone.


    "Yes, I have, and I refused."


    He paused for a moment, then spoke, "What''s your reason then? The daughter of the Hwang family is already perfect. I hope you give the right reason." While speaking, disappointment and surprise were held together in his throat.


    I sighed. "Dad, look, I''m working on project development. I can''t think about marriage right now. Didn''t you say you would accept my decision?"


    "But, how long will you be single?"


    "Please, I don''t want to talk about marriage right now."


    There was a long pause before he replied in a disappointed voice, "Heh, all right, it''s up to you then."


    After that brief conversation, I immediately booked a plane ticket to go to Jeju, to attend a meeting.


    Today was really tiring. After receiving the news that Chunghee disappeared, I had to get another offer to get married. It almost drove me crazy that same day.


    ***

 Chapter 68 - Two Things Collide With Each Other

    "Chunghee, have you visited Sister Hyu Nie''s grave?"


    I smiled. I walked toward a middle-aged woman who asked me while she was cleaning the windows of her house. Once near her, I replied, "Yes, I have. I was just there to change the flower and pray for her."


    Hyu Nie was the name of my mother. Meanwhile, the woman who just asked me was my mother''s younger sister, Bo Hwa. Even though she was almost fifty years old, her face still looked younger than her age.


    She lived alone as her two sons were working outside the city, while her husband had died since her eldest son was ten years old and her younger son was five years old.


    However, even though she was my mother''s younger sister, I didn''t get along with her well as we saw each other rarely. As I remembered, from the past until now, we had only met three times; since I was five years old at my mother''s funeral ¡ª when my grandmother died ¡ª and now.


    Distance and busyness were the main reasons for us not seeing each other rarely. She lived and worked in Jeju, while I lived and worked in Seoul. Moreover, in the past, my busy schedules never made me think about ''family gatherings''.


    Since her husband''s death, Bo Hwa had chosen not to remarry and was raising her two sons on her own. Even though those days were the hardest days for her, she managed to get through it all by hard work that wasn''t the least bit teary.


    She told me that about two days ago while sobbing when she remembered how hard her life in the past, and made me feel both amazed and sorry when I heard a heart-wrenching story from her.


    It seemed that I could make a story from her as a lesson to forget someone I still loved. It was also proof that without even a loved one, someone would also be able to survive.


    She smiled and stopped his activities immediately, then put the cloth she used to clean the window by the door.


    "Come in. I just brewed tea," she said kindly, as she took my arm and led me to sit on a wooden chair in the yard.


    Then, she entered the house and came out by carrying two cups of tea in his hand. "Here, I heard this green tea is the best, so I bought it yesterday. But, I just tried it today, hope it will taste good." She chuckled until the wrinkles at the corners of her lips and under her eyes were visible.


    I smiled in response to her words, then sipped the hot tea that she had just put on the table.


    "How does it taste?"


    "Delicious."


    Honestly, the taste was quite bland, and since I wasn''t a lover of tea ¡ª any type of tea ¡ª for me ¡ª tasted no different.


    "Chunghee?"


    I put my tea that I just enjoyed back on the table, and got ready to hear a thing she would say. Her face turned serious, cold but there was courage in it. She asked, "So, you are going to Sokcho tomorrow morning?"


    I nodded to answer while smiling at her.


    "Hmm, but Chunghee, where have you been all this time? It''s twenty-seventh years ... or even more since your mother''s death, but I haven''t seen you visit her grave all this time ¡ª just this time."


    The question took me by surprise. I lowered my gaze a little, then answered in a low voice, "I visited her four or ... five years ago. However, I was quite busy at that time, so I couldn''t take the time to visit you here."


    It had been quite a while, and I knew that I was indeed a sinful child.


    I seldom visited her. Even, during my parent''s death, twenty-seventh years ago, I was despicable to only visit my parent''s grave four times until now. It made me like a selfless adult!


    After hearing my explanation, she was stunned; staring blankly at the cup of tea in front of her.


    Until the next few seconds, the woman could be heard sighing heavily, and in a weak voice she spoke, "I feel bad for our family ..."


    She lowered her gaze for a moment and I could see a tear falling on her face, almost got into her tea. "Our family is selfish. Including me. We are more concerned with our works than having to meet each other. I don''t even know the news from our entire extended family. And sadly, we will only be met if one of our families faces God."


    Unable to contain the deep sadness, she began to cry slowly and getting stronger. She stammered to say her words, "How sad ... only death that ... brings this family together. We ... will only greet each other ... if ... if one of us are grieving."


    Her sadness made me realize that she had been wanting to complain about her disappointment with our family for a long time ago but couldn''t find the right one until I came as a place for her to talk about it.


    I looked at her with sorrowful feelings, lamenting her words that were the truth. Everything she said wasn''t falsehood. It immediately made me realize that I also had thought about such things a long time ago.


    However, as I was someone who was busy and blinded by someone''s love, made that thought just disappear like dust blown by the wind.


    I took her hand for warmth and hoped that her crying would subside soon. There was nothing I could do at this point, apart from giving a gentle touch and being empathetic. I didn''t know if it would fade her sorrow or even deepen it.


    She had not said anything yet with tears rolling in her eyes. While I was also silenced by feelings that couldn''t make me say a word, apart from just continuing to look guiltily.


    Until a few seconds later, she pulled her hand from my grasp, then wiped her tears. She smiled to drown out her sadness.


    After calming down, she spoke, "Chunghee, are you married?"


    I flinched, and was stunned for a moment before answering with a smile, "I''m not married yet. I don''t even think about it right now."


    "Really? Then the ring?" while saying, her eyes glanced down at my hand.


    Realizing her looking at my finger, I immediately pulled my hand, hiding it under the table. "Ah, this ... this isn''t a wedding ring."


    I lowered my gaze with my hands clasped tightly under the table. I didn''t want to answer my current relationship with someone and was silent until finally, her cell phone rang.


    "Ah, hello? Good afternoon, sir¡ª"


    When she answered the phone, she immediately stood up and stepped away from me a little.


    After she left to pick up the phone, I immediately breathed a sigh of relief. I was grateful as I didn''t have to tell another lie.


    I looked at the ring on my finger and felt mournful in my heart. I squeezed my chest to relax myself and sighed heavily.


    I really wanted to take this ring off, but my hand refused the wish. However, if this coiled around my fingers, it would also continue to hurt me.


    These were two things that collided with each other.


    "Chunghee, I have to go right away."


    Her voice startled me. I immediately turned towards her and forced a smile.


    She looked in a hurry. Tidied up her clothes, she spoke hastily, "I have an urgent business all of a sudden."


    Seeing her was about to leave, I stood up. "Hmm, I have to go too. I have to prepare all my things."


    Hearing about this, she suddenly stopped and asked, "Give me your number. I''ll call you when I go to Seoul one day."


    I was stunned for a moment before saying, "I lost my cell phone. But, you can meet me in Sokcho. I''ll be there ¡ª at my grandmother''s house."


    By the look on her face, she looked so surprised to hear my words. However, perhaps because she was in such a hurry, she didn''t respond. She just smiled and then left.


    After she left, I also left to relax myself.


    However, while walking away, the tears that had been held back flowing with emotions from all my sadness, regarding our recent conversation, where our family would only be reunited only at the death.


    Thinking about this, something crossed my mind all of a sudden.


    What about me? Will my family come to visit me when I die?


    I was helpless when it came to family.


    Everyone, whoever I consider being family didn''t really care about me.


    Donghwa ...


    My sobs were getting stronger, made my steps stop. It really hurt. By just remembering his name made me hurt even more.


    He didn''t even realize that he was the most precious person in my life and the only one I considered as my family right now. However, he was forced me to leave and sacrifice my feelings for these many years as he wanted me to do it.

 Chapter 69 - Intending To Commit Suicide.

    I touched my chest as I remembered how Donghwa said something I never wanted to hear back then and felt how the intense pain ripped through my feelings more than before.


    I knew that all his words at that time were something he said accidentally. However, I really couldn''t tolerate the same mistakes over and over again. I had succumbed to him too much and spoiled him too often, but never thought that he would stab me with my own weakness. Not just once, but even many times.


    Didn''t he learn from our previous arguments? It should be that after a lot of things had happened, he should know how to control his anger.


    However, maybe because he was a person who was spoiled by me too often, always thought that he was right because of my attitude that often gave in, so he thought that everything would always be the same when we argue, where he would win and I was the one who lost.


    It was probably my fault from the start that Donghwa thought that he was the dominant person in our relationship.


    Leaning limply against the lamppost, my tears grew even stronger regardless of how the passersby saw me. I seemed to have lost myself. Shame, happiness, dignity, honor, self-confidence, everything seemed to be destroyed after I chose to leave, and all of that was left the wounds that grew wider and festering from day by day.


    Seeing me crying on the side of the road, a middle-aged woman and her two grandchildren who were about to pass me suddenly stopped. She touched my arm, then asked me anxiously, "Young man, are you all right?"


    I glanced at her with eyes filled with tears and pains but didn''t answer anything. I cleaned my eyes with my scarf, then left in a hurry without a word.


    I didn''t know how to respond to such a question anymore. In the past, I might still be able to say "I''m okay" because I still hoped that my relationship would change for the better way one day but now, I really couldn''t say the same thing again while all the hopes I tried to maintain in my heart broke in just the blink of an eye.


    When I arrived at the house I rented, I immediately went in and locked the door. I took off my scarf, threw it anywhere, then ran to the front of the vertical mirror, staring at myself who looked so pathetic.


    Crying, I saw how I was in the mirror. Thin, sick, unhappy, and miserable. I even felt sorry when I saw my own reflection. I never thought that loving someone would be this painful. Of the many heartaches I had received, the current pain was the worst.


    Doctor Jeong said that I had Glioblastoma, which was malignant brain cancer. However, I never felt worried whether the illness would kill me or not, besides what worried me the most was how I felt as I loved someone for too long.


    If I was going to die soon, then what killed me wasn''t this illness but my own feeling. I could feel how this feeling of loving began to destroy me mentally, and then gradually destroyed my body from inside. This feeling was even more vicious than the illness I was suffering from.


    Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I spoke in a trembling voice, "Donghwa, you''re stupid. You''re stupid. You''re so stupid. Of all your stupidity, kicking me out is the stupidest thing you have ever done."


    "Don''t you realize how I''ve been holding on for you all this time? Don''t you know how I play dumb for your bad behavior out there all this time? How can you do this to me after I stand so desperately for you for three years?"


    "If I want to leave you, I can leave you for a long time ago but I choose not to, and become an idiot who you can fool around. I can accept how you treat me like that and how bad you are. I can accept you for who you are. But, why? Why? Why are you doing this to me? Why are you so stupid?"


    "Are you sure that your other lover will be able to replace me? Are you that sure that he can last three years with your stubborn attitude? If you''re that sure, then fine. I''ll give up on you. Good luck with that person."


    After saying all the complaints, I laughed hollowly. I had been crying for so long that my eyes hurt, so now I could only laugh at myself.


    Paused for a moment, I glanced at the balcony. Silent a second, then I started walking like a soulless body. I opened the door on the balcony and suddenly the wind hit my face like a freedom wind.


    I smiled weakly and walked back until I reached the guardrail. Looking up at the scenery stretching from South to North, the beauty of Jeju city made me think about ending my life in this city.


    What a coincidence, the house I rented was on the fifth floor. If I jumped from this place, then I would only feel the pain once in an instant. After that, I would no longer be in pain both mentally and physically. I also wouldn''t have to endure this suffering for too long and would have eternal freedom, where there was neither pain nor pleasure. I would only sleep in quietness until one day I was reborn as someone else with different memory.


    Yes, it was true. I didn''t have to wait too long to become a corpse to be buried. I just needed to decide it today.


    If only I died today, then no one would cry for me.


    I looked at the crowd below and accidentally saw the lovers who were passing through this building by holding hands. They both looked so happy. Then, I shifted my gaze in another direction and saw a family walking together. The three of them also looked so happy.


    Seeing all the happiness of everyone, I concluded that this rotten world was indeed full of injustice. When other people were happy, some people had to suffer. While other people laughed happily, others had to cry. All of that made me twice as sick as before.


    After that, I lifted my gaze, staring at the expanse of the blue ocean at the edge of my vision. I thought that no matter how bad the world was, there were natural paintings that always looked stunning.


    However, unfortunately, I couldn''t enjoy that for too long. I had lived for thirty-two years, loving someone for ten years, and suffering for three years.


    Now, I was tired of my situation and wanted to rest from all these painful things.


    But, as soon as I was about to lift my feet, the sound of the doorbell that was pressed for a long time seemed to bring back my soul that had been wandering somewhere.


    I woke up, like someone who just experienced apparent death. I glanced back at the door before turning and walking to open it.


    As soon as the door opened, a middle-aged man smiled. He was the landlord who came to collect taxes. He said pleasantly, "Mr. Park, don''t you want to extend the lease on this house?"


    "No, sir. I''ll be leaving tomorrow morning. Please come in, I''ll take my rent," I replied with a smile, which seemed to cover up my bad intentions to commit suicide earlier.


    "No need, sir. I''ll just wait here."


    "All right then."


    I immediately went into the room to get a few tens of won, then came back and gave it to the man. He smiled, and immediately left this place, moving to another door.


    After closing the door, I threw mybody on the sofa, leaning my back against the back of the sofa with my head facing up. Staring at the ceiling, I began to regret what I had thought previously.


    Since leaving Seoul five days ago, I had never thought any saner but I didn''t expect that I would intend to commit suicide today because of this despair.


    I smiled weakly, didn''t expect that Donghwa would make me so desperate and become even more insane than before.


    Donghwa was the worst person I had known so far, but sadly, he never wanted to take responsibility.


    I glanced at the clock hanging on the wall which showed five o''clock. It''s evening now, so I intended to spend the rest of the day just sleeping. I didn''t want to eat and was lazy to make dinner as if I had lost my passion for life, which I just hoped that remaining time tonight was the rest of my life so that the next day I didn''t have to feel the same pains.


    However, God still wanted me to feel this suffering so He wanted me to wake up early in the morning and feel the same pains as usual, which was always increasing every day.


    I could only smile and accept this fact gracefully because complaining was just a waste.

 Chapter 70 - An Unexpected Meeting

    I leaned against the side of the door. With the inactive cell phone in my hand, I looked at it curiously and wondered, is there someone looking for me now? Is Donghwa looking for me right now? It had been almost a week since I turned off my cell phone, which seemed frozen in my hand and completely useless.


    The screen was black, looked gloomy and there was no hope in it. Staring at my cell phone silently, I didn''t want to turn it back on even though I wanted so badly to notify someone at this time, who might not worry me at all, that I would leave and would never want to come back to him again.


    Once you threw me out, then at that time everything had ended up like broken glass and would never come back intact like-new glass. Even if you manage to put it back together by using glue, the result would never be the same as before, nor did my feeling.


    Thinking of this, I let out a heavy sigh. That thought should no longer be worth thinking about, but I couldn''t stop doing so.


    It was useless for me to think of someone I wanted to forget in my life even though I knew that doing so was futile. Then, I quickly slipped my cell phone back into my pocket and started walking downstairs.


    I couldn''t think of anything that day. With feelings I couldn''t control, I left with nothing ¡ª not even my medicines. There were only the clothes I wore and the money on my card which I should use for my medical checkup after surgery, which was destroyed only because of a misunderstanding. So, I could only grimace and cry to endure the pain that could come at any time. It tormented me, but the pain couldn''t be compared to torture both physically and mentally that left me dying.


    However, I was also quite lucky. With this card, I could rent a house and pay for my transportation to Jeju and Sokcho, then I would donate the rest to those who were more in need.


    After being downstairs, I was waiting for the car to pick me up at the airport. I leaned my back against the wooden fence and stared at the deserted street with a blank gaze.


    While waiting, occasionally I shuddered as the cold wind gently touched my skin. Even wearing a thick coat made of camel skin and a scarf around my neck, the cold air almost made me shiver.


    "Chunghee!"


    Hearing a familiar voice calling me in the distance, I immediately turned my head and saw my aunt who was rushing towards me.


    "I''m so glad I could see you before leaving. Even though I can''t take you to the airport, at least I can see you before you leave." She embraced me after saying her words.


    I smiled at her. The warmth of the familial embrace did have a different kind of warmth. This was something I had hardly felt since years ago.


    "Chunghee, I will miss you. Take care of yourself. Look at yourself, you''re very thin and your skin is very pale. You look like someone who is sick." While saying, she let go of her hands.


    "I''ll miss you too. You also have to take good care of yourself and don''t forget to visit me when you have time."


    "Of course."


    A few moments later, a black car was parked on the sidewalk, and a middle-aged driver came out with a friendly smile. He walked towards me, speaking in a friendly manner, "Good morning, sir, are you, Mr. Park?"


    "Ah, yes, I am." I turned to look at Bo Hwa, then shook her hand. "Well, I think I have to go right away. Don''t forget to come to visit me in Sokcho, okay? I''ll be waiting for you at grandma''s house."


    "Of course. If I have time, I''ll come there. Take care of yourself, Chunghee. You should also visit me back here if you have time." She gave me another warm embrace before I headed to the airport.


    I could only hope that this meeting wasn''t a farewell meeting. I also hoped that in the following winter, I could still see the snow even though it sounded impossible for me.


    When I arrived at the airport, I intended to wait for the flight''s scheduled departure for about forty minutes ahead in a large and crowded hall.


    Before sitting on the bench, I went to a drink machine that wasn''t far from where I was standing. However, as I passed through the seated crowd, a person who was sitting about a few feet away from me, who was currently staring at the cell phone in his hand, looked familiar to me. So, I decided to buy two drinks to greet that person.


    "Hey, you were Donghwa''s colleague at that time, right?" When near him, I asked while handing him a drink. At first, he looked doubtful, but finally, he grabbed it reluctantly.


    This was an unexpected meeting for us. I was surprised as well as he was, but I tried to cover my expression with smiles.


    By the look on his face, he looked displeased with my hospitality like someone who had known him for a long time. However, if he knew my true heart, that I was doing this only because I wasn''t a vengeful person, and didn''t want to blame him for the breakup of my relationship with Donghwa.


    "I''m Park Chunghee. What is your name?" I asked after sitting beside him. My voice was a little hoarse.


    He glanced at me sharply, then suddenly replied coldly, "You don''t know me? Or are you just pretending as you did back then?"


    I frowned tightly. "What do you mean?"


    However, the young man showed a different expression. He then gave a cold reply that sounded indifferent, "You don''t have to be friendly to me because I''ll never do the same as you, get it?"


    I smiled, and immediately understood the meaning of his words. "Oh, I got it. I''m sorry. But, if you hate me just because of my relationship with Donghwa, then I''m sorry."


    He was about to stand up, but my hand immediately held his hand, "Wait, about Donghwa, ... do you really love him?"


    "I don''t want to hear that question from you!" As he said, he looked away and threw out his hand.


    I took a silent breath, tried to be calm, and spoke again, "I mean it. I really want to know how you feel about him."


    Hearing those words, he slowly turned his head towards me, with his eyes that flashed an inconceivable rage. As for me ... I could only show a sincere smile even though he didn''t think it was.


    "You really love him. I can see it in your eyes." I sighed heavily before continuing to say, "I don''t mind when there is someone who sincerely loves him, like you. But ... can I ask you something? I never thought of you as a foe or wanted to compete with you. I''m too old to do something like that. I just wanted to ask this as a supportive friend."


    There was silence for a few moments, then I spoke again, "Will you take care of him? Will you stay with him till the end? He is indeed temperamental, selfish, stubborn, and very possessive about the things he is passionate about. Sometimes, he also acts like a child, spoiled, and always wants to listen. However, you must know that he is someone who will always love you."


    "I''m sure, he likes you too. Therefore, make him crazy about you more than this. And, when he has fallen too deep, never leave him, but take care of him. I beg you. Promise me."


    He was just silent with a sullen face.


    I smiled bitterly. This young man was Donghwa''s type. Donghwa would be lying to himself if he didn''t want to admit it. I knew that pretty well.


    "That wound on your face ... I know that he did it."


    He flinched a little after hearing my words, but his trembling lips still didn''t say anything.


    "Forgive him. Will you forgive him? I beg you. He isn''t the type to be good at apologizing, so I will convey it to him. I beg you, please, forgive him."


    Still not saying anything, he immediately stood up. He looked away, didn''t want to look at me, and I could tell that his eyes were teary as he wanted to cry before he left without responding to my words first.


    After he left, I was stunned, pondering all the words I had just said.


    I understand Donghwa even more than that kid. He didn''t even know anything about Donghwa. I could judge it by the look on the face he showed when I reveal Donghwa''s true nature. But, after saying my words, he would understand more.


    A few moments later, the departure schedule was announced and I immediately got up, then went to the boarding gate.


    After entering, I watched people wave at each other. They could be seen laughing, joking with each other, and some of them gave smiles that showed sadness. Everything made me jealous of those who could do things like that with someone he loved. Until someone well-dressed and handsome, who was standing in the corner of the crowd from outside the boarding gate, made me startled.

 Chapter 71 - Promise Me

    When our eyes met, I could see the expression on his face explode all of a sudden. A strong wave seemed to hit my chest, like a current that carried a feeling of disbelief at the same time.


    My eyes widened open instantly, and I froze with surprise when I saw someone who showed the same expression as me. I froze with my mouth slightly open.


    Impossible!


    This is impossible!


    The disbelief left me silent without a word at this point. I could only turn my face, not wanted to stare at him any longer.


    "Chunghee!"


    As he exclaimed, calling my name from a distance, I reflexively turned my head towards him. When I saw that he was about to enter this place so he could catch up with me, who was now getting farther away, it made the uneasiness all over my body even stronger. But, fortunately, swiftly several airport officers immediately stopped him before passing through the boarding gate.


    However, because of his action, he had made the people in this place stare at him uncomfortably when he began to force his way in. He was about to beat up several officers so that people exclaimed in shock at the tense situation.


    In that instant, several men in black suits stopped the officer who touched him violently. Then, one of them had a brief conversation, like he was negotiating, so the officer allowed him to enter. Meanwhile, the men in black suits were still waiting outside the boarding gate.


    He really deserved to be a person in power and always did what he pleased.


    "Chunghee!"


    He ran towards me while continuing to call out my name several times. Meanwhile, I could only stare at him with my body froze and fortitude on my face. Until, when he grabbed my body and embraced me tightly, I woke up instantly with a gasp of breath.


    I was about to return an embrace from him, but when I saw the attention of the people in this place were on us, my hands moved to push his body but it was in vain. He even embraced me tighter and tighter.


    "Daehyun, let go of me."


    "No! I won''t let you go."


    "Please, people are watching us." I tried to hold back my uneasiness.


    Finally, he listened to me and slowly let go of his hands. He asked, "Tell me, where will you go? Let me accompany you."


    I stared at his face for a moment, yet couldn''t believe that we would meet unexpectedly in this place. I was about to scold him, but when I saw his eyes that looked sincere about his words, I couldn''t help but smile. Ignoring his words, I asked, "Where have you been?"


    However, it seemed like Daehyun didn''t want to make small talk and emphasized his words. "Tell me, where are you going? I''ll take you there."


    Sighing, I replied, "Daehyun, I want to be alone for now. I don''t want someone to cry over me later."


    "What do you mean?"


    I smiled and spoke weakly, "Don''t look for me, okay? Promise me."


    Instantly the sincerity on his face turned cold. He frowned tightly at me. The corners of his lips curled slightly downward, then he said deeply, "You want me to make a promise? Do you think I''m someone who always keeps his promises in a situation like this?" He smiled coldly. "No problem. If you don''t want to tell me, I''ll find out by myself."


    Daehyun''s voice was subtle, but the subtlety was like an intangible poison that seemed to make someone feel depressed because of his words.


    "Daehyun, I just want to be alone," I said a little pitifully.


    He narrowed his eyes, showing a cold grin that explained that a nice person could also be so creepy when he started feeling sickened.


    "So, you want to be alone? Tch! Wh¡ª" He stopped all of a sudden, and ended up with a bitter smile on his face.


    After saying that, he walked away, without saying goodbye; without smiling as usual; and even reluctant to turn to me. He left with a coldness that I can still feel in my bones.


    Seeing his attitude changed all of a sudden, made me think about him the whole time, worried that if I had made the mistake of making a nice guy like him would end up like Donghwa in the future. I even kept thinking of him every step of the way into the plane.


    Less than ten minutes before the plane took off. When I was inside, my chaotic thoughts didn''t give me any peace.


    Honestly, I didn''t want Daehyun to get angry and harbor hatred. However, asking him to leave was a better way than having to make him feel sadness in his heart if he was with me.


    Thinking about this, the worry in my chest became clearer.


    I sat by the window with an elderly woman beside me. When I looked out the window, eying Jeju City which would probably be the last city I visited, the woman asked in a low voice, "Young man, do you live in Sokcho?"


    I turned to her, who was showing a smile, which seemed to remind me of my grandmother.


    This person was indeed younger than her even though by an age gap that might not be that different, but the warmth of the smile she showed was the same thing, made me feel my past story.


    I smiled, then replied kindly, "I live in Seoul, madame. But, I will stay in Sokcho for now on," paused for a moment, I immediately frowned, then asked, "Wait, are you doing this trip by yourself?"


    The woman chuckled. "I thought, you are a quiet person, and apparently you are also a talkative person." She sighed softly before continuing, "Yes, I am, but I am used to it. In the past, I was always with my husband, but he has been dead for a few years ago."


    "Ah, I''m sorry, I shouldn''t ask such a thing." There is regret in my voice.


    The woman chuckled l again. "Ah, it''s okay. I have a granddaughter working on this plane, so I''m not that worried. If you weren''t married, I wanted to set you up with my granddaughter. Because it seems like you are a good man and generous. How you speak is very polite. I really like it." She spoke in jest.


    "Um, I haven''t thought about getting merry." Turning my gaze out the window, I smiled bitterly.


    "So, you aren''t married yet?"


    I nodded in response.


    "Really? But the ring?"


    I was a little surprised. Everyone who saw the ring on my finger would always think about a wedding.


    This ring was very disturbing. But, for some reason, I was reluctant to take it off.


    For a moment I stared at the ring on my finger and stroked it gently, smiling to cover the arousing thing in my heart. "This is just ... jewelry."


    Hearing my words, she sighed heavily and then touched my hand gently. "Young man, listen, when we love someone, there will be many feelings we feel. It''s like being a spice in a relationship. Acting stupid has also become commonplace. I think a young man like you knows it more than an elderly like me."


    "Okay, I will say this as a grandma to you, that a broken relationship which we thought was irreparable, is actually something that can be sustained if both of them still have a strong sense of belonging. We can fix it."


    "However, for the matter of ''leaving'', it doesn''t mean we hate each other or are tired of our relationship, but only to teach a lesson; give awareness of a mistake ..."


    I was stunned after hearing her words, which seemed to say that she already knew the problem in my relationship. Lowering my gaze a little, I smiled weakly but gave no response.


    Someone had said this previously. I thought that the suffering on my face could no longer be covered so that people would be able to see how much I was suffering right now. It sounded sensible, but I was too stupid to take that advice.


    After my words, she exclaimed in panic, "Son! Your nose is bleeding! God, as I thought, you''re sick when I saw your pale face."


    I touched my nose and saw the bloodstain on my hand ¡ª this no longer took me by surprise. I swept my eyes towards the woman, who was frantically looking for something in her bag. After finding a packet of tissue, he hurriedly handed it to me. "Here, quickly clean your nose!"


    Grabbing a tissue, I smiled weakly. "I''m fine. I''m just tired. You don''t have to worry about me."


    "Young man¡ª"


    "Dear passengers, welcome to our Jeon-Air flight to Sokcho, which will take us in approximately one hour and twenty minutes."


    Announcements regarding flight departure were heard.


    "Ah, the plane is about to take off. Come on, clean your nose, son, and get some rest."


    I smiled while cleaning the blood on my nose. When I heard her caring me so much attention to me, made me relax a little.


    It had been a long time since I felt a ''parent'' concern.

 Chapter 72 - Full Of Falsehood

    The day after I arrived in Sokcho. At my grandmother''s house, I started cleaning some of the places in this house. Due to tiredness since arriving a day ago, I took more breaks and only cleaned up a few parts yesterday.


    I was also so grateful that during my time visiting so rarely, there was an old man of about seventy years old, who lived not far from this place and the one who kept the key, always cleaning this house twice a week, so I didn''t need to work a lot today.


    Since the last time I came here, I had said to him that it wasn''t something he needed to do, but he still insisted on doing things of his own accord, ignoring my words. It was hard on me, but saying it was also a waste. He didn''t want to listen to my words.


    The old man once said that in the past, my grandmother was someone who always helped him during her life, and in return for her gratitude, he always took care of this house during my grandmother''s death and as long as I, who rarely visited this house, had been around eleven years ago.


    When cleaning the living room, I occasionally stared at the objects that never change their position at all, only the color was fading on some sides, such as the photos that were hanging on the wall and some were displayed on the table.


    As I cleaned them up, each one of the photos reminded me of a memory that I had not remembered for a long time ago.


    However, when I saw all the photos, they immediately made me smile and remember that in the past, I was that happy too.


    Remembering about this, already made me want to go back to that age and not want to become an adult. It wasn''t that I regretted it. I wouldn''t regret the current situation I was in. But, it was just that, I missed the times when I never felt lonely.


    An hour later, after cleaning the whole room, I went to the kitchen to prepare lunch for myself. However, when I was about to take a step, I heard someone knocking on the door. I immediately turned towards the door and opened it.


    "Ah, Chunghee, do you still remember me?" A woman was standing with a smile of kindness in front of me.


    Judging by her face, she was almost the same age as me but slightly older than me, about thirty-six - thirty-eight years old. In her hand was a plate of food, he spoke friendly, "Here, I brought food for you. My father said if you come to visit this house."


    That woman was the daughter of the kind old man who took care of this house. Although I didn''t remember her name, her familiar face had not changed much, so I recognized her immediately.


    I smiled, then invited her to come in. Even though she refused several times, I, who kept forcing her, managed to persuade her to stay for a while.


    While he was waiting in the living room, I made a drink in the kitchen and immediately set it on the table.


    "Um, where is your friend?" she asked.


    "Hmm?"


    "Why didn''t you come with your friend?"


    I immediately frowned in confusion when she asked about a ''friend'' to me. I had no idea who she meant by "friend," so I asked, "Friend? Who do you mean?"


    The woman''s forehead creased. She tilted her head slightly, looking confused after hearing my question. "Ah, that ... your handsome friend. The one who came with you to this place when you visited your grandmother''s grave about ... four or five years ago. His name ... if I''m not mistaken ... Do ... Dokyu. .. Do¡ª "


    "Donghwa?"


    Instantly her eyes widened and both of her foreheads lifted. Her face was bright and there was an obvious joy. When I saw that expression, I was sure that the name I just said was correct.


    Oh, so the person she meant was Donghwa ...


    That''s pretty impressive. Someone who had only met Donghwa once since years ago could still remember him ¡ª even I almost forgot that Donghwa had been to Sokcho with me.


    "Ah, yes, that''s right! His name is Lee Donghwa ¡ª Mr. Lee! Huh, I still remember him. He is very handsome. If I were your age and not married at that time, I would try to win his heart," she spoke in jest and laughed at her words quite loudly. She spoke again, "But, why don''t you ask him to come with you again? Didn''t he already say that he would come with you again another time?"


    I sighed heavily, the corners of my lips lifted slightly after hearing her words. Even Donghwa had ever spoken the sweet words like that? I didn''t remember that he had said those words. He was really good at covering up his true self in front of people. If this woman knew what Donghwa really was, I doubt she would still want to compliment him.


    "He''s very busy these days, so he doesn''t have time to come with me," as I said, I smiled bitterly.


    Hearing about this, suddenly there was disappointment that crossed the woman''s face. She seemed truly hope to see Donghwa again.


    That expression made me smile. As if covering up all of Donghwa''s badness from this woman, I tried to come up with a reasonable excuse, which was heard true and trustworthy, so that the woman wouldn''t feel disappointed. I knew that my words were full of falsehood, yet I just needed to say them to cover up the truth that we were no longer together.


    "Hmm, unfortunately, he couldn''t come with me this time. But, he said that he would visit this town sometime if he had time."


    Hearing my words, she smiled, then sipped a glass of drink on the table. "You''re right. He is indeed a hard worker. Moreover, he also holds big responsibilities in a huge agency," paused a second, she asked, "But, is he married?"


    I shook my head in response.


    "Hmm, someone like him doesn''t need to get married, right? He must often leave his wife out of the city." The woman chuckled.


    I smiled weakly. It was true. He always left his partner until he forgot that he had married someone.


    There was a little regret in me. I thought, by asking her to stay in this place for a while, it would allow us to talk about a lot of nice things, but the reality was far from desirable. The conversation that took place only made me have to reveal a falsehood many times to cover up the truth.


    After a moment of silence, the woman asked again, "So, what about your father? Have you heard any news about him?"


    I took a soft breath before answering, "Ah, not yet. I haven''t found the exact address of him, so I''ve decided to stop looking for him."


    "Huh, he really is an irresponsible father!"


    I just smiled at those words. Hearing her words, as if she was humiliating my father, and my heart couldn''t accept it. I didn''t want someone to look down on my father like that even though he had left me a long time ago.


    He was my father. Although he never gave me fatherly affection, he was still my father. I couldn''t overturn the earth around to pretend I didn''t know him.


    As I remembered, before he left me, he was a kind and caring father to me. So, no matter how bad he was as a father, he was still a father that I had to respect.


    I forced a smile and said, "It would be better if we didn''t talk about this, right?"


    After finishing my sentence, the silence fell. The atmosphere that had been full of warmth turned cold in an instant. There was only the occasional gurgling of water dripping down the sink from the kitchen and the sound of the old TV on in the next room, which made the silence a little lively until the woman sighed as the wind rumbled in silence. "Huh, okay then, I have to go right now. I still want to linger here and talk many things with you, but I remember that there''s a work waiting for me."


    She immediately got up, but before she stepped outside, I stopped her, "Wait, thanks for the food. I hope you''ll come back again if you have time."


    "Sure."


    She stepped outside, and I followed her from behind, leading her to the door.


    After the woman left, I closed the door, then went in to clean up the leftovers on the table, and brought the food that the woman had given to the kitchen. Then, I returned to the room next to the living room and was about to turn off the TV that had been on since a few hours ago, but before I did, the news on a news channel made me jolt with surprise as if I stopped breathing at once.


    "Wh-why?"

 Chapter 73 - The Unwanted Presence Of Someone

    I was silent without a word and froze. My eyes glued to the TV screen until I forgot to blink. Inside I kept asking, ''Wh-why? Why did you do that?''


    Without realizing it, I kept repeating the same question several times. Disbelief and guilt became a feeling that gathered in my chest, like a clot of blood in my heart.


    [Newsreader: He was seen at an airport in Jeju. The only son of Kim Myungdae, who is the owner of five huge companies and has been named the number one person in business in South Korea, is also reportedly close to commit violence against an officer at Z terminal.]


    Why did he humiliate his family name? Why did he have to do that?


    What I witnessed truly made me feel even more guilty. Although I shouldn''t feel that way for what he wanted, I couldn''t help but think about this.


    Daehyun really lost his mind!


    [Newsreader: CCTV footage also shows him chasing someone at the Z terminal]


    The recording was played and it was the incident at the airport when Daehyun approached me.


    [Newsreader: From the CCTV footage we can also see if Kim Daehyun is running into the Z terminal. There is also footage of several people on set, which shows Kim Daehyun running in after someone.]


    Hearing about this news, I covered my mouth with both hands, holding back my voice from screaming. This news made me both worried and scared ¡ª worried about the bad thing that could have happened was completely my fault.


    I was about to turn off the TV and didn''t want to hear the news any longer, but no strength could make my body move. My whole body felt stiff and became limp. I was about to slump on the floor, but the knock on the door immediately distracted me.


    Instantly I gasped and immediately woke up from this tension. Then, I turned my gaze to the wooden door that was knocked in a hurry.


    I stepped weakly in doubt. Once at the door, I took a deep breath and then opened the door carefully.


    However, as the door opened, someone who was standing in front of me shocked me even more than before. But, It didn''t last long, because the annoyance suddenly dominated my mind.


    I was about to sneer, but the sincere smile on his face forced me to swallow my stern words, and spoke gently, "Daehyun, why are you here? I told you if I wanted to be alone."


    Hearing about this, his face suddenly turned dark, and his gaze turned cold and deep like a frozen ocean at night.


    Seeing his expression, I lowered my gaze, didn''t want to see his eyes that seemed to freeze anyone who made eye contact with him. I said in a low voice, "Daehyun, please, leave now. I beg you."


    "You''re looking down on me? Don''t you think that my dogs can sniff out where you are? I''ve told you that if you don''t want to tell me where you''re going, I''ll find you by myself," he said coldly. Still in the same expression, he continued calmly, "You want to be alone? You must know that I ain''t the one who wants to hear such stupid words. You do what you want, and I do what I want. Don''t tell me if you still hold grudges on me? Don''t look at me as a bad guy. I can really get bad by kidnapping you and hiding you somewhere."


    "Daehyun, stop talking nonsense and leave now. I mean it. I don''t care if you think that I''m kicking you out right now."


    "See? You can''t even say your words out loud in front of me. How can I leave?" He snorted coldly. "Forget it. Is this how you greet your guest? At least, let me in first. It''s cold out here. My body is half frozen standing here."


    I took a deep breath. Because I didn''t want to argue with him, I let him in.


    Smiling, he stepped inside. He looked around the room, but when he heard the news about himself on the TV, his eyes stopped moving and locked his gaze to the sound from the TV next to this room. He then quickly stepped towards that room.


    He stopped for a moment, staring at the TV screen, then chuckling before he turned it off. After that, he went to the sofa and lay down.


    The corners of his lips lifted slightly. He put one hand on his head and asked, "Are you worried because of that?"


    I sighed, then sat beside him while replying, "Should I answer you? Don''t you know how worried I am right now? You shouldn''t have done anything that could damage your family''s name." I turned to him who was closing his eyes. He looked like a person without problems, then I continued to say, "You know if your family is so close with the media, but you stupidly did such things. What will your father think?"


    As soon as I finished my sentence, he opened his eyes carefully, looked at me for a moment before saying, "You don''t have to worry. It''s a common problem that is easy to solve. I''ve also clarified everything to¡ª"


    "Daehyun!" I shouted at him, interrupting his words that sounded dismissive of this problem, then looked at his face earnestly. "You always think all problems are the same! Now, it''s not only your name that you bring to this problem but mine too. What would Mr. Kim think about me? Inciting his son to make trouble or even he thinks that I make his son becoming a troublemaker?" Silence for a moment, I said again with trembling lips, "And ... and the wound on your face ..."


    I glanced at the bruise on his face. It was a new wound. What I did know, no one would dare to touch him other than someone who had great power or even greater than his family in business unless that person had courage beyond common sense.


    He immediately got up, looking at me with a dead glare while touching my arm. He said sternly, "Chunghee, Enough! I beg you. Don''t take that too far." Taking a deep breath, he continued, "Alright, I understand. Now, listen to me. This is my problem and I''ll take responsibility for what I''ve done, okay? And about this problem, I have taken care of everything. I have also clarified to the media at a press conference this morning and it will be closed soon. Everything is in order. Now, don''t think about it anymore. Don''t burden yourself with something that shouldn''t be your problem."


    "This is¡ª"


    "Chunghee, enough. I don''t want to talk about this anymore."


    Stunned for a moment, I asked, "Then, the bruise on your face? Your father did that, right?" I looked at him with eyes that were almost crying.


    He chuckled. "Alright, I admit it. He hit me when he heard the news about his proud son just caused trouble. I deserved got this."


    I was about to scold him and wanted to spit out my words, but I stopped as soon as I remembered that it would be useless to say anything, so I ended up with a sullen face.


    I leaned my back against the back of the sofa and glanced at him. "I''m still mad at you."


    He sighed in disappointment, then leaned his back beside me. "Chunghee, I''ve told you the truth ¡ª no cap. Tell me, what should I do so you can believe me?"


    I was silent without a word. Everything was clear to me and I didn''t have to complain anymore.


    "Well, if you keep quiet like that, then I will assume that you have forgiven me." Daehyun immediately stood up, then walked to the kitchen.


    Seeing him starting to tinker with everything in the kitchen, as if he was looking for something, I immediately got up and walked over to him. I asked, "What do you want to do?"


    "I''m your guest. But, you didn''t serve me well. I''m starving. Since this morning I haven''t eaten anything."


    "..."


    "You should greet me well, but you instead showed such a face. Next time, when I come, say ''welcome home'' with the best smile of you. Greet me like¡ª"


    "I''ll make a meal for you, then you can leave after that."


    There was silence for a few seconds before Daehyun replied, "Chunghee, why are you being cold to me? Did confess my feeling at that time really upset you this much?"


    "It''s not it. I¡ª"


    "Yeah, you want to be alone. I''m sick of hearing that. But, don''t expect me to let you," Daehyun cut me off.


    I didn''t respond to his words and just asked him to sit down at the dining table.


    He might be right. But, I couldn''t help but worry about a lot of things on my mind.


    Even though I shouldn''t worry about a lot of things, but doing so had become a habit of mine ever since I started feeling pain from heartache. Until, in the end, I ended up blaming myself.


    Since a long time ago, I shouldn''t be surprised by something like this but questioning it was like an instinct that I reflexively did.

 Chapter 74 - Being Ignorant

    In the evening. Behind the window, I looked outside, eying the trees along the road. The leaves fell, flying in the cold night wind, scattering the leaves in the air. If it snowed tonight, maybe the flickering white color reflected by the moonlight would be so beautiful when it was seen from the dim room, disguising how gloomy the darkness out there.


    Staring at the boundless void through the window, I sat by the frame, hugged my knees, and occasionally smoked a cigarette at my fingertips.


    In this silence, smoking a cigarette made me feel a little weird. The taste of the cigarette was no longer the same as before when it touched my lips, making this cigarette feel strange every time it was puffed. The billowing smoke was suffocating my lungs, made me choke now and then, then coughed while patting my chest. Perhaps, it was because I was no longer used to it but stupidly kept pushing myself to do it.


    At first, I thought that I had cut my ties with this nicotine, but because I kept feeling restless all day and coupled with the presence of Daehyun who had been coming to this place since this afternoon, I thought about relaxing myself, and a cigarette would be fine. I thought it was okay to enjoy it in this situation.


    Now, after a week of leaving the apartment, Donghwa''s shadows keep appearing in my head. No matter how much I wanted to stop thinking about him, it was a futile thing, which made me feel terrific anxiety.


    What is he doing at this time?


    Is he also thinking about me?


    Or is he even smiling happily after he kicked me out?


    I realized that Donghwa was the worst. However, our relationship that had turned its tenth year in the winter of December this year, made everything about him permanent on my mind. I could also memorize everything in detail in my head, and I realized that only death would stop me from thinking about him and our relationship.


    Sometimes, I wonder inside, how would he be without me right now? Will he be okay?


    As I knew, he was short-minded and very clumsy. In the past, it looked as if he was only dependent on me. I was afraid he would do something even dumber than I thought right now.


    But, was it proper to think about him after what had happened all this time?


    However, I couldn''t find the answers to those questions within myself.


    "Chunghee?"


    Hearing a voice calling me in silence, I immediately turned my head and saw Daehyun, who was walking towards me with a white blanket in his hand.


    He smiled, but I would rather look out of the window than had to see that smile. Then, at that second, a thick cloth covered my body.


    He sat in front of me. Without glancing at him, by the corner of my eye, I could see Daehyun was watching me right now.


    I smoked a cigarette on my fingertips lazily and pretended not to notice his presence in front of me.


    Until, his deep voice broke the silence in this dim room, "You know that smoking isn''t good for your health. Didn''t Doctor Jeong warn you?"


    I was silent as I didn''t hear anything, ignoring him, showing my stubbornness without caring.


    Getting a response like this, he was heard sighing heavily. "This is the last time. Next time, I won''t let you touch that thing again."


    I didn''t say a word but staring blankly at the endless darkness out there.


    This afternoon, we had a little argument. So, feeling annoyed, I refused to talk to him until now.


    An hour after lunch, I saw Daehyun smoking in the backyard. Thus, it aroused my desire to do the same.


    However, although I had asked kindly and in tenderness, he responded harshly to me with advice that made me even more distressed. Feeling unacceptable, I decided to buy it out there by myself.


    Daehyun certainly didn''t allow me to go easily, and persistently prevented me. He even locked all the doors, not wanted me to go out for something like that.


    I knew that Daehyun was worried about me ¡ª it was etched in his eyes. However, I just wanted to do something without someone preventing me. Until, this evening, he gave in and let me smoke, yet I still didn''t want to talk to him.


    "Chunghee, are you still mad at me? I''m sorry."


    Same question as before. This was the sixth time Daehyun had asked me that.


    Slowly, I turned my head over to him, then put out the cigarette by rubbing it against the glass ashtray beside me. I said, "I let you stay here, but I don''t want you to stop me from doing what I want to do ¡ª this is my life ¡ª I''m in charge of myself."


    Hearing Daehyun kept asking the same questions, made me feel sorry, and started talking to him.


    However, those words didn''t sound good to his ears. It made his gaze darkening. He then spoke in a low voice that sounded cold, "And, it''s my duty to forbid you. How could I possibly allow you to do things that endanger yourself?"


    "Duty? Who do you think you are? What''s your business? Nonsense. I''ve been freed from Donghwa who always restrains me, and you shouldn''t come to me to be him and do the same." I chuckled, intending to look down on him, who was nothing to me but being so confident when he said his words. Leaning my head on the frame, I watched Daehyun, who was showing a serious look, secretly.


    For some reason, my chaotic feelings tonight made me talk without thinking about how Daehyun would feel because I didn''t know what to do. All of this was beyond my plans.


    After I said that, Daehyun fell silent by locking his sharp gaze into my eyes. Then, a few seconds later, he drew slowly towards me until his face was close enough to mine, and suddenly his sharp gaze turned soft.


    Our faces were too close apart, even our noses were touching each other.


    From this distance, I could see his jet black eyes even more clearly. There was warmth in there and it was beautiful. I was stunned, unable to move.


    Then, his hand slowly moved and touched my face; stroking my eyelid with his thumb gently. He said in a voice that was heard alluring, "I love you, so it''s my business."


    A second after finishing the sentence of him, his soft lips touched tightly closed mine. He touched my chin, pulled it down a little so that my lips open a gap, and then he kissed me more intimately.


    Even though we had been close enough in the past few months, this kind of intimacy from him had not gotten me used to it.


    I was surprised!


    However, even with the feeling of ''reluctant'', as if about to push his body away, I, who was currently opening my eyes and looking at Daehyun, who was closing his eyes, and seemed to be enjoying this ''kiss'', I steadfastly let him do what he wanted as if something locked my body to move.


    His kiss was gentle, but I wasn''t used to this kind of gentleness from someone else. Doing it with someone that I didn''t hold my heart on, made me unable to enjoy it at all.


    Fortunately, this kiss lasted only a few seconds. Daehyun slowly opened his eyes. He gradually started to move his face away, but with his hands still touched my face. He said sincerely, "I do love you. I came to you, not want to be him. I just want to be with you. Don''t come back to him again. I can treat you better than him."


    "Daehyun, he threw me out. I''m just trash." I looked at Daehyun closely, and spoke deeply, "But, trash like me has pride. I won''t come back to him. If you want me to be with you, then fine, I''ll be with you. But, I don''t want you to expect something more than this from me. I don''t want to hurt you because I don''t have feelings for you."


    He smiled. "If you don''t want to hurt me, then stay with me, promise me that you will never come back to him no matter what. About your feelings, I can work on it, the most important thing right now is you want to be with me."


    The words were very touching so that it made my ''ignorant'' expression change as if I wanted to give him the chance. But, besides that, asking me to make a promise, was like forcing me to jump into a cliff filled with flames. I promised too many promises and I was often cheated by many promises.


    However, this doubt still made it necessary for me to consider the complicated matter he had just talked about, while continuing to stare into his eyes, which were filled with hope in them, without a word.

 Chapter 75 - Such A Stunning Question

    A few seconds later, he took his hands off my face. Still showing the same glow of warmth in his eyes, he said in his deep, deep voice, "Chunghee, will you come with me? I want you to stay with me at my place, not in this place. I want us to spend more time together at my place."


    Those words were a little offensive and made me frowned tightly at him. I said in an exasperated tone, "What do you mean ''not in this place''? Are you comparing this old place to yours, huh, young master?" Sighing silently, I continued, "I''d rather spend the rest of my life alone in this old place than have to go to your luxurious place, but it will only make me feel uncomfortable."


    Although I didn''t speak without an affirmation, those words were still individualistic.


    A second after finishing my sentence, he gripped my arms, looking at me with his eyes that lost their warmth and looked gloomy. There was a faint surprise on his face, then he started to speak, "Chunghee, don''t get me wrong. I didn''t mean to compare anything. Do you think that I''m that kind of person? Haven''t we been together before, since you were still working at my company, have you ever heard me compare such a thing? Or, do I always look arrogant in your eyes?" He was stunned for a moment, and continued, "If so, you''re wrong."


    Looking at him, I said calmly, "But, you just did it, didn''t you? And, do you know, a beginning sometimes has no end."


    Instantly he showed an expression as if he was surprised by what I just said. Paused for a moment, he then sighed heavily by loosening his grip on my arms before continuing to say in a desperate tone, "I don''t know why I always look bad in your eyes. I don''t recognize myself as a good person but I''m just trying to do my best so that I''m not seen wrong in your eyes. But, no matter what I do, you never even think that it''s good to you."


    "If you say that, you make me think that you ain''t that different from Donghwa." I grinned, and said indifferently, "Should I explain to you why I was mad? I thought that you already knew. And, now, you want to take me where I don''t want to. Are you going to hide me?"


    He looked dazed for a while, then suddenly grabbed his hair tightly. He gave a small groan, sounding like repulsion and sicken. Then, he took a deep breath, trying to relax. "What do you mean? I told you that you misunderstood. Don''t go too far into thinking about something that doesn''t match my point."


    I looked at his face that looked earnest and asked, "Then, what do you mean? Isn''t that obvious enough¡ª"


    "Chunghee!"


    A loud voice struck once in the air. It shook the wind and also my heart at the same time. At the first glance, there was a sharp glint in his dark and cold bead eyes.


    With a sense of shock, I couldn''t say a word, other than touching my slightly tight chest.


    As long as I knew him, I had never heard Daehyun shout at me like that, let alone with such an unusual look, without blinking. It made my whole body felt as if it was trembling.


    It made him look completely different from how he had always been friendly before!


    In that instant, he said with an emotion that sounded pressed down in his throat, "Fine. If you think that I want to hide you, then okay. I do want to hide you. I don''t want that bastard to find you. That''s why I want to take you to my place." He paused for a moment with the corners of his lips curling downward. "Maybe, that sounds exaggerated, right? But, about what I said just now, I mean it. I don''t care what will you think about it."


    For a moment I lowered my gaze while thinking about his words carefully, about his attitude that was stupid and too kind. Then, I shifted my position so that I was closer to him, who currently still showed a clear seriousness on his face at this moment. "I got it. Is that a good intention of you? Then, thank you. I''ll appreciate it. But, do you know, why I want to be alone? Why I don''t want you to chase me?"


    "..."


    Also, why did I decide not to stay with Donghwa again, who has even spent a lot of ups and downs with me over the years?


    However, those words seemed to be frozen on my tongue so I couldn''t say them directly. I thought that the sentence I just said was enough to describe what I exactly wanted to say.


    Hearing about this, he frowned, but still showed the same expression, cold.


    I grinned. Then, calmly saying again, "It''s because I don''t want to have an argument like we just did before. I''ve had enough to do it with Donghwa, and I don''t want to do it with anyone else again. Especially if it is you. That''s why I said if I wanted to be alone. Don''t you get my point?"


    After finishing my words, his expression became slightly more relaxed as if it was being blown by a warm spring breeze. Even though his eyes were still cold, the tenderness slowly dominated his face. Then, in a flat tone, he said, "If so, I got it. But, even if my head had understood, my body will never understand a word like that."


    I took a deep breath. "I know ... I know. I know you will never listen to me."


    I was silent. I knew how he felt, but I always pretended not to understand his feelings.


    "Then, I would like to ask you one thing." With a pause, he continued to say, "Are you always being stubborn like that when you were with him? Or, are you just showing your stubbornness to someone who likes you, but you have no feelings for that person?"


    Instantly my eyes widened open when I heard the question of him, then immediately turned my face away.


    Hearing those words, I began to realize something that had been forgotten. During my time with Donghwa, I always gave in and blamed myself. I realized that what I showed to Daehyun was something different, where I was always indifferent with him, while with Donghwa, I would always be obedient; obeying his willingness; trying to hide my sadness in front of him; trying to smile to cover my pains; and even now, Donghwa didn''t know that I was struggling alone at that time just because I wanted to be with him any longer.


    I never even complained to Donghwa ...


    This thought made me unaware that at this moment, my tears had been rolling down my cheeks.


    Daehyun, who saw me crying become shocked, he exclaimed in panic, "Chunghee, what''s wrong? Did I scare you?"


    "Please, I''m already burdened with a lot of things. I''ve suffered so much right now. Please don''t make me suffer more than this. I can''t bear the burden inside of me anymore," I stammered. "If you want to be with me, then please listen to me."


    Why did I become the bad guy when I was with him?


    Why am I so hard to just repay his feelings?


    The questions kept circling my head until I barely heard anything.


    Daehyun hugged me tightly, making me sink into his arms. "I''m sorry ... I''m sorry. It''s my fault. I didn''t mean anything. I''m sorry."


    I bit my trembling lip. I didn''t know why Daehyun apologized for something that didn''t concern himself.


    At the same time, I truly wanted to reply to Daehyun''s words, saying that he shouldn''t blame himself, but as if helpless, my lips seemed to be locked by a memory that had been silent for a long time in my head and suddenly appeared like a heavy blow. It was as if playing back like an old roll of film, with the footage slowly fading, then crystal clear!


    With tears in my eyes, I kept thinking about it. There was a feeling of guilt rising in my chest and it was tightening me up.


    I don''t want to say stupid things like that. However, I couldn''t understand why these thoughts kept spinning in my head incessantly that it gave me a headache.


    Hurts ...


    It really hurts...


    Until the pain in my chest finally had spread throughout my body. Carried by the blood flowing through my nerves, slicing every part of my body.


    It caused intense pain!


    Then, a few seconds later, my limp body fell, but Daehyun swiftly holds me.


    I could feel his touch and snap his breath ... but could only remain silent ...


    I could still hear his voice calling out my name. It was clear at first, but slowly, the voice began to fade away until I heard nothing ¡ª not even to feel my own body.


    I was unconscious!


    ***

 Chapter 76 - Lee Donghwa: Great Hope!

    "Brother Lee ...."


    Behind the light in the distance, I could vaguely saw the shadow of someone waving and be heard continuing to call my name. His voice was so familiar. When he called my name softly, I could only keep silent and didn''t want to conclude that he was someone I knew.


    "Brother Lee ...."


    A person slowly emerged from behind the white lights, and slowly approached me, who was standing without a word when I heard his pathetic voice, like a sob that had been buried for a long time.


    However, before that person was right in front of me, the hollow light had already spread like it was piercing into my eyes and seemed to be swirling around, bringing me to a different dimension.


    A second after, the light disappeared, and clearly, I was already in another place!


    Currently I was in a large building, with many people sitting regularly with a few books on a long, slightly curved table, also terraced. Then, there was a deep voice of someone breaking the silence in this quite spacious and old hall.


    I immediately fixed my gaze to the voice, then saw an old man standing in the middle of the hall and explaining about Graphic Science in front of people who showed serious looks.


    I frowned, and muttered softly, "Professor ... Jun?"


    Feeling strange, I turned my head to the side carefully and ... Huh?!


    "Chunghee?"


    It''s Chunghee. Judging by his look, he was still in his twenties at this moment.


    Hearing my voice, he immediately turned to look at me with a smile on his face that looked cute. He then spoke, "As usual, the explanations of Professor Jun are always fun, right?"


    I froze for a moment, then swept my eyes back towards the people in this hall and turned my gaze back to Chunghee who was sitting beside me.


    Seeing the atmosphere in this room, I believe that I was currently at the time when we were at university.


    "Donghwa, are you okay? Are you feeling good?" he touched my hand with his soft slender hand. "Are you still mad at me about yesterday? That person is my friend. Don''t be mad anymore."


    My hand suddenly gripped his tightly, as if I didn''t want to let go of his thin and pale hand, worried that I would lose him once again. I really wanted to say something; by asking him to come back; and forbidding him to leave, but I couldn''t as if my lips were locked by something I didn''t know the cause.


    At the same time, before I could say a word, the white lights appeared again from various angles and looked dazzling. It started as tiny dots of light, then it grew and spread out in all directions to produce a sparkle that couldn''t make me open my eyes.


    Everything turned into a dazzling white color as if it pierced my eyes instantly.


    And ...


    "Huh!"


    I gasped and immediately lifted my head.


    With panting breaths and cold sweat pouring down my temples, this state of affairs engulfed my feelings of disorder. Restlessness, worry, fear, confusion, all of them combined into one chaotic feeling!


    The dream seemed so real ...


    Then, while calming myself from my current feelings, I took a deep breath and leaned my back in a sluggish, staring blankly at the ceiling of my room, with my head continuing to think about a dream that made me have a bad feeling.


    Chunghee, are you okay?


    I miss you so much ...


    Today, it had been a week since Chunghee left me. However, let alone just seeing his face, I had never even heard his voice. I didn''t know how many hundred times I tried to call him, but the only voice I heard was the operator''s voice saying that the user I was trying so hard to contact every day wasn''t activating his cell phone.


    I just wanted to ask him to come back and start all over again, but why were things so much harder than I thought?


    Yes, I admitted all my mistakes and wanted to kneel to apologize to him for all the things I had done, which had hurt him all this time. If he came back and wanted to punish me, then I would let him punish me as hard as he wanted. Even if he wanted to kill me even then, my life was his.


    I would risk everything for him alone ...


    "Brother Lee, here ... have a drink first. Did you have a bad dream?" A familiar voice was heard. While saying, he put a glass of water on my desk.


    Hearing that voice, I immediately dropped my gaze towards someone who was standing in front of my desk and made me immediately straighten my back.


    "Since when were you here?" I glared at him angrily.


    "Since a few minutes ago." With a pause, he explained, "I knocked on your door earlier, but you didn''t answer. I thought you were back in your apartment, but when I grabbed the doorknob and it wasn''t locked, I immediately came in and saw you asleep. I didn''t dare to wake you up, so I decided to wait for you till you wake up."


    I leaned my back lazily and stared at him for a moment before I got up from the chair, walked to the toilet in this room, asking, "Then, what''s the matter? I''ve told you that I don''t want to see you again. I''ve even taken care of your transfer to another company and also gave you some guarantees. Is that not enough for you? If so, go to Hoonsik because he manages my finances. I have nothing to do with you."


    Cho Sunyeon apparently followed me from behind. As soon as I cleaned my face in the sink, I saw his reflection in the mirror. His eyes began to fill with tears. He spoke in a trembling voice, "I don''t need any of that. I came here because Jay said that you look unwell these days, so I''m worried about you."


    I turned my head back, glared at him. "Then what? You want to be a mother who wants to take care of this abandoned child?"


    There was a pause for a few seconds before he replied, "Come back home. You have a cardiac issue. You can''t ignore that. If you don''t want to talk to me, never mind, as long as you come home with me."


    Hearing his words, I rolled my eyes, stood tall, then walked out.


    During this week, he kept coming to me whining like that. Even though I had thrown him out, yelled at him, and hit him, all of them didn''t deter him, and even more persistent with his foolish hope.


    "Home? If you just want to talk nonsense, get the hell out of here right now before I drag you out." With a pause, I said coldly and slightly threateningly, "I''m in a really bad mood today. I wouldn''t hesitate to throw you off this floor. I would¡ª"


    Before finishing my sentence, my cell phone suddenly rang. I took my cell out of my pocket, then answered indifferently, "Hell what?"


    "Haven''t you seen the news about Kim Daehyun on TV? He made headlines for two days." Yunhee chuckled.


    I frowned. "I don''t have time for such things. Just tell me, what the hell is wrong? Do you have any information about Chunghee?"


    "Hmm, maybe yes or maybe not." He laughed. "But, just come to my place right now. I''ll give you a piece of shit."


    "Fuck off."


    I immediately hung up the phone, then put the cell phone back into my pocket.


    Even though he was joking, hearing his words, seemed like there was something important he would tell me. Then, with great hope in my heart, I was hopeful that it would be a good thing for me.


    After that, I stood up and put on my coat, then started walking towards the door.


    However, a few steps after passing Sunyeon, he immediately grabbed my arm and made me stop walking. I turned for a moment, saying, "I have a business. I have to go."


    In that instant, he grabbed my arm even stronger, and spoke haltingly, "Come home tonight, please."


    Now, I didn''t know what to do so that he didn''t show his sickening face in front of me again.


    I had been thinking about a lot of things in my head, but he always came to me like a disturber.


    His presence was sick me off. I clenched my fists so tightly, trying to hold back the emotions that had been settling in my chest.


    I took a deep breath and tried to stay calm. "Sunyeon, don''t come to me again."


    However, instead of listening to my words, he immediately hugged me tightly while groaning behind my back. Suppressing my anger, I spoke with forced gentleness, "Don''t make me angry. Don''t make me abuse you one more time."


    Stifling his voice, he said, "Doesn''t that mean you still care about me?"


    I froze for a moment instantly. He didn''t understand what I was saying.


    "You''re not an adult yet. You can''t understand what adults say." With a pause, I continued, "Sunyeon, you''re still young. You can find someone better than an old man like me."


    When I thought about it, made me want to laugh and wonder at the same time.


    Why is he still chasing an old man like me?


    Why did he stupidly want to be beside me when he knew I was attached to someone else?


    Everything made me feel like bursting out laughing. However, on the other hand, I also feel pity and sorry.


    Why did I allow him to stay with me for these three years?

 Chapter 77 - Lee Donghwa: Regrettable Affair

    After a moment of silence, I spoke again, "Sunyeon, I''ve been in a relationship with Chunghee for many years. I still remember vividly the stupid things I did just to make him fall in love with me." I took a silent breath, then continued, "And now, I realize that my biggest mistake was ''lying to him'' during my few years with you and I do regret it."


    "Look, now, I have lost him and it makes me suffer a lot. I can''t do all my work properly because I think about him all the time. And because of that, Mr. Kim reprimanded me because the income turnover in the agency was reduced by 30% within a week. I was also often late for important meetings, and you know that I had never done it before. Some businessmen also withdrew their shares just because I wasn''t firm in making decisions, and all that happened since Chunghee left me. Do you understand now, why I can''t be with you?"


    I have said everything. There''s nothing else I need to hide!


    It''s really embarrassing to reveal sadness to someone else. I had not even revealed any complaints to Chunghee during our years'' togetherness. Why? Because for me, this was a weakness, and weakness was inappropriate to tell to anyone.


    Showing this sadness, people would see me as helpless, whereas I wanted people to see me as a person who was always strong in every situation so that I looked convincing in their eyes. So, I preferred to bury all this sadness, hardships, and solve everything with my own hands.


    However, I crossed the line and revealed the feelings I had worked so hard to cover up so that Sunyeon would understand how I was right now.


    This kind of urge couldn''t make me think of a better idea because of all the worries I was having. It''s all because of a stubborn person who didn''t know his place, which made me unable to think straight. Clinging to all the time and talking nonsense like this.


    However, unfortunately, instead of giving a response that calmed me down, his hands hugged my body even tighter.


    Roughly, I let go of his hands; pushing him so that he fell to the ground. Then, I walked away, leaving this place indifferently.


    "Brother Lee, wait!"


    "Brother Lee!"


    Sunyeon chased me from behind and called me repeatedly, but I ignored him. It even made me accelerate my footsteps while calling Hoonsik to pick me up immediately.


    I couldn''t take it anymore and be sick of that kid!


    Downstairs, Sunyeon was still talking with the same nonsense, which I had repeatedly confirmed the answer.


    During our three years, I never fell in love with that kid. He was just an affair that I used when I was feeling lonely as Chunghee wasn''t with me and when both of us were fighting.


    However, I might have gone too far so I fell into my lust.


    I remembered that three years ago, I was brutal to Chunghee because of the same issue. At that time, I couldn''t accept the closeness of Chunghee and a person named Song Yohan. Because of that, I punished him, beat him, and raped him all night. And from then on, I sincerely spent more and more time with Sunyeon.


    However, I didn''t think that I would be this stupid, who was complacent with his affair just because of my selfishness and jealousy at that time.


    I knew that Chunghee was devastated. As soon as I saw him, who often smiled behind his wounds, made me realize that he was the only person I always fell in love with, while Cho Sunyeon was just temporary pleasure.


    What hurt me, even more, was that Chunghee didn''t even complain anything in the three years I abandoned him. Then, because he was sickened by me on that day, he revealed how the outburst of anger he felt a long time ago, but I stupidly thought that it was just a bluff.


    Now, Chunghee was punishing me and it really hurt. I truly was a fool to let someone I loved the most suffer this pain for so many years.


    "Brother Lee, I want us to have a good talk. When do you have time?" Sunyeon''s voice snapped me from my reverie.


    I looked at him and saw the sincerity in his eyes.


    I sighed and tried to stay calm. "What else do you want to talk about? Isn''t everything clear?"


    Before he answered, a luxurious black car was parked right in front of us, distracting us who were almost arguing.


    Shortly thereafter, Yoon Hoonsik got out and opened the car door at the back, then invited me to get into the car.


    I took another breath, then turned my gaze towards Sunyeon. "Okay then, we''ll talk about this another time. I''ll let you know when I''m not busy."


    Instantly his expression turned happy. He nodded excitedly as he watched me get into the car, and then Hoonsik closed the car door and immediately stepped on the gas pedal.


    On the way, I asked Yoon Hoonsik, "Don''t you think I''m not a good guy? Do you think I deserve to be hated?"


    In the rearview mirror, Hoonsik glanced at me, then replied, "Sir, you are a good guy. I think people have no reason to hate you."


    I grinned coldly. That answer was ridiculous, but it couldn''t make me laugh. I turned my gaze out the window, and said, "You have worked for me for many years and you have also become my trusted person. But, what if I fire you without a definite reason, will you hate me?"


    Hoonsik froze for a moment before asking, "Sir, are you drunk again?"


    I grinned. "Heh, no, but I''m dying."


    After those words, I fell silent when I realized that this conversation was just the nonsense of my anxiety all this time, which had nearly made me die. I leaned back limply and closed my eyes, hoping to calm myself down from the worries that made me dizzy.


    After a while, we arrived in front of a luxurious multi-story house in the South, and I immediately opened the car door without waiting for Hoonsik to open it for me first.


    I headed to the fence, approached security who was on guard, and asked him to open the fence, with the excuse of ''business'' with the owner of the house.


    After that, the fence was opened. Without lingering here, I immediately went in and pressed the bell house several times, until someone opened the door. "Ah, Donghwa, come on in."


    "It''s quite late now. What''s taking you so long? I''ve been waiting for you since ten o''clock."


    As I walked following him from behind, I replied, "I have a business."


    After being in the living room, we immediately sat on the sofa to start a conversation. I stared at him for a moment before asking, "Yunhee, did you have any information about him?"


    Bae Yunhee frowned. "Him? Sunyeon?" His eyes seemed to playfully. "Ah, he''s doing well in my company. You don''t have to worry about him."


    His words infuriated me a little, but sighing silently, I tried to stay calm. "I don''t have time to play with you. Hurry up and tell me, do you have any information about him?"


    "Ah, Park Chunghee? I thought that you were worried about the other one." He chuckled.


    "Yunhee!" I took a deep breath. "Don''t play with me. If you don''t have any information about him, then I''ll leave now. Being here with nothing would be a waste of time."


    He raised an eyebrow and grinned. "You''re not going to beat me? You don''t want to say harsh words to me?"


    Seeing me showing a serious look, he smirked. "Since when are you soft-hearted like that?"


    Hearing this joke, I didn''t give any response.


    Sighing, he muttered, "Tch, how boring."


    He then stood up, stepped into a small room not far from here, then returned a few moments later with a newspaper in his hand and threw it in front of me. "Read it."


    I immediately grabbed it, and was immediately speechless in shock!


    "Isn''t that President Kim and Chunghee?" He smiled with satisfaction. "Although Chunghee''s face isn''t that clear, I believe that he''s Park Chunghee from the looks of it. I thought you already knew this, but when I saw you didn''t react to anything, I assumed that you haven''t seen this news, so I decided to tell you, and calling you immediately."


    I froze for a moment before asking in a trembling voice, "Yunhee, when this news published?"


    My fists clenched tightly, about to hit the face of that person ¡ª Kim Daehyun.


    Yunhee leaned his back lazily, then sighed heavily. "That''s why you shouldn''t be too focused on your work, dude. You need entertainment. This news is relatively new. It''s only been a few days ago. But, because of his father, Kim Myungdae, the news has been closed quickly and they have silenced all the media. Yeah, you know, his father is the ruler. With money, he can even buy anyone''s mouth, even yours."


    Hearing about that even made me want to beat up that bastard!


    "I don''t care. Because of him, Chunghee left me." I smiled bitterly. "He has already stolen Chunghee from me. Goddamn it!" I squeezed this newspaper so hard, farming a crumpled circle.


    "Didn''t I hear you wrong? It''s your fault from the start? Why do you even accuse someone else of stealing your lover?"


    "He said he screwed Chunghee! How can I not accuse him?!" I shouted, glancing angrily at him.


    Bae Yunhee smiled mockingly without saying anything.

 Chapter 78 - Lee Donghwa: A Meeting That Ends With A Fight

    After feeling calm a little, I went back to talk, "Heh, now I know where Chunghee is ... why didn''t I think of this before, idiot!" I immediately stood up, then continued, "I have to go. I''m going to Sokcho in the morning."


    Yunhee stood up, frowning. "Are you sure he''s there?"


    I nodded. "Yeah. Thank you."


    "Thank you? What is that? Disgusting." He chuckled.


    Stepping away, there was a feeling of excitement and also an impatience to meet Chunghee soon, then started a new relationship with him.


    It''s worth holding back a few days for a sweet result.


    Chunghee, wait for me. I''ll pick you up soon ...


    ...


    In the morning, before heading to Sokcho, I stayed in bed, sitting there, where Chunghee often laid beside me. I took the pillow that he always used when he slept, then kissed it while closing my eyes, enjoying the soft scent that I could still feel on it. At least, his scent remained, so it could release my longing for him a little even though it was also stifling my chest even more.


    Feeling his scent, as if I kissed his forehead gently. I muttered, "Chunghee, when I meet you later, even if you don''t want to come home with me, I''ll force you. Wait for me, honey."


    After that, I immediately got up, then went downstairs to the car where Hoonsik was waiting, and immediately left without wasting any longer.


    On the way, I was silent and reminiscing about everything.


    I was hurt by my own mistakes. However, when I was about to organize myself to be a better person for him, he had left me. It made me regret it even more.


    Why did God just wake me up now?


    Back then, on purpose, when I didn''t spend much time with him, I could still have fun with other people out there. Even sometimes, I didn''t think about him at all and spend time with other people happily instead of having to come back for even a day.


    Now, in just a week, I had been driven crazy by missing him and couldn''t stop thinking about him.


    God seemed to give the same feelings, as Chunghee felt after what I had done.


    So, is this what he feels when he waits for me who never coming back?


    I was sure that Chunghee was in pain more than this.


    Wait...


    The ... same feelings?


    Those words sounded familiar to me ...


    I clenched my fist tightly and started remembering everything again!


    I had told him those words on our first date.


    Suddenly ...


    "Sir?"


    Hearing Hoonsik''s voice, I immediately returned from my reverie. "What?"


    "Sir, your cell phone is ringing."


    The thoughts in my head drifted away until I didn''t notice my cell phone that had been ringing a moment ago.


    I immediately took out the cell phone from my pocket, then saw the caller ID. However, as soon as I saw it was Sunyeon, I rejected his call without hesitation. Answering it would only hear the same nonsense as before. Even though he returned to call me a few times after that, I still ignored his calls and even muted my cell phone.


    A few hours later, we arrived, right in front of an old house which looked very well preserved.


    I immediately got out of the car, followed by Hoonsik.


    I stood in front of the wooden fence, stared at the house for a moment before stepping into the courtyard, then knocked on the door with a pounding heart.


    However, for a few minutes, there''s no one opened the door for me. So, I put my ear to the door, intending to know if someone was inside. But, all I heard was only silence and the sound of the wind blowing where I was currently standing.


    I was getting restless.


    The feeling of impatience kept me knocking on the door. I was sure that Chunghee was in this house.


    Then ...


    "You ..."


    Someone''s familiar voice was suddenly heard from behind and took me by surprise. My eyes widened open, then I immediately turned to see someone behind me.


    A second later, my surprise became an unbearable rage when I saw someone who was standing in front of me. So, without warning, my right fist, which was tightly clenched into a fist, immediately landed a hard punch on his face, until he swayed slightly to the side.


    Feeling unsatisfied, I was about to punch him once again.


    However, as I raised my fist, Hoonsik immediately held my hand back. He said frantically, "Mr. Lee! Please, stop."


    His face was pale, looked worried, then turned his gaze to that person. "Ah, Mr. Kim, I''m so ... sorry."


    Daehyun grinned coldly as if the punch earlier was just a joke. He didn''t even feel any pain or sorry. However, it seemed to humiliate me and it made me even more furious to see that expression of contempt!


    I immediately pushed Hoonsik so that he let go of my hand, then confirmed to him, "Get the hell out of here. I have business with this bastard."


    Hoonsik looked at me fearfully, but there was resistance on his face.


    "Get lost!"


    Hesitating, Yoon Hoonsik finally left us and returned to the car.


    I knew what he was worried about, but I didn''t care because Daehyun was here, and I wouldn''t waste my chance to teach him a lesson!


    The emotion was already on the corner of my head. I glared at Daehyun who was still on the same expression with a condescending grin.


    However, because by punching him in the face once earlier, it had made me vent an emotion within myself and slowly allowed me to control myself. I sighed, trying to relax, then said, "You''re here, it means you''re with him right now. Then, where is Chunghee? I want to take him home with me."


    He looked at me for a moment before answering, "I don''t know ¡ª get the hell away ¡ª it''s useless if you asked me that."


    "Liar!" I clenched my fists at my sides and tried to stay calm, holding back the emotions that were about to explode.


    He chuckled, then walked passing me to open the door.


    After he opened the door and was about to go inside, I immediately pushed his body aside and slammed the door, then went inside while calling Chunghee''s name repeatedly, hoping he would come out of his hiding place.


    "What are you doing? Get out of here right now." Daehyun pulled my arm.


    I ignored him, pretending not to hear anything, and calling out Chunghee''s name continuously while walking through every room in this place.


    "Chunghee, I came to pick you up. I promise, I won''t hurt you again, please, come out."


    Daehyun suddenly muttered, "Heh, shameless."


    Hearing his words, immediately made me stop walking, then turned towards him furiously, "What the hell did you just say?"


    The corners of his lips lifted, his gaze darkened. His tone was provocative as soon as he said, "I said, you are shameless."


    After those words, I immediately approached him with an emotion that was already making my head heat up, then grabbed his collar tightly. "You''re the shame! Snatching someone''s lover, you bastard! You''re no different from trash!"


    He threw my hand away, then smoothed his tie with a cold grin that was etched with a certain meaning. His gaze grew darker, then spoke, "What? ''Snatching''? Didn''t he run away from you on purpose? Why are you accusing me of ''snatching'' him from you? Heh, you should be ashamed of your shameful self for still chasing someone that doesn''t want to see you anymore."


    My lips slightly opened and my tongue trembled, was about to reply to those words. However, as if it was held back by the truth that was heard, my lips closed again. I lowered my gaze, thinking about those words for a minute.


    He had hit me with the truth, without having to touch me.


    "Lee, you''re so embarrassing." With a pause, he continued, "Even with the disease he had, you still hurt him and don''t care about him."


    Hearing about this, instantly I froze before lifted my gaze back at him. "Disease? What do you mean?"


    He was silent all of a sudden, looked surprised. Then, he immediately took his cell phone on the table and turned toward the door. "Get out. I have to go back to Seoul. I don''t have time to talk to someone like you."


    He hurriedly came out, followed by me from behind with a feeling of chaos. Outside, after Daehyun locked the door, I immediately grabbed his arm, staring at him in the hope that he would tell me the truth. "Kim, wait, what do you mean? What happen to him? Don''t scare me."


    Daehyun acted indifferently. He pretended not to hear anything.


    While I, who was surprised by his words, kneeled in front of him as he was about to head. "Kim, I beg you ... tell me the truth, please."


    "Go to hell."


    Kim Daehyun left without being a little compassionate towards me, even I, who had humbled myself like this.


    I felt helpless and became limp.


    I was so pathetic!


    A few moments after Daehyun left, I was still on my knees with my head bowed, thinking about the things that made worries fill my heart.


    Besides that, my heart was furious. However, for some reason, my body felt numb and could only be stunned, so I couldn''t express anything other than showing a flat face with my mouth slightly opened, was about to say something that I couldn''t say.


    Chunghee, so you''ve been sick all this time?


    Why didn''t you tell before?


    So, you lied to me all the time about your current condition ...

 Chapter 79 - Lee Donghwa: Deeper, And Deeper Pain!

    This anger was mixed with extreme anxiety, which made my lips tremble. I gritted my teeth, holding back something that was about to explode inside of me while clenching my hands quite tightly.


    Now, I remembered that Chunghee often went to the hospital at that time, but I never asked him about his current condition earnestly. I asked him only as I suspected him and foolishly, believed all the answers he gave without suspecting that they were lies.


    At first, I thought that he was just having a cold or just feeling unwell because of overwork, so I continued to be indifferent and didn''t ask any further questions. I was worried, but because all this time Chunghee had always looked tough in my eyes, I believed that he was fine.


    However, when I found out that Chunghee was ''suffering from a disease'' as Daehyun said accidentally before, suddenly a bad feeling made me even more worry.


    The hell with me that time!


    Why did I just realize everything when a situation like this happened?


    Still on my knees, I limply dropped my body so that I sat on the cold floor, gripping my hair quite tightly as if I wanted to pull it off my scalp.


    The predicament that I thought would end today, turned out to be beyond my expectation. This was getting worse and even quite complicated. It was getting me more and more frustrating!


    "Mr. Lee, please, get up. It''s cold in here." Hoonsik crouched down and spoke in a low, worried voice.


    I lifted my chin, stared at Hoonsik, expressionless. His face turned shocked as soon as he saw me shed tears.


    It was so embarrassing. However, I couldn''t help it. Only for a moment, I immediately wiped my tears which were getting heavier on my face, then immediately stood up. I spoke hoarsely, "We''re back in Seoul now."


    After saying this, I took out the cell phone from my pocket and then immediately called Bae Yunhee.


    "What''s the matter?"


    I took a silent breath, then said pleadingly, "Yunhee, I need your help." I explained. "Before Chunghee left, I had a chance to see him get out of Du-Ho Hospital with Kim. I want you to find out the doctor he visited at the hospital."


    He sounded lethargic, "Hey, Lee, isn''t it¡ª"


    "Brother Bae, please, I''m begging you. I''m in Sokcho right now, you''re the only one who can do it. I beg you, please, help me." I sighed softly before continuing to say the important thing, "I told you, that I''ll give you anything if you help me ¡ª anything ¡ª and I mean it. If you want that company, then¡ª"


    "Enough, enough. Okay, alright. Stop whining like that. You''re only going to disgust me even more." With a pause, he continued to say, "I''ll call you back when I get information about the doctor, okay?"


    Hearing about this, I smiled. There was a little hope for me after all the pains filled my heart.


    Hanging up the phone, I immediately walked towards the car. Yoon Hoonsik walking in front of me, then he opened the car door for me, and immediately drove the car.


    About twenty minutes before arriving in Seoul, I kept waiting for Yunhee to spread the exhilaration. It had been almost three hours, but he had not notified me yet.


    After all, I just asked him to find out about the doctor that Chunghee visited at the hospital, but why did it take so long?


    I thought, for someone like Bae Yunhee, who liked to spy on someone, such a thing nothing compared to spy notable people like he often did.


    This was too easy for someone like him, as easy as turning his own palm.


    Then, what took him so long? Or, it''s me, the one who''s always impatient?


    However, I suppressed the impatience in my heart, trying to relax. l leaned my back, waiting for the news of him.


    Until Hoonsik''s voice broke the silence, "Sir, are you all right?."


    "I''m fine."


    Paused for a moment, he replied, "It''s better if you don''t have to push yourself, sir. If you''re looking for Mr. Park, you can give an order to your men, right?"


    I smiled weakly, "This is different."


    "Ah, all right, sir." He asked again, "Don''t you want to rest for a moment, sir?"


    "No need. We go straight to the agency."


    A few seconds after finishing my words, an incoming message made two vibrations on my phone. I immediately opened it and read it.


    [Bae Yunhee: I have received information about the doctor.]


    Instantly my eyes widened open and flinched when I read the message!


    However, the feeling of impatience, made my thumb press the call button on Yunhee''s number.


    "Hey, I was just about to text you," Yunhee said after answering my call.


    "Tell me. I want to hear it from you directly."


    He took a deep breath, then explained, "Chunghee started doing checkups about five months ago and the last time he was at the hospital was since December fourteenth. And ..." There was some doubt in his voice, "He had his first consultation with Professor Dr. Jeong Hoon and lastly with Dr. Choi Hyun. Do you know what doctor they are?"


    The tone of his voice was different in the last sentence. It sounded gloomy and deep like it was about to convey something bad at the emphasis of the tone.


    However, because of the shock, I could only be stunned wordlessly when I heard the explanation from him. Even, with him asking about this, made my thoughts swirl even more.


    Bae Yunhee said coldly, "Lee, you are such a jerk." He chuckled as if he was mocking something else, sounding cold and full of ridicule. He sneered, "All this time, Chunghee suffered because of you. And you, without the slightest sense of guilt, even just casually treat him like that. Always angry with him, blaming him, accusing something that he never did, and even you hit him, are you aware of what you did?"


    I was still silent without a word.


    "Heh, you are really out of your mind!" He sighed before continuing to say, "I actually didn''t care about the two of you, and was just helping you because we''re friends. But now, after I got to know about this information, I started to think that it was natural for him to leave you. I even praised that decision of him."


    I sighed so as not to be provoked by those words that were heard blaming me. I replied, "I thought, you''re as bad as me. Hearing you speak like a saint like that, really makes me want to laugh at you right now."


    "Heh, you bastard. You never want to be blamed even though you know that you are indeed the one to blame for your own problems." With a pause, he continued, "Never mind, you better not have to look for him again. You don''t deserve to be with him. Always saying ''I love him over and over again till makes me sick of it, but apparently you never really care about him. What a shame!"


    I let out a heavy sigh, then spoke with suppressed anger, "Yunhee, please, explain to me, why are you saying this? What do you mean?"


    "Heh, how stupid you are." He was silent for a while before saying firmly, "Chunghee had cancer!"


    I frowned tightly, showing no reaction. The feeling of surprise and confusion made such simple words difficult for me to understand. Then, haltingly I asked, "W-what do you mean? Wh-why did you say so?"


    "The doctors!" He said with a slightly lowered tone of his voice, but still with a clear emphasis, "Dr. Jeong Hoon, is an Oncologist and Dr. Choi Hyun is a neurologist. Park Chunghee has been suffering from brain cancer all this time."


    Bae Yunhee didn''t miss the important part, "You better get hurry to the hospital to hear a clearer explanation from the doctor. Last time, Chunghee had a consultation with Dr. Choi, but he isn''t at the hospital right now, so you can ask about this directly to Dr. Jeong."


    I felt my body suddenly become paralyzed. I froze in shock and dropped my cell phone without caring about the call that was still in progress.


    After hearing these words, the sense of shock not only made me speechless but also made me even more depressed.


    I lowered my head, squeezed my hair tightly, and wanted to scream, but I couldn''t. However, my chest was tight, as if choking my voice not to vent my pains, allowing me to feel deeper and deeper pain and guilt, so all I could do was secretly cry over my regret and grief.


    My chest seemed to be torn apart, and I cried as if not with tears but blood.


    Until finally, Yoon Hoonsik asked, "Are you okay, sir?"


    I sighed, then slowly lifted my gaze and despaired towards Hoonsik, who was in the driver''s seat, "Take me to Du-Ho Hospital now."


    He glanced at me in the rearview mirror, then asked, "Are you feeling well, sir?"


    My gaze turned dark after hearing his question. "Can you stop asking questions and do what I tell you?"


    Hearing him keep asking questions like this, made me even more furious, especially with my feelings that weren''t calm.


    "Ah, all right, sir. I-I''m sorry."


    After that, he immediately took the East route when we were in Seoul to immediately head to the hospital.

 Chapter 80 - Lee Donghwa: The Explanation Of Dr. Jeong

    After half an hour, I arrived at Du-Ho Hospital. I hurriedly got out of the car and asked Hoonsik to wait before getting inside.


    In the hall, I immediately went to the reception area and asked a nurse at the counter about the doctor named Jeong Hoon. She said that the doctor was doing chemotherapy on a patient and asked me to return about two or three hours later.


    There was a disappointment after hearing the answer, but I had no choice but wait. At least, knowing that Dr. Jeong was still in this hospital, was enough to make me relax.


    Even though the nurse asked me to come over the next few hours, I preferred to remain in the waiting room.


    A few moments later, from the entrance, Yoon Hoonsik walked towards me with several cans of drinks and several packets of food in his hands.


    When he was near me, showing a worried expression, he spoke, "Mr. Lee, you haven''t eaten since this morning." He handed me a drink and also the food he brought, then continued, "Here, you better have to eat first."


    I was about to turn down the offer. But, seeing the look on his face that was earnest, I sighed before taking him out of the hospital to eat this meal together in the front yard.


    We sat on the bench, eating the food that he brought. We did a little conversation, which was maybe ... just a small talk ...


    "Sir, what happened to you and Mr. Kim?"


    I took a sip before answering, "You don''t need to know."


    "But, sir, what you did before ..."


    "You don''t have to worry. You don''t have to worry about it. You better worry about yourself and your family."


    Yoon Hoonsik nodded and said nothing about this matter again.


    After a while, and talking about a few things, I returned to the hospital to wait for the doctor at the previous place and asked Hoonsik to wait for me outside.


    After almost three hours of waiting, a nurse came over to me. Smiling kindly, she said that Dr. Jeong was already in his office. She immediately escorted me to the doctor''s room.


    In front of the oncology room, the nurse immediately left. Then, without thinking any longer, by taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door and stepped inside.


    As soon as the door opened, I could see a bespectacled man wearing a neat white coat, sitting behind the desk with a notebook. He was attractive and looked very sociable. He was Professor, Dr. Jeong Hoon.


    At first, I thought that this doctor was someone who would be much older than me. However, when I saw him directly, his appearance was far from my expectations. He looked twenty-seven to twenty-eight years old, even younger than I imagined. I was a little dumbfounded to see a doctor ¡ª even younger than me ¡ª a few years younger than me ¡ªwho had already earned his ''professor'' title at such a young age.


    When he heard the door open, the doctor named Jeong Hoon suddenly smiled, welcoming me so friendly. He had a clear familiarity on his face, looked like a pleasant person. He said, "Ah, sir, please sit down."


    I immediately sat on a chair in front of his glossy black desk, with several books on it.


    "May I know your name, sir?"


    "Lee Donghwa."


    He smiled. "Mr. Lee, what is your complaint?"


    I took a deep breath before speaking, "Doc, I''m not coming here to consult. I just want to ask you something."


    He frowned in confusion, then asked again, "What is it, sir?"


    "Is it true that you have a patient named Park Chunghee?" Without further ado, I tried to make my words sound clearer, "I heard he was in this hospital for doing a consultation with you, so I came to confirm it."


    He fell silent after hearing my words. His gaze darkened with suspicion, then asked coldly, "Perdon me, sir, but, who are you? I mean, what is your relationship with Mr. Park? Since this concerns a medical code of ethics, I can''t give out information carelessly, sir."


    For a moment, I lowered my gaze, confused about what kind of answer to give. Until finally, I replied, "I ... I''m his family."


    "Family?" Dr. Jeong looked at me deeply, as if observing me, whether the answer I gave was true or fake. Until he smiled, as if he had found an answer in my eyes. "Oh, I see."


    I was silent and waited for an answer.


    His expression immediately turned calmer and smiled. "I''m sorry, sir. I''m asking such a thing because I just want to protect the privacy of my patient." He paused for a moment, then said, "Regarding Mr. Park ... that''s true. He''s my patient."


    "Can you tell me more details?"


    "Hmm, ''More details''?" At first, Dr. Jeong hesitated to speak, but finally, he did, "Mr. Park came to have his condition checked about a few months ago, and his diagnosis showed that he had brain cancer, already in stage three."


    Hearing those words, my body immediately went limp, and I resignedly leaned back on the chair as if I had lost the strength to move.


    Dr. Jeong explained again, "At this stage, I advised him to do all the treatment procedure. At first, he only asked me to administer medicine, but in the end, he decided to do surgery¡ª"


    "So, all this time he has never done the treatment?" Hearing about this, made me so surprised.


    "Yes, sir. For a few months, Mr. Park just continued to take medicine. I warned him, but he insisted on delaying the surgery. However, once he decided to do surgery and several times consulted with a neurologist, he suddenly disappeared. I tried to contact him but it''s useless."


    "It''s quite strange because Mr. Park is always checking his condition and collecting medicine regularly. I''m afraid if something happens to him." With a pause, he continued, "Judging by his last medical record, his condition is really bad. If he doesn''t continue his treatment soon, it will accelerate the spread of cancer in his body. I am not a God who can predict how long a person would live, but according to my previous experience, in his current state, it is quite dangerous because, in the next stage, his life expectancy will likely decrease."


    My eyes suddenly widened open, startled as I heard the explanation of Dr. Jeong.


    My whole body became weak and cold. I felt like I was dying.


    Dr. Jeong looked at me earnestly. There was a seriousness to his words when he said, "Aren''t you his family, sir? As a family, you should always support him and persuade him. This is because cancer sufferers need more psychological support to build more emotions that will make them have a passion for life."


    I smiled weakly after hearing about this, but it didn''t reach my eyes. This smile only implied deep sadness from me. I replied, "Actually, he never told me about this. I also just found out it today."


    After finishing my words, Doctor Jeong froze, as if there were things from my words that he had just understood and refused to interfere with.


    I stood up and bowed to him. "Dr. Jeong, thank you for your explanation."


    He smiled and said sincerely, "It is my duty to do this. And, make sure to remind Mr. Park to do the surgery right away. Mr. Park is a good person. He is also the only patient I get along well with. I''m sure, if persuaded him, he will return to continue his treatment."


    I nodded, then was about to turn around to leave this room. However, before doing so, the sudden thought made me stop immediately and spoke again, "Ah, I almost forgot. What about the medical expenses?"


    "Ah, about that, he already paid it off, sir."


    Stunned for a moment, I turned around and immediately left this place, leaving the hospital.


    So, all of Yunhee''s words were the truth ...


    In the car, I told Hoonsik to immediately drive the car.


    I gazed at the ring that wrapped around my finger while smiling implied my grief. Previously, I had never felt something like this; felt a feeling where there was only sadness and regret in my heart.


    So, this kind of feeling was called the saddest thing so that it no longer made me express everything.


    Am I at the point of depression?


    Anything else than just being frustrated?


    Heh, looks like more than that!


    I regretted that I didn''t spend a lot of time with him.


    And ... the medicines he had brought ...


    I regretted that I didn''t force Chunghee to be honest about his condition at that time.


    I was wondering, how would I have been without you? Could I survive?


    Before I could think any further, Hoonsik''s voice brought me to my senses, "Sir, shall we return to the apartment?"


    "What time is it now?"


    "Six o''clock, sir."


    "Take me to the usual bar," I replied indifferently.

 Chapter 81 - Lee Donghwa: Desperate For All Of This

    "Mr. Lee, you have a cardiac issue. Alcohol is not good for your current condition, sir," Hoonsik explained, worried.


    "Who cares?"


    Hoonsik fell silent. He knew that if I spoke like that, then no one should advise me anymore.


    Gazing out the window, I wondered inside, did Kim Daehyun hide Chunghee from me? Did he force Chunghee to hide from me? Is he hiding Chunghee somewhere?


    With my current chaotic thoughts, I couldn''t think of better things than to accuse him. After all, Kim Daehyun was in that house and what I knew was, Chunghee had never invited anyone else to visit his grandmother''s place except for me.


    Doesn''t that mean Kim Daehyun is with Chunghee right now?


    Besides, no one in this world who wanted someone they loved was hidden by someone else, so I wouldn''t be able to relax before I could meet Chunghee and apologize.


    However, before I could find the answer within myself, a new thought suddenly appeared in my head and broke my previous assumptions.


    I smiled bitterly. Inside, I was laughing at myself. I was a fool to ask that. After suffering from mental torment and enduring many pains, then being dumped and disrespected, no one could stand such a relationship, but Chunghee had been doing it for three years.


    No one could endure all these painful things except him. But, because of my ignorance and indifference, driving him away was unforgivable.


    However, I didn''t want to give up. I knew Chunghee as a kind and generous man, I believe that love wasn''t completely lost in him and was sure that he would forgive me.


    A few moments later, the car was parked right in front of a fancy bar. I opened the car door, but before I walked inside, Yoon Hoonsik asked while peeking through the windshield, "Sir, should I wait for you? I''m afraid you will get drunk."


    Without turning my head at him, I replied indifferently, "No need. I can take a taxi later."


    There was a brief pause before Hoonsik replied, "Ah, all right, sir. Just call me if you need something."


    Without a response, I immediately stepped inside.


    Jazz music was very familiar in this place. The melody took me into a deeper feeling, drowning me in pain.


    The owner of this place once told me that most of the diners at this bar were high-class people, and almost all of them requested for the same music, jazz. So, to make those rich people become regulars at this place, he purposely brought musicians from America, and it seemed to be working. Until now, this place had been in great demand by conglomerates.


    However, for me, I didn''t like that kind of genre of music and wasn''t really interested in music. It was just because this bar was the first place I visited, and I thought that such a place would serve the same drinks and as a brothel, so there was no need to look for a new place that would give me the same atmosphere.


    I rested my head on the counter, feeling uneasy over the wait. While scrolling through the menu on my phone, my thumb tapped into the photo gallery, hoping to find Chunghee''s photo there, but nothing. Chunghee wasn''t a narcissist. If it wasn''t me who took the photo of him secretly, there wouldn''t be a moment of our togetherness.


    However, all of those albums were gone, like him who was no longer with me.


    Thinking about this, I suddenly remembered that I still had one photo in my wallet. With a smile, I took my wallet out of my pocket and opened it.


    Here was an old photo of Chunghee that I took since we were in college. I couldn''t stop smiling when I saw the figure I missed all this time. From then and now, Chunghee''s face had not changed much. Even though now there were faint wrinkles on his face, nothing dominated his beauty.


    However, in this nostalgia, it was suddenly shattered when I heard the voice of a woman beside me.


    "Hey, you look messed up today, sir. Are you okay?"


    I lifted my head for a moment, turned to the side, and saw a woman who smiled at me.


    "Would you like a drink? I''ll treat you," the woman said.


    However, without caring, I returned to rest my head on the table, looking at Chunghee''s photo with great affection.


    "Sir, here, have a drink."


    Disgusted, I immediately lifted my head and straightened my back. Tucking Chunghee''s photo back in my wallet, I said nonchalantly, "Get lost."


    Before the woman replied, Jay Nam approached us after making a drink for a customer who was sitting not far next to me, then said, "Miss, look at his finger. He''s married, don''t tease him."


    "Tch."


    After Jay Nam said that, the woman immediately left as if holding back her embarrassment.


    Jay Nam explained, "She''s one of the hookers in this place. She might be interested in you, so she offered you vodka."


    "Whoever she is, I don''t even care." I glared at him before continuing, "Hurry and give me any drink. I want to get drunk tonight."


    Jay Nam was heard sighing deeply. He said nothing and immediately made a drink for me.


    While waiting, I stared at the table blankly until a glass of drink was shifted towards me. Then, I immediately took the drink and drank it all in one gulp.


    However, as soon as the drink passed through my throat, I realized that it wasn''t alcohol, but water topped with a little sugar and lemon. Frowning, I said irritably, "I''m asking for alcohol. Not water and sugar."


    Jay Nam smiled. "That''s a specialty drink, sir. Honey and lemon. You look unwell lately, so that would be a good fit. You should also cut back on drinking and smoking. Recently, you drink and smoke too much, more than you do usually."


    "Can you shut up and give me a drink, please? Don''t make my mood get worse," I replied sternly, looking at him furiously.


    Jay Nam shook his head. Feeling he had no choice, so he immediately took a drink and poured it into a glass.


    Spending an hour and a half in this place, I was also half-drunk, and instinctively muttered Chunghee''s name over and over.


    Jay Nam, who saw my situation, spoke, "Um, sir, I will contact Sunyeon to take you home, okay?"


    I immediately lifted my head, glaring at him. "Don''t call him. I can go home by myself by taxi."


    Finishing my words, I immediately stood up and put a few won on the table, then staggered outside.


    Seeing that I was having trouble walking normally, Jay Nam helped me to the front door until I got into a taxi.


    In the car, in helplessness, my cell phone suddenly rang. As soon as I saw it was Bae Yunhee ID, I immediately answered, "What?"


    "Have you been to the hospital?" Bae Yunhee asked.


    "Yes, I''ve heard the doctor''s explanation." Taking a silent breath, I said, "I don''t know what else to do. I didn''t know that Chunghee had cancer all this time. He also¡ª"


    "Okay," Yunhee cut in before I finished my words. He asked once again, "So, what about Chunghee? Have you met him?"


    There was a pause before I answered in a weak voice, "No. But, I met Kim at that house. He didn''t let me meet Chunghee. I know that he must be hiding him from me."


    "You sound pretty sure. So, what now?"


    Taking a silent breath, I replied, "Track Kim''s location."


    Instantly Yunhee was heard bursting out laughing. "For what?"


    "So I can find out where he hid my Chunghee."


    Hearing about this, Bae Yunhee sighed softly. "Look, don''t get yourself into a big trouble. If we do it, the problem will be even bigger if he finds out."


    "Then, what should I do? Do I have to wait for a miracle for him to tell me? To be honest, I don''t know what else to do. I can''t think of a single way out in my head. I just want to die. I don''t know why I have to live in this world."


    Bae Yunhee was heard sighing heavily once again. He''s probably sick of hearing my complaints and nonsense almost every day. He asked in a flat tone, "Where are you now?"


    "In the car ¡ª going home."


    "Okay, look, I know you''re tired of your troubles. But, hang on for a bit. Kim will present at the meeting tomorrow, so I''ll try to talk to him."


    "Yunhee, it''s useless. He will never listen to anything."


    Yunhee was silent for a while, then continued to say, "Go home and calm yourself. Tomorrow I will go to your place and discuss this after attending the meeting."


    Hearing about this, I smiled stupidly. "How can I be calm as if nothing happened these days?"


    "Just get some rest. I have a dinner appointment, so I''m going to hang up."


    After finishing the sentence, the phone was also cut off.


    As soon as Bae Yunhee hung up the phone, I stared at my cell phone screen blankly. I would be a delight if Yunhee offered such help. But, somehow, today I felt that whatever I did would be in vain.


    I had been desperate for all of this.

 Chapter 82 - Bae Yunhee: Negotiation

    The Olympus Federal Company.


    In the personnel department, I observed several reports from one of the employees, checking the sales results of the product and some inventory lists in the warehouse.


    As soon as I was about to walk out, Cho Sunyeon, who currently looked sluggish from his appearance, made me stop. I stared at him for a moment before voicing, "Hey, Sunyeon."


    He turned to me without a word. His eyes filled with emptiness, even the expression on his face looked the same as the previous days, grim.


    "Come with me."


    Sunyeon didn''t interrupt. He immediately stood up after hearing the direction, then followed me from behind.


    As soon as we arrived at my office, I asked him to sit on the sofa. Lighting a cigarette, I asked him, "Kid, what''s wrong with you?"


    He just shook his head weakly without a word.


    "Lee transferred you to this company so that you no longer approach him, and you are here not to be upset all day, but to work for me. I need your brain and your energy for my company," I explained. "Remember, I''m not Lee who will spoil you, who doesn''t care if you slack off like that. He''s transferring you here doesn''t mean I''ll treat you like him. I could even fire you for this. I''ve also gotten several reports from the department head and some of your co-workers. I will not remain silent. This is your first rebuke."


    Sunyeon, who had a sad expression on his face, turned fierce. He lifted his gaze, gave me a sharp look, then said boldly and sounded stubborn, "Then, do it. I haven''t wanted to work for this company since long ago."


    Hearing how stubborn this kid was, I sighed silently, trying to suppress my emotions. "Kid, be responsible with your work. It''s also for your good. You entered this company with a better position than others. You should be more grateful and use this opportunity to learn many things."


    "I know that Lee put you in as his personal assistant because he doesn''t want you to interfere with the work at the agency. But, it''s also because he doesn''t mind if one of his employees is out of work pay. Now, he dumps you here and this company is unlike the agency you had worked at. Everyone here is working hard, and I won''t treat you like a special employee or a throw-out, so do your best for the bonus. Besides, if you think that I''m scolding you right now, then you need to be grateful. If you are in the TU company, the president of that company won''t hesitate to berate you before finally firing you. You know it, right?"


    Hearing my words, his face turned soft. He lowered his head, then said sadly, "But, I can''t stop thinking about Brother Lee. I know he doesn''t love me and only uses me. But, I also can''t accept it if he just throws me away."


    I chuckled. "Sunyeon, from the start you flirt him, right? So, this is the risk that you should accept. After all, I warned you long ago that never be jealous of Donghwa if it was about Chunghee or you would be beaten by him. But, you even came boldly to his house, asked Donghwa to come back to you, and the worst, you were caught by his wife. You''re lucky because Donghwa didn''t kill you that day."


    "Look, I have known Lee Donghwa for many years. I know that that kid has a tough and selfish personality. Only Chunghee can make him like a spoiled kitten, and you will never take his place. So, stop persuading Donghwa to reconcile with you. You know that he doesn''t think of you as more than a slut he keeps in a different city. You know what I mean, right?"


    Cho Sunyeon''s eyes instantly filled with tears, he stuttered, "Brother Bae, you don''t provide a solution at all. Your words only hurt me even more."


    I was momentarily stunned. Somehow, I felt that I nurtured two people who had the same heartache. Even though my own relationship with my wife wasn''t good lately, but I had to be wise for two people who were both failures in romance.


    Trying to relax, I said, "Heh, I already advised you. Do better and forget about him. He will never return to you, no matter what."


    Before Sunyeon could respond, someone knocked on the door and walked in.


    "Mr. Bae, we must go to the meeting."


    I immediately stood up, then walked beside Sunyeon, squeezed his shoulder as if giving him support, before leaving the room.


    Downstairs, several cars were parked in front of the building. A big, burly man, clad in a black coat, opened a limousine door, and I immediately got in.


    The car drove slowly and soon, stopped at a skyscraper in District C. The same man opened the door for me, so I immediately got out and walked into the building.


    In a large hall, many of the head of the huge company was present at this place, one of them was Kim Daehyun as this skyscraper was his. Our eyes met, but he arrogantly rolled his eyes, as if looking at me like he was seeing at a piece of dirt.


    I wasn''t pleased with the welcome. However, since this was his territory, I could only refrain from cursing him head-on.


    The leaders gathered at a round table. Kim Daehyun began to speak, as coolly as ever, explaining the product he had just launched. His shrewdness of speech amazed people in this hall, but not for me.


    As soon as he finished talking, a woman, who I knew was named A Yeong, his new assistant, handed out a copy of the contract to each of us. The other leaders looked satisfied, signing contracts gladly at the promising results. Meanwhile, I read it carefully, observed the contents of the contract before signing it.


    After that, the next LCD screen was turned on, showing the data visualization and the product we just signed. I studied the contents, paying attention to all the explanations of an independent woman upfront.


    Twenty minutes later, the meeting was over. I didn''t leave right away but chatted with a few people I knew in the hall.


    However, from the corner of my eye, I saw that Kim Daehyun had rushed out of this room with his assistant. I immediately ended my conversation with these people, then came out to catch up with him.


    Looking for where he was, I accidentally saw him enter a non-smoking room, and immediately caught up with him.


    When I was inside, Kim Daehyun sat on the table with one foot on the other. He lit a cigarette on his finger with a lighter, then said as if he already knew what was for I came to this place.


    "You''re so persistent. I didn''t expect you to sign that contract just to have a one-on-one talk with me," he said, smoking lazily, and then the smell of tobacco suddenly filling the room.


    Grinning, I walked over to him, and asked, "Can I have your cigarette?"


    Without a word, he threw away the pack of cigarettes and the lighter on me. I caught them, then sat next to him.


    "I signed the contract because I was interested in it," I said, responding to his words just now.


    He fell silent, smoking a cigarette on his finger.


    "You look cheerful today. Looks like, you''ve been doing something fun lately, huh?" I said, teasing him a little.


    "No need to mince words. Tell me why you are here?"


    "Heh, okay." I said, "It''s about Lee. You must know what I''m going to say."


    "..."


    I explained, "Lee looked so depressed since he lost what should have been his. I know he''s a jerk, but he''s already repented of what he did. I''ve never even seen Lee, who I know as a tough person, become so fragile like that."


    As soon as I finished my words, I glanced at Kim Daehyun, who was sitting beside me, to see how his expression was.


    However, what I saw was really heartless. He grinned coldly as if he had done nothing wrong and was innocent. He asked indifferently, "Then, what?"


    "Tell me, where you hid Park."


    "So, you two accused me of hiding him? Actually, you came here to negotiate or accuse me of being absurd?" He chuckled a little as if mocking my words. "I never hid anyone from the start. But, I found him first, and he said that he had been dumped by his owner. So, now he is mine ¡ª he is my responsibility. How can you accuse me like that? You two aren''t much different though."


    Hearing his words, I was amused, but holding back to laugh. I replied, "If you find a thing, it doesn''t mean that it''s yours. You just found it by accident and now, the owner of that thing is looking for his and you have to return it."


    "Yeah, if it''s a thing, then I''ll return it, but sadly, he''s a human, who knows when it''s time to go."


    "Kim, look, Chunghee is the most precious person to Donghwa. I know who Donghwa is and I know how crazy he is to Chunghee." Taking a silent breath, I said, "They still love each other. I''m sure that Chunghee still loves him either. I''ll bet you, if you bring the two of them together, Chunghee will come back to him. What do you think? Will you dare to do it."

 Chapter 83 - Bae Yunhee: He Was In Great Depression

    Kim Daehyun''s eyes turned cold, even the aura of his presence was like a pheromone that froze anything in this room, but he didn''t respond other than to be silent in a tense atmosphere.


    However, it didn''t scare me at all. I grinned, feeling confident that I had managed to corner this arrogant man.


    "I know that you will never dare to do it because you''re worried that Chunghee will return to Lee, right?" Smiling proudly, I continued in a mocking tone, "You''re so cowardly by the looks of you. Your appearance doesn''t reflect the true guts of you."


    As soon as I finished my words, he glanced at me, as sharp as a sword drawn right at my eyes. He said, "You know that I ain''t someone who''s easily provoked by such words. Whatever you say, it doesn''t affect me."


    "Heh, I didn''t even mean to provoke you. I''m just challenging you to bring them together. If Chunghee doesn''t want to return to him, then I won''t allow Lee to chase him again." Paused for a moment, I said again in a subtle tone, "I don''t want him to not being himself. Honestly, I feel sorry for him. Therefore, to prove that Chunghee doesn''t want to¡ª"


    "Nonsense." He interrupted before I finished my sentence, "Think of this as karma for his deeds. I''m sure that Chunghee never wanted a breakup. He''s been holding out as long as he can, but no one cares about what he''s fighting for. I don''t know if Lee is the type of man who can''t be straightforward or anything, but what I saw that time is Chunghee always endured his pain."


    Hearing about this, I immediately concluded. "So, you''re crazy about him, huh?"


    "Any problem with that?"


    I chuckled. "As far as I know, you just met him a few months ago, and are you this crazy for him? I''m sure that there are a lot of people who are crazy about you. But, like a donkey, you''re a donkey who likes to eat the neighbor''s grass."


    Kim Daehyun looked at me deeply with a mysterious gaze, then said coldly that sounded deep, "You don''t know me. You don''t know how I ...."


    At his last sentence, Daehyun suddenly stopped as if he was about to reveal a secret, so he paused for a few seconds before he said with the different sentence, "Get the hell out of here right now."


    I frowned. Hearing those words as if he had just said that his relationship with Chunghee was more than what I thought.


    However, since this man was mysterious and unpredictable, I didn''t want to conclude too quickly. From my experience partnering with his father in business, I had been trapped several times by simple words that had such deep meaning, and I was sure that his descendant wasn''t that different. So, I just said, "You kicked me out? Is this how you treat your new colleague?"


    "This place is mine. I can kick anyone as I please. I don''t even care if he is a leader in the biggest electronics company in East Asia."


    I smiled. Hearing sarcasm words like that, I immediately stood up. But, before leaving this room, I said, "You know, one day, you will feel the pain of what Lee feels, Kim."


    He didn''t respond and continued to smoke lazily.


    As soon as I finished my words, I immediately left this place, headed downstairs, and immediately went to see Donghwa.


    Before I met him, I called him several times first to find out his whereabouts, but he never answered my calls. So, I decided to contact Yoon Hoonsik, and he said that Donghwa wasn''t in his office today. I hurriedly went to his place.


    At the door, I pressed the doorbell several times but there was no answer. Because I didn''t want my coming to be in vain, I tried to call him many times, until he finally answered my call.


    "Go away. I''m not feeling well today," he replied, on the phone.


    "I''m at your door. If you don''t want to open it, then I''ll break into your house."


    "Go away."


    "Huh, look, I just met Kim this noon, don''t you want to hear it?"


    "..."


    "Okay, I leave now."


    I was about to hang up, but he suddenly said, "Wait ..."


    After a minute of waiting, the door opened.


    Donghwa''s appearance was terrible. Thin and messy, like a dog that had been neglected by its owner for years. The unshaven hair on his face made him look even older than his real age. I was speechless to see the appearance of a man who used to be bright, strong, and dedicated, now became pathetic.


    "Come in."


    I walked behind Donghwa, staring at his shoulders as if they were carrying tons of weight. I didn''t want to comment, but I couldn''t help but say it.


    "Why don''t you take care of yourself? Don''t you ever look in the mirror and see how you look? It''s really bad you know."


    He didn''t give any response.


    As soon as we sat on the sofa, I said again, "At this state, what about you go check on your psychology? Or, do you need a mental hospital? I can take care of it."


    Donghwa stared at the floor blankly and with no expression on his face. He was silent for a while, then said on a different topic, "Yunhee, have you talked to Kim? What did he say?" His voice sounded hoarse as if his vocal cords had broken.


    Leaning my back lazily, I replied, "You''re right. That person just can''t be compromised."


    "I told you."


    Finishing his words, he suddenly stood up. Before he was about to take a step, I asked curiously, "Hey, where are you going?"


    Without turning his head, he replied, "I told you that I''m not feeling well today, so leave now." He then stepped into his bedroom.


    Feeling ignored, I didn''t remain silent. I immediately stood up and followed him into the bedroom.


    The bedroom looked gloomy and dark. The window that wasn''t opened, made the air feel so stuffy. I fumbled around the wall, looked for the light switch, then turned it on as soon as I found it.


    On the bed, Donghwa cuddled under the blanket, hugging the pillow. I walked over to him with careful steps, but as soon as I was about to sit on the side of the bed, Donghwa suddenly exclaimed, "No! Don''t sit there!"


    I immediately stood up straight, and asked, "Why?"


    "That''s Chunghee''s bed. Don''t ever touch it."


    Hearing his words, I just shook my head. Because I felt sorry for Donghwa''s behavior which was getting worse every day, I started to feel bad.


    However, I wasn''t good at showing my care, so everything I said was like a mockery that could make someone angry.


    "Hey, are you really sick? You''re just thinking a lot of things lately. Get up now and come with me for some fresh air."


    Donghwa fell silent. He closed his eyes, but I could tell that he wasn''t sleeping.


    I sighed, and said, "Kim said that he found Chunghee first. I don''t think that he was hiding him. From the start, he didn''t know anything about this matter, but it was just a coincidence. Whether it''s because of you being so reckless and impatient or he the one who found Chunghee somewhere. Is that clear?"


    Donghwa opened his eyes slowly as soon as he heard my words. Then, with difficulty, he got up from his position. He didn''t say anything other than looking at me with a soulless gaze.


    "Now, stop complaining and acting like that. You''re an adult, not a teenager anymore. You started this problem and you have to solve it on your own terms. Come on, cheer up."


    "Then, what? I tried really hard and the results made me despair," he said in a weak voice.


    "Tch!" I was annoyed. The line of despair irritated me that I said something I shouldn''t say to a depressed person. "If you feel discouraged by all your efforts, why don''t you just end your life so you don''t suffer again?"


    He suddenly smiled and I knew, it was a smile that interpreted something stupid in his head.


    He immediately stood up, walked to the window, and opened it. Because of that action, I immediately ran and held him from doing anything stupid. I tried to persuade, "Hey, man, don''t be silly. I''ll help you, but please be patient. I have a lot of work to do and I have to finish everything one by one. I promise I''ll help you, but don''t even think about committing suicide."


    He laughed hollowly. "You just gave me good advice and now, you''re preventing me? You know, I''ve been wanting to do this for a long ago, but I''m trying to hold back because I believe that I can still persuade Chunghee to return. But, looks like, you''re right. I shouldn''t have to put in any wasted effort again."


    "Okay, okay, it''s my fault. I''m sorry. But, I''ll help you. I promise."


    As soon as I finished my words, I could feel the muscles of his body starting to relax, so I slowly let go of my hands.


    Donghwa turned towards me. Smiling, but the emptiness in his eyes had not disappeared.


    Without saying anything, he walked past me, returned to the bed. He laid down and curled up under the blanket.


    I looked at him with pity. After all, my words were just persuasion, which I, myself, didn''t find a single solution to this problem, yet I couldn''t tell him as he was seriously depressed.

 Chapter 84 - Bae Yunhee: Crying Like A Baby Who Needed Milk

    I stared at Donghwa in silence, feeling in disbelief at how he was right now. In just a few days of not seeing him, his appearance was that devastated. I never expected that Donghwa would be even worse than I ever thought when he lost something.


    Silent for a few moments, I stepped onto the bed where he wrapped the blanket around his body. How pathetic.


    I sat beside him, lifting my chin to stare at the ceiling of this bedroom before trying to comfort him by words.


    "Hey, Donghwa, it''s been a while since we had fun with the others. They''re all looking for you. What about we have dinner together tomorrow? I''ll tell them if you agree. What do you think? You''ve thought too much of something lately. Leave that for a moment and try to relax."


    I turned to him, patted him on the shoulder as I continued to persuade him, "Hey, man, I''m lonely. If you don''t want to go with them, what about me? What about we go to the entertainment centers?"


    "Not interested."


    I sighed softly. "What if you accompany me to the casino? I''m not asking you to take part but¡ª"


    "Yunhee, my morals are already bad. Don''t take me to a worse place to mislead me even more," Donghwa interrupted my sentence.


    I laughed hollowly. "Then tell me, where do you want to go? I don''t know if we''ve been going to better places than all of that before."


    "..."


    "Dude, come on, try to find something that can make you feel better. I miss the times we had fun like before. At that time, you were not this boring. Come on, forget your problems for a moment. I''m also afraid you will go crazy and not recognize me again, even yourself." I smiled, and gave a little compliment, "You know, you''re the best buddy I ever had. It''s not easy to find someone as crazy and wild who has a noble heart like you."


    As soon as I finished my sentence, there was a long pause before Donghwa opened his voice that sounded hoarse, "No matter how you persuade me, I have no passion to do something like that anymore, so go away. Instead of you here and talking nonsense, you better go. Don''t waste your time. You must also have a lot of work to do out there."


    "I have no business today." Paused for a moment, I thought of something. I wanted to ask him about how he met Kim Daehyun in Sokcho but I doubt it. However, after reconsidering and driven with intense curiosity, I decided to ask him.


    "Alright, then tell me, why did you meet Kim yesterday?" I asked curiously.


    "Yunhee, I don''t want to talk about it."


    I chuckled. "You should be grateful. Usually, I would complain if you kept talking about your failed love affair. But, now I''m glad to offer myself. Come on, if telling someone can make you feel better, then tell me."


    "I''m not in the mood."


    "Heh, alright." Sighing lethargically, I thought that I should open the topic of conversation first to get him to talk, so I started explaining, "You said that Kim snatches Chunghee from you, right? I am actually a little hesitant about it. When he said that he ''found him first'', and it means that he didn''t do it and Chunghee didn''t come to him either. Everything was accidental."


    Hearing about this, Donghwa slowly opened the blanket that was covering his face. Turning to me, then trying to dodge, "I believe Chunghee didn''t come to him, but I can''t believe that damn Kim didn''t snatch him from me. If he really doesn''t feel like he''s snatched something from me, he should have let me see Chunghee yesterday. But, what? I knelt in front of him, but he just walked away."


    I frowned. Thinking about it carefully before replying, "You know that he likes Chunghee, right? Of course, he won''t waste this chance. After all, why are you so stupid to let Chunghee go? Your stupidity is ingrained."


    As soon as I finished my words, I looked at him as if I blamed him. However, I was suddenly surprised when I saw that his eyes began to tear up. He turned his face to the side, hiding his face under the blanket. He then spoke in a trembling voice and I know that he was crying right now.


    "Don''t remind me of that. I regret what I shouldn''t say to him. I never meant to throw him out either. I just bluffed him because I thought he wouldn''t go away from me like he once did. I... I ... I didn''t know that he had cancer all this time. If only I had known it, I would never have left him alone and told him to ...." He paused, trying to suppress his voice but failed.


    He couldn''t hold back his tears anymore and cried hysterically like a baby who needed milk. Even, Donghwa, who had high self-esteem all this time, had such an inferiority complex in my eyes. He would never normally had wanted to show such weakness, but now he just did it, in front of someone who was always making fun of him.


    "I really didn''t mean to do that. You know that I can''t control myself when I get angry and all those words just come out. I thought Chunghee would understand because he''s been facing me for many years, but I never thought that he would take it seriously. I''m stupid! Don''t tell me that, I already know that I''m stupid!"


    I was speechless. I was about to justify what he just said but I thought that it would only make him blame himself even more, so I asked, "Why did you guys argue that time?"


    Donghwa shouted all of a sudden, glaring at me furiously. "I caught him with Kim in the hospital. If they just walked together, then I can still tolerate them and will forget about the problem. But, they are holding hands! I don''t like it when Chunghee is touched by anyone!"


    I lifted an eyebrow, feeling the words he said were too ridiculous for someone who liked to sleep with anyone out there when he was lonely. But, I tried to be his brother who would listen to everything he had to say, whether it made sense or not.


    However, amid his crying, he suddenly burst out laughing like a man who had lost his sanity. "You know, and the funny thing is, Daehyun already slept with him. So, what can I do? Laughing at myself, right?"


    I grinned coldly. "I don''t think so. Kim isn''t that kind of person I think. But, if so, what can we do?"


    "Are you on his side?"


    "Ah, no, that''s not it. I just conclude what I see from him. He is a dignified and intellectual man. He doesn''t look like someone who likes to fuck anyone carelessly. Even if he likes Chunghee, he won''t be that hideous I think. So, don''t worry too much about it," I explained, trying to comfort him even though I wasn''t sure what my words were.


    After he calmed down a little, then he spoke, "I''ll keep coming to Sokcho to check on him. I won''t give up until I can see my Chunghee." He turned around again, wrapping himself in the blanket. "Leave now."


    "You don''t want to go out for a walk? Instead of rotting in your bedroom, we''d better go ... anywhere you find pleasant."


    "No ¡ª no need ¡ª go away," he said indifferently.


    Since I didn''t want to make his mood get worse, I stood up immediately. I stared at him for a moment, then was about to turn around. However, before I took a step, I suddenly remembered something and immediately asked, "Um, two days ago, I met Mr. Kim (Kim Myungdae) and he was looking for you with the worst expression he ever showed me. Did you do anything stupid again?"


    Donghwa didn''t reply immediately. There was a few seconds of pause before he said in a low, anxious voice, "It''s a matter of contract a week ago. Being too busy with my personal affair, I forgot that the agency owned by the Lim family offered me a contract. So, he got mad at me because Lim canceled the cooperation plan."


    I was momentarily stunned when I heard his words, shaking my head before contemplating that stupidity. "You''re really devastated, dude. This is the umpteenth time you''ve done something wrong to him. Fortunately, Mr. Kim is patient enough, so he can forgive you. Hopefully, in the future, you can think better. Don''t let him get angry till he thinks to involve you in taking part in shares. Your career could be ruined you know. Next time, please use your common sense so that your brain doesn''t get more stupid than now, okay?"


    "I don''t even care."


    Hearing his indifferent answer, I could only sigh, then left this place. After all, whatever advice I gave, in that half-mad state, he wouldn''t listen to me. So, instead of having to waste my time talking to him, I better left, and let him be alone to calm himself down, also contemplating on his future today.


    ***

 Chapter 85 - Selfishness (1)

    Sokcho Town.


    After the nurse took the blood pressure measurement, she immediately walked out of the ward with a smile. Then, I grabbed the book that was lying on the bedside table while waiting for Daehyun to return from buying lunch.


    Today, after a few days in the hospital, I was trying to get through the boring day after day, by just reading the book that Daehyun bought for me two days ago, and finishing it in just one day.


    Not surprisingly. I had always loved reading books since in school until I entered college. Even after I got into a relationship with Donghwa, I often took him to the library even though he wasn''t someone who was into reading.


    I missed those times, but all of them were gone long ago, and would never happen again.


    Around 14:00 at noon, like the previous days, I sat on the patient bed and daydreamed as if I was just living alone in this world while waiting for death.


    I glanced at the clock hanging on the wall as if waiting for time to stop spinning. Then, I shifted my gaze to the bedside table and saw Daehyun''s watch that he left. I grabbed it and noticed that the time difference was ten minutes different.


    I remembered that I had asked him about this once, and he said that he didn''t want to be late for work, so he delayed his hour so that it was a little slower.


    Kim Daehyun was indeed a man who was always disciplined about everything and hated chaos. He was also a calm person, but when his calmness was disturbed, he could stab someone with his cold gaze like a cold-blooded beast that wanted to prey on rodents.


    When I compared to Donghwa who had a bad temper and would go berserk if the things beyond his plan, Daehyun preferred to remain silent rather than express his anger and that was what made him be respected by many of his business opponents.


    However, recently Daehyun''s good temper had begun to show what he was like if he loved someone. He couldn''t even stay silent and always talked a lot. It was different from what he showed in the office, where he was cold; didn''t talk much; rarely showed a smile. That''s why his employees never dared to look into his eyes for more than five seconds.


    Thinking about him, I remembered that Daehyun had not returned since he left to buy lunch an hour ago. It made me wonder, what took him so long out there?


    Feeling bored, I closed the book I was reading and put it on the table, then leaned my back against the back of the bed.


    A week ago, after our argument that night, the pain in my head suddenly appeared as if it had been hitting me with a single hard blow, feeling the intense throbbing and dizziness at the same time. It made my whole body go numb until I was unconscious. Then, when I woke up, I was already in a different place, a place where I spent my boring time for the past few days.


    I woke up after two days in the hospital. When I opened my eyes for the first time, the first person I saw was Daehyun with a pale face, looking less rested, just because he was constantly awake to wait for me to wake up.


    He didn''t say anything to me and didn''t complain, but his face couldn''t cover the fatigue he had been through during those two days.


    Apart from the company that was being quite far from Sokcho, he also had to set aside his free time just to look after me and make him sleepless.


    I took a deep breath.


    He was both too kind and quite stupid. I thought that he shouldn''t be wasting his time on a half-dying person like me.


    A few moments later, the double knock on the door immediately made me turn my eyes towards the door. Someone opened the door, and Daehyun came in with a bag of food and some fruits.


    I complained, "Daehyun, you''ve been taking so long. Where have you been?"


    He smiled, then walked over to me. When he was beside me, he put the food he had just bought on the table and sat down on the bed.


    His big hand moved to touch my face gently, then asked, "Are you waiting for me?"


    I turned my gaze to another side, showing a sullen face. "No. Don''t get me wrong."


    Hearing my words, he smiled then kissed my cheek gently. "Then, why do you ask that?"


    I was surprised but didn''t say a word.


    "Sorry, I have a business to take care of just now." He chuckled, took out two bowls of food with meat, then handed one bowl to me, saying, "Let''s eat. I''m starving."


    Daehyun ate heartily, he even finished the food I left behind. He said, his mother once said that they shouldn''t waste food and be grateful for everything because out there were many less fortunate people, even working hard just for a bite of rice.


    After lunch, Daehyun cleaned everything up. Then, he sat beside me, smiling incessantly.


    "Do you want to eat an apple? I''ll peel it for you."


    Before he grabbed the apple and knife on the table, I immediately held him and said, "Daehyun, I don''t want to be here. Have you talked to the doctor?"


    He froze for a moment before straightening his back again and speaking in a dry voice, "I won''t allow you."


    "Daehyun, I can''t stay in this place all the time. I don''t like it." With a pause, I touched his face with my hands, and said, "I don''t want to spend my time here. I want to go home. I''d rather spend the rest of my life in my own place than have to¡ª"


    "Chunghee!" He held my hands, looked at me with genuine care and affection. "Don''t say things like you won''t live much longer."


    I paused for a moment, then asked, "Brother Kim, do you want to see me suffer?"


    He lowered his gaze a little, then shook his head weakly.


    "No? Look at me." I caressed his face gently and lifted his chin slowly, "Do I look happy to be here?"


    He took a deep breath, and then said, "But, if it is suffering that will make you recover from this disease, then I would rather make you suffer."


    "There is no ''suffering'' that makes people get well. Don''t talk nonsense."


    My face turned dark, staring intently at him before laying down on the bed.


    Soon after that, Daehyun persuaded me, "Chunghee, you better have to continue your treatment. We have to go back to Seoul."


    I stared at him silently before replying in a low voice, "I don''t want to go back to that city. There are many things I want to forget there. Besides, I don''t want Donghwa to find me. If I meet him, I''m afraid that I will feel sorry for him, and will come back to him. I don''t want to."


    "Then what if we go to Busan? I have an acquaintance there. He is in charge of one of the huge hospitals. So, please, don''t make any excuses. If you don''t want to see Lee, I can work on it. But, please, don''t ignore your condition, you have to do the surgery. After that, you''re free to choose where you will hide. Even if you want to go abroad, I''ll take you wherever you want."


    "I don''t have money to pay for my medical treatment anymore. I''ve used up some of the money I have raised."


    "Don''t think about it. At any cost, I''ll cover it all. I can also cover your living expenses at once."


    When I heard those words, I was suddenly speechless. I stared at him silently, wondering how he could say all this without a hitch.


    He said again, "Chunghee, don''t think about anything other than your current condition, okay?"


    In the long silence, I smiled meaningfully, then asked, "Do you offer this because you loved me or you want to do it because we are friends? I want you to answer me honestly."


    He was silent for a moment before he answered in deep words as if they were from the bottom of his cold, deep heart.


    "It''s because I love you. I hope this is my second chance. I liked you for years but before I confessed my feelings, we had to separate because of a situation. But, when we were reunited after twenty-two years, I was both happy and disappointed. I was happy to see you one more time and disappointed that you''re with someone else. Satisfied? "


    He didn''t forget to say, "You want me to be honest and now, I''m being honest. I know you just set me up with that question but I don''t care. As long as you want me to be honest about my feelings, then I''ll do it."


    I grinned. "I appreciate it. Then you must already know my answer, right? So, don''t force me."

 Chapter 86 - Selfishness (2)

    "Chunghee, don''t be stubborn. I know you''re hurt. But, don''t let it make you ignore your condition."


    "I just feel so bad if you sacrifice so much for me. If you do it, then I feel like I need to pay you double. I can''t do it. I can''t pay you with a feeling nor money."


    Finishing my sentence, I immediately turned around, turning my back towards him, then pulling the white blanket so that it covered my whole body. I curled up in the blanket like a shrimp in a frying pan.


    He also spoke with a hand that touched my head, stroking it gently, "Chunghee, I told you, don''t think about it. You don''t have to owe me. It doesn''t matter if you don''t reward my feelings. I don''t mind at all. As long as you don''t ignore your condition, that''s enough for me."


    "You know, I just want to be with you. I''m afraid that if you ignore yourself, I won''t be with you much longer. I''m afraid of that. I just got a chance to be with you, so please, don''t make me miss this chance."


    I refused to respond to his words and remained huddled under the white blanket that covered my whole body.


    "Chunghee, are you angry?"


    "..."


    Not getting any response, he suddenly hugged my body from behind. Lying on my shoulder, he whispered in my ear in a deep voice combined with the softness of the tone waves at each word he said, "Chunghee, don''t be angry. I beg you. I''ve already talked to the doctor, and he did advise you to stay here for a few more days. What can I do if the doctor hasn''t let you go home? I can''t just take you away in this hospital. It will be no different from kidnapping his patient."


    I wanted to say something. But, the words that were already on the tip of my tongue were swallowed up again because of the intimacy of Daehyun''s warm breath on the nape of my neck. It was amused and I wasn''t used to it, yet I also couldn''t do anything even though I wanted to get rid of Daehyun apart from letting Himself stay here.


    After a few moments of silence, he kissed my head, then spoke again, "Okay then, I get to go. Get some rest, okay?"


    He got up from his position and I could hear his footsteps that slowly moved away and disappeared along with the sound of the door closing.


    At this silence, my mind immediately fell to Daehyun who had just left and realized that I often imposed my wishes that were difficult for him to do.


    However, being gentle like that, made me gradually start to accept his presence and also his cares.


    Somehow, when he cared for me so sincerely, made me calm and happy at the same time.


    I wondered, what does this feeling mean?


    I kept thinking about my own feelings; considering many things; integrating everything with the existing reality. However, it felt endless. I never found a point, to sum up, this feeling. So, a few moments later, I fell asleep because I was lost in my own thoughts.


    Waking up at night, I slowly opened my eyes, then swept my eyes in all directions and found Daehyun who was peeling an apple beside where I was currently lying.


    I smiled faintly. This kind of situation as if happened twice. I asked, "Daehyun since when were you here?"


    His cold face brightened as a smile etched on it. He then put the apple on a plate on the bedside table, and replied, "Since a few minutes ago."


    I slowly got up from my position and Daehyun helped me. Then, he served a glass of water which he took from the table, near the apple that had been peeled. I immediately grabbed it, then took a single sip.


    I wiped my wet lips, then put the glass of water back on the table. Feeling guilty, I spoke doubtfully, "Um, about this afternoon, I''m ... sorry."


    One his eyebrow raised. "Are you still thinking about it? It''s okay. Don''t think about it too much."


    I lowered my gaze. Still, I felt guilty for my attitude this afternoon.


    He took my hand, and said with a smile, "Hey, I have good news. I''m sure that you would love to hear it."


    I frowned faintly, with a curious expression, "What is that?"


    "Earlier, I talked to the doctor again, and he said that you can leave this hospital tomorrow."


    Instantly I frowned in confusion, and couldn''t help but ask, "Didn''t you say that the doctor hadn''t allowed me? You also didn''t agree with this decision before. But, why ..."


    I didn''t expect that he would do that, moreover how he was so emphatically saying his words this afternoon, even I thought that nothing could change that statement from him.


    However, this was beyond my expectations. His mood changed really quickly as if tonight he was a different person from this afternoon.


    He sighed softly. Smiling, he said, "I changed my mind. So, I decided to discuss this with the doctor once again, and luckily, he agreed. I also signed a letter of consent."


    Instantly my face turned happy and reflexively hugged his body tightly. "Daehyun, thank you, and I''m sorry for pushing you into this."


    He didn''t respond to my words, but I could feel his hands also hugging my body, and thought that Daehyun would be fine. I was both happy and touched at the same time.


    It might sound unfair to him if I said that his predicament had paid off sweetly for me ¡ª selfish and careless. However, that''s how I felt when I was with him that I felt moved when I thought about it.


    Daehyun often bothered himself just because I was selfish, and with great patience, he faced my attitude without the slightest complaint.


    He also said, "Chunghee, if anything happens to you, I will regret this decision for the rest of my life."


    I could understand the meaning of that sentence. But how did I know if one day ''nothing would happen to me''? It''s impossible if you looked at my current state.

 Chapter 87 - Beautiful Togetherness

    The next day, around 9:00 p.m. Daehyun and I, were preparing to leave the hospital. However, before we left, I made the bed first and cleaned the leaves of the withered rose flower, which Daehyun bought a few days ago. As for Daehyun, I asked him to wait downstairs.


    Due to Daehyun''s busyness, we just had a chance to leave the hospital at night. This afternoon, the company he currently ran, was holding a meeting to discuss the design of a new project and had to be attended by him personally, so he couldn''t ask anyone to replace him. Moreover, his father, Kim Myungdae, asked him to conduct a field survey of a construction project in Andong.


    He still had two agendas he had to attend to this evening, but he chose not to go and asked his assistant to replace him.


    Hearing his explanation this morning, reminded me of when I was still working at the company, reminding me of busy meeting schedules. Organizing everything was painstaking. It''s a difficult thing that I often complain about, but he laughed at me instead.


    After tidying everything up, I immediately went downstairs where Daehyun was waiting.


    Downstairs, Daehyun was leaning against the wall of the hospital fence. I walked over to him and said, "Daehyun, sorry to keep you waiting."


    He smiled for a moment, then frowned all of a sudden. "Chunghee, why don''t you wear the scarf I bought for you? It''s very cold tonight."


    Thinking for a moment, I immediately felt my neck to make sure. "Ah, I forgot to take it on the bed. I have to go back."


    I was about to turn around to return, but Daehyun had prevented me. "No need. Wear mine."


    He immediately took off his black scarf and immediately put it on my neck.


    "What about you?" I asked, worried.


    He smiled. Then, his cold hands touched my face. "Thank you for asking. But, I''ll be okay."


    After that, we got into the car and immediately left the hospital.


    Daehyun drove the car carefully. His sharp, warm eyes caught the glow in his two black beads, constantly focused on the road.


    He didn''t talk much today and that''s unusual.


    Shortly thereafter, he turned towards the West, and made me shout, "Daehyun! This is the wrong route. Why are you taking the opposite route? Where do you want to take me? Stop!"


    Without stopping the car, he coldly said, "I will be busy this week. So, for a while, you stay at my place. And also, just in case ... ah, drop it."


    In his last sentence, he said it very carefully as if something bad would happen if he didn''t take me where he intended.


    I frowned. "What do you mean?"


    He was silent and continued to focus on driving. By that attitude, I could conclude that he refused to give any response.


    I sighed, languidly turned my back against the back of the seat, and steadfastly complied with his words.


    At least, I could consider this as a reward for his kindness while accompanying me to the hospital.


    As soon as we arrived, a luxurious villa immediately amazed me. I squinted to read the small writing that was written on a square black glass on the wall of this two-story building.


    "Kim jr - DH - Beauty & Serenity."


    I lifted my gaze again, looking at the grand and luxurious building in front of me. European-style, made it look unique and elegant.


    "Chunghee, come on in. It''s so cold out here."


    He walked inside, followed by me behind him while eying the surrounding courtyard and room after being inside.


    I took off the scarf and put it on the sofa and suddenly asked, "Daehyun, how long have I been here?"


    He stopped walking, then turned to face me. "Um, a week, maybe. If I''m not busy, we''ll go back to your place next week. I''ve also prepared some clothes for you." He paused for a moment as if thinking about something, then asked, "Didn''t you bring your medicines before you ran away? I looked for them earlier but couldn''t find them."


    I shook my head weakly. After all, I never intended to run away from my own house, but I was the one who was kicked out for unknown reasons.


    However, I didn''t want to tell Daehyun about that. So, I put forward an excuse that showed it was me, who had run away.


    "I didn''t have time. I was in a hurry, so I didn''t have time to bring anything other than the clothes I was wearing."


    Daehyun was silent for a few seconds before asking once again, "So, do you want me to come to your house to get the medicines or ask Dr. Jeong to collect them for you?"


    I forced a smile. "No. Don''t do it. Donghwa will definitely go berserk if he finds out that a stranger break into his house. You also don''t need to ask Dr. Jeong to do that. I''m afraid he will accuse you with something nonsense."


    "So, what would you do without your medicines if the symptoms suddenly appeared?" He paused, then asked coldly, "Or are you planning to kill yourself this way?"


    I laughed hollowly when I heard that question. "To be honest, I don''t know. I seem to have lost my purpose in life."


    Daehyun was surprised, and immediately hugged me. "Don''t do it, please. I''m here for you. I don''t want to lose you a second time. I beg of you. I ...."


    Sighing, I replied, "Daehyun, can we not talk about this? I just want to think of myself as fine."


    Daehyun slowly let go of his embrace. He looked at me with anxiety in his eyes, but in the end, he complied. "Alright then."


    After that, we fell silent for a moment. I lowered my eyes and was about to walk towards the sofa, but Daehyun suddenly took something out of his pocket and held out an ATM to me.


    "It''s yours. I''ll give it back. There must be a lot of money in it, right?" Daehyun said, jokingly.


    I smiled and grabbed the ATM, staring at it for a moment before putting it in my coat pocket. "It''s not much though. Most of it has been used for my medical treatment and the rest, I intended to save this for surgery, but I change my mind. I better donate it."


    "Okay, save your money. Then let me pay for all of your medical treatment."


    I shook my head slowly.


    Looking at me, he suddenly laughed. "I hope you will consider this. I never thought that the current Chunghee is so stubborn." He sighed, before saying again, "Chunghee, want to see something amazing? Come with me."


    He smiled before climbing the stairs. I couldn''t refuse the invitation, then immediately followed him even though with a sullen face.


    He first put the bag into a room after being upstairs, put it near the door, then went out to a window and opened the curtain.


    When the curtain was opened, we could see a transparent glass window that showed flickering lights in the night, looking very beautiful with the sparkling colors from a distance.


    This place was located in a highland so that this villa provides a beautiful natural view.


    I got closer to the window, and immediately my eyes were amazed to see the expanse of Sokcho Town with its sparkling colors. I had lived in this area for years, but I never expected the city to be so beautiful at night.


    Then, my eyes fixed on several chairs and a table on a small terrace outside. I smiled and was about to come out to sit in that place, but Daehyun immediately stopped me by grabbing my wrist. "It''s so cold outside. Don''t even think about going out and enjoying the atmosphere out there."


    I was sullen and patiently listened to his words.


    Seeing the expression on my face, he embraced my body with soothing warmth. "You should rest. You must be tired, right?"


    I pretended not to hear anything, looked at the city beyond the window, and smiled faintly.


    He sighed. "It''s quite late. If you want to go outside, you can do it tomorrow."


    Smiling, I leaned my head on his arm and said, "It''s okay. I''ll listen to you. Besides, you have a point in what you say."


    I could feel his hand squeezing mine, as if he had something to say, but chose to remain silent.


    It wasn''t bad to be with him. When I saw our reflection in the window, I chuckled inwardly, thinking that we were like a cute couple who just married.


    Currently, I couldn''t understand my feelings for sure. I often thought that I let him stay with me, just because I wanted to repay all his kindness. However, this situation turned the opposite of what I had thought previously.


    Somehow, our togetherness lately, slowly made me feel a sense of comfort. At first, I thought that it wouldn''t have any impact on my feelings. But, because of his cares, seemed to have knocked my heart, where my old feelings for him since seventeen years I had closed tightly gradually crawling out along with this togetherness.


    But, still, it was something ambiguous for me.

 Chapter 88 - Brother Kim, Why Dont You Get Merried?

    In silence, Daehyun suddenly kissed my head. I lifted my chin, staring at him with a frown.


    Kim Daehyun showed a gentle expression on his face. He touched my chin and was about to kiss me again on the lips, but I immediately looked away. "You kiss me a lot lately."


    "I thought you wouldn''t mind either."


    "I let you do it once and it doesn''t mean you can do it however you want," I replied, indifferently.


    "But, why are you just saying it now?"


    "I''m just thinking about it now and I feel like you''ve been kissing me too often. I''m afraid that I''ll hurt you one day."


    "But, you just hurt me by telling me that. What about that?"


    "I know. But, it''s better to hurt you now than later so you can understand, that I''m just a person who can''t give what you want." I smiled meaningfully, then continued, "I once loved someone too deeply and now I know it hurts so much when the person you love doesn''t respect you anymore. I don''t want you to feel that. It really feels like something you never imagined in your life."


    "Heh, really?" He chuckled. "I even know that you still love him till this time. And, as you know, that the more often you think about him, the more you will fall in love with him. Don''t you feel it in your heart? I can even see that in your eyes and it feels not much different from what you were talking about just now. The difference is, you will never feel it in your life. That''s how I feel when I''m with you. But, I don''t want to think about it. Heartache doesn''t mean that I will stop helping you through all of this."


    Hearing his words, I couldn''t help but smile. "Brother Kim, you leave me speechless."


    Daehyun paused for a moment before saying awkwardly, "Oh, I''m sorry."


    I grinned a little. I had wanted to ask him this for a long time ago, so I asked, "Daehyun, why are you apologizing to someone so easily? And, why are you so humble to me?"


    "You think so? Because it is you, not anyone else."


    Hearing those words, I turned my head towards him, lifted my chin slightly, and looked at him questioningly.


    He stared back at me, then continued, "But, you know, I''m exactly the type of man who isn''t easy to apologize. You''re the only one who make me like this."


    "Doesn''t that mean¡ª"


    Kim Daehyun cut me off. He said as if he knew what I was trying to say, "It''s probably because I like you. So, somehow I often feel guilty when you start commenting on whatever I do. So, I feel that I need to back down and apologize."


    I was silent, staring out the window. I never thought that Daehyun was so good at flirting.


    However, it felt strange, the more I talked to him, the more I felt that something was wrong with me.


    I wondered inside, am I starting to reopen my feelings now? Or is this feeling just a temporary comfort?


    When I thought about this, there was a comfort that suddenly filled my empty heart. It was like when I was a kid, when people walked away from me, thought that I was weird, and bullied me, Daehyun suddenly came and wanted to be friends with me. He was like an angel in human form that was sent by God.


    Suddenly I remembered our first meeting at TU Company. At that time, I didn''t recognize him. If it wasn''t him who immediately recognized me, perhaps until this moment, we wouldn''t have gotten as close as we were today.


    However, the thing that was the most unbelievable was his feelings for me. I didn''t think that he harbored feelings for me for many years.


    I smiled, feeling that the world had many unexpected scenarios in it.


    Even though I had no feelings for him, I also never expected that Daehyun would be the one who would stand beside me and be there for me for the rest of my life.


    Previously, I thought that Donghwa would always be with me until I died, and would become my true love.


    However, it seemed that such a relationship was just a dream many years ago, and was slowly being answered by time. We parted ways without a negotiation.


    On the other hand, from the bottom of my own heart, I still dreamed about it. Even though when I remembered the bad things from him would make me disappointed over and over again, I couldn''t lie to myself that I still had feelings for him.


    I glanced at Daehyun beside me, who was currently still focused on the scenery beyond the window, and thought, ''Do I deserve to think about Donghwa when I''m with someone like him?''


    It shouldn''t be appropriate. I had started to open up to him. Thinking of another person when I was with a nice person like him, I wasn''t that different from a jerk who liked to play with other people''s feelings.


    A few moments later, Daehyun''s deep, deep voice suddenly broke the silence, "Chunghee, what are you thinking about?" With a pause, he took a soft breath before continuing, "You know, sometimes I think that I''m pushing your feelings too hard."


    I smiled. "Why do you think so? I never felt that you did that."


    "Your face shows that. Every time I see your face, I think that you''re just pretending to be happy when you are with me." He paused for a moment, then continued to say, "You don''t have to do that. Don''t push yourself just because you think you owe me."


    Hearing Daehyun''s words, I sighed heavily, then lifted my face to see his face that looked sluggish when he spoke. I asked, "Daehyun, do you really love me?"


    He chuckled, but expressing another feeling on his face, without saying anything. I asked him again, "Do you really love me? Please, answer me ..."


    He froze for a moment before answering, "Words can''t measure how deep my feelings. But, if you really want to hear it, then I will answer, yes, I do love you. Do you still doubt my feelings?"


    After answering, I said, "I trust you. I''m happy to be with you for the rest of my life. So, stay with me."


    Our togetherness had changed my previous thinking. Back then, I thought that spending the time alone for the rest of my life was a better decision. But, when I was with him, made me think that being with Daehyun wasn''t bad.


    After finishing my sentence, he immediately touched my face with his two big hands, which seemed to give off an aura of glory within them. He looked at me deeply, then suddenly said coldly, "Liar. I don''t see that in your eyes. I''ve learned many expressions in competing in the business world. You can''t fool me." Daehyun smiled. His voice sounded gentler, "But, after all, I''m still glad because of those words. Thank you."


    He then hugged me, and I could feel a dominant and soothing warmth of his body.


    I smiled. When I was in his embrace, seemed to make me merge with the warmth of his body.


    Previously, I thought the same thing as him, but now, I felt that those words weren''t pretense. I was glad to be with him and this wasn''t making it up.


    Then, a few moments in his arms, he exclaimed as he remembered something, "Ah, the food, the food. I have to go get it before it freezes."


    I frowned in confusion but gave no response.


    In a hurry, he went downstairs to get the food he bought when he was about to pick me up at the hospital, which I didn''t know where he put it on.


    A few minutes later, he yelled from downstairs, "Chunghee! Come down. You have to eat before you rest."


    I immediately walked down the stairs.


    Downstairs, I sat on a chair at the dining table and watched Daehyun, who was waiting for the food in the microwave while chopping vegetables. In a white shirt and black coat vest as a president in a huge company and a kitchen knife in his hand, at first glance, he looked like the figure of a perfect husband.


    He just needed an apron to make his appearance become perfect, both as a hard-working husband and a pleasure to do housework.


    Resting my chin, this thought made me smile silently.


    If the women in his company saw the appearance of their handsome president currently, they would definitely scream and go crazy.


    Like a high dignity was softened by meekness.


    After a while, the food was ready on the dining table, and made me impatient to taste the food that was made by a young master.


    Taking one bite, it didn''t taste bad. At least, he wasn''t a spoiled young master in his family.


    "Brother Kim, why don''t you get married? Your father can''t keep you single for life." While asking, I returned to taste the food in front of me.

 Chapter 89 - He Wanted Sex

    "Married?" He smiled, showing how the question made him feel amused. "You still want to ask me that even though you know that the one I love is right in front of me?"


    "I''m just curious."


    He chuckled. "Okay then, I''ll answer you. My father has offered me lots of women, but I turned him down. I''m not interested in them."


    "So you don''t want to get married?"


    He suddenly choked, holding back from laughing. He patted his chest, cleared his throat, then glanced at me with smiling eyes. "What the ... Chunghee, this is stupid. You ask me that like an innocent kid."


    "I am an innocent kid."


    He sighed. " Okay, alright." He took a sip of water before answering, "I said, I''m not interested in them. It''s not that I don''t want to get married."


    "..."


    Daehyun lifted his gaze. There was sincerity in his eyes. "I would get married if it is you."


    "Are you so eager to marry me even though I haven''t divorced the other one?"


    "Didn''t you two break up? You decided to leave, which means that you''re no longer compatible with him. Haven''t you thought about trying it with another man? What about me? I''m not that bad I think."


    "You think?"


    Smiling, he nodded quickly in response. "Yeah, I think."


    Hearing his words, I couldn''t help but laugh. After three years of living in a toxic relationship, this was the first time I felt happiness. I felt that we were two people who recently dated.


    "You mean, after I tried it with you but if you don''t comfort me, I can throw you away, is that so?" I asked.


    Daehyun laughed. "Are you sure you won''t be crazy about me? Don''t let you be the one who is crazy about me."


    Hearing those words, I shook my head, feeling he had just said a joke. So, I jokingly replied, "We''re living together now. We''re like husband and husband, aren''t we?"


    Eating his food, he replied indifferently, "Heh, this is illegal. I don''t want to be accused of snatching someone''s boyfriend again. But, forget it, you don''t even want me to kiss you every day." He pretended to be sullen.


    Hearing his sentence, I frowned. I seemed to find something odd, so I asked, "Hmm? What do you mean about ''to be accused''? Who?"


    He grinned coldly. His expression turned different from how he had looked excited before. "Nothing. I just talked nonsense. But, about the marriage, I mean it. I want you to be my wife, not my husband. You''re like a cute girl for me though."


    I smiled bitterly. "You know, if your father heard about that, he wouldn''t admit you as his son anymore."


    Daehyun was silent all of a sudden. The look on his face had an expression full of unpredictable meaning.


    I asked curiously, "Are you having a problem?"


    "Why?"


    "Nothing. I''m just guessing."


    Daehyun laughed when he heard what I said. "Don''t you feel that you have cared for me lately?"


    "It''s because there''s no one else with me. I can''t possibly do it to a ghost."


    Daehyun immediately burst out laughing. "You''re right. Too bad."


    I didn''t know what made him laugh at this trifle, yet I didn''t think about it any longer. What I knew, when I was with him, he was indeed a fun guy even though his appearance was like an iceberg that stood firmly, no different from his old self.


    He was very different from Donghwa, who was always serious in responding to anything, who couldn''t distinguish seriousness from jokes.


    I didn''t mean to compare both of them, but it was a fact that heaven and earth agree with it that they had different personalities.


    Our relationship was rigid, joking would only make us argue from time to time. But, even so, there was an intoxicating sweetness in it.


    Strangely, Donghwa made me crazy about him for years and the madness became a sword that kept stuck in my heart, which would never be released even if the pain was truly inhuman.


    After dinner and a shower, I leaned my back against the back of the bed, folding several pages from a book that I thought had an interesting quotes.


    Then, before I laid down, Daehyun, who just came out of the bathroom by wearing a black shirt and gray shorts while drying his wet hair using a towel, caught my attention.


    Daehyun frowned. "What''s up?"


    "You look weird wearing those clothes."


    His appearance looked weird to my eyes. Why not? A man who always looked neat and elegant, like a boss with an aura of nobility, now looked like an ordinary man in the shirt and shorts he was wearing.


    He chuckled for a moment before walking towards me, then took the pillow beside me.


    I frowned and asked, "Where are you going?"


    "I''m going to sleep in the next room. Why?"


    "What are you saying? Why don''t you just sleep in the same bed with me? Are you shy?" I asked, teasing him a little.


    He paused for a moment before replying, "Um, I can''t. The bed is narrow."


    I chuckled, then laid down. "See? The bed is really wide even. I''m thin and you¡ª"


    Before finishing my sentence, Daehyun''s face turned serious. His gaze became sharp and I realized that I shouldn''t tease him too far.


    He walked towards me, still with the same expression. As soon as he was near me, he threw the pillow he was holding, then immediately got on top of me by pressing my hands beside my ears.


    Daehyun looked completely different, but I tried to stay calm. "What are you doing?"


    "This is why I can''t sleep in the same bed with you. Because I want this ¡ª sex."


    I was silent for a moment before saying, "Then, what are you waiting for? If you rape me now, I won''t be able to fight you in my current condition though. You can do whatever you want because I won''t be able to tell anyone about that either."


    "Are you braving me? I can do it if I want to indulge my lust." He laughed hollowly. "You know, I''ve wanted to have sex with you since I met you for the first time, but I know that I might never do it. I could have raped you in my office if I wanted to, but I''m not that kind of person. I''ll never hurt you."


    Finishing his words, he also looked more relaxed. He let go of my hands, then slowly put his head on my chest. He knew that I was weak, so he didn''t fully support his weight on me. He said in a low voice, "I''m sorry for saying this."


    I was still surprised, but I was trying to relax. Patting his back gently, I said, "I can''t do such an activity. I''m so weak. You won''t be satisfied."


    "Heh, but I''m sure you guys did it before you broke up, and you''re in the same condition, right?"


    "Daehyun, listen ..." I tried to explain, "Donghwa doesn''t know my true condition, so he always forces me. Meanwhile, you, you are the only one who knows how I am right now."


    "Heh, that doesn''t comfort me at all."


    Paused for a moment, I replied, "I can''t do it with you. But, if you want it, I can do a blowjob for you. I''m not good at it, but I''ll do my best."


    Daehyun instantly raised his head, looking at me with a smile that didn''t reach his eyes. "Chunghee, don''t look at me like a horny dog. Don''t take it seriously. What about hugging you?"


    "Um, okay. Good idea."


    Daehyun got rid of his body above me, then hugged me tightly while closing his eyes. He said jokingly, "You''re naughty. Doesn''t suit your stature. I didn''t think you''d offer me such a thing."


    I smiled stupidly. "Donghwa taught me to be like that. He taught me to watch porn and practiced it while having sex with him. How stupid, huh?"


    "Heh, you turned out to be wilder than I thought." Paused for a moment, his voice sounded cold as soon as he said, "Chunghee, do you pity me? Don''t pity me, okay?"


    "What do you mean?" I asked, confused.


    "I can see it in your eyes. You are doing this only because you feel sorry for me. I would rather be ignored than to be pitied by all your goodness."


    "I don''t get your point."


    "Never mind. I''m sleepy. I''m going to sleep. Good night."


    I gave no response other than fell silent, thinking about his words.


    After this conversation, Daehyun immediately fell asleep beside me. I stared at him for a moment, seeing how his tired face looked very calm. I caressed his face gently and couldn''t help but smile.


    Daehyun was like Donghwa in the past. He was kind and considerate. That''s why I couldn''t ask Daehyun not to catch up with me at the airport. Now, I didn''t have the heart to throw him out.


    As soon as I wanted to release his hands from my body, the slightly movement suddenly made his move instinctively to hug me tighter, and muttered, saying my name.


    Sadness suddenly appeared in my eyes. Then, I reflexively hugged his body which made me feel as if I was immersed in two strong and justice-filled arms. I buried my face and held back my tears from crying.


    This feeling was the same when I was by Donghwa''s side.


    I never thought that trying to forget the person I loved would make the love inside of me swelled up.

 Chapter 90 - Kim Daehyun Asked Something That Sounded Strange

    The sound of the alarm sounded noisy in the morning. When I opened my eyes, I saw a dim room with the night lamp still on. After gathering all my consciousness, I slowly turned my body, stretching out to turn off the alarm which was on the bedside table by the night lamp.


    However, when I was about to turn it off, I frowned. Daehyun, who I thought was still asleep beside me, not in bed.


    I shifted my gaze to all corners of the bedroom, hoping to find Daehyun but my eyes didn''t see his figure.


    When I was sure that he wasn''t in this room, my face turned gloomy. I thought that he had left early in the morning. But, I immediately changed my mind when my ears faintly caught the sound of gurgling water behind the bathroom door.


    I let out a sigh of relief. It meant that he had not left this morning yet.


    I got out of the bed, then opened the curtains and saw the cloudy sky with a pretty strong wind outside. I muttered softly, "The weather is terrible this morning, will Daehyun be okay when he has to go to Seoul?"


    I lowered my gaze, feeling surprised when these words flew out of my lips as if I was worried about him right now.


    Without knowing it, Daehyun was already out of the bathroom, showing a half-naked masculine figure. His voice startled me, "Is that your morning routine?"


    I turned to look at Daehyun, who was busy tidying up the suit he was going to wear to work. "What do you mean?"


    "I mean, do you like to gaze at the scenery in the morning?" Daehyun explained, smiling without turning his head at me.


    "Oh, yes, I do."


    Paused, he said, "Wait for me downstairs, I''ll make breakfast when I''m done with this."


    "No need. The people in your office will smell the scent of onions in your suit. They will laugh at you."


    Hearing those words, he suddenly chuckled. "It''s okay. What''s important is, that it isn''t you who smell the scent of someone else in my suit."


    I suddenly flinched when I heard those words. Even though he was joking, the joke was very striking.


    "Heh, you''re so good at dodging."


    However, I didn''t want to think about it any longer, and immediately went to the bathroom to wash my face. After that, I went downstairs to make breakfast right away.


    Downstairs, I started looking for the groceries in the refrigerator to make breakfast for us. I didn''t know whether Daehyun would spare the time for breakfast or not, but I just wanted to do a good thing to repay all of his kindness lately.


    I looked through the refrigerator and thought for a moment. There were only some vegetables and three eggs in it. At first, I was hesitant to make breakfast, but made up my mind immediately and started working on everything.


    A few moments later, Daehyun went downstairs. He was well-dressed, wearing a dark suit complete with a tie. He descended the stairs in a hurry that the sound of his pair of leather shoes echoed through the room, producing irregular tones.


    However, when he was downstairs, he frowned as he looked at the food that was already on the dining table, then asked, "You cooked that?"


    As soon as I heard this question, my mood suddenly turned bad, and became sullen. I made this meal with pleasure and love, but he came with such a face and questioned it. I said indifferently, "Yes, who else? If you don''t like it, you don''t have to eat it. I''ve never forced someone to taste my cooking."


    "Ah, no ... that''s not it ... I mean ..." Before he could say his words clearly, he walked towards the door, and when he returned, several large plastic bags were already hanging in his hands. "Here, I ordered all of this. Next time you don''t have to cook anymore but I''ll cook for you."


    He sat across from me, put some plastic bags that he took from outside the door, then took out some foodstuffs from the plastics. There were several packets of bread, some jams with various flavors, cocoa powder, several bottles of milk, plus a variety of vegetables, eggs, and also fresh meat that was in different plastics.


    I glanced at foodstuffs for a second, then indifferently ate the food in front of me.


    He smiled as he opened the package of one of the bread packages, then took a piece of bread in it. Daehyun looked so cheerful this morning, he said excitedly, "I''m going to make a sandwich."


    After he put the vegetables and fried eggs in the bread, he ate it. He froze for a few seconds, then suddenly exclaimed with an amazed expression, "It tastes good!"


    He finished the bread in his hand, then took another piece of bread again. "I think you should try it. It tastes really good."


    I kept silent and ate my food calmly.


    However, at that second, his face turned flat, emitting an unusually cold look. Slowly, he put the half-bitten piece of bread on the plate, then turned his eyes towards me. His cold gaze instantly made me freeze.


    Is he angry just because I ignore him?


    It doesn''t make sense ...


    He said in a low, deep voice, "I wonder ...."


    Hearing two words of him, I frowned in confusion, then asked impatiently, "What do you mean? What is it?"


    He sighed heavily. Still on the same look, he replied, "Why Lee ... I mean, why didn''t you tell Lee about your true condition?"


    I was both surprised and confused after hearing this question. I tried to change the subject, "Why are you suddenly asking this? I thought you don''t like talking about him."


    "I''m just curious."


    "Alright." I explained, "I once told him that I was sick and he even always saw me back and forth to the hospital at that time. He asked about it but never asked any further. So, I decided not to bring it up to him. But, when I decided to do the surgery, I was about to tell him that day, but something happened all of a sudden and I lost my chance."


    I paused for a moment before asking curiously, "Daehyun, what''s wrong? Did something happen?"


    He didn''t respond. He even asked another question that made me even more confused, "Why don''t you just be honest with him? Are you worried about his feelings?"


    "I told you, he never asked any further, so I also feel like there''s no need to bring it up again. Besides, I was waiting for the right time, and when I found the time that I thought was right, our relationship ended like this."


    Daehyun''s sharp eyes locked onto me, then a cold grin flashed on his face. His words sounded provocative, "Really? You''re not lying, right?"


    I lowered my gaze, trying to end the conversation, "I said the truth. And, stop asking me something that I don''t want to talk about."


    He nodded as if he had understood something. "Oh, I see. So, the point is you don''t want him to worry about your condition, right?"


    "Yeah, you''re right," I replied bluntly.


    However, as soon as I saw Daehyun''s expression, I immediately realized that there was something wrong with my words. So, I tried to straighten my sentence, "But, now I don''t care about him anymore."


    I didn''t know if these words were the truth or just my fear to see him down.


    "Okay."


    Daehyun smiled, but it didn''t reach his eyes, and it was obvious. The glint that crossed his eyes showing a pent-up disappointment, which he couldn''t express.


    A few seconds later, he sighed heavily, then tried to break our awkwardness, "Why do you look so serious? Don''t take my words seriously." His face gradually relaxed, he spoke once again, "Don''t think too much of it. I just couldn''t find something interesting to talk about. So, I decided to ask you about it."


    After finishing his sentence, he got up from his seat.


    I asked in a weak voice, "Are you leaving already?"


    He sipped the glass of water and raised his eyebrows in response, then turned to head the door. However, before he took a step, he asked, "Chunghee, will you be okay when you''re alone here?"


    I was silent for a moment before nodding my head.


    "I''ll be late to come home tonight, so should I send someone to come accompany you here?"


    Hearing about this, I shook my head weakly, "No need."


    "Are you sure?"


    I smiled and nodded.


    "Alright then."


    Daehyun walked towards the door, but before he opened it, he stopped as soon as he heard a broken glass from the dining room.


    My hands were trembling. The headache that suddenly felt, made me unable to do anything other than laying my body on the floor.


    "Chunghee!" Daehyun shouted, surprised.


    I could hear him running up to me and hugging me.


    I was still conscious, it''s just that, this headache made me feel out of breath and couldn''t hear Daehyun''s words clearly.


    I was in so much pain. I couldn''t help but cry.

 Chapter 91 - Hallucination

    Enduring the excruciating pain in my head, I suddenly felt my body drifting. I tried to open my eyes difficulty, yet what I could see was only a vague figure. I couldn''t see his expression clearly as if I saw an object in the murky water.


    Afterward, I felt my body was put on something comfortable and I immediately recognized that I was on the bed.


    My body seemed paralyzed but I knew that I was still in a semi-conscious state. However, because of the headache, my mind started thinking about something strange and unclear, like I was dreaming but I knew that I was dreaming. I felt that I was in my house now, being alone to endure this pain as usual, and hoping that Donghwa would worry about me.


    "Brother Lee ... Brother Lee ... come home ... please ... come home ... it hurts so much ..."


    Even though the pain seemed running through my body like an electric shock that made every organ of my body try hard to keep functioning, I couldn''t stop thinking about Donghwa who was currently overworked instead of spending time with me at home.


    At this time, I just wanted him to come home, accompanying me who was half-dying ¡ª I just wanted him to be by my side.


    However, suddenly a warm, strong, and big hand, gripping my hand tightly along with a deep voice that sounded gentle but filled with sadness, "I''m here, I''m not going anywhere. Don''t worry."


    As soon as I heard those words, some of my lost consciousness immediately gathered and made me aware of all the things that I had been going through these days. I remembered that I was no longer with Donghwa but Daehyun.


    Instantly I opened my eyes. With a blurry gaze, I shifted my eyes sideways, looking at the figure of a man who was holding my hand. Guilt suddenly appeared in my heart.


    It was Daehyun. He had heard me mention the name of someone I had left behind and I knew how he felt, just by hearing his voice.


    It turned out that what I just experienced was a hallucination and made someone just hurt. I couldn''t forgive myself.


    I felt so guilty and feeling my tears flow not only brought pain to my body, but also my heart.


    "Sorry ... I''m sorry ...."


    I could do nothing but apologize hoarsely. My tears were choked in my throat and, with trembling lips, I painstakingly tried to say the words as clearly as I could.


    My consciousness gradually began to disappear, then fainted. As soon as I opened my eyes, the blinding light made me squint. I weakly turned my head to the side and saw Daehyun sitting on the other side of the bed with his back facing me.


    My throat felt dry. As soon as I spoke, my voice was heard hoarse, "Daehyun ... why are you still here?"


    Hearing my voice, Daehyun turned his head. Smiling, but his eyes were gloomy. He stood up and moved to the side where I was lying, then sat down next to me. He stroked my hair, saying gently, "I can''t leave you alone like this."


    "Now, I''m fine. You can go."


    He paused, thinking of something before saying persuasively, "Come with me to Seoul. You have to continue your medical treatment. If you get sick again, I can''t do anything. I''m not a doctor who can¡ª"


    "Daehyun, you''re going to be late for work. You should go now. I''ll be fine," I interrupted.


    Daehyun sighed languidly. "Why won''t you listen to me? Just this once, please, listen to me. After you do surgery and chemotherapy, you can do whatever you want."


    I didn''t want to argue, thus I pulled the blanket, wrapping my whole body in it.


    "Chunghee, why are you so mean to me?" He paused, staring at me sorrowfully. As he added, he relented, "Okay then. Call me if you need anything. In the living room, there''s a phone you can use."


    Daehyun opened the blanket that covered my face. He smiled and was about to kiss me, but suddenly stopped before his lips touched my forehead. He looked at me for a moment before standing up. He walked out of the bedroom door and before the door closed, he said, "Take care of yourself, okay?"


    "Wait!"


    I got out of the bed immediately, walking over to him. When I was right in front of him, I embraced him tightly. "Will you be back for dinner?" I asked.


    "No."


    I lifted my chin, looking at him in disappointment. "Why?"


    "I have lots of work to do today. So, get some rest early." He smiled.


    I let go of my embrace, staring at him silently without a word. To be honest, I still felt guilty and thought that I should treat him well from now on.


    I didn''t give any response and just showed a smile, staring at his two eyes that reflected the alexandrite stone luster with an unbelievably noble aura around him, yet inconspicuous and prominent.


    Overall, he looked calm, hinting a kindness.


    "I go first," he said.


    Daehyun stepped downstairs. I headed for the European-style window, standing behind the window, gazing at him until he was getting in the car.


    My mind suddenly became irritated as soon as I realized that I had hurt that man''s feelings too many times, yet he still wanted to be with me. If he was a bad guy when I rejected him, he would go away and not even care about my situation anymore, but he didn''t do it. Even when I kicked him out, he still insisted on accompanying me, sacrificing his time, and taking care of me. His affection wasn''t a joke that should be played with.


    The car drove up and immediately disappeared from my sight. I clutched my chest, feeling the guilt swell up in my chest.


    There''s a saying, that the people who hurt the most were the ones who felt guilty easily. It was true. I even felt how suffering I was, bearing two physical and mental burdens at the same time. When I had to fight against an illness, I also had to endure heartache but besides that, I already hurt someone''s feelings.


    I unconsciously muttered softly, "Daehyun, why don''t you just give up ... how can I repay you?"


    This thought was like a flood coming out of a broken dam. Everything happened all of a sudden and was painful.


    I inhaled and exhaled repeatedly to relax.


    Calming down, I walked out onto the stairs.


    Downstairs, I intended to clean up the leftovers on the dining table, but everything looked clean. Daehyun seemed to clean everything up when I fainted so I decided to go upstairs again and take a shower.


    Before going into the bathroom, I stared at the ring on my finger and couldn''t help but stroke it. I read a short sentence that was engraved meaningfully on it and smiled bitterly.


    Back then, no sentence was more meaningful than this. But, now, the sentence was the most painful for me.


    There was a beautiful thing that had just crossed my mind and was erased by disappointments right away.


    "Donghwa, there is someone who loves me sincerely, but I can''t forget you for a second. You are indeed a person who likes to make me suffer, huh?" I whispered to myself.


    I took off the ring and put it on the bedside table, then went into the bathroom.


    Under the shower, I asked myself: why am I still wearing the ring? Isn''t it useless? Donghwa already took it off, then why didn''t I do the same?


    I lowered my head, imagining our togetherness when we were young, imagining two innocent and stupid young men who made many promises at that time. Then I thought about the time when I had to decide to leave.


    Probably, if he chased me when I was about to leave, I would think about giving him another chance and starting a new relationship once again.


    However, he didn''t even do it and didn''t even say my name at that time.


    He just let me go and ... simply said, that he would never come after me again.


    It was enough to prove that our relationship ended up ...


    I tried hard not to regret anything. But, I couldn''t lie to myself that I regretted hearing something that I didn''t want to hear.


    ''So now you want to go to his side, huh?! Do you think I''m going to chase you?! You take one more step, so don''t ever expect that I will chase you! Don''t expect me to open the door for you when you come back!''


    When those words came to my mind, they seemed to hit my head.


    "You accuse me like that, even though I never meant to do it myself. Now, I''m completely by his side. Do you regret it now?"


    From the depth of my heart, I wanted to see Donghwa''s face one more time before I could no longer open my eyes. However, besides, I was also terrified that it would only repeat the difficult situation between the two of us.

 Chapter 92 - Dont Tell Me That I Lost My Ring!

    A few moments later, I came out of the bathroom. Drying my hair, drops of blood that fell on the floor suddenly made me stunned. I touched my nose and saw my fingers with a lot of blood on the tips.


    I smiled meaninglessly, revealing a depth of sorrow about my worsening condition. I didn''t know whether God would give me one more chance so that I could feel the warmth of spring in the next year or not at all.


    But, why should I live long if I only keep grieving and suffering in my life?


    I sighed heavily. If I got another chance in the next life, I would live a better life than now.


    After a few moments of silence, I looked up so that the bleeding could stop as soon as possible, then immediately went to the bathroom to clean my face in the sink.


    However, it was already a minute, but the flowing blood didn''t stop yet. Instantly there was panic rising in my chest which I tried to suppress.


    A few seconds later, the right side of my stomach felt sore along with my throat which suddenly felt a little itchy. I coughed while gripping my stomach tightly, enduring the pain that was getting worse.


    At first, it was just a normal cough, but moments later, the cough was mixed with a clot of blood.


    I slowly sat on the floor like a helpless and self-defeating person, curling up with the pain and blood that was continuously flowing from my nose.


    Fortunately, about two minutes later I felt better. I slowly tried to stand up carefully, then cleaned my face, and washed the clothes I wore so that Daehyun wouldn''t know how I was when he came back. That would worry him even more.


    It was enough for me to make him worry about my condition and not want to burden him anymore.


    ...


    After lunch a while ago, I sat by the window with a cup of hot chocolate that I occasionally sipped while gazing at the beautiful natural scenery outside.


    All around this place was full of beauty and very comfortable, following the engraved writing about "Beauty & Serenity".


    At night, we would be presented by the views of the city with flickering colorful lights that amazed the eyes. Meanwhile, during the day, we would be spoiled by the expanse of nature with its soothing natural beauty.


    However, I couldn''t enjoy it due to my deteriorating eyesight. I wasn''t a myopia sufferer, it''s just that as long as I had Glioblastoma, my eyesight was getting worse.


    In the solitude, suddenly a series of knocks on the door was heard along with a female voice, "Excuse me, Mr. Park, are you in there?"


    Hearing that voice, I immediately stood up and put my hot chocolate on the table. But, before I reached the door, a young woman was standing in the living room, smiling when she saw me. "Ah, Mr. Kim asked me to give you something, sir."


    She handed me two cards, but something else caught my mind. I asked, "Um, but who are you? And how did you get in?" Even though this woman''s face was so familiar, I asked just to make sure.


    "Ah, Mr. Park, sorry." She immediately bowed before introducing herself, "I''m A Yeong, Assistant of President Kim. He asked me to come here and give you these cards. Also, I''m sorry for just walking in without your permission, sir. I used the card lock to enter this place."


    "What card are they?"


    "Ah, this?" She showed me a black card with the local bank logo. "This is Mr. Kim''s debit card and this one is a card lock."


    "What''s the debit card for?"


    A Yeong chuckled. "Maybe if you feel bored and want to go out to buy something, you can use it, sir."


    "Why did he leave that? Around this place there are only pine forests."


    "I don''t know, sir. President Kim really likes to do odd things that no one else can understand," A Yeong replied, holding back from laughing.


    I took a deep breath. "I''ll take this card lock and return the other card to him. Tell him that I don''t need it."


    Her expression turned worried. She slightly lowered her gaze before saying, "Sir, but Mr. Kim said, if I return both or one of these cards, he won''t give me any bonus this month."


    Hearing these words, I couldn''t help but smile. "He won''t do that."


    "..."


    Seeing A Yeong''s face turned sullen, I sighed softly and took these two cards reluctantly. "Alright, if you''re worried about that."


    She exclaimed, "Thank you, sir! I can''t imagine how Mr. Kim scolded me when I returned these cards to him."


    I smiled. "Come on, sit down. I''ll make a drink for you."


    "Ah, no need, sir. I''m in a hurry. I have to go right away."


    When she was about to step outside, I exclaimed, "Wait!"


    A Yeong stopped walking.


    "You were the manager at the finance department before, weren''t you?"


    Hearing this question, A Yeong was silent for a moment, then suddenly burst out laughing. "Looks like you still remember me, Mr. Park. I thought you forgot me because you asked my identity earlier." She then explained, "Mr. Kim personally appointed me to be his assistant after a few days of your resignation. It surprised me. At first, Mr. Commissioner didn''t approve of it and tried to persuade Mr. President, but the boss''s decision was absolute. But, I didn''t mind either as long as he gives me consecutive monthly bonuses of course."


    I nodded slightly. "Of course I still remember you. I just wanted to confirm that it was really you. But, did you come all the way to see me here just to give the cards?"


    He rolled his eyes and said in a sighing tone, "Yes, sir. This is an order from Mr. Kim and I can''t refuse it."


    "Yeah, I see." I asked, "Then, what about Go Hyunjae, do you know her?"


    She frowned, pondering the name in his head before replying, "She''s in the personnel department, right? If I''m not mistaken during the restructuring of the company, she was appointed as manager of the finance department to replace me, but she declines."


    "Um, but is she okay?"


    A Yeong nodded. "I think so."


    "Oh, I see."


    "Um, then, I have to go right away."


    Without saying a word, she hurriedly left the house. I stared at her until he disappeared through the door. After that, I put the cards that A Yeong just gave me on the table before taking my hot chocolate, sitting by the window while gazing at the scenery outside as before.


    I didn''t think Daehyun would ask A Yeong to go that far, just because those two cards were what I didn''t need.


    He''s too heartless I thought.


    ...


    9:30 p.m.


    In front of the TV, even though my eyes were focused on the screen, my thoughts were focused on something else, which seemed to take my soul for a walk through the dark and beautiful past, leaving my body in this place.


    Sometimes, this thought made me smile, then sulked; happy, then sad; and excited, then suddenly sluggish.


    If someone was looking at me right now, they might think of me as a lunatic!


    Drifting deeper into my own thoughts, made me unable to tell whether this thought was a hallucination or a dream that seemed real.


    A few moments later, I slowly opened my eyes and saw Daehyun who was pulling the blanket on my body. I immediately turned my eyes to the ceiling, staring at a different room before asking in a hoarse voice, "Since when did you come back?"


    He smiled, "Almost an hour ago." With a pause, he continued, "Why did you fall asleep on the sofa?"


    I sighed before answering, "I was waiting for you, but I fell asleep."


    "What''s the matter? Why are you waiting for me so late? Didn''t I tell you that I''ll be home late today, as well as tomorrow?"


    "I don''t know. I just wanted to wait for you."


    Daehyun sighed silently. "Next time, don''t do it again, okay?"


    I was silent.


    "Okay, go sleep."


    "Um ...." I asked, "What time is it?"


    "It''s eleven o''clock ¡ª get some rest ¡ª stop thinking about doing something at night."


    I paused for a moment before saying, "Daehyun, why did you give me your card? I''m not your sugar baby. Take it back. I don''t need it, and never order someone to come here again just for something that isn''t such an important thing."


    He smiled. "I don''t know and I don''t care. It''s yours. I will never take it back. It''s all up to you to use it or throw it away. If you''ve considered it, it''s in the table drawer."


    He immediately laid down beside me and turned his back facing me while pulling the blanket.


    However, when I heard the word "table," I suddenly thought of something and immediately got up, setting my eyes on the table. Not seeing what I was looking for, I shouted, "Huh, my ring!"


    Don''t tell me that I lost my ring!


    Daehyun was surprised because of my voice. He immediately turned towards me and asked worriedly, "Chunghee, what''s wrong?"


    With a tearful face, I said while sweeping a feeble glance at him, "My ring ... did you see it? I put it on the table this morning ... Did you see it?"

 Chapter 93 - Do ... Do You Want To Do It Tonight?

    He paused for a moment, then replied, "No, I didn''t. You might put it in the wrong place."


    I shook my head. "I remember that I put it there." I looked closely at Daehyun, and suddenly a bad thought came to my mind. I asked suspiciously, "Are you hiding it?"


    Of course, Daehyun was surprised at the sudden question. "What the ... how could you ... I''m not hiding it."


    In disbelief, I began to urge him, "Be honest. I won''t be mad."


    Daehyun sighed silently, trying to convince me, "I''m telling the truth. It''s up to you if you want to believe me or not."


    Hearing his words, it seemed that I had misunderstood. Thus, feeling guilty, I apologized, "I''m sorry. Please forgive what I said before."


    He sighed in silence and added, "Get some rest. Tomorrow, I''ll help you to find it."


    After saying this, he turned his back facing me.


    I was about to stand up to find the ring, But I immediately gave up after thinking about Daehyun''s words. I then laid down beside him.


    I slowly shifted my body to get closer to him, putting my arms around his body. I could feel the warmth behind his back.


    Feeling me hugging his body from behind, Daehyun turned back towards me. He asked anxiously, "Are you feeling unwell?"


    I shook my head, burying my face in his arms. "I''m fine. But ...."


    "What is it? Say it ...."


    I lifted my chin, looking at him for a moment before asking, "Will you take me for a walk tomorrow night?"


    He was stunned for a few seconds, then replied with a heavy heart, "Chunghee, what should I do? I have a lot of work to do this week. I can''t promise you, but I''ll try to go home before dinner tomorrow, okay?"


    Hearing that answer, I froze for a moment, staring at him in silence, then said, "Hmm, it doesn''t matter. I should just stay here."


    "Chunghee, I''m really sorry. I¡ª"


    "It''s okay. Go sleep now."


    After that, I closed my eyes. Daehyun shifted his body slightly upwards, and let me be in his chest until I fell asleep.


    All those years, being in Donghwa''s arms, made Daehyun''s scent was something strange for me. I wasn''t used to it but I tried to enjoy it.


    Daehyun had a soft scent that could make anyone feel at home in his arms.


    I was sure that many people wanted to be in my position right now.


    Day after day, everything seemed the same as before. Daehyun was working and coming home late while I was at home waiting for him alone. There''s nothing changed as if I was destined to keep waiting for someone in solitude.


    Until one night on a different day.


    The night sky was cloudy. Only a few stars were decorating the gloomy night without the pale moon glow. I stared at the sky blankly but I didn''t know what I exactly expected from the gloomy sky in the night as if waiting for a falling star to grant the requests I made.


    I smiled faintly.


    I lowered my gaze, musing through the window before I returned to gaze blankly at the expanse of the city out there from a distance while hugging my knees. If I had always enjoyed the scenery out there before, this time was different. The state looked run-off the mill.


    Since I lost my ring two days ago, I had never felt better and been pushing everything these past two days.


    Daehyun and I also searched for the ring at the place where I put it at that time. But, even we had searched all over the place, we still couldn''t find it.


    We didn''t find the ring even with a great effort as if it had never existed in this world. It disappeared without leaving any traces that could make it memorable. Although I could clearly remember that I put it on the bedside table, but it wasn''t there.


    A few moments later, footsteps that sounded light were coming towards me. It was Daehyun, he then immediately sat beside me by putting two glasses of hot chocolate near me.


    Daehyun came home before dinner today. He said that he didn''t have work that required him to stay at the company until late, so he asked A Yeong to take care of the rest so he could accompany me tonight.


    His eyes were sharp, yet radiating a gentle noble aura, fixed on the scene beyond the window. He sipped his hot chocolate and smiled as if something had just caressed his heart. He said, "Chunghee, don''t be so gloomy."


    I was silent without a word. Hearing those words, he seemed to imply to me that I was dreary all day long like a teen who just had a broken heart out of a rusty object.


    He said again, "Chunghee, um, what about we go for a walk tomorrow morning? That night, I didn''t have a chance to accompany you, so what about tomorrow morning? You must also feel bored being here all day, right?"


    I sighed, then turned to look at him. "No need. I thought that there was no need to do such a thing." I paused for a moment, then added, "But, you know, lately I also keep thinking about ... what should I do to repay all your kindness."


    The smile on Daehyun''s face gradually turned gloomy as if it contained a deeper and painful meaning, but he didn''t say anything.


    I didn''t dare to look into Daehyun''s eyes any longer, so I quickly swept my gaze out the window while saying, "Tell me, what should I do? I''ll do anything for you. But, if you want me to love you, give me time to confirm how I feel."


    "You always think of useless thoughts. How many times have I told you that you don''t have to think that you owe me for what I do to you." While saying, his voice sounded flat and cold. He sipped his glass of hot chocolate as if he were restraining himself from acting out of his control.


    Finishing his words, I was about to reply. But, before I said the words that were already on the tip of my tongue, my throat suddenly felt itchy. I coughed continuously.


    Daehyun, who was currently beside me started to panic. He immediately approached me and accidentally nudged the two hot chocolate glasses in the middle of us. However, he ignored it and let his expensive white marble floor get dirty. He asked anxiously, "Chunghee, tell me, which part you feel hurt?"


    I waved weakly as a sign that I was okay.


    However, a few seconds later, Daehyun suddenly became even more panicked when he saw the clot of blood I vomited. Without saying anything else, he immediately carried me, taking me to the bathroom to clean the blood on my face.


    "Daehyun, I''m okay¡ª"


    "You''re not okay! How can you say that you''re okay now?! Do you think I''m stupid?! Blind?! As I thought, taking you out of the hospital is not a good idea. We''re going back to Seoul tomorrow morning," he said irritably.


    He was about to stand up, but as if I already knew what he was going to do, I immediately stopped him by hugging his body from behind. "No! You don''t understand!"


    He paused for a few seconds. His hands were clenched into fists so tightly that they revealed the faint bulge of blue veins on the back of his hand that had begun to tremble. Holding back the emotion inside of him, he said, "Chunghee, should I use the brute force for you so you want to hear me? Should I act like Lee so that you will obey my words? Just say it. I can even do it ¡ª worse than he did."


    I could only be silent, not dare to make a noise, as if the slightest noise would wake up a bear that was in hibernation.


    He took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. As he spoke, there was anger in his tone although he tried to say his words gently, "When you feel better, get some rest."


    After finishing his words, he immediately let go of my hands. He got up and walked out without saying anything and not even looking back at me.


    Without seeing his face, I could feel how intense anger enveloped him.


    Stunned for a moment, I slowly stood up and walked out of the bathroom.


    On the bed, Daehyun laid on his hand, while his other hand played with his cell phone. The light of the cell phone fell on his face, revealing an angry face without a smile in his eyes.


    I sat beside him, clutching the blankets. I was hesitant to start a conversation, but I was a person who always felt guilty in his heart. So, I desperately pushed myself to ask his feelings, "Um, are ... are you angry?"


    Daehyun suddenly froze for a few seconds. He then got up from a lying position, turning his head to the side with a death glare. He was displeased with the question.


    "I''ve never even been this angry before, so what now?" He replied coldly.


    We stared at each other for a moment before I finally asked doubtfully, "Do ... Do you want to do it tonight?" I bit my lip.


    Hearing about this, he suddenly gave a cold grin. He put his cell phone on the table, then asked as if he was sneering, "Is this how you seduce Lee when he''s mad at you?"


    "No." I looked at him deeply and added sternly, "I''ve never even asked him for something like this."


    "So, should I be proud of your bullshit? I''m even more insulted than your blowjob offer before."


    I tried to convince him, "No. This time it''s different. I will¡ª"

 Chapter 94 - Expressing His Heart Feelings

    "Enough! I''m sick of this! You''ve gone too far. First, you accused me of hiding your ring. Now, you pretend to offer such a thing. Next time, what else?" he said cruelly.


    I lowered my gaze, and said guiltily, "I''m sorry about¡ª"


    "I''ll sleep in the next room tonight." Kim Daehyun cut my speech with a grim tone. He grabbed the pillow and hurriedly walked towards the door.


    Because Daehyun ignored my words, I yelled at him before he stepped out, "You said you love me!"


    Instantly he fell silent after hearing the question. He was petrified like a living statue in the gloom, while I was waiting for how he would respond to the question.


    His hands clenched into fists at his sides, then turned his body towards me. His gaze suddenly darkened and cold as he glared at me as if enveloping the entire room. It made him look like a different person!


    Then, because of the increasingly overflowing emotions, he spoke quite loudly, "Yes, I do! But it doesn''t mean that I have to indulge you for something like this. I''m not someone who wants a relationship just to fulfill my lust! I want a relationship like a normal family. Not just sex! I''m not a man who you can offer that kind of thing."


    Paused for a moment, he added, in a tone that sounded gentler than before, "Should we talk about this now? I will never do something like that with someone who wants to do it just because he feels like he owes me. I don''t want to do it with someone who pushes himself, get it? Don''t insult me ??with such a thing, okay?"


    I slightly lowered my gaze so that I could avoid making eye contact with him directly while speaking in a voice that sounded almost inconclusive, "I''m not pushing myself, either."


    He laughed hollowly, then lifted his eyelids, showing a sharp and cold gaze. He gritted his teeth as he said the words, "Heh, okay, let me say it clearly. I don''t want to do it with someone who has no feelings for me. You get me?!"


    "...."


    "Stop saying nonsense like that. It sounds like the words of sluts I''ve met out there. It doesn''t suit you."


    As soon as he finished his words, he suddenly froze. He clenched his fists tightly, then saying in a suppressed voice, "Sorry, I didn''t mean to say that."


    Even though he was heard apologizing, his words sounded insincere.


    I grinned coldly. Hearing the words of humiliation, I didn''t feel offended at all. There was so much pain engraved in my heart that his words meant nothing to me. I replied calmly, "It doesn''t matter. You''re not the first to tell me that."


    After hearing the words, his hands that had been clenched firmly at his side slammed the wall, resulting in a loud thud that made me gasp speechless, feeling frightened.


    "This chitchat makes my mood get worse." He came out of the bedroom by slamming the door quite hard.


    I pondered for a moment before slowly laying down and curling up in silence, feeling anxious in a dreary, empty room. I even still felt the cold aura that Daehyun emitted in this room and thought that he wasn''t that different from Donghwa when they got angry. They were both bad, it''s just that Daehyun was more able to suppress his emotions and control himself better than Donghwa.


    Closing my eyes, my head was thinking about the things he just said a minute ago until I fell asleep out of concern.


    Perhaps, his words were the truth. Pityness would only make me misbehave. I realized that my overly impulsive attitude should make him furious.


    I was too naive as someone who couldn''t confirm his own feelings yet!


    However, in a semi-conscious state, I suddenly felt a gentle touch on my head. I didn''t open my eyes on purpose to feel the big palms with long fingers stroking my head compassionately


    I knew that it''s Daehyun ...


    Moments later, a deep, deep voice sounded like a soft, sad whisper, "Chunghee, I''m sorry. You must be scared to see my reaction earlier. I''m sorry, okay? I promise I won''t do that again." His voice was full of guilt.


    "But, I mean it, you don''t have to push yourself. Even if you don''t have the same feelings as me, don''t make things more complicated for you. You don''t have to love me if you can''t do it. That''s enough if you''re willing to be with me. For me, that''s enough to be called a fortune."


    Daehyun probably thought that I was sleeping right now, so he confided in me all his feelings.


    "But, do you want to know what is in my true heart? I never dare to say this directly to you, but I also can''t keep it for too long." He paused for a moment before continuing, "To be honest, I wish I could see that feeling in your eyes. I want us to live like lovers who love each other. And ... I want you to forget him. Can you do that? Can I replace him in your heart?"


    I tried so hard not to move when I heard those words, holding back all the words that had accumulated on the tip of my tongue.


    He certainly couldn''t replace him. Donghwa was like a permanent engraving that couldn''t be erased in my heart other than destroying the thing.


    He chuckled softly but didn''t express the joy in his heart. "Do you know how I felt when I saw your eyes and there''s only him in them? It really hurts me, you know. To be honest, it was very painful, but I only covered it up all this time because I didn''t want to look jealous. But, it seems I failed. I''m too childish in love affairs indeed, right?"


    "Chunghee, when can you see me? Only me. Not him. When will you say my name in your sleep? You know, I''m always jealous of him. Even though his lover always says that he doesn''t love him anymore, in fact, every time you fall asleep, you always mention his name. I''m too jealous for something like this."


    Keeping my eyes closed, I tried to be strong even though my heart cried hearing such deep words of him.


    Those words were an expression of his heart, which would never be spoken by his lips. I knew that they had been inhabiting his heart for a long time.


    He continued to say, "I wish I could say this directly to you, but just looking into your eyes, make me speechless. I''m a coward, right?"


    After his words, there were drops like cold water that fell on my face. I can feel it clearly and it''s not just once but several times. I was immediately surprised, but I didn''t dare to open my eyes.


    Is he crying?!


    However, he didn''t say anything more after that. He stood up and only heard his footsteps getting further away, then disappeared as the sound of the door closed.


    Instantly the sadness that I had been holding back made tears flow down my face. I cried silently as I didn''t know what I had to do.


    Right at midnight, I suddenly woke up from pain in my right side of the stomach. I turned to the side and saw Daehyun not sleeping here tonight.


    Due to the intense pain, I felt nauseous, so I quickly got out of the bed and ran to the bathroom. I vomited with blood, nothing could be worse than that.


    After that, I slumped to the floor, lowering my head between the knees. My stomach hurt, my liver hurt, none of my limbs felt better. However, the point that hurt the most was in the part of my heart.


    I never thought that leaving someone would be this bad. However, I also stubbornly didn''t want to return to him. This was like a trauma that always occupied my head. I was afraid to be betrayed for the umpteenth time.


    In the silence, I suddenly thought of running away from this place quietly and going to a place where no one could find me. However, after remembering that I owed Daehyun a lot, leaving him would only make me feel even more guilty.


    Now, I felt that Daehyun''s kindness was what trapped me.


    I struggled to stand up, stepping out of the room to find Daehyun while holding my stomach that ached. As soon as I opened the bedroom door near the stairs, I saw Daehyun already sleeping in it.


    I sneaked in, stepping onto the bed, and trying not to make the slightest noise that would make Daehyun wake up.


    Then, I laid beside him quietly. Facing his back, I looked at him first behind before closing my eyes, as if I had mustered intentions to face a decision in the future.


    Before I fell asleep completely, Daehyun seemed to feel my presence behind him, so he turned around, and suddenly gasped when he see me curled up behind him. He was heard like he wanted to say something but in the end, he didn''t say anything and ended up hugging me. I could feel how he hugged me tightly but I was reluctant to open my eyes and forced myself through this dilemma night.

 Chapter 95 - Kim Daehyun: Weariness

    When Chunghee suddenly came to the bedroom and slept beside me, I couldn''t rest all night. And finally, before 5 a.m, I decided to contact someone to pick me up right away.


    It''s unusual but I didn''t mean to leave him quietly either. I just felt that there were times when I needed to be alone. And after feeling the intense anger last night, I thought that I needed to keep a distance from him today so that we could calm ourselves for a moment.


    To be honest, I was afraid to face Chunghee when he woke up. I was even afraid to look at him in the eye. I didn''t know what to say or how to behave. I really didn''t dare to face him head-on and felt so cowardly to just show a smile at him.


    After dressing up neatly and making breakfast for Chunghee, I sat next to him, who was still asleep, while waiting for a driver to come.


    Under the dim light of the night lamp, his face looked so calm, as if he was a sleeping beauty who had just rested from the suffering he had been through all this time.


    I looked at his face deeply. He had long, tapering lashes, and had soft facial features. Seeing his beauty, I unconsciously smiled and thought, that it''s no wonder Lee had been going crazy about him all these years.


    Chunghee had a beautiful face. His speech was also gentle, typical of easterners. I thought that if I was his boyfriend from the start, I might be overprotective just like what Donghwa did.


    However, in my amazement, suddenly the incident of last night flashed through my mind. When I remembered how I yelled at him last night, made guilt and affection suddenly came together in my chest so I couldn''t help but kiss his forehead gently as an apology.


    Soon, the cell phone in my pocket vibrated as a sign that the person I ordered to come to pick me up had arrived. I immediately got up, putting on my coat. I stared at Chunghee first in silence before stepping out into the courtyard below.


    A big man opened the car door, then I immediately got in, and then the car sped away.


    The big man said while driving the car, "Sir, the weather is terrible today. So, we are going by land route to Seoul. It is very dangerous to have a flight."


    I replied indifferently, "Whatever."


    Along the way, I felt unwell. As a result of not having slept all night, now my head felt dizzy and my whole body felt exhausted as if I had pulled concrete up a mountain and made my spine look as if it was going to crush. I leaned my back against the seat, trying to sleep, but I couldn''t. My chaotic mind really didn''t let me do it even if it''s just to close my eyes.


    Glancing at me in the rearview mirror, the man in the driver''s seat asked how I was. But, as I was in a terrible mood right now, I didn''t give any answers, pretending that I didn''t hear anything.


    One hour before arriving in Seoul, I asked the man to drive me to Du-Ho Hospital, intending to collect medicines for Chunghee without even telling him first. So, after entering Seoul city, he immediately drove me there.


    At the hospital, I immediately went up to the floor where Dr. Jeong''s office was without lingering.


    But unfortunately, in front of the office, a nurse who was his assistant said that Dr. Jeong was taking a week off, plus I didn''t know what medicines that Chunghee had been taking all this time, thus I couldn''t ask the nurse to collect them for me. Disappointed, I left the hospital and headed to my apartment.


    When I arrived, I immediately walked inside. However, as I was in the living room, A Yeong was seen cleaning the room with a vacuum cleaner. As soon as she saw me, she exclaimed, "President Kim, you''re here so early!"


    I wasn''t surprised at all. I did ask A Yeong to clean this apartment every day because I rarely lived in it.


    Walking to the sofa, I said to her commandingly, "Bring me some water. Hurry." I then laid down on the sofa to relax my body.


    A Yeong was very obedient today. Usually, she would babble before obeying my orders. But now, as soon as she received the order, she immediately went to the kitchen and came with a glass of water. Putting the glass on the table, she asked anxiously, "Sir, are you all right? You look pale today."


    I lifted my head slightly, taking a sip of water before replying, "I''m just a little dizzy."


    Hearing my complaint, A Yeong immediately sat on the floor, near the sofa where I was lying, and started massaging my head slowly. "Sir, should I call a doctor?"


    The massages made my head a little lighter. Closing my eyes, I replied, "No need. I just need to sleep a little."


    Finished my words, my consciousness slowly started disappearing, and I finally fell asleep without realizing it.


    However, it was only for a moment. About fifteen minutes later, I woke up as I heard some voices. And when I opened my eyes, Oh Yeonjae and a familiar man were sitting on the other sofa while talking. As soon as they both saw me wake up, a graceful man wearing a white coat who was with Oh Yeonjae right now, put his bag on the table. He smiled kindly as he spoke, "Our Young Master is awake. It''s time to check his condition."


    I frowned and asked curiously, "Dr. Liam, why are you here?"


    Neeson Liam, around forty to forty-five years old, was a personal doctor in my family. He was half-American and had served in my family for seven years. I met him once when he came to France with my father two years ago. He always looked friendly, yet sometimes annoying.


    Hearing the question, he immediately stood up and took a stethoscope and a small flashlight from his bag then walked over to me. "I got a call, so I''m right here to see you."


    Oh Yeonjae interrupted, "Ah, sir, A Yeong called me and said that you were not feeling well, so I immediately picked up Dr. Liam to come here to check on your condition."


    I got up from my position slowly. As I knew what he was going to do, I said indifferently, "I''m fine. I''m just not getting enough rest last night."


    Dr. Liam smiled as soon as he was next to me. "I''m paid for by your family. It''s my duty to make sure that the Kim Family is in good health. So, now, take off your coat and let me check on you."


    Hearing those words, I had no choice but to comply with his speech.


    It only took a few minutes. Dr. Liam then said in a firm tone, "Yup. As I thought ¡ª anemia. Lack of sleep and overwork are two things you should cut back on. I''ll just give you vitamins. But, if you''re still stubborn, I won''t hesitate to register you as a patient in my hospital, you get me?" Paused, he added, "And by the way, when I came to check on your father''s condition a few days ago, he said that he was looking for you for a month because you never came back to your house. Do you plan to run away from your house again?"


    "..."


    "If Mr. Kim finds out that his son didn''t look after his condition while he was missing for a month, he could get wrath and lock you up. So, next time, don''t let your body get anemia again or I will tell him about it."


    Oh Yeonjae and A Yeong secretly chuckled when they heard Dr. Liam''s words.


    I languidly rolled the sleeves of my shirt up and said, "I''ll try."


    Those words were certainty just indeterminate words. I just wanted that damn Doctor to get out of here as soon as possible.


    After tidying up his belongings, Oh Yeonjae immediately drove Dr. Liam back to the hospital.


    As soon as they left, I immediately took a sharp glance at A Yeong, who was sitting not far from me. He gasped in surprise, then tried to explain nervously, "Um, sir, I was just worried if you fainted or something, so I called Yeonjae to do something for you."


    Looking at her with a flat expression, I replied in a cold tone that sounded threatening, "I already said that I was fine. Next time, if you call him again just because of a trivial matter like this, I will not hesitate to cut your bonus."


    A Yeong gulped hard before replying, "Of course, sir. I won''t do it again. I''ll give up for today. Your words already sound dangerous enough for me."


    A Yeong was silent for a moment, and suddenly exclaimed as soon as she remembered something, "Um, sir! I almost forgot. President Lee came to the company to look for you several times while you were in Busan. He said that he had something to talk to you about. Should I arrange a meeting time for both of you, sir?"

 Chapter 96 - Kim Daehyun: Being A Good Listener, Then Leaving Without Getting Anything

    I was silent for a while, looking at A Yeong with a frown before asking indifferently, "What does he want to talk to me about?"


    A Yeong explained, "Actually, when I asked about that, Mr. Lee didn''t want to tell me. He only said that it was an important matter that should be discussed privately with you, sir. But, I said that you''re busy, so I asked Mr. Lee to arrange an appointment so that I could confirm your free time, but he refused and wanted to see you that day. He forced me to give him your cell phone number, so¡ª "


    "So, it is you who gave him?!" I gasped and immediately sat up straight. Glaring at A Yeong furiously, I cursed her, "So, that''s why he calls me almost every day these days?! I told you that you should never give my number to anyone that I don''t have business relations with!"


    A Yeong tried to defend herself, "So, what should I do, sir? I have no choice. When Mr. Lee came for the third time, he wanted to follow you to Busan to talk about what he meant. Of course, I can''t let it be. I know that you will scold me too. So, he asked for your number and I had no choice but give it to him."


    "Besides, it doesn''t matter I think. Mr. Lee is related to your father, so I think he just wants to talk about the agency. Because I heard, some people there are starting to withdraw their shares one by one, so maybe Mr. Lee wants to ask you to cooperate at the new agency in your family. Didn''t your father already say that his new agency will do his first cooperation with GIM Agency?"


    I leaned my back against the back of the sofa while massaging the bridge of my nose. "You talk too much but you don''t know anything. No wonder Lee has been terrorizing me lately."


    Sighing heavily, A Yeong said, "It can''t be helped, sir. You never told me in detail. How do I know? So, I''m only talking about the facts that I see."


    I was silent. Inhaled and exhaled slowly in silence, trying to relax.


    "So what should I do, sir? Do I need to arrange a meeting?" A Yeong asked.


    "No. Don''t ever do that. I''ll take care of it by myself," I replied firmly.


    A Yeong sighed heavily. "Well, noted, sir ¡ª oh, by the way, your father called¡ª"


    Before A Yeong could finish her words, my cell phone suddenly vibrated. I immediately got up from my seat, then walked to the window to pick up the phone.


    "Um, sorry for bothering you, sir. I just got a message from Big Master. He wants you to replace him to attend Mr. Nam''s daughter engagement this afternoon and the other agenda tomorrow night because he has other business on these two days," Oh Yeonjae explained on the phone.


    "I can''t. Dr. Liam said I have to rest a lot. You heard him, didn''t you? Besides, I also have to still be in my office this afternoon. If you''re not busy, do it for me."


    Oh Yeonjae was heard apologetic, "I''m sorry, sir. My works are piling up. Some managers are starting to urge me to restore some of the structures you''ve changed recently."


    "I see. Alright then."


    As soon as the phone hung up, I immediately asked A Yeong to attend the engagement. However, because A Yeong was also complaining about her works, I had no choice but to attend it in person.


    Right at noon. In a five-star hotel.


    The guests crowded the hall, which was glowing with golden lights. There were several empty seats, but it didn''t diminish the excitement of the event.


    After the two lovebirds exchanged the rings, I immediately went up to congratulate them and give them a gift.


    Seeing me from a distance, a woman who just got engaged was looking surprised with sparkling eyes. As I was near her, she hugged me like a brother.


    "Brother Kim! I didn''t expect you to come to my engagement! Yesterday, you said that you couldn''t attend and made me very disappointed. But, now, I''m really happy to see you," she said happily.


    I forced a smile. "I changed my mind. Congratulations on your engagement. Finally this my little sister is getting married. It feels like just yesterday you were whining at me, but now you''re an adult."


    Removing her embrace, Nam Ah In chuckled while posing two fingers like her favorite character. "Haha, I thought Brother Kim was tired of hearing me whining, so I decided to get married so I could do it to him every day."


    I smiled.


    Without lingering in this place, I immediately gave my gift to them. I was about to leave the hall but as I walked towards the exit, a voice was heard calling out my name from a distance.


    I turned my head and saw Nam Yongsun at a table sitting alone. He waved at me, asking me to come to him, so with a heavy heart, I turned my steps and walked over to him.


    I shook hands with him, then sat opposite him. "Why are you here? Ah In was at the altar, why don''t you accompany her there?"


    He chuckled. "She already has a man who will look after her in the future. I''ve given my daughter to him completely."


    Hearing the joke, I smiled coldly and mocked him with the words, "I believe that you arranged their matrimony."


    "Ah In is my beloved child. But, our business must also be developed and strengthened, so their matrimony is something important and urgent for our family. Fortunately, Ah In is an obedient child. If only you agreed to marry her, she would also agree to it," he said, chuckling.


    "Heh, nonsense. She''s like my little sister. I can''t possibly want to marry my own sister."


    "Yeah, that''s the problem. But, I am very grateful to have a daughter who is willing to obey me. Unlike my brother who has a son that is always rebellious when he was offered a woman, and often runs away," Yongsun replied, sarcastically.


    I didn''t respond.


    He continued to say, "You know your father really wants you to marry the daughter of the Hwang family. Yesterday, I met him and talked about you. He said that you embarrassed him because of the footage that was showing you chasing someone at the airport. You have to remember that it could be a disaster in your family business. I advise you to accept your matrimony. Apart from strengthening the business in your family, it will also help to cover up your recent rumors." Paused for a moment, he asked suspiciously, "But, anyway, who is that guy you were chasing after at the airport? You look really close to him."


    I replied indifferently, "Whoever he is, it''s none of your business."


    He chuckled. "I thought that you just admitted the rumors about yourself. I don''t really care who you are in a relationship with, but you also have to know yourself about which family you were born from. You can love anyone, but business is business. Matrimony is common in business. Marry that woman for business and after that, you are free to fuck anyone out there on the condition, that don''t let the reporters find out and everything will go well."


    "..."


    "You know, your father won''t be able to defend you as his son much longer. The media crews are constantly pushing him and his business opponents have started moving, and it''s all because of you. If you had siblings, your father might have thrown you out of his house and I''m sure that you won''t inherit a penny. But, sadly, you are only his son and he has great hopes for you. Don''t disappoint him again. You''ve done it too many times."


    Hearing his explanation, I didn''t show any expression. I was expecting that he would bring this matter up, so I wasn''t surprised when I heard that.


    Besides that, approaching him was also just a formality as a family. I just needed to be a good listener, then leave without getting anything.


    Not getting any response, Nam Yongsun sighed in disappointment. "So where have you been lately? Why don''t you ever come back to your house?"


    Hearing the question, I glanced sharply at him. "I''m a grown man. Everywhere I go has nothing to do with other people."


    "Your father is looking for you. You often come to work but never come home. Sounds suspicious, doesn''t it?"


    Sickened by his words, I immediately stood up. "I have to go."


    Finishing my words, I immediately walked to the exit. He didn''t stop me and just kept showing a mysterious smile on his face.


    However, before passing through the door, Nam Yongsun said behind my back, "You should consider what I said. Don''t let yourself regret everything one day."


    I just heard those words like a wind passing by without stopping my steps downstairs.


    In front of the hotel, a car was parked in front of the entrance, then I immediately got into it, and went to the company to sort things out until nightfall.

 Chapter 97 - Kim Daehyun: This Is Bad

    Right at 10 p.m, I left Seoul City. The car sped through the darkness under the heavy snow that was falling.


    In the back seat, I leaned lazily, gazing at every place, traversed by the snow that looked beautiful in its white color. However, I couldn''t enjoy it, the fatigue really made me sleepy after working all day in three different places.


    I sighed silently. My thoughts suddenly shifted to Chunghee''s different attitude since he left the hospital a while ago. He seemed to start opening up to me and accepting my presence. It was good but I didn''t feel glad at all rather that he was only faking everything to me. It was even worse than his hardheadedness.


    I massaged the bridge of my nose, feeling dizzy at all these thoughts. My works and feelings were like rippling water in the middle of a quiet lake.


    Until the deep voice of a man who was sitting in the driver''s seat broke the silence, "Sir, you have not returned to the Main House in a month. Big Master always asks your men about where you are, including me, and we answer accordingly that you ordered."


    Sighing, I spoke indifferently, "I know. Two people have said that today. You suppose to tell the truth. He can''t be fooled."


    "Yes, sir, we told him that you''d spend time in Sokcho for a while." With a pause, he continued, "This afternoon, I met Big Master before he left. He said that you never answered your phone when he called you, so he left a message that you''re required to attend the inauguration of a new product from Glory-In Media Agency at C-Sun Hotel tomorrow night."


    "Yeonjae already told me. But, ...."


    I was about to tell a refusal. The tip of my lips was lifted, but the ringing of the cell phone in my pocket made the words swallow up in my throat.


    Seeing the same number as before on a call, I was about to reject it, but immediately changed my mind and answered the call lazily.


    "What? Can you stop calling me, please? I''m sick of hearing your calls almost every day. I''ll hang up right now."


    "I want to talk to you. When do you have time?" Donghwa asked on the phone.


    "I don''t have time to talk to you."


    "This is important."


    "Who cares."


    He paused for a moment, and then let out a heavy sigh before saying in a weak voice, "Then can I hear Chunghee''s voice just once? I beg you. After that, I''ll hang up. I promise. Please, let me hear his voice for a moment."


    Even though his voice sounded earnest, his words still sounded demanding for me. This was the third time he called me in two hours.


    However, regardless of how he pleaded like that, I gave an indifferent reply, "Don''t expect me to do that for you. I''ll hang up now."


    This wasn''t just a bluff. After finishing my statements, I immediately pressed the red button on the screen and rejected the next calls.


    I didn''t think that he could ask for something so gently. Seeing how his temperament had been, I thought that someone like him wouldn''t be able to speak in a gentle and polite tone. This was beyond my expectations.


    I wanted to laugh at it but there was a feeling of mercy. I thought that if only I had been in his position, maybe I would have done the same. It didn''t rule out, if he was in my position, he might do something ''more'' than what I did to him right now.


    My mind was really messed up. Many things had been pressing on me during this time that couldn''t be mentioned one by one. No one would be able to understand it.


    About four hours later, I arrived in Sokcho.


    In the front yard, I looked up to the second floor before going inside. I saw that the lights were off, and it meant that Chunghee was asleep.


    Limply, I walked in, loosening the tie around my neck, then carefully climbed the stairs.


    I felt so sleepy. My heavy eyes were about to close, but I had to keep forcing them to open. At first glance, my situation wasn''t much different from that of drunks. It''s just that I didn''t stagger. Or, maybe I just got a little drunk because of the chaos inside my own mind.


    Upstairs, my eyes immediately widened open when I saw Chunghee sitting on the sofa. He smiled at me as if he didn''t care if I would get angry when I saw him not asleep in bed.


    He stood up as soon as he saw me. Then with light steps, he walked towards me.


    I looked at him confusedly and couldn''t help but ask, "Chunghee, it''s almost two o''clock, why are you still up?"


    "I just woke up and I couldn''t sleep again, so I decided to wait for you here," he replied. Taking off my coat, he continued, "Brother Kim, it''s been almost a week since Christmas has passed. So, since we haven''t celebrated it yet, this afternoon I went out for a walk and saw someone selling fireworks, so I bought them. I want to celebrate Christmas with you."


    "You went out alone? But, this place is quite far from the park."


    He smiled gently. "The view in this area is quite beautiful, it doesn''t matter to walk for just a few minutes. So, will you have Christmas with me?"


    I frowned. I was about to refuse and send him back to the bed. But, when I saw the hope in his eyes, I courageously nodded in agreement.


    After putting my coat on the chair, he pulled my wrist to the window, then sat there with some fireworks in front of us. He started burning one firework for me and one for him.


    He looked so happy, twirling his firework in the dim light, with a warm smile on his pale face. With simplicity, he was like someone who had just found the joy that had been lost in his heart.


    I admired him secretly.


    A while later, after finishing all the fireworks he had bought, his face turned sullen, then sighed in disappointment. Leaning against my shoulder, he muttered softly, "Why didn''t I buy more fireworks this afternoon ...."


    "You like fireworks? Why didn''t you tell me? I could buy more for you."


    He smiled as he watched the snowfall while saying, "You must be tired, but I even asked you to do such childish things."


    I was about to reply, saying that it didn''t matter at all. However, before I said my words, he had already continued, "Um, I also bought rice cake soup (tteok kkuk) earlier. Do you want to eat the soup? I''ll serve it for you."


    "Rice cake soup?" I asked confusedly.


    "Yeah. I like to eat rice cake soup during New Year." He smiled and added, "I know it''s not New Year yet, but I just wanted to eat it, so I bought it."


    "People think that it brings luck and represents one year of age, and I believe that too." He paused for a moment, then said with a pathetic voice, "But, when I ate it, I vomited it back. That''s a bad omen. I don''t think that I will have any luck next year."


    Hearing those words, I gritted my teeth and tried to comfort him and myself by words, "Hey, look, it''s just a soup. Your fate doesn''t depend on such a thing. That''s nonsense you know." I embrace his body, feeling unwilling if that happened one day.


    In silence, he suddenly said, "Daehyun, I will tell you something. I have never told anyone about this before ¡ª not even Donghwa".


    "What is it?"


    A gentle smile etched on his face. "Actually, I liked you a long time ago."


    The corners of my lips were slightly lifted, revealing a cold grin. Hearing his ridiculous words, made me want to laugh at them like a fool. I affirmed, "Chunghee, don''t let this conversation make us argue again like yesterday."


    "I mean it. Since childhood, I''ve liked you." He explained, "I realized it since I was thirteen. However, since I was seventeen, I decided not to get carried away with my feelings. It was the hardest thing for me. You can imagine, how it suffered me to forget the feelings that I hid that time, but I had to throw it away."


    I glanced at him. With full of consideration, I couldn''t just take his words for granted.


    He lifted his chin, looking at me closely. He slowly touched my face and tried to convince me, "Now, I regret what I did back then. If just I knew that I would meet someone else, I would prefer to stick to my feelings for you." A meaningful smile etched on his pale face. He added, "But, I''m also grateful. Being with you lately, make my old feelings appear gradually."


    "Heh, what are you talking about? Are you trying to seduce me again? Don''t let me change my mind because I can rape you right now if I reach my limit," I said coldly, trying to scare him.


    I couldn''t just believe his speech. It sounded like a lie that was formulated into the truth to make me melt.


    However, as soon as he finished his words, his soft lips suddenly touched mine. I immediately froze and lost the words on my tongue and went blank.


    This is bad.


    I tried hard to avoid physical contact with him but now, he''s really testing my patience.


    At this rate, I could reach my limit.

 Chapter 98 - Kim Daehyun: Im At My Limit

    I tried so hard to hold myself back from not doing anything. However, as time went on, his kisses became deeper and more passionate, leaving me unable to hold back any longer. Without being ordered, my body moved on its own, and in that instant, I was already pressing his body beneath mine.


    I''m at my limit.


    Kissing his lips, my hands began to move wildly on his body, feeling how smooth his skin was when I touched it. All I thought was "I want to become one with him".


    Until he turned his face away to breathe, catching his gasping breath.


    I stared intently at him in the dim light, staring at his slightly swollen lips. His cheeks were flushed and I loved to see them blossom like a plum. All of that drove me crazy and started to feel that I had lost the human side inside of me and became unconcerned about how he was right now.


    Now, I was like a hungry beast who was waiting to eat his meat.


    We didn''t say a word in silence nor did I know what he was thinking about. However, I could feel something turbulent starting to enter my mind. This intimacy made me start thinking about doing vulgar things with him.


    This is really bad.


    My common sense was slowly starting to fade away, leaving behind a madness where I want to screw him right away and hear how he moaned.


    It sounded fun in my fantasy.


    I couldn''t blame myself for this. Partly, it''s because he tempted me continuously these days.


    In fact, from the beginning, I had warned him, but he didn''t want to listen to my words. Now, he was tempting me for the umpteenth time and I didn''t want to miss this chance once again.


    He didn''t understand that beyond my quiet demeanor, there was a desire to rape him.


    Feeling the emptiness on my lips, I was about to kiss his lips. However, before I could do it, he immediately restrained me as he said, "If you want to do it, then don''t do it here. The floor¡ª"


    Without hearing the sentence completely, I could shortly understand what he meant. I immediately carried his body without saying anything and took him to the bedroom as if I was hypnotized by lust.


    On the bed, I laid Chunghee''s body carefully as if he was a precious stone that could break easily.


    Hugging his body, I said in a hushed voice, "After this, the things will be different from now on. Never regret it."


    There was a pause before he replied briefly, "I know."


    On top of him, I kept looking at him, and the deeper I looked at him, the more I lost my sanity. I was about to take off his clothes, but he stopped me again, saying, "Turn off the lights first. I don''t want you to see me."


    Hearing his words, I grinned coldly and whispered in his ear intimately, "Why? Let me see your naked body. You started this, so don''t be half-hearted to make me satisfied." With a pause, I continued in an instructing tone, "If you really want to do it with me, take off your clothes by yourself for me."


    Chunghee suddenly fell silent. He looked at me with teary eyes and said, "Daehyun, you are really mean to me."


    "I told you that I''m not a good person. So, now, do you want to do it or not?"


    Turning his face away, he began to unbutton his pajamas one by one with trembling hands until his entire chest was exposed.


    I immediately felt amazed, couldn''t help but caress his body''s skin, then slowly feeling a strong gardenia scent on his neck.


    My mind started thinking of something crafty where I thought that I was supposed to become the owner of this man from the start, not someone else.


    Exasperatedly, I gave a love bite on his neck, but suddenly he pushed me and said in a sulking tone, "I let you do it, but I didn''t let you leave any marks on my body. Just do it and after that, go sleep."


    Of course, with an empty head that was filled with the dirty thought, the words meant nothing to me.


    Without thinking any longer, my messy brain immediately controlled my body so that I moved wildly over him, tasting the dish I had been waiting for for so long. There was nothing I wanted to miss from every part of his body as if everything was precious and it''s a shame if I didn''t leave any marks there.


    After that, I began to press my hips between his two thighs, until we were fully together.


    However, when I was inside him and starting to move slowly, he suddenly grimaced in pain, "Ah! It hurts ... it hurts ..."


    I immediately stopped moving, looked at him with a chaotic look. Caressing his face, I said pitifully, "Chunghee, don''t tell me that you''re going to ask me to stop when I''m inside you already. I won''t listen to you this time."


    He stuttered back, "But ... it hurts ... it hurts so much ...."


    Paused for a moment, I kissed his forehead and said, "I''ll be gentle."


    As soon as I finished my words, I started moving slowly. But, as I was so excited, I lost control of myself and became very aggressive.


    I could hear how he grimaced in pain beneath me and I realized how he was. I shouldn''t be able to do this, but my body was moving beyond my control.


    Until I was almost reaching the climax. I hugged him tightly, whispering in his ear, "Chunghee, say my name ... say Brother Kim ... say it, I beg you ...."


    However, in the end, he didn''t say anything. He clammed up ??when I asked him to say my name just once. At that moment, I realized that this was just hypocrisy of him.


    I hated Chunghee''s self like this ...


    Instantly there was a feeling of anger, resentment, irritation, and disappointment, which almost exploded in my chest.


    I had intended to do it only once, but my chaotic feelings made me feel that I needed to keep him from seducing me again.


    As soon as I was about to do it, Chunghee hoarsely said, "Enough. I can''t anymore. Stop it ... I beg you ...."


    "No." I affirmed by the words, "I''ll stop when I feel satisfied. Don''t you want this? Now, I do it, and don''t ask me to stop until I want to."


    "Stop it ... I beg of you ...." Chunghee started to cry.


    I felt that I had become someone else at this time. I became careless and cruel. Even though I only heard sobbing instead of moaning like I expected while we were doing it, I seemed to forget the rule of my life where I shouldn''t hurt him.


    But now, we made love not based on love but because of compulsion.


    This was rape.


    I just raped him.


    When I saw his face filled with tears, the human side inside me that had been lost, now returned and immediately made me feel very guilty. I hugged him tightly and continued to apologize.


    When we finished, Chunghee immediately fell asleep. His face looked so exhausted that I couldn''t help but touch his face gently.


    After that, I got out of the bed and smoked by the window, imagining how I had committed an act of decency. I was worried that Chunghee would get mad at me.


    A few moments later, Chunghee was heard muttering. I immediately rubbed the tip of my cigarette against the frame, then approached him on the bed.


    I held his hand, looking at his face in disappointment when I heard him say the same name as previous nights.


    "Brother Lee ... don''t go ...."


    "Don''t ... don''t leave me ...."


    "Brother Lee ...."


    Grasping his hand tightly, I felt that I was pathetic. When I asked him to say my name, he didn''t even want to do it. However, the person he thought that he hated the most, he even said his name subconsciously.


    Loving someone who doesn''t love you is so painful.


    I could feel the pain living in my heart like a parasite that sticked to every cell.


    Maybe Chunghee thought that he was suffering a lot right now, but did he ever think that how much I suffered for him without demanding anything?


    Hearing him mention the same name every night and pretend to be his lover to calm him down, I was sure that it was rare to find someone who wanted to do such a stupid thing.


    I said as if I was talking to myself, "Chunghee, if you still love him, why don''t you come back to him? Don''t torture your own feelings and don''t torture me with these feelings."


    "Heh, but, it''s too late now."


    As soon as I remembered about many things that I had been through just because I wanted to be with him, a crafty thought started creeping up my head. I said, "I told you that after we have sex, everything will change. I have sacrificed a lot of things, even my own family. I won''t let you go that easily you know."


    I kissed his forehead before laying down beside him, hugging his body tightly as if he was completely mine, and no one could take him away from me again.

 Chapter 99 - Kim Daehyun: Getting Nervous

    The next day, as soon as I opened my eyes, the first thing that came up to my head was what I did last night. It was like a nightmare I just had, made me break out in a cold sweat. I thought that I had truly lost my sanity that time.


    I turned sideways slowly and saw Chunghee still falling asleep beside me. It seemed that he was exhausted so he woke up late this morning.


    I got up from a lying position. Sitting in silence, I looked at him guiltily. There was a temporary void so that the slightest movement of him made me gasp.


    As soon as I saw him open his eyes, I immediately asked anxiously, "Chunghee, are you okay? You hurt?"


    Hearing the question, he turned slowly to me, looking at me with his weary half-sleepy-eyes.


    I gulped quietly, worried that he would hate me after what I had done to him last night.


    Chunghee had not said a word yet. Then, as soon as he got up, there were many bite marks exposed on his bony body, revealing how cruel I was to make his body almost covered with terrible dark-red bite marks.


    I felt like I wanted to punch my face right now!


    Worried, I asked once again, "Are you okay?"


    I was about to touch his shoulder to confirm his condition, but he immediately brushed my hand away while answering in a cold tone, "I''m fine. Don''t worry."


    Instantly I could feel that the answer was expressing how annoyed he was with me today.


    I lowered my gaze slightly. I wanted to apologize, but I thought that it was him who started it from the beginning, not me. So, it wasn''t fully my fault so that I was reluctant to apologize, and just gritted my teeth tightly.


    A few seconds later, he got out of the bed, clutching his pelvis. He limped towards the bathroom. I wanted to help him but by the look on his face, he didn''t seem to need my help. I thought that helping him would only make him more furious.


    I froze in this state. Imagining what I had done last night, I could clearly remember how insane and fool I was to say my words.


    I felt like I wanted to die instantly instead of having to talk to him face to face.


    I smiled stupidly and thought that Chunghee was even unwilling to look at me.


    I ruffled my hair and forced my head to stop thinking unnecessarily and remain calm as usual.


    After a few minutes later, he came out of the bathroom wearing his new thin pajamas. He didn''t say a word until he left this room.


    Seeing Chunghee''s cold attitude after we had sex last night, I felt that Chunghee was playing tricks on me. I was angry but I couldn''t scold him except for myself, who had gone too far.


    Taking a deep breath, I got out of the bed and walked towards the bathroom.


    Under the shower, I lifted my face. Wiping my hair up, I felt every stream of water in my skin and let it carry my mingled feelings across my chest.


    As I returned to think of our intimacy last night, there was something I couldn''t deny, that out of the few people I had slept with, Chunghee was the best. I couldn''t lie to myself even though now I was feeling restless.


    I regretted what I had done but there was something that made me want to smile happily, where I could finally feel Chunghee''s entire body.


    "Heh ...." I smiled bitterly. I didn''t think that I was fully awake this morning.


    When I walked out of the bathroom a few minutes later, I suddenly froze when I saw the suit that was already on the bed. I laughed hollowly, suspecting that Chunghee wanted to play at me after what we just went through last night. I muttered softly, "Seriously? Chunghee, what''s the point of this, huh? Are you planning something?"


    I walked over to the bedside, then gazed at the suit that had been lying there for a while before putting it on. After that, I immediately went downstairs.


    At first, I intended to make breakfast, but seemingly Chunghee had prepared everything when I was downstairs.


    At the dining table, Chunghee and I were enjoying a bowl of soup in awkwardness.


    Now and then I glanced at him secretly. Seeing him still being so quiet, I thought that he was tough enough to hide his true feelings.


    However, our silence made me feel like I was sitting across from a foe. I couldn''t help but start the conversation.


    "Chunghee, last night, I ...."


    With just those four words, Chunghee suddenly cut in, "It''s okay." He smiled meaningfully and added as if he knew what I was thinking, "My hip hurt, so I couldn''t talk much earlier. Sorry, okay? Now, I''m feeling better, so it''s okay."


    I froze for a moment before asking nervously, "Aren''t you angry with me?"


    In my whole life, no one had ever made me as worry and nervous as now except Chunghee. This guy had completely broken down my defensive wall. He was the only one who could do that ¡ª no one else.


    He chuckled. Shaking his head, he said, "No. I will never be angry at my own decision."


    I was about to reply, but before I could say a word, my cell phone rang in a gap. I took it out of my pocket, then looked at the caller ID. Seeing that it was Donghwa''s number, I immediately rejected it.


    Chunghee asked, "Why did you decline the call? It must be a call from your office. You better go to work right away."


    I smiled coldly. Hearing those words, something flashed through my mind all of a sudden. I paused for a while before asking in a low tone that seemed cold, "Chunghee, if Lee came to you, do you want to return to him?"


    Hearing my sudden question, he froze all of a sudden, then slowly put his spoon on top of the soup bowl in front of him. He swept his gaze slowly at me with a frown and smiled wearily. "I won''t. Why would I leave and hide if I have to come back to him again?"


    Hearing his answer, a cold grin etched on my face. Perhaps he thought that his answer perfectly convinced me, but it sounded so dubious.


    However, I didn''t want to think about it any longer and immediately shifted the conversation before the atmosphere got stiffer, "Chunghee, don''t you want to go back to your grandma''s house?"


    "I do!" He answered so eagerly and there was a glow of joy in his eyes.


    "Alright. What about this afternoon? I''ll be back to pick you up before attending an event tonight."


    He smiled, then nodded in agreement.


    Seeing him so excited, I could tell that he had wanted to return to that place for a long time but chose not to ask me directly.


    Then, after breakfast, I stood up and gave him a sweet kiss before leaving for work.


    At first, it was just a usual kiss, but it gradually became a passionate kiss and barely made me forget my work for the moment before the ringing of the cell phone in my hand made me awake from this intimacy.


    When I looked at my cell phone screen, my eyes turned dark. It''s Donghwa ¡ª again. Of course, I rejected the call mindlessly. Answering his call would only make me hear the same nonsense of him.


    It''s sickening to hear his calls almost every day.


    "I have to go directly. You should better pack your things before we leave this afternoon," I said to Chunghee, smiling gently.


    He nodded his head excitedly, showing a smile of joy on his face.


    After saying this, I kissed his forehead before leaving and walking towards the car that had been waiting outside for a long time. As soon as I got in, the car immediately sped off to head to the airport for a quick flight.


    It took about thirty minutes to arrive by the air route.


    When I arrived in Seoul, a black sedan was already at the airport, then immediately drove me to the company.


    On the way, my cell phone rang again. I thought that it was Donghwa who was calling me now. But, Seeing the different ID of this incoming call, my thumb immediately shifted to tap the green button on the screen.


    A Yeong yelled on the phone, "President Kim! You have to come to TU company right now! Mr. Lee insisted on seeing you, sir!"


    I winced in surprise before ordering, "Tell him to leave and come another time."


    A Yeong paused for a moment, then replied, "Sir, I told him but Mr. Lee still insisted on wanting to see you right now. He wants to convey something privately to you and that''s important he said. Now, um ... Mr. Lee is waiting in your office. I have no choice but let him in."


    I didn''t show any expression. But, I could feel my heart freeze and solidify as sicken slowly crept into it.


    An important thing? Nonsense. I seldom even had business with him. It was definitely just an excuse to say the same nonsense as previous days.

 Chapter 100 - Kim Daehyun: This Is A Provocation Indeed

    However, my calmness was suddenly disturbed when I realized what A Yeong just said, that she let Lee got into my office. I immediately straightened my back and almost shouted, "Why did you let him in?!"


    With a pause, I emphasized, "How many times I''ve told you that you have to arrange the visits for everyone at the company ¡ª everyone! Do you understand what that ''everyone'' means, huh? I don''t care if it''s important or not. Just ask them to wait in the lobby. But, you just let Lee get in? Seriously?! You know that my relationship with him isn''t that good."


    A Yeong tried to explain, "Sir, I''m sorry. I''ve asked Mr. Lee to wait there, but he still refused and just barged in. The security officers couldn''t even do anything because his men pointed their guns. I''m sorry, sir." Taking a deep breath, she then added, "I can''t do anything about it either. Moreover, Mr. Lee is a leader who was directly appointed by your father in the agency. I will probably get in trouble. Besides, it''s impossible for him wants to listen to what I say. He won''t even listen to you, so what about me? My words will mean nothing to him, sir."


    I snorted irritably.


    I leaned my back against the seatback limply and tried to think about this with a cold head.


    I massaged the bridge of my nose before speaking, "Next time, if you do the same thing again, I''ll fire you."


    "Urgh, sir! Don''t corner me. I told you that I can''t do anything¡ª"


    I shortly hung up the ongoing call without caring about A Yeong''s words.


    I was about to contact Donghwa. But, before my thumb tapped the screen, the big man in the driver''s seat asked in surprise, "Sir, did something happen? Is there a serious problem?"


    "Yeah."


    After answering briefly, I immediately tapped the call button.


    When the call was connected, it didn''t take long for Donghwa to answer.


    "Hey, Kim, where the hell are you? I''m at TU now. I want to talk to you," he said on the phone.


    I paused, and wondered inside, he could say that after making a fuss at someone''s place?


    Heh, he really doesn''t know his place!


    Annoyed, I replied, "What the hell? What else do you want to talk about, Lee? If you want me to let you see Chunghee, for whatever reason, fuck off. Don''t ever expect me to do that. Is that clear?" I added, "Now, get your men out of there right now."


    After my words, he fell silent for a while before answering in a gentle tone that sounded disgusting, "I just want to give Chunghee a Christmas gift and I want you to give this to him. That''s all, then I''ll leave."


    Hearing that request, a cold grin etched onto my face by itself. There was a sense of resentment and anger when I heard what he just said.


    How ridiculous. Either he conveyed this on purpose or he was in a state of unconsciousness; asking for such an impossible thing, which was definitely getting rejected from me.


    I didn''t want them to meet each other, especially if Chunghee had to accept a gift from him. I would never let that happen.


    I laughed coldly, intending to ridicule him while saying, "Heh, I''m sure, that you already know what I want to say when you ask for something like that, right? I don''t need to give any response anyway. You better get rid of your men right now before this problem gets more serious. Remember that you''re just one of my father''s dogs. I could easily destroy you."


    "Are you threatening me? You must know that I''m not that cowardly just because of your bluff. I know I''m only a dog to your father, but I can bite my master with my fangs. Keep that in your mind, beast." With a pause, he continued in a cold tone, "I''ll get rid of them if you promise to give this gift to Chunghee. So, hurry come over here before I destroy your property."


    "You bastard!"


    "Why? I''ve dealt with the police before, so I''m not afraid to get in trouble with anyone again," he replied, threatening.


    I laughed coldly after hearing the words. For a moment, it occurred to me: ''Is this how he plays in the dark business with his buddy?''


    Heh, no wonder they''re buddy. They''re both dirty and cunning in the same field.


    I said to him, "You know, it''s not just a threat. I don''t like threatening someone actually."


    "I don''t care. You want to destroy my career in business and I don''t care." He was heard taking a deep breath before continuing, "The only thing I care about right now is Chunghee. If you won''t let me hear his voice, then I''m begging you to give my gift to him. You don''t have to say that it''s from me. Just give it to him, then it''s enough for me."


    "Huh? Do you think I care about all that you say too? Do you think I''ll be merciful to you? Don''t be so naive, dude," I said.


    Paused for a moment, he suddenly spoke in a low voice that was different from the previous intonation. "Kim, please, I beg you, I didn''t mean to make a fuss with you. But, I¡ª"


    Without hearing the sentence finished, I immediately hung up.


    Seemingly, he also didn''t call me back after a while I cut our conversation.


    That''s good though.


    I was also sick of hearing the same crap of him over and over again.


    I didn''t know what was on his mind to easily say such a thing.


    Is he waiting for the mercy of me?


    As a person who had a human side, I felt empathetic. I knew how he felt, but on the other hand, I also cursed him.


    Isn''t he someone who deserves to feel that way?


    Suffering ...


    Let''s just say, the suffering he was feeling right now was atonement for sins for his own mistakes.


    That''s God''s business. I knew that I had no right to interfere in it. However, as an ordinary human, I had a fit of anger and cursed him no matter what!


    A few minutes later, arriving at TU company, I hurriedly headed to my office without caring about many pairs of eyes that kept following the direction in which I was walking. Their eyes looked astonished and many question marks were painted on their faces.


    When I was inside my office, I could see a man in a neat-dark suit sitting on the sofa while looking down languidly with a parcel on his lap. His face looked gloomy and lackluster, but the toughness within him was still clearly visible in his eyes as soon as he lifted his chin.


    The gaze he showed was far from friendly manner. Even from the brownish glint in his eyes seemed like the flames of hatred. I knew that he hated me so bad and was hostile towards me for snatching Chunghee from him.


    A cold familiarity describing how rigorous his personality was as a grumpy. It suited him well.


    I sat in front of him, acting indifferently while showing him a nonchalant gaze. I said, "I told you that move your ass away from here. Also, if you have no business dealings with me, you should never put your foot in this place or show your fucking face to me."


    After a moment of silence, he looked at me with darkening eyes, revealing how many burdens he was carrying on his shoulders right now.


    He took a deep breath to calm himself, then asked, "How is Chunghee now? Is he okay?"


    However, even though he tried to say the words as gently as possible, it still sounded unfriendly.


    I grinned coldly. Straightening my back, my sharp eyes fell on him, then spoke with provocative words, "Ah, Chunghee, he''s fine though. He just a little tired."


    Instantly his cold face turned with surprise. There was anxiety as he asked, "What happened to him? Is he sick?"


    "No." I leaned back lazily, showing a cold meaningful smile.


    He frowned, then asked once again in surprise, "Then, why did he get tired? What happened?"


    Hearing his question that sounded like the question of an innocent boy, made me smile coldly before asking casually, "Are you sure? Do you really want to hear it?"


    "Say it!"


    "Heh, okay then. He is tired because it seems that I was too excited when we had sex last night," I replied casually.


    He looked stiffened all of a sudden, gritting his teeth tightly while clenching his fists. He was silent for a moment before he laughed hollowly. He said, feeling disbelief, "Heh, no, no, it''s no way. I know you''re lying. I know you just want to provoke me, right?"


    I laughed at his words. He was probably right that I meant to provoke him by the words and make him feel jealous.


    This is a provocation indeed.


    But, he didn''t know that what I just said was serious.


    Grinning coldly, I replied, "Heh, do you think so? What if I said that Chunghee has a mole on his stomach, precisely near his navel, and there is also one near his groin."

 Chapter 101 - Kim Daehyun: What A Weird Feeling!

    As soon as Donghwa heard my words, his face turned very pale like snow, white and cold. There was no bullheadedness and grumpy image of him like before but despairing.


    He stared at me without blinking and didn''t move an inch. His eyes, which had previously exuded an aura of hatred and wrath, now looked blank. There was no expression in them as if he had just lost his soul.


    His trembling lips parted slightly, then he said hoarsely to make sure, "You''re kidding, right? Kim, please, tell me that you''re just playing with me now."


    However, I didn''t waver at all when I heard the plea and heartlessly answered, "I mean it. I don''t care if you take it that way or not."


    Because the answer was beyond his expectations, he immediately stood up, dropping the parcel on the ground.


    I glanced at the parcel for a moment, seeing a light blue cloth in it, before turning my gaze down at him.


    Clenching his fists tightly, the vacancy in his eyes was immediately filled with flames of anger. There was a green gleam in his eyes that could show a wave of wrath as if it was about to explode on his sinciput. He then jumped at me and grabbed my collar tightly, made me feel suffocated.


    He shouted right in front of my face. If this room wasn''t soundproof, then I could be sure that everyone on this floor would hear him scream like thunderbolts that carry a curse of rage from him.


    "You touched him?! You really touched him, you bastard?! How dare you do that, Kim Daehyun! Fuck you! Goddamn it! Go to hell!"


    The bulge of blue veins on his temples grew clearer as his eyes lit up, showing an increasingly intense emotion. I could see how the rage was forming a sharp spear-like flash as if it was ready to stab at anything he saw.


    However, I didn''t feel scared at all. It was a common sight that no longer surprised me.


    Because I didn''t want to be under this person''s pressure for too long, I immediately pushed his body firmly so that he removed his dirty hands from me. Frowning, I smoothed my tie, showing him an indifferent attitude.


    I glared at him. It was as if my face lost its sympathy when I saw Donghwa who was showing resentment on his face. I kept a cold expression on my face and acted as calm as I could to shrink his guts.


    Somehow, seeing him showing me such an expression, seemed to make me satisfied and even more delighted, like a winner in a game!


    The more I saw him showing his anger, the more I wanted to play with him.


    Is this a disorder at defining a pleasure? Or, is it me, who is always pleased to see him suffer?


    What a weird feeling!


    As soon as his grip was removed, he jumped back at me again and was about to land a punch right on my face. My hand swiftly held his fist and my body reflexively moved to the side so that I managed to avoid the quite dangerous blow.


    Feeling loathed, I asked furiously, "What''s wrong with you?! What''s wrong if we did that?!"


    "What''s wrong with me?! How stupid you are! Don''t ask what''s wrong with me! But ask yourself, what''s wrong with you moron?!" he shouted.


    Donghwa grabbed my collar again and pressed me firmly against the back of the sofa. He kept cursing, "You bastard! Goddamn you! Why the fuck did you do that?! Why?!"


    I wrestled with him for a long time. His position that was above me, made it difficult for me when I wanted to escape from his grip. And finally, after putting in a lot of effort, I managed to push him away.


    I immediately stood up and punched him hard on the face in return for what he had just done to me. It made him stagger to the side a little.


    Because of what he did, I had almost reached my limit and got angry. However, I tried to suppress my emotions and stay as calm as possible.


    "I don''t want to use violence, but you forced me, so this is the result," I said in a flat tone.


    Wiping the blood on the corners of his lips, he still glared at me with the same look as he had before ¡ª furiously. He then shouted, "You can''t touch him! Don''t touch my Chunghee! Don''t touch him. He''s the only mine! I let you be with him all this time, but I never allowed you to do more than that. Didn''t I warn you at first? But, why? Why did you touch him once again? How dare you! How dare you do that, you bastard!" While saying, his index finger was shaking towards me.


    I frowned. The words ''once again'' made me think hard. However, after I remembered that I had lied to him that I slept with Chunghee since the beginning he left him, I immediately grinned.


    At that time, I did tell a lie just to make fun of him. But now, the lie became real.


    I brushed his hand away in front of my face and spoke calmly but my words still seemed to knock him down mentally, "Heh, but, I''ve touched him, so what can you do? You want to purify him again, it won''t work. He''s too dirty with you and I just got the rest." I chuckled, then added, "Plus, we''ve lived together for quite a while. It''s impossible for us not to do such an activity. It''s impossible to hold back my lust you know."


    He suddenly fell silent as soon as he heard my words. The corners of his lips curled down slightly with his eyes slowly turning into the dark brown color, revealing a complicated expression on his face where anger and disappointment melted into one in his heart.


    Seemingly, he had reached the point of anger within himself that he could no longer say anything.


    It''s fun and seemed to be getting more and more interesting.


    I said again, "You must know that ''sex'' is a necessity, not just a means of recreation, so it''s natural that we couldn''t hold back." I leaned closer to him, then whispered in a clear voice so he could hear word by word clearly.


    "You know, when I did that with him, I thought that now I know why you went crazy when you lost¡ª"


    "Argh! Goddamn you! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He immediately pushed me away, and interrupted my words with his harsh curses, as if he didn''t want to hear more about this.


    Perhaps, I had gone too far. However, despite the madness I just spoke of, I hoped that Donghwa would give up and let Chunghee go after the pain he was currently feeling.


    Apart from that, I also felt a tremendous amount of guilt for having to bring up something I shouldn''t do. It made me worry about my own words amidst a cold grin to cover the anxiety on my face.


    Donghwa lowered his head while gripping his hair firmly, showing how frustrated he was after hearing my words just now. He then shouted, pouring out all his anger before speaking in a stifled voice, "You forced him ... I know you forced him ...."


    "Don''t force him to do something like that. I beg you." With a pause, he lifted his face, then looked at me with the same expression. "Are you nuts? With his current condition, you still want to do something like that with him? He''s so weak. He''s dying. Don''t make his condition get worse. I beg you."


    Instantly my forehead wrinkled and thought, ''Does he already know Chunghee''s current condition?''


    However, my thoughts immediately shifted to the words as if he had just cornered me, where he said the words ''forcing him''.


    Hearing about this, made me even more furious instantly.


    However, I chose not to express the anger, and still hid my true feelings behind the mask of my face that looked cold and calm as well.


    Do I look like the only one who wants that? Am I seen as someone who imposes such a will?


    The words were already on the tip of my tongue. But, I would choose to swallow those whole words to my throat rather than have to say them outright.


    The feeling of disbelief at the untrue conclusion of him, made me clench my fists tightly. He easily concluded something without knowing the truth, it stabbed my heart at once.


    This was the first time I felt insulted by his words!


    However, I couldn''t blame anyone. Donghwa was someone who had just regretted his deeds and didn''t know the truth, while the situation was just a time that kept turning by repeating the same number as if laughing at me one after another.


    Likewise with Chunghee. He was just a man who was trapped in his own feelings of dilemma and complexity and couldn''t find a way out.


    I knew that Chunghee only tried to please me. He was just trying to run away from Donghwa''s shadows so he thought without using his common sense anymore.


    But, what should I do?


    Scold him?


    Blame him?


    How could I do that?


    If he wanted to run away, then I would help him. But, after that, everything would change. I would never let him return to anyone''s arms again.

 Chapter 102 - Kim Daehyun: Lee Was Revealing Whats In His Heart.

    My heart screeched in annoyance, trying to get me out of this thought. I sighed, and then replied with the same calmness, "Forcing him or not is not important at all. You better leave your feet from this place right now before I call someone to drag you out of here."


    I walked towards the desk, taking the cigarette and lighter that was lying beside the computer, then taking out a cigarette. As soon as I was about to light a cigarette on my finger, Donghwa suddenly brushed my hand away so that the cigarette and lighter were scattered on the floor, making a noise.


    I glanced at him angrily but tried to say my words as gently as I could so as not to spark a fight between us. "What? I think my words are clear enough. Don''t pretend to be deaf."


    He was silent while lowering his head before speaking in a voice that was quieter than before but still sounded deep and desperate.


    "I just want you to give that gift to him, but why are you making this even more difficult for me? You don''t let me see him even though he is still my lover. You don''t even allow me to hear his voice. Do you know how I feel right now? Do you know how it feels to be separated by someone you love, moreover, the person who separated you is nobody. I think I don''t need to say that you''re so shameless in this case because you won''t feel that way no matter what, right? Heh, you know, ever since Chunghee left me, I''ve never felt as lonely as now. I keep hoping that tomorrow doesn''t exist, but unfortunately, I still keep my eyes open every morning."


    Taking a deep breath, I affirmed, "That''s enough. Now, get out of here."


    However, after all, he didn''t want to listen to my words and even said many things that seemed to reveal what was in his heart.


    "You don''t know what I''ve been through with him all this time. The depiction is quite complicated. When you love someone and you fight for him, but one day, when you''ve been in a relationship with him for many years, suddenly a catastrophe makes you have to part ways. One person doesn''t want their relationship to end up and the other wants to leave because he''s hurt, but they still love each other exactly. Do you know how that feels? Of course, you will never know it."


    Donghwa kept talking, "When I was in a relationship with him, my parents estranged me. My father asked me to make a choice, Chunghee or them. And, do you know what happened at that time? I ran from my house, intending to commit suicide. And, do you know what made me survive until now? Chunghee called me at that time, so I decided to go back to my house and tell my parents that this was my choice before leaving them." He smiled weakly, then continued, "Chunghee never knew about this and I don''t want him to know."


    "Then, why are you saying that to me? Are you asking me for mercy? Don''t expect such ridiculous things from me. I don''t care either if you think of me as a heartless person or anything."


    He laughed hollowly, then replied, "To be honest, yes, I am. I want you to understand my situation as a fellow person who loves the same person." There was a pause before he added, "But, even so, we are still different at the beginning. When I went to school until I graduated from college, I worked hard to help my family financially and pay for my own life. When I was falling in love with someone, I also fought for that person by myself. And, when we worked at that time, we struggled together until circumstances made us had to work in different places."


    "As for you, from the start, you''ve been rich and living in luxury. You can even get whatever you want. I bet, you had been never in a situation where you had not tasted a slice of meat in a year before, right? I had and could only gulp at that time. But, if you are born as a clingy kid in a rich family, it doesn''t mean that you can take anything from someone as you please. You can destroy me, but don''t take Chunghee away from me. He''s like half of my soul. If you take him from me, it means that you reduce my lifespan in half."


    "...."


    There was sincerity in his eyes as he said, "This year is the tenth year of our relationship. Don''t make this become the worst year ever for me. I was bad because has cheated on him. But, for God''s sake, since then until now, I still love him so much."


    Hearing those words, I felt as if I wanted to laugh. He didn''t know me well enough and bravely said something about me.


    Perhaps, some of his words were true, but some of them were wrong. He just didn''t know how my life was and how I ended up in a different country for years.


    "Don''t tell me too much nonsense. You''re almost making me a burst of a laugh. If you tell me about the story of your dark life again, I''d rather laugh right in your face than feel sorry for you," I said indifferently.


    Finishing my sentence, I walked over to pick up the cigarette and lighter on the floor, then returned to where I was before. Burning a cigarette, I continued, "Just give up. Chunghee won''t come back to you. Stop chasing him again and have fun with Sunyeon."


    He shook his head weakly, "Heh, you know, I can take Chunghee by force from you if only I don''t think about his feelings," he replied in a weak voice.


    I smiled coldly after hearing those words. However, what he said about ''think about his feeling'' caught my attention more, so I tried to make him believe that what he just said was similar to a joke from someone who just broke up.


    "What did you just say? Thinking about his feeling? Heh, let me tell you. Chunghee had been working in this company for years since my father hasn''t done handover with me¡ª"


    "I know. I know all the journey of his life because we''ve been through it together," Donghwa interrupted my words. "You only know all of that from what you''ve heard, whereas I experienced it firsthand with him. You don''t deserve to say anything about Chunghee''s life journey. No one is worth talking about it except me."


    I chuckled. I stood up straight so I could look straight into his face. Because we had the same height, so no one dominated between us. I smoked the cigarette on my finger, then blew the smoke right in his face.


    Donghwa didn''t even falter and didn''t show any expression but complexity in his eyes.


    I grinned coldly, then continued my words, "Okay, then I''ll talk about what you didn''t witness." With a pause, I continued, "After I led this company, he had been my assistant for a few months so that it has made our relationship closer even as a co-worker. And, do you know what I saw during that time?"


    He was silent, waiting for me to continue my speech.


    I lifted the corner of my lips, then continued, "In his eyes, there was only sadness that he kept hiding behind a smile that ... heh, I think that''s quite stupid. I don''t know, what have you done apart from cheating on him, but by just looking at his eyes, I''m sure that he was really hurt because of that. He''s been carrying a lot of burdens all this time. He''s been hurt because of your behavior. Someone like you deserves this kind of pain."


    With a deep and dark gaze, I gave him a sharp glance. "Do you really know how he felt at that time? If you feel that you really know everything about his feelings, you will definitely never hurt him no matter what. Heh, how funny. You said you loved him. Love? What kind of love? Why did you even play out there with someone else? What kind of romance do you mean is that?"


    "Heh, actually I feel so guilty to him. Do you know why?" I laughed softly. Paused for a moment, I turned around, then walking behind my desk, and sitting back lazily. I continued, "Because my father tried to cover up your affair just to keep your good name and his in the media without knowing that apparently, there is someone who is suffering out there."


    After finishing my words, Lee Donghwa lowered his gaze silently.


    I didn''t know what he wanted to hide right now so he avoided eye contact with me.


    Regret? Is he trying to avoid the truth? Or, maybe he is lamenting his cursed self?


    Soon after, he looked up again, showing how the pain and suffering had deepened in his heart. His voice trembled as he spoke, "Daehyun, what''s your business actually? Now, you know our relationship is in trouble, and you came to him, for what? Do you want to be a hero? You don''t even know anything about him."


    "Heh, you''re right. I don''t know anything. But, I''ve known him long before you know him." I took a deep breath before continuing, "I''ve known him twenty-two years ago. Maybe, it''s nothing compared to your relationship, but during those twenty-two years, I''ve been harboring my feelings for him. So, it''s my business if the person I love looks pathetic like that. I won''t remain silent."

 Chapter 103 - Kim Daehyun: A Light Blue Scarft

    "Twenty-two years? Don''t tell me that you did this just because you thought that I took Chunghee from you?" he asked in such a flat tone that I couldn''t tell if he was mocking or if there was even a more sly meaning to it.


    I was silent while smoking a cigarette occasionally. I never thought that he would ask about that.


    "Don''t you think that your love about twenty-two years ago was only a puppy love?" he asked once again.


    Hearing about this, I was stunned for a moment. I smoked a cigarette before replying, "I thought so before. But, ever since then, I''ve always thought about him. I''ve lived in France for a dozen years and the only thing that makes me want to come back to this country is him. I''ve never loved anyone else. I''m even always thinking about him. What about that? Is that a puppy love?"


    "Heh, then what? You know he''s mine now. What about that?" he asked me back.


    I grinned. "You two are no longer together. So don''t accuse me of snatching him from you."


    "Heh, your words make me feel like bursting of a laugh. But, unfortunately, I can''t. I''ve lost my sense of humor lately. Even though I want to laugh at¡ª"


    "Shut the fuck up and get out of here." I glared at him as if the anger gathered in my eyes and made them burn. I tried desperately to suppress my anger.


    Donghwa lowered his head slightly. Clenching his fists tightly, he muttered, "You can''t love him as long as I''m still alive. No one can do it."


    I took a deep breath, relaxing my back against the back of the chair. I said indifferently, "It''s your own fault for ignoring him all this time. So, now, please leave my office and don''t forget to bring your thing."


    There was a pause before he took a heavy sigh. He lifted his chin, showing a slightly gentler gaze than before. He then said with a pathetic tone, "All this time, I always ask nicely to you. I always beg you where I never did to my opponents before. But, why do you make it difficult to me?"


    Hearing his words, I rolled my eyes, disgusted by his words.


    However, as soon as a sneaky idea popped into my head, I gave a cold grin, then tried to play him one more time, "Then, why don''t you try to persuade me once again? Because such a plea won''t make me change my mind at all."


    "Tell me, what should I do? I''ll do anything," he replied in the same tone as if he was a soulless body.


    I stared at him for a moment while thinking that this guy had completely lost his hope until a thought crossed my head. I flashed a cold smile, then said, "Why don''t you kneel and say your wish? Maybe, that will change my mind and help you."


    Instantly there was a stern refusal on his face upon hearing the order. His facial muscles seemed to tighten. He looked at me furiously while clenching his fists at his sides, but he didn''t say anything.


    I thought that he was going to beat me up but unexpectedly, he slowly knelt in front of me with one leg bent.


    "Please, give the gift to him," Donghwa said, gritting his teeth.


    I kept grinning at the sight of Donghwa who always looked stubborn but now, he had become very dutiful. Dissatisfied, I affirmed, "The other leg. If you really want to kneel, then get down on your knees completely."


    He was very obedient and immediately dropped his bent leg after hearing my words, then made the same plea.


    Seeing him so submissive like that, I couldn''t help but burst out laughing. I thought that this stubborn guy was now very easy to fool.


    "Seriously? You really did that?" I chuckled, then added, "Unfortunately, I changed my mind. I don''t want to do it. I was just playing with you a little. You should have known already, right?"


    His face turned pitiful. He said in a stifled voice, "You said you would help me."


    "I said ''maybe''. I didn''t tell you for sure."


    Hearing that statement, Donghwa immediately fell to the floor limply. He stared blankly ahead, touching his head with a desperate face. He replied, "You like to make fun of people, huh?"


    "Not really. Only you," I replied casually.


    Suddenly his face changed drastically. If he had looked hopeless as if he had lost his soul before, now he seemed to be his previous self, arrogant and violent, displaying an air of hostility.


    He slowly got up. Looking at me with a dead look, he said in suppressed words, "Heh, alright then, I can play this kind of game too."


    I was silent.


    I laughed silently as I heard the words.


    Donghwa was just someone who didn''t know anything about my feelings right now. Being with someone who acted as if he no longer loved his partner, but was always delirious about ''someone whom he thought he hated, but he still loved'', it hurt more than what he just heard.


    Not only that, the thing that more painful was that almost every night when Chunghee hugged me and thought that I was Donghwa. The pain was even etched into my bones.


    Loving someone who only pretends to love you is a pain that cannot be described by words.


    However, if only I had no feelings for him and only considered him as a childhood friend, I would still have done the same. I couldn''t possibly let a friend curl up in pain, heartbreaking, and rotting alone.


    Besides, there was a feeling that I couldn''t accept. I knew that Chunghee was his, whereas I was only Chunghee''s past. However, if only Chunghee was happy with him, I would never be against anyone. I would give up and let Chunghee stay by his side.


    However, the reality was different. Chunghee looked miserable all this time. He even chose to forget the person he still loved rather than stand once again.


    How could I let him suffer?


    He was the one who left Donghwa and I only came to help him even with the hope that I could get one more chance. Could that be called ''snatching''?


    Donghwa spoke as if I was a home wrecker. That sounded ridiculous.


    Meanwhile, Donghwa was still silent, without a word in front of me. He showed a straight face, expressionless and guiltless, apart from still in the same cold aura with restrained anger.


    Thinking that I didn''t need any response from him, I asked him to leave once again. "Lee, leave now. It''s useless you''re here."


    Hearing my words, he glanced at me sharply and I did the same. Even though no one talked to each other, this hostile situation was like the different direction of the wind that was converging in the air causing a storm.


    Because we had strong-tempered, without a word, our eyes met to bring each other down.


    Finally, in our cold silence, he turned to leave this room. However, before he came out, he picked up the parcel, then placed it on the table. he said, "I will not bring this. I hope you still want to change your mind about giving it to Chunghee."


    After his words, he immediately came out by slamming the door quite hard.


    A few seconds after he left, I immediately let out a sigh of relief and couldn''t pretend to be calm anymore. Massaging the bridge of my nose, I felt dizzy with everything that happened this morning. By enduring the emotions that had been stirring up a while ago, made my head feel heavy like a ship about to sink.


    This morning was truly bad. Arguing with him overwhelmed me to stay calm.


    Inhaling and exhaling for a while, I glanced at the parcel that Donghwa had placed on the table before he left. I got up from the chair to take the parcel, then brought it to my desk.


    I gazed at the parcel for a while, massaging my lower lip while wondering what was in it before curiosity made my hands move on their own to open it.


    Expressionless, I stared at the thing that was neatly folded inside, then observed it. That was a light blue scarf without a motif. The shape was so simple, looked nothing special.


    Donghwa was an affluent person. Even though he had destitute, now he was successful and earning a lot of money.


    However, as soon as I saw this cheap scarf, I frowned. I thought that it was impossible for Donghwa to give a gift like this to his partner.


    I concluded that this must be Chunghee who asked for it.


    This blue scarf really depicted the real Chunghee, who had a simple personality and who wanted a simple relationship.


    I smiled, feeling funny. I never thought that a man with a soft temper like Chunghee would have a relationship with a man like Donghwa.


    It was such a contrast in my mind.


    After that, I put the scarf back into the parcel before an incoming message from A Yeong regarding the infrastructure site observation at 10 o''clock made me stand up immediately and leave this place.


    Arguing with that person this morning truly made me sink into the worst mood. I even felt it as long as I was doing all my work today.

 Chapter 104 - Kim Daehyun: The Great Rage Of Kim Myungdae

    Late in the afternoon. After conducting an observation of the infrastructure development, I didn''t want to take the time any longer and quickly got ready to return to Sokcho.


    I glanced at my watch, which was still showing 3:00 in the afternoon, and smiled, feeling impatient to come back. I thought that I would make it in time to return today, so I felt like I wouldn''t make Chunghee disappointed.


    However, a second after I leaned my back against the back seat of the car, Oh Yeonjae, who was my trusted person, hurriedly came knocking on the windshield while showing his cell phone which was on a call with a worried face.


    Frowning, I rolled down the windshield and asked, "What''s wrong?"


    "Ah, sir, this ... Big Master wants to talk to you," Oh Yeonjae replied, handing his cell phone.


    Hearing those words, I immediately straightened my back. I glanced at Yeonjae''s cell phone. Looking at the caller ID that displayed my father''s name, I immediately thought that he was going to curse me for never picking up a call from him.


    With hesitation, I grabbed the cell phone and answered, "It''s me, what''s the matter?"


    "Go home right now! I want to talk to you. I''ll be waiting for you at the Main House." His tone sounded furious as if it represented bad luck when I met him later.


    However, as I thought that I should return to Sokcho right away, I tried to refuse, "But, I have a business that¡ª"


    Unfortunately, before finishing my sentence, he immediately cut in an angry tone, "If you don''t come home right now, you don''t have to come home forever! Go back to France and rot there alone until you die!"


    I immediately clammed up. I could tell that it wasn''t a threat by just hearing how he said his words so emphatically.


    "Do you hear me, beast?!"


    Kim Myungdae was a very strict person and would never deny the curse he gave, like a rock that was hard to break. So, no one would be able to argue with him.


    I took a deep breath and paused for a moment before agreeing grudgingly, "Fine, but I''m not going to linger there."


    After finishing my words, he immediately hung up the phone.


    There''s something wrong with my father today. Usually, he would always ask about my works but this time, it was different. I felt that something worst was going to happen and make me nervous.


    I immediately ordered the driver to drive me home.


    Along the way, I kept frowning in confusion. Even though I knew that this wasn''t a trivial matter, I was still confused. However, when I recalled the boldness of his words, I thought that I had to prepare myself and mentally for the worst thing that could happen.


    I tried to think this through and wonder inside, "is it about my works?" But, considering that I had never neglected everything even once, I doubted that it was the excuse for his fits of anger.


    However, I didn''t want to think about this any longer, then turned on my cell phone and called A Yeong immediately.


    "Ah, sir, what''s the matter?" A Yeong asked on the phone.


    "Go to Sokcho right now and take Chunghee to his place. I have an urgent business, so I can''t come back this afternoon."


    A Yeong complained, "Huh? Sokcho? Right now? Sir, but I still have some works that I haven''t finished and I have to¡ª"


    "Leave your works now and ask anyone to finish them. You can tell him that this is a direct order from me. Now, contact Yeonjae to ask one of my men to take you there. This is not an order from me but a plea. I''m counting on you, okay? Go right now."


    Hearing my words, she sighed softly, "Ah, sir, don''t give me that. I''ll do it even if you don''t say that."


    A smile instantly etched on my face.


    I was about to hang up the phone, but a sudden thought popped into my head. I exclaimed, "Ah, one more thing! Go to TU now, then get into my office. There''s a parcel on my desk and give it to Chunghee when you get there."


    "Hn, well, okay, boss."


    As soon as the phone disconnected, I leaned my back limply. I didn''t expect that I would change my mind and give Chunghee a gift from that bastard.


    I smiled, revealing how my action made me feel silly and stupid.


    I knew clearly that I really hated that person and didn''t deny it at all. But somehow, my good side prompted me to present his gift with sincerity that I didn''t understand.


    Am I starting to feel sorry now for him?


    I felt so much for hating him, but the more I hated him, the more I felt his pain.


    How stupid this is.


    I felt that I was more stupid than an idiot. All my words were like trash.


    As soon as I arrived at my family residence, I immediately went inside. I asked one of the maids where my father was and she said that he was in his office on the third floor. Without lingering, I immediately rushed upstairs.


    Once there, Kim Myungdae was already sitting behind his shiny-black desk, staring at me with sparks burning in his eyes, emitting a sharp glow that could cut through anything.


    Judging by the atmosphere, this room seemed to be emitting an aura of intense anger, which I could even feel in my spinal cord.


    I couldn''t help but try to stay in this place by trying to be as calm as I could.


    Nearly a minute, he had not even said a word yet. He frowned and showed the same gaze, sharply and coldly, like a sword.


    I didn''t dare to start a conversation, so I waited patiently for him to start it. Voicing without being invited would be like deliberately entering the cage of a hungry tiger.


    Until a moment later, his hand hit the table quite hard. A thunderous sound immediately rang out, along with his cold face giving off a red aura like an explosion of rage. He got up from his seat and started walking towards me.


    Even though I was a little surprised, I still maintained my composure not to look nervous. Then, with the innocent face like a child who didn''t know his faults, I stared at his face that was getting angrier and angrier until he was right in front of me, and ....


    Slap!


    The sound of a slap sounded very painful in this room.


    He hit me in the face with one unexpected hard blow, sending me to stagger to the side, and almost to the ground. Fortunately, my legs swiftly hold and balance my body.


    The cold and sharp gaze made his wrinkled face even darker and looked terrifying. He then shouted, "Beast! I told you that you don''t have to deal with Lee!"


    Touching my face that felt throbbing in pain, I frowned in confusion, staring at him in surprise.


    Looking at the expression on my face like a clueless person, he explained in a loud voice full of anger, "You''re meddling in his business and now, he''s threatening to confirm the rumors that he is gay at a press conference at the beginning of next month. Not only that, but he will also confirm that our family helped him to cover up the rumors all this time. You must know the impact on the company if he does that, right?!"


    I sighed heavily, then asked him to reassure, "What do you mean? What business? I don''t get your point."


    "Heh, are you pretending not to know anything? Or, is my son right now acting stupid?" He sneered coldly, then continued, "Lee just met me this noon and he said that you were meddling in his love affairs."


    I flinched in silence all of a sudden, didn''t move an inch. The feeling of shock made me go to great lengths to maintain my composure. It''s not that my father said his words out loud, but I never thought that Donghwa would complain about this to him.


    Being a stubborn person, I tried not to defend myself, "Listen, I don''t understand¡ª"


    At first, I was about to manipulate this situation and trying to find an excuse to be able to dodge the statement. However, I was too naive and stupid to forget that Kim Myungdae had a better experience with manipulation. Thus, he immediately interrupted my words and spoke with increasingly clear anger.


    "Who told you to interrupt me, bastard?" His index finger trembled at the edge of my vision, and said, "Heh, okay then. Forget about it. I don''t really think if Lee wants to say anything at the press conference. I still have a way of escaping."


    "That-"


    "Shut the fuck up!" As if not wanting to hear a word from me, he interrupted, "What I want to make sure is where have you been lately? Sokcho?"


    I took a breath silently. With suppressed fear, I confirmed, "Yeah, right."


    He stared at me with eyes that seemed to have a lot of embers in them. He asked, "Is it true that you live with Lee''s partner right now? Is it because of that person that you have been going back and forth to Sokcho a lot lately and even ignoring my calls all this time, beast?"

 Chapter 105 - Kim Daehyun: I Involved Him Into Troubles

    The words left me speechless. Even though I tried hard to find any excuse in my head, all I got was a lot of questions in there.


    "Heh, that''s not all. The main thing is, do you like him?"


    He lowered his voice tone at the last question. Even so, his words still seemed cold and striking. It was obvious that he was deliberately suppressing his words to make me say an admission. It seemed to slash into my chest and didn''t leave any oxygen in my lungs as if making me suffocate so that it was difficult for me to breathe.


    I knew that he already knew the truth and asked because he only wanted to hear it directly from me.


    At the same time, my head endlessly searched for the right excuses with many heavy considerations, but with a hopeless end.


    Not getting any response, Kim Myungdae shouted impatiently, "That''s true, right?!"


    The more he urged me to admit everything, the more I lost the words on my tongue.


    I fell silent, slightly lowering my gaze. I didn''t want to look into those suspicious eyes, which were staring at me with a burning fire. His eyes didn''t seem to show the slightest mercy that could clearly describe how furious he was.


    However, I was quite stupid. Silent was like admitting everything. So, without preparing myself, a hard blow landed on the same part of my face again, much harder than before, and made me stagger to the side. I then kneeled with my hands touching my ache face.


    "Heh, it''s because I free you now. I spoil you too much, indulge all your wishes, and finally, you do what you want! So, this is how you repay your father?"


    As I heard the words, I seemed to want to burst out laughing.


    Standing up, I thought, ''Since when have you spoiled me? Since long ago, you demanded me to be like you, by asking me to major in business. Even since I was a child, I didn''t have many friends because you always locked me up at home so that I kept studying and studying until I got fed up with books.''


    I wanted so badly to say that directly to him but I knew that saying those phrases would only provoke more anger that made him even more vicious so that in the end, I would be the one to blame. He never saw me as a righteous person in defending himself, as if he was an image of the truth itself and no one could escape from the truth.


    Perhaps, he was right about he freed me now, but even that I had to rebel from all his rules to escape his pressure. But, what about my past? He took my childhood as well as my adolescence. I never enjoyed my days at that time like an ordinary child and that''s because I followed all the rules of his life which were hard and didn''t make sense.


    So, how could he say that he spoiled me?


    How ridiculous is this!


    A few seconds later, he sneered, "Recently you''ve been really testing my patience. Now, I was truly mad at you. I didn''t think that you were [1] the same as Lee. During this time, I was always proud of you, but you destroyed everything. You have absolutely no feelings for embarrassing your own family. You just don''t know how much I am trying to keep your good name in our family so that your uncle also has to step in. You really are out of your mind."


    [Note: the words ''the same as Lee'' mean that Daehyun and Donghwa are both ''gay'']


    I was silent for a moment while showing a stupid smile.


    Hearing about this, I was sure that he was only defending his own good name, and all the effort was for himself, his career, and his well-being ¡ª not for me. I was only an object that was demanded to continue his prosperity but continued to be oppressed like a slave in his own family.


    However, even so, I still respect him as his son. So, as soon as I conveyed my excuse, I tried to be the son who should feel guilty for his mistakes and be humble.


    "Um, yeah, you''re right, we do live together. But, I ... I ...." Before continuing my sentence, there was a feeling of reluctance to say it. I knew that this would be the silliest lie I had ever told. So, with great effort, I continued, "I don''t like him. How could I like him? I''m just trying to be a good friend to him."


    "Heh." The word ''heh'' already revealed everything, but he kept asking as if he was mocking at me, "Really? Is it true?"


    I knew that it was just another way of cornering me. But stupidly, I kept telling ridiculous excuse that was in my head.


    "Yeah, it is. I only offered to help him because he wanted to get away from Lee, so as his friend, I ... feel like I need to help him and¡ª"


    "It''s Park Chunghee, right?!" he shouted.


    After hearing my father say that name sternly and loudly, instantly made my two eyes widened open.


    There were a lot of worries and fears that suddenly entered my mind, making my head become a sea that was being hit by a storm, the waves were rising and I could feel a great tremendous impact on my head.


    I truly felt that the worst thing was just about to begin.


    My body felt shaking. I had never felt this anxious before.


    I clenched my trembling fists while looking at my father who currently turned his back to me, showing his wide back that was emitting an extremely cold aura. Nothing could match him.


    He then continued, "First, the incident at the airport. I was already suspicious at that time. You even hugged him in public without shame. Heh, you really are shameless!"


    "If only you were born among mediocrity people, you could do as you pleased because no one would argue about it. There is nothing huge that you will destroy in your future. But, unfortunately, you''re born into a respectable family. You are my son! People can destroy our family easily. You must be aware of your status!"


    "Don''t you ever worry about your family in the future? You know what I develop now was belongs to your grandfather. If it is you destroying all his efforts with something like this, how do I meet him in the afterlife? What will I tell him?" Paused for a moment, he continued, "Heh, if only your grandfather is still alive, he won''t give you any mercy. If you think that I was harsh, then it''s nothing compared to your grandfather."


    He snorted coldly before continuing to say, "Heh, forget about the past. Now, do you know how much money I spent? Do you know how much shame I endured just to cover up your ridiculous deeds? Even if you worked all your life and then pay me back, it will never be enough, even if you sell your shares in your company that is in France. But worse, now you just made a new problem. And, it''s because of Chunghee, right?!"


    The truth jolted me. I tried to dodge all of it even though in a stammering voice, "No! I ... I ... don''t like him ... I told you I was just helping him ... that''s all."


    I had a hard time finishing those useless sentences due to anxiety. I involved Chunghee in this matter and I was afraid this Kim Myungdae would send me back to France.


    I was afraid that Chunghee would be alone later.


    "Stupid!" He said furiously, "I know how your character is. No wonder you brought him to our house at that time. Also, your eyes when you saw him ¡ª you look crazy about him. What''s so special about him?! He''s a man. He won''t give you a kid and such a relationship will not last long!"


    Hearing those words, a sudden feeling of anger rose in the gap between my anxiety and fear. I could accept it if he said I was a useless or shameless son ¡ª I wouldn''t mind. But, hearing him say something bad to Chunghee, I couldn''t accept it at all.


    Now, I was trying hard not to say the swear words that had piled up on the tip of my tongue.


    "Nonsense!" He turned his body towards me who was standing behind, then walked towards me. As soon as he was right in front of me, he said in a cold tone, "You can''t cover anything from me. By just looking at your eyes, I already know everything what you hide. You should know that I asked you just because I wanted to confirm it directly from you, but you instead said the useless excuse. That''s ridiculous."


    I slightly lowered my gaze again. Without him saying it, I already knew it from the start. I just felt that the defense was necessary even if it would be useless.

 Chapter 106 - Kim Daehyun: Merciful

    "Why don''t you want to look at me? You really like Park Chunghee, don''t you?" He emphasized, "Raise your eyes and tell all your lies in front of me if you really have no shame!"


    My lips sealed tightly without being able to say a word as if they was silenced with fear and remained speechless, without the guts to lift my gaze and look at someone who was pressing me to admit everything.


    "Heh, it''s no wonder you refuse to marry all the women I have offered you. You always make excuses about your works ¡ª bullshit. Turns out you weren''t interested in women from the start! How could a man drive you crazy like this? I need an offspring to carry on all that your grandfather has built. It doesn''t matter if you love that person or not. I also don''t care if she''s a prostitute or a respectable woman. As long as it''s not someone who can''t bear children."


    I couldn''t say anything yet, evasive it would also make me more cornered. So, I chose to be silent like an idiot who seemed to admit everything even though in my heart, I was furious when I heard those words.


    "Embarrassing!" He shook his head and sneered, "You''re acting like a teenager who just fell in love at your age. You''re old enough to act like a teenager in love, and I''m too old to treat you like a teenager again. Are you not thinking about me or at least thinking about yourself? Or, is it you, who are blind and can''t tell the difference between men and women?"


    "It''s useless for you to say that to me. I''ll keep doing what I think is right." I sighed softly, then tried to lift my gaze, looking straight at him as I spoke, "I am blind. Shameless. Stupid. Therefore, let me finish my own business. I also never asked you to help me all this time, didn''t I? You gladly involve yourself. So, don''t blame me for all your efforts."


    I didn''t know what prompted me to say something presumptuous like this, and it wasn''t good at all ¡ª even worse. It''s the first time I was acting this impudent.


    "You?!" His eyes flashed red in an instant, showing a sudden burst of anger. He lifted his index finger right of my sight, pointing as if I was the most disgusting person he had ever raised. "Rebel! How dare you say that to me! Now, you''re starting to fight me, huh?!"


    Paused for a moment, he continued, "Do you already think of yourself as great? Can you run your business without my interference? Well, if that''s what you want, then from now on, never complain about anything to me if one day you''re in trouble!"


    I gritted my teeth after hearing his sentence, realizing that I had made a big mistake.


    Holding back his emotions, he stepped past me, about to get out of this room.


    However, as I didn''t want to be haunted by guilt, I suddenly said apologies from the depth of my heart. After all, even though he was tough on me, he was the only person I deserved to respect.


    "Father, I''m sorry. I admit my mistake. I also apologize for my rebellious attitude. But ..." Before continuing, I turned towards him, stared at his back with both fists clenched tightly, then bowed respectfully. "I ... hope, you will pity me once again and entrust this to me. I promise to take care of everything."


    Without turning back, he coldly replied, "Daehyun, I won''t interfere in your business anymore. From now on, go solve your own problems. But, if you ruin our family''s good name, then you will know the consequences. I will never hesitate to do something that can deter you even though you are my only son." With a pause, he was heard taking a deep breath before continuing, "... And, because you dared to fight me today. There are consequences you have to bear. You have to stay here for a week. If you dare to leave Seoul, I won''t be reluctant to send you back to France even if I have to break your legs."


    I was momentary stunned when I heard that statement. I immediately straightened my body and was about to put up a fight by the words, "I can''t! I ... but I¡ª"


    "Five days!"


    "No, I¡ª"


    "Three days!" he insisted angrily. He turned his head, gave me a sharp glance before saying, "Didn''t you say you wanted me to pity you? I think it''s enough of my compassion for still considering you as my biological son. If you don''t accept it, then don''t expect any chance for you again, you get me?"


    As soon as he finished his words, he immediately came out of this room and disappeared as he descended the stairs.


    A few moments after he left the room, I walked to the sofa, then dropped my body sluggishly while touching my head which felt heavy with many problems that had arisen today. I closed my eyes and kept thinking of a way about how to solve this problem as soon as possible.


    In the midst of my frustration, I suddenly thought of Chunghee and felt so guilty in my heart. I opened my eyes slowly, took out my cell phone, and started dialing the number at the villa, hoping that Chunghee would pick up.


    After calling the number twice, there was no answer. I tried to call him once again, and if there was no answer again, then I would stop.


    Unexpectedly, the call was answered!


    "Hello?"


    It was Chunghee''s voice. As soon as I heard it, I couldn''t help but smile.


    "Chunghee, it''s me. Daehyun," I said.


    "Hn, what''s wrong?"


    Judging by how his voice tone was, Chunghee''s voice was heard lackluster today, so I asked anxiously, "Are you okay?"


    "Hn."


    "Good." I asked again, "Have you eaten?"


    "Hn."


    I took a silent breath. I was actually disappointed when I heard Chunghee answer my question as if he didn''t want to talk to me. However, there''s nothing I could do but smile, knowing how much I wanted Chunghee to greet me warmly as he welcomed his loved ones.


    However, I was nothing to him. Even though we already had sex, I knew that he didn''t have feelings for me yet.


    I felt that talking to him didn''t lighten the burden on my mind, so I was about to end our conversation by saying what I wanted to say to him in the first place.


    "Chunghee, sorry, I can''t come back today and for the next two days. I''m really sorry but it can''t be helped, I got into trouble all of a sudden. But, don''t worry, I''ve asked A Yeong to come over there and take you to your Grandma''s house. She will arrive soon."


    There was a long pause before he asked, "Are you all right?"


    Hearing that question, I suddenly felt happy. Even though he asked in a flat tone, still, his question was like a word of encouragement to me.


    I smiled and replied, "Yeah, I''m fine. Thanks for asking."


    "Um ...." Chunghee said, "If you don''t come for the next few days. I''ll be waiting for you. You don''t have to tell anyone to come here."


    "But, I''ve already asked A Yeong."


    He paused for a moment before replying, "No. I don''t want to go without you. I''ll be waiting for you."


    I chuckled. "It''s okay. A Yeong is already on his way there. Don''t let her down. Just wait for me at your grandma''s house, okay?"


    Paused, then he was heard sighing heavily, then agreed, "Hmm, all right then."


    "Okay. Then, I''ll hang up now."


    After hanging up the phone, I immediately got up from my position, sitting on the sofa while sluggishly lowering my head, clutching my cell phone tightly.


    I took a deep breath slowly to calm my anger and thought that I needed to go to see Donghwa teach him a lesson on what he had told my father this noon.


    I regretted my action that had been merciful to him and it would be the last time.


    *


    9:00 p.m.


    Hotel Arc C-Sun.


    After giving a little speech in front of the guests who attended this event, I immediately sat on a chair in the front position with other well-known company leaders.


    However, in the middle of our conversation, my eyes swept in all directions, eyeing everyone in this place, looking for someone who was causing trouble to me today ¡ª Lee Donghwa ¡ª but I didn''t find him. Though I wanted to ask for an explanation for what he did that got me into trouble today.


    My hands felt itchy, couldn''t wait to teach him a lesson when my head thought about it!


    I whispered to Yoon Hoonsik, his confidant, who was sitting beside me right now, "Where''s Lee? Why isn''t he here now?"


    Hoonsik frowned, looked astonished because this might be the first time he heard me ask where Donghwa was.

 Chapter 107 - Kim Daehyun: A Warning!

    Silent for a while, Yoon Hoonsik replied, "Um, Mr. Lee said that he wasn''t feeling well today and wanted to rest. So, he asked me to represent his attendance at this event."


    Hearing about this, I said indifferently, "Can''t he push himself for even a moment? He must know that this event is important for the agency."


    I didn''t worry about anything whether he was present or not at the event and asked just to know where Donghwa was right now.


    "Um, I think so, sir. Mr. Lee looks really pale lately. He''s also been complaining about shortness of breath, so I asked him to rest tonight."


    "So where is he now?" I asked one more time.


    "In his apartment, sir. Would you like to convey a message? Later I will pass it directly to Mr. Lee after attending this event, sir."


    "No need. I''ll meet him in person."


    "Um, but¡ª"


    After saying that, I immediately got up from my seat, without caring what Hoonsik was trying to say.


    Without lingering, I immediately left the event which was still in progress, without caring for the people who were staring in surprise at me while walking in a hurry.


    Downstairs, I immediately told the driver to get out of the car, then drove the car by myself to head the address of Donghwa''s apartment, and arrived a few minutes later.


    After parking the car, I hurriedly went upstairs. In front of his door, I immediately pressed the doorbell continuously. I felt impatient and didn''t want to wait too long.


    Until finally the voice from the intercom was heard, "Why did you come? Leave now."


    "Open the door now, you bastard!" I said furiously. "If you don''t open it, I''m breaking down the door!"


    Donghwa didn''t care about my words. As soon as I finished talking, he also turned off the intercom.


    Gritting my teeth tightly, I removed my tie clip to start breaking into the door. This silver tie clip had a thin metal hanger about ten centimeters in length, so I used it as a key substitute.


    It worked. Since I had often run away by using this method to open my room door when I was a child, so this was easy for me.


    When the door opened, Donghwa looked lazily at me. His eyes were slightly red from drinking too much alcohol. And as soon as he saw me walk in, he said angrily, "How dare you to break into my door! I can report you to the police station for destroying my property."


    I paused for a moment, eying his messy appearance with a frown before closing the door. I didn''t want our conversation to be overheard by other people.


    "Get the hell out of here! When I went to your company, you kicked me out, and now you here, what the hell? I thought that you never had any business with me." He downed a glass of alcohol, then got up from his position, and walked towards me. As soon as he stood right in front of me, he continued in a mocking tone, "Heh, but I don''t care if it''s something important though."


    Hearing the words, I was no longer able to hold back the anger that had been pent up for a long time. I immediately grabbed his collar tightly, then pushed his body backward against the wall. I shouted angrily, "How dare you to tell my father!"


    Donghwa burst out laughing. "Why? Are you having a hard time now? How does it feel to have trouble when you are fighting for something?"


    Without pity, I immediately punched his face so hard that it caused a wound on the corner of his lips. "If you want to compete, don''t involve my father, you bastard!"


    "Huh?" He chuckled. "Competing? Chunghee is still mine, then why should I compete with you? It doesn''t make sense."


    However, I didn''t want to listen to what he had to say and immediately beat him in the face so brutally, that he slumped to the floor.


    I was really angry because I had pity on him before and gave a gift from him to Chunghee. However, what do I gain from this? Instead, he complained about this to my father. I couldn''t tolerate him.


    I used to be calm no matter how much trouble I was, but this time was completely different. The anger that I buried for a long time seemed to explode as if I wanted to take it out on him.


    I was about to smack his face that looked innocent, but my fist suddenly stopped right at the edge of his sight. Gritting my teeth, I removed my grip on his collar, and said, "If you dare to speak at the press conference later about my father''s involvement, I could be even more serious than this. This isn''t just a threat. I won''t hesitate to destroy you."


    Wiping the blood on his lips, he grinned coldly, "Heh, what if Chunghee finds out about your true nature? I''m sure that he will never want to let you be with him again."


    I snorted in annoyance. "You don''t know how to be thankful, huh? After what my father did to you to escape from lawsuits, is this how you can thank my family? He has helped you to cover up your love scandal with Sunyeon and some of your disgrace, but it turns out that you cunningly made all that kindness as a boomerang to bring down my family name. So shameless!"


    As soon as he heard those words, his face suddenly turned dark. He stood up and replied, "What the fuck did you say? Disgrace? Scandal?" He grinned coldly before shouting angrily, "Aren''t you the same as me?! And worse, you don''t look for someone else to fulfill your lust and instead snatch someone else''s lover and rape him. Don''t tell me that you don''t realize that? Don''t think of yourself as a holy man by insulting me like that!"


    Hearing about this, I couldn''t help but grip his neck. I pushed him against the wall again, and shouted, "I told you that he was the one who purposely run away from you, right?! Don''t just talk casually and conclude stupid things like that!"


    He chuckled a little, then pushed my body back, "Isn''t this what you want, huh? You always make it difficult for me, and I want you to feel the same way I feel right now. Besides, your father needs me. Back then, I never asked for anything like that from your family! So, don''t ever tell me that I''m an ungrateful person!" He snorted in annoyance, then continued, "Heh, but no problem. I can talk to Mr. Kim back if you want to give me a chance to meet Chunghee. What about it?"


    I was silent while clenching my fists, staring at him with anger in my eyes. Feeling that I didn''t need to say anything else, I emphasized, "I warn you this time and never think that this is just nonsense from me."


    Then, without saying a word, I immediately left this place with a state of rage that was getting worse.


    Staying here any longer would only make me want to keep beating him up continuously.


    He said that he wanted to talk to my father back? Heh, it''s not as easy as how he put it.


    Even more, my father already knew everything. Trying to convince him was an impossible thing to do.


    While I was in the elevator, I immediately called A Yeong.


    "Sir¡ª"


    "Have you taken Chunghee to the house?" I said before A Yeong spoke.


    She paused for a moment before answering hesitantly, "Um, boss, actually, we''re still at your villa. Mr. Park has a fever, so¡ª"


    "Huh?!" Shocked, I almost shouted, "Is he all right now? I want to talk to him."


    "Um, sir, for his condition, his fever hasn''t gone down. Mr. Park is also sleeping now. Earlier, I wanted to take him to the hospital, but he refused." He sighed languidly, then continued, "Besides, sir, when are you coming back? I couldn''t possibly be here as¡ª"


    "A Yeong!" I explained, "Look, I won''t be back for three days. So, I want you to take care of him while I''m not there. For your needs, you can use my card. I put it in the desk drawer. You don''t have to think about your works either. I''ll order Yeonjae to do it."


    "Hmm, agree!"


    When the elevator doors opened, Bae Yunhee was right up in front of the elevator. As soon as he got in the elevator, I walked passing him indifferently and continued talking to A Yeong on the phone.


    However, Yunhee suddenly exclaimed behind me, "Wait!"


    Without turning around, I immediately stopped, then hung up the ongoing call when I heard Yunhee make a voice.


    "You''ve seen Lee''s condition, haven''t you? He''s been like that since Park left him. I hope you show him a little pity."


    After he finished his sentence, without caring, I immediately continued walking towards the car without giving any response.


    I didn''t need someone to tell me about pity and I didn''t need other people''s opinions about what I had decided!


    Besides, I had shown my compassion by giving his gift to Chunghee.


    It could already be considered compassion for a bastard like him.


    ***

 Chapter 108 - Lee Donghwa: I Wont Die Before I See Him

    "Chunghee!"


    I gasped from sleep with my eyes widened open. Staring at the ceiling that looked both strange and different, breathless and with a pounding heart.


    Cold sweat poured down my temples, made my whole body feel cold with fear. The nightmare I just had was really making me more anxious than before.


    I gulped difficulty before sweeping my gaze to all directions, eyeing the entire room.


    As soon as I turned sideways, my gaze suddenly stopped when I saw Yunhee, who was currently sitting next to me while looking at me with a surprised look.


    "Nightmare? You kept saying Chunghee''s name when you slept. But, I didn''t dare to wake you up."


    I ignored his words, and slowly got up from my position and sat on the bed. I asked, "Since when were you here?"


    Yunhee replied irritatedly, "Since last night. And because of you, I left my wife at home. She''s going to put me to sleep outside tonight."


    I frowned instantly when I heard the answer. I returned my gaze across the room, eyeing it carefully, before asking to make sure, "Is this in the hospital?"


    He sighed heavily, then asked, "Don''t you remember anything?"


    I shook my head in response.


    Yunhee sneered, then explained, "Heh, yes, you''re in the hospital right now. Last night you were drunk until I found you faint in your apartment. Luckily, your door wasn''t locked, so when I arrived at your apartment, I saw you laying like a very pathetic fool on the floor. If I didn''t come to your place, who knew you would rot in that place?"


    I turned my eyes in a different direction, trying to remember everything again. But, still, it''s just a vague glimpse that was hard for me to conclude.


    In my head, what was ringing was how I argued with Daehyun last night. And after that, I couldn''t remember anything anymore and suddenly woke up in a different place in a daze.


    In the middle of my current thoughts, a fold of paper was thrown and hitting my face. I glanced at the folds of paper that were lying on the bed, then took it, and read it immediately.


    It''s a diagnosis sheet. After reading the writing in it, I showed a cold smile, glanced sharply at Yunhee who was looking at me with an angry gaze. I ripped the paper into small pieces, then said, "Heh, I don''t care."


    Yunhee''s face turned flat and his eyes turned colder. He asked, "Since when did you have a cardiac issue?"


    "It''s been a long time."


    "Does Chunghee know about that?"


    "No."


    "Heh, you two are just as insane. Stop drinking and smoking. How long are you going to be like that, huh? Until you die? That will only shorten your life you know," he said worriedly.


    I lifted my gaze, looking at Yunhee with a look of despair. "Then, what should I do? I just keep feeling restless and you know that I will smoke and drink alcohol when I feel restless, right?" Paused for a moment, I added, "The doctor warned me to quit the habits, but what can I do?"


    "Heh, I''m sure that Chunghee wouldn''t want to see you like this either." Sighing, he tried to persuade me, "What if he finds out that now, the person he left behind is getting sick like this? You don''t want to make him feel sad, do you? You will only make him even angrier with you if he sees your condition. So, from now on, stop drinking and smoking."


    Hearing his words, I slightly lowered my gaze as if something was stabbing my heart deeper. I replied in a low voice that sounded pathetic, "I ... don''t want to die. But, even if I have to die, at least, I die after seeing his face. I can''t die before I see him."


    "Heh, you idiot! What the hell are you talking about? Are you still drunk so you talk such a bullshit?!" He emphasized.


    I smiled but it didn''t reach my eyes, Its curvature was just a falsity that lined the corner of my lips.


    "Hey, Yunhee, you know, throughout my life, there have been many people who reprimanded me about my bad habits. However, I won''t listen to anyone, other than it was Chunghee who said it." There was a nostalgic tone when I said my words. "If it wasn''t Chunghee, I would never stop doing that ¡ª never would."


    I touched my chest which felt tight as if it was squeezed by the tightening of my ribs, like pressing my chest with great force when I remembered how Chunghee used to always reprimand me about my habits, but I never wanted to listen to his words and just kept saying, "I''ll work on it".


    Now, when I had started to fix things up, he had left me instead and it''s because of my faults.


    All of our memories suddenly flashed through my mind, made the pain in my heart hurt even more penetrating the bottom of my heart.


    I muttered, "I ... I miss him so much ... I want him to scold me like he used to ... I want to see his smile when he welcomes me home. I''m even always waiting for him to come home in the living room. But, why, why didn''t he come home until now?"


    "He once said that he accepts me for who I am and will never leave me, but why is he doing this to me now? I want him to come back. I want us to make up. I don''t care if he doesn''t want to talk to me, as long as we can still live together, that''s enough for me."


    This feeling made me want to shed tears. But, I had been crying too much out of this sadness.


    People might see me as a strong man but inside of me was completely shattered to pieces.


    These two days I cried too much so that my tears didn''t remain even though I really wanted to vent my emotions, regret, guilt, for my own stupidity right now.


    "I really miss him ... I really miss my Chunghee. I even always come to his grandma''s house, but there''s no one in that place." With a pause, I squeezed my hair, feeling frustrated by my mind that had never found a common ground for goodness in our relationship. "I ... I want to ... see him. He''s still my lover. We haven''t broken up. I know that Chunghee left me because he just wanted to threaten me. So, I ... I ...."


    "Hey, Donghwa ...." Yunhee squeezed my shoulder as if he also felt the sadness that I felt.


    "I...."


    "Hey, Donghwa!"


    My lips were trembling. There were many things I wanted to say but it was too much to say in words.


    I closed my eyes, took a deep breath to relax, made the words on the tip of my tongue swallow up like thorns that tore the skin of my neck after Yunhee slapped me!


    He shouted, "Donghwa, stop being stupid like that. Stop thinking about him for a while and start caring about your current condition!"


    "Yunhee, I told you, I only care about Chunghee right now. I just want him to come home. And I think ...." I paused for a moment before continuing, "I guess ... I can''t live without him."


    Yunhee snorted, then spoke, "Donghwa, come on, stop acting like that. After all, there''s still Sunyeon, right? You once told me that Sunyeon reminded you of Chunghee when you were at university. Why don''t you come to him for a while to treat you¡ª "


    "Goddamn you!" I cursed.


    I knew that Yunhee intended to comfort me. But, saying that, made me feel even more guilty for what I had done so far.


    So, I shouted furiously, "They''re still different! He will never replace Chunghee! But, why are you still cracking a joke in a situation like this?!" Due to the unbearable anger, I immediately jumped at Yunhee and grabbed his collar tightly when I heard the rotten words leave his lips, causing the IV that was attached to the back of my hand removed without me noticing it.


    "How dare you say that! Don''t bring my words back up. That''s bullshit!"


    Yunhee took a deep breath, then let go of my hand from his neck. "Alright, alright then. But, come on, don''t act like that."


    I kept shouting, "Then, what do you want me to do?! Stay calm when Chunghee is with someone else out there?! I have always been so desperate for him not to be glanced at by other people, am I going to let this situation be? I can''t do that!"


    I slowly stepped back, then sitting down on the patient''s bed limply, helplessly.


    "After graduating from university, we looked for work together and shared the same food. When I was fired from my job, he helped me to find a new job. He was even willing to give the savings he kept for a year just to help me when I really had nothing." I was silent for a moment, smiling stupidly. As I reminisced about our past, I felt my chest tighten even more. I continued, "But, now, I lost the person who was always there for me; the person who always supported me to become like this ... I''m afraid ... I''m really afraid if something bad happens to him ... I can''t. .. I can''t...."

 Chapter 109 - Lee Donghwa: The Joy That Was Lost, Slowly Coming Back

    As soon as I finished my words, the tears that I thought had dried up rolled down my face, flowing profusely along with the regret that was rising increasingly over my chest.


    "I regret everything ...." Before I continued my sentence, I took a deep breath, trying to catch my breath. "There are two things that I regret all my life. First, I have disappointed him. And second ... second ... I was not there when he was dying."


    Yunhee interrupted, "Stop complaining or I''ll beat you up. You''re not this kind of person you know. Be firm as you were before where people disinclined you."


    "You have to remember that you crawled from scratch to build your own business. Compared to Kim, you are stronger than him to face any defiance. He stood with the help of his powerful father, but look at you? Don''t let your three years of struggle become useless."


    With teary eyes, I lifted my gaze towards Yunhee. "Why? You said that I could complain about my feelings."


    "Tch. But, it doesn''t mean that I allow you to complain continuously to me. You''re too clingy. You make me sick. If I was Chunghee, I would have left you since the beginning."


    Hearing his words, I immediately remembered how Chunghee had always spoiled me back then, leaving me speechless, as if regret didn''t leave the slightest room for the most beautiful thing in the future.


    It truly hurt.


    "Heh, are you aware of yourself now?" Yunhee asked in a mocking tone.


    Paused for a moment, I rambled on, "It''s also because you never did anything for me. You said that you would help me, but what? You didn''t do anything but stay¡ª"


    Yunhee suddenly grabbed my collar before I finished my sentence. "What the hell did you just say, bastard? Should I mention them one by one?!"


    "Who is looking for the information about Chunghee at the hospital? If not me, you will never know how your lover is doing now! Also, who helped you dig up the information about Kim? That''s me! Should I also bring up the past when you were struggling to get the contract from the mayor three years ago for your other company?!"


    Yunhee looked furious. Seemingly, I had offended him by those words.


    He let go of his grip, looked at me angrily, and said, "If you say that nonsense once again, don''t expect me to see you again in the future."


    After a few moments of silence, I immediately got up from my position, then spoke, "I have to go. I have some work to do before I return to Sokcho."


    When I put on my suit, Yunhee sneered, "I think, Chunghee has been too strong to stay with you all this time. I bet that no one else can last ten years with someone like you where he always doesn''t want to be blamed even if it''s his fault." With a pause, he affirmed, "From now on, I won''t help you anymore. Mind your own business¡ª"


    Before Yunhee finished his sentence, my body moved on its own to push his body against the wall.


    I gritted my teeth while looking down before saying something that I really didn''t want to say.


    "Brother Bae, I''m sorry. During I lost Chunghee, I couldn''t function my brain properly. I was wrong. I shouldn''t have told you that." Lifting my gaze, I said sincerely, "All this time, you were the only one I thought of as my own brother ¡ª you''re already like my brother ¡ª so forgive me."


    As soon as I finished my words, he pushed me away. Smoothing his coat, he snorted coldly. "This is your last chance. Next time, if you dare to bring anything up again, don''t expect me to help you even if you kiss my feet."


    He paused for a moment, staring intently at me before saying things that seemed to bring the hope back from me.


    "There''s good information for you. I''ve been bugging Kim''s cell phone. I can''t do it for too long because it''s very risky if Kim finds out that his cell phone is being bugged. However, even so, I heard some of his conversations on the phone, and one of them was with Chunghee."


    Hearing about this, I exclaimed impatiently, "Really?! What are they talking about?!"


    Sighing, Yunhee replied, "All this time, Kim brought Chunghee in his villa in Sokcho. But, I heard that he would bring Chunghee back to his grandma''s house yesterday. Now, maybe Chunghee is already there. But, if they are still in the villa, don''t even try to come there. There are lots of guards, I''ve asked some of my men to check it. They can gang up on you before you can meet Chunghee."


    Yunhee''s words were like a piece of good news from God, making the joy that I had not felt for a long time, now coming back to fill my broken heart.


    I couldn''t help but hug him without caring whether he would feel disgusted. "Thank you. Thank you. I owe you!" Removing my embrace, I said with a smile, "I have to finish my work immediately, then head to Sokcho!"


    Yunhee''s face didn''t show any expression. He looked still annoyed with my words earlier.


    Yunhee turned around, walking towards the door. He was about to leave the ward, but before he could pass through the door, he stopped, and said in a flat tone, "You want to go home, right? I''m being kind now, so I''ll drive you."


    Nodding excitedly, I immediately followed him out of this place.


    The two of us walked out to the car.


    Along the way, my eyes were constantly fixed on the city atmosphere with the glamor of the skyscrapers and the people who always looked swamped and unconcern about anything. I looked up at the bustling city with luxurious cars, almost all of which had matching colors.


    However, even so, my thoughts were elsewhere. I wasn''t enjoying what my eyes were witnessing at all.


    Impatience made me smile incessantly. It had been a long time since I felt this excitement.


    Until Yunhee''s voice broke the silence, "Donghwa, last night I met Kim when I was about to go up to your place. I''m sure that he has met you, right? Judging by how the terrible expression on his face, you must have done something crazy again."


    Hearing that question, suddenly the excitement I felt just now turned into a terrifying gloom. I turned to the driver''s seat, looking at Yunhee who was driving.


    Honestly, I wasn''t in the good mood to talk about this. So, I asked briefly in return, "Then, why?"


    He sighed heavily. "Did he beat you last night? Didn''t you look in the mirror and see how bruised on your face is?"


    I fell silent without a word, turning my gaze out the window.


    "What a stupid thing did you do to piss him off again?" Yunhee asked once again.


    I grinned coldly without responding to his words and continued to keep my eyes out the window; staring at the crowded city with the hustle and bustle of its people passing by. I thought that giving him an answer would only make him against me with his wise advice that already sounded so sickening to my ears.


    "Be honest to me!" He suppressed the words.


    Hearing his words, I had no choice but to say, "I threatened to reveal everything at the press conference regarding Kim Myungdae''s involvement in covering up some of my cases. This time, I will not hesitate to say it."


    Hearing about that, Yunhee suddenly slammed on the brakes. He looked back, staring at me in disbelief. "Hey, idiot, have you thought about that with your common sense? It could destroy you too."


    I smiled, then turned to face him. "I have no choice. I have to sacrifice my own career to destroy him."


    "Tch." Yunhee turned his body forwards, Then pulling the lever to sped the car back, before saying, "I hope you can handle it well. Because even if you threaten him with something like that, the success rate is only ten percent. That''s a very small possibility. Whereas the biggest risk is that he can attack you back. It''s easy for him you know."


    I snorted coldly, then changed the subject, "What about you, what made you come over to my place last night?"


    "Ah, yes, I wanted to tell you that tomorrow I will celebrate the fifth year of my marriage. I called you two days ago, but you didn''t pick up my call. So, since I was around your place last night, I decided to tell you in person."


    I glanced at him, and asked mockingly, "Don''t you intend to celebrate the umpteenth year of your relationship with your mistresses?"


    "Tch. We broke up."


    "Which one?"


    I chuckled. Considering this guy also had many mistresses out there, it was hard for me to believe that he had repented of his badness.


    "Heh, so now you''re getting serious with one person?" I glanced at him in the rearview mirror.


    He answered jokingly but sounded striking, "Yes, I''m afraid that one day my relationship will end up like yours. Your love story made me aware of what I''ve done so far."


    "Heh." The word ''heh'' already represented my displeasure when I heard the words without saying anything.

 Chapter 110 - Lee Donghwa: Uninvited Guest!

    After our brief conversation, I just kept silent without a word. Along the way, there was only a cold silence between us.


    After we arrived a few minutes later, I immediately got out of the car indifferently, without saying anything, even I didn''t smile at all.


    As Yunhee reminded me of my troubles with Daehyun, my mood that was so eager had turned terrible, leaving no joy. Luckily, since he helped me this time, I was able to hold my tongue not to say much humiliation.


    Upstairs, I immediately opened the door, then stepped into the empty room that looked so boring, gloomy, and full of anxiety, as if this room was a place of torment from all the mistakes I had ever done.


    It felt suffocating.


    I felt my way around the wall, looked for the light switch, then turned it on. After this gloomy room was being lighted by the lamplight, this empty room finally looked more alive than before.


    However, as soon as the light turned on, my eyes caught a figure who was asleep on the sofa, wearing a warm coat on his body.


    Frowning, I swept my gaze across the clean-looking table, which had looked different from the last time I was here. I then walked towards that person, looked at him for a moment, then muttered softly, "Sunyeon?"


    When I was sure it was him, I angrily kicked off the sofa, then shouted, "Wake up, you slut!"


    Hearing my roar, he gasped in surprise, then slowly opened his eyes. He looked at me in a daze while rubbing his eyes before getting up from his position.


    Looking at me, his sleepy eyes suddenly brightened up. He smiled as if revealing how much he wanted to see me all this time, without feeling guilty for entering someone''s house without permission.


    Holding back my outburst, I tried to say my words as calmly as I could, "How did you get in here?"


    The smile on his face gradually disappeared. He slightly lowered his gaze, then replied, "Ah, that ... your door wasn''t locked, so I immediately walked in. I swear, I did nothing but clean this room and cook a meal for you."


    He paused for a moment, lifted his eyes slowly, then said anxiously, "Brother Bae said that you were in the hospital last night, so I was going to visit you this morning. But, he didn''t let me because he was worried that if you woke up, you wouldn''t want to see me. So, I decided to wait for you to return."


    "And do you think I want to see you now?" I asked viciously.


    Sunyeon looked scared. He lowered his gaze without saying a word.


    I took a deep breath, then emphasized, "Leave right now."


    He bit his lip before he brought up the thing I didn''t want to hear. "But, I want to talk to you. You promised me that you want to discuss our relationship properly when you have time. I called Hoonsik and he said that you vacated the schedule yesterday, so I decided to call you. But, why didn''t you ever pick up my call?"


    I was silent for a moment, then sighed heavily. "I know and I remember my words, but not now. Just wait till I have time and I''ll let you know."


    Hearing my words, Sunyeon immediately looked at me angrily. He complained, "I''m not sure you will! You must be using that excuse to run away again, right?! I don''t¡ª"


    "Sunyeon!" I interrupted angrily, "I''m in a bad mood. I warned you."


    After saying that, I turned around, about to head to the bedroom to change my clothes. However, before I took a step, Sunyeon shouted behind my back, "Brother Lee! I just want us to go back to how we used to be. You hid me for three years from your lover and I''m not willing if you throw me out today!"


    "All this time you told me to be quiet, and I was quiet! You came to me when your lover didn''t serve you well, but I still accepted you! And, when you fought with your lover, you always took your anger out on me. You hit me, tortured me in bed, and even you almost killed me! But, once again, I stick with you! Then, what makes you angry with me? Tell me, then I will do my best to change myself."


    Hearing his stubborn words, weren''t much different from his whimper previously. I clenched my jaw tightly, trying not to be violent.


    But, after a moment of silence and struggling to hold back, I finally turned towards him as my palm also landed on his face hard, causing him to fall on the floor.


    This anger no longer allowed me to think clearly as if I had lost my sanity. I thought that feeling sympathy was just a fool that would never deter him from saying stubborn things over and over again.


    Seeing him grimace in pain, I spoke nonchalantly, "I told you that I''m in a bad mood today." I was silent for a moment, showing a dead glare at him who was touching his face before continuing my words without pity, "Get up. Hurry up before I resort to brute force to make your legs stand up, bitch."


    With trembling legs, he got up without a word. And with tears in his eyes, he tried to stare at me.


    However, as soon as he stood right in front of me, I heartlessly hit his face again, causing him to fall again.


    I walked towards him, while he was about to avoid me by dragging his body backward. Looking into his eyes, he seemed to look at me like a criminal who was about to kill him.


    Without caring, I grabbed his leg, then choked him by the neck. As soon as I was about to land one punch on his face one more time, my palm suddenly stopped at the edge of his eyes.


    Seeing Sunyeon trying hard to stop himself from crying, I slowly lowered my hand, but still showed an angry look without saying a word.


    Sunyeon did always obeyed my words back then. For a long time, I had always told him not to cry when I hit him, even when I tortured him in bed when we had sex. A single tear fell in his eyes, then I would be even harsher to him regardless of whether he was in pain or not.


    That was the rule I made for him. But, now, I realized that it was a mistake to let him be with me all this time.


    I used to enjoy it but now, there''s only pain at the end of my own games.


    I removed my grip on his neck, then stood up. Sighing silently, I asked dryly, "Tell me, how many years have you been with me?"


    With hesitation, he replied in a shaky voice, "Three years ...."


    "During those three years, have I confessed my feelings? Did I ever say that I love you?"


    "...."


    "Tell me, who wanted to sleep with in the first place?" I asked again.


    Sunyeon was silent.


    A few seconds without any response, I shouted again, repeating the same question, thus making him acknowledge himself!


    "Heh, therefore, don''t ever think that we have really been dating for these three years. Moreover, to think that I love you." I stared at him with a look of hatred before adding, "I guess, that''s pretty obvious now, right? Even if you always come to me by asking the same things, I''ll still give the same answer, get it?"


    He lowered his head, then replied softly, "Brother Lee, three years is quite long. If you don''t love me, why do you let me stay with you?" There was sadness in his eyes and sobs in his throat as he said the words.


    Hearing his nonsense, I paused for a moment before replying indifferently, "You keep nagging me to let you stay with me, don''t you? Let''s just say that I feel sorry all this time."


    Like a guilty person who wanted to be right, that answer came out from the side of my idiotic self!


    "Brother Lee¡­." A tear fell down the corner of his eye. His lips were slightly opened as if to say something, but all that was heard were sobs that seemed to buzz in the air. Then, without any response, he turned and hastily left this place while crying.


    I looked at him in silence but didn''t regret what I just said.


    After he left, silence returned to inhabit this vast, empty room, where I stood alone with the echoes of thoughts that kept buzzing in my ears.


    I suddenly felt a strange feeling in my chest. Lowering my gaze, I kept thinking about Sunyeon''s question that made me cornered. That was a very unexpected question. I thought in my mind, "Till now, I don''t know exactly why I let him stick with him for these three years."


    I immediately slapped my face, confirming to myself that it was something insignificant!


    Whatever my reason at that time, it was the stupidest thing that made me regret everything right now. After all, finding the reason wouldn''t change anything for the better way like before.


    ***

 Chapter 111 - Youre Such Annoying Today

    Sokcho.


    Tonight, the sky was brighter than the previous nights. No snow to mask the stars and hide the moon with its white color. Thus, the dots of the stars in the dark sky were sunny as if making the moon smile cheerily.


    No wind brought a storm apart from peace, but the cold air could still freeze this lonely night ¡ª freezing the remains of my feelings ¡ª eroding them slowly ¡ª and flying them somewhere.


    I shook my head slowly. Seemingly, being alone in this silence was starting to get me carried away...


    Looking out the window, I let out a soft sigh. January was the peak of winter in South Korea. Naturally, it snowed as often as they wanted. While it wasn''t a storm, was enough to be called a fortune.


    There was nothing else to do in this place other than sitting in the silence, eyeing the natural painting from morning to night until it made me feel tired.


    I sighed softly. Then, slowly stood up, and walked towards the bed.


    I wasn''t sleepy, but it''s just that I wanted to get through this solitude earlier, even though I know that the next day was no different from today.


    As soon as I was about to close my eyes, the sound of the bedroom door being pushed open distracted me. I immediately turned towards the door and saw the figure of a familiar man who looked so messy.


    Exhaustion was evident on his pale and languid face, showing how he had spent his three days with troubles.


    However, as soon as he saw me, a smile was etched on his face, disguising the fatigue on his face.


    Taking off his black gloves, he walked towards me. Once he was beside me, he sat on the bedside, took my hand, and then held it. He asked with a smile, "How are you feeling today?"


    "Better than yesterday," I replied simply.


    "Thank God. During these three days, I''ve been worried about you."


    Finishing his sentence, Daehyun kissed my hand, then put it on his face.


    Daehyun''s hands were cold like he just came out of the freezer, so I couldn''t help but say, "Your hands are so cold."


    Hearing my words, he laughed hollowly, before apologizing and letting go of his hand.


    I was stunned for a moment, looking at Daehyun with a frown before asking, "You look overwhelmed by something. Is there a problem in your office?"


    Daehyun was silent for a moment before nodding his head slowly. He then said pitifully, "Can I hug you? Maybe with that, I will feel better."


    There were a few seconds'' pauses before I nodded in agreement.


    As Daehyun laid on my chest, I stroked his head gently. There was a feeling of nostalgia that suddenly came to my mind when I remembered how I used to treat Donghwa like this. There was a sense of pleasure that was shortly dominated by pain.


    Donghwa''s words that I still remembered clearly until now were...


    "I love hearing your heartbeat."


    Hearing Daehyun said the words, I momentary froze in silence. I didn''t expect that Daehyun would say the same line as what Donghwa had told me in the past.


    It sounded like the curse that was the most painful in my entire life, where all the loveliness of those words turned into a sword that was stabbed straight into my heart. I could only grit my teeth to hold back how the pain started to creep up my bones.


    Since Daehyun didn''t feel a touch on his head, he lifted his head to look at me, and asked in surprise, "What''s wrong?"


    I turned my face to the side, trying to hide how tormented I was by the words.


    "Chunghee, what''s wrong?" Daehyun asked once again.


    Taking a silent breath, I answered in a hushed voice, "Someone once said that to me. You reminded me of him again."


    Daehyun smiled but it didn''t reach his eyes. He said, "I see ..., then forget about him."


    Hearing his statement, I was immediately shocked. I looked at Daehyun in surprise, thinking that he was really weird today. We lived together for almost two weeks but only this time he was candid about it.


    I asked curiously, "Why did you suddenly say that?"


    Daehyun didn''t answer, but his dark-black eyes seemed to describe the darkness in his heart, and already answering how he truly expected that.


    I stared at him in silence, then suddenly remembered A Yeong''s words who was saying that Donghwa came to Daehyun''s company and insisted on seeing him even without making an appointment first.


    That also made me wonder, ''Did Donghwa make trouble with him? Is that why Daehyun only returns after three days? And, is that why Daehyun asked me to forget about him?''


    I wanted to ask that question, but seeing Daehyun''s current state, made me doubt that I would get a good response from him. I had a bad feeling about it so I decided to hold my curiosity on my tongue.


    Daehyun put his head back on my chest, then suddenly he spoke in a low voice that sounded a little pushy. "Chunghee, forget him and be mine. I can treat you better than him. I promise."


    Daehyun''s words sounded so confident, not showing him as usual who was always humble by all his words.


    Not wanting to talk about this, I changed the subject shortly by saying, "I told you, don''t ask anyone to come to this place just to accompany me, especially if it''s a woman. I''m a man. I don''t want to bother a woman. It''s so embarrassing, you know."


    After saying that, there was a long silence before Daehyun straightened up while staring at me for a moment. He then stood up while taking off his coat, then walked to the wardrobe, took out his shirt.


    He babbled softly, "You keep changing the subject like this. You said you didn''t want to be with him anymore, so you should be able to take your own words and accept my proposal."


    "Daehyun?" I turned to him, staring at him coldly. As soon as he turned to me, I continued, "You''re such annoying today. Go take a shower and sleep."


    "I know, right?"


    Daehyun threw the clothes he was just wearing nowhere, then walked towards me.


    I budged. Thus, as soon as he got onto the bed and pressed me under his body firmly, I was suddenly surprised and gradually felt afraid of him.


    I grimaced, "It hurts! Let go!"


    He looked at me deeply without blinking. His eyes, which were as deep as the ocean, didn''t give off the familiar aura he often displayed. He didn''t even say anything as if he was a beast sniffing his prey.


    "What''s wrong?" I asked in a slightly hoarse voice.


    With a pause, his hand slowly caressed my face gently, then said with a smile, "I''m exhausted. People often say that I get really annoying when I have a lot of stress." He paused for a moment before adding, "I thought, this problem is not too huge and easy to solve, but I think I was wrong. I hope you comfort me by saying ''welcome home'' to me earlier. But ... heh ... I shouldn''t be able to force such a thing to you, right?"


    "About that ... I''m sorry. I''ll do it another time."


    Hearing my words, Daehyun laughed hollowly. He moved away out of above me, then got out of the bed without saying a word.


    He walked to the bathroom. But, before he went inside, I asked, "We''re leaving this place tomorrow, right?"


    Without looking back, he replied, "Ah, yes, that''s right. We''re going back to your grandma''s house tomorrow. I don''t have any important work for the next few days, so we can be there in the morning."


    I smiled in response, then got up from my position, looking at his back before he disappeared behind the door.


    As soon as the "click" sound was heard, I lowered my head. The questions in my head appeared again and made the anxiety arise even more, which made me wonder, ''Have they both met? Has Donghwa been looking for me all this time?''


    However, even though curiosity seemed to urge me to satisfy the questions, I still couldn''t answer the questions in my head even though I knew that holding them back was such a bother.


    A few moments later, Daehyun came out of the bathroom wearing his shirt and shorts while rubbing his wet hair. He walked towards the bed, then sat beside me.


    "Why haven''t you slept yet?" he asked.


    "I am not sleepy yet." I turned to him, then continued, "Daehyun, since when have your men been here?"


    "Ah, that ... since a few days ago. I felt that I needed to do that, so I ordered them. I just want to protect you, though," he replied awkwardly.


    "Protect me from what? I do feel safe here without them." With a pause, I continued, "I don''t like it, you know. Send them away. It feels like you''re locking me up here. I don''t like it."


    Daehyun was silent for a moment before replying, "Tomorrow we''re going to your grandma''s house. I''ll send them off. I won''t tell them to come anymore either."

 Chapter 112 - Telling Many Things (1)

    Paused for a moment, I tried hard to find a topic of conversation. Until what Daehyun said before came to my mind. Still curious about why Daehyun asked me to forget "him" directly, I turned to him beside me, then asked in a low voice, "Daehyun, why did you suddenly say that to me?"


    Hearing the question, Daehyun immediately turned to look at me so that our eyes met in curiosity. He asked in return, "Say what?"


    "About you want me to forget him. You mean, Donghwa, right? Why did you suddenly say that? You never said that bluntly to me before. That''s weird, you know."


    He chuckled softly as he turned his face forward before replying, "When did I say that? You might mishear me."


    I could tell that he was just being evasive about telling me the reason, so I said with a sullen face, "You''re starting to play tricks again. Do you think I''m a kid who would just believe your words? Now, who the one did change the subject?"


    With a pause, he sighed steadfastly. "Don''t bring it up. Just pretend you didn''t hear anything. Like I said before when I was stressed, I would talk nonsense. So just pretend that you didn''t hear anything, okay?"


    After his words, silence immediately filled this dim room. Both of us didn''t talk to each other, which made our current atmosphere feel very strange, like two strangers who were trying to find the topics to get along with.


    I gripped the blanket while sneaking a glance at Daehyun beside me, hoping he would say something.


    Until I accidentally saw a bruise near his temple. Suddenly I felt silly in my heart but also felt sorry as I knew that it was caused by his father, and it was probably because of me.


    I couldn''t help but ask to make sure, "Did you argue with your father again? Is it because of me?"


    Daehyun turned sideways, looking at me with a frown. "Hell, no."


    Even though his lips said "no", his gestures showed a different thing that made me believe that it was indeed because of me.


    I smiled weakly. "You already sacrificed many things for me. If Mr. Kim rebukes you, you should listen to his words. I have known him for a long time ago and he''s very unhappy with indiscipline, and I''m sure that you know it better than I do, don''t you?" I turned to him, and added, "You''re not that different from him. But, lately, you''ve lost yourself I think. That''s not good, you know."


    He chuckled. "No. It''s not that I lost myself, but I just found the best way for myself. This is the real me. You just need to get used to the current me so you don''t get me wrong one day. I''m a rebel who used to escape from his own family to abroad, you know."


    I paused for a moment as he finished his words, looked at him intently, then said, "You are indeed a very unpredictable person."


    "Why? What I showed you all the time wasn''t making it up."


    I could only be silent. It''s not that I was at a loss for words to respond to, but it''s just that I didn''t want to convey what I thought of him right now.


    He said that what he showed me wasn''t making it up. Hearing the statement, made me want to laugh at it.


    That''s funny.


    I had been in a relationship with someone for a decade and I could tell the difference between how to feel like having something and how it felt after getting what you want.


    It''s the same with Donghwa. We dated, then lived together as a couple. Everything was clear about how the difference was revealed by times without being covered up.


    that began with an intoxicating sweetness like sipping old wine. Then gradually, the sweetness disappeared and was replaced by a tormenting bitter taste.


    Simply, when you loved someone, then you would try to show the best side of yourself and after that, the other side would be revealed by the time that was unhappy with pretense.


    I just didn''t fully trust him because I didn''t know him that much.


    After a long silence, I replied curtly, "That''s just my opinion, though. It''s you who know about who exactly you are."


    Taking a silent breath, I started to tell, "You know, when A Yeong was here, she told me about you. She said that you were a very unexpected person. At first, she thought that you were a cold, bossy, arrogant, assertive, and indifferent boss. But, after she was your assistant for these months, she said that she got you wrong. She said everything was the opposite of what she had seen so far."


    I smiled, then continued, "At first, I thought so too. The first time you replaced your father at TU Company, you did look very arrogant, especially at that time, I didn''t know that it was you. But, after being close to you, I felt that you didn''t change a lot. You''re still acting the way I knew you years ago. But, because I don''t know much about you, you surprise me too often. So that''s why I say that you are an unpredictable person."


    He chuckled after hearing my speech. "I heard a lot of gossip about it. I''m not surprised anymore. But, it''s just that I didn''t expect you guys to talk about me when I wasn''t around."


    "I think A Yeong really admires you. She is always excited when she talks about you."


    "That kid ...."


    Still smiling, I said, "I''m actually curious about how you were in the past either. If you don''t mind, would you please tell me everything? I want to hear everything while there is still time. I want to get to know you better."


    He stunned for a moment before sighing heavily. "Me in the past, huh? I don''t have any interesting stories to tell actually."


    "I don''t think it''s a problem, though. Just tell me. I''ll be a good listener for you."


    He paused for a moment, then said, "How should I start it? Everything seems messy in my head if I have to remember my past. Maybe you can ask me and I will answer you so everything becomes systematic." He chuckled.


    Smiling, I replied, "Um, maybe you can start over, like where you came from? I''m sure that you''re not from Sokcho, are you?"


    He chuckled again. "Exactly. Guess, where am I from?"


    I stared at him in silence before answering surely, "Gyeongsang."


    Daehyun chuckled in awe. He then asked excitedly, "How did you guess?"


    "It''s easy. Your dialect shows your true identity. You know that the people of that region have a strong and aggressive accent, especially your father. He''s even worse than you. Compared to him, you speak a little gentler than him."


    "Ah, as I thought. You''re right. I come from that region, precisely Ulsan."


    Actually, when Daehyun was having a casual conversation, the words and tone of his voice were quite gentle. However, once he got angry, even though he tried to suppress his anger, the intonation of his voice was truly terrifying. If I had to choose, I would rather let Donghwa shout at me when he was angry than Daehyun who had to say something when he was angry. He truly scared me.


    After that, I asked again, "Then, what about your childhood?"


    "Um, nothing special. I only had a short time to hang out because I had to get back on time. After that, I just spent time with books in my house."


    "So, that''s why you always rushed home when we played?"


    He smiled. From his eyes, there was a bitter thing as he said, "Yeah. If I didn''t return on time, my father would scold me because he thought that I didn''t want to study and become disobedient to him. At that time, I didn''t dare to fight him."


    Feeling that there was something wrong with his words, I frowned in confusion. "At that time? Then, you mean now you dare to fight him?"


    "Um, maybe." Paused for a moment, he said, "He was always pressuring me. But, in the end, he also released me and agreed to all my decisions."


    Feeling interested in this conversation, I asked, "So, what about your mother?"


    However, after hearing the question, he immediately fell silent, lowering his gaze slightly.


    His face darkened. The familiar attitude of him that had previously warmed now turned cold in silence.


    Realizing that I had asked the wrong thing, I immediately apologized, "Ah, Daehyun, sorry, I shouldn''t¡ª"


    "She died eleven years ago." Daehyun suddenly interrupted and spoke deeply as if he still had deep sorrow on that day, "That year, my mother was on vacation in Hong Kong with her friends. But, unexpectedly, the sars epidemic had spread in the Hong Kong and Vietnam areas. She decided to return, but he had caught the virus."


    "Ah, I''m sorry to hear that. I shouldn''t have asked that," I said guiltily.


    "Heh, I didn''t expect it to happen so fast. She''s the only one who can understand me completely. He knows what I want. But, since she left my life has been really messed up ...."

 Chapter 113 - Telling Many Things (2)

    Daehyun''s eyes started to fill with tears as he reminisced about his past. He took a deep breath before continuing, "The government was isolating people who had infected the virus, so my mother had to be there alone. My father tried everything he could to sent her back to this country, but useless. And, after a week of being treated in one of the hospitals there, she finally died ...."


    I had nothing to say. I didn''t expect that a man like him, who always looked tough in my eyes, would have darkness that had been buried for all this time.


    I was speechless, feeling empathize.


    Losing someone important was indeed the most painful thing. We couldn''t even take it for years or even die with that feeling.


    I knew how painful it was to lose someone who was you considered as an important person in your life. I had felt it before, and the pain still lingered in my heart.


    Soon, he said again, "But, it was only conveyed by my father."


    "What do you mean?"


    He glanced at me for a moment, smiled with sadness in his eyes, then spoke, "I wasn''t there on the day of her death and that''s what I regret until now."


    "Where were you?" I asked curiously.


    "At that time, I was in France. I had been there since I was in high school. I argued with my father, so he sent me abroad, and forbade me to return until I finished my study. So, I never met my mother except her, who came to visit me there."


    Paused for a moment, he continued, "Nobody told me. Everyone kept it hidden from me at the behest of my father. He only told me after one year of her death. You can imagine how I felt at that time." He smiled bitterly, then added, "That''s why I''m not close to my father. From then on, I didn''t want to go back to this country and choose to live in France. But, five or six years later, he came to apologize to me and persuade me to return."


    "Yes, I returned because I thought that I couldn''t keep being childish all over the time, so I tried to make up with him. However, do you know what happened when I returned to this country? I just found out that my father had a purpose. He wanted me to marry the daughter of his business colleague but of course, I declined, and again, we argued." Daehyun''s expression drastically turned irritated as soon as he revealed that.


    "However, in the end, he agreed with my decision, but on one condition that I had to return to France and run my business there. Of course, it''s not a big deal for me. Besides, I have friends who could help me there, so I agreed. Heh, from the start, I had never intended to return then if it wasn''t him who asked me to, though."


    Hearing about the story of him, made me think that we weren''t that different. We both had lost someone who mattered in our lives. The difference was, his father was a loyal person and passed on that loyal nature to his son at this time. As for my father ... heh, I could only show a bitter smile when I remembered about him.


    But, even though he left me for years, I never hated him or held a grudge for leaving me. He''s my father and would still be a father to me, no matter how bad he was.


    I always thought that if he only came back, I would welcome him as a child who was waiting for his father to come back. However, unfortunately, that never happened until now.


    Imagining it was like hallucinating. The reality was very unlikely.


    Feeling guilty, I spoke, "Daehyun, about your mother, I''m sorry for asking that."


    "It''s okay. I was just a little surprised earlier because no one had ever asked me such a thing before. Usually, people would ask: how is your business? How is the curve in your company? The only questions I hear are questions about my job." He looked at me deeply, and added, "You''re the only one who asks me such a question ...."


    I lifted an eyebrow. "Um, still, I''m sorry if my question bothers you."


    "No. I''m not bothered at all. On the contrary, I''m delighted if you want to know more about me. You don''t need to hesitate. Ask whatever you want to know, then I''ll tell you everything."


    I sighed softly, relieved. Knowing that he didn''t mind, I ask him again, "Um, then, you said that you didn''t want to come back, then why were you here in the end?"


    "It''s because of you. I''ve always thought of you, so I decided to come back."


    I shook my head lightly, feeling that it was just a joke from him. "Don''t joke around. I''m seriously asking that."


    "Me too. That''s my main reason. But, if you ask another reason, it''s because I just feel bored. I tried to get close to my father again and persuaded him to give up a company for me so he handed over TU shares to me," he said with a smile. as if he regretted nothing.


    "You know, I''m very grateful he gave that company because I could meet you there. This is like destiny. We met very easily," he continued.


    I was stunned for a moment when I heard the word "destiny". I thought to my mind that his words might have some truth. These were the lines of destiny, arranged so neatly that no one could even tell that there was something unexpected in the scenario.


    Daehyun''s presence made me quite close to him again like we used to do. But, besides that, there''s Donghwa who constantly felt jealous, and even accused me of being the one who cheated on him?


    Then, how did he call his affair?


    Heh, he did accuse me too often with other people who were even my own friends since then, while I just let him be all this time to avoid the arguments.


    This might be called my fault from the start.


    However, I only needed to live the rest of my life with someone else even though I also had to endure a lot of burden in my heart.


    In silence, Daehyun said again," You know, after knowing that if you work at that company, I intend to always be with you. So, I asked one more company so I could have a good reason if, at any time, my father wants me to return to France."


    I lowered my gaze. Either out of admiration or out of shock, those words left me unable to think of anything for a while.


    "What''s wrong?" Daehyun asked curiously.


    Lifting my eyes, I replied, "Ah, nothing. I just didn''t expect you to go that far."


    He smiled gently. "I''m just afraid that I have to lose you a second time."


    I suddenly fell silent. Somehow I felt that our conversation getting more intense, so I tried to change the subject by asking, "Um, if you are from Gyeongsang, why did we meet at [1]Gangwon?"


    [Note: Gangwon is one of the provinces in South Korea]


    Hearing this, he immediately burst out laughing like he was laughing at a child who was asking such a silly question.


    He replied, "My father is a businessman. Wherever he went at that time, he would definitely bring his family." He chuckled softly, then said derisively, "Geez, I didn''t think you would ask this."


    I snorted in annoyance. "You idiot. I was just asking what was going through my head."


    With a pause, he tilted his head slightly, then gave me a weird look. "You dare to call me idiot, huh? The last person who said that to me, I beat him in the face."


    Frowning, I replied, "So, why? Are you waiting for me to regret it? If you want to beat me up, go ahead."


    Daehyun smiled. He put his arm around me, then said solemnly, "Of course I won''t. How could be! It''s just that ... you''re so cute when you tease me. I kind of want to bite you." While saying, he chuckled and showed a sparkle in the corner of his beautifully curving eyes.


    "Heh, it''s you who have been teasing me a lot lately."


    He smiled.


    We paused for a moment before his voice was heard again, "Um, then what about you?"


    Still frowning, I swept my gaze at him, "What?"


    "What about you? I also want to know more about yourself. It''s not fair if I''m the only one who talks a lot here."


    Stunned for a moment, I sighed heavily. I asked, "What do you want to know?"


    "Everything. Just tell me everything."


    With a pause, I started to tell, "I ... I was born in Seoul."


    He frowned in confusion when he heard the first sentence of me. "Hmm? I thought that you were from this area."


    "No. I was born in Seoul. But, I already consider this town as my hometown." I smiled. There was a feeling of gratitude when I said my words.


    Daehyun chuckled. "I feel like I''ve been cheated."


    "What do you mean?"


    He pulled my arm, then hugged my body tighter so that my position seemed to sink in his broad chest.

 Chapter 114 - Telling Many Things (3)

    "It''s okay. Go on."


    I said steadfastly, "I live in a simple family. As I recall, my father was just an ordinary office employee and my mother worked in a small restaurant. After the accident happened, my mother died and my father left me a week later. At that time, I was five years old, so my grandma took me to Sokcho and took care of me."


    I smiled weakly. Recalling those memories seemed to open up old wounds. I said, "It''s different from you who can live with your parents from the start so you could feel their love. You''ve also lived a luxurious life from the start, so I guess you lived well with them. Even though your father always demanded you to follow the rules in your family, you should still be grateful because you still have a parent."


    "Heh," Daehyun sneered, "I only feel love from my mother." Sighing heavily, he continued, "Put your thoughts away. Just so you know that living in luxury since you were a child doesn''t mean your life will be prosperous, you know."


    "I told you, my family''s upbringing was very hard. From a long time ago, my father wanted me to continue his business, so he demanded me keep studying without caring if I didn''t have time to have hang out with ... you. Even though he always gave me anything, it means nothing to me. That''s not what I want." He chuckled as if to mock himself. "You know, I was so depressed, I even thought that being homeless is more pleasure than living at my own home. How can I be grateful?"


    Stunned for a moment, I concluded, "Huh, that means you''re an unlucky rich man."


    Daehyun''s face suddenly turned flat. There was a moment''s pause, then he ruffled my hair. "I think you''re right. My luck is very bad."


    I chuckled softly, then looked up at his face and said, "But, didn''t you say that he had freed you?"


    "Yeah, after my mother died. And, that''s because I was furious with him at that time. But, because I''m used to living by his rules, I''m still an obedient son for him, except in certain things."


    "What kind of thing?"


    "Um ... such as for loving someone, maybe."


    Daehyun looked at me with a faint smile on his face. Although his tone sounded joking, his eyes revealed seriousness.


    Hearing about that, I smiled bitterly. "But, you look like you''re having fun now."


    Daehyun leaned his head against mine, then replied, "Not really. If you look at me like that, then it''s because I''m with you. You''re the only one who makes me happy. But, if you mean having fun like a teen, heh, I''ve had old enough to do something like that. I''m thirty-four now and have no interest in such a thing anymore. Compares to my job, I''m more interested in my current job."


    "But, still, you don''t look old I think." I praised him, "Even when I compare you to Donghwa, you look younger than him, though. You should be grateful to be a part of your family. That''s the best part."


    Instantly he fell silent. He lifted his head, looked straight ahead, then muttered softly, "If you compare me to him ...."


    He then turned his head towards me, staring at me with his deep dark eyes, showing a sharp green glow in his beaded eyes. He said, "But, you will still choose him, right?"


    My breath suddenly shuddered, feeling shocked. My eyes widened open and I couldn''t say anything, other than just staring at his bloodless face, without a line of a smile. His face looked completely different from before. Looked cold, as if drowning me into a deep-frozen lake.


    Seeing him act like this, made me regret my own words. If only I could take those words back, then I would withdraw them, and swallow them up even though it would be painful!


    I wanted to talk, but the more I tried, my lips also tightened together as if they were locked and at a loss for words.


    Until a second later, his warm lips touched mine and made me wake up from my reverie.


    This was just an instant kiss. I didn''t even notice that he had snatched the kiss from me, like hallucinating.


    He spoke, "What''s the matter? Why do you look tense like that? Don''t show me that face I don''t like it, you know."


    I slightly lowered my gaze. Still in silence without a word, I bit my lower lip to force myself to speak, but I still couldn''t.


    How could I seem to be calm after he surprises me with such a question?


    He persuaded me, "Don''t show me a face like that. Come on, smile."


    Paused for a while, a thing suddenly flashed through my head. I slowly lifted my eyes, looking at him for a moment before asking, "Daehyun, so far you never asked about what happened to my relationship. Why don''t you ask that?"


    A smile etched coldly on his straight face. He showed a displeased look, but still spoke calmly, "Why should I ask that? When I found out you left him, I could already guess that the matter was definitely very serious. So, I guess, I don''t need to ask for any more details. What''s more, you never discussed it, so I don''t think you want to bring it up either."


    Daehyun was silent for a moment, then continued, "But, if you want to talk about it tonight, I''ll be a good listener for you."


    I took a deep breath, then replied, "I''ll tell you, but promise me to stay calm, okay?"


    Daehyun glanced at me, then chuckled softly. "Do I really look like the person who always scolds you if you say talk about that? I don''t even remember doing it ¡ª every day."


    "No, that''s not it. It''s just that, I''m afraid if when you tell it you will be displeased."


    "Heh," he snorted coldly. "That''s no longer a big deal for me, though."


    I was stunned for a moment. At first, I was hesitant, but after gathering my intentions, I started telling him.


    "Our fourth year at university, 2003. I still remember, it was autumn. Donghwa confessed his feelings to me, but I didn''t accept it right away because I was afraid of this kind of relationship. However, he was very persistent, even though always following me around. Of course, I even thought of him as a disturber."


    The feeling of nostalgia for those days made me both happy and sad. There was something deeper that went even deeper into my feelings, which couldn''t be described in words, but was clearly felt in my chest.


    "Until some time later, he suddenly disappeared. At that moment, I realized that I like him. His behavior that always followed me wherever I went at that time, made me feel so lost when he no longer did that." I sighed heavily, then said, "You won''t believe it if you look at him in the past. You might think that they were two different people in two eras. I just don''t think that Donghwa who is with me right now is Donghwa who often chased me in the past."


    Daehyun fell silent without any response.


    I smiled faintly, then continued, "After he came back like a hero, I feel very grateful to meet with him. And when he confessed his feelings again to me, I threw away the fear inside of me and accepted him."


    "Like a hero?" Daehyun asked in a low voice.


    "Yeah, he helped me when the hooligans bothered me."


    He paused for a moment, then snorted softly. "Don''t you want to tell about your problems? Why do you even reminisce about your past?" Closed my eyes, I let out a heavy sigh before replying, "I want to tell you. So, to begin with, I want you to get to know him first."


    "What? You want me to know him?" He rolled his eyes, grinning coldly.


    He lifted an eyebrow, looking displeased. However, seeing his expression didn''t discourage me from telling everything. Besides, I couldn''t help but say it. I wouldn''t be able to take my words back, and he wouldn''t be able to pretend that he didn''t hear anything either.


    I continued, "The day after our graduation day, his parents divorced, and both of them chose to remarry regardless of Donghwa''s feelings at that time. However, that stuff didn''t discourage him. He always looked cheerful even though he ended up crying in my arms."


    Daehyun smirked. It was as if the words I conveyed, contradicted his current thoughts. He asked, "He said that to you?"


    "Yes, what''s up?"


    He shook his head lightly. "Nothing. I just remembered something. But, just get on with it."


    Taking a silent breath, I said again, "After graduating, we looked for a job together. We had worked at the same company, but an incident occurred, which in the end made us both choose to work in different places."


    I smiled wearily when reminiscing about it as if the fond memories of those days made me feel how I loved him at that time.


    I wanted to go back to that time, but time would never make that dream come true unless I was probably reborn.

 Chapter 115 - Telling Many Things (4)

    "The two years of our relationship were our hardest times. Working in a tough world, getting ridiculed, humiliated, and ostracized. I didn''t even think that we could get through it all."


    The bitter memories gradually recovered. There were a lot of things that made me smile, but only a few had a memorable feeling like that day, where we both managed to survive.


    "One day he continued to be promoted at the agency and managed to invest more shares, but that''s also because of Mr. Kim. Since the beginning, the agency is his. The biggest shareholder is him. Donghwa should owe him."


    Hearing about this, Daehyun suddenly chuckled softly.


    I frowned in confusion and asked, "What''s funny?"


    He replied, "Since a long time ago, my father isn''t good at managing an agency. Besides, he also doesn''t really like news matters. But, he also never thought that the agency would become one of the huge agencies after two years it was built."


    He spoke mockingly again, "My father trusted Lee, so he gave the agency to him. Judging by what my father has said, Lee is great, though. But, unfortunately, he once made a big mistake that made my father get furious. He even took his anger out on me, which is I didn''t know anything about the problems at the agency."


    "What mistake?" Instantly my breath caught, I muttered in a shaking voice, "I-I never knew about that ...."


    Lifting an eyebrow, he spoke, "Seriously? Even though you have been together for years? What kind of relationship is that?"


    I knew that Daehyun was taunting our love story, but I didn''t want to take it seriously, and only said, "He never tells about his problems and I''m also reluctant to ask him about it. So, when you say that he made a ''mistake'', it''s really surprised me."


    But, if only I knew about the things he did in business, what could I do when I found out about it at that time? Reprimanding him? It''s useless. I was certainly sure that he wouldn''t listen to me.


    "Heh, let me tell you something." Daehyun smiled coldly, then began to tell, "Five years ago, the agency''s income had fallen. My father urged Lee to deal with the problem immediately because he was too busy with his other business. In short, after being urged, Lee finally started moving, and gradually the agency started to stabilize it again. However, what he did to fix the agency''s finances was truly despicable. He was doing plagiarism. It was confirmed by the related parties, and the profit was really great, reaching 70 %. That''s crazy, though."


    I frowned in confusion, asking sighly, "But, isn''t that agency a News Agency?"


    "I think your business knowledge has gone down a bit." Massaging his forehead, he sighed, then explained, "The acquisition of a company doesn''t always have to be merged so that two different brands can immediately run together in one company. After all, the business I mean is his dark business, that means outside of the responsibility of the agency he is currently running."


    My lips pursed, trying to defend myself, "At university, I didn''t do Business Studies, but Graphic Design. So, I don''t know much about it."


    He smiled. "Nobody blames you, anyway."


    I took a silent breath, then asked curiously, "Then, what happened after that?"


    Daehyun grinned. "Of course he was asked for compensation. If not, they threatened to take this matter to court and spread the news in the media. Fortunately, Lee was able to handle it and my father helped him to cover it up from the media."


    I was stunned when I heard the explanation of him. If only I had known the problem at that time, we probably would have fought again.


    "However, two years after, he was acting up again. His relationship with his assistant was heard by the media. Again, my father helped him to cover up the issue before it got out. Heh, he''s so clumsy. Is he always like that? I even laughed when my father told me about this."


    I smiled. Donghwa''s images flashed in my sense, made me spontaneously speak as well as I knew him very well.


    "Yeah, he''s indeed a very clumsy person, even for the little things. Even though I often reprimand him, he still repeats the same carelessness. But, no wonder, he''s as stubborn as me. He just doesn''t want to be controlled and believes in what he believes."


    After saying that, I took it all back, and suddenly felt that it was too bitter to forget. I didn''t have the heart to forget how that man looked. Besides, I felt incredulous for saying this but didn''t regret it at all.


    Somehow, after saying it, there was a feeling of relief in my heart which made my body lighter. Then, I spoke again guiltily, "Daehyun, I''m sorry because all this time, he''s been causing trouble for your family."


    "...."


    After saying that, we fell silent. I gripped the blanket tightly, feeling uneasy. With all kinds of emotions in this silence, I didn''t even know how I felt right now.


    I lowered my gaze, then slowly looked at Daehyun beside me. As if he already knew that I was going to look his way, he did the same.


    His gleaming and deep eyes were like a lake in silence, looking calm, yet drowning out the stars, and showing no emotion when our eyes met each other. Or, maybe it was disguised by his flat face?


    It was different from me, where every emotion flared up even more when our eyes met, so I immediately looked away, not wanting to stare at the face of someone who was still silent beside me.


    Staring at him a little longer, it would only make me sink even deeper into his eyes.


    Suddenly he spoke, saying things I didn''t want to hear, "I know you still love him. But what did he do so you chose to sacrifice your feelings and stay in your relationship?"


    His deep voice echoed in my ears, bouncing in my mind. Then, I turned my head back to him, looking into his eyes that were still as calm as before.


    Daehyun was really good at hiding his feelings.


    "You haven''t continued your words ...," he continued, still on the same look.


    I bent my knees while sighing heavily. Then, carefully saying, "Do I still love him? What I feel recently is that he''s changed to me. He''s like a stranger."


    I didn''t remember much about how much I loved him. Everything was left was how often he disappointed me.


    I lowered my head, bit my lip to suppress the tears in my eyes, then continued, "I still hope to fix our relationship. After all, it''s not easy to get past those ten years, so I don''t want us to break up. I trust him that he can change, so that''s one of my reasons for staying. But, the more I try to convince myself, the more he disappoints me. Until our great fight comes and I have to go ¡ª he kicked me out too, though."

 Chapter 116 - Theres Nothing Needed To Maintain Again

    "He''s not a good guy ...." Daehyun mumbled.


    I smiled bitterly after hearing the words. That''s true. Now, he wasn''t a good guy. But, in the past, he was a nice guy who I loved the most.


    I reminisced by saying, "I knew he was cheating on me. I knew that he had slept with many people out there, so he rarely return home for me. He didn''t spend much time with me anymore. And, when I called him, he seldom answered my calls and always keeps me waiting. Until I think that our relationship is truly broken."


    My eyes were sore with this inner wound. "However, it''s nothing. I could still stand by his behavior."


    Paused for a moment, I lifted my face, then continued, "The thing that made me almost unable to stand was that when he came back, he always scolded me, shouted at me, accused me of something I never did. His rude attitude couldn''t make me last any longer. He was grumpy but not as bad as now. Plus, he''s been lying to me all this time too. I''m tired to last much longer. What''s more, I''m sick physically and mentally. I feel like I''ve lost myself."


    "I stay like his mistress who was waiting his turn to be spoiled by him." I snorted softly before continuing, "But, do I deserve to be called his mistress? I have cared for him for years; gave my whole heart to me; cooked for him; served his lust; can I still be called a mistress? I hardly even used the money he sent except for my medical expenses. And that''s because I''m in a state of urgency."


    Daehyun was still silent beside me. He had not said anything yet. However, I reluctantly turned to look at him and spoke again, "I sometimes think about why does he have to change when we''ve been in this relationship for so many years? If he wants to change, why didn''t he do it at the beginning of our relationship? He changes when I already think of him as the only person I have, this is so unfair to me."


    After my words, Daehyun asked all of a sudden, "Do you want to come back to him?"


    The question immediately made me turn to him. Frowning, I replied, "I told you I would never come back to him."


    He smiled stupidly, "I do love you but, if you want to come back to him, then do it. Don''t hold yourself back."


    "Daehyun, stop asking me such a thing!" I almost shouted.


    However, he ignored me, then repeated the same question, "I''ll ask you one more time, do you want to come back to him?"


    Even though his voice sounded calm, each word that was pressed, emphasized the question he asked.


    I answered with a low voice, "No, what''s wrong? Why are you suddenly asking such a question? You''re weird, you know."


    Weird? Heh, actually, I was the only one who''s acting weird right now.


    Slowly, he shifted his body so that he was closer to me. His hand touched my face and as soon as his face came to me, I reflexively turned sideways to avoid a kiss on the lips.


    He grabbed my face, then said in his alluring voice full of sweeping tenderness, "I want to do it, could we do it again tonight?"


    By looking into his eyes, I thought very carefully. Thinking about bad or good things that could happen at any time. Initially, I was about to refuse, but as soon as my second thought appeared, I became a hopeless person.


    "Daehyun, don''t forget that I''m sick," I muttered, trying to remind him.


    His face turned pitiful. He said in a gentler voice, "I know. But, what else can I do?"


    As soon as Daehyun brought his face closer, I tilted my head, let him bite my neck, then wet my neck with the semen saliva on his mouth.


    Besides, what do I need to defend? What pride do I need to uphold? Or, whose heart do I need to protect again?


    Nothing.


    There''s nothing needed to maintain again.


    Daehyun immediately pressed me beneath him and smiled with satisfaction. He whispered intimately in my ear, "I''ll please you tonight."


    He started kissing every inch of my body, then slowly descended to the bottom and did a blowjob for me.


    This room seemed to be filled with sounds of intimacy. As soon as Daehyun started doing it, he was very careful as if he didn''t want to injure my body. But, still, emotionally this wasn''t something that made me feel good.


    From the first time until the second time we did it, I never really enjoyed it.


    Moments in the sea of ??heat, Daehyun smiled with satisfaction after filling my body with the clear liquid. He truly looked satisfied on his face physically.


    I was about to fall asleep. However, no matter how much I tried to close my eyes, still, I couldn''t do it. I felt like I just had a terrible nightmare.


    After revealing the burdens in my heart, now I plunged myself into something that was even more destructive to who I was.


    Until finally, Daehyun voiced behind my body, "Chunghee, are you okay? Did I hurt you? You have to take a shower so you don''t have a stomachache."


    Without turning around, I replied, "No need. I''m fine. You''re also doing it more gently than before, don''t worry."


    Actually my body felt crushed, but I was used to this kind of pain, so I wasn''t that worried about it again.


    "Then, why aren''t you sleeping yet?" he asked again.


    I was stunned for a moment before replying, "You haven''t slept either, have you?"


    Finishing my words, his hands suddenly wrapped around me. "I can''t sleep."


    There was silence. Still embracing me, I could feel his warm breath against the nape of my neck. Until a few moments later, I said, "I want you to do something for me ...."


    "What is it?"


    I took a deep breath before saying my words carefully, "If you meet Donghwa, just tell him I''m dead."


    He suddenly fell silent, and I could feel his arms tighter and tighter around my body, then spoke deeply, "For whatever reason, I would never say something like that."


    "Daehyun, my life¡ª"


    His hand suddenly closed my mouth, not allowing me to continue my words. He emphasized, "Go sleep. Don''t talk anymore."


    I slowly removed his hand, then spoke again, "Then, after I die, I want you to bury me in Jeju Cemetery. I don''t want to be cremated. But, don''t tell this to Donghwa. I don''t want him to¡ª"


    "Chunghee, enough, please. Don''t talk about it anymore."


    Hearing him say that sternly, made me unable to continue the words I had not had time to finish. However, it didn''t matter. At least, saying the important thing once was enough to make him remember the last words from me. I was sure that he would do as my last wish.

 Chapter 117 - He Had An Unstable Mood

    We were silent for a long time. Because the room was too quiet for both of us, only the sound of the breath could be heard.


    I stared at the wall blankly, thinking about what had just happened between us, then was suddenly distracted by the second thought that had appeared all of a sudden.


    I thought that Daehyun''s attitude these days was weird. He seemed to be hiding something important from me ¡ª I could feel it. But, I didn''t dare to bring it up ¡ª not now ¡ª but later.


    Daehyun looked like in too much trouble, if I talked about what I was thinking, I was afraid that his good temper would turn out badly.


    A nice guy like him was too mean when he got furious ¡ª even his words could stab your heart deeper than a grumpy who berated you when he was angry.


    Until Daehyun''s deep voice broke the grim silence between us. "Did you receive the scarf from A Yeong?" he asked in a voice like a sigh.


    "Yes, I did, why?"


    "Do you like it?"


    There was a pause before I replied, "Yeah, I do."


    "Heh."


    We fell silent again.


    I tried to find the meaning of the word "heh", but what I found was a very insulting mockery. I didn''t mean to think negatively, after all, Daehyun was a dominant person with a glorious heart even though he wasn''t completely trustworthy. It''s just that I felt that he had just revealed something important and painful without me knowing it.


    In the silence of the night, Daehyun was asleep with his head leaning against my back. I could hear him snoring softly behind me. Then, as time went on without stopping from second to second to the hours, I began to drift off into sleep and fell asleep.


    The next morning, Daehyun packed my things sincerely and excitedly. He didn''t look tired like how he showed his face last night.


    Only a while. There were only several pieces of clothes in the bag because from the start, I didn''t bring anything except Daehyun who bought those pajamas for me. So, Daehyun wouldn''t even have a hard time at all.


    Meanwhile, I just stood in the doorway of the room, watching Daehyun who was packing.


    After preparing everything, we hurriedly went out of the room. Once we were downstairs, Daehyun suddenly stopped right in the living room. He turned towards me, staring at me for a while before he made a voice.


    "You''re not wearing the scarf I gave you?"


    I frowned in confusion. What''s more, the light blue scarf I wore around my neck was his gift. Then, why did he ask that?


    I replied, "Don''t you see what I''m wearing now?"


    Daehyun was silent.


    Seeing Daehyun''s expression spontaneously turning dark, I thought that he had an unstable mood. However, I didn''t really think about it, and asked worriedly, "Daehyun, is everything okay? Is there something bothering you?"


    He forced a smile, then gritted his teeth. "No, everything''s fine ¡ª I''m fine."


    I could tell that something was bothering him and the answer he just said was a lie. So, I asked him one more time, hoping he would tell the truth. "Are you sure you''re okay?"


    Daehyun fell silent again without a word.


    Somehow, after the words, his pheromones felt so terrible. I stared at him without speaking, noticing how his sharp eyes locked right into the weak point of my feelings, so deep that they were tracing every corner of my heart as if there was something he wanted to find out, which was the source of his anxiety.


    I winced, wondering to myself, ''What''s wrong with him? He shouldn''t show a face like that after what we talked about last night, right?''


    Unfortunately, the words only stayed in my mind. My lips were reluctant to process word by word and chose to remain silent, waiting for a word or two from Daehyun to break the silence.


    He lowered his cold-dark eyes slowly to my neck, staring at the scarf wrapped neatly around my neck.


    As if blown by the autumn wind, his face turned bleak, leaving no serenity on his face, as if mixing all the feelings into one emotion that emitted a cold aura in his glint. Then, in a low voice, He muttered with a pathetic smile, "So, you wear it ..."


    His voice was like a whisper. If it wasn''t my distance that was closer to him, I wouldn''t have heard those vague words from his lips.


    Feeling strange when I heard those words, my forehead wrinkled again, "Why? This is a gift from you, isn''t it? How can I not wear it?"


    He smiled and said coldly, "No ... It wasn''t from me. Lee gave it to you."


    Despite his voice that was heard slight, almost drowning in silence, the words quite clearly.


    The statement instantly made me freeze, being speechless. Many emotions began to appear irregular in my heart. But, fortunately, the disbelief kept my heart racing so it didn''t make me breathe as short as when I was surprised.


    Daehyun chuckled, then ruffled my hair while talking, "I''m kidding." With a pause, he said, "I have something to give you."


    "What is it?"


    When he smiled again, his face gradually brightened. He replied, "Not now. I''ll give it to you when we''re at your place."


    As soon as he finished the words, he then walked to the door. I remained silent for a few moments, staring at his broad back that was getting farther away, before stepping after him from behind.


    Without showing me his face, I could tell that there was something he was hiding. Not that he didn''t want to tell me, but judging by the expression on his face that seemed to mean something, he seemed to be considering something.


    Probably, or was it me who was just guessing?


    In the front yard, a Bugatti Chiron parked gracefully. The car was pre-heated before Daehyun packed, so after we were already in it, Daehyun immediately sped the car on the frozen road.


    The car drove slowly, as usual when he drove it. I stared out of the window, while he focused on his vehicle.


    About five minutes along the road in silence, neither of us said anything. I, who had been waiting for him to speak, felt awkward about our current situation. The tip of my lips slightly lifted, was about to speak. However, before doing so, Daehyun with his deep voice cut through the air first, "Are you thinking of him?"


    "Is it every time you''re silent, you always think about him?" he asked as he kept focusing on the road in the edge of his eyes.


    I turned to Daehyun in the driver''s seat, staring at him in surprise. Without mentioning the name of the person he was referring to, I knew who this conversation was going to.


    Then, not wanting to talk about him, I emphasized, "I don''t think about anyone right now. But, should we talk about him right now? I don''t want to talk about him anymore. Last night was the last."


    A cold grin instantly lined the corners of his lips. "I don''t want you to keep silent like that. I just want you to talk about something. I was waiting for you to do it, but you just kept on silent."


    "Ah, that ... I was just about to talk, but you already did it."


    I swept my gaze forward and thought that I wouldn''t be the only one who was waiting for a conversation.


    "Ah, really? Then what do you want to talk about?" he asked.


    I sighed softly, then turned my gaze back to Daehyun. I asked him back, confused, "What should I talk about?"


    Daehyun didn''t turn his head, but his black eyes emitted a noble glint, soothing a light. I guessed he''s already in a good mood now.


    Not wanting to ruin his mood, I started to think. After finding something, I asked carefully, "Where did your family go then, twenty-two years ago?"


    Instantly he chuckled. One hand closed his mouth, while the other handheld the steering wheel, then spoke, "Are you still interested in asking things like that? Didn''t I also tell you the first time we met?"


    "I don''t remember." With a pause, I continued, "But, if you don''t want to talk about it, that''s fine."


    "We''re back in Ulsan." He sighed heavily before telling me, "My father was deceived by a foreign company at that time, so he brought his family back to Ulsan."


    I commented, "You were still ten then and you already knew such a thing?"


    He smiled, explained casually, "Of course. My father started introducing the business stuff a long time ago. And besides, I also often overheard his conversations with my mother."


    I smiled derisively, "It turns out that your family has also experienced difficulties. But, I believe, it wasn''t difficult for your family to solve the problem."


    "Heh, do you think my family earning money is as easy as picking leaves in my yard?" he chuckled again. "What''s more, when the Asian Financial Crisis occurred struck Asia a year after that, South Korea was one of the seven countries in Asia that felt the worst impact. It almost made my family go bankrupt."


    I nodded at the explanation, like a person who was being taught.

 Chapter 118 - Like A Forced Marriage

    "When the crisis occurred, many people decided to commit suicide because their businesses were destroyed. My father was even close to ...." Daehyun suddenly stopped before he finished his words.


    I asked curiously, "your father ... what?"


    The corners of Daehyun''s lips lifted, showing bitterness on his face. "He''s ... ah, no. Nothing ¡ª drop it ¡ª it doesn''t matter."


    His face also lost its pleasant expression. As if silenced by his own words, he clamped up. His attitude suddenly changed, made him look like a statue that didn''t have a single expression, yet still looked alive.


    Was it really bittersweet for him to recall?


    I, who was also silent beside him, turned my face out of the window, not wanting to force things he didn''t want to say, so that silence filled up along the way again.


    At this time, the car drove in silence as we were quiet in it. There was only the sound of the engine roaring on the road. Until Daehyun stretched out his hand, then put on the music to break the ice between us.


    As the music played, I tried to reconcile my thoughts with him, but it was useless. Daehyun seemed reluctant to do it. So, I just kept staring at the scenery out there and he focused on his car.


    Half an hour later, we arrived.


    Daehyun and I also walked towards the door. In front of the door, I immediately took out the key from my pocket, then opened the door.


    When the door opened, stuffy air and darkness greeted us immediately. Daehyun was about to step inside, but I shortly held him and asked him to wait for fresh air to seep into this dark room that looked stifling.


    After a while, then the two of us went inside and closed the door.


    We walked up the stairs. Daehyun, who was following me behind, suddenly said anxiously, "Chunghee, are you okay? You seem to have a hard time walking."


    Without turning my head, I replied, "I''m fine. My legs are just a little heavy."


    I smiled, lamenting my own words. Apart from deteriorating my eyesight, I also had more difficulty moving some of my limbs, especially my legs. I realized that soon I would be paralyzed.


    As soon as Daehyun heard my response, he immediately stepped beside me. "Then, rest in your room."


    I nodded in agreement. The suggestion he gave was a good thing for my current condition. There was nothing else I could do but lie down on the bed helplessly.


    When Daehyun opened the bedroom door, we both froze for a moment. The room atmosphere was still the same since we were last here, which was a bit messy, making us freeze before Daehyun spoke, "Um, Chunghee, you better come back downstairs. I''ll clean up this room first."


    I sighed softly. Almost all the time, Daehyun was the only one who did all the household chores. He cooked for me and cleaned the house. He took care of me like a helpless old man. So, since I felt that now that I was at my place, that was my turn to treat him well as a guest.


    I tried to deny his good intentions, "No need. I can do it. Besides, this room is also not that messy, though."


    "That''s right. And because of that, it didn''t take long to clean up. So you better get down and wait downstairs." He touched my arm gently and smiled. "Listen to me this time, okay?"


    Hearing his words, I agreed. I turned around and was about to go downstairs, but he suddenly exclaimed, "Chunghee, wait!"


    He took something out of his jacket pocket, then handed me a long-lost familiar thing. "Here, I forgot to give it to you."


    I felt dazed, and muttered softly, "The ring ...."


    I was about to take the ring on Daehyun''s fingers, but he immediately grasped the ring tightly into his fist as if he was reluctant to give it to me.


    I looked at him confusedly without a word.


    Daehyun felt his jacket pocket again, then immediately took out a blood-red ring box. He opened it and immediately revealed a pair of expensive silver rings with a small sparkle in the middle.


    Seeing the rings, I was suddenly shocked silently as if my blood had stopped right in my heart. I lifted my gaze, looked at Daehyun with mixed feelings. I could also feel my whole body start to shake.


    On the contrary, Daehyun looked at me with hope in his eyes. He touched my face, who was currently in a daze, and said, "I will return your ring if you want to put this ring on your finger."


    Even though Daehyun said his words gently, I could feel the threat in his sentence. "Put on this ring, I beg you," he said once again with a tone of sorrow.


    I lowered my gaze, stared at the ring for a while, asking in a deep voice, "Why do you have to return it if you want me to put on another ring? Why don''t you just throw it away?"


    He answered carefreely, "Because I feel that I need to show it to you."


    As soon as Daehyun finished his sentence, he took my hand, then put the ring on my ring finger very piously. While I could only watch how someone was putting a strange ring on my finger as if forcing me to marry him. I helplessly accepted it.


    After that, Daehyun handed me another ring that was still in the box and said, "Now, it''s your turn."


    The word "your turn" was clear enough where he wanted me to put the ring on his finger. He wanted to exchange rings with me like a couple who were getting married.


    Waiting a long time without any response from me, he begged, "Chunghee, please put it on my finger."


    I was stunned for a long time before my hand moved, took out the ring, then slowly put it on Daehyun''s finger.


    The deeper the ring was attached, the more devastated I felt.


    This wasn''t what I expected so far. I treated him well didn''t mean it had to end like this. In the past, I always watched news related to forced marriages, witnessed how some women were forced to marry a man her parents chose so that not a few of them committed suicide. I used to think that it was no big deal, and suicide was too much of a choice for a problem like this.


    However, now, I knew how it felt. When you were forced to marry someone you didn''t love, your heart felt broken to pieces. Now, I thought that suicide was the best choice.


    But, what could I do?


    Should I jump from a high place to drown in the crowd?


    Should I cut my veins?


    Or, should I stab my heart?


    By just imagining it, already made me feel more painful than cancer that I suffered.


    The ring was fully attached to Daehyun''s finger. His face immediately showed a smile, even his eyes were smiling cheerfully. He held my hand, rubbing the ring on my finger gently.


    I hung my head to hide my feelings, not daring to lift my face to look at Daehyun''s eyes. I said in a low voice, "Give me the ring back. I bought it with the money I earned for a year. I will lose if I have to throw it away."


    Hearing my words, Daehyun held out the ring right away.


    Cautiously, I grabbed the ring and looked at each side, turning it over to make sure it was really the ring I had considered a short while ago as a thing of the past.


    The silver color faded slightly but didn''t reduce the beautiful impression in it. As soon as I saw the name engraved on the other side, made me smile faintly. Either because I was glad to find it again or because I had to throw it away.


    Now, there''s no place on my finger for this ring. However, I also couldn''t throw it away. There were many beautiful memories that didn''t deserve to be forgotten in it.


    After a moment''s pause, I lifted my gaze, then asked, "Where did you find it?" Daehyun immediately replied, "I found it behind the bedside table when I picked up my card that fell."


    His sharp eyes were a reliable tracer when it came to finding things. The deeper he looked at me, the more things he knew.


    After staring at the ring for a moment, in a low voice, I muttered to myself, "You shouldn''t show it to me anymore ...."


    "I just don''t want you to accuse me of hiding the ring again. You can throw it away if you want," Daehyun replied indifferently.


    At first, I thought that only I would hear my own words. However, I realized that there was only me and Daehyun in this silence. It was impossible if he didn''t hear anything, it''s different if he pretended and stayed quiet. However, Daehyun was very straightforward, even giving comments.


    I didn''t give any response and immediately grasped the ring tightly, then turned around, and descended the stairs.


    This ring was too precious to throw away. I couldn''t possibly do that even though there was a lot of pain I had to endure.


    There was no reason to do something like that even though with our current relationship ¡ª even we would never be together like we used to be.

 Chapter 119 - Gods Plan Was Absolute And Unexpected!

    Downstairs, I sat on the worn sofa in the living room. I was still dazed in this place alone, in the shadows of gloom; wondering inwardly, why Daehyun became like this today. Usually, he would never do anything without my consent but now, he didn''t seem to care anything about my feelings. I was confused about why he suddenly gave this ring to me of a sudden.


    In the silence, a flash of white glint was caught my eyes. I squinted my eyes, then raised my hand slowly, spreading my fingers under the light. A white lamplight suddenly crept between my fingers, reflecting a rainbow of colors on this ring.


    A few moments later, I clenched my fists tightly as if grasping the light that had become gloomy in my heart, then lowered my hand, placing it in front of my body.


    I opened my other fist, looked at the ring that had tied around my finger for many years. Throughout the years of our relationship, I had never removed this ring from my finger no matter how angry, disappointed, hurt I was at that time.


    However, one day, I once felt distraught but it wasn''t as bad as now so I took it off. But, it''s only in a few days. The feeling of love that had grown rapidly over the years didn''t allow me to do it for too long.


    This ring was like a bridge between our hearts. So, once this thing was gone, then it was like the red string that bound our hearts was also broken, and would be difficult to tie them back as before.


    Now, I didn''t know what to do with this. I couldn''t possibly throw it away as I threw myself away like now. I could isolate myself and my feelings, but not with this thing.


    As I said, Daehyun shouldn''t give it back to me and just hide it or throw it away so that I could learn to forget my past. He should have let me suffer in forgetting someone and learn to get used to it.


    ''I feel that I need to show it to you.''


    Daehyun''s words suddenly flashed through my mind. I smiled weakly as I remembered the words, feeling that such simple words carried something like: ''Look at your ring one last time.''


    I had a bad feeling about this ...


    I shouldn''t have to hang on to my feelings for this outdated ring. My feelings were my feelings and this ring was just an ignorant thing that was considered sacred to two young men in the past until they had to separate.


    Then, why do I have to keep hanging my feelings on inanimate objects like this?


    No matter how much I dug deeper into the crumbling of my feelings, I would never find the answer, even turning this world upside down.


    I shook my head lightly and put the ring in my pocket, then tried to convince myself that the past relationship was delusional. No matter how much it hurt me, I would have to endure it for some time to come.


    Yeah, a little more ...


    This suffering wouldn''t be long ...


    One day, I would truly get free of all these difficulties.


    I took a deep breath, leaning back against the back of the sofa. Although I often spent my time doing nothing and well-rested, I kept feeling tired.


    I''m so tired ...


    "Chunghee."


    Daehyun called me from the second floor. Looking up near the stairs, Daehyun was talking up there, "Don''t you want to walk around here?"


    I shook my head quietly in response to refuse.


    "Hmm, alright then," Daehyun said, as he walked down the stairs.


    Once he was downstairs, he sat beside me, showing his usual smile. He asked, "Do you want to eat something?"


    I shook my head again slowly in response.


    "Then, what do you want to eat?" he asked again.


    Hearing many questions he kept asking, I turned my head sideways without saying anything.


    He frowned, and asked in surprise, "What''s wrong?"


    Taking a deep breath, I asked what I should have asked in the first place. "Why did you give this ring?"


    However, after waiting for a while, Daehyun didn''t even say anything. He only showed a face that revealed he deserved to do it without regretting anything.


    From the start I couldn''t accept this completely, so I couldn''t help but convince him by explaining, "Daehyun, look, I can''t accept anything from you yet. I ... I''m still hurt by someone."


    "But, it''s me!" Daehyun tried to convince me, "I would never do something like that. Never! If you think that I will leave you one day, then you are wrong."


    "How do you know? Nobody knows what will happen in the future."


    "Because I''ve seen you suffer and I can''t let you feel like that all the time," he answered confidently.


    Hearing his words, I smiled bitterly. Looking at him for a moment, I asked, "Then, how many people have you slept with out there?"


    Daehyun''s face suddenly turned confused. He was stunned to hear the question that might sound weird to him. He then asked in surprise, "Why do you ask that?"


    "Just answer my question."


    Silent for a few seconds, he answered in a low voice that sounded doubtful, "Not many."


    The answer amazed me a little. I thought that he would reply by words that he never slept with anyone but me, and apparently, he could be more honest than Donghwa.


    But, still, showing a bitter smile, I asked again, "Really? Can you guarantee that I will be the one for you?"


    "Yes! I''ll never look for another person." With a pause, he added, "I''ve wanted you all this time. Then, how can I look for someone else after finding someone I love? That''s no way!"


    I shook my head slowly. "Daehyun, look, he also said the same and promised me a lot. But, you can see now, right? I''ve passed five years in ten years of our relationship to love each other; for two years I felt the change of him gradually; and for three years, I used the years to endure and kept hoping that our relationship could still be maintained. But, what do I gain? I can''t possibly end up here with you if I get good things out of it."


    "...."


    Taking a breath in silence, I continued, "Now, I''m sick from being hurt too many times. I can''t waste another ten years on the same result. I want to be alone ¡ª to spend the rest of my life alone ¡ª you shouldn''t be here either."


    As soon as I finished my words, he immediately hugged me tightly. "The results won''t be the same. trust me." He paused for a moment before continuing, "It''s okay if you can''t accept me yet. But, I''ll never leave you alone ¡ª never."


    Hearing that, I slowly returned his hug. I said in a hushed voice, "I want to be free where there is no love that presses me in a relationship. I ended my relationship with Donghwa because I was tired of a love affair. I want to be alone. That''s all."


    Unfortunately, Daehyun didn''t want to hear what I said and keep trying to convince me that the way I chose was wrong. "No. Being alone isn''t the best way to solve your problem. I also didn''t say that with me you will recover from the pain. But, I just want you to slowly forget what you should have forgotten. What about this offer?"


    "Daehyun, why are you so stubborn?"


    "Because if I didn''t act like that, I would have left you a long time ago."


    After his words, we fell into a long silence.


    Until he let go of his embrace and said to change the subject, "I''m going to go out to buy rice and make porridge for you. I won''t be long, okay?"


    Finishing his sentence, he immediately stood up, then headed to the second floor to pick up something.


    As soon as Daehyun went up to the second floor, suddenly the sound of the knocking door could be heard from outside. My attention was immediately drawn to the door, which was knocked, with a frown. I stared at the door for a moment before getting up to open the door.


    However, who I saw surprised me twice as much as Daehyun''s words just now. I was immediately shocked and froze without a word as if my whole body went numb, even my blood seemed to stop flowing all of a sudden.


    After the door was half-opened, there was a man I had not seen for a month. The man who was once an important person in my life was standing straight and looking surprised in front of me. Like a dream, he was here without me preparing myself!


    I never expected to see him one more time and I never wanted this moment to happen at all. After all, what happened today wasn''t something that I ever thought about previously.


    However, God''s plan was absolute and unexpected!


    What should I do ...

 Chapter 120 - Fierce Fight! (1)

    Why is he here all of a sudden?


    How does he know I''m here?


    The questions gradually gathered like water overflowing in my head, made my mind fill up with many thoughts, as if it was going to spit out many words of hatred that had been petrifying over the years.


    God truly had other wills and I had absolutely didn''t know anything that was behind our lines of destiny.


    I was not a pious person but usually, I would always be grateful for everything. However, it was different from this moment where I really couldn''t be grateful for anything.


    Didn''t I say that I no longer wanted to meet him even if it was just a second?


    But God didn''t care anymore how I screamed ¡ª How every cell in my heart begged not to be mourned by the pain of this kind of encounter ¡ª but no one would listen.


    In the past, I always waited for him to return home every night in solitude and uncertainty until I thought that I was quite familiar with the loneliness. I didn''t know how much time I had spent doing that, even I could still hear the chuckling of the clock at midnight, laughing at my foolishness to wait for someone who didn''t even give me certainty.


    However, now, after running away from all this pain and expecting nothing more from him, why did this figure have to arrive at the door?


    God''s plan was indeed the most perfect thing.


    I was still stunned in disbelief and began to think something insane. I wanted God to take my life this second instead of seeing his face right now!


    I want to die ...


    It''s better to die ...


    Words that even a sane person would never say.


    But, I really wanted to die.


    I froze in silence, staring at the figure standing right in front of me with my eyes widened open. I never expected to face a moment like this and didn''t expect it to happen here, made my heart scream because of the trauma it had experienced continuously due to a belief I once believed.


    My heart had swallowed disappointment too many times, one more disappointment would make it die, or even already die?


    I don''t want to see him again ...


    But why...


    Why does this have to happen now?


    I didn''t blink a bit until I felt my tear glands as if they were going to burst so that the beads of tears would burst out like an explosion of joy being crushed. But, I tried hard to hold myself from crying.


    Over time, I could feel the cold sweat on my back flowing down as shock rose inside my heart, made my whole body tremble violently.


    I eyed his face. His two eyes widened with his lips slightly parted. He couldn''t hide his surprised look, emitting a relief that made his face burn with enthusiasm.


    On the other hand, he was also looking at me. It was those damn eyes again, which made me feel as if I was the only person he saw and still loved the way he used to, and made me suffer the way I was today. The color of his eyes turned bright as he looked at me in the past. By those eyes, I could see how much his love from the past was now blooming like flowers in early spring.


    As if buffeted by the spring breeze, a line of smiles pulled the corners of his lips upwards, forming a bright crescent moon. Then, unexpectedly, he suddenly pulled my arm deep enough, and in the blink of an eye, I was already in the embrace of the two strong arms that had once been my shelter as well as a place where to torment me, made me sink into joy and sorrow that became one like great distress on my chest.


    Being in his broad chest, I smelled Chypre''s scent in a black coat he wore ¡ª a familiar old scent ¡ª which seemed to merge into every cell of my lungs ¡ª I felt nostalgic with memories.


    For a moment, I felt very comfortable and familiar in his arms. Tears nearly welled up in my eyes as memories flashed by, and subconsciously muttered, "Donghwa ...."


    "Chunghee ... my Chunghee ...."


    He kept saying my name as if the only word in his head was my name. There was a deep pain in his voice that sounded suppressed as if choked with sobs.


    I could hear the suffocating cry that was about to leave his pounding chest.


    "Chunghee ... I came to take you home."


    In this situation, I was still in a daze. However, as soon as I heard the words as if I was electrocuted by a high voltage. I suddenly gasped like a man who had just been pulled when he was about to sink into a sea of ??rotten memories. The familiar scent on his body almost made me fall asleep that carried many stories with him.


    I started struggling to escape!


    "Let go of me! Let go!"


    I tried to push his body hard; tried to remove his hands that were getting tighter and tighter on my body, but it was just a futile act.


    He was too strong for me, plus my position that was clamped tightly in his two arms made it impossible for me to easily break free.


    His voice trembled and there were painful sobs as soon as he spoke, "Chunghee, stop playing around, come back with me ... I''ve been waiting for you for a long time, so I beg you, come home with me now."


    As soon as he finished his sentence, he slightly loosened his embrace, but still gripped my arms firmly while staring into my eyes.


    I stared at him in silence. fortunately, I managed to stand and didn''t shed tears in vain.


    Something in my heart quickly disappeared. I was so grateful that the feeling of love steadfast, silly, stupid, unshakable, disappeared from my heart when I remembered how he used to treat me like the only one who had betrayed our relationship.


    Has he forgotten how cruel he was and now he''s come to ask me back home with him?


    I wondered, ''Will he be able to heal the hurt he has given him over the years by coming back with him?''


    Did he think that all of this could be fixed by living together one more time?


    Suddenly, Donghwa grabbed my wrist, then pulled me forcefully towards the car where Hoonsik was standing there with a dumbfounded look.


    With great effort, I refused and tried to hold my body. I knew that right now, he didn''t fully use his strength to drag me away, but that could be called his mistake.


    Unexpectedly, Daehyun came from behind my back. He immediately pushed Donghwa so hard that he staggered back a few steps, then fell on the snow. Daehyun immediately pulled me inside the house and locked the door.


    I was shocked, but couldn''t do anything about it.


    Instinctively, my body was about to move to help Donghwa, but I didn''t have a chance to do it because Daehyun pulled me tight.


    My body was bony, so as soon as Daehyun pulled my arm with great force all of a sudden as if made my arms feel was going to be cut off.


    While inside, Donghwa continuously shouted behind the door while banging hard on the door, as if he was about to destroy it.


    "Daehyun! You bastard! Open the door!" Donghwa shouted out there.


    I stared at the door that was shaking from being banged hard before turning my eyes to Daehyun who looked unapologetic. Then, in disbelief, I stammered, "Wh-why did you do that? You ... you don''t have to push him that hard."


    Donghwa was still shouting out there, cursing Daehyun with all kinds of words for upsetting him, so loudly, even his voice could be heard clearly in this room.


    However, by pretending to ignore him, I tried to remain calm and seriously looked at Daehyun who was still on the same expression.


    "Isn''t it what I should be doing?" he said, striking. His shady face suddenly turned ruthless, without a hint of guilt.


    Slowly, I lowered my gaze. Indirectly, the words offended me, who shouldn''t have to worry about how he would treat Donghwa as he pleased.


    Maybe he''s right. I didn''t need to worry no matter how he acted and how he could make Donghwa away from me. That''s because I often said that I didn''t have any feelings for Donghwa anymore.


    But ...


    Do I always look weak and merciful like this or maybe quite stupid to make a decision?


    Or it could be the feeling that is still in my chest starting to overflow again?


    To be honest, I couldn''t see Donghwa being treated like that right in front of my eyes. It might not be appropriate to say, but I felt sorry. The feeling of being unwilling could only sink into my helpless situation.


    All I could do was just lowered my head and swallow up all the words I couldn''t convey!

 Chapter 121 - Fierce Fight! (2)

    Donghwa''s voice sounded annoyed beyond the door as he kept calling out my name constantly. He was heard banging on the door so the loud shouting of him almost drowned out by the sound of the banging door.


    Meanwhile, I was standing in front of the door limply. I could only be stunned, unable to do anything when I heard Donghwa cursing harshly, "Kim! Open the door, you bastard! What''s your business, huh?! You are shameless! What exactly are you planning to do!?! Let me take Chunghee home. Open the damn door now!"


    However, Daehyun kept looking at me deeply, pretending not to hear anything without a word, so no one could tell how his mood by that expression. He didn''t even look irritated, so no one knew how he would act.


    He might be angry, but the calmness on his face managed to completely hide his feelings.


    He was indeed an expert at covering up his feelings. He was also an expert in knowing other people''s feelings. It was so unfair when I realized that he had the strengths.


    Lowering my head, I felt helpless when I had to face a situation like this. The dilemma got me couldn''t decide something for sure.


    Daehyun slowly lifted my chin so that revealing a look that I was trying to hide from him; which looked pathetic at the moment. However, a second after our eyes met in a long gap, I immediately looked away as his deep eyes were the most dangerous threat, made me nervous to stare at him any longer.


    However, Daehyun touched my face again, as if forcing me to stare into his eyes that were getting darker, without a single emotion at the glint that flashed through them.


    Daehyun''s jaw started to tighten, showing that there was something he was trying to suppress inside of him. He then revealed, "This is why I don''t want you to come back here."


    His voice was gentle. However, the gentleness in it was the most terrible I had ever heard.


    While I could only remain silent without a word, didn''t dare to say something.


    Then, unexpectedly, he was about to snatch a kiss away from me, but when his warm breath touched the skin on my face, reflexively made me quickly dodge.


    I didn''t dare to see his face. However, By the corner of my eye, still didn''t describe any emotion in it, looking flat as if he was born carrying no emotion in him.


    In my mind, there were many questions that arose at the same time, but they all just kept circling my head like a tornado ravaging my mind. It made things even more complicated without a single way out to escape.


    What is he thinking?


    In a situation like this, he wanted to do something like that?


    Was he really going to kiss me?


    How could he have thought of that?


    What''s more, Donghwa was out there shouting and cursing him with many harsh words at him.


    How could I do something like that?


    In this situation ... what was he really thinking?


    Where did he find the mood to do something like that?


    Daehyun didn''t show any expression on his face yet, but his demeanor was completely unexpected, or even unusual?!


    A few moments later, a line of cold smiles etched on his face. Instantly I could see how an aura of hostility was spreading out like an intense sting through my heart.


    He spoke in a low voice, "I''ll talk to Lee."


    His deep voice was even more terrifying than the voice of Donghwa who was cursing outside. In this context, Daehyun was the only one that worried me the most now.


    Daehyun continued in a commanding tone, "I''ll talk to him. Go up to your room now and lock the door."


    I was dumbfounded by his words, leaving me speechless.


    He smirked coldly, then said again, "So, do you want to stay here and watch us talking, or do you want to go up to your room? It all depends on you. But, if you choose to stay here, I can''t guarantee that you will feel comfortable hearing our conversation later."


    Two choices described something bad. I knew that their conversation wouldn''t be what I wanted it to be. That wouldn''t be like a conversation between colleagues but an enemy.


    But, I couldn''t decide yet. I was still in a daze.


    Until Daehyun emphasized, "Alright then, go upstairs. I can''t concentrate if you''re here."


    "...."


    "Go!"


    When Daehyun emphasized that one word, my body immediately moved. I went upstairs immediately, went to my room, and locked the door.


    As soon as I closed the door, their arguing voices began to be heard from downstairs. Donghwa could be heard saying various striking words, but Daehyun wasn''t inferior to his oppressive words.


    Both of them were condescending to each other. I could hear it clearly from here.


    They both are really crazy!


    I kept walking forward towards the bed with a blank stare. As I was there, I pulled my ring out of my pocket, looking at it for a moment before placing it on the bedside table.


    After that, I took off my coat, then curled up beside the bed while covering my ears with two hands. I didn''t want to hear the voices of them cursing at each other.


    Without realizing it, my pajamas was wet with tears that trickled down unexpectedly, yet I let my tears flow as they wished, leaving this narrow, dark, gloomy, and lifeless room a witness to how cruel the reality I had to face was.


    The things that I had been suppressing all the time, seemed to have appeared one by one like they were driving me insane.


    I didn''t even remember how I rushed up to this place; how I talked to Daehyun; and how I felt when I met Donghwa; all of them made me dazed.


    Everything that had just happened was like a dream in my sleep, but permanent in my head, and the pain was felt real and really painful.


    Moments when they both argued, the sound of slamming the door sounded quite loud. I immediately lifted my head in a startle. In my mind, Daehyun had managed to kick him out of this house and made me sigh in relief.


    Donghwa had already left and we wouldn''t see each other again. My breath was a little short, but this was the best way for us.


    My body was trembling slightly. I stood up and walked towards the window to see the situation. I pulled the curtain, then peeked through the window. However, what I saw made my forehead wrinkle without realizing it.


    They both were still arguing out there. Apparently, they came out just so I wouldn''t hear their conversation. The faces of them were cold and there was nothing pleasant between them. The index fingers pointed at each other and their fists clenched tightly as if ready to be used at any time.


    I stared at Daehyun for a moment, his face was still calm even though his eyebrows were almost fused. How could he be that calm? As for Donghwa, the redness colored his angry face. Full of tantrums with lips that were babbling something.


    He always talked a lot, though.


    No matter what they were arguing about, there was only a faint, indistinct voice. From my position up here, I could only watch them who seemed to be getting more thermal.


    Watching them, a thought suddenly crossed my mind. I was wondering, ''So, all this time Donghwa has been looking for me? So, he came to this place to look for me?


    Heh ... apparently, he still remembers me as well as this place ...


    Previously, I thought that he had forgotten that I had ever brought him here once ...


    I smiled weakly. A thought that was almost lost returned into my mind. I also used to take him to my parent''s grave and still remember how he promised in front of my parent''s grave that he would never hurt me in the future.


    Does he still remember that?


    Somehow, that thought made me slowly relax. Everything seemed obvious now that he had forgotten his promise, so I didn''t have to worry about anything anymore.


    My tears kept rolling down my face. Even with blurred vision, I tried hard to eyed Donghwa from a distance, seeing him for the last time.


    I should feel glad about this separation, but the more I imagine the reality that we would face soon, where we would go our own way, made me feel even more painful. It hurt so much.


    I covered my mouth with my hand, holding back my voice that was already shaking in my throat, about to shout his name.


    Looking at them, I wanted to intervene, but there was nothing I could do but stand and watch them down there like a helpless idiot.


    However, without realizing it, Donghwa accidentally glanced at the window where I was standing watching him so that makes me startled.


    Our eyes met in surprise!


    This is not unexpected. He seemed to have a detection device, always finding a point wherever I was hiding.

 Chapter 122 - Fierce Fight! (3)

    He seemed to have a detection device on his body so he always found a spot wherever I was hiding.


    Feeling caught off guard, I hurriedly closed the curtains. My heart was beating loudly like screaming for help. I could even hear each time it beat and feel it as if it was about to explode from a terrible tribulation.


    In that instant, the sound of the door slamming sounded so loudly, took me by surprise. I immediately turned my gaze to the bedroom door which was closed anxiously. Feelings of fear, worry, confusion, began to creep everywhere, flowing through my blood that was flowing profusely.


    In the silence, the sound of footsteps chasing each other, as my heartbeat accelerated. I didn''t know if the commotion came from the sound of both of them outside or whether the beat of my heart was pounding. My head couldn''t distinguish the two things with certainty.


    "Chunghee! Let''s go home!" Donghwa shouted, saying the same thing over and over again.


    However, I stayed silent inside the room, biting my lip so as not to retaliate. I didn''t want to be the obedient person for him like I used to be and didn''t even want to come back to him anymore. I used to indulge my feelings, the result was excruciating pain out of the betrayer.


    His presence wasn''t something I expected at this point either.


    Suddenly with a "bang!", a sudden silence enveloped the whole house. The noise of them wasn''t heard behind the door again as if I was living alone in this rotten world. I winced in confusion, wondering about what was going on out there. Then, curiosity made me step slowly towards the door.


    Once I stood right in front of the door, I didn''t open it immediately and fused into the silence while waiting for someone to say a word behind the door. However, it''s almost a minute had passed, but none of them had yet made a voice. Now, this silence made me feel more and more anxious.


    While waiting for a while, there was the sound of knocking on the door along with a deep, familiar voice. "Chunghee, open the door, I beg of you ...." There was a plea in his hoarse voice. "I want you to come back ¡ª come home with me. I knew that I was wrong. I''m really sorry. Please, forgive me. I beg you."


    I was suddenly taken aback, frowning. That voice was Donghwa''s voice.


    ''Then, where is Daehyun?''


    He couldn''t possibly let Donghwa go up here or even touch the door, could he? This question popped up in my head first than having to respond to nonsense from someone who was trying so hard to persuade me. I didn''t want to care about him anymore.


    "Chunghee, I beg you, open the door, please. I want to see you ¡ª let me see you ¡ª I miss you so much ¡ª we also have to talk about this matter. I beg you," Donghwa asked the same thing repeatedly behind the door. His voice sounded very gentle, as he used to ask me gently if he wanted something.


    I''m sick of all that.


    "Chunghee, say something, I beg you, let me hear your voice ...."


    In a simple context, talking to Donghwa was something that I wanted to avoid the most. However, the anxiety was completely beyond my expectations. I never thought that this feeling would make me break a rule of myself. Then, with difficulty, I asked, "Where''s Daehyun?"


    For a few seconds, Donghwa was silent behind the door before he spoke with tears of emotion, "Chunghee, Chunghee ... your voice ... finally I can hear your voice too, I''m happy ... very happy."


    Without caring, I took a silent breath and then asked him again, "Where is he?"


    He fell silent again, then suddenly sneered, "Why are you looking for him? He''s been trying to separate us all this time. Don''t look for that bastard."


    Paused, I thought about Donghwa''s words about "he''s trying to separate us". If that''s true, then it''s not quite right. Daehyun just needed to do what he''s supposed to do. All this time I always raved about my relationship with Donghwa and said that I didn''t want to return to him anymore. When I compared to the word "separate", it would be more appropriate if Daehyun just "prevented".


    Outside the door, Donghwa spoke incessantly as if he really felt the pain of losing me, "I''m here ... I''ve wanted to see you ... don''t you miss me? Open the door, I beg you. Chunghee, I beg you."


    Not getting an answer, I raised my voice slightly to emphasize the question once again, "Where''s Daehyun?"


    However, instead of giving me an answer, Donghwa, who had always been an individualist person, would never care about things that went against what he wanted to.


    I almost forgot the injustice.


    He emphasized, "Chunghee, if you don''t open the door, I''ll break this door." There was a threat to his words.


    Donghwa''s words sounded convincing. His voice was flat yet cold, mixed with a commanding firmness.


    However, I seemed immovable and became a rebel. I used to always be obedient and now there was no more "obedient Chunghee".


    Because Donghwa was an impulsive and impatient person, he started banging on the door from outside, trying to open it pushy.


    At first, I could still ignore it but gradually, he became more and more brutal as if he was about to destroy the door. So, immediately I opened the door.


    I did that not because Donghwa''s words seemed threatening or scared me, but I didn''t want him to destroy any property in this house apart from worrying about Daehyun.


    As soon as the door opened, something suddenly came into my heart. I felt like I was on the line between loving and hating, all of which made me feel like shedding tears.


    In front of me, a stout figure was standing where I couldn''t tell whether he had come bearing wounds or affection from the past. He looked surprised, then immediately smiled broadly with teary eyes.


    A few seconds later, his browny eyes that looked cold radiated an early summer cheer. He smiled gently like a man in the past that I love the most, revealing how much he loved me. Looking at me, made his stern face emitted a familiar warmth, which I missed every moment when I still chose to stick with him.


    Then, suddenly, Donghwa tugged at my waist. In that instant, I was already in the arms of his broad chest and was getting narrower as his tight and deep embrace seemed to make me entangled in the memories of the past that was both bitter and sweet.


    It was different in our previous situation. When I was in his arms this time, I could consciously feel his clear perfume and a faint smell of tobacco on his dark coat. There was a feeling of nostalgia that seemed to slap my face and tell me that I missed this scent for a long time.


    I froze in this sensation.


    However, the other side of me suddenly awakened me from this nostalgic feeling, made me almost scream, "Let me go, then get out of here. I don''t want to see you anymore."


    After hearing my words, I could feel him startle silently as if his heart had stopped beating for a short time. He said deeply, "I don''t want to. I''m afraid you will leave me again."


    "I said let me go!" This time I shouted.


    Donghwa froze instantly. He took a deep breath before finally, he freed my body from his strong arms.


    After all, being merciful would only get me caught up in the pain of the same betrayal.


    I didn''t want that to happen one more time. I had felt it enough for the umpteenth time to make a deep trauma in my heart.


    My stupidity had made me fall into the same heartache.


    I was trying to be tough when I said my sentence, "Leave now! I don''t want to see you!"


    Looking into his eyes, I was thinking of something silently. His gaze was completely different since we last parted as if he was the one who had suffered the most so far and purposely shown me to be the one who caused him to suffer all this time.


    I had not shown any reaction yet, trying to look as calm as I could. Until, when I saw Daehyun walking up the stairs while holding his bleeding nose, I reflexively pushed Donghwa''s body aside and rushed over to Daehyun. With great shock, I exclaimed, "Daehyun, what happened? Why is your nose bleeding?"


    Smiling, Daehyun wiped the blood seeping out of his nose. Then, slowly sweeping his gaze towards Donghwa who looked displeased behind me, then spoke, "Why don''t you just ask him? He''s the one who did this to me."


    Hearing Daehyun''s words, I was immediately shocked. I didn''t expect that Donghwa would be so violent that he didn''t use his brain to think that what he just did was criminalized.


    I was silenced with disbelief even though I clearly knew that Donghwa was indeed a person who could not use his common sense when he was angry or wanted something.

 Chapter 123 - Fierce Fight (4)

    I was stunned for a moment, realizing how stupid he would be to do that without using his brain first. I felt like berating him, scolding him, but on the other hand, I also felt that I no longer had the right to do that.


    I carefully turned around, looked at Donghwa who was standing behind my back with a frown. His lips parted slightly, looked tense, and the pink color on them faded to be pale. However, By the line on his face, he still didn''t want to be blamed and started to show me a manipulative face.


    I painstakingly assembled word by word on my tongue until it came to a question, and asked in a trembling voice slightly with anger, "What have you done to him?"


    "Chunghee ...." Donghwa clenched his fists tightly. Of course, there was jealousy in his eyes that he was trying to suppress. Grinding his teeth, he tried to defend himself, "He got in my way when I wanted to see you, so I only pushed him a little. But, he deserved it because he forced me to!"


    He excused like a child who didn''t want to admit that he was wrong. It felt like I wanted to laugh at it, but sadly, I had forgotten how to laugh at something.


    I walked towards him slowly, then ...


    Slap!


    The loud sound when a palm hit the skin instantly shook the air. Everyone fell silent as soon as I landed a heavy slap on Donghwa''s face, even the wind was silent in the silence among the three of us.


    I had wanted to do this for a long time, but my love for him was more than anything in this world so I never had the heart to do it, even if he hurt my heart even more. But, letting him kept oppressiving me all this time, made him even wilder, and did arbitrary things, where I even had to endure all the humiliation and the intense torment.


    I was sure that other people would divorce their husbands immediately if they kept pressuring in their household was over the years. However, unlike me, I chose to stand and wait for his love for me to return intactly as he used to see me as the only one he saw and the only one in his heart.


    However, he always tried to test me; how patient I was; how much did I love him; how long could I stay with him. I endured the pain and proved everything by patching up the wounds and wasting lots of tears. But, one day, the time came when I truly reached my limit, where there were no more wounds to heal and tears that couldn''t be contained.


    He shouldn''t need to chase me back because he was the one who made me left.


    In the past, I always saw him with lots of cheerful colors but now, I could only see the two remaining colors in him, which were black and white.


    I thought that he would keep coloring my life until our hair started to turn grey. However, when we had just entered our old age, everything was crushed like a relationship that was just built and still very fragile.


    Clenching my fists at my sides, I felt startled at first, then gradually felt better as if a quarter of my wounds had started to heal. Meanwhile, Donghwa and Daehyun were silent for a long time.


    A few seconds later, Donghwa suddenly let out a hollow laugh. "You slapped me just to defend him?"


    "You deserve it," I replied calmly.


    Actually, I felt like my heart was so messed up, but I never thought that I could say something so calm like saying, "Look, the weather is so bright today."


    Donghwa sneered, "Heh, alright then, since he''s been taking care of you all this time, I will think of this as something worth it. I don''t want a clingy young master like him to collect a debt to me any time. After taking you away, I don''t want to have anything to do with that bastard again."


    "What the fuck are you saying?!" Of course, Daehyun who heard the words got furious instantly as he felt he was being humiliated.


    Daehyun was about to step forward to teach him a lesson, but I quickly stopped him, holding his body from moving.


    I held his hand, trying to calm him who started showing a fit of anger in his eyes.


    Daehyun smiled, and the atmosphere among us suddenly grew colder. I could feel the strong currents from the two directions that couldn''t merge, which made the air pressure in this room feel stifling.


    Ignoring Daehyun, Donghwa kept persuading me by the words, "Chunghee, let''s go home. I promise I will never scold you again. If you want me to always accompany you at home, then I will tell Hoonsik to run the company. I promise. I swear." His voice was very gentle, trembling slightly as if the words were straight from his aching heart.


    I looked at him deeply, hoping that what he just said could happen one day. However, disappointment had blinded and sunk me into darkness. I forgot how to get to the surface when I reached the bottom.


    After that, I turned to look at Daehyun behind me, looking at him with the pathetic eyes that I always showed him. It never changed even though how often I tried to plant seeds of love that never even grew in my heart.


    My old feelings for him were truly dead and as soon as I wanted to plant the seeds, the land in my heart was so barren and dry that nothing could grow in it.


    "Chunghee, come back to me, I beg you ...," Donghwa begged me again.


    Hearing his words, I turned my head towards him. I thought about them, considering the good and the bad about both of them. Until finally, I decided on something, which even I didn''t believe would choose this path.


    I turned around and immediately fell into Daehyun''s arms, drowning my face as if drowning myself in the flowing water, letting myself be carried away by the current.


    I could feel Daehyun tighten his embrace as if he just got a treasure that was once lost and didn''t want to lose it again.


    Seeing me choosing someone else right in front of him, Donghwa must have felt unacceptable. He immediately shouted furiously, "Chunghee, what the hell are you doing?! Why are you even going by his side?! Come over here right now!"


    After he finished his sentence, he was heard stepping closer so Daehyun immediately turned my body so that I was behind his strong back.


    Donghwa, who couldn''t hold back was about to pull me away, but Daehyun immediately grabbed his wrist quite firmly. He said coldly, "We shouldn''t fight in front of him. I could have beat you up earlier if only Chunghee isn''t here."


    Hearing about this, Donghwa slowly began to relax his hardened facial muscles so Daehyun let go of his wrist when he felt that Donghwa was no longer threatening.


    Donghwa was silent for a while like a person who was in the daze before he shifted his eyes towards me who was standing behind Daehyun''s back. He said gently, "Chunghee, I''m sorry. I was wrong. It has always been my fault. Please give me one more chance to fix everything. I beg you." While saying, he held out his hand for me.


    However, I turned my face away to the side, ignoring his words indifferently.


    "Chunghee ...."


    Not giving any response, Daehyun suddenly interrupted. His voice sounded gentle, cold, and deep, revealing a strong mysterious aura. However, once he finished his sentence, I felt like I was going to get havoc.


    "You want to talk to him, don''t you?" Daehyun asked.


    Hearing the question, I immediately looked at Daehyun who was turning his back to me in surprise. I wanted to interrupt, but Donghwa spoke up first, "You already know, then what do you want?"


    I didn''t see Daehyun''s face right now, but it could be heard from his voice that he must be showing a mocking face.


    "Why?! Do you want me to kneel at your feet?!" Donghwa shouted impatiently.


    However, Daehyun suddenly said things I never expected before.


    "Yes, I will give you that chance if you kneel before me as you did back then."


    Surprised, I immediately turned my eyes to Daehyun. I gripped his arm, hoping it was just nonsense of him to ask Donghwa to leave. "Daehyun, what did you just say? After all, I¡ª"


    However, before I finished my sentence, Daehyun immediately interrupted me by asking Donghwa to urge him to answer, ignoring my words. "Are you going to do it or not?"


    I kept whining behind his back, "Daehyun, what are you saying? I don''t want to talk to him anymore."


    As Daehyun didn''t give an answer and even ignored me who was almost going crazy beside him, I shifted my eyes towards Donghwa in front of me. His jaws began to tighten and his fists clenched tightly. He really tried hard not to explode, holding back the overwhelming emotions.


    Two seconds passed, Donghwa suddenly gave a surprising answer, "Alright."

 Chapter 124 - A One-sided Decision!

    I looked at them and felt absentminded for a while. Until Donghwa said sarcastically again, "Heh, you must expect me to say that, right? You''re a con man." He paused for a moment, then shifted his gaze to look at me before he continued in a warning tone, "Chunghee, don''t get close to him. He''s not a good person. He''s not as good as you think. Trust me!"


    Before I responded, Daehyun interrupted, "Heh, I mean it, you know. But, still, it''s up to you."


    As soon as Daehyun finished his words, he glanced at me. The cold smile he had shown to Donghwa earlier gradually became gentler as he saw me.


    "Daehyun, don''t do that, please." I tried to convince him by begging him.


    However, Daehyun seemed indifferent and immediately turned his face back towards Donghwa who was standing in front of us.


    The silence lasted quite long that I could feel the tension between both of them. The atmosphere of hostility was terrifying. I could feel it in my blood.


    By this situation, I immediately realized that Donghwa must have come to Daehyun and talk to him. I was sure that they must have argued like this a lot or maybe got into fights, but Daehyun always kept it hidden from me. It might be also the reason why Daehyun looked like he was carrying a lot of burdens when he came home.


    In the silence, Donghwa''s voice was suddenly cut off, "Keep your word or I won''t hesitate to do something more unexpected to you. Keep that in your mind."


    After Donghwa said this, the most impossible thing happened. Donghwa slowly began to bend his knees to kneel on the floor with both feet while lowering his head for a while before he lifted his face, showing how his facial muscles looked tense from holding back a fit of anger.


    However, even though he was forced, I, who felt disbelief could only be silent without a word as I watched the person who always had that stubborn and disobedient impression would do something like that.


    As far as I knew, Donghwa was a person who didn''t want to hear other people''s words, especially if those words were mocking or even insulting his pride. But, what I saw in front of me was something beyond my expectations, leaving me dumbfounded in startle.


    This was completely impossible if I tried to think about it using common sense.


    The rhythm of my heart, which had returned to normal previously, was now back to be irregular. Slowing down and faster, exceeding the tempo it should be, made my chest filled with something abstract that made it tight. I tried desperately to get my lungs working by inhaling as much air as I could so I wouldn''t pass out.


    Looking at Donghwa, Daehyun gave a cold grin. He said, "You must know that I won''t accept any plea without you saying it directly from your mouth." There was mockery in the words.


    Hearing Daehyun''s words, Donghwa looked furious, showing his eyes that were sharp full of hatred, which didn''t look friendly and delighted at those words of command.


    However, even so, sacrifice forced him to humiliate himself.


    Suddenly I felt sorry in my heart and felt bad, sensing the feelings that shouldn''t even exist within me anymore.


    However, being unable to do anything, I could only remain silent without a word as soon as I witnessed something beyond my sanity.


    Gritting his teeth, Donghwa said, "I beg you, let me talk to him."


    Donghwa, who had acted like a roaring lion, now had become a meowing cat. Without guts and being very obedient.


    I looked at him with pity, but couldn''t do anything, not even to speak.


    Currently, I was standing in the most difficult situation. If God gave me the option of death, then I would choose to die right now.


    Daehyun''s gaze was far from friendly, I knew that he''s just playing with him. Grinning coldly with an antagonistic attitude, he spoke but it was something I didn''t want to hear.


    "Alright then, I''ll give you twenty-four hours to talk to him. After that, get out of here. But, don''t try to take him away in this chance. Let him make his own decisions."


    My eyes suddenly widened open, staring at Daehyun with a clear surprise in my eyes!


    As soon as Daehyun finished his words, he turned towards me who was stunned behind his back. He touched my arms gently, revealing a smile while saying, "This is your chance to choose. If you decide to come back to him, then I will never interfere with your relationship. And if you choose me, then you have to follow me wherever I go."


    Finishing his sentence, he kissed my forehead affectionately. With a glance, my eyes accidentally caught Donghwa''s expression that seemed to be trying hard to suppress his anger.


    Since a long time ago, he had always been possessive just so that no one would glance at me. He didn''t even want someone to touch me.


    However, at this time, he had just witnessed how someone else kissed a person he had been trying to protect all this time.


    Meanwhile, Daehyun was about to leave. But, before he took a step, Donghwa, who was already standing in front of us, shouted, "You! I''ve done that stupid thing and you even gave me a time limit?"


    Daehyun casually replied, "That''s kind enough. Don''t make me change my mind. Talk to him and persuade him whatever you want. If he chooses you, then take him away. However, if he doesn''t want to, don''t dare to take him away."


    Donghwa chuckled, but his anger was still so intense. He commented, "You are so confident. Do you really think that I can''t get Chunghee back? What are you willing to risk?"


    I interrupted their arguments, worried that they might get into a fight. I spoke to Daehyun beside me, "I told you I don''t want to talk to him. You also promised me that you won''t let me meet him. Are you going to break your promise?"


    Daehyun sighed, and said to me very calmly, "Chunghee, I''ve been trying to keep up, but you also have to understand my situation ¡ª my situation is very difficult right now. I have been living with you without certainty from you. It really tortured me, so this is the right time for you. Therefore, think about it carefully. If you want him to not interfere with our relationship¡ª"


    "What?! Our relationship?!" Donghwa suddenly cut in with his gaze darkening even further. His fist was about to fly towards Daehyun, but as soon as I glanced at him, his fist stopped in midair and slowly lowered his hand.


    That''s stupid. I didn''t expect to be faced with a situation like this.


    Do I have to choose one of them? Seriously!


    I was sick of romance and wanted to live in peace. That''s what I wanted.


    Daehyun continued, "The point is, you have to talk to him. Whatever your decision, I''m sure it''s for the best." He paused for a moment, then turned to Donghwa and said, "If Chunghee wants to come back to your side, then I would never show my face again. I''m going back to France."


    I, who heard this, flinched speechlessly. In shock, I couldn''t defend anyone in a situation like this. In my mind, I felt like being played around by two man.


    "Heh, sounds good." Donghwa looked satisfied after hearing Daehyun''s words. He said, "Then if you want to go now, hurry and go. I''m sick of seeing your face."


    Daehyun looked at him sarcastically, but as a more mature person, he chose not to respond to his words. He swept his gaze at me, then said with a gentle tone, "Chunghee, don''t push yourself. Listen to your heart''s desire. I will accept whatever you decide. If you really want to come back to him, then come back. Don''t hold back. Be honest with your own feelings."


    A sincere smile crossed his face, then added, "I''ll leave first. Remember, that this is your only chance to choose."


    After his words, Daehyun immediately left, walking down the stairs without turning to me who kept looking at him, hoping that he would turn around and take me away with him ...


    However, it seemed what Daehyun said was serious. He kept walking, then disappeared down there.


    This was a one-sided decision. Daehyun didn''t even care if I agreed or not. I thought he''s tired of sticking with me, who didn''t give him a chance.


    But, what happens if I really come back to Donghwa?


    Probably, the rest of my life would only be filled with guilt, considering the many sacrifices Daehyun had made for me.


    In these two choices, I actually didn''t get any advantage.


    There was the sound of the door closing, now Daehyun really left, leaving me with someone I ... hated?


    In a frozen state, my thoughts and feelings became one, then split into a more dilemma and painful, as if my heart had been blown in one firm grip.


    While staring blankly at downstairs, where Daehyun had disappeared, I bit my lip hard, enduring the overwhelming feeling as if shaking my whole body.


    This situation was truly bad. Donghwa''s presence seemed to shake everything into chaos and dissolve the worst darkness.

 Chapter 125 - Apologize (1)

    That time, when I chose to leave, I promised myself that I would forget everything about him. No matter how painful and down I was while living my days to death, at least my soul was still able to endure it all. If I had to die miserably, being alone was still better than someone who had to cry for me.


    However, humans were only good planners, while God, was the holder of destiny. First, God brought Daehyun and he made me learn to accept him, yet He seemed dissatisfied. At this time, He gave things that were even more difficult for me. Seeing Donghwa was beyond my power!


    To be honest, I was angry and was about to curse about why God didn''t want my plan? Why did God bring us back together?


    But, I didn''t deserve to complain about something that God planned. This scenario was complicated and God kept asking me to continue to act as a strong character.


    Heh, yeah... strong character...


    On the stage we called the world.


    That''s like bearing the sins of two people at once and you had to stand up as a solid figure.


    How can I be grateful?


    This is torturing me enough!


    I sighed silently, trying to relax. Thinking about this was like finding a dead end!


    "Chunghee ...."


    Without realizing it, Donghwa''s hand was wrapped around me from behind. I could also feel his warm breath touching my nape. His breath caressed my skin as if turning the memories of the past.


    "Let''s go home ...," he continued.


    His deep voice seemed to pull my soul away from reverie, tearing it away by force.


    "Chunghee, I am stupid, you know that, right? I know that I was wrong and I am sorry ¡ª I regret everything and I have suffered enough. If we are apart any longer, then I could die because I couldn''t stand it." Donghwa kept talking as if he was the only one who was suffering right now. "I can''t lose you again. I''m so lonely. Please, come home with me."


    Hearing his words, a question crossed my mind, ''Then, what about me?''


    "Chunghee, if you don''t want to continue our relationship, I don''t know how I would be without you. I don''t know what will happen to me. I beg you to start it all over again. We can do it ... I beg of you ... I will obey everything you say." He paused for a moment, took a silent breath, and then continued, "I don''t care if I have to try winning your heart once again ¡ª I don''t care. As long as it''s for the sake of our relationship, then it doesn''t matter if I have to fight like I used to do again. bet, whatever it is so that I will always be with you."


    However, as if I didn''t hear anything, I ignored the words and fell silent. For me, those words weren''t much different from the persuasion of the bastards out there ... wait ... heh, isn''t Donghwa one of those bastards? He''s good at flirting and expressing many sweet words, but it''s poisonous.


    I had taken a sip of poison by his words. Now, I was struggling desperately to recover myself.


    "Chunghee, I beg you, please say something ..."


    Sickened, I roughly removed his arms from my body. I turned around, glared at him without saying a word before I stepped into the bedroom.


    I pulled the blanket, then laid down on the bed. Now, I wanted to fall asleep to convince myself that everything that had happened today was just a dream, and when I woke up later, Donghwa''s figure was just an illusion. If necessary, I would be lucky to die when I close my eyes this time.


    A few seconds later, Donghwa sat on the bedside, stroking my head with the gentleness of the hand I used to admire but now scared me. He said, "When you left me, I never felt my life was better. I think about you all the time and always dream about you every night. I drink a lot of alcohol, and almost every night, I become a drunk just so I can relax. But, still, it''s useless .... "


    "I''m restless because I always miss you, so I''ll hug your pillow to ease my anxiety a little. I know it won''t be enough, but the scent of your head on the pillow makes me feel like I''m kissing your head." He laughed hollowly, and added, "To be honest, I am very happy to meet you right now, but I don''t know how to express my own feelings. I want to take you home, I want to hug you, I want you to always be with me ... I ... I ... heh, you know, I guess, I just couldn''t live without you."


    Hearing Donghwa''s words that sounded earnest, I was reminded of the past. I had not completely discarded all the memories and left a faint trail on my head.


    However, even so, what remained were only painful wounds. All the fond memories of the past years were erased by one betrayal.


    After all, I couldn''t run or return. In this context, it was Donghwa who had left the wounds without mercy, put me aside, and neglected my patience for so many years. I had suffered enough to hide my true feelings.


    Without warning, Donghwa laid on my body. He spoke softly, "Chunghee, I remember, you once asked me: ''would you be okay if I left you?'' Do you remember? Heh, ever since then, your question has always been in my head. Even if I laughed about it back then, my answer truly was. I can''t ... I can''t live alone ... this ... this really hurts ... I need you."


    These words ...


    After letting me down ... did he mean this? But, if not, why should he look for me, and even be willing to kneel like that?


    I tightly closed my eyes, pushing my heart not to waver. I had swallowed a lot of sweet things from him and it all ended in tormenting bitterness, I wouldn''t sacrifice my remaining feelings.


    It wasn''t my possessions and fine clothes that I wanted to take with me on the day of my death, but my feelings for him so that I could merge into peace.


    I used to have a dream to die with him, but I didn''t think it would ever come true. So, all I could do was took my feelings to him and died with them.


    I couldn''t carry him to die with me, so the purity of my feelings was the most precious thing I should carry in my peace.


    Still in a lying position on my body, Donghwa could be heard sighing heavily. "Chunghee, talk to me, I beg you. Please, talk to me. I miss you, even your voice."


    After hearing these words, I slowly opened my eyes. I pondered for a moment before finally voiced, almost whispered, "Donghwa, leave ...."


    I turned my head slightly to see his face.


    Hearing the order, he suddenly gasped in surprise, then got up from his position. In the silence, his pupils shrank and his pale face became tense. He shifted his position, then unexpectedly, he suddenly knelt and spoke in trembling voice, holding back the sobs he was trying to suppress.


    "You''re angry ... I''m sorry, I beg ... I beg you ...." Donghwa kept pleading, "Chunghee, I''m sorry. I won''t get up if you don''t agree to come back to me."


    Seeing him do something like this, I was shocked and immediately got up from my position. His eyes started to tear up ... I haven''t seen that expression in his eyes for a long time. The way Donghwa saw me now was something I always wanted but he never showed. I always hoped that he would look at me like this but what I saw lately, were eyes full of suspicion and outrage. He never showed love in his eyes as I struggled to stick with him.


    However, not wanting to be carried away in the tenderness that once hurt me, I firmly said, "What are you doing? Leave now!"


    "Chunghee, I want you to forgive me and come back to me ...." With the same gaze, he spoke deeply as if those words were the innermost voice of his heart.


    Holding back tears to look strong, I reiterated, "I don''t want to see you again ... leave ... Don''t show your face again next time."


    For a moment Donghwa was silent, the corners of his lips curved downward, then said, "Chunghee, how can you forgive me? I''ll do anything."


    "We break up. There''s nothing to hold on to," I replied indifferently.


    "No!" Donghwa yelled. "I don''t want to break up! I don''t want to break up with you! Please, don''t say that. We can''t break up. I don''t want to!"


    "It''s useless. We break up. I don''t need your consent. I don''t care."


    "Chunghee, don''t, please. I can do anything, as long as you don''t tell me to leave. I''ve been waiting for this moment for a long time. I''ve also sacrificed a lot of things to be able to meet you ... just say, what should I do? Or... Do you want to hit me? Hit me as much as you want .... Hit me if it will make you forgive me. I can¡ª "


    "Donghwa, enough!"

 Chapter 126 - Apologize (2)

    In the end, holding back from crying in front of Donghwa was useless. I had always been weak in arguing with him. Always giving in and obeying his words since time immemorial was a bad habit that was so hard to break. I didn''t like it, neither did myself. But, what else could I do? I couldn''t change anything other than hard-faking everything.


    As my tears fell, I remembered how I had hoped for good things from him but he never wanted to do it.


    Did he only realize his sin after the person he had, left him without caring?


    From the time I lost the precious people in my life, from when I was a child until I grew up, every time I close my eyes, I always hoped to see lots of cheerful colors again. It''s like when I watched TV when I was a child, on the screen, there were many beautiful colors, which I thought would always be that beautiful. However, the reality wasn''t like that, it was even more gloomy and dark.


    During that period, I never gave up wishing that I would see the colors I often saw on TV. I always told myself that there would be a time when someone would be present in my life; gave me redemption for my hopeless and dark life; brought me light and dreams; and always gave me his colors to decorate my gloomy life after I had lost so many precious things in my life.


    And, once the light and my dreams came to my house and give colors to me, my life seemed so amazing. I kept asking, ''Is this the world I live in? Is it this beautiful?''


    However, like a light and color, one day they would fade away. Gradually, the light was getting dimmer, fading the beautiful colors in my eyes, as well as destroying the dreams that I dreamed when I had Donghwa. But, he had found his own new light and rolled with him the whole time, while his old light kept trying to keep shining in the gloomy darkness. Until one day he really died and was unable to shine up on anything anymore.


    Then, why should he come to me again like a new light? It was as if he was an eternal light that would keep coloring my life all the time like when he came for the first time as the light I was waiting for.


    After all, I had struggled for years to keep shining on it, and I couldn''t possibly sacrifice another year again to shine on the same person.


    I sighed silently, trying to calm my heart as well as my broken mind, but I couldn''t. Everything was scattered everywhere like broken glass on the ground. I couldn''t put it back together like I used to. Even if it was formed, there would be pieces that could never be found no matter how much I tried to search for them.


    Tears rolled down my face like a broken dam blowing tons of floodwaters. Logically, I felt embarrassed to cry, but emotionally I had no shame in sobbing in front of someone who didn''t deserve to cry.


    No. Actually, it wasn''t Donghwa who made me cry, but all our memories. I didn''t expect, when someone had a broken heart, that incredible happiness would become so painful, it felt like you wanted to die immediately. No wonder so many people committed suicide out of heartbreak. The people I once thought were stupid as they were desperate to end their precious life.


    Besides depression, heartbreaking was the most sadistic killer. It didn''t kill you instantly, but slowly. Starting from your heart, your mind, your body, then completely numbed your soul. You would experience extreme suffering that you would never imagine in your life.


    Even if you heard the person who caused your heartbreak to apologize, you wouldn''t feel any better sense, but it would hurt you more and more, and there was more pain you would feel at once.


    The depiction was like that. But, when someone experienced it by himself, I believed that it was much worse than what I described in words.


    I lowered my head, hiding my crying face. Showing it was the same as bringing down my stubborn pride. I might be stubborn but I didn''t want to look that way.


    Seeing me crying, Donghwa immediately exclaimed, "Chunghee!"


    Surprised, Donghwa immediately got up and hugged me tightly. However, the more I sank into his arms, the more hurt I felt, releasing all kinds of emotions from within myself, and making the sobs I was trying to hide sound gentle from my lips.


    It really felt unbearable to be with him but it hurt so much to leave. However, after all, running away was the path I had chosen and I had to face it no matter what, even at the expense of my own heart.


    I didn''t move as Donghwa embraced me with love, made me feel¡­ comfortable.


    "Chunghee, please, give me one more chance. I will fix everything, I promise. This time, I will not disappoint you." While saying, he rubbed my head gently.


    In his arms, weeping all the time, I thought in my mind, ''Why did he have to come? Why didn''t he, as the one who disappointed me, run and hide? Why is he so confident and asking me to come back?''


    How could I accept all of that?


    After being in a relationship for a long time and making love like any other pair of lovers, it was all too good to remember and painful at the same time. I had high expectations to live with him forever. However, he heartlessly destroyed all the beauties that I always imagined every moment. Then, after he broke my heart, he came to me to apologize so easily as if forgiving one mistake was an easy thing to do.


    Perhaps, for him, it was easy, as easy as saying "yes, I forgive you". But for me, forgive him or not, the result would still be the same. Even if I came back, the relationship wouldn''t be the same as before. It''s easy to say "I forgive you," but very hard to forget many painful things that happened.


    "Chunghee, give me one more chance. I beg you."


    Hearing the same words once again, I lifted my gaze, then tried to remove his arms. As soon as he let go of his embrace, I immediately pushed him away from me a little.


    With a misty gaze filled with tears, I tried to stare at him seriously. As soon as I looked at him, Donghwa suddenly fell silent as if he was scared. Until I tried to ask one question, "Why did you do that?"


    "It''s because I don''t want to break up. I want us to go back to how we used to be," he replied immediately.


    "It''s not that!" I confirmed. Gritting my teeth, I said my question more clearly, "Why are you cheating on me?"


    By the look on his face, Donghwa looked surprised. He suddenly fell silent for a long time like a statue in silence.


    The question was a question I had been wanting to ask for a long time. However, as I didn''t want to argue with him, I could only swallow up the question along with the pain inside.


    Now, having parted ways, I supposed, there was nothing better than asking about it.


    Not getting any answer, I wiped the tears in my eyes, then sneered, "Heh, you can''t even answer that question. Do you want to make any excuses again? It''s useless, you know."


    Donghwa showed a pang of guilt on his face. He then slowly lowered his gaze, then as soon as he lifted it back up, his gaze was filled with deep regret.


    He sat facing me, holding my hand, and said in a low voice that trembled slightly, "I don''t love him."


    Furious, I raised my voice as soon as I replied, "I''m not asking if you love him or not! I don''t care at all! I just want to know what your reason is, why you cheated on me!"


    Donghwa didn''t answer and just kept showing a look of regret which made me sick.


    "Why don''t you want to answer? Do you think I don''t know about your affair?! You think that with me being silent all this time, you feel like you''ve succeeded in hiding your bad behavior out there?!" Sighing, I continued in a tone that was calmer than before, "Since a long time ago, you''ve always accused me of having an affair. I never even thought of looking for someone else because I''ve made you the only one in my heart. But, what do I gain? only disappointments all the time."


    "Not only that. You didn''t only make me disappointed but also hurt me because of all your nonsense about the affair. With great effort, I stand for you but you even accused me of having an affair, where is your conscience? You said you love me. Then, what? You see now? You made me have to make this decision."


    "Chunghee ... I''m sorry ... I''m sorry ... I was wrong. I''m sorry ...."


    Donghwa kept apologizing.

 Chapter 127 - Expressing What I Should Express (1)

    I shook my head weakly. "I''m tired. I''m tired of all our romance skits. Please, don''t get me in again."


    After a long silence, Donghwa finally began to persuade, "Chunghee, it was my fault. So, please give me one more chance to fix everything. I promise I will not repeat the same mistake once again."


    "You''ve always been selfish. You never understood how I felt."


    Finishing my words, I threw my hand away firmly, then looked away indifferently.


    "Chunghee ...," Donghwa muttered.


    He was silent for a while, looking at me in disbelief. He probably wondered why I behaved like this to him. But, isn''t this how it should be? He should be grateful that no-one else would make him have to hide the affair, he could even share the keys to our apartment with his new lover now.


    Then, no wind nor rain, suddenly he raised his hand and showed his fingers. There was a brightness on his face that looked pitiful. He then spoke with great enthusiasm. Maybe he''s trying to change the subject.


    "Chunghee, look, I''ve found my ring. I told you that I can''t take it off on purpose. Didn''t I promise you to keep putting it on?"


    Hearing the words, I turned to him for a moment. I asked to make sure his words were the truth, "You remember that promise?"


    Donghwa looked optimistic. He then took my hand and said, "Yes, yes, of course, how could I forget? I won''t forget such an important thing."


    Donghwa answered firmly. His words dumbfounded me at once. I stared at his face seem to glow in the gloom, then was stunned for a moment before returning to confirm, "So, all this time, you still remember all your promises back then?"


    He nodded excitedly. "Of course I remember all of them ... do you think I''ve been forgetting my promises all this time?"


    After hearing that answer, I looked closely at Donghwa. By his eyes, he didn''t seem to be making it up. It was clearly etched on his serious face.


    However, the words didn''t make me delighted, on the contrary, made me unable to control the feelings that I had been holding back for a long time!


    "Then, what about your promise of loyalty? You said you will never betray our relationship? But why ... Why are you breaking it?" Paused for a moment, I continued, "Actually, there are many things I want to ask you but, just one question you haven''t given an answer for me! How could you want me to come back to you?!"


    Finally, what had been buried in my feelings and that I kept hiding could come out easily, without having to fight anything else from within me.


    Hearing about this, he was shocked, the brightness on his face dimmed. For a moment, he fell silent and slightly lowered his gaze. Then, a few seconds later, he lifted his eyes again; showing his eyes that had turned dark, as if a mistake had made him sink to the bottom of his deepest remorse. He took a deep breath before speaking, "Okay, Chunghee, I will say everything, and I can make sure that there will be nothing I hide from you again. I don''t want to hide my fault with you anymore ¡ª it''s my regret ...."


    I turned my eyes sideways. Feelings of indifference made me say, "Heh, it''s up to you. But, you better not have to say anything because none of that will fix this relationship anymore. So, if you don''t want to waste your words, shut up and go away."


    "Chunghee, please, listen to my explanation. I will say everything, and I will keep hoping for you."


    The gentleness of his voice cut through the air. The word was sincere and in every word was seriousness.


    However, as I was tired of all this, I remained silent without giving any response, pretending to be deaf so as not to hear anything from him.


    He didn''t want to listen to my words, he spoke, "His name is Cho Sunyeon. We are close, but I never think of him as a lover or mistress ... whatever it calls."


    He''s still reluctant to be blunt?


    Feeling that Donghwa was just boasting, I gave him a slight glance and then snorted in annoyance. "You don''t think of him as a lover? Then, what do you call about rolling on the bed? If it''s a colleague, I should also be rolling on the bed with my colleagues too and telling you openly. How¡ª "


    As if he didn''t want to hear anything from me, he interrupted before I could finish my sentence, "Chunghee, I mean it. I didn''t lie to you. I never said ''love'' to him ¡ª it''s because I don''t love him ¡ª you''re the only one whom I have loved all this time. Over the years, you have been the only person who was so precious in my life. Nobody."


    The words were the sweetest thing, but I was sick of being the only idiot in our relationship.


    He explained, "He was just a prostitute at one of the bars. We met accidentally three years ago. And that''s because he was always clinging to me. I never intended to be with him. However, out of that time, I was under a lot of work pressure. I got a lot of stress. There were many things that made me depressed. So, to relax my mind, I drank a lot of alcohol until finally, I got drunk. And ... without realizing it ... I did it that night ... with Sunyeon ... I''m sorry ...."


    "But, I''m really sorry. Since then I just wanted to try him. I just intended to make fun of him. I didn''t mean¡ª"


    "Oh. Then, what did you do after that? Are you addicted to making love with a young man like him so you rarely come home to see me, who even at that time was still your legitimate lover? Is it because you are tired of me because I never make you satisfied in bed?" I laughed hollowly, then continued, "As long as you''re successful, you only think of me as a person who has to satisfy your lust every time you get tired after work? Then, have you ever thought that I, who worked all day, was tired too?"


    "Chunghee, no. That''s not¡ª"


    "I''m not the one who you can use when you''re horny! Are the women in your office not enough for you?!" I said, interrupting Donghwa''s words.


    Donghwa looked surprised without a word.


    Smiling coldly, I didn''t want to stop expressing many insults for him, "Why? Do you think I don''t know about those women too?! I just didn''t want to bring it up because I could still accept that it might be your job demands or maybe you''re just being persuaded by your colleagues'' business. But, ever since you got to know that young man, I could feel how you changed towards me gradually. It''s obvious now."


    I paused for a moment, trying to relax before asking, "So, my question is, why did you rarely come home at that time? Over the past three years, I can count how many times you came home to me."


    "...."


    "Why? You can''t answer it? You accuse me of having an affair out there but you have slept with other people and don''t call it cheating? How does your brain work? If I want to cheat, I can do it for a long time. But, I''m not interested because you''re the only one for me."


    Donghwa clenched his jaw tightly. There was something he was trying to suppress, which looked like it was going to explode. And once he started to look like he could control himself, he took a deep breath before replying, "Do you remember the big fight we had three years ago? At that time, I already knew that young man. I was really mad at you at that time, so I came to him. I was waiting for you to call me but you didn''t. And out of that, I ... I ... gave vent to him."


    Hearing that explanation, I seemed to want to laugh at it off, but I couldn''t. "What? Waiting for me to call you? For what? To persuade you to come home? After all, after you beat me up, drowned me in the bath, and raped me until my intestinal was injured, did I need to persuade the person who did that to come home?"


    Donghwa looked tense, even his face had lost its color. He opened his mouth slightly and began to string the words, "I ... I don''t ...."


    However, just those two words disgusted me. Finally, I shouted, "Enough!"


    Annoyed, I took a sharp glance at him. The more he revealed a confession, the more he made me suffer. Hearing everything, this pain was getting more and more painful, and stabbed my heart continuously.


    He seemed not to want to listen to me, and said again, "Chunghee, I''m sorry. I''m sorry. Now, I''ve left him. I didn''t lie to you."


    "What do you expect now? You think after you leave him, I want to come back to you?" I grinned coldly, showing how disgusted I was by his words. I scoffed, "In three years, actually, you had a lot of time to regret. But why didn''t you do that? Is it because you thought that I didn''t know about your affair so you felt proud that you managed to keep two men in a different place? Who exactly was your mistress all this time, me or him?"


    Donghwa looked dumbfounded when he heard my words. How he couldn''t? All of that was a reality that should have pierced his heart if he had a heart all this time indeed.

 Chapter 128 - Expressing What I Should Express! (2)

    I didn''t respond. I then shifted my body back a little, then leaned back to relax without saying a word.


    "Chunghee, why are you so angry with me that you don''t want to forgive me? Is it because I lost my ring? I already said that I never lost it on purpose." He paused for a moment before continuing, "Actually, I don''t know why I forgot to put it on back then. Sunyeon said that he found it under the table¡ª"


    "What the hell are you talking about?" I interrupted before he finished talking, "I don''t even care if you want to put it on or not. I don''t put it on anymore either. So you don''t have to do that if you don''t want to."


    "What ...."


    Donghwa immediately turned his eyes to my finger. As soon as he saw a different ring at the place where our ring once coiled, he suddenly grabbed my hand roughly. He lifted his eyes to me and gave me a look of disbelief. He asked in a trembling voice, holding back the rage within him, "Chunghee, where''s your ring? Tell me, where''s your ring? Where did you hide it?"


    Before answering, I pulled my hand back, then turned my face away to the side without caring. I said indifferently, "I threw it away. It''s useless. I don''t need it anymore."


    Hearing that statement, Donghwa suddenly fell silent. The look on his face still showed an expression of disbelief and surprise at the same time. It was as if he felt a tremendous disappointment that he had never felt before.


    However, a few seconds later, he suddenly pulled my hand back roughly, then angrily tried to take the ring off from my finger. "This ring is useless. Kim must have given you, right? You have to take it off and put your ring back on."


    Even though Donghwa didn''t shout like when he was angry, his voice sounded cold and there was anger in it.


    As for me, I struggled to prevent Donghwa from taking off the ring. I clenched my fists as hard as I could while trying to hold onto Donghwa''s hand which was actually much stronger than mine.


    Unable to stand it, I shouted, "Stop!"


    As soon as Donghwa heard that one word, he froze instantly. He slowly loosened his grip before letting go of my hands.


    I glanced at him angrily before reaching out to the bedside table, then took my ring on it. I showed the ring right in front of Donghwa''s face with a sneer, "You want me to put this on back? For what? Look, there''s nothing important here anymore. It''s also not as attractive as me." I paused, took a silent breath before continuing, "You already have a new one. I deserve to do it too."


    After I convinced him that this rusty ring was really worthless, I immediately threw the ring to a random place. The sound of iron resounded in the silence between us, echoing the many feelings that made two people who were once lovers now had mutual hatred.


    His surprised gaze suddenly turned delicate. There was affection running through his eyes before shattering with a tear in the corner of his eye.


    He slowly stood up without saying anything, then started looking for the ring that I had thrown away. He searched all corners of the room with tears in his eyes, then soon he found it.


    However, as soon as he walked towards the bed, he suddenly stopped. He gasped, gripping his left chest before he fell with both legs bent.


    Seeing Donghwa suddenly fall on the floor, I was immediately shocked. I asked worriedly, "What''s ... wrong?"


    Donghwa didn''t respond, but I could hear his gasping breath, and I immediately concluded that he was experiencing shortness of breath.


    With great worry, I tried to get out of bed, then walked over to him. Once there, I sat by him, touching his arm gently as I asked anxiously, "Donghwa, what''s wrong? Are you okay?"


    Actually, I didn''t want to care about this person anymore no matter what. However, running and hiding was my own choice, while my feelings for him were instinct. So, after all, my body moved on its own when I saw someone who had spent ten years with me in difficult circumstances and didn''t rule out crying. It''s beyond my control.


    Moreover, as far as I knew, he had no history of asthma, so when I saw Donghwa suddenly experience shortness of breath, I couldn''t help but worry about his condition.


    Donghwa struggled to catch his breath. He coughed now and then, so he immediately took out his handkerchief from his pocket with trembling hand.


    Coughing a few times while lowering his head, he immediately wiped his lips, then hurriedly put his handkerchief back into his pocket.


    However, since his handkerchief was gray, I caught a glimpse of some dark red stains before he folded it. I didn''t want to conclude that it was blood, so I just asked once again to confirm his condition, "Donghwa, are you okay?"


    He''s probably feeling better already, so he lifted his head, and looked at me with a smile so that how he cried earlier seemed like it never happened. If it weren''t for his red, teary eyes, I might think that I saw him cry as unreal.


    He touched my face with his hands that held the gentleness and warmth that I always admired in the past, saying, "You were worried about me, so now I feel so wonderful."


    I was stunned for a moment, thinking that I shouldn''t show him my weak side again. But who''s to blame? Meanwhile, my body moved instinctively, and it was beyond my control.


    However, thinking that he was feeling better now, I put his hand away and stood up. However, before I stepped towards the bed, Donghwa suddenly hugged my legs.


    "Chunghee, I don''t want to break up. Come home with me." With a pause, he added, "You once promised me that you would never leave me. You said you would always be with me. So now I want to collect your promise."


    I didn''t look at him and only hear him speak, bringing up the promise of the past that made me have to bear the burdens because of his actions. So, with a sore heart, I said, "Yes, but because of that I also feel pain. I suffer because of that promise. I shouldn''t have said stupid things like that to you."


    "Don''t you think and realize everything? That all this time, because of that promise, I let you out there to play with anyone. I always forgive you. But, you seem increasingly to be taking advantage of my kindness. Don''t you know how much suffering I endured because of those damn words?" I smiled bitterly, then continued. "Now, let me go. Let me go. I''ve dedicated my life long enough to be with you, so now, I beg you, free me. I just want to spend my time without any more love. I want to recover from all of this nonsense."


    Without letting go of his hands, he muttered, "You mean ... you want to live without romance, but why are you living with Kim and having a relationship with him? I will never let you go by his side."


    Taking a deep breath, I replied, "Then why? Do you think I lied to you? You often lie to me too, so why can''t I?"


    Donghwa didn''t give a response and just kept silent without a word.


    He might have realized how often he lied to me or maybe was lamenting something, like how he had fun out there, while his lover was waiting for him in solitude.


    I could tell that he was really hurt by loneliness. However, didn''t he ever think that I had been lonely for three years but never said any complaint?


    Now, does he feel the pain when he waits for someone but that person doesn''t come?


    I had even experienced it many times.


    He just didn''t know how I felt when I called him just to make sure if he wanted to go home or not but he rejected all my calls. Also, he didn''t know how much it hurt when I called someone who should be mine but he was wrestling in joy of lustful with someone else on the other line. He didn''t know how that young man''s moan rang in my head, but I had to keep hiding it with a smile on my face.


    He would never feel what I had felt all this time.


    After all, I had always thought of him as a flower that I would always care for in my heart. However, seemingly, the flower withered as time passed, and instead grew in someone else''s heart. And since I didn''t have the talent to snatch things from other people, I allowed myself to watch the flower bloom with a bitter smile.


    In the long silence, I said with a low voice, "Let me go."


    Donghwa kept being silent. So, out of his unresponsive attitude, I repeated the same words emphatically, "Let me go!"

 Chapter 129 - Expressing What I Should Express (3)

    Hearing my voice tone, Donghwa seemed unable to move. He paused for a moment and slowly let go of his arms on my legs. Now, he looked like a child who had just been punished by his mother and he was afraid to repeat the same mistakes.


    He was very obedient and docile. Usually, he would be very stubborn and not give in to his wishes. He almost resembled a wild animal from the wild that couldn''t be regulated by any rules.


    However, now, he was like a person who had been snatched away a dignity in himself that left no pride, guts, or whatever he thought was a basis that could make him be a confident and proud person.


    Meanwhile, I stuck to my principles and didn''t turn my head to see how Donghwa''s expression was beneath me even though my head was so desperate to do it. In the end, I succeeded after fighting against myself. And as soon as I felt Donghwa no longer hugging my legs, I started walking towards the bed.


    Sitting there, I pondered for a while before awakening as I heard Donghwa''s footsteps which were heading towards me lightly.


    I turned to him. My gaze fixed on him in disbelief until he sat beside me. I had not let go of my gaze yet, and wondered, ''What does he want from this again? Why does he want to repeat this rotten relationship one more time? Doesn''t he think how I feel like I''m a person who needs mental recovery for the trauma I went through with him?''


    Thinking of that, I felt amazed. Some things amazed me, but also felt like his nonsense truly seemed to make me want to burst out of laugh.


    However, there was nothing I could do but be quiet and show how much I lost the many sweet words I used to praise him.


    After all, I had lost half of my soul from continuing to love him. Now, there was only a quarter of the soul I wanted to protect to the end.


    After a few moments of silence, Donghwa raised his eyebrows, showing his unfortunate face that had plunged me into a twisting of pain. He looked at me expectantly for an answer in his deep eyes as he said persistently, "Chunghee, therefore, please give me one more chance, I beg you. Let me prove my sincerity. If you don''t give it that chance to me, how can you know my true feeling?"


    I frowned faintly, then laughed lightly. "And how do I know, when I give you that one chance later, you will hurt my feelings, do I have to regret it again?"


    He was stunned for a moment before replying, "Chunghee, why don''t you want to believe me? I mean what I say."


    Why?


    In a situation like this, he still had time to ask something that had a pretty clear answer!


    I felt that Donghwa had talked too much. It really sickened me. However, as I didn''t want to get carried away, I tried to stay calm. I replied, "Why? Is your brain unable to digest my words? You used to be a brilliant person and always had lots of reasons, but why now you keep making me have to say the same things over and over again?"


    Hearing about this, he gritted his teeth hard before revealing, "It''s because I can''t accept your decision. I don''t want us to be apart. I still want you to give me one more chance."


    Taking a deep breath, I said, "A chance? Again? How long do I have to keep giving you a chance?" Paused for a moment, I added, "Donghwa, look, I''ve given you many chances all this time and it''s enough to make me suffer. Do you hear me? It''s enough to make me suffer ¡ª suffer!" I purposely pressed a few words at the end to emphasize.


    I chuckled. There''s nothing funny about this talk. It''s just that, remembering how stupid I was at that time was both ridiculous and painful in my heart.


    Keeping that in mind, my mind had twisted things all these years. There was happiness and pain that tormented me inside. All of that tied into the swish of our long relationship.


    "Donghwa, all this time, I have always given you a chance. When I found out that you fucked a lot of people out there, I forgave you. When you nearly killed me three years ago, I also still forgave you. And, when you have an affair, I could still forgive you and stay any longer for you." I smiled bitterly. Remembering how I always forgave him, I thought that I was indeed crazy about him.


    But what? Now all of that was vanity.


    However, even so, I never thought that I was crazy about the wrong person even though he gave me the pain of my ending story.


    "I was always waiting for you at that time. But, the results were only futile. You never gave me news and always kept me waiting. It was not a short time, you know. If you think months are a short time, then you really heartless," I continued. I paused for a while before saying again in a high tone that sounded furious, "I lasted for months! Plus, I stuck with Donghwa even though he was no longer the same person I used to know."


    I took a silent breath to calm down before continuing, "Heh, and the silly thing is, you kept ignoring me all that time; kept lying to me even though I already knew that you were having fun with other people out there. Do you think I didn''t know that? I just didn''t want to bring it up when we got to argue. I told you before, right? I know everything. I just pretended all this time to keep our relationship. There''s a saying, no matter how you hide the carcass, you can''t hide the smell. And, have you ever thought about our relationship? Or, am I the only one here?"


    "Donghwa, I always gave you a chance at that time. And when I gave you one more chance, you were repeating the same thing over and over again. Didn''t I ever say to you, that ''don''t make me regret''? Do you understand what that means? I said that it''s because I''m getting tired of facing you."


    After saying that, for some reason, my heavy chest became a little lighter. Even though there were still many feelings that had not been revealed, it was quite a relief. Throwing out a quarter of that painful thing allowed my chest to inhale more oxygen than before.


    However, saying that wasn''t enough to make me happy, or maybe something like that would never make me happy. But, that was enough to make me satisfied with my courage to be blunt.


    For a long time, I was finally able to express my slight disappointment. At least, having Donghwa here now gave me the right opportunity to express what I should express so that he could hear some of my screams that I had held in my throat.


    This wasn''t revenging. It never crossed my mind either. I would never do something childish like that. It''s just that, I wanted him to learn from that mistake and become a better person in the future. I wished he would no longer repeat the same mistakes to someone who would be with him after my departure.


    However, there''s one thing I regretted about him, why did he just open up and say everything right now? If only at that time, he had been more open to me, no matter how painful I felt, his honesty would make me think twice to break up with him.


    In this silence, I looked at his face that suddenly turned very sad. In my mind, I didn''t hate him and would never hate him. It would be a lie if I said that I no longer had feelings for him.


    However, it''s just that, I was an ordinary human who had a heart endurance limit. I. had swallowed so much pain that I could barely feel my own heart.


    Stunned for a moment, Donghwa opened his mouth and spoke, "Chunghee, that''s why I admit my mistake. It was my biggest mistake. I know, I have disappointed you. Therefore, give me one more chance and I will prove that all those words are not lies." With a pause, he put my hand on his head, then continued, "I promise in God''s name ¡ª I swear. If you give me one more chance, I''ll prove my true feelings."


    I pulled my hand, then looked away from him. "I can''t, that''s enough for me. I''m sorry," I said, holding the pain in my tightened chest.


    Yes, right now, I wouldn''t give him that chance. I couldn''t, it''s not that I didn''t have that desire. It''s just that I didn''t have much time for him. Being with him would only make me regret it if he found out about my true situation.


    Gently, he replied, "Chunghee, please think about this carefully. Don''t give me a decision like that."


    A tear glistened in the corner of his eyes, and I could tell that there was a feeling he was holding on from within him right now. It looked so painful.

 Chapter 130 - "Love Me Once Again"

    "I''ve thought about it carefully, from the moment I left you." I was silent for a moment, and tried to smile but failed. "... Now, please, I beg you to leave right away. I don''t want to see you again."


    Hearing my words, the expression on his face suddenly changed. His eyes that had oozed gentleness were now gradually darkening; showing an intimidating gaze at the stubborn refusal in his heart. Gritting his teeth, he asked carefully, "Is it because of Kim? You don''t really like him, do you?"


    "Then, what if I like him? You have no right to rule my life. After all, we don''t have any relationship anymore. It''s up to me to put my heart anywhere. Stop blaming him. He''s even better than you." Without hesitation, I said all of this.


    Behind his straight face, I could see the emotion that was about to explode, but it didn''t stop me from talking, "If I have to choose, then I''m better off with him than having to be with someone who said he loved me ... but he ... he ... he even ... hurt my feelings."


    It felt so heavy as soon as I said my sentence, made my shaky tongue struggle to put together the words so that to make them sound clearer. Then, after struggling to finish the sentence, I lowered my head to hide my face. I didn''t want to look into Donghwa''s eyes directly that showed a sharp glint, piercing right into the agony.


    Honestly, I never intended to bring that up. However, for some reason, my lips couldn''t hold back the urge to reveal something that had hurt me the most. Besides, it was Donghwa who seemed to force me to convey everything as if he didn''t give me a choice.


    Naturally, I shouldn''t regret all the words I had said to him no matter what. However, the more I said, the more I could feel the pain from those words even though they actually made my chest filled with wounds relax a little after saying them.


    However, that''s the essence. When you tried to be honest, then you would be considerate. And when you managed to say all your honesty, then you''re like a bird that could fly freely after being confined for years.


    Not wanting to think about it any longer, I slowly lifted my face, then looked at Donghwa who was still showing the same expression in front of me.


    A second later, a cold smile tugged at the corners of his lips. Seeing him smile, I was about to speak but he did it first, "Chunghee, don''t ever compare me to anyone. Especially with that bastard. I don''t like it." Taking a silent breath, he continued, "And about Kim, I''m not lying to you either. Kim isn''t a good guy. You only see what you will never see when he''s with other people. He''s cunning, you know."


    "You too!" I interrupted in a high tone, staring angrily at him. "At least, he knows how I got hurt because of someone, so he won''t do that to me either."


    Donghwa fell silent for a moment. He looked at me as if he couldn''t believe what he had just heard.


    "I don''t care if he''s bad for other people. As long as he''s good to me, then it''s fine." I continued, sneering, "It''s not like you, who treat others well, while I, the one who has accompanied you and fully gave my love to you, have been ignored all this time. What about that?"


    Remembering that, I smiled faintly, there was a bitterness that I really felt in my heart when I said that. "You know, I''ve known him for a long time ago. Long before I knew you. And do you know? Daehyun is the person I ever loved. It''s just that a situation should make me get rid of that feeling. If only I knew, you would make me like this in the end, I better¡ª"


    "Chunghee!" Donghwa suddenly interrupted, "It''s just your past. Don''t bring it up again. Now, you have a relationship with me."


    "Heh, ever since we parted, we broke up."


    There was a long pause before Donghwa spoke in a low and weak tone, sounding like sobs and rage merging.


    "You know, if only you were with Kim at the beginning, it doesn''t rule out that he''s the one who would hurt you and I was the hero for you. He might hurt you more than me. No one will ever know that."


    I stared at him in silence before I turned my face sideways and said indifferently, "The point is, I still don''t want to reconcile with you. I''m tired of facing you. I can''t afford to continue our relationship anymore."


    After my words, there was a pause before I turned to him again and looked at him deeply. I said that just to make him understand and to make him leave. Doesn''t he understand?!


    I forced a smile, then continued, "And, I don''t like it either if you keep forcing me to come back to you. I¡ª"


    Before I could finish my phrase, something cold and wet touched my lips, suddenly causing me to stop talking with my eyes bulging as if my eyeballs were about to fall on the ground and roll away.


    A sudden deep kiss blocked my words, made me stop breathing and my blood seemed to stop flowing. My whole body went numb for a while.


    The next moment, my body was suddenly pressed against the wall firmly, while Donghwa continuously pulverized my lips violently causing a sensation of pain, which gradually felt ... good. Fortunately, I could still control my sense so that as soon as his tongue tried to penetrate my oral cavity, I immediately bit his lip.


    Donghwa immediately parted our lips and blood flowed down his lip. It looked painful, but he didn''t seem to care much about it as if he didn''t feel any pain.


    Even crazier, he didn''t seem to give up. After he wiped his lips with the back of his hand, he then grabbed my face again and kissed me harder and harder.


    I, who was staring at him in a daze, was suddenly startled as soon as I was pushed back all of a sudden.


    Donghwa kissed me too hard as if he was punishing me. The sweet and fishy taste stirred a little with the saliva as soon as our tongues got tangled up with each other.


    After a few seconds, he shifted my body to the side and immediately pressed me beneath him.


    This had happened before. In the past, he would torture me sexually when he felt jealous or angry. As he didn''t dare to hit me, so he could only torture me in bed with terrible savagery. I was afraid ... if he would do it again.


    In this situation, I was trying to get his body away on top of mine, but it''s hard. His strength and weight were beyond my capacity. However, as soon as his hands started to drop on my hips and began to squeeze them, I immediately shouted, "Stop! You disgust me!"


    Donghwa immediately stopped, and slowly parted our lips. He still had not left my body yet, and just looked at me with a pathetic look as if my words just hurt him. And, as he spoke, there was a deeper feeling I could feel in his words.


    "Chunghee, I love you so much. If you no longer love me, so please love me once again for this time. I will take this as my last chance."


    As soon as I heard those words, there was something like hitting my chest so hard, causing me pain. It made me want to cry.


    Donghwa''s voice was so gentle to my ears, even felt like caressing my heart, made me suddenly realize that I didn''t lose the slightest bit of my love for him.


    How strong could I run; how deep was I hiding; and how hard I tried to keep quiet, it''s all in vain. This person would always catch me; he would find me; and he would know everything visible or invisible to me. It''s just that he''s stupid and stubborn, so he would be very careless in his actions. His pigheadedness had to cost him a lot.


    Beneath his body, I stared into his eyes deeply, as if I came into his eyes, then walked up to his heart to open the files that held memories of our past. Amazingly, I seemed to find the same thing. The love stories that had been written in his heart were still colorful and well preserved. It''s just that, it''s all so hidden, I could even hardly find it.


    In the silence, our eyes looked at each other as if they were telling stories, complaining, and scolding each other, for what had happened. Everything looked like the sky at night filled with stars, then suddenly it rained.


    My mind was immediately distracted, as soon as I felt tears fall on my face. I suddenly realized that Donghwa was sobbing while continuing to stare at me as if his eyes were shedding regrets in his heart.


    He stroked my face gently, wiping the tears that incessantly trickled down my face with his thumb while saying in a hoarse voice with deep sorrow.


    "Chunghee, please ... love me once again."

 Chapter 131 - Great Rage!

    No matter how gentle the words were and how subtly they caressed my heart, the pain in them didn''t diminish in the slightest. I felt like I had lost his trust and left a bad impression that made me feel very anxious.


    I turned my face to the side, muttering, "It''s useless. It''s all over."


    Donghwa was silent for a long time after hearing my words, before he slowly moved his body away, then sat in silence beside me.


    Feeling that he was moving away, I slowly turned to him. As soon as our eyes met, I could see the darkness enveloping his eyes like a thick haze. After that, I carefully got up while struggling to push the empathy inside of me away.


    There was silence for a while until Donghwa suddenly exclaimed, "Chunghee, you have a nosebleed!"


    Frantically he was about to clean the blood that was coming out of my nose using the sleeve of his coat. However, before he did, my hand reflexively brushed his hand. I said indifferently, "No need."


    I slightly shifted my body and reached for the tissue box beside the bed, then immediately cleaned the blood around my nose and lips.


    Arguing with him was always alarming. As it went on, it would also make things get worse for me!


    Actually, I had to rest a lot today, but this harsh reality really made me have to put out all the strength I had just for something named ''love''.


    Before I finished cleaning the blood, Donghwa suddenly stood up and pulled my hand firmly. "We have to go to the hospital now."


    Those words were a firm-sounding command. His face that looked more serious than before confirmed everything.


    However, I was as stubborn as Donghwa when it came to myself. I roughly pulled my hand back to my chest and refused the offer, "No need. I told you, I don''t like being forced by you!"


    He didn''t say anything. He only returned to pull my arm roughly so that I fell out of the bed. Turning for a moment, without pity he then pulled my arm up to make me stand up, but I tried so hard to hold my body so that it caused the pain in my arm as if it was going to break.


    "It hurts, you jerk!" I shouted. "Are you going to break my arm?! Get off me!"


    He turned his head, glared at me. He was completely different from before when he showed his pathetic face.


    Does he intend to set me up again?


    He said in a flat tone, "You don''t want to come home with me, so I''m taking you to the hospital."


    As soon as he finished his sentence, he bent down and immediately lifted my body. With great surprise, I struggled for him to put me down immediately, but it was useless. He was very different from Daehyun who always gave in and obeyed my words, or at least asked me something nicely. Donghwa wasn''t that kind of person.


    Before passing through the door, I shouted again as loud as I could, "Donghwa, stop!"


    After that, he immediately stopped walking. He looked at me in disbelief before he slowly put my body down without a word.


    I glanced at him sharply before turning around and headed for the bed.


    It turned out that Donghwa followed me from behind and sat on the bedside. He sighed lethargically as his face turned angry. Even so, when he spoke, it still sounded gentle, "Chunghee, stop being so stubborn like that. Get rid of your anger and come with me to the hospital right now."


    Hearing him say this, there was something like it was blocking my lungs. It felt so tight as if it was choked by a strange object in my throat. Then, with a pathetic expression, I lifted my eyes, and asked, "What did you just say? My anger?"


    Silent, his face turned confused. As soon as he opened his mouth to speak, a heavy slap landed on his face!


    "You think I''m angry ?!"


    After slapping his face, I shouted as I threw the pillow at him with a strong force ¡ª intending to throw him out without words ¡ª as he always said nonsense that pissed me off.


    However, he didn''t even dodge the slightest bit as if he was ready to accept anything, even if I would have slapped him in the face again.


    I gritted my teeth. Now, all those painful things were getting more and more burning inside of me, causing intense outbursts of anger, which I had never even felt before.


    Of the many words that I said and the many explanations I gave to convince him, I didn''t think that he still thought that way.


    Finally, after pausing for a few seconds, I shouted once again, concluding why this separation had to happen.


    "I''m not angry. I''m in pain! It''s because of you! You put me there, you jerk!"


    "All this time, because I always obeyed your shits, you took that chance to fool me! How many times have I said this?! Keeping up with someone who kept hanging my feelings, that''s the stupidest thing I''ve ever done in my life!" I let this feeling flow, as it wanted.


    "You think after knowing all your rottenness and getting all that rudeness of you, do you think I didn''t feel anything? Do you think by showing a smile that I could accept the pains?! Of course, not! It really hurts me, damn Lee! Do you know how I felt when I called you but heard you were making love to someone else? It hurt me! You always lied to me, it hurt me too! But I ignored them because I was trying to stand once again because of this fucking relationship!"


    "Just so you know, all of that can''t make me angry, other than hurt!" With a pause, I continued, "You said you''re going to fix everything ... fix what?! Me? You can''t fix me because I''m not broken, idiot! You can never fix this relationship either if one of us feels hurt! If even if I come back to you, everything will not be the same as before!"


    I kept shouting until my throat ached like vomiting many glasses. "I am in pain because of all this bullshit! All this time I have continued to stand for this but it turns out it''s useless! Nothing hurts more than fighting for nothing in this world! So, do you still think that you can fix everything?!"


    "Chunghee ...."


    "Shut up!" I looked at him angrily, and said," If you think I''m angry with you, then now I''m really angry with you! I''m not angry at this relationship but I''m angry because you made me fall in love with you, but in the end, you played with me."


    I paused for a second, then laughed hollowly. "But, I can still appreciate that. At least, you guys didn''t make love in my bed. Or ... maybe you guys had done it while I was working? If so, you cleaned our room well. I never smelled the scent of your cum in there. You know, just smelling someone else''s scent on your clothes almost made me want to puke, moreover¡ª"


    Instantly Donghwa pulled my body, and in an instant, I was in his arms. I could clearly hear the sound of his rapid breathing and racing heart. "I swear. I never did that dirty thing in there."


    I cried loudly. However, I believe what he said. He couldn''t possibly dare to do that.


    Any longer in this position had turned the atmosphere a little calmer.


    When no one spoke to each other, suddenly Donghwa''s voice was heard gently, "Okay, then. I give up. Even doing a defense, you will still blame me, right? Yeah, this is my fault." pausing, he continued, "So now tell me, what do I have to do to make up for the mistake?"


    Stunned, suddenly a sense of guilt emerged from the other side of my heart. I never expected that he would ask such a question. It almost made me melt, but luckily, a little strength still kept me standing. Then, I replied in a low voice, "I just want you to leave ¡ª disappear from my life ¡ª Never see me again."


    After saying this, Donghwa slowly freed my body as he looked at me with disappointment at his shady face. His two hands were still on mine and spoke, "So, I really won''t get that chance?"


    He lifted his eyebrows, waiting for an answer. However, not wanting him to wish that way, I looked away; showing reluctance to comment.


    He suddenly laughed hallowly that sounded like someone who had lost his sanity.


    Feeling astonished, I glanced at him to make sure he could understand. But, before I found the answer, he already lowered his head.


    His head hung so I couldn''t see how his expression was. But, when I saw the teardrops that were falling and the more, I knew he was crying. It made me feel like I was the only one who ''hurt'' him in this situation.


    Right now, I really wanted to hug him and tell him not to cry over this decision, yet I couldn''t. I had to hold back my pity to make him realize that this was the reality that we had to face.


    After calming down enough, he lifted his head, showed many tear marks on his face, and said, "I''ll do it. But, I have to confirm something ... do you regret to have a relationship with me?"


    My breath gasped all of a sudden. For a few seconds, my body had a serious malfunction. I couldn''t move and even forgot to breathe.


    What answer should I give?


    Faking the truth or telling the truth?

 Chapter 132 - Final Decision (1)

    While thinking about that, a decision appeared in my head. Taking a silent breath, I replied, "I will never regret it. I chose to be with you and I chose to go. I have nothing to regret."


    I paused for a moment, took a deep breath while closed my eyes to calm my burning heart. Then, as I said again, it all hurt again, "Donghwa, I have no regrets about being in a relationship with you. Now, please, get out of here ... from my life too."


    Donghwa didn''t give any response. He only kept looking at me with an expression that I had never seen before.


    In the past, I had seen him grieve and even cried in my arms but didn''t look as miserable as he was now, wherein his eyes there was only despair as if there was no luminous future he could see other than the boundless void with no direction and goals.


    He then slightly lowered his gaze but didn''t say anything yet.


    Seeing that he was reluctant to leave, I reminded him, "You said you gave up, now leave."


    As soon as I finished my words, he slowly lifted his eyes, still revealing the same expression. However, since he had not even said a word, I urged him a little, "What are you waiting for?"


    He didn''t answer immediately and seemed to be trying to smile but failed. He finally said in a low voice that sounded sad, "In the past, you told me when we''re still in college. You said you wanted to live on Jeju Island to spend old age together after we retired."


    "...."


    "I''ve bought land in Jeju and I''m going to build a house for you. I fought for it for two years because it was very difficult to get a building permit there. But finally, a few months ago I managed to get a permit from the local government." He smiled hollowly, then continued regretfully, "I intended to give you a surprise that day but because of my folly we had to argue and cause all this to happen."


    I was startled when I heard that expression. However, since saying that would be useless, I replied as calmly as I could, "It was just a dream from the past, no longer exists now. After all, why are you bringing it up now? Do you want to whine for something back again?"


    "No." He answered. His voice sounded shaking. "It''s just that I feel I need to say what I should have said before. Otherwise, I''ll be sorry all my life for never telling you."


    With a pause, he revealed a completely unexpected thing, "Actually, I''ve been lying to you about my parents too."


    My eyebrows creased. I asked confusedly, "What do you mean?"


    "I had told you at the time that my parents were divorced, but actually they didn''t. I just took that excuse to cover up the truth."


    "What truth?" I asked curiously again.


    "They know that we are in a relationship¡ª"


    Before he could finish his words, he coughed a few times suddenly. He turned around and kept coughing, so I touched his back worriedly but couldn''t say a word.


    I was shocked when I heard his words, but it didn''t last long. When I saw Donghwa who looked unwell, I instinctively worried about him.


    However, seeing his condition being thinner than before, I was sure that he wasn''t all right.


    After he felt better, he turned his body towards me, took my hand, and held it warmly. He then placed it on his face and I could see that he gradually felt comfortable.


    I pulled my hand quickly. The warmth he had could make me change my mind, so being indifferent was the best way to run.


    "Donghwa, go home and rest," I said.


    "I haven''t continued with my words."


    "No need."


    Seemingly, he didn''t care about those words. He smiled, then continued to tell, "After they found out, they asked me to return to Gwangju. I don''t need to tell how my father scolded me at that time. All you need to know is how I could return to you."


    Donghwa''s words couldn''t stop surprising me.


    With curiosity, I stared at him as if asking him to immediately state the reason.


    "My father asked me to break up with you but I didn''t want to. So, he gave me a choice between family and you. Of course, this stupid me chose you." He laughed hollowly, describing how heavy the choice was. "I knew that you would ask to break up with me if you found out about this, so I lied to you about their divorce¡ª"


    "Seriously?!" I interrupted, not expecting him to hide this stuff for years. "Ten years you hid this from me?! You¡ª"


    "Chunghee ...," Donghwa cut off my words, "Don''t be angry as if you''re still my lover. It hurts. I''m saying this now because I don''t think we''re lovers anymore, so there''s no problem to say it."


    I gritted my teeth, suddenly fell silent. He was right that I shouldn''t be angry anymore. Both of us were nothing anymore.


    Donghwa added, "But if only our relationship continues, one day I want to be honest about this. But, what can I do? Persuading you no matter how persistent I am, you will still stick to your belief."


    Paused, a smile etched on his face. "You want me to go away and disappear from your life, don''t you? If that''s the case, I will do that. I already said that I would do anything for you ¡ª whatever it is. Because I still love you so much, your happiness is important for me."


    "I can''t force you .... you''re right. I can''t force someone who no longer wants to come back to me no matter how much I love him. The relationship will only be something awkward, right? But ...." He looked at me deeply, expressing his sincerity to his words, "If one day you change your mind, I will always accept you ¡ª I will always wait for you ¡ª forever."


    Finishing his words, he laughed hollowly again for a while before his face grew somber and immediately filled with emptiness.


    "But, I''m not leaving without giving you anything. At least, the treasure belongs to both of us, so I''ll give 70% to you. Hoonsik will bring the letter tomorrow for you to sign. Use the money to leave Kim. You will only get heartache if you stay with him. He will marry and you will be dumped by him. Never expect loyalty from him. So, you better leave him before he has to do it one day."


    I was stunned as soon as I heard those words and thought that there was no one faithful in this world. No one could be trusted. No one could keep promises. Everything would end up in grief one day. Either we leave the loved ones we had or were abandoned by them out of arguments or death.


    Everyone in this world lied since they were babies and sometimes, that''s what kept us alive.


    Strove for happiness and went through suffering but in the end, nothing we could bring to death.


    I could only laugh inside as I remembered how brilliant the concepts in this world were.


    Until Donghwa spoke again and broke my mind, "Chunghee, leave him. If I can''t have you, then he can''t have you either."


    I was stunned for a moment before shifting my body and lying down. Pulling the covers, I answered in a low voice, "Whatever decision I make is none of your business. Now, go away. Also, you don''t have to give me anything. Just save your money for business and that young man, Cho Sunyeon."


    "Chunghee, don''t mention his name. I don''t like it ...." Donghwa''s tone was firm, but still sounded gentle in my ears.


    As soon as I said the young man''s name, I remembered something. I glanced at Donghwa while reassuring him, "Sunyeon ... the young man who had come to our apartment, right? He''s a nice guy I think. I''m sure he can take good care of you."


    Donghwa didn''t give any response regarding what I just said. He just held my hand, then changed the conversation, "I have complied with you as compensation. Now, may I also ask something of you?"


    Without saying anything, I stared at him, waiting for him to say what he wanted to ask.


    "I want you to promise me to go to the hospital. Use the money I give you for your recovery and the rest for your living expenses. Every month, I''ll ask Hoonsik to send you money. So, you don''t need to work anymore. If you mind accepting this favor, then think of me as your... friend." He sighed for a moment, then continued, "You don''t want to be with me anymore, so you have to take care of yourself. I will ask Doctor Jeong to provide the best service for you. I will take care of everything before leaving you completely."


    My forehead was immediately wrinkled. I couldn''t believe that he knew the doctor, I asked him to make sure, "D-do you know him?"

 Chapter 133 - Final Decision (2)

    "Chunghee, I already know everything. You don''t need to hide anything from me again. The most important thing right now is your recovery. Even though I really wanted to accompany you, but I can''t ... I can''t. You have decided it and I have to obey you. So, for the last time, I beg you to strive for your recovery." He smiled at the pause of his words, revealing a sadness that was shrouded in his heart, then said deeply, "You can hate me, but don''t let your hatred make you have to ignore your own condition. This is the last time, so please listen to my words this time, okay?"


    I was stunned when I heard his words. After all, those words seemed to be breaking my heart at once. The pain in his words was so intense, made me want to run and scream as loud as I could, vomiting up the feelings that had weighed on me all this time.


    When I heard the words "for the last time", all the light in my life disappeared instantly as if I was going to live in darkness all my life.


    I never thought that those words would be spoken by either of us one day. And today, I just heard it directly from his mouth.


    Heh ... for the last time ...


    Yes, since separating from him, today was the beginning of our meeting and it would also be the last for us.


    That''s the final decision I chose.


    There was no longer words ''next time'' or even a hope of returning to the way it used to be.


    When that sentence came out, then that''s the truth. This meeting was the last meeting between a couple who used to dream of having a lifelong relationship.


    But, are we really not in love with each other anymore?


    It was my decision and selfishly, I forced this on him.


    Is this what is called a one-sided decision?


    Will there be consequences someday?


    Thinking about it, I felt that this situation was unfair. By deciding something like that, I intended to make him stay away and find some peace. However, it''s far from what I expected. Everything felt broken and what hurt the most was me, who seemed to destroy this relationship with my own hands.


    The peace I hoped for never existed. There was only misery that I could clearly see in front of my eyes at this time.


    But, why did I still decide this?


    Was this foolishness or carelessness?


    It didn''t feel that different from cutting my own veins. It all ended bitterly even though it sounded so convincing at first.


    Why, why did that decision backfire which hurt me even more?


    That''s totally unfair.


    "Chunghee?"


    His gentle voice snapped me from my reverie. I stared at him for a moment before asking in surprise, "How did you know? Who told you?"


    He answered without hesitation, "Daehyun said it ... accidentally." He paused for a moment, then continued, "Actually, I wanted to ask your reasons, why didn''t you tell me about your true condition? Why weren''t you honest with me in the first place? But, with our current situation, I better not ask that. It''s useless. I know that. Now, I just want you to get well. Continue your treatment. You have to live well in the future."


    He paused for a second, then laughed hollowly. "Actually I''m mad at you. I''m really mad at you about this. I don''t know why you didn''t want to be honest about this from the start. What''s wrong with you?"


    I gripped the blanket tightly. Hearing those words, I felt displeased. I knew I wanted us to break up, but as soon as I heard words that seemed to depict our breakup, I realized that it was too painful to bear.


    "Just so you know, much wrong with me. But, like what I said before, you can''t fix me."


    After this conversation, the silence between us lasted quite a while. The room was completely silent without any of us talking.


    I turned my gaze out of the window, gazing at the sunny weather, now became cloudy with a strong wind. Then, I swept my gaze again towards Donghwa who seemed to be thinking about something while lowering his head.


    In this silence, I voiced, "Why are you still here?"


    He slowly lifted his head, looked at me with a smile but it didn''t reach his eyes. He replied in a low voice, "You want me to go right away?"


    I nodded slowly in response. Even if it''s hard, this was the decision I had chosen. I knew that I wasn''t okay with this decision and was in great torment mentally. But, this was how it ended.


    In the past, we imagined a bright future, but the reality was far from what we had ever imagined.


    "Okay, then, go to sleep. I''ll leave when you''re asleep," Donghwa said.


    I frowned and looked at him in surprise. Previously, I had intended to ask the meaning of his words, but I felt that it was nothing important again, so I just said, "I''m not sleepy."


    "Then I won''t go either. You don''t sleep, so I don''t leave."


    Even though he said the words gently, the sentence itself had a pretty strong ''urging'' meaning. Then, as if without a choice, I heavily close my eyes.


    After all, what happened today wouldn''t make me sleepy. Nor was I sure that I would sleep well tonight.


    However, a few moments after I closed my eyes, Donghwa''s body started to move and his hands were already hugging me from behind. Now, he was laying behind me, hugging me tightly.


    This sudden action took me by surprise. I immediately looked back and exclaimed, "Donghwa, what are you doing?!"


    Donghwa didn''t answer while closing his eyes.


    I was momentary stunned. The gentleness on his face seemed to repeat the past ¡ª a classic tale of our good times ¡ª it seemed to make me want to go back to our past story. As difficult as it was, that time was better than all the obstacles that existed today.


    Without opening his eyes, Donghwa spoke, "Go to sleep. I promise, when you wake up, you won''t see me here."


    I wanted to ask, "Why? For what?" But I was speechless. The feeling that was channeled from his tone made me lose my words. So, as soon as I heard his sentence, made me believe that he would keep his words.


    After a few moments, his deep and deep voice was heard again, "Chunghee, I don''t like seeing kiss marks on your neck. Next time, if Kim forces you, you have to firmly refuse him. Don''t let him touch you again. I know I have no right again to say this but I beg you, don''t let him touch you again."


    The tone of his voice sounded conveying many feelings in his heart as if the deep sorrow he felt he could no longer express. So, as he spoke again, I could hear a terrible sadness in it. "Chunghee, don''t let him touch you. I don''t like it ... I don''t like it ... I shouldn''t be angry anymore, but now I''m really angry."


    He''s not lying. Even though he said the words gently like saying, "Go to sleep, good night", the anger in his heart couldn''t be hidden. He clasped his hands together as if he was going to crush something.


    Hearing his words, I slowly opened my eyes. Then, without moving, I said, "He never forced me. We did it because I allowed him. Stop prejudice against him. He''s done so much for me. I''ll be mad if you always blame him."


    "Heh."


    The word "heh" already revealed how annoyance was blooming on his chest. He then sneered softly, "Now, you always seem to defend him. I have known you for a long time and I know that you will never want to do that for real. I know you have to."


    He took a deep breath and said in a warning tone, "Don''t be with him anymore. It''s better if you leave him. I''m not lying to you if he''s getting married. It doesn''t matter if he loves you, he will still leave you. Even in the end, you two are together, your relationship will not be last long. I don''t want you to suffer."


    I fell silent, couldn''t reply to those words. I knew that it would happen and I didn''t care about myself as if I had lost all hope in my life. So, being abandoned once again won''t be worth my split with Donghwa today.


    Not getting any reply, Donghwa also fell silent behind my back. Then, moments later, he suddenly asked, "Do you really like him? Do you really love him?"


    I lost my mind for a moment before replying in a low voice as if a lot of burdens were on my tongue as I churned out the words. "Don''t mind my business. Mind your own business."


    He was heard laughing hollowly. "All right, you''re right."


    A few seconds after those words, he asked again, "Then, what about that scarf? Do you always wear it?"

 Chapter 134 - Its Really Over!

    I shifted my gaze to the scarf that was hanging in the corner of the room, then replied indifferently, "What''s wrong? Daehyun gave it to me yesterday, of course, I will wear it."


    After finishing my words, he suddenly fell silent as if something had just locked his lips. However, even so, I could feel his hands embracing me tighter and tighter as if our bodies were about to become one in agony and misery.


    I asked again in surprise, "What''s wrong?"


    Donghwa leaned his head on my back and replied very calmly, "Nothing. I just feel happy ¡ª go to sleep."


    Happy?


    I could even hear his voice that didn''t reveal any pleasant from inside of his heart. Then, he said that ''he felt happy''?


    He indeed wasn''t good at hiding something like his affair.


    Actually, Donghwa''s attitude that became very calm all of a sudden made me feel that he was weird now. He was a person who wouldn''t hesitate to throw a tantrum if things were beyond his plans, but today he showed himself to be a gentle and strict man.


    I wondered if he wanted me to sleep on purpose so I wouldn''t see him leave ... or what?


    However, the more I wanted to find out the answer, the more I felt that the questions were starting to appear one by one and becoming more and more. Due to the many questions in my head right now, I was afraid that asking him any question would change my decision.


    The longer he had been here, I didn''t feel like letting him go. At least, that''s how I felt even though my lips often denied many things from within my own heart.


    I was silent, trying hard to sleep so that Donghwa would leave as he promised. However, how persistently I tried to sleep, made my head even stronger to remember the memories that were engraved on the history of our relationship. It gave rise to blooming sparks that spread a powder of mourning.


    I felt that I was going insane when my mind began to open the memories that I had closed tightly in my heart.


    A while later, Donghwa probably thought that I was sleeping. So, he got up secretly, and I knew that he was looking at me right now before he finally embraced me tightly.


    Currently, he was on top of me. I could feel his weight and I was sure that he had lost weight lately. After all, I had been pleasing him under his body for years, so I knew that he got thinner than before.


    His physic changed significantly during our separation. Not only his body that was getting thinner but also his face. Ever since he came, I had noticed how the wrinkles under his eyes made him look older than his real age. He was far from being a good-looking man, whom many men and women alike were fond of, and I knew that he was no longer taking care of himself.


    I was sad to see the changes in him but also wanted to laugh at him. All this time, he had been nothing without me, but who knew what made him even more stupid to do all this without thinking, would he be able to take care of everything alone? All the reasons he gave were just like the boasting of a child who didn''t want to be blamed for too long.


    However, I didn''t want to comment on anything and keep pretending to sleep in quietness so that he would quickly leave this place.


    This had already been decided and couldn''t be changed as if heaven and the earth were witnesses of our separation. And if that promise was broken, the two witnesses would get wrath.


    Besides, I didn''t have to worry about him any longer either. A man like him, who was good at flirting with someone, would find someone else easier to replace me. So, he would be fine after this.


    He was heard sighing softly, tingling my neck. Shortly thereafter, he began to say something deeply, "Chunghee, I''m leaving ... I''m leaving ..." There was a sob sounding through his words, "Actually, I don''t want to leave but I have to ¡ª you asked me. If only I obeyed my ego, then I have kidnapped you. I just don''t want you to be tortured when you are with me, so I have to give up on you."


    "Chunghee, leave Kim and continue your treatment. I will never forgive myself if anything happens to you. So, please, this time, don''t think stupid to die this way. I will go and I promise you will never see me again, so don''t use me as an excuse to not continue your treatment."


    I gasped in my heart at his words. He even knew that. No matter how deep I hid something, he could even know everything.


    He said again, "You know, after this, I don''t know if I''ll fall in love again or not ¡ª but I don''t think I will. It''s very hard to find someone like you or maybe there''s no more. Maybe, if I find someone, he won''t be the same as you, and that will make our relationship not last long. You''re the only one in this world, so I decide that I will never fall in love again."


    "And about Sunyeon, everything I have told you is true. I wasn''t lying. It''s just that I''m stupid about romance, so I never use my brain. But, of all my stupidity in this matter of love, there are things that I believe aren''t a stupid thing that I did, where I know for sure that I love you so much to the point of time, even when I die. That''s the only truth that I will never regret in my life. Maybe, if you heard these words, you would think that this just bullshit from a jerk like me. But, I can feel it ... right here ... in my heart, that it really is."


    He was silent for a while before I finally felt Donghwa gently kiss my forehead.


    "Chunghee ... goodbye."


    As soon as I heard that farewell, at once my heart was burning. I slowly felt my chest start to tighten due to the intense pain that appeared like a hard blow inside of me.


    I kind of wanted to open my eyes and shout as loud as I could, "Don''t say that!". However, what could this stupid me do? I couldn''t even open my lips or move my body as if my whole body went numb.


    After his words, he immediately got up. Then, he was heard calling someone.


    "Hey, Kim, I want to talk to you. Where are you now?"


    I wanted to hear their conversation on the phone a little longer, but my ears were buzzing out of the sobs I had been holding up. It also made my whole body unable to function normally as usual, made me feel completely broken but I was the only one who broke myself. It felt even heavier than I thought.


    After he spoke on the phone, Donghwa''s footsteps began to drift away, then disappeared as the door closed. As soon as I was sure that he wasn''t in this room anymore, my body, which couldn''t be moved, suddenly moved. I got out of bed, pushed back the blanket, then ran as hard as I could to the old window in this bedroom.


    Beyond the window, I looked at Donghwa who walked towards the car that was parked in front of the house with tears in my eyes. I squeezed my chest as if to crush my heart. If only I could break my heart with my own hands, I wanted to break it now so that I could die as soon as possible without having to go through the day after day, where I knew it would be days full of suffering.


    I kept staring at Donghwa while shouting inside, "You idiot! You said you would break my leg if I dared to leave you?! Then, what?! Why didn''t you do that?!"


    Donghwa''s words kept ringing in my head. He said he would never let me go and threatened to break my legs if only I left him. But, apparently, that was simply a bluff of him. It was just a threat to make me stay with him.


    Still sobbing, my heart kept screaming incessantly, "Donghwa, turn around! I want to see your face one last time! Turn around and look at me!"


    However, in the end, he didn''t even do it. I thought the same as when I left for the first time, where if he turned around and persuaded me one more time, then I would go home with him. But, since he didn''t, then this relationship was really over.


    I felt that I was really pathetic.


    I didn''t know what my heart wanted. Everything was confusing inside of me.


    Now, the car sped up and disappeared down the hill, leaving a trace of the pain I knew would be permanent in my heart.


    As soon as Donghwa''s figure disappears from my sight, I hoped that all the memories about him would also disappear as our relationship no longer continued.


    However, what I hoped for never happened. By crying, the shadows of him seemed to fill my head. Nothing was fine in all of this but destruction as the end of everything.

 Chapter 135 - Intending To Run Away Once Again

    As soon as Donghwa left, I could see the future disappearing with him from my sight. And as I tried to look for another one, I couldn''t find a new future that promised happiness other than a long and endless gloom.


    I thought, in our previous relationship, it was Donghwa who was the dumbest. However, I just realized that I was the only dumbest person here ¡ª a person who was stubborn and didn''t want to admit his own feelings ¡ª I was stupid and insane.


    If people find out about this, then they would laugh at how stupid I was with my decision as if they were laughing at a joke in a comedy scene.


    My fear of starting a new relationship with Donghwa made me feel like a person who had just lost his true self.


    There was a strong desire to become one with him like before, but once I thought about how he accused me, scolded me, forced me, tortured me, those all scared me. And, when the chance came once again to both of us, I was like someone who really hated him.


    I could feel how the pain was eating away at my heart.


    In the solitude, I closed the curtains with trembling hands, then turned around, and leaned limply against the wall. I slumped slowly, dropping myself on the ground as if my body no longer had the muscles and bones to stand on. I was like a lump of flesh that would soon rot and be eaten by maggots.


    I unconsciously looked up and cried as loud as I could, crying over all the things I couldn''t mention one by one as I began to imagine how cruelly I said my words to him.


    Perhaps, saying everything was the thing that should be done. But, as soon as I finished saying many complaints to him and thought that I had got over it all, nothing felt better inside of me right now.


    However, on the other hand, my heart kept trying to comfort myself who was buried in grief by continuing to convince me that this pain wouldn''t last long. But, what I felt now was far from what I could bear. I didn''t know how long I could endure the pains and burdens on my back.


    Sobbing in solitude, suddenly Donghwa''s words crossed my mind, stunned me with tears that kept flowing like heavy rainwater that fell after a long drought. I slowly lowered my face, staring at the floor blankly.


    "Chunghee, leave Kim ...."


    "He''s getting married ...."


    "I love you...."


    "Goodbye...."


    Donghwa''s words randomly played in my head like a broken cassette, causing my mind to become very chaotic.


    After grappling with my own thoughts, it was then that I realized that maybe I was better off alone ...


    I was silent for a long time as if my mind was drifting in the air aimlessly and forgot my way home to return. Then, as soon as I regained consciousness, I looked at the scarf hanging from the corner of the room and started thinking about leaving.


    Yes ... while Daehyun wasn''t here, then this would be a good time to leave... I had failed to run away on the first chance, and maybe on this second chance, I would succeed to do that where no one would find my hiding place.


    With trembling legs, I tried to stand up and walked towards the bed where Daehyun put the bag. Sitting on the bedside, then I reached out to grab the bag and opened it. I took out a few tens of won and my card which I remembered, had several thousand won in it. I thought that''s enough to last the next few months.


    I smiled weakly, thinking that I wouldn''t last for the next few months. I then got up, put on my coat, and took the scarf that was hanging beside the old wardrobe. I confidently walked out of the room, walked down the stairs, and thought that this incident happened twice in my life. First, when I argued with Donghwa. Second, because of Donghwa''s words, it seemed to hypnotize me to leave Daehyun.


    When I was downstairs, I rushed to the door and immediately opened it. However, as soon as the door opened, a tall and sturdy figure also stood right outside, about to open the door.


    I froze instantly, staring at Daehyun silently as if I was a prisoner who had just been caught running away from his cell.


    Before I said a word, Daehyun firmly gripped my wrist. He asked with a firm tone without an expression on his face, "Where are you going?"


    Even though he wasn''t bluffing, his voice sounded cold. "Do you intend to go again? Do you think this way can solve everything?"


    Grimacing in pain, I didn''t say anything other than trying to let go of Daehyun''s grip on my wrist.


    Daehyun stepped in. He slammed the door hard enough so that the sound of the door sounded like a rumble in this narrow room. He had not let go of his hand yet, even gripping my wrist tighter and tighter as if my bones were about to break.


    Finally, unable to stand it, I whimpered, "Let go of me. Let go ..."


    "Where are you going?" Daehyun asked again.


    Hearing the question, I gave up and didn''t struggle anymore. I stretched my arms but not Daehyun. He didn''t even loosen his grip by even an inch.


    I stared at Daehyun for a while. His face looked icy cold, even his eyes looked like a frozen sea. I gritted my teeth, saying, "Daehyun I''m tired. I want to be alone."


    "Where?" Daehyun''s tone sounded higher, "You told him to leave, it means you have made up your mind to be with me. As I told you that you will come with me wherever I go. That''s your decision."


    I lowered my head, hiding my face. His words almost made the tears welling up in my eyes almost to tear. I realized that lately, I had been breaking promises.


    Finally, I ventured to lifted my face, then said what I needed to say, "I chose this decision doesn''t mean I''ll be with you. From the start, I intended to be alone, and now I need to do that."


    "No." Daehyun emphasized, "You choose to leave, then it''s your decision. You can tell me to leave, but staying with you is my choice. I don''t even mind this stupidity. You can be selfish as well as me. You become selfish to yourself and Lee, so I also became selfish to myself and also to you."


    Daehyun paused for a moment, and as soon as he spoke again, his words sounded soothing, "Don''t try to go a second time. If you decide to go, please, tell me so that I''ll go with you."


    I was speechless and unconsciously fell into his arms. After all, I did have to stick to my words. I bravely said many things to Donghwa, so I had to face another person for this choice.


    Daehyun embraced me tightly for a few moments before he let go of his arms and smiled. He wiped my tears and said, "You should rest. You''ve worked hard today, so rest to calm yourself down. Let''s go to the bedroom."


    I thought Daehyun would pull me up to the room, but instead, he carried me like a person who could no longer use his two legs to walk.


    Once we were in the bedroom, Daehyun put me on the bed. He helped me to take off the scarf and coat I was wearing with a smile.


    His face was so bright, looked radiant, burdened by nothing at all.


    Looking at him, I asked, "Daehyun, will everything be okay? Will this pain end soon?"


    I didn''t know what I asked that for, all I knew was that I wanted to hear someone telling me that everything would be okay and this pain would disappear, and Daehyun said what I wanted to hear. It made my heart a little more comfortable.


    However, once I returned to my senses about what had just happened, I felt like my heart broke again.


    I thought that our meeting was short, as an illusion in a dream but left a permanent trail that made me feel trapped in it. Then, when it came to light, it really was bitter to come true.


    Dissolved into the silence, something sparkling appeared out of the corner of my eye. Then, I slowly turned my head towards the shiny object and found a familiar ring laying on the table, reflecting a white glow from the light of this room. I grabbed it, then eyed the writing that was still clearly engraved on this ring.


    "I got him out of my life ..." I muttered softly to myself.


    I felt proud of myself, but my eyes suddenly started crying again. Previously, I never imagined that our relationship would have an ending like this.


    I gripped my ring tightly, then returned to put it in its place while wiping my tears. Shortly after, I was lost in reverie before Daehyun''s deep voice made me awake, "Chunghee, are you mad at me for deciding that?"


    I turned to him, smiled a little, "No. Thanks to you, I was able to express my complaints to him even though not for everything."

 Chapter 136 - A Sudden Statement!

    Daehyun was silent for a moment after hearing my answer. Staring blankly at the floor, he muttered lightly, "This is your last chance, you know. You should know that ...."


    Frowning, I asked in a low voice, "Then, what?"


    Daehyun turned his head at me with an unpredictable gaze. He asked in a cold tone, "Why don''t you come back to him if you end up wanting to run away from me secretly? Is this how you left him?"


    Hearing that question, I immediately lost the words on my tongue. I lowered my gaze and fell silent without a word that could be spoken by my frozen lips.


    Daehyun muttered softly again, "You guys should solve your problem. You know, it''s your chance to fix everything ...."


    Hearing his words, I was stunned before revealing, "I want to go back to him and start a new relationship with him once again. But, I can''t ... I''m afraid ... I''m afraid that he will betray me again."


    Smiling bitterly, I continued, "After all, we did fix everything. He leaves and I''m not coming back either to him ... that''s the decision."


    "Then, why do you want to leave again? You''ve decided this, right? So, stay with me," Daehyun said.


    I was about to answer. However, as soon as I opened my mouth, there was only a heavy sigh that sounded pathetic.


    Since I couldn''t give any answer, I was about to show a smile but I couldn''t. The more I drew a line on my lips upwards, the more scratches would appear in my heart.


    For a moment I was silent after hearing Daehyun''s question. Until a thought made me ask again, "But, Daehyun, has Donghwa been looking for me all this time?"


    He paused for a moment, then answered honestly without covering up anything. His sentence sounded so confident, "Right. He even wanted to see you, but I never let him ¡ª I''m sorry. If he told you about it, then that''s right."


    "Hmm ...." I couldn''t blame him other than to straighten out what I meant, "I don''t mind if you do that either. I just want to hear it from you directly."


    Sighing lethargically, I asked again in a weak voice, "Then, is it true that you told Donghwa about my condition?"


    As soon as Daehyun heard the question, he froze instantly. He stared at me before he lowered his gaze a little, then answered calmly, "Yes. At that time, I was really annoyed with him and accidentally said that ¡ª sorry."


    Daehyun was indeed an honest person. It kept people who were angry with him couldn''t scold him for too long. Like now, I actually didn''t want to accept any excuses from him, but because of his honesty, I forgave him.


    I shifted my eyes towards the ceiling of the room and drifted into silence, thinking about many things in my head. Hearing Daehyun spoke honestly like this, I smiled gently.


    In the silence of us, I suddenly thought of something, so I asked for the upteenth time, "Do you think my decision is the right thing?"


    Before answering, Daehyun was heard sighed heavily. "Chunghee, look, whatever the decision is, if you think it through without a hitch from your other feelings, that decision will always be the right thing. If you decide this with all your heart, then everything will be fine. Don''t worry."


    The answer took my breath away. It sounded accurate that a well-thought-out decision could never go wrong.


    Without a hitch from your other feelings ...


    As usual, Daehyun was very good at telling the truth. A person who knew everything like him always knew someone''s heart. Nothing could run from it. No matter how good he was at hiding his feelings, Daehyun could still read it by what he saw on the person''s face.


    Perhaps, he was a person with strong instincts.


    Of course, as soon as I heard the answer, I immediately realized that I was making my decision with a lot of argument inside myself and until now, I didn''t know for sure whether this was the right choice or even plunging me into the wounds that got even worse than this.


    Without realizing it, I shed tears. I wiped my tears repeatedly, but it incessantly ran down my face as the pain in my heart swelled even more like it was about to burst my chest.


    I cried silently. As these wounds inside were so painful, I couldn''t even show any expression of pain on my face.


    Seeing me sobbing, Daehyun held my hand. He tried to cheer him up by the words, "You''ve done your best ¡ª good job." He paused for a moment, groping his jacket pocket, and taking out some colorful candy He handed me the candy while saying, "And, as a gift, I have much candy for you. A kid gave this to me when I was waiting for you to talk to him. It tastes sweet ... just like you." There was a smile at the end of his words.


    I looked at the candy in Daehyun''s hand and smiled gently. Seeing the bright colors of the candy, I felt better right now. I reached out and grabbed one candy, then ate it.


    The sweetness in this candy made me almost cry. It''s not out of pain, but I just felt touched. After tasting a lot of bitterness lately, I almost forgot how sweet this sweetness was on my tongue.


    "How does it taste? Good?" Daehyun asked in a cheerful tone.


    I smiled and nodded in agreement. "It''s sweet. I like it."


    Daehyun smiled broadly, he put the candy on my lap and replied eagerly, "Then, eat them all. I don''t really like such sweet foods."


    I just kept smiling while chewing the candy in my mouth slowly.


    After this conversation, there was a long pause filling our conversation with a void for a few moments before finally Daehyun spoke, saying what he might have wanted to say.


    "Chunghee, I''m going to take you to France."


    As soon as I heard that statement, I froze instantly. I felt the sweet taste on my tongue suddenly become bland and gradually tasted so bitter as if I was going to vomit it up. I shifted my gaze towards him, and frowned, showing how shocked I was to hear those words in silence.


    It seemed like he knew what I was going to ask, so he immediately explained, "You''ve decided to leave him, haven''t you? So, I will take you away with me. You will continue your medical treatment there. But, before that ..."


    Before Daehyun could finish his words, I immediately cut off his sentence, "Wait, why are you so sudden saying this?"


    Daehyun smiled gently, showing a calm face. "It doesn''t matter, right?" He held my hand before revealing, "I''ll take care of all your needs, but ...."


    He paused as if he was thinking about something in a daze before continuing his words, "But, all of that requires your completing documents."


    "Heh, drop it." I lowered my gaze a little before replying, " I left them in the apartment."


    "...."


    Lifting my gaze, I asked in surprise, "But, why do we have to go there?"


    "I ... I can''t stay here too long¡ª"


    Before Daehyun finished his sentence, I interrupted, "Don''t you want to get married soon? Do you want to run away and take me with you?"


    "No! Who said that?" Daehyun emphasized, "I have a business there that I have to take care of."


    I smiled without saying anything. After all, forcing him to admit it was just useless.


    Sighing, he said, "Alright. I''ll take care of everything so that your documents can be finished as soon as possible and after that, we can go abroad. I''ll work on it."


    I had not given any response yet. I felt unsettled by that one-sided decision.


    Daehyun said again, "And tomorrow, we will go to Busan to check your condition. If the doctor says you have to do the surgery this week, then you have to comply. For further treatment, you can do it in France."


    I smiled mockingly after hearing that statement.


    "It''s useless. I''m going to die."


    "Don''t give up!" Daehyun almost yelled. He said irritably, "How do you know that? You never know that! Don''t make stupid excuses because I won''t listen to them again. You get it?"


    I stared at him silently before briefly answering. "Heh, okay."


    There''s nothing I could say other than agreeing with a heavy heart.


    "Fine. Then you agreed to go to the hospital tomorrow, right?"


    "Okay."


    "Good. I want you to listen to what I said like this."


    "Okay."


    Because he only got the word "okay", Daehyun''s face turned cold. He glared at me, then said in a cold tone, "I''m serious."


    "Okay."


    Daehyun took a deep breath, he looked at me for a moment before he stood up and said, "Okay. I have some business for a while, so I have to go first. I''ll be back soon."


    After he said that, he immediately walked out.


    I took a deep breath, thinking about taking a short nap.


    I laid down, staring at the ceiling, imagining something crumbling in my mind. Everything looked messy and couldn''t be put back together as before. Until I unconsciously fell asleep and woke up in the afternoon, everything was still the same ¡ª broken up ¡ª leaving nothing ¡ª even when night fell, it was longer than tonight.


    ***

 Chapter 137 - Kim Daehyun: It Was Like Alimony After Their Divorce

    As soon as the sun broke on the firmament, the dark sky slowly turned bright blue, and the cold of the night was immediately replaced by the warmth of the morning sun which brought fresh air from the east.


    Outside, the weather seemed to be sunny with the sun was shining as if it smiled to greet people who were going to do their activities today.


    The snow didn''t fall and the temperature was a little warmer than the previous days this winter, which made anyone feel delighted.


    In the backyard, I smoke while staring at the droughty gardenia tree in front of me. Smoked cigarette occasionally on my finger, I imagined my childhood that seemed colorless before I knew Chunghee.


    He was the only color in my life, bringing me back from dark days of solitude. Even though Chunghee had never invited me to visit this place before, I was sure that this place used to have some gardenias growing here. Not surprisingly, the aroma of gardenia was still lingering and could still be felt by the senses.


    I smiled. Recalling the past, where we used to often meet at the riverbank to tell the many things we had been through the previous day, I felt a strong nostalgic feeling suddenly appear in my heart. I still remembered how Chunghee''s expression, who always blushed when talking to me, revealing that he was a shy person in the past.


    However, as soon as I compared him to how he was now, I felt that a fit of anger suddenly filled my heart ¡ª getting me angry ¡ª at the person who made Chunghee have to lose himself ¡ª because of the many disappointments he had faced.


    Since the first time, he was a friendly person and always cheerful. He wasn''t a quiet person, it''s just that he became shy when he met new people. However, once we got to know him, we would know how that smile looked beautiful on his face.


    It was as if I was walking in a time dimension where our togetherness was summed up briefly in my head, made me believe that he was the nicest friend I ever had and was the only friend I fell in love with.


    However, the joyful togetherness didn''t last long as the bad conditions of my family forced us to leave this city. It made me regret it, but I couldn''t blame anyone but just keep quiet and curse in my heart.


    How could I not? Living in that damn family truly made me feel like under house arrest for a dozen years where many rules couldn''t be broken. It also made me unable to know many people and not knowing how to greet a friend so that all my friends at that time turned away from me as they thought of me as selfish. I even remembered what one of them said, saying that I was an outspoken and sarcastic person.


    Now, when I looked back on my memories, made me want to laugh. They just didn''t know that I was someone who was just trying to get along with them but didn''t know how to do that.


    Having no friends or people who didn''t want to be friends with me was what made me feel the most that living in a family was a curse.


    Drifting into this thought, I glanced at my watch, which was already showing eight o''clock in the morning before rubbing the tip of the cigarette on the frame, then went into the house to see Chunghee in the bedroom.


    I started to feel anxious because Chunghee had not come down from the room yet. So, I hurriedly climbed the stairs, then immediately entered the room.


    Once inside, I was startled to see Chunghee sitting on the floor wiping the blood on his face.


    With panic, I immediately approached him. When I was near him, I immediately knelt and asked anxiously, "What happened?! Why didn''t you call me down there?!"


    "How could I shout? I even have a hard time talking," he replied indifferently.


    I didn''t reply and just gritted my teeth.


    As soon as he finished cleaning the blood on his face, he immediately stood up with difficulty, so I took initiative to help him, asking anxiously, "What happened?"


    "I got a nosebleed."


    "Are you okay?"


    He nodded his head weakly in answer.


    Seeing the response didn''t make me feel relieved. However, Chunghee wasn''t someone who wanted to be honest with his own condition, so I asked anxiously once again to make sure, "Chunghee, are you really okay?"


    He nodded slowly. "Now, I''m fine. It''s just that I have trouble walking. I can''t walk too long when we get to the hospital."


    "Then we can leave once your condition gets better."


    Hearing my words, he suddenly smiled, but the smile was like a mockery of my words. "After my condition gets better ... really? These days, I never felt my condition got better."


    I was splashed, speechless.


    Until he returned to speak in a weak tone, "It''s okay. I can still push myself, so let''s go now. Your driver must have been waiting downstairs a long time ago. If you wait for me to get better, it will never happen."


    Hearing Chunghee''s words that sounded indifferent, I immediately felt irritated. I couldn''t snap at him directly, so I tried to be firm with him. Unfortunately, it ended in a mockery of my words.


    "Chunghee, stop saying things like that. What''s wrong with you, huh? Are you feeling frustrated that you have made Lee leave your life?"


    Instantly Chunghee glanced at me. Although he didn''t say "Don''t talk too much," the glance itself had a deeper meaning than just words. It made me pause for an instant.


    As soon as he walked out of the room, I followed him from behind. I was about to help him walk but immediately discouraged me after seeing that his mood wasn''t good.


    Downstairs, he had not said a word and I was sure that something was wrong with him. However, since I thought that he was just still feeling uneasy after his decision yesterday, I also didn''t want to comment on anything, thinking that he just needed to calm his heart in a silent way.


    When I was about to open the door, a familiar person was right in front of the door with a document in his hand. Chunghee and I gasped suddenly as well as him.


    A figure dressed neatly in a suit, smiling. It was Yoon Hoonsik, Lee''s confidant. He bowed respectfully, then glanced at Chunghee behind me with a smile, then said in a friendly and polite manner, "Mr. Park, Mr. Lee has arranged the documents for your support. Please sign them." He handed a brown folder towards Chunghee.


    I looked back, seeing how Chunghee would respond. However, as soon as he saw the folder, he immediately turned his face to the side as if it was an indirect form of rejection that he had given.


    I turned my face towards Yoon Hoonsik in front of me before grabbing the folder. Before opening it, I asked, "What are these documents for?"


    "Um ..." Hoonsik replied reluctantly, "It''s a document that Mr. Park has to sign, sir. It''s about ... um, it''s like alimony. Mr. Lee asked me to come here and give it to Mr. Park."


    To make sure, I immediately opened the folder and took out the documents that were in it. Reading it for a while, I unconsciously smiled, felt there was something humorous in the contents of this document.


    Here was written a large amount of allowance and property. This wasn''t much different from a divorce certificate where it said the alimony after their divorce.


    I felt like laughing out loud as soon as I read it, but unfortunately, I couldn''t. Either it was because I was annoyed or it was ridiculous because I was jealous.


    After reading it for a while, I turned my head back to Chunghee behind me who was still reluctant to look at the document. I asked him, "Chunghee, what about this document? Do you want to sign it? This is the allowance, Lee gave you."


    There was a long pause before he responded in a low voice, "No. No need. I don''t want anything from him."


    I smiled after hearing the words. I couldn''t fool myself that the response made me feel better. As winners in the game, they would always be proud of the path they were on. Whether it was by cheating or even with the purity of the hard-working.


    I looked at Yoon Hoonsik, and said, "Did you hear that? It''s not necessary."


    As I finished my words, I tore up the documents right in front of Hoonsik''s eyes on purpose before putting them back in the folder. I sneered, "Tell Lee, Chunghee doesn''t need that. Tell him that the words are from me, his rival."


    It is undeniable that Hoonsik was very surprised. Not because of my words but because I tore up the documents right in front of him.


    However, after all, it was all over. If Lee was angry, I wouldn''t care or would never care.

 Chapter 138 - Kim Daehyun: A Proposal

    "Mr. Kim, what have you done? Mr. Lee will scold me for this," Hoonsik exclaimed in surprise. He immediately grabbed the folder from my hand and peeked at the papers in it that had been torn into pieces with a panicked look.


    However, I didn''t even care about how he complained to his master later. Chunghee, who was currently standing silently behind my back didn''t even comment on anything, so I thought that what I did wasn''t a problem at all.


    Yoon Hoonsik scratched his head, still looking both panicked and confused. He was heard muttering softly to himself, "What should I tell Mr. Lee later? This is bad ... really bad."


    I was about to ask him to leave. But, as soon as the tip of my lips lifted, Chunghee voiced first, "Hoonsik, leave now. Tell him not to give me anything. Also, tell him that Daehyun will take care of everything, so he doesn''t need to give me any allowances."


    Hearing those words, I couldn''t lie to myself that I felt proud; felt like I had really won his heart. However, since I didn''t want to show that joy on my face, I cleared my throat softly, then affirmed to Hoonsik, "Did you hear that? Leave now."


    Hoonsik looked frustrated. He paused to stare at both of us and the folder in turn before he finally left without a word.


    As soon as he disappeared from my sight, Chunghee and I immediately went to the car that had been parked on the side of the road, then immediately head to the airport.


    In the car, Chunghee didn''t talk much. He just kept leaning his forehead against the car window while staring out, while I also didn''t dare to talk to him other than just being silent beside him until we arrived.


    On the private jet, Chunghee remained silent. I took his hand and asked worriedly, "Are you all right?"


    He turned at me weakly, replied, "My stomach doesn''t feel good."


    "Are you airsick?" Wiping the sweat on his forehead, I tried to reassure him, "Hang on, okay? We''ll be there in thirty minutes."


    I watched his face turn pale. Worried, I said, "If you want to throw up, just throw up. Don''t hold back."


    He shook his head weakly. "No. Since earlier, I do feel unwell, though."


    Hearing about this, I was immediately taken aback. "Then, why did you say that you were okay?! I didn''t force you to go with me today!"


    "I just wanted to finish it," he said.


    "What do you want to finish?" I asked in confusion.


    "I don''t know ... I don''t know. I just feel like I have to get something done ...."


    As soon as he finished his words, he suddenly burst into tears. He looked to the side, but the reflection of his on the glass showed how his tears flowed down his face.


    Surprised, I immediately embraced his body, holding him to calm him down. I asked anxiously, "What''s wrong? Do you have a stomachache?"


    "I don''t ... know ..." Sobbing, he answered in a slightly trembling voice, "I just wanted to get back to Sokcho and sleep."


    I actually knew that he cried not because he felt pain in his body but his heart. However, not wanting to bring up anything about his feelings, I could only say words, pretending to believe that he was not feeling well, "Hang on, we''ll be going straight to the hospital as soon as we arrive in Busan."


    In the silence, he suddenly turned to me, revealing his tear-stained eyes. He asked with a pitiful expression, "Are you really taking me to France with you?"


    Frowning, I didn''t answer but ask him back, "Why? Do you mind?"


    "Don''t take me there. I was always thinking about this last night and I thought it was a bad idea. I wouldn''t stand it," he replied, sobbing. "I just couldn''t think straight yesterday, so I could only agree with it. I''m scared."


    Hearing the refusal, I smiled and didn''t feel angry at all. On the contrary, I felt so much in love with him.


    I stroked his hair gently, then wiped the tears in his eyes which kept flowing as if oozing out the pain that had inhabited his heart for a long time.


    When I saw how much he was suffering by the expression he showed, I promised myself and him that I would always be there for him and promised not to make him cry like this.


    However, I could only say the words inwardly and didn''t dare to voice them out.


    I once read in a book that according to psychology, someone who tended to say his goals, then most likely those goals would never be achieved. Actually, I didn''t really believe that analogy. But, as I felt that Chunghee would also think that such words were just a ruffian boasting, then keeping them in my heart was the right thing for now.


    No need for words. I knew that Chunghee no longer needed the words he had heard so many times, but in the end, it all ended tragically. So, after this, I just needed to prove to him that what I told him wasn''t a lie just to get his heart.


    If only he knew that I didn''t need him just for sex.


    I didn''t need him to bare beneath me and moan to please me.


    I didn''t want that.


    To put it simply, I just wanted us to be together; watched movies at night; or didn''t do anything at all. I wanted to stroke his back; kissed his forehead; after that, said "good night" to each other, then slept while embracing him.


    It would be okay, right?


    How beautiful was that simplicity when I started to think about it in my head.


    If it would really happen, I wouldn''t need any more happiness. That''s what I had been looking for the most all this time.


    Drifting into my reverie, I had so carried away with my own expectations that I didn''t hear Chunghee speak until he said, "Daehyun, do you hear me? Please, don''t take me there. I''ll be with you, but we have to stay here."


    I sighed. Smiling, I tried to convince him, "What are you worried about? I''m sure once you are there, you will be amazed at the atmosphere of the country. I live in Paris, if we open the window, we can immediately see the Eiffel tower. I''m sure you will like my house. It''s away from the crowds, so you don''t have to worry."


    "That''s not it. I just don''t want to leave this country. I want to be here. If I have to die, then I have to die here."


    "Chunghee, it''s okay. You''re just not used to it." I paused my words before I said something important which should be my main reason, "Also, I''ll marry you there. We''ll get a civil solidarity pact and stay together as a legal couple. So, marry me." Finishing my sentence, I couldn''t help but kiss his forehead as a form of my sincerity when I said that.


    Actually, I wanted to say this when I proposed there, but because of impatience, I couldn''t help but say it now.


    Maybe this was far from romantic, but I thought it didn''t matter. I was sure that Chunghee wasn''t someone who really wanted romance in a relationship, the point was loyalty.


    However, as soon as he heard those words, Chunghee''s expression turned startled, even his tears that had been pouring out suddenly stopped. In that instant, he looked away, as if he was irritated by my words.


    Since I felt that that phrase wasn''t something to argue about, I said to him, intending to calm him down, "Um, maybe you need some time to think about it. Don''t rush into a decision. I''m sorry for saying that out of the blue. I should be grateful if you already want to live with me there."


    Shortly after I finished talking, he turned to me, looked at me before affirming, "Daehyun, you''re getting married. There''s no point if you tell me that."


    "Who said that?!" I almost shouted.


    "Donghwa told me. He said you were getting married and would leave me if I choose to live with you."


    I laughed all of a sudden when I heard his statement. That might be true but it wasn''t completely true.


    "And you believe?" I shook my head, then explained, "How could I do that? My father told me to get married, but the marriage would never happen because you''re my only reason to stick whit my decision. Trust me."


    "Daehyun, how can I trust you?" he asked hoarsely. "I can no longer trust anyone. I''ve lost that trust in myself. That''s also what makes me always doubt you, you know."


    I assured, "Don''t hesitate. Trust me."


    "Heh, how can I you do it? Someone who I thought never make me down, made me down. Someone who I thought never hurt me, hurt me. Someone I thought never leave me, left me. Tell me how to trust someone again." There was a painful smile at the end of his sentence, showing how he was trying to endure the pain from it all.

 Chapter 139 - Kim Daehyun: "Is He Yours?"

    Hearing his words, I instantly froze. I didn''t know how to provide a solution for what had been making him disillusioned other than feeling his heartache. Besides, giving him a solution or encouraging him, Chunghee would never think of those kindnesses as something that made him want to fight once more.


    Meanwhile, Chunghee looked at me blankly. He seemed to lose hope in his eyes and was walking into the chasm of the darkness that seemed to be a fate line for him to spend the rest of his life. He seemed to be looking at me like a point of disheartening and it hit my heart so badly that I wanted to save him immediately.


    Without realizing it, my body moved on its own to embrace him tightly as if this was the best way to express that everything was going to be all right without having to put together words.


    I knew how much disappointment hurt him and I knew how his heart went to great lengths to endure the pain from the wounds he suffered. However, since I also couldn''t come up with any solutions other than proving it to him, I could only say, "Just for this time, you have to trust me. I will prove my words. I don''t want to say many sweet words but I will directly prove everything to you so you can trust me."


    I sighed as soon as I finished talking as if I was complaining about why he was so hard to be mine. Now and then he would act like someone who had been numb from the excruciating pain, or maybe there was a limit to the pain that had been pinned in his heart so that it seemed easy for him to endure it all.


    However, all of them were just lies to manipulate the world that he could stand with his legs and would go through the pain alone even without any help from anyone else, but in fact, he couldn''t.


    He just tortured himself by keeping it all in. As a result, day by day, he lost the brightness even more on his face. He forgot how to smile and how to laugh at something cheerfully.


    Of course, there was nothing that broke my heart the most apart from witnessing how his soul gradually died because of one person who brought him down to earth.


    Even though we lived by breathing, being soulless was also dying. I wanted him to return to how he was before, who liked to smile; sulked when he was upset; laughed when he was happy like he used to be.


    When I first time saw him until now, I could feel the change in him drastically. I kind of lost him gradually and I never wanted to lose him completely.


    If only I could drag part of his lost soul to return, then I would do it.


    However, a broken soul wasn''t something that could be forced to return. It would only make it more and more devastated so that there was nothing left.


    "Daehyun, let me go," he pleaded in our silence.


    Hearing that, I immediately let go of my embrace. I touched his shoulders gently and said confidently, "Look at me, I even never confessed my feelings to anyone else before because I thought you would be the first person to hear my confession. Now, I am delighted because I can make it happen where you become the first person to hear my declaration of love."


    I couldn''t help but smile happily. After all, I had waited for a dozen years just to express my feelings to him. Although in the end, I only got an ambiguous answer without any explication certainty whether we were lovers or not.


    Not long after, we arrived in Busan. Several sedans were already waiting in front of the airport, but as I didn''t want other people to interfere with my time with Chunghee, I drove the car by myself to the hospital and told the others to leave.


    Upon arrival, I led Chunghee to the place where the doctor who was going to check his condition which was on the fourth floor after taking the waiting number in the reception room.


    In front of the doctor''s office, there were quite many patients waiting their turn. So, as I didn''t want to make Chunghee feel bored while waiting, I took him to the seat near the window to rest while enjoying the city.


    I was about to sit there with him, but the voice of someone that was calling me from a distance sounded so familiar. I immediately turned around and saw a figure in a white coat smiling as he walked over to me.


    He was one of the doctors I knew here, the son of Dr. Liam, Liam Seok, who was a specialist of orthopedic. We went to the same school in France until we entered the same university. It''s just that, after graduating, his father asked him to return to South Korea and work here. He was two years younger than me just like Chunghee. We weren''t close enough, but we were still practically close like friends who had known each other for a long time.


    I smiled back at him and shook his hand as soon as he was standing near me.


    "Brother Kim, where have you been lately?" Liam Seok asked as a greeting.


    However, I didn''t answer because I knew that it was just lip service from him. I immediately introduced him to Chunghee. I said enthusiastically, "Chunghee, this is Liam Seok, an acquaintance of mine."


    Chunghee turned his head briefly to see the figure named Liam Seok before he stood up and smiled in a friendly manner, then they shook hands.


    "Nice to meet you, Dr. Liam. I''m Park Chunghee," Chunghee said.


    For a moment I was amazed at the expression he showed as if he had no burden at all.


    "Ah, just call me Liam as Brother Kim calls me so we can be close. You''re a friend of Brother Kim, then you will also be my friend, haha," Liam Seok replied jokingly. As usual, he was always talkative.


    Chunghee didn''t really respond and just smiled gently that never stopped making me feel amazed. After all, it''s been a long time since I saw him smile like that. Even though I knew it was just a trick from him to cover up the burdens he had, that smile was still sincere.


    However, Chunghee didn''t want to talk to someone too much, so he sat back down, staring at the expanse of skyscrapers behind the window.


    Liam Seok, cleared his throat and said, "Brother Kim, want to smoke?"


    Frowning, I felt that he wanted to speak privately with me, so I nodded in agreement. "Chunghee, I''ll be back for a moment, okay?"


    Smiling, Chunghee nodded slowly.


    The non-smoking area wasn''t far from where Chunghee was, so I could watch him through the glass. I took out a pack of cigarettes, pulled out a cigarette, then lit it before handing it out to Liam Seok.


    He asked, "Brother Kim, what are you doing here?"


    While eying Chunghee from here, I answered in a low voice, "I''m accompanying him ...."


    He paused for a moment before he asked, "Is he sick?"


    "Yeah. Glioblastoma. Stage three." I gritted my teeth after I finished saying my words.


    Liam Seok was about to smoke a cigarette on his finger. But, as soon as he heard my answer, he immediately stopped and turned to look at me with a surprised look.


    I fell silent as I knew what he was thinking right now. Glancing at him, I said, "Don''t be surprised."


    "Heh." He smoked his cigarette before replying, "Stage three? He''s dying, you know."


    I smiled resignedly hearing that statement. He continued, "Glioblastoma on stage three. Not many people can survive at this stage. But, he is one of the lucky people. Usually, people at that stage can only spend their time in bed. He is quite physically strong, though."


    "So what do you think? Will he recover soon?" I asked hopefully.


    "Don''t despair. Many people recover from cancer when they are in stage four."


    Those words comforted me a little. There was a relief that made me feel calmer.


    After pausing for a few seconds, he asked again to make sure, "Brother Kim, is he your friend?"


    There was a pause before I answered, "Yes, what''s wrong?"


    "Are you sure?"


    I lowered my head upon hearing a question that seemed to force me to reveal the truth. Smiling, I felt that I was caught falling in love with someone.


    Of course, Liam Seok immediately found out the truth. Although I was silent without a word, people would also find out by seeing how I acted.


    "You can''t hide your feelings. You have always been very indifferent to anyone when it comes to romance. However, as soon as you see that guy, damn it, your eyes really are shameless by showing it all." He laughed lightly, then asked again to confirm it once again, "So, is he yours? Since when did you guys date?" There was mockery in his tone.

 Chapter 140 - Kim Daehyun: A Noble Wish

    I was suddenly stunned when I heard that question. Even though he was heard asking to confirm the truth, I was sure that he thought that Chunghee and I were really lovers. Actually, I couldn''t clarify it immediately since Chunghee had not given a definite answer as to whether we were really in a relationship or our togetherness just because of pity and despair.


    I felt ashamed in my heart. But slowly, there was disappointment creeping into my chest. I replied steadfastly, "No. He''s someone''s."


    "Huh? Brother Kim, what do you mean?" he asked, confused.


    I lifted my face, turned to the side to look at him, then replied, "But, in a moment he will be mine."


    Hearing about this, Liam Seok chuckled. He smoked the cigarette in his fingers before replying, "I really don''t know what you''re talking about. But, one that I can see for real is ...." He paused for a moment, glanced at me with a serious gaze, then asked, "You love him, don''t you?"


    Looking at him in silence, I thought that that was far from being just the word "love". So I replied deeply, "I adore him."


    Liam Seok smiled meaningfully. "But, you also know the risks for your family, right, brother?"


    I fell silent. I knew what risk he meant that it left me speechless.


    "Your father had other wills. You could run away from him long ago, but now how do you do that? Do you have a good reason for this?" he asked once again.


    I lowered my gaze, then stood up. I rubbed the tip of the cigarette on the table, then threw the cigarette into the trash bin not far from where we were.


    Not wanting to discuss this matter any further, I said coldly, "I got to go right away. He''s alone, I will accompany him to wait there."


    Liam Seok stood up too. He chuckled as if my words were really funny to him. He said, "Brother Kim, you never change at all. You always run away from reality but luckily you are a responsible person. I can only wish you both the best. You have never really fallen in love and I''m sure, that man must be the most valuable person to you."


    Without responding to his words, I immediately left this place and headed to where Chunghee was sitting.


    Once near him, I touched his shoulder gently, and asked, "Are you all right?"


    He turned and said, "It will be my turn to come in soon."


    Smiling, I sat beside him. "I''ll come with you so I can hear the doctor''s advice and try my best for you later."


    He did not give any response and paused, staring straight ahead with emptiness in his shaded eyes.


    I took a deep breath and was about to speak. However, before doing so, his queue number was called by one of the nurses on duty. I immediately helped Chunghee stand up and led him into the doctor''s office.


    When the door opened, the doctor smiled in a friendly manner, shaking our hands as an introduction.


    Chunghee and I sat opposite the doctor. And, because Chunghee seemed reluctant to talk a lot, so I explained his current condition to the doctor.


    He immediately asked Chunghee to do a CT scan. So, Chunghee reluctantly stood up, then entered a special room with the doctor. Since I couldn''t come in with him, I could only wait at this place.


    Twenty minutes later, both of them went out. Seeing them walk to the table where I was sitting, I immediately straightened my back.


    As soon as the doctor sat down, I immediately asked anxiously, "How is it, doc? Can surgery be done immediately?"


    Sighing, he explained, "It should be done as soon as possible, sir. But Mr. Park will have to do several stages of testing so we can know when he is ready to do surgery. It''s just a moment. If you want to wait, I''ll take some blood samples for the testing of the laboratory."


    Hearing those words, I glanced at Chunghee who was lowered his head beside me. I gritted my teeth, thinking that I shouldn''t keep letting it go like this, so I answered with certainty, "Just do it."


    Nodding in agreement, the doctor glanced at Chunghee and asked, "Then, what about you Mr. Park?"


    Chunghee nodded, but without expression on her face.


    After that, the doctor immediately took Chunghee''s blood sample and asked a nurse to bring the sample to the laboratory room for examination. While waiting for the results, the doctor asked, "Mr. Park, have you done a checkup previously?"


    "Yes, I have."


    "If I may know which hospital, sir?"


    "Du-Ho Hospital, in Seoul."


    The doctor smiled. "Oh, it must be Doctor Jeong. He''s my friend. Since when did you do checkup there?"


    "It''s been a long time. I forgot," Chunghee replied briefly.


    After talking for a while, a nurse brought the results. He immediately handed it to the doctor for observation.


    The doctor frowned. He said regretfully, "We can''t have surgery this week. The results don''t show that Mr. Park''s body is capable of undergoing surgery any time soon¡ª"


    Before the doctor finished, Chunghee interrupted, "See? I told you."


    After he said that, he immediately stood up, and walked out of this room.


    I was about to catch up with him, but the doctor suddenly stopped me, "Sir, wait." He said, "Just tell him to do chemotherapy. I saw the cancer cells in his brain were in the riskiest place. It would be difficult to remove the cancer cells in that area because they are so close to the motor nerves of his body. Many risks that could have occurred after the operation was done."


    I was startled when I heard that statement, but I tried not to look panicked. "I''ll tell him, doc."


    "Yes, sir. That''s what should be done."


    After that, I immediately came out of this room to see Chunghee.


    He sat down with his head lowered. I came over and squatted in front of him, trying to calm him down by the words, "Everything will be fine. You just need to do a checkup next week, okay? You have to that."


    "I told you ... it''s useless. The results will be in vain." He looked at me with teary eyes, then continued, "I would better wait for the day of my death at home."


    Those were words that I didn''t want to hear. After all this mess had happened, I would never allow him to do that to himself. It was the same as killing himself by his own hands slowly."


    After all, no one knew how long that person would survive. As Liam Seok said that even people who suffered from cancer at stage four could recover, I considered that Chunghee had a better chance of being cured.


    I was once too obedient to him, but now I didn''t want to do that anymore. For the sake of his recovery, I would force him to obey my words from now on.


    However, for now, because seeing him was so depressed, I didn''t want to talk much about this and force him, so I could only say, "Chunghee, don''t say things like that. Don''t give up." Pausing for a moment, I continued, "All right. You''re just exhausted, so I will take you to my apartment first to rest¡ª"


    "I want to go back to Sokcho," Chunghee interrupted.


    "You said you''re not feeling well, why don''t you¡ª"


    "I want to go home to Sokcho! Do you hear me?!" Chunghee yelled that several people who were in this place immediately turned their eyes towards us. So, since I didn''t want to be the center of attention in the crowd, I had no choice but to indulge her wish.


    "Okay then. Let''s go home."


    I stood up and reached out to help him up. However, instead of grabbing my hand immediately, he said first, "But, there''s something I need to do before going back there."


    "What is that?" I asked.


    He felt his coat pocket. As soon as he found something he was looking for, he immediately took it out and showed it to me, asking me in a gentle tone, "Where can I donate my money? I want to donate it to children with cancer."


    Hearing that noble wish, I couldn''t help but smile. I held his hand that held a card, then said in a deep tone, "There are many cancer foundations in this city. You can donate your money through their official link. But, just rest first, let me take care of it. After that, if you feel better about the next few days, we can immediately take care of all your documents."


    After saying that, both of us immediately left the hospital to fly to Sokcho.


    At least, today I knew his condition, so soon, I knew what I needed to do.


    That was better than doing nothing.


    After all, I used to act stupid just because I was accepted by him, and now I hoped this time was enough to pay for that mistake.


    ***

 Chapter 141 - Lee Donghwa: Everything Looked Pitch-Dark

    In a cold, cheerless living room. I sat in the darkness for a long time; pensive in solitude and silence while thinking about events that had recently happened, like a dream when I woke up from my sleep and it suddenly appeared in my head.


    However, the pain in my chest indicated that Chunghee''s words were still left in my mind, confirming that our meeting and his statement at that time were a reality that I had to face.


    I gripped my hair tightly as if the skin of my scalp was going to peel off my skull as I kept thinking about how our relationship ended in the way I least wanted.


    Chunghee''s decision a while ago was unimaginable. It made me feel restless and broken at the same time. I knew it would be hard for him to forgive me, but knowing that he would never come back was something I never expected.


    It hurt me so much.


    I thought, he left me was the most painful of all, but knowing our relationship couldn''t be fixed anymore was much more painful than a lot of the pain I had been feeling lately.


    Every day, all I could do was crying, screaming, destroying everything I could reach, until this house looked like a ship that had been hit by a storm on the ocean. Until in the end, I felt that there were no tears left in my eyes anymore.


    How did I try so hard to find him and risk the pride I held in high esteem, did they mean nothing to him?


    At least, if he was reluctant to forgive me, showing compassion to give me one more chance would mean a lot to me but in fact, he didn''t give me any chance.


    Doesn''t he see that hope in my eyes? Or ... all this time, I was just expecting too much with this useless thing?


    Heh, it wasn''t even that much. I hardly did anything!


    I thought, being optimistic only caused even more disappointment!


    However, deciding something like that in our critical relationship made me lose the light of my life.


    I had lost the light of hope. Now, everything was just darkness, as if I was walking in a gloomy room aimlessly. This chaos had completely misled me, while someone who always guided me would never give me the chance and would never repeat the same moments.


    This was a decision that was decided unilaterally. Although it was hard for me, Chunghee''s decision was absolute, leaving me frozen without a single refusal. And as if without a choice, in my compulsion, I would do what he wanted as an atonement for my mistakes.


    I didn''t want him to hate me and I didn''t want our relationship to end with hatred.


    We started this relationship off to a great start and should have ended it gracefully. Also, if by deciding this, Chunghee could forgive me, then I would try to be able to let him go. If this way he felt happy, then I didn''t mind at all to lose hum. I was willing to endure all of this pain alone.


    But, there was one thing I wanted to know, ''is this decision the best way for our relationship?''


    To be honest, I doubted that, but my head could no longer think of anything saner. No matter how hurt the pain was, everything would end soon.


    A few moments later, having regained my senses, I opened several of the files on the table and studied them lazily. Feeling dizzy with all kinds of thoughts in my head, I massaged my forehead which felt heavy, then shifted my eyes towards my cell phone on the table.


    There were a few missed calls from my business colleagues and a few calls from Hoonsik that I purposely ignored as if I wanted the world to never think of me as existing. Then, my thumb scrolled the menu on the screen. Looking at the inbox, I opened it and saw some unread text from Sunyeon.


    "Can we meet tonight? I promise I will not discuss our relationship again."


    "Please, I just wanted to tell you something. I have to say it in person, so I''ll be waiting for you tonight in my apartment. I beg you, just for tonight."


    It had been a long time since he contacted me again. I thought he had given up, but apparently an ex-gigolo like him seemed to be a gigolo as if his flirting instincts had fused with his blood.


    Before my head made a decision, my cell phone suddenly rang. As if my mind was distracted, I froze for a moment before lazily answering the call, "What''s wrong?"


    "Mr. Lee, sorry to interrupt. Where have you been in the three days, sir? I kept calling you, but you never picked up my call. Didn''t you go to the office today?" Hoonsik asked doubtfully.


    "No. Clear my schedule for the next two days. I want to go out of town."


    "Ah, all right, sir." Paused for a moment, he asked, "But, do you have time this afternoon? I just want to return your documents."


    Frowning, I asked in confusion, "What document?"


    "Um, financial support for Mr. Park, sir."


    I froze instantly upon hearing the words. And as soon as I could move my body, I immediately stood up in surprise, but still couldn''t say a word.


    Until a few seconds later, Hoonsik''s voice was heard again and immediately snapped to me, "Sir, can you hear me?"


    Lowering my gaze slightly, I said in a weak voice, "Alright, just come, now."


    "Ah, okay, sir."


    Hanging up, I slowly lowered my hand, and subconsciously dropped my cell phone on the floor.


    I felt dazed and wondered why Chunghee didn''t want to sign the documents. I didn''t know, did Chunghee really hate me or what?


    I don''t know ...


    I''m confused ...


    Feeling helpless, I dropped my body on the sofa, leaning my back weakly as if my soul was gone. I lifted my hand, placed it on my forehead, and felt an utter disappointment that I had never felt before.


    Shortly thereafter, the doorbell rang. I glanced at the door for a moment before standing up to open it.


    At the door, Hoonsik stood with a forced smile as if he was worried about something. He handed me the brown folder I gave him a while ago while explaining, "Sir, Mr. Park doesn''t want to sign it. He said that Mr. Kim will take care of everything."


    I didn''t seem to hear anything. Whatever the reason, all I knew was that Chunghee didn''t want to accept anything from me and it made me think that he hated me more than how he had said that he loved me so much in the past.


    I had no hope and a future that could make me think clearly to fight for myself one more time ¡ª they lost in my life ¡ª left nothing. So, all I could do was doing what I needed to do these days even without a purpose in life. I thought of this every night before I fell asleep about what am I living for?


    Letting out a heavy sigh, I reached out to grab the folder. However, as soon as I touched it, I could feel that the contents had completely destroyed.


    I glanced at Hoonsik, but he immediately looked away as if he was afraid to face my anger.


    Then, startled, I hurriedly opened the folder and saw how these documents had become crumpled up into small pieces. I turned my eyes back to Hoonsik with a look of panic, anger, surprise, or whatever, even I couldn''t predict the feelings I was feeling right now.


    Seeing my expression, Hoonsik seemed to know that at this point I was wondering why these documents had turned out this way. So, hesitantly he said something as if giving me the answer I wanted.


    "Um, Mr. Kim did it, sir," he said in a low voice, "When Mr. Park said that he didn''t want to take any allowance from you, Mr. Kim suddenly tore up these documents. I can''t do anything because he did it all of a sudden, so it''s not possible to even prevent it."


    I couldn''t say anything else. While Chunghee decided to refuse, then I couldn''t force him no matter how hard I tried or how I persuaded him to come back. And if Daehyun tore this on purpose, what can I do?


    Even if I overturned this world to vent my anger, none of them would care about my feelings.


    I could only smile weakly, but that didn''t depict any joy in my heart but despair. I had lost both my lover and my hope.


    You could imagine how a person lived without any hope in his life. It was like walking in the desert alone without a compass. You would lose, then died of thirst.


    Losing hope was like losing your soul. You were alive, yet your body was filled with nothing. It was the same as dying.


    I didn''t expect that now I would really feel this way, feeling what it was like to live in the void like the undead in this world. I didn''t know what to do next, everything was pitch-dark everywhere.


    I wondered, ''does in that life have the option of death? Or, do we make it ourselves as a point of despair?''

 Chapter 142 - Lee Donghwa: The Letters Of The Past

    But, again, what can I do?


    Wasting words on my tongue until I was mute was useless. There was no miracle that I could hope for like before to turn things into the way I wanted. So, I had to steadfastly give up everything even though it hurt.


    Sighing heavily, I still smiled, accepting the harsh reality that seemed to be standing right in front of me while laughing at me, and said, "Hey, look at this poor jerk, his fate is very bad today."


    One side inside of me was crying at the taunts and the other continued to burst out laughing. I felt so frustrated but I could no longer express what I felt but smiled as if I had come to terms with all this pain.


    "So, Chunghee doesn''t want to sign it, huh? Okay then. No problem." I looked at Hoonsik with a smile, then asked lightly, "But, you still have the file, right?"


    Yoon Hoonsik stared at me with his mouth slightly open and his eyes widened open. He might be surprised to see my expression that looked calm and even smiled when responding to things that should make me go berserk.


    But, what else can I do? I had no reason to be angry or complain. I had no way of scolding Hoonsik or blaming him for an issue that had nothing to do with him at all.


    Chunghee and I weren''t lovers anymore, so all I could do now was bury the pain deep, deep inside my heart. Gritting my teeth, I painstakingly endured the pain to accept this fact.


    Since Hoonsik had not responded yet, I asked him once again, "You still have the files, right?"


    Instantly Hoonsik woke up. He blinked a few times before replying haltingly, "Um, that''s... yes ..., sir. I still have it."


    "Hmm, good."


    As I had nothing to say anymore, I asked Hoonsik to leave immediately. So, as Hoonsik was a very obedient person, he immediately left this place without stalling for any longer.


    Closing the door, I looked at the brown folder blankly for a while before walking over to the sofa and placing it on the table. I then walked into my workroom, took a pen, then put a cross on a calendar on the desk.


    There were only three weeks left before the press conference was held. After the event was over, then I would keep my promise to Chunghee.


    This was my chance to prove to him that a bad person like me could also keep his promise to the one he loved. Whether it risked my feelings, myself, my common sense, I didn''t care. As long as Chunghee could forgive me, then all that I could do with pleasure.


    I accidentally saw a roll of tracing paper. I opened it and saw the architectural design of a European-style house in it. This was the house design I was about to build for Chunghee in Jeju, but all the things I had planned before were razed like a building being torn down.


    I didn''t feel aggrieved at all because I had bought land and prepared all the developments there. But, I felt disappointed because we couldn''t realize what had been a dream for both of us in the past.


    Suddenly the disappointment turned into intense anger. I grabbed the paper, then angrily tore it into small pieces as if it was the problem that had ruined our relationship. I wanted to destroy the matter as much as I tore up this paper, but I couldn''t.


    After being more relaxed, I was going out of the room, then headed to a room near the workroom.


    This room was like a warehouse. Inside there was a lot of old stuff that we kept all this time from college to work.


    Actually, I wanted to throw these pieces of stuff away for a long time ago, but Chunghee didn''t let me because he thought they all had memories that deserved to be remembered. So, as we rarely used this room, we decided to store our old belongings here.


    In this room, I was looking for a cardboard box containing all of Chunghee''s belongings when we were still in college. I wanted to look back on our love story from that time, where we were stupid, naive, tortuous, but managed to make us last long enough in this relationship.


    However, before I found it, I stumbled across a cardboard box containing Chunghee''s other stuff. With curiosity, I immediately opened it and found his stuff while he was working.


    Observing them one by one, I was immediately stunned. Back then, I had always asked him not to work, but he never wanted to listen to my words. Now I knew why he never wanted to do it where that''s because being alone in the silence was going to drive him crazy.


    I felt it now. I had never felt as lonely as now. And once I felt it, I never thought that it felt so much more terrible than anything.


    Suddenly I remembered a time when I never came home and ignored all his calls, then smiled bitterly. I never thought that Chunghee could last this long ... for me ....


    Recalling this memory, I felt like I wanted to cry but I couldn''t. It made me suffer a lot out of the pain in my eyes.


    Inhaling and exhaling slowly a few times, I tried to calm myself down and started to look at the stuff one by one again.


    There were colorful paperclips. I still remembered clearly, this was a gift from me when he turned twenty-three years old. At that time I had nothing, so I could only give him these paperclips. And what made me glad was that he looked very happy when he received this simple gift from me.


    I smiled. I had never thought that he still used them when he was working at a huge company. I didn''t want to think how his co-workers would laugh at all these old paperclips as I was sure that Chunghee wouldn''t mind if people laugh at him. He had the principle: ''As long as he likes something, then he doesn''t mind other people''s opinions''.


    Apart from the paperclips, there were also some unfinished design drawings and some hanging keys which were also a gift from me on New Year''s Eve about nine years ago.


    I couldn''t stop smiling seeing it all. However, the more I smiled, the more the past was torn apart my heart.


    After that, I closed the cardboard box again, then started looking for what I was looking for at the start. Until I found it under some other pile of stuff and immediately took it from there.


    Sitting on the floor, I began to open this slightly dusty cardboard. And as soon as I saw the objects in it, I immediately froze in surprise.


    There was a lot of paper in it and they were all letters I gave him when I was trying to get his heart when we were in college. I didn''t think that he received these letters and read them because back then, he always ignored me.


    I didn''t know how I felt right now. There was a sense of joy and sadness that was so messy in my heart that I didn''t know what expression I needed to show.


    I opened one of the letters. It was dated August 22, 2002. It had been a long time ago but as Chunghee was such a good person at taking care of his belongings, these letters still look like new.


    I immediately read it. And the more I read my own words in this letter, I unconsciously shed tears. I felt my dry eyes now flooded with many tears.


    In the past, I really liked writing letters to him. When I started falling in love with him, I always wrote love letters for him, then tucked them in his bag secretly.


    At that time, I really hoped he would read all my letters, but never expected that he would keep them. And after seeing these all now, I felt that Chunghee indeed really loved me. But, because of my stupid deeds, I made him hate me this way. He should have dumped me in the first place.


    I wiped my tears, then took another letter that was still in the same year but on a different date. I read it silently while still in tears until my eyes became foggy when I remembered how hard I struggled to make him fall in love with me at the time. But in the end, I was also the one who ended the good things between us.


    Now, what I had done to him, he probably felt that I was tired of him.


    I felt that I was indeed an unforgivable bastard and this was the punishment I deserved.


    Back then, I had left my parents because of one person who I thought would be my life partner forever. However, in reality, the person I fought for left me just as I left my parents.


    It was like a boomerang that was thrown right into my heart.

 Chapter 143 - Lee Donghwa: A Place Of Memories (1)

    I read all the letters one by one while reminiscing about the past when we were young. Nothing excited me more than writing all these letters that day and nothing hurt me the most after reading them ten years later.


    After reading them all, I put the letters back in the cardboard, then took out an old Polaroid camera that was in it. I looked at it with a smile as the good memories of our past came back to me.


    This was my camera which I used to photograph Chunghee secretly. Unfortunately, after that, I accidentally dropped it when I was about to go to my part-time workplace on my bicycle and this camera got damaged so that not many moments could be captured in it.


    However, I didn''t regret buying it. At least, one photo of Chunghee that I had kept up to now was precious enough to me.


    After putting the camera back into the cardboard, I put the cardboard back in its original place, then immediately walked out of this room.


    When I was in the living room, I suddenly froze right in the mid of the room. I looked around this room with feeble eyes and began to see Chunghee''s shadow in the place where he always waited for me to come home. I knew that I was hallucinating, but I didn''t mean to wake myself up. At least, this way I could see Chunghee''s figure even though it wasn''t real.


    I moved closer to the sofa and stared at the sofa with a weak smile as the shadows of Chunghee appeared in my eyes.


    When I came home from work, he would always be here waiting for me. No matter how tired he was, he would always sit here until he fell asleep. And once he woke up as I was here, he would smile while welcoming me with a smile where no one had the same beauty as his.


    Until he might be tired lately out of my attitude that has always ignored him all this time, so he no longer waited for me here and chose to sleep early. In the end, after he never got any attention, he... left.


    "What have I done..." I muttered to myself.


    Lately, I had always cursed myself, "Why are you so stupid?! Why did you ignore him all this time?! Why are you torturing him?! You idiot!"


    However, all I could do was kept quiet, lamenting over myself and my stupidity which had plunged me into the abyss of regret and no one could help me to climb.


    I took a deep breath, then walked back to the dining table.


    On the dining table, there were two bowls of bone soup ¡ª Chunghee''s favorite winter soup. I made it a few minutes ago, but never I wanted to touch it.


    I just made it and left it as I thought that eating by myself at this table made me feel even more lonely.


    However, after remembering that Chunghee was never wasted food, I sat there with a heavy heart. I stared at the cold soup for a long time before finally, taking a sip of soup.


    My tongue felt numb. I couldn''t identify the taste of this soup, whether it was good or mediocre ¡ª it was bland on my tongue. And as soon as I swallowed, a bitter taste seemed to make me want to vomit it.


    I struggled to swallow this soup while tearing up like a kid who was forced to eat the food he didn''t like. I didn''t know since when I was as whiny as this or was this the first time in my life?


    Staring at the bowl of soup in front of me, I imagined how I had been with Chunghee while eating this soup in the cold winter of four years ago ¡ª that was for the last time for us ¡ª and in the years that followed, I never cared anymore after our big fight three years ago.


    I wondered about how he spent his time alone at the dining table when I wasn''t home? Was he crying too? Did he also struggle to swallow the food he chewed?


    If it was true, he was much stronger than me. Physically I was far superior to him, but mentally, I admit he was the strongest. Compared to him, I am nothing.


    He must have felt really lonely at the time, while I was having a lot of fun out there with other people. It was just that he never brought it up.


    Maybe this was the best way for us to go. If he was with me any longer, I was afraid he would feel even more depressed ....


    Unable to bear it, I felt my stomach starting to feel nauseous. I immediately got up from the chair and ran to the sink, then vomited all the food.


    Cleaning my lips, I paused for a moment and felt that I could no longer swallow anything but misery.


    After cleaning all the bowls, I went into the bedroom and sat on the bed with a blank mind. I glanced at the clock on the bedside table which showed five in the afternoon. After that, I laid down facing Chunghee''s bed that was always empty. I suddenly felt my longing double.


    However, as there is nothing I could do now, I immediately pulled the blanket up to cover my whole body up to my head.


    I forced myself to sleep, through this day that seemed so long gone that just in the middle of the night, I woke up all of a sudden like someone who had just had a bad dream.


    I probably just had a bad dream, but as there were so many feelings I felt, I couldn''t remember anything but just kept feeling nervous and nervous.


    While continuing to catch my breath, I felt my hands trembled violently. I picked it up and saw how my hands were trembling. Looking at my state, I was sure that there was something wrong with me and it must be bad.


    However, I could no longer feel worried about myself at all, even showing that worried expression on my face. I couldn''t remember the last time I did.


    This is really bad ....


    But, I don''t care....


    Even if I die, I still won''t care....


    I fell back asleep that night and woke up late the next day.


    At 9:00 am. After getting dressed neatly, I immediately got out of the apartment and headed to the basement.


    At there, I got into the car. After fastening the seat belt, I didn''t immediately drive the car but remained silent, gripping the steering wheel tightly.


    I stared ahead blankly. Actually, I didn''t know what I wanted to do right now. All I had in my head was a desire to visit the places where Chunghee and I had been, but I didn''t know why I should do all that. And, stupidly, my body moved on its own to obey what my head was thinking.


    Three minutes later, I immediately started the engine, then drove the car out of the basement to the highway.


    Today, the weather was bright, not as bright as what I felt now. If this morning the sun was shining brightly, but I seemed to see this world as if it was shrouded in a fog of darkness as well as emptiness. I felt like living alone in this world.


    Until twenty minutes later, I arrived at a university and immediately parked the car. As soon as I got out of the car, the atmosphere of this university immediately took me into a deep nostalgia.


    This university was the place where Chunghee and I went to college and of course, there were many memories that I couldn''t forget in this place. From the first time I confessed my feelings to him until when we graduated. Everything was still obvious in my head.


    I walked slowly, spotting one by one the places I passed, which were still very familiar to me. Since the university had not undergone much renovation, I could still recognize its parts very well.


    However, since I came just to have a look, so I didn''t intend to go inside the hall and just sat down when I saw a park that had not even changed at all since then.


    I was quite impressed by this familiar atmosphere, but the memories at this place seemed to be much more stinging than I thought.


    Since it was winter, the flowers in this garden had already fallen. After all, when it was in spring, this park always looked beautiful and stunning. I also still remembered obviously, this was the place where I kissed Chunghee for the first time. And out of that, the head of the university found out about it so we both got into huge trouble that time.


    Heh, in the first place, I was the one who got Chunghee into trouble that time.


    Thinking about it, I felt guilty and silly at the same time. Since then, I had always gotten Chunghee into trouble though.

 Chapter 144 - Lee Donghwa: A Place Of Memories (2)

    I lowered my head and smiled weakly, showing how I reminisced about all of that today. I never thought that those times would pass so quickly.


    If you think about it, ten years wasn''t a short time, but for me, it was a very short time. It felt like just yesterday I graduated from this university, but now I had become who I was today.


    Lifting my face, I looked at the students who were in this place and thought that going back in our twenties might be fun. Where you could still joke around with your friends and the only thing that stressed you out was your college.


    Now that I had become an adult, balancing a career as well as romance, I had come to realize that emotional stability was the most important. Because if you didn''t, whether it was your career or your love, one day one of them must be destroyed or even both.


    However, I was stupid enough to only realize it now that I destroyed what I had been building for so long.


    As I was thinking about this, I heard the giggles of some girls around me. So, out of curiosity, I turned around to where the voice came and saw several girls looking at me whispering to each other. I knew that now they were talking about me.


    I didn''t know what they were talking about right now and I didn''t even care. I just smiled when I saw them before I got up, then went to where my car was parked.


    In the car, I took a deep breath to relax. After feeling better, I started the engine and immediately drove the car to my next destination.


    Along the way, I continued to massage my forehead and felt my head a little heavy. I also feel so tired even though yesterday, I was spent the whole day sleeping.


    People said, if you were mentally exhausted, then how often you rested and how often you slept, when you woke up in the morning, you would still feel exhausted like you just spent a whole day working.


    I was in that state now. And perhaps, I was really mentally exhausted right now because every time I woke up, I would feel exhausted like I had done a hard job.


    Amid my thoughts suddenly shattered after hearing the buzz of my cell phone. I quickly fumbled into my pocket, then took out my cell phone and looked at the caller ID.


    As soon as I saw it was Sunyeon, I was about to reject it, but I didn''t know why my thumb was pressing the green button.


    "Ah, Brother Lee, you¡ª"


    Before Sunyeon finished his sentence, I immediately cut off his words, "Get to the point. I don''t have time to hear your nonsense."


    "Um ...," Sunyeon said, "I waited for you all night but why didn''t you come? I just wanted to talk to you."


    "Have I agreed to it?"


    "...."


    "So, if you have something to say, then say it now on the phone."


    "Um, actually ...." He paused for a moment before continuing in a low voice, "Actually, I want to take you out to dinner too ...."


    "Heh, as I thought ...."


    "No, no, this is not what you think." Sunyeon hastily interrupted and explained, "I just want to take you out to dinner and tell you something. Didn''t I tell you that I don''t want to discuss our relationship again? I mean it. So, when do you have time?"


    "Is that important?" I asked indifferently.


    "Of course!" he exclaimed. "Of course it''s important ¡ª it''s very important to me." He lowered his voice at the last sentence as if he had known that saying it was a waste.


    Silence for a while, I replied, "Okay¡ª"


    However, before I had time to finish my words, Sunyeon immediately exclaimed eagerly, "Do you agree?!"


    Taking a deep breath, I replied, "Yes. But, not now and not for this month."


    After saying that, he fell silent for a while and I assumed that he must have felt disappointed after hearing my words.


    However, after all, my heart was already numb to feel sorry for others, so I didn''t really respond and just said nonchalantly, "If you agree, then it will be decided. Yet, if you don''t, then you shouldn''t expect me to have time for you again."


    A few seconds after saying that, he asked in a voice that sounded lethargic, "But, does that mean next month?"


    "Yes." I continued, "I''ve got stressed lately, so I don''t want to be bothered."


    There was a brief pause before he replied faintly, "Okay. I''ll be waiting for you."


    After he agreed, without wanting to hear anything else, I immediately hung up. However, as soon as I hung up and was about to throw my phone in the back seat, the next incoming call was heard.


    Frowning, I glanced irritably at my cell phone screen.


    - Bae Yunhee -


    Seeing the ID, I gritted my teeth in annoyance and immediately answered his call, "What''s wrong?"


    "Oh, you''re still alive. I was worried about you," Yunhee replied jokingly.


    "What do you want?"


    Instead of answering my question right away, he asked, "Why haven''t you picked up my calls in the past few days?"


    I rolled my eyes before replying, "I don''t want to be bothered. So, hurry up and say what you want to say."


    He was heard sighing heavily before declaring, "Kim will return to France."


    As soon as I heard that statement, I was immediately startled and unconsciously hit the brakes suddenly so that the car behind crashed into the back of my car. Luckily, the crash wasn''t too hard, so I don''t think there would be any major damage to any of our vehicles.


    I froze in silence, trying to rearrange Yunhee''s words in my head.


    ''Kim - will - return - to - France.''


    As I repeated those words, the voice of someone raging while banging my windshield immediately brought me to my senses.


    "Yunhee, I''ll call you later. I got a problem," I said as I removed the seat belt.


    "Oh, okay."


    Hanging up, I immediately got out of the car to talk to a middle-aged man who was currently cursing because he might not accept his car was scuffed.


    "Fuck! You''re a danger to other drivers! Now, look ¡ª come and look!" While saying this, he waved his hand for me to follow him to see his car.


    I followed him without saying anything to see how badly damaged his car was.


    "Look! My car''s hood is damaged! You have to pay compensation!" The middle-aged man said angrily.


    I looked at his car expressionlessly, then saw mine also had minor damage. However, not wanting to prolong the matter, I immediately took out my wallet and took a few won, then put it on top of the man''s car while saying in a low voice that seemed cold, "I''m sure the repair costs won''t be too expensive. But, I''ll give you more money as compensation as well as my apology."


    The middle-aged man was silent, but by the look on his face, it could be concluded that he was feeling embarrassed. With a frown on his face, he took the money without saying a word, then immediately drove his car away.


    After that, I also got in the car and immediately drove it.


    On the way, I immediately called Yunhee back and it only took a few seconds, he immediately answered my call.


    "What happened?" he asked on the phone.


    "Um, nothing." Without saying anything else, I asked, "How did you know that Kim will return to France? Who told you?"


    "Rumor," he replied, "He just hasn''t been on good terms with his father lately because he refuses to be arranged."


    Paused for a while, I muttered under my breath, "Oh, so he refused the marriage...." "Yes." Yunhee stated, "I don''t think the rumor is just rumors either. There is a rumor that he had a big fight with his father, so he was ordered to return to France."


    I was stunned. Actually, I didn''t care if he was leaving or not. It was just that, there was a sense of displeasure if he would bring Chunghee to come with him there. So, just to be sure, I asked, "So ... will he take Chunghee with him there?"


    Yunhee paused for a moment before replying in a low voice, "Yes, that''s for sure. He couldn''t possibly abandon Chunghee. After all, I also believe that Chunghee was the only reason for refusing his marriage to the daughter of his father''s colleague."


    I lowered my gaze slightly when I heard Yunhee say that. I never asked him to explain to me in such detail and didn''t even want to hear it at all. But, hearing all that, I felt jealousy and the refusal in my heart grew stronger.


    However, what hurt me the most was that I could no longer do anything but accept it without complaining or getting angry, where I seemed to be required to be calm when I watched the two of them make love right in front of my eyes.


    Taking a deep breath, I said, "It can''t be helped, right? There''s nothing I can do at this point ¡ª our relationship is over."

 Chapter 145 - Lee Donghwa: A Place Of Memories (3)

    Hearing my words, Yunhee was silent for a long time on the phone. There was only the sound of the vehicles filling the atmosphere so neither of us really fell into silence.


    Meanwhile, I also didn''t want to ask about why he was silent ¡ª because I knew that right now, Yunhee would be shocked after hearing what I just said.


    Until a moment later, he said, "It''s good to hear you say that. But, are you really okay with that? You don''t mind Chunghee being taken away by someone else?"


    Smiling, I replied, "No. For what? Chunghee has made it clear to me, so everything is obvious to me now. After all, nothing else can change that decision from him." Paused for a moment, I continued, "As long as he can take good care of Chunghee, I''ll be okay. I can only wish Chunghee the best."


    "Wow." Yunhee still couldn''t believe what he had just heard, so he confirmed once again, "That''s very surprising. But, did you really mean what you said? I didn''t mishear you, right?"


    "Yes, I really did."


    "Unbelievable. You''re starting to scare me, you know. That sounds like ... it''s not you who was talking right now." Paused, he continued, "But if you really mean what you just said, it''s good to hear. I think that''s exactly what you should do, though."


    I didn''t give any response and just kept smiling but it didn''t reach the depth of my heart. After all, if it was the decision of them, what could I do? In fact, by persuading Chunghee directly at that time, I didn''t even get a chance no matter how hard I begged him.


    I had lost hope from then on. So for now, cursing the irreversible situation was pointless. I just needed to learn to let him go.


    In the silence of both of us, Yunhee finally spoke up by asking, "Um, so where are you now?"


    "On my car," I replied curtly.


    "Huh? Where are you going? I was just about to take you out to dinner."


    "I can''t. I''m on my way to Gwangju right now."


    "Oh, apparently you still remember to go back to your hometown, huh?" Yunhee replied. He chuckled at the end of the sentence.


    However, not wanting to talk about any unimportant on the phone, I ignored Yunhee''s words and said, "If that''s all you want to say, I''ll hang up."


    "Wait," Yunhee asked, "You go to Gwangju by driving your own car? Ah, I don''t think you''re okay now. Why don''t you turn your car around and head back to Seoul? We can have fun tonight."


    "Yunhee, I don''t have time for this."


    "Ah, that sucks. But, well, then that''s it."


    After his words, I immediately hung up.


    I tried again to focus on driving the car, but no matter how much I tried to clear my mind, I still couldn''t help but think about Yunhee''s words just now while massaging my forehead to relax the nerves in my head that felt stiff.


    Along the way, my phone rang several times. The calls were from Hoonsik and some of my colleagues. However, since I didn''t want to be bothered right now, I quickly turned off my cell phone and stowed it beside the driver''s seat.


    After all, I went to Gwangju just to find some peace. Because lately I had been in too much trouble, so maybe escaping for a few days from that city would allow me to find peace in another place.


    An hour and a half later, since Seoul and Gwangju were quite far, I stopped at a bridge. I got out of the car and walked towards the guardrail.


    By now, it was noon. The sun was shining, but the temperature of the air made my heart shiver as if there was no warmth left in it, which I could feel when the cold air almost made me freeze.


    I looked far ahead and saw the endless sky at the end of my vision. I wondered, ''Why isn''t our relationship like the sky that has no end?''


    I smiled weakly as the question popped into my mind. No matter how many times I asked myself, still, this stupid me would never be able to change everything to the way it was after I made this ending by myself.


    After feeling like I had been standing here blankly for a long time, I immediately got back into the car and continued on my way.


    I had no reason to be on this bridge long enough. The longer I was there, it would only make me feel like jumping down to end my suffering.


    I didn''t know what to do other than run away for a while.


    I could only hope, after visiting the places I wanted to visit, I could come to terms with this pain and turn this bitterness into something sweet.


    I wish I could ....


    After driving for about two and a half hours, I arrived in Gwangju.


    At this time, it was late afternoon, the sky that was blue had started to turn golden. I kept driving my car, and as soon as I arrived at a small town, I immediately parked my vehicle on the side of the road a bit away from the crowd.


    Getting out of the car, I walked towards a house and saw two kids playing snow-throwing in the front yard. Not daring to approach, I could only look at them from a distance with a smile.


    this was the house where my parents and I had lived together in the past. However, now, it seemed that someone else had occupied the house.


    I didn''t know when my parents sold this house because after ten years I left them, I never came to this place again even just to see how they were.


    It was the first time for me to set foot in this area. Right now, even though I had a business visit here, I would rather ask Hoonsik to take my place than I had to reminisce about the past in this place.


    However, now, I never expected that I would come to this place and see the house again on purpose.


    I felt so guilty and unforgivable. After all, I had bad memories that I couldn''t regret in that house with my parents.


    When I was with Chunghee, I never felt sorry for what I had chosen at all. But, now, I started regretting my choice.


    I didn''t regret being in a relationship with Chunghee, but I only regretted why I had to leave my parents. I should have thought of another way at that time, but out of my selfishness, I was reluctant to even think of a solution to the problem.


    Heh, never mind ....


    Even I thought about it would be useless.


    Unknowingly, a little girl who was playing had been watching me. So, perhaps because she was curious, she approached me and asked, "Uncle, are you looking for someone?"


    Before I could answer, another kid came after. He warned the girl who asked, "You must not approach a stranger. Did you forget what mom said? Let''s go."


    However, the girl seemed reluctant to go and said to him, "But, this uncle seems to be looking for someone."


    The boy pursed his lips. He looked up at me, then asked, "Are you looking for someone, sir?"


    I stared at them for a few seconds before saying with a smile to the little girl, "He''s right. Next time, if you see a stranger, don''t ever approach him like this, okay? It''s quite dangerous."


    Both of them glanced at each other, looked confused, before the girl finally asked again, "So, are you a dangerous person, uncle?"


    "Heh, I think so. I did hurt someone, though."


    Even though I was smiling, I said my words coldly which made the two little kids slightly surprised.


    Taking a deep breath, I asked to change the subject, "Do you guys live in that house?"


    They seemed reluctant to answer ¡ª maybe because of the statement I just made. Until a boy answered, "Yes. What''s the matter, sir? Do you need something?"


    I paused before asking once more, "Have you two lived in that house for a long time?"


    The same kid replied, "Um, it''s been a while. Before my little sister was born, we have lived there. Hmm, maybe about . . . six years ago."


    "Oh, I see," I said, "All right then. Go inside your house."


    As soon as I finished my sentence, I immediately went to the car without saying anything else.


    At least, I had been to this place even if only for a moment. I guessed, that''s enough to make me be a person who didn''t forget his hometown.


    I stayed in the car like a statue was frozen by the cold air out there while thinking about what the little boy had said.


    About six years, huh ....


    I guessed it wasn''t that long. I thought, after breaking the ties of kinship with my parents, they immediately left the place. But apparently, no, they didn''t ....


    I should have had four years to go to them and apologize, but I never did that. And, even worse, I had never even thought about apologizing to them.


    Until now, I regretted not apologizing to them, and then left on good terms.

 Chapter 146 - Lee Donghwa: A Place Of Memories (4)

    Actually, I was about to continue my trip to Jeju island, but since the distance took about four to five hours, plus it was already getting late, I decided to look for an inn in this town and would leave early if the weather was good tomorrow morning.


    After finding a small inn, I immediately rested by laying on the bed. I closed my eyes with my right hand on my head, but I had not slept yet. My head was still spinning, thinking about the various things I had been through lately. So, as soon as another thought popped into my head, I immediately opened my eyes.


    Getting up, I sat on the side of the bed, taking off my coat and shoes. I took my phone out of my pocket and scrolled through the menu on the screen, then opened the contact icon and started searching for Chunghee''s number, and then trying to call him again even though I knew that it must be the same operator''s voice again.


    Disappointed, I dropped my hand slowly while smiling as I looked at the screen which was still making calls until finally, I canceled the call. For a long time, Chunghee''s number was still unreachable.


    I was sure that Chunghee didn''t leave his cell phone at home because at that time I looked everywhere and couldn''t find it at all. Out of that, I wondered where he threw his cell phone away.


    A second later, my thumb tapped on the message and saw the multiple text messages I had sent to Chunghee while he left, which had not gotten a response at all. And the last message I sent, was around January 3, a few days ago.


    I thought for a while until I decided to send him some stories today and what I was going to do tomorrow via text:


    "Chunghee, today, I visited our university. Not much has changed there. Only, there are several lecture buildings built at that place. The park also hasn''t changed much. If it was spring now, the park would be so beautiful as you. I remember, you always read books at the park, right? If only you could see the university with me today, we will be able to laugh together while imagining our past."


    "Now, I arrived in Gwangju. I was actually going to see if my parents still live here or not, and apparently, they don''t live here anymore. There is a new family occupying the house now. They have been living there for about 6 years, said a kid who lives there. It''s been quite a while, hasn''t it? You know, if only my parents had agreed to this relationship, I''d love to introduce you to them."


    "Also, if the weather isn''t bad tomorrow, I''ll visit your parent''s grave in Jeju. It''s been a long time since we''ve been there, haven''t we? So, I thought, I should come there for a pilgrimage. I don''t know what to tell her later yet. I''ll find out tomorrow."


    After typing all the messages, I immediately hit the "send" button.


    I knew that those messages wouldn''t be sent to Chunghee. But, I just thought that I needed to pour something out today and there was no one more appropriate to receive all my heart''s outpourings than him even though we were no longer together.


    Even though the messages wouldn''t get through, at least by sending them to him, I felt as though I was chatting with him. And now, he was smiling reading the messages.


    Then, I put my cell phone on the bedside table by the nightlamp, then laid back down, staring at the ceiling.


    It was very quiet here. There were only two people who booked the room besides me earlier. They might be lovers who were on a trip somewhere.


    In the silence, I began to imagine what if my relationship wasn''t over. Perhaps, Chunghee and I would definitely take a trip somewhere to make our relationship closer and closer. Maybe abroad ....


    Chunghee was happy to be in Italy. Because Chunghee liked classic arts, I thought that Italy was a suitable place for him. When I took him there, he looked so excited when we visited many tourist spots. Like when we went to the Museum of the Vatican where it was a museum that had many works of art in it, I still clearly remembered the smile on Chunghee''s face. Maybe if I were a painter, I would definitely capture that moment through art too.


    However, that was a long time ago ¡ª about five years ago. And after that, I was busy and he was busy too so neither of us had time to travel abroad again. It was both the first and the last time for us.


    Since long ago, Chunghee had never asked for anything from me. He never asked me to buy him something after I came back to a business trip overseas unless I offered it to him. But even then, he very rarely agreed to it. So, therefore, if I wanted to buy something for Chunghee, then I would buy it without him knowing.


    I couldn''t stop smiling when I thought of our memories together. Maybe, if I were still with him now, I would really like to take him to Jeju to visit his parent''s grave as we did before. I wanted to say in front of his parent''s grave, "See? I can take care of Chunghee for ten years and will always take care of him in the future."


    In fact, I would never say that. On the other hand, I had let him down and even lost him now.


    I had made him fall in love with me in the past and I was the only one who hurt him now.


    Very irresponsible.


    I smiled ....


    I couldn''t stop smiling ....


    Actually, what I felt now was much more painful than before. Remembering all that, I was like tearing my heart out with a bayonet using my own hand.


    I felt like I was sinking into a fire, then burned. If only there was a hell in this world, I wanted to go there to wash away all my sins before I really died.


    It was really hard to let Chunghee and the past go, but what could I do? Screaming, begging, getting angry, it was all pointless. So, now I was here; lying alone; thinking of many memories; lamenting many mistakes I had done like fools in silence.


    Heh, I''m such a fool ....


    Even Chunghee said that ....


    As time goes on, I felt sleepy. My eyes slowly closed and I fell asleep without me knowing.


    However, a few seconds later, I was in a different place.


    On the brink, I stood alone. The sun was blazing and blinding, but it was clear that this place was very strange to me.


    I was suddenly surprised. In the corner of my eye was the figure of a familiar man, standing beside me. I didn''t dare turn my head even if I knew it was Chunghee. I didn''t dare look at him directly, so I could only look down, hiding my face.


    The last time we met, he said that he didn''t want to see me again, so I didn''t want to show him my face as much as I could. I already promised him.


    However, in this silence, he suddenly said something that made me feel like shedding tears.


    "Life is short, and so is our relationship. If we continue this relationship, it will not be a divorce that will make one of us cry but death. I will die and you will be alone. I don''t want to see you sad all the time. I''d rather lose you first in this way than I have to leave you when I don''t want to."


    "We once had a dream to be together until death do us part, right? But, after death was near for me, I''m not ready. I''m not ready to leave you alone. And you, are you ready to see me die right in front of your eyes? Are you ready to hug me when my body is stiff?"


    Pausing for a moment, he suddenly chuckled softly. "I don''t think this is a bad situation. If you think my decision is cruel, I better make you think so. If necessary, hate me for this so I don''t carry this guilt if I have the chance to make it right in my second life."


    "So, what about you? In your second life, will you still look for me? I don''t mind waiting for you though. But, you have to promise me that after this you will come to me with a better manner."


    I had not dared to turn to look at him yet and only heard what he said carefully. I wanted to say that I would look for him, even if tomorrow he changed his mind and came to me, I would hug him and kiss him gently.


    I will always welcome you ....


    I will always wait for you ....


    Every moment, every time, endlessly ....


    However, if he was really going to give me a chance in our second life, then I couldn''t wait for that chance.


    I felt like I wanted to die today to live in the next life as soon as possible.

 Chapter 147 - Lee Donghwa: I Would Bear Everything By Myself

    When I woke up, it was morning already. The first thing that came to my mind was Chunghee''s words in my dream, they even seemed to be replaying in my head and instantly made me feel worried.


    I pondered for a moment, thinking back on the dream I had just had and thinking of all the dreams I had had about him, the dream last night was the most realistic. It was like I just met Chunghee in my subconscious by God so ... I could know what Chunghee couldn''t tell me at that time?


    If what he said in the dream was the true reason why he made this decision, then that was really stupid.


    He should have known that death would be inevitable for anyone. Even if one of us died one day, that''s what was called "death do us part", while coming back to me and fixing everything was an option he could choose, but he was even reluctant to choose it.


    I took a deep breath, trying to relax. After all, this was just a dream. It was probably because I thought about Chunghee too much, so I had been dreaming about him in different scenarios lately.


    Getting out of bed, I sat down for a while, then glanced at the clock hanging on the wall which said it was 6.30 am. After that, I stood up and immediately headed for the bathroom. A few minutes later, I came out of the bathroom.


    As soon as I prepared to leave this place, when I opened the door, a girl who looked to be in her teens was standing right in front of the door with breakfast.


    As she saw me open the door and was about to leave, he said very kindly, "This inn has free breakfast, sir. So please have breakfast before you leave."


    I stared at the girl for a long time, intending to refuse. However, thinking once again that I had not eaten anything since yesterday, while I was going on a long trip later, it wasn''t bad to accept this offer. I sighed silently and took the breakfast that the girl brought.


    The friendly girl bowed respectfully, then quickly left.


    Bringing the breakfast into the room, I could only eat a little. However, recently my appetite had decreased. Even though I was hungry, eating two to three spoonfuls of food was enough to fill me up.


    I left the leftovers here, thinking that the girl would come back and get them. And then, I immediately exited the inn. After heating the car engine for a few minutes, I immediately drove the car to continue my trip to Jeju.


    Along the way, I was only accompanied by silence. I glanced sideways at the seat beside the driver''s seat and saw that my cell. phone was still laying there, but I didn''t intend to pick it up but just left it there.


    Feeling this trip was too lonely, I turned on the radio to listen to the news. At least, in my solitude in the car, the sound from the radio would keep me awake to focus on the road. I was worried that if I drowned in this silence, I would endanger myself.


    I didn''t want to die ¡ª not because I feared death. After losing the only precious person in my life, I didn''t even feel like I care about my life anymore. I didn''t care if I died, but not now. I had something to do and they were very important to me.


    Although death was something that couldn''t be avoided, I could only hope that it didn''t come now.


    After driving for almost five hours, I arrived at Jeju island. As soon as I entered the town, I deliberately lowered the car window so that the air mixed with the scent of seawater immediately entered the car. It was refreshing and slightly calming my soul which had not felt calm for a long time.


    As soon as I arrived at a public cemetery, I stopped the car near the cemetery. I then got out of the car, and as I was about to enter the cemetery, I suddenly froze as if my legs refused to move.


    I knew that I was very despicable to visit Chunghee''s parent grave here. What''s more, I had lost Chunghee, and now I seemed to have come to see her to ... show that I wasn''t good enough to take care of her child?


    Heh, what will his parent tell me?


    If she was alive, maybe he would get hysterical, then slapped me, and kicked me away.


    However, this was the reality. At least, his parent knew that currently, Chunghee was on the right side of the person...


    Maybe...


    Hopefully, Kim is the right person for him...


    I can only hope so...


    I took several deep breaths to calm myself down. After feeling a little calmer, then I forced both my feet to step into this cemetery. I walked slowly, tracing some of the tombs. I forgot where Chunghee''s parent''s grave was, so it took me a minute to find them.


    Once I was there, I immediately squatted down, touching the gravestone with regret in my heart. I thought that it was me who took Chunghee away, so I must take responsibility and muster up the courage to apologize.


    I hoped this would lessen the guilt I had been carrying all this time.


    Feeling extremely nervous, I took another deep breath before starting to say something deeply, "I''m sorry."


    However, as soon as I said just those two words, my chest felt extremely tight. I took another breath, then struggled to say what I wanted to say.


    "I once promised you to take care of Chunghee forever." Paused for a moment, I said, "I''m sorry I couldn''t keep it ... I''m sorry."


    "I ... I''ve hurt him all this time. He''s hurt because of me. He''s disappointed because of me. It''s my fault. It''s all my fault. I''m sorry ... I really am sorry."


    "I never meant that... I never meant to betray him, but... but I was just... stupid. I don''t know how to use my brain."


    My heart ached and broke at the same time as I said my words. However, not wanting to look like a crybaby, I tried so hard not to cry that my eyelids felt like they were about to tear.


    "I''ve been trying to persuade him to come back to me, but he still sticks to his decision so I can''t do anything but let him go as he wishes. But don''t worry, he is now with someone else and that person really likes Chunghee. I''m sure he will take care of Chunghee better than me."


    "But I promise, I will pay for all my mistakes in my own way. I promise. And I believe that this is the best way for me. I will bear everything by myself in the future without having to involve him again."


    After saying all that, I immediately stood up and rushed out of the cemetery to the car.


    Paused for a moment in the car, I felt a little more relaxed after saying what I should have said earlier. Even though I knew this wouldn''t last long, at least today I could pour out a little of the many problems that had been bothering me before finally driving the car.


    It was noon. The weather that was sunny was now cloudy. Feeling tired after driving quite a distance, I decided to stop at a cafe near the sea before heading back to Seoul. After all, the trip to Seoul took a long time, so I thought about gathering my strength for a while.


    I sat by the window, looking out at the wide ocean that seemed to have no end while waiting for my cup of coffee to be delivered to the table.


    As it was winter, not many people were seen at sea to dive. The city also didn''t look that crowded compared to the last time I came here for business.


    However, the beauty of this city couldn''t lie to the eyes of the beholder. The scenery here was quite beautiful. Even people who weren''t as interested in these kinds of things as me could be amazed. I thought, if only I was with Chunghee right now, this atmosphere must be very romantic for both of us. Unfortunately, I was alone here, so no matter how beautiful I looked at it now would still make me feel empty inside.


    Shortly after, a waiter came over with a cup of coffee and placed it on the table.


    I took a sip of coffee, then took my cell phone out of my pocket. Activating it, many pending messages immediately came in and there were several calls. I just looked at them expressionlessly and didn''t open them, then put my cell phone back in my pocket.


    After feeling enough to rest, I immediately stood up and walked to the cashier to pay for a drink before continuing my trip back to Seoul.

 Chapter 148 - Lee Donghwa: Too Long In Solitude

    After driving quite a distance, day after day I almost spent my time sleeping all day. It was even so rare for me to get hungry that I could feel my body losing a lot of weight without having to look at my condition in the mirror. It went on for three weeks until I felt like a man who was rotting in solitude and buried in the gloomy darkness.


    I didn''t know what to do to get through the next days. Even Yunhee, he had persuaded me several times to go out for some fresh air out there but I was too lazy just to lift my feet.


    Unlike before, every day that I went through felt like running in the same circle of time, and it was very boring.


    Now, I was still in bed, but not sleeping. I just kept hiding under the blanket like a cold person even though the heating was on. I didn''t know if the weather today was terrible or it was my heart that was frozen by circumstances.


    I just kept my eyes closed and imagined myself at a funeral.


    If only I...


    However, before I thought about it any further, the cell phone that was laying on the bedside table suddenly rang, made me open my eyes instantly. I reached out lazily to pick up my phone, then looked at the caller ID.


    As soon as I saw it was Hoonsik, I answered the call indifferently, "What?"


    "Sir, the meeting will start soon. People have gathered and Mr. Kim is also almost getting there. The people who have already attended are also waiting for you. We have to go immediately, one of the company staff keeps calling me to¡ª"


    "Wait, what?! A meeting?!" I was shocked and immediately got up from my position.


    "Yes, sir. I shifted the meeting schedule to today. You said you wanted to take two days off, so I moved the schedule." Paused for a moment, Hoonsik warned, "We must go immediately, sir. The people who are already present there keep pressing on me."


    After Hoonsik''s words, I massaged the bridge of my nose. I just remembered that today, there would be a cooperation meeting and also a press conference tonight. I didn''t think that I would forget those two important things today.


    Sighing heavily, I said, "If we''re late, no problem. Tell them to wait a little longer."


    "B-but, s-sir ...."


    Hoonsik was about to say something, but maybe because he was starting to understand my situation, he said resignedly, "All right, sir. I will ask someone to buy a little more time."


    Hearing that, I smiled before replying sincerely, "Good. That''s what I expect from you. So, please help me out today, okay?"


    Finishing my words, I immediately hung up and got out of bed. Then, a few minutes later, I came out with some files while walking towards where Hoonsik was currently waiting. And as soon as I got there and got in the car, Hoonsik immediately drove the car to the company.


    Along the way, I just kept silent while leaning back languidly. Closing my eyes, I took a breath several times in silence and tried to relax.


    However, no matter how much I tried to relax, the fatigue seemed to crush me in an instant. The problems I had been dealing with lately were enemies that nearly cost me death in defeat.


    I just kept standing as hard as I could even though my body and soul were already half-crushed.


    Until in this silence, Hoonsik''s voice was suddenly heard as if it cut through the air. He said, "Sir, it''s been almost two months since you haven''t gone to check on your condition. After the meeting, I''ll take you to the hospital for a checkup before attending press conference tonight."


    Still in a leaning position, I put my hands on my head and closed my eyes again, then replied in a hoarse voice, "No need. I don''t need to do that anymore. It''s useless. I just need to rest a little longer from then on." There was a smile at the end of my words which I didn''t even know why I was doing it.


    Hoonsik didn''t say anything. Perhaps, he already understood how messed up I was right now, so he just watched the situation silently without replying to my words.


    A funny thing crossed my mind. In a complicated situation like now, many people were looking for loopholes and slyly, trying to bring me down. However, Hoonsik as my confidant and Yunhee as my business colleague were the ones who kept standing by my side. They were the ones who could make me last a little longer until now.


    Even though I was often indifferent to them, I really just couldn''t accept that I owed them. I could neither thank them nor apologize. People had always known that I was a stubborn person to say things like that unless that person was Chunghee.


    After all, no matter how much effort someone tried to persuade me to be humble, I would never want to do such a shameful thing even if it was my fault.


    However, after going through a lot of painful things recently, despite how often they cheered me on, standing on fragile legs was the most difficult thing. Many problems caused a lot of emotions trapped inside of me so I was at my limit now.


    In the past, I thought that I would be a stubborn person for the rest of my life. However, the harsh reality had changed my life with the most lethal rotation. I didn''t even think that by now, I had reached the point of despair.


    Actually, I wanted to stay quiet until we got to the company. But, as I had been stuck in solitude and silence too many times, this atmosphere seemed like I was about to cry. So, as not to embarrass myself, I asked in a low voice, "Hey, Hoonsik, What do you think the reporters will be asking at the press conference tonight?" While asking to fill the silence, I straightened my back.


    Hoonsik didn''t respond immediately. There was a pause of a few seconds before he spoke, "Hmm, reporters are curious people, sir. Everything that concerns the GIM Agency, from the smallest to the hugest things, will not go unnoticed by their questions and it will be unexpected. Moreover, regarding the current case, they will definitely continue to press someone. Even if you tell the truth, they will find out more."


    "You''d better prepare yourself because some of the other company officials who have just cooperated with the company will also be participating in this press conference. For now, your good name is the main thing, sir, so you must be able to make sure that your agency is the best. After all, this press conference is not the first time for you. Even though tonight is on a large scale, I''m sure you can silence the reporters and handle everything."


    Hearing the long explanation of him made me chuckle slightly, then ended up with a bitter smile on the corner of my lips. There was nothing funny about the words, it''s just that, this stressful feeling had made me feel like I was losing my sanity long before today. And now, I realized that I had nothing good left in my life except for the bad that I had done so far.


    I asked again, "Well, what do you think about the rumors?"


    Paused for a moment, Hoonsik spoke carefully, "Sir, in the current situation, there will be attacks that could happen. In the past, it was Big Master Kim who silenced the reporters before he handed over the responsibility to his son. However, after seeing as you and Mr. Kim don''t have as good a relationship as his father ... um ... it looks like Mr. Kim won''t do the same as his father did. But, I''m sure, you can handle it because that kind of problem is not something quite serious. After all, Mr. Bae will also be present at the event, he will help you. Even so, you also have to be careful, sir."


    "Heh," exasperatedly, I said, "Yunhee? I can''t expect anything from him. After all, two versus ten people are still unfair, plus the reporters. I''m really done for tonight."


    Hoonsik laughed awkwardly. He countered to reassure me, "No, sir. The rumors are untrue. So how is it possible to admit what didn''t happen? That''s ridiculous, sir."


    "Heh, those rumors huh...." With a pause, I revealed, "When it comes to rumors, you''re wrong ¡ª they''re all true. However, regarding what you said about Kim, I admit that I indeed didn''t have a good relationship with Kim."


    To be honest, hearing Hoonsik mention that person''s name, Kim Daehyun, made me angry. However, I knew that expressing what I felt was just a waste of time. Expressing annoyance wouldn''t change my current state where it would never return Chunghee to me and fix everything in our relationship.

 Chapter 149 - Lee Donghwa: Our Business Was Not Over Yet!

    "Um, what do you mean, sir?"Hoonsik asked in confusion.


    "The rumors are true and my feud with Kim is also true," I answered, clarifying.


    There was a long silence before Hoonsik asked doubtfully once more, "The rumors are true? If you had a feud with Mr. Kim, people would already know about it. Even, not only the people in the agency but also in your new company recently. However, when it comes to the rumors ...."


    Yoon Hoonsik paused before he finished his sentence and fell silent after that.


    I couldn''t guess what exactly he was thinking right now, but I could guess that he was in shock as soon as he heard those words.


    "Heh." I gave no response and just looked out the window.


    After the conversation, neither of us talked until we arrived at the company.


    Hoonsik and I immediately headed inside the meeting hall. With quick steps, I ignored the greetings from the staff and employees; passed them by without hospitality.


    Inside the room, my eyes swept in all directions, eying the top divisions of the company and several heads of different companies that were cooperating with this company, then stopped when I saw Daehyun who gave me a careless look.


    His flat face didn''t express any emotions. However, his eyes always looked as if he was mocking and demeaning anyone he saw.


    When our eyes met, the muscles of his lips twitched, revealing an insincere and simply obligatory smile.


    Seeing that expression, made me realize that he was more annoying than before. Calmly, I tried to smile to show a little friendliness as demand for cooperation and as a sign of respect for his father before heading to my seat.


    Moments later, the meeting began. A woman as Corporate Secretary stood up and started the opening, introducing the dignitaries of the divisions and companies who were present. Then, smiling, she invited me to present material on the product of inter-company cooperation.


    The projector screen unfolded and showed a fortune chart on each proposed product with its percentage level. Even though I wasn''t fit, I still tried to be professional in presenting every idea I made.


    After presenting several things, the Company Assistant again invited the manager in the marketing department to present the results in the field.


    "Okay, I will report on marketing activities for the past month. Market demand has decreased by 30% from last month." He paused for a moment, sighing before continuing, "We have tried our best to increase market turnover, but the demand for our products continues to decline every day".


    Hearing this statement, a man who was the president of a different company hit the table quite hard. The sound of a loud crash caused the people in the hall to turn their eyes to him in unison. His face wrinkled, then stood up, screaming, "What?! How can the market turnover decrease so drastically?! Although we just added raw materials to the production side! I even took 10% of my company''s cash for that! What''s the reason?!" The person was silent for a moment before glancing at me sharply, "Mr. Lee, as the proponent of this product, where are your responsibilities, heh? How incompetent you are!"


    The other higher-ups seemed to agree and began to contemplate ¡ª whispering ¡ª discussing something. Except for that Kim, the expression on his face didn''t show any emotion yet, and looked calm as if he wasn''t interested at all in this discussion.


    "Ah, sir, sorry. This is the responsibility of the Marketing Division." The marketing manager interjected, "We have researched in the field that there is a product like ours that has attractive quality and shape. Thus, it makes consumers curious and switches to the product."


    The man squeaked in annoyance. He sat back down without rebuttal, then fiddled with the pen on his finger. He looked restless.


    Heh, indirectly, that person was trying to corner me. However, his hasty attitude instead looked like a child whining in disapproval. He only embarrassed himself!


    "Should we create new products and increase product quality?" someone asked.


    "If you increase the quality, the funds spent will definitely increase and make new products have a higher price. Doesn''t that affect the purchasing power of consumers?" another gave a response.


    Hearing about this, I confirmed, "It''s bound to happen. Creating a new product requires a lot of money. Production and material costs. Especially in marketing, it will take more time for market recognition, and will make it difficult for the people in the marketing. So, we should continue to run the old product, but by adding innovation to the product."


    Amid people''s debates about this product decision, I occasionally glance at Daehyun who has been silent for a long time, being lazy and still as calm as before.


    He was quite weird. Usually, at the previous cooperation meeting, he was always aggressive in dealing with issues like this, and even easier to silence anyone''s mouth with offensive smacking words. But, right now, he didn''t seem like become his true self.


    After a long discussion, the decision fell on my proposal where we would continue to market the old product but by improving its quality.


    "Okay, I give full responsibility to the production party about that. But, can Financial Management cover the entire production cost? Can you present the available funds?"


    A woman who was in Financial Management stood up, then started the presentation.


    However, after seeing a fairly low financial percentage, the people in this room seemingly began to change their minds.


    By that percentage, and looking at the profit this month, I was sure that they didn''t want to withdraw their company''s cash to repeat the same mistake. It was clearly shown in every expression on their thoughtful faces.


    However, amid their discussion on the matter, Daehyun made a voice. He spoke arrogantly all of a sudden among us as if he was sick of hearing the stupid officials was were arguing in this hall.


    "You don''t need to prolong this matter. I think Mr. Lee''s proposal is good enough and there is no need to argue anymore. I don''t have time to linger on the meeting just to hear your stupid ideas."


    Such sudden words made the whole room fall into silence. He continued, "Seeing that some of you are afraid to decide on financing, right? I am ready to finance 50% of the production party. And don''t worry, the profit from the sale will not change. What about that? I hope this offer makes you relax."


    Those words made the faces of the people in this room brighten up instantly. Their eyes were full of admiration and they clapped loudly, and there was no more declination to show on their faces other than relief and pride.


    However, even so, I didn''t need to give such an award too much for him. I just smiled and replied with a sharp look from him.


    A few moments later, the meeting today was over, and people began to leave the hall one by one.


    However, when I was about to leave, Daehyun called from behind my back and made me stop walking, "Hey, Lee, wait! I have something to talk to you about."


    He approached and continued, "Regarding the press conference tonight, I don''t want you to do anything reckless. I don''t want to beg you, but regarding this, I beg you for this."


    Hearing his words, left me stunned for a moment, then sneered, "After what you''ve done all this time, you still have the face to say that? Seriously."


    Even though I said that calmly, but apparently, the words made Daehyun react. His straight face turned red, he looked annoyed and spoke, "What have I done? If you mean about Chunghee, I won''t waste my time repeating the same words, okay?"


    I took a deep breath. "Okay. But, whatever decision I make later, it''s something that I have thought about carefully. If I have to admit everything in the media, why should I think about other people''s good names? I don''t want to decide things for the sake of others. If sacrificing yourself can embarrass your family, why not?"


    "You!" All of a sudden he gripped my coat tightly enough and pulled me closer while saying loudly, "How dare you to say that! If you hate me, then hate me. Don''t involve my family!"


    "I thought my business with you was over after Chunghee made up his mind. But, why are you still acting like that?!" Daehyun continued.


    Hearing his words, I was silent for a while looking at him intently before finally speaking in a whispering voice but with words that were still clear.


    "My business with Chunghee is over. But, my business with you will never over, you know."


    Those firm words made him speechless as if all his words were swallowed up suddenly and made his tongue stiffen. His eyes lit up, and the lines of hatred were clearly visible in them. He then pushed me back, glaring at me with a furious look.

 Chapter 150 - Lee Donghwa: He Would Come Back To Me

    Daehyun was silent as soon as he heard the declaration. However, his gaze certainly showed how irritated he was to hear that.


    He stayed here for a while before he finally left the room without a word.


    After he left with annoyance on his face, I didn''t react for a few seconds like I lost my mind for a moment. Until Hoonsik''s voice, which I almost forgot that he was still standing beside me, broke the silence and made me awake.


    "Sir, sir? Are you all right?"


    I slowly shifted my gaze towards Hoonsik who looked confused. Looking blankly at him, I smiled, but that only showed deep anguish from the various feelings that pierced my heart ¡ª relentlessly ¡ª and mercilessly.


    "You saw how he behaved, didn''t you? He came and left as he pleased. Not only that, but he also started acting like a kind person when he needed something as if he''ve never done anything wrong." I chuckled ridiculously before saying, "He always thinks of me as the troublemaker in his precious family without thinking about other people''s families. He doesn''t know his place. That''s why I don''t like him. Overconfidence makes his arrogance gets higher."


    There was nothing I regretted about those words other than admitting them to be true. Smiling, I continued. "Or ... maybe ... being born into a rich family made him always want to be in the top position, so he acts as he pleases."


    These are all complaints as well as mocking comments. I always wanted to say that in front of him and yell right in his face so that his face that was always covered with his arrogance showed a sorry, slumped expression that could make me laugh at him.


    However, this feud was a little childish. We were like two little kids who were fighting over an exclusive candy bar until one of us burst into tears at his misfortune. So, after thinking carefully, saying it would also be pointless.


    Meanwhile, Hoonsik was silent. He looked like he wanted to speak, but there was a reluctance on his lips as they opened so that in the end there was only silence.


    I turned around, walking out towards the room labeled ''President''s Room''.


    Entering the room, I took off the coat I was wearing, threw it on the sofa, then sat behind the shiny black table. I leaned back and closed my eyes, imagining how I would cope with all the pressures of the reporters at the press conference tonight.


    However, it was only for a moment. A few seconds later, the thoughts turned into a grieve for myself. I slowly opened my eyes, staring at the ceiling of this room with a weak smile.


    There was nothing wrong if I grieved for myself because I had always looked pathetic lately. I had been aware of that for a long time, ever since I ... lost something most precious in my life.


    All thoughts gathered in my head and all the feelings gathered in my chest. All of it was already too much to be called ''painful''.


    Hoonsik suddenly voiced awkwardly, "Um, Mr. Lee, actually what Mr. Kim said earlier was not to brag."


    I swept my gaze over Hoonsik, looking at him and wondering about how he could say that so boldly. There was a sense of rejection when I heard the sentence but I chose to be silent and waited for him to speak again.


    "Um, sir, not only for the sake of the Kim Family. Kim Myungdae is even willing to say the same, it''s for the company. You must know what''s going on if people know the rumors are true."


    Hearing his last sentence, I frowned. I just remembered that Hoonsik exactly didn''t know anything about the rumors. Or, he might only think positively about me all the time?


    Over the years, I had always been in awe of his analytical powers. It intrigued me that I chose him as my confidant as well as my advisor who managed everything included my personal affairs.


    However, I was quite surprised why he didn''t notice this.


    "Yes, sir, you should think about it carefully. Mr. Kim warned you repeatedly not without reason, this is only for the sake of¡ª"


    "I''m always in a difficult position when I argue with him, you know. Even if I just sneer behind his back, people will be in his side, right? Even now, my own confidant who has served me for a long time does." I purposely suppressed the last sentence, offending it blatantly.


    I was actually angry. But, now I didn''t know how I should show it other than talking in a calm tone that I had not even done before when I was angry.


    Seemingly, this sadness and pain made me feel how painful suffering was so I learned to be calm at this time.


    Hoonsik was getting more and more awkward and guilt dimmed the light on his face, "A-ah, I''m so sorry, sir. I''m sorry."


    Sighing, this conversation wasn''t something to argue about. Not having any objections, I asked lightly, "What about the things I asked for? You should also remember the flowers I ordered for Chunghee. Give them to him when he comes back."


    "Ah," his voice was already more cheerful, "I''ve bought everything you need, sir ¡ª it''s in the car ¡ª do I need to get it to show you?"


    I shook my head slowly and replied, "I just wanted to make sure."


    Paused for a moment, Hoonsik asked in surprise, "Um, but why don''t you just send the flowers to Mr. Park in Sokcho, sir? Isn''t Mr. Park ... um, doesn''t ...."


    Yoon Hoonsik stopped before he finished his words while scratching his head. He might be afraid to continue because he was worried that I would get furious.


    However, even so, I still knew what exactly he wanted to say. I smiled, then said deeply, "Chunghee will return to Seoul. I''m sure he will come back for me this time."


    I said the words confidently. I knew that I shouldn''t have to say this far-fetched thing but I was sure, that Chunghee would really come back to me.


    Hearing those words, Hoonsik was slightly surprised. He looked at me with his mouth slightly open.


    Until he then cleared his throat softly as he walked to pick up his bag on the sofa. He probably thought I was insane for saying that, so he changed the subject by saying, "Um, I have something to take care of, sir. So I have to get back to my office."


    When his hand was about to turn the doorknob, he stopped and immediately turned around when he heard me say, "Actually, the rumors that I''m in a relationship with Sunyeon are true. I even had sex with him in this room, you know. But I don''t love him. He only entertains me when I feel bored, or... when I''m having a bad day with Chunghee. You should know that, right?"


    Hoonsik was instantly flabbergasted by the honesty. His eyes widened as if his eyeball wanted to jump from their lids.


    "Why? Are you surprised? Are you even disgusted now? Or, do you want to blame me? It doesn''t matter, though." I stared at him as if forcing him to speak immediately.


    After all, I thought that people should know how stupid I was for doing that. So, I let Honsik find out first.


    In a long silence, he finally said, "So it''s true. You shouldn''t have done that, sir. Mr. Park is a very good man I think."


    I smiled. "I know right. That''s why I''m suffering now. So, since you know this now, feel free to choose whether you want to stay or leave if you don''t agree with this rumor."


    A smile was etched on Hoonsik''s face. He said, "No, sir. You have put your trust in me, and I will serve you too. We have been through tough things at the company for a long time, I couldn''t have run away so easily."


    Hearing that answer, a smile of satisfaction immediately tugged at the corners of my lips.


    Hoonsik continued, "If the rumors are true, then it''s not a problem. I will always believe in you, sir. Whatever your decision, I believe that you can handle everything on your own. And when about Mr. Park, at least, you have done your best to fix your relationship. Also, Mr. Cho, I''m sure you''ve regretted it and won''t repeat the same mistake."


    Hearing Hoonsik''s words, I lowered my gaze. Those were words I had wanted to hear for a long time where someone didn''t blame me for my own stupidity. It made me want to cry but I tried hard not to embarrass myself in front of my subordinate. So, I just said, "You don''t need to show your politeness to Sunyeon. The words ''Mr. Cho'' isn''t necessary. You''re even in a better position than him. He was rude to you too, right?"


    Hoonsik chuckled softly. "He was a child then, sir. It doesn''t matter at all."


    I didn''t respond but smile.

 Chapter 151 - Lee Donghwa: Press Conference (1)

    After everything was clear, Hoonsik hurriedly left this room after saying that compliment.


    I didn''t know if he was telling the truth or just trying to cheer me up. Obviously, it was helped me relax a bit now even if it was only temporary. And in the end, I was back to feel torn and hopeless again.


    Leaning my back against the chair sluggishly, I occasionally glanced at my watch, which showed 2:30 in the afternoon just now. There were still a few more hours before I attended the press conference. Finally, I unconsciously fell asleep in the chair until someone came in to wake me up, reminding me of the event.


    6:00 pm.


    In one of the five-star hotels, the heads of companies and senior executives sat on the chairs that had been provided. While the reporters with ID cards hanging around their necks ¡ª men and women with notebooks, cameras ¡ª were also ready. I could even see how many questions they had on their faces.


    In less than thirty minutes the press conference was about to start.


    The large hall was cold, but anxiety made sweat drip down my forehead with my temperature rising by a few degrees. I took a few sips of water and overheard several people from the crowd of reporters chanting my name with light, mocking chuckles. Dimly, but a sentence like ''Mr. Lee''s career is coming to an end'' was heard so clear to my ears. They mocked very cruelly. Until a woman who realized that I was watching them immediately signaled silence to some of her colleagues who were gossiping in front of me.


    They immediately changed the subject and acted innocently as if they were just talking about something else.


    At 6:30 pm, this event began. Many company officials had gathered and the reporters prepared with their notebooks. The media was starting to cover and this was a live broadcast. Pointing out just one mistake, people in South Korea would laugh at anyone constantly and even remember it as something funny and embarrassing.


    The camera lights flashed and dazzled for a moment ¡ª one after another without stopping. The reporters started asking questions gradually, with a normal question about the company; about the rumors concerning the company.


    I answered all of those questions almost perfectly, nervousness just couldn''t get my head to think about my best answer right now but I made it.


    Until a reporter started to ask me something about my personal affairs and it got more intense ...


    "We have heard that the relationship between you and President Kim is not good lately, is that true?"


    The question piqued the curiosity of the other reporters and seemed to be getting more and more interested until some of them started to push.


    "Yes, does it have anything to do with the rumors from three years ago?"


    "Right, we''ve found some evidence of your recent closeness with your male assistant too. We can show you some pictures if you want to see them. One of them was taken in front of one of the hotels in Seoul."


    "But people will want to know about your feud with President Kim. So would you like to clarify?"


    In the crowd ¡ª in the most hidden place ¡ª Daehyun focused his gaze on me, then looked away when our eyes met at the point of injustice.


    Seemingly, no one noticed his presence in this place. If only they looked back and saw that person standing between them, they wouldn''t have dared to mention our terrible relationship at this press conference.


    The reporters were getting more and more pressing and people were holding back with intimidating faces as if they were crushing me with two pieces of concrete without mercy.


    It didn''t matter if the answer would be answered in a hurry or in a bad sentence. In their minds, seen from that perspective, the answer was the most important thing.


    This situation was really unfair!


    In confusion, the same questions were asked one after another by the reporters. The cameras beamed and the lights seemed to take a secret that I had kept close to me, to told the world that my disgrace was disgusting.


    People would hate me and curse my name. Until my mind changed what I thought, and gave the answer, "That rumors are ... true ...."


    The people Instantly fell silent, ensued in disbelief. There were all kinds of expressions, but they all showed the same feeling ¡ª surprised ¡ª including that Kim Daehyun ¡ª he was more dominating.


    Until one of the company officials who was sitting at the front stood up, hitting the table hard enough as if to buzz the air with a loud shrill sound. He yelled, "So it''s true?! You turned out to be a liar. Tricked us out of self-interest!"


    "Yes, that''s right! You liar!" others confirmed.


    A reporter asked, "So, Kim Myungdae has been covering it up for three years, was this planned?"


    Before giving an answer, my eyes instinctively moved towards Daehyun. He might be annoyed by turning his face away.


    I smirked and finally replied, "The rumors are true, but they have nothing to do with Kim Myungdae. I''ve been covering it up by myself. Kim Myungdae is on good terms with me, but that doesn''t mean we have covered the rumors up together. He doesn''t even know anything about this. You can directly ask his son behind your back. He was even surprised after hearing your questions."


    Everyone turned around at the same time, looking at Daehyun and making them all shocked in ignorance. Several reporters, who asked questions about our ''bad relationship'', looked awkward and there was concern on their pale faces.


    However, offending his family''s reputation where it shouldn''t be, he could wipe out anyone even if it was his company.


    "Please ask him the truth," I said.


    The people in the room were unmoved. None of them dared to speak confidently. Until someone spoke to me, "Because you have been lying all this time, I will terminate the contract with your agency, Mr. Lee. After all, the rumors will have a negative impact on my agency if it continues."


    Gradually, people began to open their mouths, deciding the same thing, even on the sidelines, they heard blasphemy.


    Some of them were still considering.


    In this situation, I left the room indifferently. The reporters were about to approach, but the guards swiftly blocked them.


    Thinking that it was all over, I left, leaving the reporters with their curiosity, and the company officials who would probably feel disrespected.


    Inside the spacious room, I leaned languidly on the sofa. Then, a sharp voice rang out from behind, "You really are an idiot. Do you think they''d just believe in such a lowly reason? It would even put your reputation at risk in the media."


    The voice was very familiar. I didn''t have to turn around to see who was talking.


    "I can''t think of a way out anymore. I''ll apologize to your father later," I replied.


    I heard him take a deep breath, then slowly walked over, and sat across from me.


    Looking at me sharply, he said, "No need. I''ll talk to him."


    Daehyun poured wine into a sparkling clear glass, took a sip, then spoke again, "You''re so sneaky. Distracted the reporters from me, then you just walked away. How dare you."


    As I wasn''t interested in the conversation, I distracted him by asking, "You drink? I thought you were anti-alcohol."


    He smirked. "See? you always act so impudently. At least you should thank me because you can escape and let me handle everything."


    Paused, he let out a sigh of relief, "... But, it''s not a big deal though. Since you didn''t tell them all the truth, I''ll hide my face to thank you. So, thank you."


    "Heh, drop it." I straightened my back, then spoke seriously, "I want to talk something important to you. This is about Chunghee."


    I didn''t continue my sentence but waiting for him to say something first.


    "What is it?" he asked.


    Taking a deep breath, I asked to confirm, "Are you really going back to France?"


    "Right," he answered lightly.


    I was stunned for a moment, then asked again, "Are you going to take Chunghee with you?"


    "Of course."


    Heh, he didn''t even deny it at all ...


    He also didn''t seem to mind saying that and there wasn''t a line of regret that he showed on his face.


    Shameless!


    "Alright then," I said, "I left him to you. Promise me, you will take care of him; you will always be with him; never make him feel lonely. I also beg you sincerely, I beg you to take him to the hospital. I will give all my money for his recovery."


    "Without you asking, I''ll do it. Just save the money for your new life with Sunyeon¡ª"


    "That''s my foolishness!" I glared at him, then explained, "I''m not that close to him. Our relationship is only based on ''needs''. He has feelings for me, but I just played with him."

 Chapter 152 - Lee Donghwa: Press Conference (2)

    He chuckled. "Do I look like I care about it?"


    I sighed heavily, then leaned back against the back of the sofa languidly. I said enviously, "I don''t know what did you do to make Chunghee defend you all the way back then. I also don''t know why he chose you over than he had to start over with me ... even though I kneeled but I don''t know why he stuck with his decision."


    I paused for a few seconds as I remembered that day. Showing a smile, I continued deeply, "I don''t want to blame you. I just want to thank you for making him feel better than when he was with me."


    Hearing about this, he was stunned for a moment, then replied, "Sounds unfair, doesn''t it? You have to get used to this because life is full of injustice."


    "Heh, I don''t care what you say but regarding the request what I said before, I mean it."


    Without responding, he immediately stood up and walked towards the door. Before leaving, he said, "The reporters are waiting for you in front of the hotel. I already helped you to escape from their questions earlier, so take care of the rest by yourself." He then left without any kindness on his face.


    The room fell silent again and all the thoughts came naturally so that all I could hear was the voice of my heart screaming.


    Life is full of injustice ...


    Daehyun''s words flashed through my mind in musing.


    That was the truth. Sometimes, something that we thought was eternal in this world could die out of time ...


    God had arranged everything so carefully and neatly that none of us knew for sure what would happen next ...


    Now, the time was 8:30 pm in Daejeon.


    In this city, the sky was wholly dark and a drizzle fell like a cry in the gloom. Outside the window, on the ground floor of the hotel courtyard where I was, the reporters had been seen gathering, waiting for clarity and truth of the news regarding what I had conveyed in the conference hall early.


    How could they not be, the words were only in the form of obscurity that made their curiosity like a monster thirsting for curiosity.


    Heh, stupid.


    They were all indeed the mercenaries of their rotten masters who were mad for power.


    I looked at the crowd a few floors from above by peeking behind the thin curtain. Down there I saw them without any concern or regret at what I had said in front of the crowd. And even if it was self-embarrassment, it couldn''t be compared to the most painful thing in my entire life. A tragedy that had occurred recently was more painful and regretful than just being lied to by someone you trust, and more than just a heartbreak that was hard to describe.


    "Sir, we must leave immediately." Hoonsik''s voice came from behind my back, then he put a coat on my shoulders.


    Silence for a few seconds, I quickly went through the back door to avoid the reporters, towards the car parked in the basement. Hoonsik then drove the car under the foggy drizzle very carefully.


    Leaning in the back seat of the car, I touched my heavy forehead and massaged it gently. All the events of the past auto-played in my memory, looping and endlessly stopping. This happened all the time and I just had to endure even if it hurt.


    The feelings made my body feel weary like being slashed by a sharp knife repeatedly and caused excruciating pain, but it wasn''t bleeding. The wound would never heal and the pain would never end. As long as my injured heart was still beating, I would continue to feel this situation and go through difficult days all the time.


    That was the risk of the unforgivable.


    I sighed heavily. Feeling an emptiness, I spread my fingers, looking at something empty in my hand, where something precious bounded by a promise of loyalty had once wrapped around my ring finger.


    However, we were no longer together. Holding onto the happiness that had become a wound, was like pulling my heart out in a conscious state.


    The happiness built up over the years was gone in the blink of an eye, like a grain of sand that was counted in vain without end. It made me realize that I was the destroyer of the happiness that was supposed to last in our relationship.


    Until Hoonsik''s voice woke me up, "Sir, Mr. Kim Myungdae is already at his residence right now ... are you sure you want to see him now?"


    I lowered my stiff hand, and there was grit in my voice as I said, "Yeah, don''t waste any more time."


    "Um, didn''t Mr. Kim Daehyun said that he would explain everything to his father ... it''s better if you ...." There was a doubt in those words which was clearly audible in his slightly trembling voice as he spoke.


    However, as an ''obedient'' person, he stopped and chose to swallow up the words.


    "I have to talk to him directly."


    "Oh, um, alright, sir."


    A few minutes before arriving at the Kim Family residence, the magnificent building from behind the trees was already visible from a distance. I took a deep breath, preparing myself for all the bad things that awaited at that place.


    However, suddenly my cell phone rang and the call was from the young master of the family. I frowned and picked up the call reluctantly.


    As if I already knew what he was going to say, I said, "What''s the matter? I''ll still be talking to your father tonight. I almost get there."


    "No! I told you, you don''t need to. I''ve talked to him and ... it''s decided that I''ll take care of everything ¡ª that''s all ¡ª that''s why I called you. I just want to inform you."


    "I never asked for your help. I''ll get there and talk to your father." With a pause, I continued, "It would be better to meet him in person."


    He replied in annoyance, "Stupid. Do you want to die? He''s going to kill you. After all, I''ve talked to him. And this time, please listen to me." Daehyun could be heard sighing softly before saying again, "I hate you, but I don''t want to be selfish right now. I mean it."


    Although his voice sounded calm, there was a reassuring firmness in the sentence.


    Hearing his earnest words, I paused and started thinking about it carefully before drawing a decision.


    "Alright ...." With a pause, I then spoke to Hoonsik who was driving. "Take me to Sunyeon''s place right now."


    "Ah, sure, sir," Hoonsik said with relief in his voice as he turned his car around and took a different route.


    "Hey, Kim, are you there?"


    "What?"


    I took a deep breath. "Kim ... I... would ...." I actually hesitated to say my words. I gritted my teeth hard and clenched my fists tightly; holding back the ''apologizing'' words that were already on the tip of my tongue.


    That was truly embarrassing. Losing my sanity for a moment almost made me humble myself. Saying it, was the same as letting that Kim Daehyun trample my pride.


    Since I didn''t say anything, Daehyun said in a domineering cold tone, "... If you have nothing to say anymore, I''ll hang up now."


    I didn''t give any response until the ongoing call was disconnected after a few seconds Daehyun finished his sentence.


    In the silence on this trip, I just kept staring out the window without a word. It was still drizzling and because this place was dominated by trees, the fog covered the darkness in this area thickly. Only the headlights of the vehicle are clearly visible.


    Until he didn''t realize Hoonsik had pulled his car over in front of one of the high-rise apartments in the middle of the city.


    I said flatly, "Give me my thing."


    Hoonsik grabbed a small red box with a ribbon, then handed the box politely to me and I quickly took it without another word.


    I immediately went out to where Sunyeon was and Hoonsik was waiting downstairs.


    After pressing the doorbell once, the doorknob turned and the door immediately opened, revealing a young man I had neglected for a long time but still managed to put a warm smile on his face when he saw me. I expected him to hate me, but instead, he greeted me with his warmth and friendliness that had not changed since I met him for the first time.


    He was still like the snotty kid I knew. But unexpectedly, he jumped at me, hugged me tightly and I could hear a groan of sadness as he buried his face in my chest.


    "Brother Lee, I can''t believe you came to see me. I was waiting for you because you promised me you would meet me this month. I thought you were lying so I wanted to confirm from you whether you really meant it, but I was so scared to contact you. But, seeing you now, I''m very happy."

 Chapter 153 - Lee Donghwa: Happy Birthday To You

    I was stunned for a moment, thinking he was talking too much. I used to scold him all the time for this, but now I could understand him.


    Sunyeon was indeed a kid who talked a lot since I first met him. However, as I wanted him to act like Chunghee, I always demanded him to do things that were contrary to how he really was.


    That was unfair. I knew that clearly.


    Still hugging me, he cried quite loudly and kept repeating words, "I''m so happy".


    I knew that it was a cry of joy from all the pain he had been holding in for so long. I completely understood him and simply ignored the truth by continuing to reveal a cold and indifferent attitude, and taking my anger out on him when he contacted me.


    It was cruel and I knew it pretty well. It''s just that because I felt that letting him stay by my side all this time was the biggest mistake I had ever done, every time I saw him I got angry and hated him so much.


    However, lately, I had been thinking that I shouldn''t hate this kid. I left him with me because I wanted to. The one I deserved to hate was myself. If there was someone that I had to blame, then it was myself, not this kid.


    He liked me but I instead took advantage of him without caring if he would get hurt or not.


    It was heartless.


    "Sunyeon, don''t cry anymore, okay?" I patted his head gently as I said, "Now, let go of your hands. I can''t stay here for long. I need to rest."


    Sunyeon was a kid who was obedient to my words. He then let go of his hands and wiped his tear-filled eyes as soon as I said that. He lowered his head, hiding his crying face, and continued to clean his eyes from the tears that kept flowing non-stop.


    Feeling sorry for him, I slowly lifted his face and smiled gently. Seeing the deep sadness in his eyes, pity and guilt flashed through my mind like the warmth of summer. I wiped his tears with my thumbs and said gently, "Stop crying, okay? That''s enough. Don''t cry anymore."


    However, instead of stopping, he hugged me again and said something that made me realize that I had hurt him too many times.


    "After so long, it''s the first time you''ve said such gentle words to me. I can''t stop crying. I''m so happy tonight."


    I could only wail without being able to say a word.


    Until Sunyeon slowly let go of his embrace while wiping his tears. As soon as his tears stopped, he asked with a smile, "Brother Lee, why didn''t you call me before coming here?"


    "Because I know you''re not going anywhere tonight. So I think that I don''t need to call you first."


    Sunyeon looked sullen. He then said, "Brother Lee, may I complain something? Just one more time."


    Taking a deep breath in silence, I said, "Say it."


    "Why don''t you ever pick up my call? I just wanted to know how you''ve been doing all this time."


    "I''m sorry. I''ve got a lot of trouble lately. You know that, right? So I don''t have time to talk to you. I''m sorry, okay?" I said sincerely.


    "Hoonsik said that you never go to the hospital to check your cardiac anymore, why? You are an old man. You should care more about your condition."


    I just smiled without responding with a word.


    There was a long silence before I said in a deep voice, "Last month was your birthday, wasn''t it? I have something for you." While saying that, I showed a red box with a ribbon, and smiled.


    He was surprised but didn''t react for a moment before a happy smile slowly grew wider on his face. His eyes filled with tears of happiness again.


    He reached for the box carefully, watched it silently, and then lifted his head to reveal the tears welling up in his puffy eyes.


    "Sunyeon, happy birthday to you."


    This was the first time I gave him a birthday present. Back then, if it weren''t for him asking for a gift from me, I would never have cared this much for him. But, since lately, I had been reflecting on my mistakes a lot, I thought that I needed to fix what I could fix while it wasn''t over yet.


    As soon as Sunyeon heard the words, his eyes immediately widened open. He looked at me with disbelief on his rosy face.


    He grabbed the box, looked at it happily, then said, "You''re so sweet tonight. I''m so happy. Thank you."


    He opened the box and smiled as he continued to stare at a watch in it with teary eyes.


    However, it was clear, the gleam of joy in his eyes from the start was slowly dimming, replaced by a faint sadness and then clearer. He then smiled once more that didn''t reach his eyes. "Brother Lee, come on in. I know you''re in a hurry, but it''s so cold out here. We''d better talk inside."


    Stunned for a moment, I stepped inside, then sat on the sofa followed by Sunyeon. Leaning lazily against the sofa, suddenly my brows furrowed when I saw the suitcase and a few things that had been packed. I straightened my back and asked in surprise, "Where are you going?"


    At first, Sunyeon seemed reluctant to answer, but with a sincere smile he finally replied, "That''s ... I ... I''ll be going the day after tomorrow ...."


    "Going where? How long?" Hearing his answer made me frown, confused.


    He was stunned for a moment before replying, "I ... will move ...."


    "What the hell do you mean?"


    He looked at me meaningfully and breathed silently. "Brother Lee, I will move to France. I''m not going back to this country. I''ve already taken care of my transfer papers and my other papers."


    Hearing that explanation, my good mood previously suddenly turned mixed. There was a feeling of anger slowly crawling and unbearable in my chest. I asked in surprise, "What?! Did Yunhee let you go?!"


    "Sure. He''s already agreed."


    I paused, surprised. Hearing that, I laughed stupidly.


    "Heh, so you''re going too, huh?!" I yelled at him angrily, then stood up.


    I didn''t know why I was angry. I just felt that everyone I knew seemed to be leaving me as if they hated me or they did?


    Sunyeon''s eyes started to redden. He stood up and yelled, "What do you mean?! Haven''t you wanted me to go all along?! Now I''ll do what you want!" Paused for a moment, he continued with a gentle tone, "Brother Lee, you want me to leave and not bother you anymore, right? I will. I will also delete your number after you leave this place."


    I clenched my fists tightly and kept trying to suppress my urge to break the glass table beside me.


    "I''ve thought this through. If I continue to be in this country, I will definitely only continue to be a nuisance to you. So, I decided to leave. Being here too, I will only keep wishing for things that will never happen to you." He smiled, but there was a look of ridicule on his face. "Brother Lee, you such a jerk. Fuck you for¡ª"


    "Slap!"


    My hand that I had been holding back from hitting anything slapped his face leaving a clear red trail on his cheek before he could finish those words.


    He didn''t continue his words and just cry. Seeing him in pain, I regretted hitting him and immediately hugged him to my chest. "I''m sorry. It was my fault. Please don''t hate me."


    While crying, he spoke, "I asked you to come here just to invite you to have dinner together before I go. But, why are you scolding me instead? You always scold me ...."


    "I''m sorry. I''ve had tough days." With a pause, I lifted his face. "It''s your decision ... I won''t forbid you."


    "Brother Lee, I know you will never forbid me ... because I''m not him ...."


    Not him?


    Without mentioning his name, the person he meant was pretty clear.


    Those words were like a knife that sliced ??through my heart mercilessly. Sunyeon had become a cruel person just by saying that.


    Suppressing my anger, I tried to smile and quickly changed the subject, "You want to have dinner together, don''t you? I hope you''ve prepared it because I don''t have much time to wait for you to prepare everything."


    Sunyeon wiped his tears immediately, then nodded excitedly. "Sure. I''ve prepared it." He walked over to the table, followed by me.


    There was some food on the dining table. Not anything special, but not bad taste for one bite.


    "Brother Lee, I was watching TV ...."


    "Then?"


    He put down his spoon, then spoke quietly, "Why did you convey that to the reporters. Mr. Kim Myungdae has tried so hard to cover up our relationship ... won''t he get angry for this?"


    "Hopefully. But, Kim has spoken to him in a family manner. I think everything will be fine." The words sounded indifferent, but I was the one who really worried about that.


    Sunyeon was silent, without giving any response. The look on his face showed the understanding of my words.

 Chapter 154 - Lee Donghwa: Pain

    After this conversation, we ate the food with little talk and felt very awkward with each other. This atmosphere made us feel like two people who didn''t know each other yet but forced us to keep dating, even making the food taste bad too.


    In the silence of us, Sunyeon finally spoke, "Brother Lee, may I put this watch in my hand now?"


    I, who was about to eat the food stopped, glanced at him slightly, and replied in a low voice, "Sure."


    Sunyeon smiled happily. He then immediately put the watch in his left hand while continuing to look at it with bright eyes. The watch was a little loose on his wrist, but he looked unconcerned and kept revealing an expression of joy.


    He said again excitedly, "This watch must be very expensive. I saw it in one of the jewelry stores." He smiled at me, then continued, "You shouldn''t have to give me such an expensive gift. You''ve already helped me pay my tuition and given me a place to live. That''s more than enough."


    I forced a smile. "It''s different ...."


    Saying this, I suddenly remembered something. I slowly put down the spoon, then lifted my gaze to Sunyeon, staring at him in silence.


    Realizing that I was staring at him at the moment, Sunyeon frowned and asked in confusion, "What''s wrong?"


    I clenched my fists tightly, forcing myself to speak, "I''m ... I''m sorry ...."


    Sunyeon didn''t say anything, but his face still looked confused.


    Taking a deep breath, I tried to say once again, "I''m sorry. I''ve always been taking my anger out on you. It might be too late to say this but I hope you forgive me."


    Hearing me suddenly say this, Sunyeon lowered his gaze slightly as if he was thinking about something. He then smiled and replied, "Brother Lee, I forgive you. Don''t think about it anymore."


    I smiled, lowering my head. Hearing those words, I felt very happy when I knew that there was still someone willing to forgive me. If only Chunghee wanted to forgive me that easily, I wouldn''t have to feel lonely all my life.


    Suddenly Sunyeon shouted in the midst of our gap, "Brother Lee! You ... are you crying?"


    With great shock, those words immediately made me realize that I was in tears right now. I quickly wiped my eyes while trying to smile. However, the more I pulled at the corners of my lips, the more tears flowed out of my eyes.


    Sunyeon stood up from his chair, then hurried over to me. He hugged me to comfort me and said worriedly, "Brother Lee, it''s okay. Don''t think about it anymore. I''ve forgiven you."


    I covered my eyes with my palms as I continued to sob. I should also feel ashamed for showing how crybaby I was, but right now I didn''t care about anything like I was a person who had no shame other than pain.


    After feeling more relaxed, I immediately stood up. Wiping my eyes and said with a bitter smile, "Take care of yourself while you are there, okay? Don''t do any more dirty work. You''re still young and have a bright future."


    As soon as Sunyeon heard those words, he immediately hugged me tightly. "Brother Lee, I won''t do that kind of work again. I promise!" Looking up at me, he said jokingly but the words had a deeper meaning, "But if you need a prostitute, feel free to contact me. I only serve you, not anyone else."


    "Heh, you idiot," I said, patting his head, "I got to go now."


    Sunyeon let go of his hands. Before I could take a step, Sunyeon stopped me by saying, "Brother Lee, will you take me to the airport?"


    I was stunned for a moment before replying, "I can''t."


    Sunyeon''s eyes started to tear up. "So this is our last meeting?"


    "Yes," I answered lightly.


    After saying that, Sunyeon didn''t give any more response. So, with quick steps, I turned around and left this place immediately.


    Sunyeon called my name a few times, but I ignored him and continued walked towards the car parked in front of his apartment, then immediately got in to cover the embarrassment on my face.


    He had seen that weakness in me, and it was embarrassing to stay with him any longer in that place.


    It was so embarrassing.


    Kept staring out the window blankly, I didn''t say anything. Hoonsik also refused to comment and continued to drive his car through the darkness very carefully. Until, after a long time, we arrived at my apartment.


    I came in in a mess. Sitting on the bed, looking at the place where Chunghee once laid down, I spoke with a smile that showed painful pain, "Chunghee, I''m in so much pain. Everyone has left me. You promised me that you wouldn''t leave me, but why did you do that? I explained everything, I also confessed everything, but why don''t you have a little pity in your heart? I know you very well. You are a good man, but ... but ...."


    The pain that suddenly tore through my heart made me stop talking and only the tears told me that I could no longer endure the pain that was getting heavier as my pulse was beating fast. It seemed to increase again and again in every shift of time.


    I bent down, kissed his pillow and stroked him as I had done when Chunghee was with me, and said weakly, "You don''t even want to see me anymore. You want me to disappear. That''s so cruel."


    "Let me ask you something. Do you really feel better with that?"


    I smiled blankly. "I didn''t really understand what you were saying at the time. Maybe it was because I was too shocked. But, if that''s what you want, then I''ll do that."


    I laughed like a fool in this dimly lit room. Laughing at myself, and letting the bitterness tear me apart to the deepest point.


    In the midst of grief, I remembered something. I immediately stood up, took my medicine on the table, then took Chunghee''s medicine from the cupboard, and then went to my workroom.


    I sat down at the computer, placed the medicines next to the keyboard, then pulled my phone out of my pocket.


    I started calling someone.


    "What? You still have the balls to call me after what you did at the press conference?" The voice sounded calm but had a fairly strong tone of intimidation.


    "Yunhee, I''m sorry. I can''t do it. I owe it to that family."


    "Tch! This is our chance to take them down. But you messed things up."


    I massaged the bridge of my nose, replying desperately, "I can''t. After all, Kim and his father have helped me. I can''t possibly forget that."


    "Heh, disgusting. Someone like you still has a conscience too."


    I couldn''t help but smile when I heard him mock me.


    "If that''s all you want to say, I''ll hang up."


    Before Yunhee hung up the phone, I hurriedly said, "I have something better. You''ve also helped me a lot. So, I have a present for you. I''m sure, you will like it."


    "What is that?" his voice was calmer.


    "Hoonsik will give you tomorrow, so call him tomorrow."


    "Heh, I hope it will really surprise me."


    I smiled.


    He was heard sighing heavily before saying, "Um, by the way, it''s about Sunyeon ... you know, he''s going to move to a different company in France. He whines at me and I have no choice."


    I stared at the lit monitor, then replied in a languid tone, "I know. I just saw him." Sighing, I continued, "Chunghee doesn''t want to come back to me and Sunyeon left me. Love is bullshit, isn''t it?"


    Yunhee immediately laughed as if he thought those words were ridiculous. He said sarcastically, "You made it that way, you idiot!" Paused for a moment, he said, "Never mind, I''m busy. I don''t have time to hear such things from you."


    Finishing his words, he hung up the phone.


    I smiled bitterly as I opened some files on the computer, then clicked a folder called "Application Letter - 2004". There were many files and all of them reminded me of the bitter things that happened that year.


    Name: Park Chunghee.


    Age: 22 years old.


    With other files, and it was mine.


    Name: Lee Donghwa.


    Age: 22 years old.


    This was our first application letter. It was a tough day that day; walking only to find work in the hot summer. Enduring thirst, starving hunger, and a little money, all of which we passed with a smile of joy without a single complaint.


    There was both happiness and pain that came at the same time as the memory flashed through my mind. And, as I didn''t want to sink too deep into those past memories, I turned off the computer immediately, still with a bitter smile on my face.


    Tears welled up and I screamed as loud as I could.


    This feeling of hopelessness was really driving me crazy. Banging my head on the corner of the table, I wished that all those memories would be destroyed right now ¡ª no matter if I had to crush my head.


    However, as soon as I saw a paper on the table, made my madness slowly subside. I reached for it, staring at it for a moment before I reached for a pen.


    All this time, I kept my feelings to myself. Since I didn''t know who to say it to. Surprisingly, I took the initiative to write a letter, hoping Chunghee would read it.


    I had written a letter in a long time. As soon as I put it word by word in my writing, I felt nostalgic in our past story when I met Chunghee for the first time.


    Chunghee, how are you?


    ***

 Chapter 155 - A Yeong Asked Something All Of A Sudden!

    Sokcho, 5:00 pm.


    Since that day; the day when frustration and doubtful formed into an emotion that hurt both of us, I felt like my heart didn''t feel any happiness that I wished, and even became numb. No smile and only gloom, it was the worst of the worst to date.


    Am I going to end up like this?


    Hearing that question coming from a different side, I forced a smile at all the heavy things that had happened.


    I had expected it from the moment I made this decision.


    While laying helplessly on the bed, I closed my eyes. In my head, that question had a definite answer. I just dodged a truth that I didn''t want to admit for a long time. Deceiving myself with an ending I wanted, making me endure and allowing myself to sink into this pain stupidly even though I knew it hurt.


    I wanted to laugh ¡ª laughing at everything that had happened and at myself ¡ª maybe it would teach me a little lesson about how bad and stupid the choice I made was.


    However, I could no longer do that. I was too weak to waste my energy to laugh at everything again. With a little strength left, I better kept it to the end.


    Coming back from this thought, I slowly opened my eyes, turned weakly at A Yeong, watching her pick up the phone multiple times with a serious expression. Each time she talked, she paced back and forth on the other side of the bed with a clear worry on her face.


    A Yeong was a beautiful woman. He was only twenty-five years old this year. However, now that she looked anxious that the beauty on her face faded slightly. Daehyun was very cruel to give her a big responsibility at this age and I knew that now he scolded her on the phone.


    I was stunned. Four days had passed after Daehyun left the town to sign a land contract. Before leaving, he asked A Yeong to accompany me until he came back the day after he left and that was already very embarrassing.


    I wasn''t someone who could get close to a woman easily. Being in the same place always made me feel awkward and weird at the same time. I was just trying to hide that stiffness when talking to any woman.


    This wasn''t the first time. Daehyun had even told A Yeong several times to come to this town lately, taking a long time trip, just for something that wasn''t necessary.


    On behalf of a company president, he was too arrogant for a matter of his own volition.


    However, suddenly A Yeong walked towards me in a hurry while holding out his cell phone, "Mr. Park, Mr. Kim wants to talk to you."


    I stared at the phone for a moment before reluctantly picking it up. I lowered my gaze slightly while gripped the blanket tightly, and spoke, "Daehyun, I told you I''m fine. My fever has gone down and I''m feeling better now. Stop worrying about me. Do your job properly and come back soon."


    Silence took a few seconds between our conversation, Daehyun then spoke with a cold tone in his voice that sounded tired, "How can that be? I couldn''t help but worry about you. Maybe you''re tired of hearing that but I''ll still ask, have you eaten?"


    "..."


    "Chunghee, please answer. It''s very important to me to hear your answer."


    At first, I was reluctant to give an answer, but silence would only make Daehyun stress the question over and over again. So, I answered, "Yeah, just now. A Yeong is a good girl. He always cooks for me when you''re not here. You should give her a bigger bonus."


    Smiling weakly, I glanced at A Yeong who looked excited when she heard those words. She was indeed a woman who was full of enthusiasm and cheerful besides being diligent in her work.


    Meanwhile, Daehyun was heard chuckling softly on the phone. "Really? Then I''ll do that though." Daehyun spoke in a tone that was quite familiar. It confirmed that his assistant and he had established a fairly close working relationship.


    "Um, I''m in Sokcho now. You know, there seems to be a festival being held near the beach. If only you ... um ... no ... no ... bad idea. bad idea ...." Daehyun lowered his voice at the last sentence. Not wanting to continue, he immediately changed the subject, "Do you want me to buy you something?"


    "No."


    "What if I¡ª"


    "Daehyun, there''s no need." Taking a deep breath, I confirmed, "That''s enough. If you want to talk about many things, wait until you get here, okay?"


    After saying that, Daehyun was silent before finally the phone line was completely cut off. Then, with worry hiding behind a weak smile on my face, I returned the phone to A Yeong before closing my eyes again, imagining the black clouds that I often imagined.


    Daehyun didn''t give any response until the end. He simply hung up without saying "go rest" as usual.


    Is he angry? Or ... did those words hurt his feelings?


    It''s really bothering me right now.


    Suddenly A Yeong broke the silence with a tone of excitement, "Mr. Park, you are indeed a good person. If you tell Mr. Kim about the bonus addition next time, he will definitely never give a refusal. Next time, I will ask you to do that, haha."


    Hearing that, I opened my eyes again, turned to her weakly, and smiled with a furrowed brow, confused. "What do you mean? Doesn''t he often give you bonuses? You said that before."


    "Ah, I know. But, Mr. Kim is a very considerate person. He also often gives hurtful advice. But if you say so, Mr. Kim definitely doesn''t need to think about it any longer and immediately approve it." A Yeong spoke while trying not to laugh any louder.


    "But, considering it a good thing, I think."


    A Yeong pretended to pout after I finished my sentence. I smiled and tried to comfort her a little, "Hah, if he only gave you a little bonus, you could have told me."


    Her round eyes immediately lit up, and a wide smile slowly tugged at the corners of her lips, so that her face began to blush like an apple.


    I chuckled softly. "Daehyun is a nice person, I think. He also makes jokes sometimes. Don''t be fooled by his cold face. You already know that too, don''t you? Only, you can see how his father is, he''s just like him."


    Hearing those words, A Yeong couldn''t help but laugh at my words. She said, "Yeah, yeah ... but, if you say that in front of the employees, I''m sure that they''ll think you''re making a joke."


    "Especially in the marketing department. If they hear that, they''ll think it''s the impossible thing they hoped for. I sometimes feel sorry for them. They''re always the butt of Mr. Kim''s ramblings when ...."


    A Yeong suddenly stopped and didn''t continue her words, then blurted out at once.


    "But wait!" A Yeong''s expression turned serious. He sat on the side of the bed, shifted her body closer, then said carefully, "Sir, I''m sorry but I can''t help it any longer from asking this ...."


    Unknowingly, my brows furrowed. I stared at A Yeong with curiosity growing in my eyes.


    "Sir, actually, what is your relationship with Mr. Kim?"


    Hearing that question, instantly my curiosity turned into a shock that stung my heart. My eyes widened and the panic made me feel like I lost my mind for a moment and became tense. Fortunately, I immediately realized and found an answer as a way out of the surprising question.


    "Ah, that''s ... we''ve known each other for a long time. I could say ... our relationship, is like brothers ... yeah brothers ...."


    "Ah ...." A Yeong nodded in understanding, "I see. So that''s why Mr. Kim really cares about you. That''s good though. Mr. Kim seems to love you like his little brother."


    I averted my eyes; pretending to look out the window to hide the embarrassing expression on my face, which could reveal an obvious lie.


    A Yeong''s words might be the truth. However, there was something more precise, and it was more than what he thought. It was a cover-up and no one should know about it. Since the stupid Daehyun couldn''t hide his feelings from anyone else, I was the one who had to do it. It would keep his career in the future.


    A Yeong took a deep breath. Then, as soon as he spoke again, he complimented him jokingly, "Mr. Kim is rich and has everything. He can buy everything whatever he wants. Moreover, he seems to really love his family either. One day, I want to get a boyfriend like him in the future and live happily. That must be fun ... or also annoying. But, I''m sure, my life will be guaranteed to seven generations! Haha."


    I was a little solaced by A Yeong''s words but chose not to respond. Talking a lot only made my energy decrease little by little.

 Chapter 156 - Useless Request

    Actually, I didn''t want to talk too much with this woman. But, because A Yeong was a person who liked to talk a lot, so she kept saying many things that I couldn''t help but be quiet about other than being a good listener to him.


    "Heh, but after all, Mr. Kim must have his own problems. Especially these days, he always looks exhausted and doesn''t get enough sleep. I even often find him sleeping on his desk with a pile of files. He must be very busy lately, I think."


    "Plus, his relationship with his father hasn''t been good the past few months. And it''s gotten even worse after the conference four days ago. It must have been a lot of stress for him"


    "Hah?" I frowned in confusion.


    Hearing about this immediately made me wonder and wonder about what happened at the press conference.


    However, let alone to ask, I was barely even speechless now.


    Until A Yeong asked, "Mr. Park, what''s the matter?"


    I stared at A Yeong for a few seconds before asking haltingly, "W-why? W-what happened?"


    A Yeong''s bright eyes turn dark. She looked at me with a complicated expression before speaking, "Hmm, Mr. Kim refused a lot of contracts with huge investors, it made his father get angry so Mr. Kim said that he would return to France. Then ...."


    A Yeong searched for something on her cell phone and immediately showed an image to me once she found it, where it was an image of Donghwa who was standing in front of a lot of reporters, with a line of sentences under the image that said something that made me more surprised.


    "The president of the company GIM (Glory In-Media) Agency, Lee Donghwa, admitted his relationship with his former male assistant."


    A Yeong swiped the screen again and showed almost the same image but with different typing.


    "Lee Donghwa, the young president of GIM Agency, is ''gay''."


    Of course, it was a statement at a press conference. I froze in shock, then slowly went limp as if powerless to move. After our last meeting a few weeks ago, I had high hopes for him to have a better life and find someone better for the future.


    However, that hope was like writing that was erased by the tides in the afternoon at any time. Donghwa would never understand by destroying himself, his dreams, his efforts, and they also destroyed my hopes all at once.


    Those years of struggle were nothing but futility, ruined by his deliberate carelessness.


    In the midst of the panic, I tried my best to look as calm as possible. Then, to convince me that the news was true, I asked with a hope that would make me fall even harder, "Donghwa ... declare such a thing?"


    A Yeong frowned and nodded slowly. "Yes, sir. Both Mr. Kim and I were present at the place. I also didn''t believe that Mr. Lee would confirm the rumors. At first, I thought, those rumors were only created by people who wanted to bring down Mr. Lee but ¡­ hmm, even Mr. Kim was speechless ¡­."


    "...."


    I froze for a moment, staring at A Yeong without even blinking.


    "Mr. Park, what''s the matter?" A Yeong asked worriedly.


    Like someone who had lost his soul, I shook my head weakly with a smile so hard to carve that it ended badly.


    I took a silent breath; trying to maintain my composure. At first, I was going to ask about the bad relationship between Daehyun and his father, but Daehyun''s words some time ago regarding the rumors and his family''s involvement immediately resonated and made me understand immediately.


    That statement would certainly make Mr. Kim Myungdae get angry. After all, Mr. Kim Myungdae had been trying hard to cover it up for three years and was crushed in a day.


    But, what about Daehyun? As far as I knew, Daehyun had a pretty good relationship with his father, both in the family and in business. So, what''s with the ''bad relationship'' between father and son now?


    There were many questions that arose and there were many things that made me worry and fear. Donghwa''s future; Daehyun as well as his father; all of them instinctively circled my head at once, like a boulder had hit it over and over again at once.


    "Mr. Park, are you all right?" A Yeong asked again worriedly.


    I could hear her voice clearly, but I couldn''t say a word. My lips only parted slightly and quivered, trying to reassure A Yeong that I was fine but failed, then shut again without saying anything.


    Slowly the tears in the corners of my eyes fell as my body felt weaker. I was about to get up, but I couldn''t move a finger to move my body.


    My misty eyes stared blankly at A Yeong who started to panic because I didn''t respond like someone who was about to die.


    "Mr. Park, Mr. Park! Are you all right?! Please, wake up!"


    I could hear her say my name twice before finally losing consciousness completely.


    When I woke up, it was night. After my gaze returned to clear, I turned my face to the side and saw a bowl of hot porridge already on the bedside table. I then slowly got up and leaned my back, swept my gaze in all directions but found no one.


    Suddenly the door was pushed open and Daehyun walked in with elegant steps, still wearing a slightly messy suit. His face was pale as if he had been through a lot of hardship, then smiled and stepped quickly towards me. He held my hand and the worry was evident in his voice as he spoke, "Chunghee, I told you not to push yourself too hard. Why don''t you ever listen to me?"


    I stared at him for a moment. As he was about to speak, the wound on the corner of his lips took me by surprise. I touched his face gently while asking, "Daehyun what happened?"


    "Nothing. What''s wrong?" His eyes only showed concern even though he asked like someone in confusion.


    "What happened all this time?" I asked.


    Daehyun frowned in confusion. The faint frown on his forehead began to appear more obvious. "What do you mean?"


    I lowered my gaze, gripping the blanket tightly, daring to ask the thing I wanted to know, "Are you hiding something from me?"


    His face that lost its color looked even more confused when he heard the question. He gripped my hands tighter, raised his eyebrows, and said, "Chunghee, I don''t get you. What do you mean exactly?"


    Honestly, there were a lot of things I wanted to ask. However, it was too much to say it one by one, so that it made me confused and questioning things that weren''t clear.


    I looked into his eyes, hoping that Daehyun would be able to read the worry in my eyes and quickly come up with an explanation. However, seeing his face that looked different with a lot of worries, made me speechless.


    "Chunghee, what''s wrong?"


    I smiled weakly and shook my head slowly, pressing the thing I wanted to know in my throat. "A Yeong ... is she leaving already?"


    Daehyun''s face showed suspicion. However, with a deep sigh, he chose to ignore his current thoughts. He then took the porridge on the bedside table, and took a spoonful of porridge, blew on it, and was about to feed me before replying, "She has an important work to do, so I told her to return and finish the work as soon as possible."


    Daehyun thrust the porridge right in front of my mouth, but I immediately turned to the side refusing to eat it.


    "Chunghee, we will depart in three days. You must take care of yourself. So, now, please eat."


    I slowly turned to him, staring at him weakly. Then, I said hesitantly, "Daehyun, just cancel the scheduled."


    Daehyun was silent. His face showed a surprised expression. He put the bowl of porridge back on the bedside table and asked, "What''s wrong? Why did you ask that all of a sudden?"


    "I don''t think I can afford to do the trip." Taking a deep breath, I said, "Daehyun, I''m already too weak. If I need treatment, I can just do it here. At Busan Hospital, which we went to, I can do it there. But ...."


    "Chunghee, why are you so fickle," Daehyun cut in before I could finish my speech, "You said that you agreed. I''m sure you can. Just be strong because now, the situation is different."


    "But you said I shouldn''t push myself."


    Daehyun didn''t respond immediately. However, by the look on his face, it could be seen that he was so devastated by those words that he finally replied, "I told you the situation is different. Now, I want you to push yourself to this."


    I froze instantly.


    Actually, from the start, I knew that asking him for this was a waste of time. So, in desperation, I slowly laid down with my back to Daehyun.


    We didn''t talk to each other for a long time until finally, Daehyun asked, "Chunghee, tell me, what''s wrong? Did A Yeong tell you something?"

 Chapter 157 - Prejudicing

    I paused, refusing to answer.


    So, because he didn''t get an answer, finally Daehyun asked again with a bit of necessity but still in a gentle tone, "Chunghee, now tell me what exactly A Yeong told you earlier? If you didn''t tell me, then I''ll call A Yeong right now and make her talk."


    I looked away, unfazed by the threat, and said in a low voice that almost whispered, "How could you threaten me like that."


    Nevertheless, the slightest sound in this silent room would also be heard. So, as soon as I finished my words, he immediately replied evasively, "This isn''t a threat, you know. I''ll really call A Yeong if you don''t want to tell me the truth." Paused, he continued, "Chunghee, now, please answer, did she say something?"


    Not wanting to be pushed around so much, I finally spoke indifferently, "Nothing. I''m going to bed first."


    Daehyun was silent for a while before he finally took out his cell phone from his pocket. As soon as I heard the sound of his cell phone button, I hastily reached out to prevent him from contacting A Yeong.


    Staring at him intently, I mustered up my courage once again and spoke carefully, "I saw it ... the news ... at the conference. A Yeong showed it to me."


    Daehyun froze for a moment with his face slowly darkening. He put his cell phone on the table near the bowl of porridge, then smiled but it didn''t reach his eyes.


    "Why? Are you worried about him? Is that why you want to cancel our scheduled departure?" Daehyun asked very calmly. But even so, the tone of his dislike was still quite clear.


    For some reason, the question sounded so painful, like a knife he had ruthlessly stabbed right into my heart. It didn''t kill me, but the feeling wouldn''t go away for a hundred years.


    However, he didn''t stop there. He even said something even crueler. Maybe for him, it was normal, but for me, it was very unsettling.


    "Stop thinking about him. He''ll ... be okay. He left you once, didn''t he? Was he hurt when he left you? No. So, now, try to ignore him. Hopefully, with us leaving later, it can allow you to slowly forget about him."


    Daehyun was heard so confident with his words. But, for me, his words sounded like he was pressuring me. I felt that Daehyun''s attitude was getting more and more possessive towards me. It worried me if I was there with him, he wouldn''t be much different from how Donghwa treated me where he always locked me up at home, being possessive, overprotective, or maybe worse than him?


    Even though what he said was almost true that I was worried about Donghwa, I still tried not to care. Until he asked again to make sure, "So you''re really worried about him, huh?"


    Since that wasn''t what I wanted to talk about, I chose not to bring it up which would only prolong the problem.


    Daehyun was silent, waiting for me to explain. While I was with this feeling, I could only justify it in my heart without a word.


    Actually, I wanted to dodge, but I knew that Daehyun already knew the truth just by looking at the look on my face right now.


    Finally, he stood up and began to take off the clothes he was wearing while walking towards the front of the wardrobe.


    However, unexpectedly, I spontaneously opened my mouth with a voice almost shouting, "Daehyun, why did you let him do such a stupid thing?"


    "He got insane. I''ve warned him many times, but he still reveals his madness." Unbuttoning his shirt, he spoke nonchalantly, "So, I let him do what he wants."


    Hearing his indifferent response, I almost shouted once more, "But, what about your father?"


    From behind, I could see his back starting to stiffen. He paused for a moment, then putting on the towel without saying anything.


    After that, he turned around with a complicated expression that was difficult to describe in words, as if there were a lot of mixed feelings on his cold and mysterious face.


    Slowly, he walked towards me and sat down beside me. He gently stroked my head and spoke affectionately, "Chunghee, look, I know you''re worried. But, you don''t need to think about things that have nothing to do with you. I''ve taken care of everything and it will be okay. Trust me, I can handle it, okay? I told you his business would be okay. I promise you."


    Hearing his earnest words, I looked at him as if placing all that trust in him.


    "You ... don''t you hate him?"


    "Tch, stupid." His gaze turned sharp. He then stood up and walked to the window, saying, "You can still ask such a thing? Do you think if I look calm at hearing you keep worrying about him makes me happy? Haven''t I told you many times that I hate him? Do you want to hear it one more time? Would you like to hear when I say that I hate him so much?"


    Then, he turned around, looking at me with a ferocious expression. Folding his arms across his chest, he continued to speak, "Yes, I hate him. But, I can''t hate him in the business affair and it really bothers me. I hate that human side of me. I should be happy when he suffers and his career is ruined, but I can''t rejoice. I really hate that good side of me."


    Daehyun was calm, but suppressed anger made everything he said sound cruel.


    He looked different today. I could feel a strong and terrifying atmosphere radiating in his piercing eyes.


    The atmosphere in the room was cold, but it couldn''t compare to the mood of the person standing in front of me, who was staring at me expressionlessly with a ball of ice in his sharp eyes, piercing like spears. It was more freezing than the cold air that blew in this room, even for winter.


    In this silence, I mustered up the courage, then asked again in a small but clear voice, "Daehyun, can you guarantee that Donghwa will be fine?"


    No matter how convincing Daehyun''s words were, I couldn''t help but worry about Donghwa because by what I knew, Donghwa wasn''t someone who admitted his mistakes easily. But, as soon as I saw the news, I felt that there was something weird about him.


    It made me prejudice.


    When Daehyun heard that question, his face became complicated. He leaned lazily on the frame, looked away, and stared out the window with the same expression. He then replied nonchalantly, "He ... he''ll be okay."


    I wondered why Daehyun had such a hard time saying "he''ll be okay" as if there was something he was hiding and didn''t want me to find out.


    I didn''t want to be prejudiced, but I couldn''t help but do it. All I could do now was minimize it so that I didn''t show any suspicion to him even though I kept wondering inside.


    I could only be silent, staring at Daehyun without being able to move an inch. I froze after hearing the answer, but with sadness and the words made the sadness would never end.


    I knew his feelings for sure. Even though I couldn''t see the feeling and couldn''t touch it, my heart was so sensitive to be able to feel it quite clearly, that the displeasure engendered a hatred he couldn''t express, and that it was more than just saying "I hate him so much", but business required him to suppress all that even if it would drive him crazy.

 Chapter 158 - He Was In Pain, His Heart Is Aching

    He was tired, more tired than the previous days, but it wasn''t because of physical tiredness from a tiring job, but rather it was a complex thought that was piling up in his head. All the pressure of thought was visible on his discolored face, but he was good at covering it up with an infinite calm; covered his face with a domineering cold expression, so that no one would feel sorry for him.


    In this room, there was only silence and dim light and the two of us still had not spoken to each other. However, even so, silence had revealed the feelings of each other, but they couldn''t all be together. My sadness and hatred were contradictory things and would never fuse even if they were directed at the same person.


    I didn''t dare to say anything this time, it would only make his mood which had already worsened get worse, until his cell phone that rang like a storm that had come melted the atmosphere in the middle of the calm sea where we were both drifting.


    Daehyun stared at his phone for a moment with a frown before answering the call while leaving the room to talk.


    When Daehyun came out to pick up the phone, I slowly got up and leaned back weakly on the bed while staring blankly at the bedroom wall. I recalled the news that A Yeong had shown recently and dug up all the buried things, then reconnected them like a tangled thread.


    I knew that Donghwa always did things beyond his senses. However, although I knew it clearly and thought about it all the time, I still left him like someone who didn''t care even though I knew it would hurt my feelings.


    So, is this my fault? Even with the mental pressure because of a painful lie he once committed to me, is this still my fault?


    It was very difficult for me. Kept holding on to the lie; kept persisting with his attitude that seemed not to like me; everything required a strong heart and I had been strong enough to go that far.


    I used to always say ''it''s fine'' and forgive him, smiled even though it hurt, and kept waiting without knowing when he would come back. However, I couldn''t always do something like that. The more I said ''it''s fine'', the more the pain ripped through my heart.


    How can I survive this situation?


    Although a month he had shown his seriousness to change himself, it was only temporary, like a blink of an eye. Because his uncontrollable anger made him forget that I loved him, he always acted rudely where he thought that by doing so, I would be deterred from mistakes I never even made.


    I barely even remembered what mistakes I had ever done other than the pain so I chose to leave him.


    However, even though I knew I was hurt so much, now I could still worry about Donghwa. Even after I decided to break up with him, I felt that it was wrong, but I just didn''t want to admit it.


    When Donghwa came after looking for me for so long and asking me to go home and start over with his sweet reassuring words, is this still my fault?


    But, even if I persisted and never left him or returned to him, would Donghwa admit his mistake, regret it, and cry over everything like that time?


    If this day never existed, then it would still cover everything. I knew him quite well and how he behaved all this time. Even if he changed, he would never admit his mistake to the end. He would forget about it as if nothing had happened.


    Our ten years of relationship and this past one were the worst. Summers were hotter and winters were more freezing. There wasn''t the same warmth as in previous years for this relationship.


    A few minutes later, Daehyun opened the door and entered. There was excessive anxiety on his pale and tired face. He looked at me while gripping his phone so tightly that it showed the blue veins in his trembling hand.


    Seeing him put on such an expression, I immediately knew that the conversation he had on the phone was about something bad. I asked in a weak voice, "Daehyun, what''s wrong?"


    He forced a gentle smile on his face, and walked towards me like someone in confusion. Bending down a little, he touched my face, and answer hesitantly, "Nothing, nothing, go rest ...."


    At first, he was about to kiss my forehead, but for some reason, he stopped and left a bitter smile on his face, which looked complicated. He stood up straight and walked to the bathroom.


    My eyes followed the direction of his footsteps until his back disappeared behind the door, then stunned.


    I took a deep breath. There was a worry that made me uneasy, and it almost became a suspicion that almost drove me crazy. Fortunately, consciousness still dominated, so I could control my current feelings.


    Not wanting to dissolve in this thought, I laid down, closed my eyes, forced myself to sleep, and muffled the worries that I didn''t understand at all what I was worried about right now.


    However, no matter how hard I tried to close my eyes and how determined I wasn''t to think about it, was just in vain.


    I had been tossing and turning a few times so restlessly, but I was still having a hard time falling asleep.


    The faint sound of running water came from behind the bathroom door. While Daehyun was still inside, the cell phone that he had placed on the table rang again.


    The ringing seemed endless. It seemed, someone was constantly contacting him because of something urgent. It was so distracting and finally made me open my eyes, staring at his cell phone that was ringing.


    At first, I didn''t intend to take the cell phone, but a strong curiosity made my hand move by itself to reach for the cell phone that kept ringing non-stop on the bedside table.


    Looking at the phone screen, it showed an unknown ID that kept calling again and again. It continued until the call totaled a dozen calls on the screen.


    I frowned unconsciously. For the next call, with doubt suppressed with curiosity, I gulped hard, then tapped the green button on the phone screen.


    On the other line came a familiar deep voice, speaking with desperation but suppressed anger in his tone, "President Kim! Wait! Please ... please don''t hang up this time."


    "...."


    "Tomorrow his body will be cremated. At least, if you still have a conscience, pass the news to Chunghee ...."


    Hah, me ...?


    My brows furrowed and I suddenly got up. When the familiar voice called my name, I shivered through my bones and my heart was racing. This growing anxiety almost made me scream, but I immediately covered my mouth with my hand and pressed it hard.


    "He was in pain all this time; his heart was aching, and you''ve been making it difficult for him all this time. But now, that he''s dead out of depression, are you still willing to give him trouble to the end? You didn''t let him meet Chunghee while he was dying in the hospital until the day he died, but at least you should tell Chunghee this news, please."


    "I know this will sound ridiculous, but let him have some of that happiness before his cremation day; let them meet one last time. And, as his best friend, I am Bae Yunhee, pleading on his behalf."


    "President Kim, let Lee have that little bit of happiness ...."


    When Yunhee repeated those words once more, there was a clear sadness stuck in his throat, made his voice tremble to get hoarse.

 Chapter 159 - Was This True?

    I froze in silence with my eyes widened open while continuing to listen to Yunhee talking on the phone.


    "Today is the day of his death, please show a little mercy. You know, although he hated you during his lifetime, his soul was purified by death now. You should respect that, President Kim."


    What?


    Donghwa ....


    Donghwa ....


    Donghwa''s death?


    Is he really dead?


    Is this true?


    When I heard the words "the day of his death", my head was suddenly filled with many thoughts. I tried to think straight, but the more I tried to think about this with common sense, the more this thought made me dazed.


    I knew Yunhee though not very well. He was a close friend of Donghwa for a long time and he was an indifferent person.


    However, hearing the sadness he was pressing against his neck, it was already confirmed that he was really serious about this startling news.


    No matter how indifferent he was, as a close friend who had been through many things in the business world, Yunhee would still grieve. That wasn''t making it up.


    "President Kim, please think about it carefully. If you don''t want to tell Chunghee, then let me do it. I''ll go at your place tonight if you agree, and say this news directly to Chunghee ...."


    "...."


    "President Kim, do you hear me? Please, speak up. I need your approval, you bastard."


    "...."


    Hearing the startling news, my body instantly stiffened. My chest suddenly became tight, like something sharp caught in my throat. I had trouble breathing and gripped the white blanket that covered part of my body tightly while biting my lip until blood trickled down the corner of my lips without me noticing. It was just to keep me from making the slightest noise, so I injured myself.


    My eyes began to mist and become wet with tears, filled with disbelief, sadness, guilt, and despair. I felt my whole heart shattered into pieces until an excruciating pain exploded in my chest as if a knife stabbed right at the wound point of my heart, pierced through my shoulder blade, pulled out, and re-pricked in the same place over and over again without stopping.


    I wanted to scream but my lips were locked by a sob.


    I wanted to tell Yunhee ¡ª scolding him ¡ª that never joke about this, but I couldn''t. I could only cry silently.


    When I decided to break up with him, half my soul was already dead by then. And now, as soon as I heard this news, I felt that my remaining soul at that time had also died.


    I just wanted to die tonight too!


    At the same time, Daehyun walked out of the bathroom wearing his pajama, while rubbing his wet hair.


    "Chunghee, are you ...." He paused and looked shocked.


    The smile on his face became gloomy. In fact, he immediately lost his calmness when he saw me sitting on the bed, crying with trembling hands, while stubbornly listening to Yunhee deliver the sad news.


    I kept staring at Daehyun without blinking as if there was some truth I was expecting from him.


    However, now, I was like someone who had lost both soul and hope within him. I felt the emptiness inside of me was instantly filled with extreme sadness and pain.


    Daehyun walked towards me in a hurry. At first glance, there was panic on his face before gradually turning to regret.


    He snatched the phone from my hand quite roughly, saw the caller ID just before turning it off, then threw the phone on the bed.


    Our eyes met at the saddest point. His clear black eyes became dark and gloomy, filled with grief.


    In this feeling of destruction, I wanted to say something, conveyed this disbelief to prove that everything was just a lie. However, when my bleeding and injured lips slowly parted, not a word came out other than a painful groan.


    I clenched my fists so tightly and thought that Donghwa was just playing with Daehyun to trick him with this news so he could take me home with him.


    I was certainly sure this was just a trick of the two of them.


    The two of them must have conspired in this!


    Donghwa was great at deceiving. He had many pitfalls. This must be a scam that he deliberately tricked Daehyun and me!


    However, when Yunhee''s words repeated in my mind, made me sink deeper into a bottomless sadness.


    I couldn''t help but cry loudly, clutched my chest that felt sore and tight, and buried my face into the white blanket, then let my tears roll down my face continuously.


    It was like a dream ... but it was too real to be called a fake ....


    Donghwa is not dead ....


    This must be a lie ....


    Donghwa can''t possibly die ....


    Donghwa ... Donghwa can''t ....


    I tried to convince myself that this was a lie once again, but somehow it made me cry even more.


    Suddenly, I felt a gentle touch on my arm. I lifted my face and saw Daehyun with sadness in his eyes looking at me sadly.


    "Chunghee ...."


    He reached out and wiped my tears and the blood on my injured lips. He then embraced me in his arms, so I could hear the sound of his heart beating erratically.


    My heart ached for a while and finally became unbearably angry.


    I mustered all my strength and pushed his body hard, continuously showing an angry and hateful look.


    The overflowing emotions couldn''t make me think straight. I looked straight at him, then yelled loudly, "You have no heart! You are heartless! You lied to me! You ... you ...."


    Before I could finish my words, I burst into tears again.


    "Chunghee, no ¡­ it''s not like that ¡­."


    The sadness in his eyes grew clearer. He then gripped my arms tightly, and said, "It''s not what you think ... let me explain ¡ª I can explain everything."


    I looked at him in disbelief, and spoke desperately, "Explain what? What do you want to explain? Do I look like I need it now?" With a pause, I gulped hard, then said once again with my lips quivering violently, "Why didn''t you tell me that all this time Donghwa was dying in the hospital? And now, he ...he ...."


    The sobs didn''t allow me to finish my sentence.


    I felt that of all the pain I had ever felt, now was the most painful.


    I am not strong enough for this ....


    I can''t take it ....


    It hurts so much, I just want to die to end this pain ....


    "No! No, it''s not like that. I never meant it that way." Daehyun started to show seriousness on his face which currently had a lot of emotions. He tried to explain, "Chunghee, I wanted to tell you that he''s in the hospital, but I don''t know how to say it. I''m afraid that if you find out, something will happen to you."


    I looked into his earnest eyes furiously and tried to find an answer that would make me smile at him, but there was nothing. The deeper his gaze, there was only endless darkness in it, which dragged me into this pain.


    However, even so, the surprise in his eyes made me understand a little.


    Daehyun couldn''t lie to himself. Even though he hated Donghwa, he still felt sorry in his heart.


    "And regarding the news of his death ... I also just found out about it earlier when I picked up the phone ... I''m sorry ...." He lowered his gaze slightly, showing a sorry expression.


    Finishing his sentence, he then hugged me tighter and tighter.


    With tears rolling down my face, I held my arm to keep from returning the hug. Then, with a lot of bitterness on my lips that I couldn''t express, I spoke with a lingering speck of hope, "Daehyun, please take me to Donghwa now. I want to see him one last time ... please, I beg of you. Let me see him."


    However, his act was something I never expected. He suddenly let go of his hands and stood up. Staggering back slightly, he spoke firmly, "No. I can''t do that. I can''t take you there."


    Even though his words sounded firm, there was a fear that he couldn''t hide as he said again, "Chunghee, this time, sorry, I''m sorry. I really can''t take you there."


    I was stunned for a moment. I thought that asking for this would just be a waste of time. Daehyun would definitely never agree to it even if I begged and cried. So, I decided not to beg him one more time.


    I wiped my tears that were flowing non-stop using the sleeves of my pajamas, then with great difficulty got up from the bed and was about to step over to pick up my coat hanging beside the door.


    Actually, I was having trouble walking, but to meet Donghwa to confirm this news, I forced myself to stand up.


    However, as I took two steps, Daehyun suddenly grabbed my waist, holding my body by hugging me from behind. He spoke in the same fearful tone, "No. Chunghee, don''t go. I beg you ... don''t go, please."

 Chapter 160 - Kim Daehyuns Excuses

    I was stunned for a moment as I kept hearing Daehyun say the same words over and over again. I wondered why he forbade me to go, but thinking that if I asked about it was a waste of time. I immediately shook my head and said hoarsely, "Daehyun, I don''t want to argue with you. If you don''t want to take me there, then never mind. I don''t want to force you either. After all, neither of us has anything to do with you. So, I''ll go alone."


    After my words, I could feel his hands tightening around my body. He confirmed, "You don''t understand. Chunghee, you don''t understand at all. It''s not that I don''t want to take you there, but I can''t take you there."


    With sadness suppressed in my heart, I tried to maintain my composure and impatience as I said, "Then, let me go now. I''ll go alone if you can''t do it. I won''t be mad at you. So, now, please, let me go."


    Waiting for a few seconds, he was like a living statue that entangled me so tightly and didn''t give me any response. It was like I couldn''t breathe.


    He didn''t move an inch or loosen his arms a bit. So, because it seemed like time was running out and I was pressured by circumstances, I couldn''t stay patient anymore.


    "Daehyun! Let me go!" I yelled.


    By yelling like that, Daehyun finally loosened his arms, then let go of me slowly.


    I turned around, and started to sneer, "Yunhee was right. You never let him meet me, and are you going to keep doing that, even if today is his ... mourning day?!"


    The tears that had begun to recede in my eyes, now rolling down my face again more and more, as this worry made me more confused than ever. I didn''t know if this was sadness or it was me who couldn''t be at peace with myself.


    However, what was clear now was that the news had hit me right in the heart with great force, causing excruciating pain all over my body, and there wasn''t even a part of my body that didn''t feel that agony.


    But, Daehyun surprised me even more. A cold expression instantly appeared in his two black eyes. He looked at me with deep seriousness and his gaze was as sharp as a knife.


    Daehyun was seen clenching his jaw tightly, then asked flatly, "Do you know why I can''t take you there?"


    In the pause of silence, his face slowly softened but still revealed an undisguised ferocity for a long time. Until finally, his sharp eyes gradually turned red and it seemed as if there was an endless sadness in them.


    Staring at that expression on his face, I kept yelling inwardly, ''Don''t say anything! Don''t show that face to me!'', but I couldn''t say it directly, and just kept my mouth close while sobbing.


    I didn''t know what he wanted to say? What kind of reason would he give? However, one thing was clear and it was seen in his eyes that his words would make me feel more guilty than having to argue with him.


    I knew that Daehyun was feeling pain in his heart and confusion in his mind, but I could no longer respond to his feelings right now. Even if he cried not with tears, there was no pity left in my heart for now.


    That''s cruel.


    I knew it more than anyone and knew the regrets would be more torturous than anything else.


    However, right now there was only one thing that filled my heart and mind that made me cry, which couldn''t make me think anything other than: ''Donghwa is gone for good, and I have to come back for one last meeting before I regret not seeing him one last time!''


    If I didn''t, it was like I stabbed myself right in the heart with both hands consciously, but I didn''t die and kept repeating over and over again with no end.


    I would carry the pain to death.


    I would curse myself with that!


    After all, we had been together for a long time; going through many difficult things together; and enjoying happiness together. So, there was no reason for me to be silent and not grieve. Plus, I couldn''t lie to myself that I still loved him more than anyone deep down even though I couldn''t be with him until the end. In fact, the world knew it quite well no matter how I avoided my own feelings. And now, the world seemed to be laughing at us both, that ''these two fools who still loved each other had to cry for each other in the end''.


    Although the truth of the news left me swayed in doubt, proving it directly was the only option. I wondered if this was real or if it was a lie that Yunhee conveyed.


    "Chunghee ...."


    Daehyun''s voice was hoarse, and it was like a sob pressed deep in his dry throat. "If I go there, I''m afraid, I won''t be able to see you again."


    With misty eyes, I looked at him in confusion without saying a word.


    "If my father finds out that I''m back in the city, he''ll drag me and lock me up, or even break my legs. During this time, I''ve always caused a lot of trouble with him, he won''t let me off the hook this time," he explained, "But, that''s not what made me fear. I''m that I won''t be able to see you again. That''s the thing that worries me the most."


    "What if that happens? Can you guarantee that you will be fine if you are alone? Can you guarantee that I will calm down? I hope you can understand what I mean. Why didn''t I let you go there, it was because I was afraid and worried about our situation."


    I was taken aback for a moment. My eyes widened without me noticing. I looked at him with a complicated feeling that I couldn''t explain.


    I shook my head as if what I had just heard was a joke. "What did you just say? ''Our''? You mean ''us''? You and me?"


    What does ''our'' mean here?

 Chapter 161 - He Insisted!

    Daehyun was silent. By his face, the worry was even more visible even in the gloom.


    It was the first time I saw Daehyun become that fragile after seeing too much of his strong obstinacy where it was as if no one in this world could break his resolve.


    However, I couldn''t feel pity, even for a little pity. I didn''t have that feeling at the moment. I lost something precious and gave it all to someone I thought that he didn''t deserve but in the end, even without him asking me for it, I gave that pity as if I had to give it to him.


    "Daehyun ...." I muttered softly. Gritting my teeth, I tried to stabilize my voice so as not to tremble, "There''s no ''you and me'' for now. But, there''s only ''me and him'' here." With a pause, I continued, "Daehyun, I''m sorry, I shouldn''t say this, but I don''t want to hear such words for a while ... I''m sorry."


    Even if I conveyed the words gently, I was sure that it would still sound painful to him.


    I looked at Daehyun with tears that kept rolling which made the fog thicker in my eyes. Seeing him with a dumbfounded expression upon hearing the words, which might sound cruel and unfair to him, I wanted to apologize and jump up to hug him but I couldn''t ¡­ I couldn''t do that. My body refused to do that. Now, I just wanted to run right away if only I could.


    I tried to understand Daehyun''s situation but still, I couldn''t. Even I carelessly said, "Do you want to blame me and want me to take responsibility for everything that happened to you? Aren''t you the only one who got yourself into trouble? I never asked you to do anything this far, did I? Tell me if I once asked you to accompany me here, so I will stay here for your sake."


    Daehyun didn''t respond. He just kept looking at me like he wanted to put all his love on me but he couldn''t.


    I finally reassured him, "Okay then. If you want me to take responsibility for something I never did, I will do that," I said again in despair, "You can punish me, lock me up, or treat me as your pet. You can do whatever you want. I won''t cancel our scheduled departure either, but that''s after I see him."


    There was disbelief flashing through his dark eyes. It was clear that he was unpleased with my words.


    "W-what? How can you say such a thing?" While saying this, Daehyun gritted his teeth. His stern face and hardened jaw seemed to be holding back something that was about to explode from within him at this very moment.


    However, even so, his words still sounded gentle for someone who was in a man''s rage.


    Right now, I couldn''t think straight, so I couldn''t tell the difference between tenderness, pain, and anger. I just said something without thinking about whether it would make him angry or what.


    I turned around and was about to leave without saying anything, but immediately Daehyun hugged me tighter and tighter. He said gently, "Chunghee, don''t go ... I beg you ...."


    "Let me go!"


    With yelling like that, Daehyun reluctantly loosened his embrace. And once I got the chance, I quickly walked away from him.


    When he saw me about to walk again, he said loudly and made me stop in surprise, "You said you would never come back to him and will always be with me! You promised me! Never forget that!"


    I was stunned for a moment as I clenched my fists so tightly. The anger in my chest arose in one big flame and moved through my head, then burned through my body. I immediately turned around and hit him hard in the face.


    I yelled, "How can you remember a promise like that in a such situation?! Do I look like I can do that now?! Even if I want to, I would have missed that opportunity long ago!" I wiped my tears, then said, "Heh, I''m going to leave now. Arguing with you will only take up my time."


    This is bad.


    Yelling like that was draining all my strength.


    Silence for a moment, suddenly a thought immediately made me stare at Daehyun who was also silent in front of me angrily. With a disdainful smile, I spoke, "I can even leave Donghwa right in front of his eyes. Then, why can''t I leave you? Who isn''t even my lover at all."


    "Heh, but, don''t worry. I made a promise to you and I mean it. I''ll get back to you after I get to Seoul."


    Daehyun suddenly froze in silence. His fierce face became lifeless as the ice melted on his forehead. Then, touching his face that left a hard slap mark that looked bluish bruised and slightly swollen, he grinned coldly. He said, "So this is your answer huh ...."


    "...."


    "You know, out of all the insults you said, that was the only thing that hurt me the most." Daehyun smiled, but the smile only showed the bitterness of his sentence as he said, "Actually, if you just said ''you don''t understand'', it wouldn''t be because you don''t really understand anything, but you just refuse to understand. I think you know it better than me, don''t you?"


    "Chunghee, I know that I mean nothing to you and always force everything. I know. But, I never thought that you were a bad person, even with you pretending to love me all this time, it never crossed my mind to leave you. Just so you know, with just you being with me and giving that little chance, I''m already too happy."


    "... And, for what I''ve done so far, can you give me a little appreciation? Understanding my current situation, that''s more than enough for me, you know."


    "Heh, it sounds ridiculous, doesn''t it? Alright then." He giggled, then continued, "Chunghee, then tell me, if you say ''leave'' firmly in front of me right now, then I''ll be leaving right now. Come to think of it, why should I be with someone who doesn''t want to be with me, though?"

 Chapter 162 - Who Exactly Are You Crying Over?

    Hearing his unexpected words, my back suddenly felt cold and became heavy as if there was a sack of potatoes on my back that was about to knock me down to the ground.


    I couldn''t even move my stiffened body. Even to open my lips to speak, I couldn''t. My blood seemed to stop flowing to my heart until I didn''t feel a beating in my chest other than that there was only the emptiness filled with sorrow and shock.


    I thought I was dead now because I couldn''t move my own body.


    I never expected that Daehyun would say something that cornered me like that and it was like hitting a pain in my heart.


    Doesn''t he know how my situation is right now?


    He was an all-knowing man, but I never expected that he would use this way to urge me like this.


    Now, he was the only one who became cruel!


    Before I could think anything else, the sound of Daehyun''s footsteps slowly came closer. Then, not long after, Daehyun was right in front of me closer than before so I could see his sharp eyes as he stood with his tall shield-like body in the darkness. He lowered his head slightly so I could look closer at how he was looking at me with his cold eyes, even I could see how deep his unmeasurable depth eyes were.


    He said once again in a voice that was much colder than before, "Say it to me, say it ''leave now'', and I will leave you."


    I lifted my eyes, saw Daehyun''s face which was pale and lost its warmth. Staring at his black eyes that used to be full of warmth but now, I felt like seeing different eyes that depict a sea of ??ice. There was only oppression that seemed to crush my heart.


    I immediately turned away without responding. Staring at him any longer would just kill me on the spot.


    Without saying anything, I struggled to move my feet to walk away to get my coat hanging by the door, then returned to the bedside to get the card and also ¡­ the shiny thing that held many memories in it.


    I looked at the ring for a moment with a sad smile then put it in my pocket before I walked towards the door.


    Meanwhile, Daehyun remained standing in the same place, not moving or even preventing me from leaving while clenching his fists tightly. He might be trying to suppress feelings inside of him that could get out of control at any time.


    I glanced at him before I turned the doorknob, but had no intention of comforting him. It was ridiculous for a situation like this.


    It took me a long time to get downstairs. Because now I could barely feel my legs, making it difficult for me to walk, especially when I had to go downstairs.


    As soon as I opened the door, I was instantly taken aback and seemed to lose hope for a while as I saw the weather that seemed to have no pity.


    It''s snowing hard out here.


    It was February, the end of winter, but the snow seemed to bring the news that the winter in this year would never end.


    When the wind blew, the cold air instantly penetrated my coat until it pierced my bones, making me shiver a little. The weather was terrible today ¡ª even nature refused to bring us together.


    However, even though I was currently in a bad state, the strong desire inside of me made me ignore my own condition.


    The only thought that filled my head was coming to Seoul right now to see Donghwa one last time. Even if my legs were paralyzed, I still had both hands to drag my body although if I froze to death in the end.


    Taking a deep breath, I forced my legs to step forward through the dense snow. I walked shivering, but I tried hard to hold it in because I had to arrive in Seoul tonight. If I died midway, then it was fate.


    The whole town seemed to be covered in white like a frozen town where no one lived in. While I kept walking, step by step under the snow and wind, thinking, "A few more steps I might be dead."


    I was so cold. My heart was cold. I felt half of my body had frozen but with great stubbornness, I forced myself to keep going.


    Suddenly a black sports car stopped beside me.


    This car was familiar. I just glanced at it a little, then continued to walk indifferently. As soon as I walked a few steps, a big strong hand suddenly gripped my wrist so tightly that I flinched slightly, then immediately looked back.


    Daehyun stared coldly at me with a face that didn''t show a single emotion. He said, "You have a fever. Look at the weather. Don''t act stupid." His voice sounded unfamiliar, but it was still gentle.


    I desperately tried to free my hand, but it was in vain. He was too strong and not even one of his fingers moved an inch.


    I begged him desperately, "Daehyun, please, let me go. I promise you, I''ll be back soon after this. I won''t run away¡ª"


    Before finishing my sentence, the expression on his face made me freeze for a moment. A gentleness appeared on his face mysteriously and returned the warmth to his eyes like spring sparks.


    He took off his coat and quickly put it on my shoulders. He smiled gently, then hugged me affectionately. "Chunghee, are you afraid of me? Do I look that cruel?"


    Letting go of his embrace, he touched my face with the same gentle smile. "Did I scare you? I''m sorry, okay?"


    I thought the cold air had frozen me, but I soon realized that the awe of his charm and tenderness on his face surpassed the chill of winter and the warmth of spring.


    I shook my head weakly, then looked down, saying, "Daehyun, I have to go ...."


    "I''ll take you there."


    Hearing those words, I immediately lifted my face, looking at him in disbelief in my eyes.


    He explained, "The weather is terrible now. Flights have been closed. Buses won''t run. Do you intend to walk?"


    I was just silent, speechless.


    Daehyun suddenly pulled me to his car. He opened the car door, asking me to get in, "Get in now. It''s very cold out here."


    I hesitated to get in. However, after thinking for a second, I immediately got into the car followed by him.


    Within a few seconds, he immediately pressed the gas pedal and the car was speeding under the pouring snow.


    Along the way, there was only silence between us. Daehyun didn''t say a word yet, neither did I, who just kept counting the time while staring out the window.


    I was still dazed. I didn''t even know why I could be in this car with this person now.


    I turned to Daehyun, staring at him in disbelief.


    Unexpectedly, Daehyun reached out, then gripped my hand tightly. He said in a low voice but had no expression on his face, "Your hand is so cold. Are you cold?"


    I didn''t answer, just kept staring at him in a daze.


    He also didn''t say anything else and kept driving the car, holding my hand tightly.


    In the silence, there was an impatience that kept me on edge. I tried to keep pressing it and didn''t say anything, but I couldn''t. And, because I couldn''t stand it any longer, I threw away the reluctance inside me and spoke in a low voice, "Daehyun, can you speed up the car, please?"


    Without turning his head to me, Daehyun responded in a flat tone, "I can''t. My vision is limited because the snow is too thick. I know you want to get there soon, but I also have to think about our safety."


    Paused for a moment, he suddenly chuckled softly. "If I''m alone here, I don''t mind if I have to crash the car into the mountains or throw it in a ravine. I don''t mind if I get to die that way because someone just hurt me anyway."


    I quickly turned to him weakly.


    Those words made me realize how cruel the words I had said to him were.


    I was about to speak out to apologize, but Daehyun said first, "I actually want to kill myself right now, you know. But, because the person I love and who has hurt me at once is here with me, I feel that I should live any longer for him."


    Hearing those words, I immediately turned my face to the other side while covering my mouth with my other hand to keep my sobs from being heard by him.


    However, apparently, no matter how much I tried to hold back tears, Daehyun could still hear my groan.


    "Chunghee, who exactly are you crying over?" he asked, "Me or him?"


    Instead of answering, as soon as I heard the question, I burst into tears. I tried hard to hold back my voice but in vain.


    I didn''t know who I was crying over now. I just felt that everything that had happened since then until now made me feel great sadness and think that everything needed to be cried.

 Chapter 163 - Afraid To Face A Truth

    Finding me crying silently, Daehyun reached out and pulled me into his arms. While focusing on driving the car, he probably also intended to calm me down, but this kind of treatment made me sob even more.


    "My fault. I shouldn''t have said that. That''s enough, Chunghee. Now, don''t cry anymore, okay?" Daehyun said, trying to persuade me while stroking my arm to calm me down.


    However, no matter how persistently and gently he said his words to make me stop crying, it was all worthless.


    Hearing his words just now made me feel as if I had been slapped by his own hand hard.


    It was already very painful. Hearing the news of Donghwa''s death was enough to make me sick to death, but instead, he said all that as if he was deliberately hurting me more.


    How bad.


    Now, he was wooing me guiltily as if his words just weren''t meant to be. However, since sadness dominated my heart right now, I just kept blaming myself for what had happened.


    "Now, get some rest. I can''t drive any speedier than this. I don''t want to risk our safety now, so it will probably take four to five hours to get to Seoul. Hope that some routes don''t close tonight so that we can arrive four hours later," Daehyun explained.


    After finishing his words, I was stunned for a moment before wiping away my tears. I slowly let go of Daehyun''s arm, then leaned back against the seat while looking back out the window; staring at the snow with its white color falling under the dark skies of the tragic night. They were like stars shining from the reflection of the moon with their pale white color.


    If I thought about it, Daehyun''s words were the truth. There was no way for me to be stubborn. If I ended in the midway, it was all a waste because I wouldn''t see Donghwa for the last time.


    I turned to Daehyun who was still focused on the road silently and thought that even if I had to die right now, he had nothing to do with it. I must be patient and not allow him to do anything that could threaten his life.


    That''s the main thing.


    Almost an hour had passed. It was like taking a long time and we had not talked to each other for a long time. So, to fill the mood, I mustered up a lot of courage and suppressed my sadness to speak, "Daehyun, about what I said in the house earlier, I''m sorry. You shouldn''t have to do all this for me. Didn''t you say you were in trouble? This is nothing to do with you, so it''s fine." While saying this, I occasionally glanced at Daehyun to see his reaction.


    A faint smile was etched on his expressionless face, even that was barely visible on his face. He said in a low voice that sounded cold but it wasn''t the reply I wanted to hear.


    "Go to sleep. I will wake you up when we arrive."


    I was stunned and didn''t say anything else after this. By saying that, I understood what exactly this meant quite well that he didn''t want to talk about it for now.


    Perhaps, it would make him furious or had even angered him more and more and suppressed his current rage now.


    I couldn''t confirm that clarity even by looking at his face at once. It couldn''t even provide the slightest clarity. He covered it with calmness so that no one could tell how the mood of the person driving beside me at this moment.


    However, in a situation like this, I couldn''t fall asleep although my eyes were closed already. I couldn''t come to terms with this state of affairs and keep awake along the way.


    After a few hours, we arrived at a large building across the street from where we were. With my heart racing, I quickly straightened my back to look out the window.


    It was already 10:30 pm, but there were still several cars parked in the building''s yard, and some big men in black suits stood guard at several points. Apparently, there were still his co-workers who were in that place, perhaps.


    With feelings of impatience and the heart beating fast, I was about to open the car door, but Daehyun immediately grabbed my wrist tightly enough to hold me, so I immediately gave up the intention to do so.


    I carefully lowered my trembling hand.


    Now, relying on him was the best way. I had no choice but to let him do his own thing in a situation like this.


    No matter how much I wanted to jump out and run towards the building, Daehyun''s eyes contained an even more absolute command. Without saying a word it confirmed everything.


    That gaze was dominant and suppressed my desire to leave no matter how much I wanted to run over there.


    If I fought him again this time, it would only lead to both of us arguing as we did before. Moreover, after the kindness he did to me, revealing to him my stubbornness again would show me as an ungrateful person.


    I had hurt him enough with my words and now, I didn''t want to be any crueler than that.


    I was stunned without a sound and could only stare at the building from a distance with a feeling of impatience that I kept suppressing with difficulty.


    I just wanted to confirm the truth of the news. But, besides, deep inside my heart, I was also afraid of the worst that would happen to me there. I was afraid to face the truth if the news was real. it would slap me in the face, hit the wound in my heart at the same time, torture me with pain. Or worse, kill me right then and there with no mercy.


    However, I was already here and I couldn''t possibly run away other than facing all the worst things that might be waiting for me with a sinister smile over there.

 Chapter 164 - Confirming A Truth

    The thought made me want to cry, but I couldn''t, as if something was holding my tears back from rolling and sinking into a pain that was serious enough like a thousand razor blades slashing my fragile heart mercilessly at once.


    But, no matter how excruciating this feeling was, I still couldn''t cry for it.


    It was mental torture that almost made me lose my mind.


    At that moment, Daehyun took out his cell phone from his pocket and started calling someone. He talked on the phone for a few minutes before hanging up.


    After that, Daehyun looked at me with a complicated smile on his face, and said, "Chunghee, just wait a little more, okay?"


    Looking into his eyes, there was a complexity in them that was difficult to describe in words. The deeper I looked at them, the cold darkness at the edge of his eyes that had no end, allowing me to see the big depiction of our current situation.


    It pierced my heart even more. Seeing him, I felt even more troubled. Besides my selfish desire to run away, I also have to think about Daehyun who was also in a difficult situation.


    He helped me too much; wasted too much time on me; and also loved me too much ¡ª even now I sometimes wondered whether he was a fool or just being too kind.


    "Daehyun, what''s wrong?"


    Finally, curiosity and impatience pushed the question out of my slightly trembling lips even though I said it in a weak tone.


    Hearing my question, there was a sudden sadness in his eyes, so deep and cold that they didn''t spare the pleasant spring warmth of before.


    The corners of his lips slowly lifted. He smiled but it didn''t reach his eyes. It confirmed that he was not in good shape and smiled with pretense; pushed all the sweet things out of his face, but ended up in a bitter smile that couldn''t be disguised.


    At first, I thought ¡ª even I always thought ¡ª that Daehyun always covered his feelings perfectly. However, this time, he lost himself and became fragile.


    He couldn''t hide his feelings this time.


    A person like Daehyun, with all his goodness in this world, was like gold with a high value. Everyone wanted it, but not everyone could get it.


    Am I one of the lucky ones?


    I didn''t know if I should feel ''deserved''. He was high and noble, the one who was deserving of the happiness he deserved as his family name was so well-known.


    While me? I was like someone who had just sunk into the mud.


    Suddenly someone knocked on the car window from outside. I immediately turned around and saw a big man in a black suit standing outside, bowing slightly.


    Daehyun rolled down the car window and asked, "Are people still gathering inside?"


    "No sir. Just a few," the man in black replied respectfully.


    "Who are they?"


    "Um, I don''t know them, sir."


    Daehyun paused for a moment, then asked again, "What about my father? Is he in there too?"


    "Big Master is still there, sir, but he will be leaving soon." The man in black glanced at his watch for a moment, then continued, "Maybe a few more minutes later."


    Daehyun paused again then glanced at me for a moment before he spoke again in a commanding tone to the big man, "Ah, alright. Go back then."


    Seconds after the man left, he smiled at me. As if he knew what was in my head now, he spoke very calmly, as if the worry in his heart had been thrown into a hidden place and replaced by a strong determination, "Don''t worry. We''ll go there for now."


    Finishing the words, he immediately turned the car around carefully and drove it towards the building across the street where we were currently at.


    Surprisingly, the closer we got to the building, the more anxiety made my hands tremble and slowly felt cold. My heart was beating harder and harder while I was struggling to catch my breath caught in my throat.


    It felt cramped and got more and more suffocating.


    There was a reluctance to accept all this, but my mind had a strong desire to know the truth and to have a more powerful right.


    It seemed to make my whole body shiver to the bone.


    Arriving at this place, Daehyun parked his car next to several rows of luxury sedans in the parking of the building.


    At this very moment, I froze in silence. In my ears, there was only the sound of rumbling breathing and the sound of a loud beating heart. My gaze was locked at one point and it was a huge tall building in front of me, which radiated an aura of sorrow and sadness, without a trace of joy. It made my heart beat faster and almost explode.


    Then, without realizing it, Daehyun opened his car door, smiling gently and saying while holding out his hand, "Come on, we''ll go inside."


    I felt dazed for a while. I even forgot how I got back to Seoul and ended up in this place; how could Daehyun be with me now?; and what did I do here ¡ª even for the pain?


    This memory was lost for a moment, and the afterlife returned when remembering that the news of the death of a person I had always wanted to avoid just heard today consciously.


    Instantly everything became clear again and the pain was like something that suddenly appeared in my chest. It was like the loud bang of a meteor falling to the earth. All of them stung my heart suddenly at the same time.


    Weakly, I lifted my gaze, looked at Daehyun in front of me, then took his hand and slowly stood up.


    Having been sitting for several hours, my knees became stiff. I almost fell, but Daehyun immediately held my body, "Chunghee, be careful."


    Hearing the words, a weak smile appeared on my face. I turned to him and spoke in a low voice, "Daehyun, I don''t want to embarrass you inside. Let me go ¡ª I can walk on my own."

 Chapter 165 - Awry

    Finishing my words, suddenly his grip on my arm grew stronger and his face turned serious in an instant. He spoke gently to me, but there was an emphasis on his words that made the sentence sound firm.


    "What? You''re afraid you will embarrass me? Just so you know, I don''t have any shame anymore. Even if it was to embarrass my own family, I would have done it a long time ago. It''s already fallen to the ground. So you don''t have to think about whether you''re going to embarrass me in there or not. It''s not a big deal at all. Don''t worry."


    I looked at him in disbelief. He was very stubborn to always keep his words. During my time with him, he had never licked his own saliva without compulsion. When he made a promise, he would keep it even if it didn''t benefit him at all. Therein laid his pride, therein the shame was in his words ¡ª his actions were just selfishness ¡ª his selfishness that made him think he had no shame anymore.


    Even so, I knew that he did it only to me. He was not a fool in the eyes of the other people, but he was very stupid in my eyes.


    How could someone like him be born in this world? In fact, it would take a hundred years longer to find someone like him again in this world full of pain curses.


    However, without realizing it, an affectionate kiss landed on my forehead. I was instantly taken aback, but couldn''t avoid it because it was done in the blink of an eye. Even if I wanted to dodge, it happened so suddenly in a situation like this, where I lost my mind for a moment and didn''t have time to think that dramatically.


    But, still, the warmth of the kiss seemed to penetrate my skin and run through my blood. It was the long-lost warmth of someone who kept hurting me, yet I still loved him deeply to this day.


    People said that if someone kissed you on the forehead, it was a sign that someone loved you so much and I knew that pretty well. I knew that Daehyun really loved me ¡ª I admitted it.


    This was the first time I confessed that feeling, since all the lies and pains I gave him. Even without a direct word, I knew that he was aware of it by now.


    "Daehyun!"


    Suddenly a familiar deep voice pierced the air and turned the warmth into cold grains of fury that emanated from the voice. It surpassed even the winter chill and was more freezing.


    I slowly turned my head towards the voice, looking at the person to confirm that it was the same person I thought.


    "You beast!"


    My eyes widened open instantly and I was twice as surprised as before. It was Mr. Kim Myungdae, Daehyun''s father. With a fit of clear anger on his face, he was looking at both of us with rage.


    At this time, a question crossed my mind and caused anxiety which ended in extreme fear. Did he see Daehyun kiss me?


    With a frown on his face that showed displeasure from within, he began to walk towards us. His hands were clenched into fists tightly with blue veins protruding on them. This was a rare sight, considering that Mr. Kim Myungdae was someone who was always calm but now, that attitude showed a different side of him.


    However, suddenly Daehyun immediately stood in front of me, blocking my view with his broad and strong back as if hiding me or even ... protecting me?


    His tall posture made me almost drown behind him, so no one would know that I was currently crying silently behind.


    I didn''t know why I was crying. All I knew was that the sadness of everything that had happened today made me think that it was all my fault.


    Had not solved one problem, other problems just kept coming and it was piled up into a mountain of problems.


    I thought that being born in this world brought me a lot of misfortune.


    With tears rolling down my face, I hooked my index finger on Daehyun''s left pinky who was currently standing in front of me without moving an inch.


    Until the sound of "slap!" hard and painful was heard in silence. Daehyun staggered slightly to the side, then knelt on the ground while touching the left side of his face.


    It was a hard smack in the face!


    I was immediately surprised with a pale face. I could even feel my face getting colder and colder because the area didn''t seem to be flowing with blood.


    I was about to help and check the wound from the painful smack on his face, so I reached out. But, before I touched Daehyun''s face, he immediately dodged. Holding his face in one hand and the other hand gestured for me not to come any closer.


    He then inhaled and exhaled heavily in silence before turning his head slightly at me behind him. He said in an almost whispering voice, "Don''t come any closer. I''m fine."


    In this situation, a voice with clear anger rang out, "After all your disgraceful behavior ¡ª humiliating me in front of investors ¡ª you still dare to show your face in front of me apparently, you bastard!"


    Suddenly Mr. Kim Myungdae swept his gaze at me who was standing helplessly behind Daehyun, and instantly the cold aura that radiated from his eyes pierced my heart. He then shifted his eyes back to Daehyun who was trying to stand up, then snorted in annoyance. "You said you didn''t like him. But it looks like you''ve just proved to me that you''re crazy about him. You son of a bitch!"


    "You still remember what I said that time to you, don''t you? Regarding the consequences that I will give if you dare to set foot in this city again. I will never go back on my words. Don''t call me Kim Myungdae if I do. I''ll teach you manners from scratch again to be a kid I hoped for." With a pause, there was a strong command to his words, "Now, come with me. This is a day of mourning, I don''t want to use violence to drag you under my feet."


    Hearing the words, guilt instantly gathered in my chest. I could feel my heart beating fast as if it was about to explode.


    I was the one who caused his son, Kim Daehyun, whom he was honorable and very proud of before to become what he was now ....


    If there was anyone to blame, then it was me.


    I was the one who caused the esteemed Mr. Kim Myungdae with his great hospitality to be as angry as he was now ....


    If only I was strong enough to get rid of Daehyun earlier, maybe these two people wouldn''t need to be hostile to each other.


    And, I was the one who caused Lee Donghwa, the one I still loved to die so soon ....


    If it wasn''t for me being so weak at making decisions, then none of this would have needed to happen.


    There was no need for anyone to be hostile to each other and there was no need for anyone to die.


    If it was a hit, I was the one who deserved it. If it was a death, I was the one who deserved it either. I deserved punishment from the ground as well as the sky.


    With tears rolling down my face, my eyes misted up. I couldn''t see the situation well, until Daehyun''s gentle voice that sounded like satin touched my ear, "Chunghee, let''s go in. Don''t mind the words."


    He grabbed my hand and started walking into the building, followed by me behind him doubtfully. His grip was so strong that I had no choice but to follow him like a crybaby who was crying behind his back.


    As we were about to pass Mr. Kim Myungdae, his words made us stop, "So you don''t want to listen to what your own father said before, the one who raised you all along, huh? You had been so disobedient to me by ignoring those words, you bastard."


    Upon hearing his words and seeing his angry face, a strong aura of hostility grew between them.


    They both were no longer like father and son, but rather like competitors in the business elite who wanted to bring each other down.


    Unable to see the tension between the two of them any longer, I quickly looked away and wiped my tear-soaked eyes.


    Meanwhile, Daehyun didn''t give any response. He only paused for a moment and then started walking again indifferently, while pulling me so that I couldn''t help but have to follow him from behind in fear.


    This was a mourning day and I should mourn the death of someone I still loved. But, what can I do? No one expected that this would happen here. So now, my heart felt like it was splitting in two where the other side was grieving, while the other was terrified.

 Chapter 166 - Accusation Of Sorrow

    When I was inside, an aura of sorrow immediately grabbed my heart as soon as my eyes saw a coffin with flowers on it. My body instantly went limp and almost fell to the ground. Luckily, Daehyun was near me so he swiftly grabbed my body.


    I lifted my gaze slightly, and accidentally saw a photo of a smiling man in which the curve of his smile seemed to be mocking me, located not far above the coffin, which made my head stop thinking in an instant. Even though my vision wasn''t very clear, the facial contours of the person in the photo resembled Donghwa''s.


    I was silent in disbelief. I didn''t feel my body for a moment as if being numb before the various feelings flowed with my blood and gathered at the same point, like a countercurrent of electricity that stung my heart with a high voltage.


    Without thinking any further, I immediately threw Daehyun''s hand that was holding my hand at the moment, then ran towards the black coffin to get a better look.


    When I was a meter away, I suddenly stopped with a doubtful heart and pursed lips. I stared at the black coffin with a lot of feelings in my chest, which seemed to be stirred up by a big and cold hand at once.


    I was afraid to step. I was afraid for the truth. But, beyond all that, I was eager to see it; to confirm that this must be just a joke.


    Yes, I still thought this was a joke from him even though it had made me cry many times.


    During this silence, the air suddenly became colder and colder than before and made me shudder strongly, like a cold wind that blew into my empty heart as if to erase all the happiness between me and Donghwa in the past and not leave any of it behind. Then, when sadness almost overtook my heart, I immediately hit my heart with great force as if I was guarding something.


    However, in the end, it was just a waste, and only left a deeper wound and a more heartbreaking sadness.


    At the same time, my weak and misty eyes lifted slightly as if they had lost all strength and light in them, staring at a minimum-sized photo with a smiling man in it, right in front of me. That said it all ¡ª that it was a photo of Donghwa with a smile like ten years ago.


    It''s just that, at this moment the smile showed something deeper that made me feel like I wanted to be buried with him.


    With a trembling body and tears welling up in my eyes, I slowly took a step, and step by step made the sadness and the pain seemed to pierce the tips of my feet, penetrated my head.


    While at the side of the black coffin, I sat slowly while stunned for a moment. The coffin was tightly closed so I couldn''t see the face of the person laying in it. Out of the craze, it also made me doubt again and thought that Yunhee was just boasting with the news. Even though tears were currently filling my eyes, my heart wasn''t ready to accept the truth and give stupid suggestions to my head.


    However, that thought immediately changed in an instant when I saw the face of the man in the photo again.


    Suddenly my whole body went limp and the sound of a strong cry that I had been holding back came out like it was tearing my dry throat. My heart that was in my chest had also fallen at my feet and instantly shattered into pieces, destroying hope and the remaining memories that could make me smile into sorrow and pain that made me cry profusely.


    My body immediately fell, hugged the coffin, and kept crying over it.


    I hoped this was all a lie. I didn''t care if Donghwa tricked me with this news and promised to forgive him. But, the more I pushed myself to believe in my thoughts, the more I couldn''t hold back this cry, then broke out with my voice.


    Now, my heart was also crying because of pain. This was the most painful pain in the thirty-two years I had lived in this world. It didn''t kill me immediately but tortured me mentally very cruelly.


    "Donghwa ...."


    "Donghwa. ...."


    "Brother Lee...."


    With quivering lips, I tried to say his name a few times, hoping he would hear me and whisper the words, "Don''t cry, I''ll be with you. I was just joking for you to come home", to comfort me.


    However, the more I wished for such a thing, the more this pain gripped my chest and the more reality ripped my heart out brutally with madness.


    I never thought that something like this would happen one day, thus making the guilt even bigger and bubbling in my dead mind.


    I had lost many things and I had lost many tears for a sacrifice. Enduring the pain, then backing up, and falling with a hard slam. I had accepted everything with a smile despite being seriously injured and dying.


    However, it seemed that God had punished me for years until this moment, he was still punishing me mercilessly and had no mercy for me.


    "Why did you come back? A murderer like you doesn''t deserve to be in this place, you know."


    In the midst of my sobs, a voice that was quite familiar sounded like the painful sarcasm of this mourning day.


    A murderer like you doesn''t deserve to be in this place ....


    Murderer ....


    Did I kill him?


    The words kept repeating in my head several times.


    At first, I felt dazed, but gradually I could feel how they pierced my wounded heart and it hurt even more.


    The words were like accusations in my sorrow and made my situation even more depressing.


    Maybe there was some truth in that saying. I knew that I had acted cruelly when he begged to reconcile with me.


    I slowly lifted my body, then looked back weakly. My tearful eyes tried to focus on the person sitting behind me, who had just sowed a needle in my heart.


    I rubbed my misty eyes to clarify the figure. But, after I could see the person clearly, there was a fit of anger tucked into my sadness that I couldn''t express in words.


    Cho Sunyeon looked at me with hatred in his eyes. Even though his eyes also seemed to have shed a lot of tears, the hatred was still clear as if what had happened today was entirely my fault.


    "You don''t even respect him as a mourner who comes dressed like that ¡ª leave ¡ª get out of¡ª"


    "Sunyeon!"


    Another voice cut off Sunyeon''s words ¡ª it was Bae Yunhee. He walked over to me, sat next to me, and touched my arm as if he was comforting me. He then turned to Sunyeon who didn''t show his friendliness at all sarcastically, then spoke in a cold tone that sounded cruel to Sunyeon who was acting indifferent.


    "Hey, kid? You know who he is, right? How dare you say that to him." Paused, he continued, still in the same tone, coldly, "If anyone has to leave, it''s you, brat. Lee would say the same thing if you dared to say such a thing to his husband."


    Sunyeon was silent, turned his face sideways without giving any further comment. He also didn''t look sorry at all for what he just said.


    At first, I thought no one was in this room. But, seemingly, due to some sadness, I didn''t notice that several people dressed in black were standing near the wall, and what surprised me even more was that Sunyeon was also here, and probably from several hours ago.


    Continuously crying, when I looked back, I accidentally saw Daehyun who was still standing in the same place, near the entrance.


    When our eyes met at the same spot, the look in his eyes showed a different kind of sadness, and it wasn''t a sorrowful sorrow, but rather like there was deep jealousy but it couldn''t make him angry, so there was the only disappointment in his jet black and dark eyes.


    Daehyun looked at me deeply and had a bitter smile on his face. Witnessing that obvious concern also made me know immediately that he really felt pain in his heart because, in the end, I returned to someone I should have dumped.


    However, I couldn''t feel sad for him, and my heart seemed to die for someone else right now. I could only feel the sadness of losing someone I had left behind.


    I thought back to Sunyeon''s words and was sure that what he said was absolutely true. I was the cause of everything that had happened up to this moment.


    Daehyun was still looking at me deeply and still smiling bitterly.


    Yunhee suddenly spoke breaking the silence, "Park, thank goodness you still want to come to this place. Lee will definitely be happy because you want to come to see him."

 Chapter 167 - He Would Never Open His Eyes Again

    Hearing the words, I slowly shifted my gaze towards Yunhee beside me blankly, then looked at the coffin with a deeper sorrow while gently caressing it.


    "Do you want to open it? You want to see Lee, don''t you? He definitely wants to see you too," Yunhee spoke again as if opening this coffin would make me feel better.


    Of course, if the one that laid in it was Donghwa, then I didn''t know how I would cry over him later.


    I immediately looked at Yunhee after he said his words. There was a moment of silence before I nodded weakly.


    Yunhee immediately smiled without saying anything as if he was mocking me. It was like a slyness in the tip of his lips, but it didn''t show in his eyes.


    Yunhee''s face was still as arrogant as ever. But, now, behind the arrogance, there was a sadness about "losing a friend". He also seemed to still be able to grieve for a friend, considering the values ??of pride in him were far from reasonable.


    Two seconds later, he lifted the coffin, and immediately I saw someone who had spent so much time with me over the years was laying in it.


    His face was very pale but looked calm as if he could just flap his wings to fly after being shackled in suffering for so long. But, even so, there was still a lingering trace of sadness that could be clearly seen on his face even with his eyes closed and lost his soul.


    It''s really Donghwa ....


    Seeing Donghwa laying in a black suit, I couldn''t help but cry and regret what I had previously decided.


    All the pain from the start to the end fused at the same time and made my weary eyes tear up, bringing out their last strength with a strong sadness impulse from the many things that had passed.


    "Donghwa ... Brother Lee, wake up, I beg you. I''m back for you ... I''m here ...."


    While crying, I tried hard to wake him up, hoping he was just sleeping.


    "Donghwa, I''m here ¡­ quickly get up and greet me ¡­ I beg you ¡­ don''t make me wait ¡­."


    My voice trembled violently from the pain. Of all these bad things ¡ª today was the worst. I could no longer hold it all at once, so I started to go crazy and stirred his body to wake him up from ... an eternal resting ....


    "Donghwa, wake up, you bastard! Don''t play with me like this! Wake up! Open your eyes! Don''t¡ª"


    "Park, stop." Yunhee held my body which was currently gripping the collar of Donghwa''s shirt, trying to make him open his eyes.


    "It''s useless. He will never open his eyes," Yunhee continued.


    Hearing this, I immediately awoke like someone who had just risen from the dead and realized that all this wasn''t a dream.


    Donghwa is really dead ....


    Instantly my body went limp. Luckily, Yunhee was holding both my arms, so I didn''t fall to the ground. Covering my face with my palms, I sobbed loudly, louder and louder than before, while Yunhee said nothing and let me cry.


    I kept trying to push myself to think that this was just a dream and I would soon wake up. However, the pain, the regret, the guilt, felt so real that it proved that this was a harsh reality that I had to face.


    I slowly straightened my back, then touched Donghwa''s face which felt so cold and stiff, then moved his hand to stroke it with all the tenderness I had, and kissed it with a warm affection that still remains in my heart. But, what I found was that his hands got cold more than the winter chill.


    However, something on his wrist caught my attention. I quickly turned his hand and saw a long wound with several stitches on the inside of his wrist.


    This was a pretty deep cut. I was shocked and immediately covered my mouth tightly with my other hand so as not to scream with tears rolling down my face incessantly.


    I turned to Yunhee with an ironic look. Without saying anything, it seemed that Yunhee already knew what I was about to ask, so he said in a deep voice as if there was sadness and anger he was holding back.


    "He took his own life."


    Now, guilt dominated in my heart and I cursed myself.


    Why are you so stupid to end your own life in this way?!


    I never wanted him to do anything this far. He still had a future at the edge of his eyes, but he foolishly chose to stop on the same path, just because he was abandoned by someone like me?


    I was sure there were plenty of people out there who liked him. But, why was he so stupid to choose a path like this instead of having to find a new one?


    "...."


    Heh, I just remembered ... he was stupid ... and very reckless.


    Why did I forget about that?


    I felt like laughing at myself right now.


    I thought this was all a misunderstanding between us. From the start, I thought Donghwa didn''t like me anymore and was bored with our old relationship and there was nothing new in it, so he looked to someone else out there for a pleasure that had more satisfaction guaranteed qualities for him.


    Until finally I realized everything today that deciding to break up with him was indeed a mistake.


    Actually, I knew this from the start, but I''d rather make a fool of myself than had to deal with our toxic relationship.


    Now, I believed that he really lost me to the point of taking his own life.


    Oh, my, how stupid I was that time ....


    It was like a punch to my face. It hurt so much, but I deserved it!


    "Brother Lee, wake up, please."


    I was silent for a few seconds as if waiting for an answer from the body of the person I loved in front of me. However, getting no response, I spoke again with all sorrow in my voice while stroking his head gently, hoping for some miracle to make him open his eyes.


    "I''m here for you now. Don''t you want to welcome me? Please, look at me. I''m home now."


    "You want to start over, don''t you? We''ll do it. We''ll get our relationship back to how it was before ¡ª just the way you want it. I''m not leaving again and I''ll be with you to the end. Like I said back then in college ...." I paused for a moment, took a deep breath. As soon as I wanted to say my next words, it felt like my heart was breaking.


    However, I didn''t know what I expected to say my words even though it hurt me.


    "Donghwa, I promised never to leave you, right? So, please, wake up, and let me promise one more time. I swear that this time I won''t break it. I promise."


    I knew quite clearly that these words were useless.


    However, there was a foolish hope in my mind that kept persuading me which something like this would wake him up immediately with excitement on his face.


    Donghwa was someone who always wanted to be persuaded. This habit had always existed in him since a long time ago when he was sulking.


    I remembered very well when we were in college, he would never talk to me if I didn''t persuade him first. So, that''s t why I had such a hopeless wish. I just wanted him to listen to me like before.


    It truly hurt and more painful, but I had lost my mind to think something ....


    However, sensing his body devoid of any warmth, which felt cold continuously, the hope was instantly shattered with the feeling that was in it.


    Yunhee was right that no matter how hard I tried to wake him up, it would never happen.


    But, even though my mind had realized it, my own heart was still asking me to repeat the same words over and over again.


    I kissed his forehead, then repeating the words that revealed how hopeless I was now.


    "Donghwa, wake up, please, let''s go home. Don''t sleep in this place, I beg you. Listen to me this time okay?" As I said, there was a sob I held in my chest, and it tore my feelings apart at once.


    It was like a crazy act. But, from the start, I was crazy about him, even with all the pain he gave me, sticking with him for three years was the craziest thing I had ever done.


    Even though I said I no longer loved him, I actually loved him more than I thought. Even though I said I wanted to break up, I actually wanted to be with him forever.


    But what? He once made me feel hurt so much that made me decide something against my heart and in the end, I regretted everything.


    From the start, I knew that I would regret everything. But, I was just trying to convince myself and manipulate my heart that the choice was right.


    People said that our heart had never lied ¡ª it was true. It was the mouth that denied everything, while the heart would feel the consequences of the lies of words in the end.


    Amid my sorrow, Yunhee''s voice sounded like darkness in despair and hit my chest in an instant. It was a reality that seemed to wake me up in the cruelest way.


    "Park, that''s useless to say them today."

 Chapter 168 - Bae Yunhee Was So Mean

    Earlier, he sided with me with great humility. But now, he stabbed me just like that without me knowing beforehand. It was like a sneaky trap with a pleasure beginning but it ended with a deeper stab in the same wound.


    Why did he even say that? It sounded like he was declaring war.


    "Lee has been looking for you for a long time. He put in all his efforts and sacrificed his pride just to be able to bring you back," Yunhee spoke in a domineering cold tone, sounded calm yet painful, "Now, he''s gone. No matter how hard you want him to open his eyes for you, it will never happen. I don''t know, what made you so hard-hearted not to want to go back to him, obviously it hurt him. He loves you so much, more than you know. It''s really very regretful that you just said the words that would make him smile but he can''t hear you anymore."


    "You know, a man can love too deeply for six years without him realizing it. I think, Lee just didn''t realize his feelings so he did his own thing, then regretted everything in the end. But, when he regrets everything, you hurt him even more."


    Hearing his words, I wiped my tears that wouldn''t stop rolling down my face, grabbed Donghwa''s cold and stiff hand, then spoke hoarsely, "What do you mean by that? Do you know how I felt at that time?"


    "Nothing. I didn''t mean anything." He paused for a few seconds, then he continued, "I just wanted to tell you something from the person where Lee was complaining to. And, you know, actually, hearing Lee keep complaining about you, really pissed me off, but I feel I have no choice but to listen to him. He doesn''t have many close people out there, so since he''s also helped me a lot, I had to help him besides being a friend."


    I was silent for a few seconds before finally straightening my back carefully. I turned to Yunhee and spoke, "Should you say it here? In front of his body? Seriously? Now, who here has no respect?" I paused, sobbing, before continuing, "Earlier, on the phone, you spoke of a ''respect'' and spoke too politely for someone like you. But now you''re the only one who doesn''t have that."


    I smiled with all the bitterness on my lips, turned to Donghwa''s body, then kissed his cold forehead like a lump of eternal ice that would never be melted by any warmth.


    "Don''t say such things here, I beg of you," I continued.


    My tears fell on Donghwa''s closed eyelids and became frozen, just like my heart. It instantly restored my senses that had been missing for a while. Now, I realized that Donghwa would never wake up.


    No matter how hard I tried to persuade him, he would never open his eyes for me again, not even to hear me.


    "Heh, so it was you who picked up my call, huh?" Yunhee snorted coldly, saying, "Apparently, what Lee said before is true. Your relationship with President Kim has indeed grown more intimate."


    "Bae Yunhee, stop!" I held my voice in my throat so it was like a whisper but with clear anger, "Should you say that here? If you want to insult me, do it outside this building. I''ll accept it ¡ª even if it breaks my pride!"


    Out of the corner of my eye, I accidentally saw Daehyun who was still standing in the same place looking annoyed while clenching his fists.


    He seemed to have overheard our conversation. He was about to come closer, but I asked him to stop, so he stopped.


    It was a day of mourning and I didn''t want any fuss.


    I clenched my fists tightly as if I wanted to punch Yunhee in the face directly. However, I was raised to avoid a fight, so I wasn''t used to violence and was just a weak guy who always gave in.


    "Yunhee, I know, I was wrong. I also don''t mind if you blame me for all this. But, please, don''t say that here. This is a place of mourning. We should pray, not argue."


    Finishing my words, there was a sudden silence at the end of my voice.


    Not a single sound could be heard at this time, not even for the wind, as if they had stopped blowing cold air to witness the emotional atmosphere in this place, or were they just laughing silently in this silence? It was all just a long silence, taking up the next few minutes.


    Yunhee stared at Donghwa''s pale face which was stiff. Then, very suddenly, the gentleness ran down his face and revealed a line of sincerity. An undisguised smirk tugged at the corners of his lips.


    "Five years ago, when we had just signed our first contract. In the evening, after attending a banquet with corporate dignitaries and investors, we went to a casino. To be honest, I forced him to play with me and mocked him that he was too cowardly to lose. But, do you know, what words did he say to me?"


    "...."


    "He said he wanted to save up and buy a fancy house for you." Yunhee chuckled lightly, then continued, "But unfortunately, when he found out that you didn''t want such a thing, he came to me with a disappointment and complained. He said, you always gave gifts to him in the past even in difficult circumstances, but you so seldom wanted to receive any gifts from him."


    Hearing his words, I lowered my gaze slightly, suppressed quite a strong emotion from within me.


    Now, I remembered, Donghwa did talk to me about it, but I never knew he was so serious about such things. And, in our last meet some time ago, he also said that he had bought land in Jeju and would build a house for me. But, at that time, our situation wasn''t as harmonious as five years ago. So, I thoughtlessly refused and told him to leave.


    "A year later, I got into a serious problem. I was scammed by someone and lost a few percent of my shares, then stupidly gambled. I was screwed at the time, and I didn''t know where to turn to anyone for help. Until finally, without me asking, Lee came to me and helped me to rebuild everything. Even though we were on the verge of being brought to court, fortunately, Lee is Mr. Kim''s confidant, so our problems were not magnified and finally closed because he helped us."


    He took a deep breath, smiling. "Yeah, Lee''s not a bad bastard I think. But, now, I think of him as a really stupid bastard."


    "Heh, you know, what did he want when he was critical? He wanted to see you. I know he was unconscious when he talked about you, but I was sure that''s what he wanted. Just so you know, he was always thinking about you. Even when he was dying, he kept saying your name. Until his last seconds, he still had time to say your name."


    Hearing the words, a moment of sadness exploded in my chest again. I gripped the sides of the black coffin tightly, inhaling and exhaling several times to calm myself.


    This was totally beyond my expectation. I was like finding treasure but just threw it away after hearing a hidden thing that I just found out. There was a great regret that wasn''t disguised by my current sadness that was like tearing my body apart.


    Yunhee was really being mean to say all that now.


    However, Yunhee didn''t seem to care about my sadness as if he purposely said all that to vent his anger and repay what had hurt Donghwa during his life.


    Yunhee kept saying, "Ever since you left him ... heh, you''ve seen how messed up he was, right? So I don''t need to explain everything anymore how he was." He chuckled softly before continuing, "You know, he fought against an investor for three years to get land in Jeju. He said, you wanted to live there, so he bought it for you. But, after you left and he tried to persuade you to return, you know what he did when he got your answer?"


    I covered my mouth and kept crying while remembering our last meeting that time. If only I had given him one more chance, none of this would have been possible.


    "Heh, he had not been in the office for days after he met you. And, do you know what he did when he was alone at home on those days, he kept crying, you know. His time is only wasted crying. In my eyes, Lee ain''t a crybaby. He''s strong. People were reticent to him. But, in fact, he is a very weak person when it comes to his heart¡ª"


    "Bae Yunhee, please stop. Don''t continue. I don''t want to hear it ¡­ please ¡­ stop," I said, immediately cutting off Yunhee''s words while covering my ears. Hearing all that only made me more frustrated.


    However, seemingly, although I begged him not to continue his words, Yunhee had no intention of stopping at all. He even savagely said, "Why? You have to know how he was so you can mourn everything."

 Chapter 169 - Cruel Words

    I shook my head weakly while replying haltingly, "I ... have been grieving so much, please, don''t ... make me feel sorrow ... more than this."


    Yunhee didn''t respond to my words as if he didn''t hear anything, he even continued his speech.


    "When I came to see Lee at his office, what surprised me the most was that he smiled. You know, he smiled. He never even did that when he was in trouble. Of course, it worried me a lot." Yunhee chuckled mockingly before continuing, "If you saw how he smiled at that time, you would see how depressed he had been since losing you."


    "I asked him to go see a psychiatrist I know, but he refused on the grounds that he was fine. He said it wouldn''t take long. It would all be over soon." Paused for a moment, Yunhee chuckled again, then added, "At first, I didn''t get what he meant by that. But, now, I get the point of his words. Apparently, this is what he meant by the words ''this would end soon''. I didn''t expect that he would end his suffering in this way¡ª"


    "Yunhee, stop. I beg you ..., enough ..., please," I cut his words while shaking my head, not wanting to hear all that. "I was wrong. And I''m sorry. So please ... stop ...."


    "You need to know. So¡ª" Yunhee was about to say something, but suddenly he paused.


    Out of curiosity, I slowly turned to Yunhee and saw that a big hand had gripped his shoulder quite firmly.


    "Didn''t you hear him? He said stop," Daehyun said coldly as he continued to grip Yunhee''s shoulders tightly. He added, "I exactly didn''t want to interfere, but you''re going too far. Did you ask him to come here because you just wanted to tell him this?"


    Yunhee didn''t look tense or scared. He even calmly mocked him by the words, "Oh, here it is, a hero. I can''t do anything when confronted with someone in power."


    Daehyun gritted his teeth when he heard that, looked like he was struggling to hold his emotions.


    Daehyun opened his mouth, about to speak. However, before he could say his sentence, I immediately said to him first in a low voice, "Daehyun, it''s okay. Let him go now."


    Daehyun was silent for a moment, then turned to me to confirm, "Are you sure?"


    I nodded in response.


    After that, he said to Yunhee in a threatening tone, "Watch your words next or I''ll beat you up."


    Yunhee didn''t say anything. He just smirked as if he thought Daehyun''s words were a joke.


    Daehyun glared at him before he went behind to where he was standing before.


    After Daehyun left both of us, silence immediately filled the atmosphere. I just kept staring at Donghwa''s face, holding his hand gently, while shedding tears.


    This was an unexpected journey of our life story. I never thought that he would go first.


    When the past was repeated in my head, the memories revealed that it was Donghwa who would survive longer.


    However, in fact, I was the one who witnessed him laying in the coffin with a pale face and cold body.


    I never expected to witness this moment. After I found out that I had a serious illness, I kept hoping that I would die soon while Donghwa wasn''t with me. I thought that it would be better if he didn''t see me die.


    But, this person was too stubborn and insane at the same time or ... too reckless?


    He couldn''t control himself.


    Donghwa ...


    Why are you doing this?


    Do you think killing yourself will end everything?


    Don''t you think about how I felt when I had to be here on the day you died?


    If we meet again one day, I won''t miss the chance to slap you in the face as hard as I can ...


    Thinking of this, there was a stinging feeling in my chest.


    Yunhee suddenly spoke in silence, "Park, I''m sorry for telling you that. I shouldn''t blame you for this."


    I turned to him slowly. There was silence for a moment before replying, "It''s okay. I know how you feel. So, drop it and don''t talk about it anymore."


    After my words, Yunhee was silent for a while, then asked again, "I heard you are going to France with Kim. When are you guys leaving?"


    I froze as soon as I heard his question. All I could think of right now was the question: How did he know that? But, asking it wasn''t important anymore, so I just kept the question in my head.


    Then, I simply replied in a hoarse voice, "It should be three more days."


    "Don''t you want to wait until his [1]four-ninth day?"


    I couldn''t answer and be quiet. After all, I had promised someone to always follow him. So, I couldn''t determine my life path anymore to survive.


    The atmosphere was quiet again. Yunhee seemed to understand my current situation so he didn''t comment further. Meanwhile, I just kept silent with sorrow.


    "So what now?" Yunhee turned to me with seriousness on his face, he asked coldly, "Have you forgiven him now?"


    I suddenly smiled weakly amid my sadness, and there was a steadfastness that rose in my heart like something soft and warm that no words could describe.


    I looked at Yunhee for a moment, then return to look at Donghwa again and smile as if there was a firmness carved between this world and the hereafter. I said sincerely, "I forgave him a long time ago. Ever since he came to me to apologize, I''ve forgiven him at that time. But, I just can''t go back to him."


    "...."


    "Yunhee, listen, I''m sick and I know that I''m dying too. You might think that I''m fine right now, but that''s wrong. I''m just trying to look fine." Paused, I added, "My eyesight is getting worse. I''m even having trouble walking again. Therefore, I don''t want him to be sad when he finds out the truth. I don''t want him to cry over me. However, he is stubborn and keeps trying ¡ª even if I say a cruel thing to him."


    "But he already knew it all, didn''t he? You must also know that no matter how deep you dig a hole to hide, he will overturn the earth to find you." Yunhee spoke calmly, but the calmness in his voice had thorns prickling my body.


    I was stunned for a moment. That was a painful truth. Donghwa already knew the truth I was trying to hide. And in the end, I was the only one who endured such deep sorrow for two people at once and lost many things that should have been the most precious thing in my life.


    I couldn''t even say anything.


    After finishing his sentence, we were silent for a long gap before Sunyeon''s voice cut the silence from behind.


    "Brother Bae, it''s useless for you to say that to an ignorant person like him."


    [1]On the 49th Day Ritual, the family will burn the deceased''s clothes and belongings and hold a ceremony, ensuring that the deceased has no lingering regrets towards the world.

 Chapter 170 - The Scary Kim Daehyun

    It sounded like a painful sneer.


    Yunhee immediately turned to Sunyeon, saying, "Shut up, brat." Then, he turned to me and said in a gentle tone, "I have to go right away, I''ll close the coffin, okay?"


    "No!" my lips said this subconsciously as if there was a strong rejection in the depth of my heart. "I mean ¡ª later ¡ª I still want to see him ¡ª let me be with him for a while, please."


    I forced my stubbornness. Even though my voice and lips trembled from a severe wound, I wanted to affirm the words with the weak strength I had even if it would kill me.


    In this situation, our eyes met. I looked at Yunhee with earnest pleading in my misty eyes, hoping that Yunhee could give some understanding and show a little empathy to someone as pathetic as me.


    Yunhee was an arrogant man with a strict bloodline, and that was already engraved on his family''s back. Even so, I knew that there was a gentle side to his cold heart; hidden, and no one could find it unless that person was someone with perfect tenderness, he would pull the tenderness from his heart with care and love.


    I didn''t have either of those things, but I was with this pitiful hope ¡ª hoping with all my dignity ¡ª he would show his empathy just this once.


    This was our last moment that would never be repeated, like the time that kept turning but would never turn at the same moments in the past. Even with its high hopes beyond the sky, it would never touch anything but the void, then fall and instantly shatter down.


    However, before hearing a response from Yunhee who showed no emotion on his face, suddenly and unexpectedly, my hand was pulled back quite firmly, so that I fell on the cold ground. I froze for a few seconds before lifting my face weakly.


    It was Sunyeon who did it. He looked at me with hatred and disgust on his face. He yelled, "Go away! Don''t show your face again! Disappear from this earth and don''t leave your bones on the ground ¡ª even that curses you!"


    Yunhee was also surprised at the same time, he immediately helped me to get up. He was about to curse at Sunyeon, but before he did, there was a loud slap that made everyone in this room silent as if time had also stopped.


    Daehyun angrily looked at Sunyeon who fell on the ground after he hit his face hard. There wasn''t even any guilt or remorse on his face. He threatened, "If you touch him again, I won''t hold myself from beating you harder than this."


    Daehyun looked scary, I was even surprised.


    Meanwhile, Sunyeon, who touched his painful face slowly shifted his body backward, looked terrified.


    After that, Daehyun turned to me and suddenly his angry face turned worried. He then immediately sat up and grabbed me from Yunhee, then hugged me before he lifted his gaze back to Sunyeon. His eyes turned gloomy in an instant ¡ª dark and furious.


    The ferocity on his face was something that couldn''t be ignored, made Sunyeon''s cold face with hatred gradually turn into panic, and there was fear flashing in his eyes.


    Meanwhile, Yunhee rushed over to Sunyeon, intending to help him to get up. However, Sunyeon was flatly rejected and allowed himself to sit on his own strength.


    Yunhee said, "Kim, you shouldn''t have to hit him that hard. You''re going too far."


    However, Daehyun looked unconcerned as if the words "he deserves it" were written on his face. He then asked me worriedly, "Chunghee, are you okay? Are you hurt?"


    There was bitterness in my eyes filled with tears as I forced a smile and shook my head weakly.


    "Heh, embarrassing," Yunhee muttered in a small voice. But in this silent room, the echo of his voice could be heard with clear words. He then left with no joy on his face.


    However, the word "embarrassing" that was affirmed so hard had left an imprint on my chest quite deep even without knowing the true meaning of the word.


    I didn''t know why he said that and to whom that was for. However, I felt hurt when I heard Yunhee say that consciously and sounded disgusted.


    Meanwhile, Daehyun was about to help me up and sat on one of the chairs. However, I gently refused and wanted to stay by Donghwa''s side one last time. Daehyun gently stroked my head and wiped my face which was only filled with tears that kept rolling non-stop.


    In a situation like this, everyone else''s feelings weren''t very clear to me ¡ª even to my own. I didn''t know if Daehyun was doing something that genuinely cares for me or was it just pity. I thought that it was all just guilt.


    With all this desperation, I looked at the half-smiling Donghwa photo, and asked Daehyun, "Is this all my fault?"


    Finishing my sentence, I mustered up the courage to turn to Daehyun beside me and look into his eyes.


    Daehyun smiled and there was a brightness in his shady eyes. He answered sincerely, "No. How can you blame yourself? Of course, it''s not your fault."


    Hearing his words, calmed down my feelings that had completely lost their calmness from the start.


    Although that sounded very convincing, I knew it quite clearly, that the answer was indeed specially modified to calm my chaotic feelings.


    However, I didn''t make any comments. Like the answer I needed right now, there was no way for me not to take the words from him.


    I thought that if someone also asked that when he was grieving to me, then I would definitely say the same.


    I was stunned and smiled weakly without a word.


    However, one of the men in the Kim Family suddenly came and whispered words to Daehyun, which I could still hear clearly, "Young Master, your father asked you to return to the main house. He is already waiting for you there. He said he wanted to talk about something."


    Daehyun was silent for a moment, took a deep breath, then replied indifferently, "Tell him I don''t want to go home."


    "Sir, your father will be furious if you don''t return this time."


    "I don''t care. Just tell him like that," he replied, still indifferently.


    Hearing the conversation, I instinctively grabbed Daehyun''s wrist. There was a worry that crossed my heart. Then, he immediately turned and smiled at me as if his current face was saying "everything will be fine" even without words.

 Chapter 171 - Who Exactly Is The Mistress Here?

    The big black man paused. He then stood up straight, took his cell phone out of his pocket, and started calling someone. The man nodded at the direction of someone on the phone


    Until a few minutes later, he hung up the phone, then turned to several people who looked the same as him who were standing near the entrance and gave a signal. Seeing the signal, they all moved immediately, approaching where Daehyun and I were.


    The next seconds, two of them grabbed Daehyun''s arms and forced him to stand up. Daehyun looked panicked, while I was shocked but couldn''t do anything. Daehyun persistently tried to free his arms which were locked by two big and strong men, but it was unsuccessful.


    I admitted that Daehyun was a tough and physically strong person, but with two big people and strong muscular arms blocking his movements, Daehyun was helpless like he was a poor weak man right now.


    After all, two big men against one person, it was unfair. Daehyun was powerless.


    Finally, Daehyun yelled angrily, "What the fuck are you doing?! Let me go! How dare you!"


    The big black man replied apologetically, "Forgive us, sir. This is an order from the Big Master directly. We cannot deny it."


    Usually, they were very obedient to Daehyun, but his father was the ruler of his family, so whatever words and threats Daehyun gave them wouldn''t have any impact anymore.


    I couldn''t help but stare at this scene without a word. I wanted to help, but with my little strength, helping him would only make things get worse.


    Now, the strong Daehyun looked like just a weak woman who was forced to go home by her father.


    Seeing Daehyun being dragged out, my eyes kept following where they were going. Daehyun continued to struggle and repeatedly turned to me with anxiety on his face.


    However, he might be a rebel. In his eyes and how he acted didn''t show the slightest desperation. He was still struggling to free himself with all his strength.


    When he was about to go through the exit in this room, Daehyun suddenly said sternly, "Wait, wait!" He kept trying to keep his feet on the corner of the door, then spoke again in a low voice, "Okay, fine, I''ll be there, but let me go first. I want to talk to him for a moment."


    At first, the people in black suits showed hesitation on their faces and made eye contact with each other as a negotiation. They seemed to be considering this, worried that Daehyun would run away.


    However, in the end, the same person gestured to the two people who locked Daehyun''s arms to release their grip on his hands.


    Daehyun immediately pulled his hands roughly, frowning and sneering at them before tidying up his clothes. He then walked towards me in a hurry.


    In front of me, his deep eyes were like a sea of ??fire. He looked angry, the fire was blazing fiercely, but slowly dimmed, replaced by stillness. He looked straight at me, and the anger on his face gradually disappeared.


    "Chunghee," Daehyun spoke as he gently touched my arms, "Listen, I have to go now, it''s only for a moment. After I talked to him, I''ll come back to see you soon ¡ª I promise ¡ª I promise, I''ll be right back for you, okay?"


    I was in a daze for a while before finally forced to string words together in a weak and hoarse voice, "I''ll be waiting for you."


    As soon as I heard my own words, I was shocked but couldn''t take the words back. Once again I felt that I was putting weight on his back.


    I never thought that I would say words that showed Daehyun was as if the only one who I depended on once again.


    Meanwhile, Daehyun showed a different reaction. Instead of feeling burdened, my words even made his face look cheerful. There was a bright smile as if he were the petals of a flower that had just bloomed, which spread a sweet and light fragrance in the morning.


    Touching my face with tenderness from the bottom of his heart, he said, "Sure, I''ll definitely be back. I won''t keep you waiting too long."


    There was a difference in his tone this time. Although it still sounded gentle, enthusiasm could be clearly heard in his voice.


    I could only nod my head weakly.


    "Sir, it''s time to go."


    The big black man touched Daehyun''s arm, trying to pull him away, but Daehyun immediately pushed his hand away violently, so that the big black man''s hand swung to the side.


    Frowning, he said coldly, "I can walk on my own."


    Daehyun shifted his eyes towards me and smiled gently before he walked out followed by his men behind.


    My slightly misty eyes watched him out until he disappeared behind the door. Now, it was just Sunyeon and me in this room and a few guards.


    In the midst of this sorrow, the cold air that blew also brought hatred from the person sitting behind me. I felt awkward.


    I lowered my head, clutching the cotton coat I was wearing, which was a little worn. Donghwa bought this for me about seven years ago. I still remembered clearly, that day was the day he had just been promoted.


    It was early winter. He came to pick me up at the company and took me to a restaurant to celebrate his promotion day. However, because it was snowing, he stopped the car and hurried out to buy a coat for me on the side of the road.


    I said he didn''t need to buy it, but he persisted. He said that I was thin and that my skin was thin, I would catch a cold easily. He was worried that I would get sick and go to the hospital. He also said that the hospital''s smell was so bad, it could make me feel uncomfortable. The words certainly made us laugh that night.


    Reminiscing that night, I smiled, but tears rolled down my face at once. For some reason, the more I recalled the previous years, the more pain gathered in my heart.


    Now, it was just a painful memory. The sweet taste became bitter and the bitter taste becomes more bitter. None of our memories could bring back this situation even though gathering all the sweetness on this earth at once.


    However, when I tried to dig all the memories, Sunyeon spoke with a hostile tone, and hit the pain in my heart quite hard and cruelly, "Why are you still here? You''d better leave. You don''t deserve to be in this place. You will only make his soul uneasy."


    I didn''t know why he said that to me. We were here as mourners at the funeral house to deliver a prayer, anger would ruin the quiet atmosphere here, wouldn''t it?


    He was indeed like a kid who had naivety in thinking. But he must know that allowing such anger in a situation like this was completely out of the lines.


    "Sunyeon...." I smiled bitterly with intense pain in my chest, saying, "Why do you hate me so much? What have I done to you? If it''s because of my relationship with Donghwa, wouldn''t it be you who is the only one who snuck into our relationship? Do you know how long I''ve been in a relationship with him and what we''ve been through all the time? Everything is nothing compared to your three-year affair."


    Actually, I didn''t want to say this. But, this kid had gone too far, plus I was in a messed up mood tonight.


    I added, "But, I don''t hate you and that doesn''t mean I don''t care about my relationship with him. It''s just that, I don''t think that keeping it all will be useless. Being angry with you is useless too. I''ll be...."


    "Get out of here!" Sunyeon yelled.


    I sighed heavily. He even didn''t want to listen to me. So, without caring, I took some incense and burned them to pay homage to the deceased as well as pray for him.


    However, it seemed that my words made Sunyeon even more annoyed. He yelled again loudly, "I said get out!"


    Hearing him say the same words, I felt funny in my heart. I wondered: who exactly is the mistress here? This is my household business, yet why would a concubine dare to interfere?


    I turned to him behind me, and tears still rolled down my face. I flashed a smile as if mocking him, saying, "If your relationship continues, I''m sure in a year or two he will still dump you."


    Apparently, when the kid heard my words, he became even more furious, and finally shouted in a commanding tone, "Get him out of here!"


    In the mid of a room filled with emptiness, his voice boomed across the ceiling like a thunderbolt about to strike.


    As soon as he shouted, two guards in black who were standing at the door rushed in.


    "Get him out of here," Sunyeon said to them once again with such an arrogant commanding tone.


    Instantly one of them grabbed my left arm violently, causing pain. Then, without using any great strength, the big man dragged me out of this place.

 Chapter 172 - Helpless

    It was something as easy to drag out a weak and sickly person like me, like catching a dying rabbit. They didn''t have to waste much sweat doing it.


    Sunyeon followed behind the two big men, looking at me scornfully as if he was pouring out all the pain and anger through his eyes.


    While I occasionally glanced at Sunyeon, who still didn''t show any friendliness at all, inside I really wanted to ask him to stop doing this to me, but I couldn''t say anything.


    Here, I didn''t have the strength to speak. Even if I could, no one would listen to me and the words would just be hogwash. It was a waste.


    I stared at the coffin, further and further away from my sight. I had not finished praying for him yet, but once again we were separated most cruelly. In fact, I just wanted to accompany Donghwa''s body here before he was cremated, but other people didn''t agree.


    They just didn''t know how I was dying and want to make one last wish but no one wanted to make it happen. It felt like your whole life was just a waste of time.


    While outside the building, the big men who were dragging me out immediately threw me on the ground. I fell hard, causing my palms to be scratched.


    I feel pathetic but can''t do anything ....


    If there was the saddest thing in this world, it was my situation right now.


    Sitting on the ground, I felt dazed by my situation. I lifted my head, saw Sunyeon in front of me. I still didn''t understand why he hated me so much and did this to me. I asked subconsciously, "Wh ... why are you doing this?"


    After regaining my senses, I started to stand up with difficulty. I didn''t care about my dirty clothes and just kept staring at Sunyeon who was standing in front of me.


    "You are the jinx of this world!" Sunyeon yelled, crying profusely. "It''s all because of you! Brother Lee died, it''s because of you! Why did a jinx like you have to be born in this world?! Get away from here!"


    While saying the insults, Sunyeon pointed at my nose with anger and sadness in his eyes. His lips trembled violently and tears streamed down his face, but he held back his sobs with difficulty on his tongue.


    Hearing those painful words, I froze for a moment. My body went numb in shock like a blood clot had blocked my veins and heart so that no warmth could make me think more clearly.


    I also thought like that, why did I have to be born in this world?


    However, I didn''t want anyone to say that to me. If only I had known for certain that something like this would happen in the future, I would also have chosen not to be born at all. It would be a better way than having to suffer many sufferings and it would be better not to fall in love.


    If only that option existed, I''d rather replace Donghwa to lay down in that place!


    I wanted to defend myself, but every time I opened my mouth, all I could hear was a sob in my throat, then all the words that had been strung together were swallowed back, producing the deepest groans of sorrow. So, I could only be silent, accepting everything steadfastly.


    After saying such a cruel thing, Sunyeon immediately entered the building followed by two big men who dragged me just now.


    Weakly, under the cold, dark skyline, I walked to the side of the building, leaned one arm against the wall, and slumped slowly down. I stared ahead at the rows of wreaths inscribed condolences with tears in my eyes.


    In my heart I kept muttering, ''Donghwa, someone just insulted me, won''t you help me?''


    However, because I knew it was useless, so I could only lower my head, burying my face between my two knees which were slightly trembling while thinking about why this all happened so fast.


    I should have left him first and he was the one crying over me. But, why should I cry for him now?!


    I hate this truth so much!


    I once read a quote in a book, "Life is the most pleasant lie, and death is the most frightening reality." The quote was very accurate. But, I wondered, ''why do so many people still choose to face such frightening thing with their own hands?


    Is there something beautiful behind that?


    My mind was messed up. I didn''t even know why I thought all that.


    However, somehow when I started thinking about death, my heart felt like it was being stabbed by needles, so I stroked my chest after I reviewed the various feelings inside of me, hoping the pain in my heart subsided.


    There was no joy in this place. Everything was just sadness again and again continuously as if this world was indeed made of pain and suffering, which made people live only to cry all the time. Or... was I the only one feeling the bad side of the world after years of happiness?


    In the midst of this sadness, Daehyun''s image suddenly flashed through my mind, like the wind gradually bringing warmth to my heart. I slowly lifted my face, staring blankly straight ahead with a weak smile, drawing emptiness in my eyes.


    When I was at this point, he was the only person who was always by my side, encouraging me with his various wise words as a just and prosperous person.


    If Daehyun were here, no one would have said such a cruel thing to me ¡ª no one would have dared to commit such an insult to me. He was like a human shield willing to be pierced by a spear just to protect a rusty silver which he considered the most precious metal.


    However, from all those sacrifices, he had to endure quite heavy hardships. He had sacrificed everything ¡ª even the dignity and self-conception of his life, and it was all because of me.


    Remembering him, I laughed stupidly. As long as I was with him, I kept trying to find back the feelings I had thrown away. However, no matter how deep I searched, I only found boundless void and darkness. So I gave up, hoping the time would find them.


    But, seemingly, until this second the time had given me nothing, I had not felt that feeling even in the slightest.


    In the freezing cold of the night, I had nowhere to stay. I looked at my trembling fingers, saw a different ring, and weakly clenched my fists tightly. I just remembered that I was no longer wearing our ring. I was really stupid.


    The wind blew with snowflake, froze my tears, then spread all over my body, making me shiver.


    However, what could I do? This city was too indifferent to other people''s conditions, so I could only smile, lamenting my fate. Frozen to the dead would be better with how I felt right now. I didn''t want to bring feelings of pain, regret, and sorrow, other than good memories for two people.


    However, when I thought more deeply, my heart had actually been frozen to death for a long time. Not because of the cold winter air, but the amount of unbearable pain in it.


    "Mr. Park?!"


    A familiar voice suddenly sounded from a distance.


    I immediately turned weakly and saw Hoonsik walking towards me in a hurry.


    Hoonsik dropped the two white plastics in his hands and crouched down. There was obvious concern in his voice, "Mr. Park, why are you sitting out here? The weather is very bad today. You must come inside immediately."


    He grabbed my arm, trying to help me up, but I didn''t move an inch. I felt my lower body go numb.


    Hoonsik said again very anxiously as he took off his coat and covered my cold body, "Mr. Park, let''s go inside. It''s cold out here."


    I tried to smile, but my lips felt frozen, so I just opened my mouth slightly and said in a whisper, "I can''t. Sunyeon won''t let me in."


    "What?!" Hoonsik was suddenly surprised. There was a clear look of anger on his face. "Who does he think he is?!"


    Finishing his words, he immediately stood up and was about to walk in, but I weakly pinched the sleeves of his shirt so he crouched down in front of me again.


    He sighed, then said, "He doesn''t have that kind of authority. Let alone you, you are an important person for Mr. Lee, and I won''t let anyone treat you like this."


    I was stunned when I heard those words.


    Hoonsik reached out and added, "Come here, Mr. Park. Let me help you. I will take you in. During Mr. Lee''s life, he wanted to see you, he will be delighted this time."


    I shook my head weakly and pulled my hand and put them to my chest. "I''ve seen him for a while. That''s enough." With a pause, I asked, "And now, may I ask you a favor?"

 Chapter 173 - Coming Home

    "Sure!" Hoonsik answered with certainty, and smiled, "Mr. Park, I am still Mr. Lee''s confidant at this time. I serve him as well as you, so there is no reason for me to refuse your request or I will be ashamed for the rest of my life."


    Hearing Hoonsik spoke sincerely like that, I smiled weakly and replied, "Then take me back to my home."


    Hoonsik was silent for a moment before nodding with a smile. "Sure, sir. I''ll take you there."


    After that, he immediately helped me to stand up. He asked to make sure, "Can you walk, sir?"


    I nodded weakly. Then, we immediately headed for the car parked not far from here.


    But, before Hoonsik opened the car door for me, a big black man who took Daehyun away a moment ago came up to us, and asked in a deep voice, "Are you Park Chunghee?"


    Hoonsik was introspective. He immediately stood in front of me and asked the big man, "Excuse me, can I help you, sir?"


    "I am a subordinate in the Kim Family. Mr. Kim asked me to take Mr. Park to his house in Busan." The big black man glanced at me, he said, "Mr. Kim wants you to wait there because, for the next few days, Mr. Kim has to be at the Main House for some business. I have also been ordered to watch over you and attend to your needs. So if you need something, please ask me directly, sir."


    "No need. I don''t want to." I sighed heavily, saying to decline, "Tell him I''ll be staying in my own house. I''m so exhausted tonight anyway, I can''t make the trip there."


    "Mr. Park, this is a direct order from Mr. Kim. I can''t deny it or else I''ll get in trouble."


    "So tell him if it''s me who want it and you won''t get in any trouble. He won''t be mad. I can guarantee that."


    "Yeah, right," Hoonsik cut in, and added, "Tell Mr. Kim too, that Mr. Lee''s confidant, Secretary Yoon Hoonsik, is with Mr. Park right now, so there won''t be any problems."


    The big black man thought for a moment before finally making up his mind, "Alright then. I''ll talk to Mr. Kim." He bowed, then continued, "Then I''ll excuse myself."


    A few seconds after the big black man left, Hoonsik opened the door for me and I quickly got inside followed by him. The car immediately drove through the cold and dark air.


    The heater in this car was barely felt at all because the air was so cold tonight, but not as cold as my heart right now.


    The cold air outside entered through the windows of the car. Even the cold wind seemed to freeze our trip even though the heater was turned on to almost maximum limit, making me shiver several times in silence.


    Now, Hoonsik was driving very carefully, as he had always done before. As someone loyal to his superiors, he had never violated the rules regarding driving limits other than that was an order.


    "Mr. Park, are you cold?" Hoonsik asked in between the silence.


    There was a pause before I answered curtly, "No, I''m not."


    Hoonsik didn''t respond. But, I knew that he knew I was lying right now, but he didn''t say anything.


    I leaned my forehead against the window and continued to stare out blankly as if I had lost my zest for life. I looked at the glamorous Seoul City with the skyscrapers and luxury cars, which had long since I lost the images in my eyes, and were now re-engraved in my head with hasty. It seemed to force my head to remember the many things that had happened in this city, and it was so painful for my hurt feelings.


    At first, I didn''t intend to have a conversation and choose to enjoy my sorrow in the silence. However, something on my mind was so disturbing, that I couldn''t help but talk.


    I lifted my head, turned to Hoonsik in the driver''s seat, then said, "Hoonsik, tell me ... tell me everything ... I want to know it clearly."


    My voice sounded hoarse because I had been holding in too many sobs. Every word that came out seemed to tear my throat mercilessly.


    "Tell you what, sir? What do you want to know?" Hoonsik asked in confusion.


    Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. "Why would Donghwa do this ...." I paused all of a sudden, thinking that it wasn''t the real question, so I changed the question, "I mean, how could Donghwa do this?"


    There was a long pause in silence before Hoonsik spoke, "Tomorrow. Tomorrow, I will tell what you want to know."


    "But, I want to hear it right now."


    "No, sir. You should rest as soon as you have dinner when we arrive. And I have to go get some files that I left at the company. After that, I will accompany you there."


    "Then, start telling me everything from now on so as not to waste time any longer."


    "No, sir. This is not the right time to tell you." Hoonsik was heard sighing heavily, then added, "You better get some rest now. I''ll wake you up when we get there."


    Hoonsik spoke as if he was hiding something, or he just didn''t want to make me feel more painful? I really couldn''t guess the meaning of the words "this is not the right time" he just said.


    However, in any case, even though the curiosity was popping in my mind, I should try to hold it in until tomorrow. It wasn''t something I could force, so I could only remain silent in agreement.


    "Um..." A second later, Hoonsik asked again, "What about Mr. Kim? Why isn''t Mr. Kim with you right now?"


    I was stunned for a moment, then turned to the rearview mirror of the car, seeing Hoonsik''s eyes which kept focusing on the road ahead, but showed something mysterious in his eyes.


    "He has to go. He has something to do now," I replied.


    From the rearview mirror, Hoonsik''s eyes smiled after hearing my answer, "Oh, Mr. Kim has always taken care of you all this time, so it''s weird when he''s not with you." With a pause, he continued, "I think, Mr. Kim doesn''t have that kind of gentle side in him. Judging by many things in the company, people just get the impression of ''a cold man who is too powerful and harsh''. Mr. Kim barely even smiles all the time."


    "They just don''t know him well enough yet," I replied as if I already knew what the real Daehyun was.


    After the words, we fell silent and spent some time in silence.


    A few minutes later, we arrived.


    The majestic building stood firmly in front of my eyes. Even though it had only been two months since I left this place, it felt like years.


    But, what hurts me the most, was I never thought that I would go home feeling this miserable without a glimmer of happiness in my heart.


    This wasn''t something I planned before.


    Hoonsik walked me to the door of the apartment, smiling kindly and respectfully as he handed me a white plastic bag he was carrying, "Mr. Park, here, you must not have had dinner, right? Earlier, Mr. Cho asked me to buy beef bone soup. You can take this. I can buy a new one for him."


    Staring at this offered plastic in silence, suddenly tears rolled down my face again without me knowing it. I covered my mouth and cried, holding back my voice as I recalled the last message of Donghwa that he sent on the day we parted: "It''s snowing. Don''t you like to eat beef bone soup in winter? I''ll make it for you".


    That day, I ignored him without a single regret. However, in the future, there will be no more ''beef bone soup day'' for us the next winter.


    Do I regret it?


    I thought I might have regretted it too much. I didn''t think that it would be his last offer to me.


    "Mr. Park, what''s wrong?" Hoonsik asked worriedly.


    I quickly wiped my tears with the back of my hand, then smiled weakly and shook my head slowly, without saying a word.


    "Mr. Park, are you all right?" Hoonsik asked once again.


    I forced a smile, replying, "It''s okay. I''m all right. I just remembered something."


    "Then, I''ll accompany you here. I''ll pick up the files tomorrow morning."


    I tried to hold back my tears. Still smiling weakly, I spoke, "Hoonsik, thank you. You''d better go home. Your wife will be waiting for you. Don''t make your family wait for you any longer."


    After all, waiting for someone was the worst thing I had ever felt. Even if I could endure, still, my feelings couldn''t lie to me.


    So, not wanting others to feel the same way, I asked Hoonsik to go home to his family immediately instead of him having to be here accompanying me.


    "But¡ª"


    Before Hoonsik could say his words, I immediately cut in, "Go home. Get the files at your office, then go home to your family. I''ll be fine here. Besides, I need space, so it''d be better if you left."


    Hoonsik thought for a moment before he said once again, "Then take this soup, sir. You must eat before you rest."


    I smiled. "I''m not hungry. You''ve had a tiring day, just leave now. Don''t mind me."

 Chapter 174 - Good Things Became Bad

    Yoon Hoonsik insisted, "It''s okay, sir. I can buy a new one."


    "Hoonsik...." This time, there was a firmness in my voice, "Go. Sunyeon asked you to buy it, didn''t he? Bring it to him immediately or he will be mad at you if you are late. Don''t mind me. I''ll be fine. So, see you tomorrow."


    Not wanting to hear any response from him, I immediately closed the door with a loud voice. Unable to take it anymore, I slumped to the floor and continued to cry.


    In the gloomy darkness, it was like in the past where I kept waiting for him to return for days, weeks, months, without any news. Very painful. However, when I realized that even waiting for him for years, he would never come back even if it drained all the tears I had. It hurt more than any pain.


    Slowly I stood on my shaking knees, stared blankly at the clock on the wall, showed 11:30 p.m, then got in the bedroom.


    I stopped in the doorway, frozen for a moment. It was the first time I had seen this room again after a long separation. Nothing had changed, even the clock on the table and the books on the shelf were still in the same position before I left them.


    However, this room was a bit messy, except for the place where I used to lay down ¡ª even it was very tidy as if it had never been touched and was clean.


    Seeing this, I immediately realized how Donghwa took such good care of my bed. He probably thought that I would come back to him, so he always looked after my bed as he expected me to come home.


    I remembered that I had promised myself that I would never return to this city. And now, I never thought that I would break my own words when Donghwa was no longer here.


    Still with bitter tears in my eyes, without turning on the light, I walked towards the bed and lay down on it. In this dark room with silence, I was covered in gloomy darkness.


    Gripping the blanket tightly, my tears flowed even harder. Even though I tried hard to close my eyes, not to cry, my tears still uncontrollably, and kept flowing and falling on the pillow. All of these events pierced my broken heart!


    Tired of everything that had happened tonight, I forced myself to sleep with pain in my chest, trying to calm myself down. However, no matter how hard I tried, still, I couldn''t do it.


    I had been having insomnia lately. Also, the unexpected incident that just happened, made me feel not sleepy at all. It was very difficult to close my eyes while continuing to endure the pain in my heart and throughout my body.


    However, as soon as my hand reached out to Donghwa''s bed to pick up the pillow, I accidentally touched an object under the blanket. So, curiously I took it out and found a box of medicinal pills with a few pills still in it.


    Turning on the nightlamp, I squinted to read the small print on the indication.


    This was a sleeping pill.


    During I lived here, I had never taken pills to give a drowsy sensation even though I had trouble sleeping. So, it was easy to conclude that it was Donghwa who took this pill.


    He usually never took medicine because he usually fell asleep very easily, and I was sure he had been taking this while I wasn''t here with him anymore.


    I didn''t know what he had been through all this time. I also didn''t know how he had been feeling lately. However, from what was now, I was sure that he had gone through tough days.


    When he came to see me in Sokcho, he said that his days were very difficult. But, I didn''t care. I thought that he was able to go through all that. However, in reality, he was very weak. He really couldn''t do anything without me.


    I cursed inside, "I told you not to make me disappointed again. But, what? You don''t even want to listen to me ...."


    "I''m tired of dealing with your attitude, so I said that to you because I was at my limit. But, you just ignored it. And now, you still burden me with this pain."


    "I''m angry ... furious ... but I can''t hate you ...."


    How could I hate him?


    He cheated on me, I should have hated him since I found out he was cheating on me. But, I even stupidly remained silent. I even still loved him and my feelings since the beginning had never changed at all.


    It''s not that I didn''t care about his behavior. Every day for three years, I kept trying to avoid arguing with him because I knew that if I had kept demanding justice from him, what was happening between us now, would have happened earlier. I might have filed for divorce and ran away three years ago.


    I was just buying time for him to admit he was wrong or at the very least, to change his attitude. But, I couldn''t believe he would stick with how he behaved and I would stay any longer for him.


    He accused me of having an affair. I couldn''t tolerate that. But, what could I do? Breaking up with him was difficult.


    Until one day, I finally had a reason to run away even though it felt as heavy as holding the world and all the bad things in it over my head.


    Heh, our life journey was like a comedy stage.


    When we were twenty-two to twenty-six, we were both divinely blessed. At the age of twenty-seven, I found him sleeping with several women, but I didn''t say anything. Now, entering the new year, we were both thirty-three years old.


    Yeah, thirty-three years ... but we had not had much good in these three years. The divine blessing of many years ago was now the worst curse.


    However, in the end, I chose to be cursed with him. And now, one of us wasn''t long-living, while the other was dying, and soon, he would follow the person who made him miserable into the afterlife.


    Yeah, he was poisoned me. I felt that my mind was filled with aphrodisiacs. But, I didn''t die because of it, even lived longer for him.


    Thinking of this, I smiled bitterly. I opened the pillbox and took out two pills. I was stunned for a moment before finally popping it in my mouth.


    It tasted bitter, very bitter. However, I had been through a lot of bitterness over the past three years, so even without water, how bitter this medicine was I would be easy to swallow.


    After that, I put the pill near the nightlamp and started to close my eyes. However, the medicine didn''t even react. I still didn''t feel sleepy and it just gave me a headache.


    For two hours, I felt so miserable. Having trouble sleeping made me feel restless all the time. Until finally, I could sleep at dawn.


    When I woke up, the first thing that went through my head was what happened last night. It was like a nightmare, even worse than that. What happened last night was the truth that had happened, both the news ¡ª what I witnessed ¡ª all the sadness ¡ª they were really real and hurtful. Even I could still feel them in my chest and bones.


    All of that made me want to cry right now, but I held it in with great strength.


    I always wanted to cry, even if I saw things that had nothing to do with my sadness, I still felt like crying for anything.


    But, I was tired, exhausted even though I had slept. And it made me suffer a lot.


    Two months I ran away, but all I got was sadness. During that time, I kept trying hard to smile because I didn''t want to worry about someone who had sacrificed a lot for me.


    For three years I suffered because my lover cheated on me, and for two months I suffered because of him too. However, just imagine how difficult it was to hide the suffering.


    Now, I was sick, could I still show a smile?


    Even how hard I tried to lift a corner of my lips, only ended up frowning. I guessed I couldn''t pretend to be okay anymore.


    Stunned for a moment, I immediately shifted my body to get up from the bed. However, when my feet had just landed on the cold floor, a pain in my head suddenly felt. I gripped my hair tightly and couldn''t help but wince in pain.


    While holding the pain in my head, I tried to maintain my senses, and trying to stand up, walked towards the cupboard where I had put my medicine.


    However, it was just futility. My legs didn''t have much strength to support my body any longer, so I fell with a loud thud. My body hit the floor hard enough, the sound could make people think that my body had been crushed, but because of the headache I had right now, then I didn''t even feel any pain in my body at all.


    In the end, I could only lay down weakly on the floor and endure the pain.


    Cold ... as if the cold floor fused with my dead feelings ....

 Chapter 175 - A Guest Who Had No Manners

    Laying weakly on the floor, I could only endure the pain in silence. More and more, my whole body was already in so much pain, I could no longer make a voice other than tears occasionally dripping in the corner of my eyes.


    Even though I wanted to scream for help, I thought it was pointless. Not only to scream for help, but it was also already hard for me to breathe. Even if I could do it, no matter how hard I screamed, no one would be able to hear the screams of pain from someone in this room.


    I had neighbors, but we seldom greeted each other. By just knowing their names, I didn''t remember if I ever asked theirs, let alone greet each other. We just passed each other briefly and smiled at each other when we were in the mood. Besides, we would be strangers.


    The neighbors were swamped with their own business, even all the residents in this building would never even care if you died. So, asking for their help was a bad hope for life.


    I kept forcing my eyes open to stay awake. I was afraid that if I closed my eyes, today would be the last time I saw the world.


    Staring at the ceiling with foggy eyes, my mind started to wander. Stunning memories that had been recorded seemed to be broken tapes that displayed things that were not clear.


    In the midst of the pain I was feeling, I realized that Daehyun wouldn''t return for the next few days either, and thought that I would die alone as Donghwa had.


    I suddenly remembered what Donghwa said ten years ago when I told him that this romance was a mistake: "I''m not afraid. If God punishes you, then God will punish me too. If God makes you happy, so do I. This is fate. Our fate. God gives us the same feelings. If our love was a mistake, you are not alone. I also bear the same guilt as you. And, do you still want to be with me even though you know that this is a mistake?" Words were even spoken by a young man who had just graduated from university.


    I didn''t beat around the bush and immediately agreed with the words.


    However, now, the curse of the words cost us both bad luck. I was so scared.


    Ten years ago, the words sounded wonderful. However, ten years later, they sounded terrible.


    Now, Donghwa gave up and left me first. So, right now, there was only me, who had to grapple with suffering by myself. We could no longer share the burdens of life and pain so I had to bear it all until the end.


    At this second, I smiled, thinking that Donghwa was so cruel to do this to me. He said he wouldn''t make me suffer, but in the end, he gave me more suffering than before.


    He thought by committing suicide, he had done it all. He thought he couldn''t bear anything anymore. But, didn''t he think about the people he left behind? He probably also thought that he would just leave a name, but he didn''t think about how those who loved him would feel.


    That''s cruel!


    I once asked him to live with the boy. The young man was still young and strong, still able to take care of himself with his carelessness. But, that didn''t mean I let my him be happy with someone else. I just wanted him to live until I died. I just didn''t want to tell him directly, "Stay alive as long as I''m alive. And after I die, do whatever you want."


    I wished him happiness, but I never wished him to be happier than when he was with me.


    It was selfish.


    But, who wouldn''t be selfish when he found out his husband was having an affair?


    I had just been good enough for letting my husband cheat on me for years.


    Ridiculous.


    I found all of this very ridiculous.


    Me, him, our relationship, it''s all ridiculous.


    I was stupid because I only realized it when I was helpless.


    Now, when I wanted to laugh it all off, I couldn''t anymore.


    I could only hope to get a second chance one day so I could vent my anger on him. And on that occasion, I wouldn''t hold back from venting all my emotions on him.


    At first, I almost lost consciousness, but because I kept on suggesting myself stay awake, I was able to endure until the end, until the pain gradually subsided.


    As soon as the pain subsided, I got up and leaned against the side of the bed. I caught my breath, and glanced at the clock on the bedside table, it was 9 in the morning.


    I didn''t know how long I struggled to endure the pain, it felt so long like all day. All I knew was, I thought I was going to die today.


    This illness was like playing tricks on me. Appeared unpredictably with excruciating pain, then disappeared as if I was grateful that I felt better already?


    If I had to die, why I had to wait any longer?


    After feeling better, I slowly stood up carefully. When I was about to walk out into the living room, I suddenly felt nauseous. While covering my mouth so as not to vomit something at any time, I turned around, then trying to drag myself to the toilet as soon as possible.


    In the toilet, I immediately knelt and vomited the remaining food that had not been digested by my stomach until there was nothing left but bitter gastric acid.


    After feeling better, I washed my face in the sink. However, by accident, I saw two medicine boxes. One was the medicine I had ever taken, while the other was the medicine I had never seen before. But, judging from the dosage, this was a prescription drug.


    I stared at the medicine for a long time in surprise. All this time, I had always hidden my medicine from Donghwa, but why would it be here? Then, the other medicine, whose medicine is? Did Donghwa take this medicine? Is he sick?


    I kept asking in my mind and was in a daze for a while before the sound of something falling in the living room brought me to my senses. I looked behind, wondering who had entered the house secretly.


    I carefully stepped out of the bathroom.


    As soon as I was about to step out of the bedroom, I stopped, hesitated for a moment, before finally walking out.


    However, who I saw now, who was standing in the living room by holding a cracked flower vase, immediately surprised me. I widened my eyes and froze without taking my eyes off.


    It was Cho Sunyeon. I didn''t think he would be here. In my house? Seriously?!


    By the look on his face, he also looked surprised when he saw me. He probably thought that I wasn''t here, so he entered without my permission as if he thought this house already belonged to him?


    He then put the vase back on the table, then looked at me without saying a word. But, the look in his eyes didn''t change at all. It was still the same as when he saw me last night.


    I tried to calm down even though I really wanted to kick him out of my house right now.


    Taking a deep breath, I slowly walked towards the sofa and sat there, while Sunyeon kept watching me expressionlessly.


    After sitting down, I asked in a weak voice, "What are you doing here?"


    However, he didn''t answer other than his gaze getting sharper, emitting an air of hostility.


    So I calmly asked again, "What do you want?"


    Finally, Sunyeon''s face turned irritated. He might be offended by my question but he still had not said a word.


    I leaned back weakly against the sofa, holding my aching right stomach, then said, "What else do you want here? What are you looking for? Donghwa is gone. Do you want his money? If you really want his money, how much do you want? I can ask Hoonsik to transfer the money to you."


    But instead of answering what I had asked before, he asked me back in a cold tone, "Why are you here? Shouldn''t you be at Kim''s house by now?"


    I smirked. He was quite presumptuous. After all, a guest was unworthy of asking such a host. But, this kid really had no manners. He even asked the questions as if I shouldn''t be here.


    However, I didn''t want to get emotional, and replied calmly, "Why are you asking that? I should be the one asking you that. This is my house, you know. Do I need to show the ownership document? It even says my name, not Donghwa''s name. It was him who asked me to write my name on it. So if you want this house too, wait until I die. That is if I''m being kind enough."

 Chapter 176 - Donghwas Personal Stuff

    Sunyeon rolled his eyes, looking displeased with what I just said.


    However, instead of feeling guilty for breaking into someone''s house without their permission, he said something really hurtful.


    "You look sick. No wonder he always came to me to make him satisfied. If you didn''t pretend to run away from him, maybe none of this would have happened," Sunyeon said cruelly.


    I stared at this shameless young man for a long time before finally, I tried hard to get up from the sofa and get into the bedroom.


    In here, I opened the wardrobe and started looking for the piece of paper I had tucked between the folds of clothes. After finding what I was looking for, I immediately hobbled out to meet Sunyeon.


    Standing right in front of him, I threw the diagnostic paper right at Sunyeon''s face. I glared at him angrily, yelling, "I really am sick! And I didn''t pretend to run away from him!"


    Sunyeon slowly bent down to pick up the paper that had fallen on the floor. He stared at it for a moment and a faint look of surprise revealed on his face.


    Exhaling silently, I said once again, "You may think that I''ve only just found out about your closeness with him, but it''s actually been a long time ago. But, I just kept quiet. If only I wanted to get angry and scold you like people generally do when they found out their partner was having an affair, I''ve been doing it for a long time ago."


    I really didn''t want to bring this up again. However, since this kid had gone too far and on top of that, I, who had wanted to say so many things to him couldn''t help but say everything.


    "You''ve been here before, haven''t you? If I wanted to vent my anger, I would have vented it back then to you. But I''d rather be silent and pretend to be blind." Paused, I chuckled a little before continuing, "But, when we met at the airport, I gave you a chance to be with him. I''m sure you put a lot of effort into persuading him to come back to you, right? And did he come back to you? No, right? So, who do you think is¡ª"


    "Shut up! I came here to look for Hoonsik, not to hear your speech!"


    Sunyeon had been holding back his emotions for a long time. However, once he heard my words, it might make him realize the truth, while he couldn''t face the truth so he hastily cut off my words.


    However, as soon as he said that, I immediately gave him a hard slap in the face!


    "I''ve wanted to do that to you for a long time, you know. And now, please, get out of my house."


    Even though I was angry, I tried to say my words politely. After all, I had to maintain my dignity in front of someone like him. I said again, "Hoonsik isn''t here. So, now, please get out of here."


    Sunyeon''s eyes filled with tears after getting a hard slap in the face. He looked at me with eyes filled with many emotions, then quickly left this place without a word.


    I fell silent as soon as the door closed. In the mid of this empty room as if there was a lot of applause that ended my success because it had taught my lover''s affair a lesson.


    But, I didn''t feel happy at all apart from feeling guilty. I felt that I had been too cruel to him. I shouldn''t blame him but I couldn''t feel sorry either. He deserved it!


    After a few seconds, I slowly walked towards the sofa and sat hugging my knees on the sofa.


    In this room, I purposely didn''t turn on the light, letting some light get in through the window through the white curtains that hadn''t been opened.


    The darkness in this room was how I felt right now. I seemed to have lost light, and circumstances no longer attracted me to any single point of light as if letting my soul sink into the darkness filled with despair and pain within.


    I wasn''t enjoying it, but just punishing myself.


    Amid my feelings, I kept wondering in my mind why Sunyeon was looking for Hoonsik here. I kept thinking about it but couldn''t find the answer.


    Until suddenly the doorbells rang in stillness as if pulling my soul back from misery. I stared at the door in amazement and thought that no one would visit this place.


    All of Donghwa''s colleagues must have known about Donghwa''s death news, and they must also think that no one was here. I thought that there wouldn''t be someone who would come by pressing the bell-like that ¡­ it ¡­ sounded like someone had found out that someone was in this place.


    But, who?


    It couldn''t be the reporters. After all, if it was a reporter, what was he looking for here?


    Or, could it be Daehyun?


    At first, I was sure it was Daehyun. But, as soon as I thought about the words of one of his men that Daehyun wouldn''t return in a few days, I gradually became doubtful.


    I suddenly thought of Hoonsik. Now, I was sure that it must be Hoonsik because he said last night that he would come today. That''s probably also why Sunyeon came looking for him here.


    I slowly stood up and walked towards the door. However, when the door opened, the big black man last night was standing in front of the door with a plastic bag of food in his hand. He didn''t smile, kept his face straight, and spoke, "Mr. Park, I brought you breakfast."


    Handing me the plastic bag of food, I was silent for a moment. At first, I just stared at the plastic food for a long time, but in the end, took it. "Thank you."


    "You''re welcome, sir."


    Even though this big man looked grim, his words sounded polite.


    After that, I then closed the door.


    Turning on the light, I went to the dining table and put the plastic food on it. This was a bowl of rice porridge that was still warm. It seemed the black man just bought it and immediately brought it for me.


    However, even though I felt hungry in the stomach, I wasn''t at all interested in eating it even if it was only a spoonful. How could I possibly eat it in this place?


    I was about to throw it away, but when I remembered that this person was Daehyun''s man, it would be a shame to just waste it. So, I put the food back on the table. I looked at the porridge, reluctant to eat it.


    But, moments later, I decided to take only one bite, then stopped.


    Sitting for a long time, I slowly lifted my gaze and swept my gaze around the room with weak eyes filled with pain.


    Every time I stared at a spot in this room, Donghwa''s figure was reflected in the ruins of my memory. I was sure, I was hallucinating and smiling in this bitterness.


    All the events of the past from the very beginning of occupying this house to our breaking up; all the fun and painful things we had been through; laugh and cry that we had ever felt; everything played like a documentary in my head.


    I looked straight ahead and immediately saw the shadow of Donghwa smiling at me. I smiled ironically.


    In the past, we always ate together at this dining table, and he would always smile like that. However, that familiar smile didn''t last until the end.


    Until when he started to change, the atmosphere at the dining table also completely changed without a single joy.


    The food I always ate with him used to taste really good, but being alone lately, it tasted like rotten food for days.


    Recalling everything, it was like a bayonet slashing through my chest, right through my ribs. It hurt. I couldn''t help but cry over all the sweet and bitter memories of our relationship.


    Until the doorbell rang once and immediately the memories were shattered. I stared blankly at the door, and the sound of the next doorbell immediately woke me up. I immediately stood up and walked to the door to open it.


    It was Hoonsik. He seemed to be carrying quite a few things. There was a plastic bag, a medium-sized square box, and a bouquet of colorful carnations, looking so beautiful.


    I froze for a moment before weakly asking him to come inside.


    We sat in the living room. Hoonsik put the square box on his lap and put the other things on the table. Then, he handed me the black square box while speaking in a low voice, "Mr. Park, these are Mr. Lee''s personal stuffs."


    Hearing the phrase regarding "personal stuffs", I was stunned in silence. Taking a deep breath, I grabbed it very slowly, then carefully opened it.


    Inside the box were a silver watch that he often wore, his cell phone, and a wallet. Looking at them, was indeed Donghwa''s personal belongings.


    I tried to be strong to accept Donghwa''s death, but as soon as I saw these things again, unwillingness gradually rose in my heart. I really couldn''t accept this harsh reality completely.


    I can''t ....


    I''m not strong enough ....

 Chapter 177 - Yoon Hoonsik Told Me Everything (1)

    I took the silver watch that was in the box and looked at it with a weak smile that was painstakingly indescribable. This was the watch I gave him on his twenty-eighth birthday, that was four years ago. Since then, he always wears it, even almost every day when he went to work.


    Amid these memories, I suddenly remembered something, so I asked, "Sunyeon came here just now. He was looking for you. What''s wrong?"


    "He came here?" Hoonsik was surprised to hear that. He took a deep breath, then said, "He must just want to ask Mr. Lee''s personal stuff. He told me before, he wants to keep some."


    I was stunned without a word.


    That second, with a heavy heart Hoonsik revealed, "Sir, Mr. Lee''s body was cremated about an hour ago. I came to take you to the crematorium, but you didn''t open the door. So, I went alone."


    I smiled bitterly. "I can''t possibly see his body turning to ashes. Just hearing it, I can''t stand it."


    Hoonsik seemed to understand. He was silent for a moment before he handed me the bouquet, saying, "Then, here, for you, sir."


    "For me?" I looked at Hoonsik and the bouquet took turns before accepting it. I asked, "Why did you give it to me? From whom?"


    At first, he looked doubtful, but in the end, he said, "From Mr. Lee, sir."


    I frowned, surprised. "What do you mean?"


    Hoonsik explained, "The day before Mr. Lee died, he asked me to order flowers for you. He said you would definitely come back for him, so he wanted to give you a bouquet."


    I suddenly became dazed. I stared at the flower for a while before a fold of paper tucked between the flowers made me wake up. I pulled out the paper, opened it, then carefully read a sentence inside.


    "Chunghee, welcome home."


    My heart broke when I read it. I took a deep breath, trying not to cry, and asked in a trembling voice, "Did he write this? Hoonsik, explain to me, I''m confused."


    "Yes, sir." Hoonsik explained, "When he asked me to order flowers, he wants me to put this paper inside and give it when you return. And..."


    "Enough. Now, I see," I immediately cut off Hoonsik''s words, "He had planned this from the start ...."


    Hoonsik was stunned for a moment, saying, "I''m sorry, sir. I''m sorry for Mr. Lee."


    No matter how hard I tried to hold back my tears, still, it was beyond my control. I couldn''t believe he did this just for me to come home.


    Hoonsik tried to calm me down. But, maybe because he didn''t know what words to comfort me either, so he just kept saying, "It''s okay."


    Wiping away my tears, I put the things on the table, and said, "This all makes me feel more sorrow. You shouldn''t have given all this to me. I can''t see them."


    "But, I don''t know who to give this to, sir."


    I was stunned for a moment, then said firmly, "Give that to Sunyeon if he wants it. I can''t keep them."


    "But¡ª"


    "Now," before Hoonsik could say anything, I cut in, "Tell me, why did you let Donghwa act stupid like this?."


    "I have no idea, sir!" Hoonsik emphasized, "He looked fine that time, he didn''t even look depressed at all. I think he can let you go, so I also don''t ask anything."


    I was silent for a moment when I heard those words. After all, Hoonsik was definitely clueless. He just did his job and took orders. I couldn''t blame him.


    Feeling guilty, I apologized, "I''m sorry. I shouldn''t have said this."


    "It''s all right, sir."


    I forced a smile. "I saw the wound on his left wrist, did he kill himself in that way? He''s so stupid to let himself suffer like that ...," paused for a while, I asked, "Yunhee said, Donghwa regained consciousness for a moment, is that true?"


    Hoonsik lowered his gaze slightly, feeling doubtful. Then, after a conviction had arisen in his heart, he began to tell the truth.


    "That night, Mr. Lee forgot to take the documents in the car, so I rushed back here. I dialed his number several times and tried to call him, but there was no answer. At first, I thought he was asleep, so I was about to leave. But, somehow, at that time, I took the initiative to turn the doorknob to make sure it was locked. However, as soon as I turned it, it was unlocked, so I rushed to get in."


    "While inside, I called Mr. Lee, but still no answer. And when I saw the light on in the bedroom that wasn''t closed, I hesitantly went in. And ...." Hoonsik paused for a moment, he took a breath before continuing, "What I saw that night was truly horrifying. I found Mr. Lee already covered in blood in the bathtub. He hasn''t even changed his clothes yet."


    I was shocked to hear what Hoonsik just said and froze as if my body went numb. I was actually reluctant to hear that, but my lips couldn''t speak to ask Hoonsik to stop. So, it was as if I was forced to hear everything even if I were to fall to pieces.


    Hoonsik continued, "I rushed to check his pulse, and he was still alive. So, without wasting time, I immediately contacted the hospital. However, Mr. Lee''s condition is already very critical. Although he was conscious at that time, he has lost a lot of blood, plus the dose of medicine in his body is too high."


    "It was pure suicide. It was due to stress. The doctor assumed he was on a high dose of drugs before he slashed his wrist."


    Hoonsik was stunned for a moment. It seemed, that horrific scene was still lingering in his mind quite clearly, "It was really sad. Mr. Lee has really been through a lot of tough days lately, until he lost himself, and chose to take his life."


    I lowered my gaze and silently cried. However, apparently, Hoonsik noticed it and immediately exclaimed, "Ah, sir! I''m sorry, I''m sorry."


    Sobbing, I remembered the medicine I saw in the bathroom. No wondered why they were there, it turned out that Donghwa brought them there and took them all.


    At the same time, I asked, "I found two kinds of medicine in the bathroom. One is mine, and the other, is that Donghwa''s?"


    Hoonsik flinched slightly. There was a surprise in his eyes. He was silent for a while before he asked in surprise, "did Mr. Lee never tell you about his condition?"


    Hearing the question, I started to feel restless. I shook my head slowly, then asked Hoonsik to tell the truth.


    At first, Hoonsik was reluctant to say it, but in the end, he told me with a heavy heart. "Mr. Lee has a cardiac issue. The doctor said he drank too much alcohol."


    Instantly I froze and cursed with extreme sadness in my heart, ''I told you, stop drinking, but you don''t want to change your habits at all!''. Then, I asked Hoonsik in a hoarse voice as if my vocal cords were damaged, "So, So he took the medicine at once?


    Hoonsik didn''t respond. He was silent as if guilt was stuffing his mouth.

 Chapter 178 - Yoon Hoonsik Told Me Everything (2)

    I suddenly remembered everything.


    So, that''s why he was short of breath at that time ....


    So, that''s why he coughed up blood ....


    I saw him tormented before my eyes when we met for the last time in Sokcho. However, I never thought he would have this serious problem.


    Seeing me as if lost my soul, Hoonsik gently touched my arm, trying to calm me down.


    Suddenly a bitter smile appeared on my face. I looked at Hoonsik with eyes that had lost hope, and said four words very pitifully, "This is my fault."


    "It''s not your fault. Don''t blame yourself, sir," Hoonsik said sincerely.


    However, those words didn''t comfort me at all apart from adding to my suffering. I felt like my world had shattered and there was no place for me to live anymore.


    "Mr. Park," After a long time no one spoke to each other, Hoonsik suddenly said amidst my tears, "Do you remember the document I gave you a while ago? You have to sign it, sir. Mr. Lee wants you to use the money for medication."


    I replied in a weak voice as if there was regret that made it difficult for me to speak, "I''m going abroad with Daehyun. I don''t deserve to sign anything."


    "But, this is the wish of Mr. Lee, sir. You can''t ignore it," Hoonsik confirmed.


    I paused. I felt that I didn''t deserve anything from him, so I chose not to sign it. Yet, I knew that Hoonsik would definitely stick with his words, and would still force me to sign it. So I made a pact, "I''ll continue my medication. But someone has promised to fulfill it. So, just donate the money on behalf of both of us. It''s better than saving it for myself."


    Hoonsik looked at me with rejection in his eyes but he couldn''t say it, so he just stared at me without a word.


    Taking a deep breath, I said again, "I''m glad you came here and told me everything. This way, I know what I didn''t know before. So now, would you like to leave? I want to rest first. And, give Donghwa''s belongings to Sunyeon. I''m sure he can take care of them."


    Hoonsik opened his mouth, about to speak, but I didn''t let him by saying, "Please, leave. I want to rest first."


    Finishing my sentence, I stood up slowly, then walked towards the door, and opened it for Hoonsik to quickly leave this place ¡ª leaving me alone.


    Maybe this was a little too much when it came to kicking someone out. However, after the many things Hoonsik said today, I felt like I needed to be alone to calm my soul.


    Hoonsik was silent. Until finally, he sighed heavily, then picked the things, leaving the bouquet. He then walked towards the door taking them reluctantly and worriedly when he saw me.


    However, as he was about to pass me, he suddenly exclaimed, "Ah, I almost forgot!" He took something out of his pocket, said as he handed it to me, "Here, this letter was found on Mr. Lee''s desk. This is for you."


    I froze for a moment while staring at the letter, then grabbed it hesitantly. The letter was folded unkemptly but I hadn''t opened it yet and just continue to stare at it in silence.


    Until Hoonsik said again, "Go rest, sir. If you want to see Mr. Lee''s ashes, just call me using Mr. Lee''s cell phone. I will take you to the ashes house." Pausing for a moment, he added, "Then I''ll go first."


    I had not said a word until the end. I just kept staring at the letter in my hand nervously, then slowly closed the door.


    Taking a deep breath, I tried hard to keep myself from opening the letter now. So, I walked over to the table and looked at the bouquet on it.


    In this room, in this silence and painful sadness, I still forced a quivering smile on my lips, which could no longer show the tears and joy on my face. I then carried the bouquet to the bedroom.


    Sitting on the bed, I looked at the letter again and decided to read it. My heart was pounding as I opened the letter. And as soon as I saw the writing of the letter, grief-filled my heart again.


    It was obvious that this was Donghwa''s handwriting. The writing wasn''t neat but still legible. In the past, I used to make fun of how he wrote letter by letter, but now I felt I missed him so much.


    However, as I read the greetings in this letter, tears were already streaming down my face. But, I didn''t want to stop, and kept reading it until the end even though it hurt!


    My heart, which had been shattered into pieces before, was now in excruciating pain again, carried away by a torrent of sadness ¡ª even more pathetic than all these sadness.


    Honestly, this couldn''t be said "too painful", it was more than that!


    In this letter, there were feelings of pain and complaints that he said. It made me feel what he felt when he wrote all the words in it.


    Reading it all, made the guilt inside me stronger than ever. I wanted to die at this very second and erased all the painful memories that would only continue to make me cry and hurt. It was the cruelest torture that seemed to be made specially to punish me ...


    No ....


    But, to punish both of us ....


    Everything was like a crushing machine that had no sense of fatigue and pity!


    After reading it all, my body instantly went limp. I fell on the bed, laying limp helplessly.


    Now, it was like I had lost all my strength. I was even crying without tears anymore. Everything was too heavy to bear and too sad for a cry. I lost everything and accumulated a lot of pain. I was mentally dead and just waiting to die biologically.


    I didn''t think that I would be alone like this ....


    In my own house ....


    In the middle of the void, suddenly a faint shadow of Donghwa appeared and smiled, laying right in front of me, like a light in the darkness, which warmed me from the cold winter that felt endless.


    I smiled. Even though the figure was just a hallucination, it looked real and far more real than anything else.


    However, it also hit me at the same time and immediately woke me up. Now, I realized that we were both old men who were still crazy about each other, but never wanted to say it.


    ***


    (I will update Donghwa''s letter at the end! UwU)

 Chapter 179 - Kim Daehyun: Like An Outcast

    The hands of the clock kept spinning until the time was exactly noon. The time should have shown the scorching heat of the sun, but at the end of this winter in February, the weather was too extreme, so the sun kept hiding behind the clouds as if it was afraid to lose a speck of its light to welcome spring.


    All night without sleep and I had been sitting in the corner of the bed restlessly until now.


    After almost a night of being fumed, scolded, yelled at, beaten almost to death, now I ended up being locked up in my room. Refusing to eat and drink like a sulking kid, or I was? But, how could I do that when someone I left wasn''t doing well out there?


    Five times I tried to escape and five times I failed as if this place was a labyrinth with no way out.


    In the silence, suddenly heard the sound of the door being opened from outside. Without thinking, I jumped out of the bed and immediately ran towards the door, pushing a butler who was carrying food, scattering the food on the ground.


    In my head only the words: ''I have to go back to him!'', nothing else. That''s what kept me from giving up!


    However, after I almost arrived at the main door, the door immediately opened, showing a powerful man, stern, firm, and full of rules, also walking in and suddenly stopped walking when he saw me trying to run away once again.


    I stood frozen, instantly thinking that today my attempt had the same result, failed.


    The man had a cold expression on his face. Then he slowly walked towards me. And, once he was right in front of me, I could feel obviously how his aura of leadership oppressed me mentally. He said in a low voice that seemed cold, "Someone told me that you would take him (Chunghee) to France with you."


    Being asked such a question suddenly left me in a daze, standing frozen and wondering, what did I just hear?


    Kim Myungdae asked, "Why don''t you give up on a man? I know you love him, but does he love you too?"


    Hearing his words, I was instantly surprised and confused. It sounded like there was something wrong with him, but I didn''t dare comment.


    He said again, "Parents can sometimes hurt their children to teach them a lesson. But parents can''t see their children being hurt by others. I''m your parent. I also have that side. But, why, why do you even want to run away from me?"


    I was still stuck in confusion. No wind, no storm, the words sounded like a divine miracle. Even though my father said his words were still in his usual tone, they sounded strange. This was the first time he spoke to me like a real parent.


    Nevertheless, I couldn''t help but suspect.


    Kim Myungdae was manipulative and exploitative. I had been traped once and didn''t want to traped into it twice even in a different context.


    "Give up on your love affairs, son. Don''t make me become a cruel parent all the time."


    Finishing his words, I immediately lowered my eyes slightly. I knew what he meant, but I didn''t know why he said it.


    Finally, having made up my mind, I raised my eyes again, looking at him with certainty, saying, "Let me go today, please. I just want to help him. After that, we will live by ourselves."


    Kim Myungdae took a deep breath, then said as if he was tired, "How many times have I given you a chance? How many times have I threatened you?"


    After that, he started walking. I turned behind and was about to shout angrily at him for not giving me an answer, but after he stepped about four feet away from me, he said without stopping his steps, "Daehyun, I''m tired. Do as you please."


    His voice sounded desperate. It was the first time I had heard it like this.


    Does he have a problem?


    I felt guilty and worried. Rather than having to hear the words, I''d rather be beaten up by him. The words seem to have an indirect meaning with, ''Go away. You''re not my son anymore.''


    I was immediately struck by an extreme dilemma.


    Even though his words sounded like he was letting me go, for some reason I felt like I was being dumped, like an outcast.


    Staring at the door and my father''s back one after another, I finally decided to run outside, putting aside all the bad things that could happen if I left and quickly found a car to drive.


    Maybe this was the wrong way. But, hadn''t I taken the wrong way from the start? Why should I justify myself after I was already on the verge of the abyss of hell?


    I had been lost in my own feelings and would continue to be lost. I could only hope for a good day where I could fix everything.


    When I got there, the big man I ordered to watch over Chunghee was standing by the door. He greeted me warmly, but I ignored him.


    I rang the bell continuously without stopping but got no answer and there was only endless silence behind the door.


    At first, I thought that this noon Chunghee was still asleep. However, the worry in my chest kept pushing my other thoughts to think logically. If he fell asleep, the sound of the doorbell ringing loudly would wake anyone up, even his neighbors.


    Not getting any response, panic began to stir up unease in my chest, and it started to mess with my mind. Because of the growing concern, I asked the big man to break into the door immediately.


    As soon as the door opened, I immediately called out to Chunghee like a frightened person while continuing to walk in a hurry.


    The place I went straight to was his bedroom. However, what I saw there truly made me panic.


    As if being shocked by an automated external defibrillator, I immediately ran to the bed with my heart almost exploding in my chest.

 Chapter 180 - Kim Daehyun: He Finally Woke Up

    With trembling hands, I lifted Chunghee''s helpless body and rested his head in my arms very carefully. The first thing I did was check the pulse on his wrist. And, as soon as I could still feel his pulse, gratefully I almost cried.


    "Chunghee... hang on... I''ll take you to the hospital."


    Without lingering, I immediately covered his body with a blanket and took him to the hospital as soon as possible.


    At the hospital, Chunghee had just been transferred to the ICU (Intensive Care Unit). He wasn''t conscious yet. The doctor who treated him said that his condition was critical. So I stayed here waiting for him awake anxiously.


    Sitting on the chair limply, I kept staring at the letter from Donghwa ¡ª I found this when I took Chunghee to the hospital by accident. He held it and I only noticed it when a nurse was about to take him to the ER (Emergency Room).


    I thought this was the reason why Chunghee collapsed.


    I thought that Donghwa shouldn''t have to write anything for him. If he really loved him, he should have known that leaving things like this would only hurt the person he left behind.


    But, he had done it, and for what?


    I felt irritated, but it wasn''t allowed to curse the dead. So, I just folded the letter, placed it on the table with no intention of throwing it away.


    Holding Chunghee''s hand tightly, I looked at Chunghee''s quiet face and continued to wish him the best. Suddenly tears fell in the corners of his eyes, glistening in the light of the lamp, revealing a deep sadness on his face.


    It seemed he had been crying all day, his eyes were too swollen .¡­ he should have stopped crying over anything.


    I knew that losing someone important was the most painful thing in our lifetime. People who had never experienced it might laugh, thinking it was too much, while those who had been in the same situation would cry with him. This was the empathy of those who had been hurt.


    However, if one day I had to lose Chunghee, would I cry or even go crazy?


    For now, how much I loved him, my father even said that I was crazy and needed a mental hospital.


    Suddenly the door opened, a familiar man in a white coat walked in with a smile.


    "Long time no see, Mr. Kim."


    It''s Dr. Jeong. He looked at Chunghee for a while before sweeping away his eyes to me, saying, "Looks like Mr. Park''s condition is bad after a long time not seeing him. But, I think he is quite lucky, though. Without medicine and treatment, but he can still survive until now."


    I didn''t please hearing the words but I didn''t give any rebuttal. He just didn''t know how Chunghee fought the pain almost every day.


    Dr. Jeong said again, "The neurologist will be here soon. I will discuss whether or not to have surgery."


    Hearing about this, I, who was indifferent to Dr. Jeong''s presence previously, immediately lifted my face, asking seriously, "Why not just go for the surgery right away?"


    Dr. Jeong shook his head. He replied calmly, "There are many factors to consider. We couldn''t be careless because patient safety is paramount. And since this is brain surgery, the neurologist has more authority. Mr. Park has already taken a CT Scan, so the doctor only needs to analyze it to determine the point of removal of cancer cells, what percentage can be removed, and what the risk is."


    "What about chemotherapy or radiotherapy?" I almost yelled.


    "Sir, chemotherapy is very difficult to reach the head. It won''t be effective. Neither will radiotherapy. That''s why I suggested surgery first." Doctor Jeong took off his glasses, and smiled but expressed regret. He said, "Now, it''s in the final stages."


    Hearing this, my body instantly went limp. I looked at Dr. Jeong lifelessly, feeling that my hopes were dashed in an instant. I couldn''t say anything more. Dr. Jeong seemed to have just said to me, "Wait for a miracle even if the probability is only 0.001%."


    Dr. Jeong sighed heavily. "I have to go. In five minutes the Doctor will be here."


    I was still speechless; my mind was blank; my soul disappeared from my body.


    I didn''t know if I lived or died now. I didn''t even realize that Dr. Jeong had already left this room.


    Until Chunghee''s voice was heard, I was instantly surprised.


    "Where ... am ... I ...."


    I felt so grateful. I stroked his head gently, and said, "Hush, don''t talk just yet."


    Chunghee weakly turned his head sideways with great difficulty as if his collarbone was about to shatter. He then looked at me for a long time, until he said softly, "I can''t see ... your face clearly ... but, I can recognize your voice. You''re ... Daehyun...."


    I smiled. The simple words made my heart melt. How could I not, usually, he always thought of me as Donghwa. Now, as soon as I heard him say my name, I struggled to suppress the joy in my heart.


    "Thank God."


    "Daehyun, I thought you''d never come back. I thought we''d never meet again ...."


    "Shh ...." I gently caressed his lips and smiled, "I promised, didn''t I? But, still, I must apologize for making you wait so long ...."


    Chunhee smiled weakly. "This smell is familiar ... am I in the hospital?" he asked.


    I didn''t immediately give an answer. There''s a pause to think that I should have sent him to the hospital a long time ago. However, what could I do? He kept refusing.


    Then, I replied, "About two hours ago."


    "I feel like a dying person here ¡­ I feel ¡­ helpless ¡­."


    I could only respond to the words with a smile. I actually wanted to ask why he was lying unconscious on the bed, but immediately gave up after remembering the letter. So, I was about to ask him something else.


    However, as soon as I opened my mouth, Chunghee spoke first with pain as if his voice was coming out of his torn vocal cords, "Hoonsik brought Donghwa''s stuff after he was cremated. He shouldn''t have brought them to me ... that ... I can''t see them."


    He paused for a moment as if mustering up the strength to speak once more, "I feel guilty ...."


    "No, no, no." I replied disapprovingly, "It''s not your fault. Don''t blame yourself."


    As soon as I finished saying, a nurse came in. "Sir, Dr. Jeong would like to talk to you."


    After the nurse said that, she then immediately left. I smiled at Chunghee, saying, "Is it okay if I leave you for a minute?"


    "It''s okay."


    I showed him a button, then said again, "If you need anything while I''m not back yet, click this nurse call button, okay?"


    Chunghee nodded slightly. After that, I immediately stood up. I stared at him for a moment, not having the heart to leave him alone. However, since this matter was important, so I must leave immediately. Then, I walked out and rushed to Dr. Jeong''s office and kept hoping for the best.

 Chapter 181 - Kim Daehyun: It Was More Than Stressed

    Arriving at Dr. Jeong''s office, there wasn''t only Dr. Jeong over here. Now, he seemed with a doctor who was about forty to forty-five years old. They seemed to be talking about something but paused as soon as I entered the room.


    As soon as I sat down, Dr. Jeong immediately introduced the doctor, "This is Dr. Kang, a neurologist. We just discussed a few things. So, he will explain some important things to you, sir."


    I didn''t say anything but my eyes expressed impatience.


    I hoped there was some good news to put me at ease.


    Dr. Kang sat beside Dr. Jeong in front of me, he cleared his throat, "I''ve seen the CT scan of Mr. Park''s craniotomy (skull bone). When I observed the position of the cancer cells in Mr. Park''s head, it is in a very risky location¡ª"


    "Please, do something to save him, doc!" I immediately stood up while interrupting impatiently before the doctor finished his sentence, "Whatever the cost, I''ll take care of it all!"


    After all, I just wanted them to put all their skills and expertise in medicine to save Chunghee!


    "Um, Mr. Kim, please listen to Dr. Kang''s explanation first," Dr. Jeong said, trying to calm me down in a polite tone while asking me to sit back down.


    So, I tried to steady myself and sat back down to listen to the explanation from the doctor named Dr. Kang.


    Dr. Kang explained again quietly, "The cancer cells grow in a location that is difficult to reach. If surgery is done, then only 30% - 40% will be removed and the rest, we can only hope that chemotherapy and radiotherapy will inhibit the growth of remaining cancer."


    "Doc, please, do your best," I begged, "If it''s 30% - 40%, it''s not even half. I don''t really know much about surgery, but isn''t that percentage quite a bit?"


    Dr. Kang took a deep breath. "That''s just a possibility, sir. We will definitely do our best to remove as many cells as we can. The rest will be chemotherapy and radiotherapy. That will be done by Dr. Jeong by post-surgery."


    "So, after the surgery, will he be able to recover totally with the follow-up treatment?" I asked curiously.


    "Um ...," Dr. Jeong interjected, "Glioblastoma is malignant cancer. It also spreads very quickly because this type of cancer can supply its own blood. I''m sorry to say this but, a person who is suffering from Glioblastoma has [1] a poor prognosis. And also, basically, Glioblastoma treatment aims to retard and control its growth, not to cure it. So, I can''t guarantee if he can totally recovery with the medication."


    Dr. Jeong paused, glanced at Dr. Kang took a moment before continuing, "Plus, since Mr. Park hasn''t had any treatment so far, now, after having a medical check, cancer has invaded his spinal cord."


    My eyes immediately widened open after hearing his explanation. I froze, speechless for a moment, before frantically asking Dr. Jeong, "But, didn''t he always collect medicine from you before?"


    "Yes, but the medicines are only to reduce symptoms and pain, not to inhibit the growth of cancer cells in his head, sir," Dr. Jeong replied.


    I instantly went limp after knowing that. Taking a breath to make myself relax, now I started cursing inside.


    I didn''t know why you could allow yourself to suffer all this time instead of you having to take treatment.


    I didn''t know ....


    I was angry ....


    Furious ....


    But, I couldn''t rebuke him even if I wanted to ....


    Dr. Kang suddenly made a voice, "Besides, even if we have a craniotomy surgery, we should also immediately do a spinal cord transplant for him. Otherwise¡ª"


    "Just do it, doc!" I yelled.


    "We will, but it''s very difficult to find anyone willing to donate a spinal cord. Even if there is, it wouldn''t necessarily match, sir. I''ve asked about this in several hospitals, but they don''t provide it."


    Hearing about this, I immediately lowered my head, covering my eyes with my palms. Now, I felt like I wanted to cry but I couldn''t and it hurt so much.


    Suddenly Dr. Jeong said as if bringing a glimmer of hope to me, "I have a few patients who are willing to donate some of their organs. I''ll check later if anyone wants to donate spinal cord."


    I immediately held Dr. Jeong''s hand, saying to him gratefully, "Thank you, doc! Please, do your best for him, I''m begging! If you want me to do something, just say so! As long as I can, I will!"


    Dr. Jeong smiled. "We can only hope for the best, sir."


    I smiled too.


    A few moments later, I asked, "So when can he have surgery?"


    "Ah, we will do it as soon as possible, sir, if Mr. Park''s condition is getting better this week, we can do it next week," Dr. Jeong replied.


    Dr. Kang added, "Yes, that''s right. I''ve also seen some of the tests and there are some things that made us have to postpone the surgery. I''ve also discussed this with the surgical oncologist and decided to have surgery next week if the tests are successful."


    I didn''t say anything. I just thought that next week was too long. However, considering that they were more knowledgeable about the procedures, I could only agree without any comment.


    Shortly after, Dr. Jeong said as he handed me a piece of paper, "Sir, all stage four cancer patients in this hospital will be asked for approval whether they will donate their organs or not. So, please give this to Mr. Park. I hope he will¡ª"


    But, before Dr. Jeong had time to finish his sentence, I was already up and grabbed the collar of his coat. I yelled furiously right in his face, "You said you would do what''s best for him! Then, what do you mean by asking him to donate his organs?! So this was just a covert intention from you two, huh?!"


    Dr. Jeong and Dr. Kang looked surprised.


    Dr. Kang tried to calm me down, "Sir, sir, listen, it''s a procedure in this hospital. We''ll do our best to save his life. However, it''s just a preparation in case we fail."


    Dr. Jeong added as he tried to release my grip on his neck, "Right, what Dr. Kang said is true. We will do our best. The approval letter is just in case."


    Their words didn''t make me feel any better, even get angrier. But, since my hope was in the two of them, I immediately released my grip, suppressing my emotions with difficulty.


    Tiding up his coat, Dr. Jeong continued, "Mr. Park is my patient. I can''t possibly take advantage of that. So, please give this to Mr. Park when he wakes up. He is free to choose whether he wants to donate his organs or not." Paused for a second, he continued, "And you can leave now. I''ll contact you again if I need to discuss something with you."


    I gritted my teeth while clenching my fists tightly, glared at both of them angrily.


    And, with no choice, I immediately snatched the consent letter from them, then left the room by slamming the door.


    On the outside, my anger slowly faded, replaced by a deeper sadness, even I felt a tremendous pain in my chest that couldn''t be painted in words.


    I looked at the letter as I was about to head to the room where Chunghee was being treated. However, finding it very difficult to show this letter to Chunghee, I stopped in the middle of the hospital corridor, staggered aside and leaned against the wall limply, then slumped to the ground helplessly.


    I clutched my hair, feeling a mess for the day. The feeling of dilemma, sadness, anger, fear, all of them felt stifling in my chest. I had a mixed feeling that made me be at the lowest point.


    I looked at this approval letter for a long time and smiled ironically. Seeing what was written in this letter made me have a bad feeling about this.


    However, I kept trying to convince myself that this was not the end. Dr. Jeong said Chunghee was a lucky person, and I hoped he would stay this lucky.


    The only thing I hoped for now was the doctors. I just couldn''t lose Chunghee too soon.


    I just found him. Even though our togetherness wasn''t based on love, I still didn''t regret anything. If I did regret it, I couldn''t have stuck with him this far.


    As long as I could be with him any longer; take care of him; and treat him well; then that was more than enough. He didn''t need to love me that fast. I could wait for him to fall in love with me again. But, what''s important now was how comfortable he felt when he was with me.


    So, I wanted him to fight for life one more time so he could give me a chance to prove all my words.


    The passersby in this corridor kept on staring at me. They might see me stressed, but I was more than that. I felt so miserable with this situation because it was too much hurt to lose someone a second time.


    [1] Poor life expectancy.

 Chapter 182 - The Last Snow [END]

    Amid a lot of mental stress that I felt today, suddenly the sound of the cell phone in my pocket made me awake. I was in a daze for a while like a person who had just risen from the dead. I even forgot where I was now; why I was in this place; what was I doing here; and why I cried. Until Dr. Jeong''s words suddenly flashed through my mind, making me realize that what I was facing now was much harder than before.


    I took my phone out of my pocket, and as soon as I saw it was just a call from A Yeong, I carelessly ignored the call and went back to my previous thoughts.


    More and more, my tears were getting heavier so that I struggled to keep my voice from being heard by people in this place.


    I hung my head to hide my face and then raised my hand, covering my eyes filled with many tears of agony with my palm so that passersby wouldn''t see how pathetic I was now.


    I didn''t expect myself to cry in front of the crowd, showing how dreadful I was with this situation. No matter how hard I tried to hold back these painful tears, all I got was extreme pain like I was about to burst my eyeballs.


    Finally, after trying hard to quiet myself down, I managed to control my feelings. I then wiped my tears, then tried to stand up with my trembling legs. And, after making up my mind, I started to walk to the ward.


    As soon as I opened the door, Chunghee turned his face towards me. He opened his eyes slowly; he even had trouble opening them.


    Forcing a smile, I slowly stepped towards him, hiding the paper behind me. However, even so, he seemed to notice it, so he asked in a feeble voice, "What ... is it?"


    I sat beside his bed, trying to change the subject, "I''ve talked to Dr. Jeong, he said if your condition getting better, next week you can have surgery. So don''t think too much about something, okay?"


    However, I was indeed a person who wasn''t good at hiding something from him. So, Chunghee didn''t even care about what I just said and asked the same question as before, "No ... It''s not what I mean ... what is it?" He glanced at the paper I hid.


    Finally, having no choice, I showed the approval letter with a heavy heart while saying, "This is an approval letter in this hospital if you are willing to donate your organs."


    Chunghee was stunned for a moment but didn''t seem frightened at all. He even said lightly, "Are any of my organs still healthy? If there are, yeah, I''ll sign it. But I''m having a hard time holding onto a thing, so will you sign it for me?"


    I instantly froze, not moving an inch.


    Until Chunghee asked me once again in a low voice, "Daehyun, please, sign it for me."


    I gritted my teeth, saying, "This letter is only an option. Promise me you''ll get through this, okay?"


    Chunghee nodded his head weakly in response.


    Hesitantly I grabbed the pen on the table and signed it with a heavy heart as if it was crying out loud on each ink stroke.


    After signing the letter, Chunghee suddenly said, "I have to stay alive, right?"


    For some reason hearing those words, my heart broke. I held his hand, saying as if spitting out the pain from my bleeding heart, "Chunghee, you must stay alive. Don''t leave me alone or I will feel guilty for the rest of my life."


    Finishing my words, Chunghee''s face suddenly turned sullen. "But ... you''ve sacrificed a lot for me and I always bother you ...."


    Hearing his words, I couldn''t help but embrace him. "You don''t bother me at all. I told you, right? I''d even be glad if I could do something for you. I just want to ...."


    Before I could finish my sentence, tears burst out in my eyes again, pouring a lot of remorse into my heart. I said while sobbing, "I ... just want ... to be with you in my entire life ... dammit, I''ve never been this crazy with someone else, you know."


    There was a feeling of fear and anxiety within me that couldn''t be disguised by just a line of faking smiles.


    "Daehyun ...," he said, patting my head gently, "I ... never intended to leave you ...."


    Hearing those words, I spontaneously tightened my arms. I couldn''t lie to myself that those words made me feel so much better as if a dim light was now getting bright gradually and seeping into my mind. It soothed my heart which had mourned from the pain all this time.


    I knew that Chunghee had said hurtful words to me too many times and I knew that I was in pain because of them, but I still choose to stay with him until now. Even if it hurt me, I wouldn''t mind at all after seeing how he smiled at me.


    If I needed to bear the pain of everyone on this earth to make him smile all the time, then I would do it even at the cost of my feelings.


    Didn''t people already know that I was crazy about him?


    Even the world knew how crazy I was of him.


    Unfortunately, the world was mute, unable to express what it knew.


    Moments later, Chunghee suddenly spoke, "Daehyun, when I''m sad, you''re the only person who is always there for me ...."


    I lifted my head slowly, looking at Chunghee''s face. As soon as I saw his face, tears suddenly welled up in his eyes.


    I smiled at him, said while wiping his tears with my thumb, "I''ll never leave you. I seem made to keep watching over you. So, please, fight once again to get through all of this, okay? Don''t make me be out of my job because I lost the person I''ve been taking care of."


    Finally, Chunghee smiled. "I''m ... trying."


    His voice was quiet, his cry also slowly disappeared, leaving traces of tears in his eyes. I said, still smiling bitterly, "You''ve been crying too much lately. It''s enough, okay? Your eyes are too puffy now."


    "I lost the person who has always accompanied me for many years. Even though in the end, our relationship had to end up like this, I couldn''t help but cry for him ... he has given me happiness and pain. How can I not cry over all that?" with a pause, he continued, "But, you ... because of you ... looks like I have to learn to forget him from now on ...."


    There was a long pause between both of us until he said again, "I left him in early winter last year when the first snow fell in December where it should have been a great day to welcome Christmas for many people. But for me, it was the worst day ever of my life," paused, he continued, "Now, it''s the end of winter. It''s been three months ... this is far from what I expected."


    I kept silent in stillness.


    Then, he said again, "Daehyun, I''m happy. I just want to thank you because ... I wouldn''t have been able to stand this far without you ...."


    The words were so sudden and the expression on his face was shocking me.


    There was genuine sincerity in his quietness when he said his words but I knew ... there was a grief he hid.


    The words didn''t make me pleased at all. If it was possible for me to yell at him not to say such things, then I would do that.


    But, I didn''t have the heart to yell at him. I would never do that!


    It was just I didn''t want to make the atmosphere between us get awkward, so I said, "I''m glad to hear that. Thanks for saying that."


    Chunghee seemed to be struggling to carve a smile on his face until finally, he managed to paint a smile once again. Even though it seemed forced, for me, his smile was always beautiful and precious.


    He closed his eyes slowly, saying in a whispering voice, "Thank goodness ... I guess I should rest now."


    Sobbing, I caressed his cheek and continued to stare at his face like a glimmer of hope that I always took care of.


    However ...


    What he promised me today where he wanted to stand and never leave me alone were lies ...


    His words were lies ...


    But, what could I do?


    The reality was awful. No matter how much you hoped for something better, it wouldn''t do anything other than make you cry harder.


    Our conversation on that day was the last time he opened his eyes.


    After that, day by day his condition got worse.


    Until one night, when the last snow fell at the end of winter in February, I hugged him tightly in my arms while I kept crying over him ...


    ''Thank goodness ... I guess I should rest now.''


    It was the last sentence that I heard of him.


    In my arms, his body was cold ... and getting colder.


    His skin was pale ... and getting paler.


    And, the death was coming to him, leaving a smile on his face.


    Finally, his tears stopped ...


    His pain stopped ...


    Now, he didn''t need to pretend to be okay anymore ...


    He no longer needed to suffer and only needed to welcome the infinite senses of peace that would make him smile all the time to wait for the second life.


    Now, I knew why Chunghee said that he was going to rest. It was because boundless quietness was already in the edge of his eyes ¡­


    Yeah, this was the best way because the world was so cruel for a good man like him.


    "Chunghee, get some rest. You don''t have to push yourself anymore from now on."


    ___________END___________

 Chapter 183 - Extra: Kim Daehyun

    One week after Chunghee''s death, all day long my heart just continued to be shrouded in deep sorrow as if this world was a narrow space that locked me in extreme grief, sadness, despair, and I was dying inside.


    At first, I thought that this gloom wouldn''t last long, so I intended to stay in this city any longer and learn to make peace with myself to live a better life in the future.


    However, in reality, day after day was so hard for me to live. Every day I couldn''t stop thinking about him, like a drug addict.


    I had waited for two decades, but what I got after finding him was permanent grief. Separated for years and when I reunited with him again, he cruelly left me for good.


    No one had ever hurt me so viciously like him.


    But, I wasn''t angry. I didn''t hold grudges either.


    It was just that I felt very sorry. The day after his death, at his wish, he was buried in a cemetery in Jeju Island. I also donated the money as he had told me, wherein he even didn''t have much money on his card, only around 1,000. It wasn''t even enough for the funeral expenses.


    As far as I knew, Donghwa was a prosperous person, he could even buy a luxury apartment and live there with Chunghee. But, why was he so willing to let his lover live on his own money while they were still together?


    However, I couldn''t do much and let what had happened between them pass.


    For now, Chunghee deserved a more decent funeral, so I fulfilled it.


    The two things I kept were the ring I gave him and his cotton coat, which even today, I could still sense the scent from his body.


    On the second night after his death, I started to feel very frustrated. I locked myself away for days, spending those days only by crying until there were no more tears to roll down my face with endless sorrow.


    It was the first time I felt the most painful thing after my mother''s death.


    Until one night full of chaos, my father came without a pity. With anger and disappointment in his eyes, he smacked me as a useless kid and I accepted all of it without a fight, even I fell unconscious and woke up on a different night in a hospital.


    That''s pretty crazy.


    As I get hit by blow, I wish he would kill me that very night, so that I could end this suffering.


    I immediately understood how Donghwa suffered from being abandoned by someone he loved, and maybe more than what I felt right now.


    Wait...


    Perhaps, I already knew it for a long time, but was just reluctant to admit it, because a fit of strong anger and hatred had wiped out my senses at that time.


    I sometimes laughed, then suddenly became sad, remembering how Chunghee left me without saying goodbye.


    Our meeting was sudden and our separation was also sudden. Black clouds covered the blue sky, but it didn''t rain for a brightening day. That''s how I had been feeling this week. It was really hard to explain in clearer words.


    I was standing right in front of a gate that read: "Leaving to Peace". This was the place where Chunghee rested from all his wounds, and I immediately stepped in, holding a bouquet as a present for him.


    In front of me, there was a tomb with a white headstone and well-groomed. I couldn''t help but smile with a hint of immense sadness when I saw it. Then, I crouched down, placing the flower on the grave. I rubbed the gravestone gently and smiled ironically.


    There were words engraved on it:


    Rest In Peace


    Park Chunghee


    27 April 1982 - 23 February 2014.


    "Hi, Chunghee. I came to visit you. I''m sorry for not visiting you earlier. You know, I almost lost myself these days. But, now I''m feeling better."


    Hearing my own words, I chuckled a little. I didn''t know who I was talking to, to a grave? The question was, would the person lying in this grave listen to my words?


    But, I didn''t care. I just wanted to talk to him today.


    "You know, I want to tell you something. Do you remember the design you designed when you were still working at TU Company? I found it, Manager Hye also promoted it. It will be in production soon. Unfortunately, you can''t sit on the podium with me when it''s released ..."


    I paused for a moment, thinking that what I had just said was unimportant. I smiled sillily, and changed the subject, "Chunghee, it''s only been a week since you left me. The length of this one week was only in terms of numbers, but going through it with so many heavy things to bear like this, it feels like going through a year. What if it''s one year?"


    "If you ask me about my days this week, I''ll be honest with you, that it didn''t go well. I was depressed. For five days I was like a person with a mental disorder. So, I decided to come to see you today, and hope that you will give me a solution."


    "You expect happiness for me, right? You told me once when we lived together, but you didn''t even accompany me at this time. How can I get that happiness? How? While the happiness that I had hoped for was gone a week ago. If you know how to get another happiness you once said, please tell me."


    "I sometimes wonder, why it''s so easy for you to say impossible things like that ... can''t you see how sad I was when you say such cruel things? It hurts me so much, Chunghee. It hurts me so much. If you did see that sadness in my eyes, then it''s much sadder than what you see. Therefore, please don''t wish happiness for me unless it is you who will make me happy."


    "And now, I have to lose you. Do you know what I''ve been thinking about these five days? I''ve always thought, what if I kill myself?"


    "Heh, but this is a little ridiculous. I don''t know why but I find it ridiculous. You said you would live with me, but you''re lying. Why didn''t you stick around for me any longer?"


    Remembering this, sadness welled up in my chest, like it was burning my heart, but soon I quelled it with a sigh and a genuine smile. I continued to speak with hope, "Chunghee, If in the second life you meet me again, don''t expect me to let you go. You promised me too many times in your previous life, then one day I will collect those promises. So, prepare yourself for my madness later."


    "Therefore, I will always wait for you. No matter how difficult the day is, I will always wait for you. Even if you still dedicate your feelings to him, I will still wait for you no matter what."


    Even though those words sound far-fetched, I, myself seriously said those words. I wouldn''t let him go so easily next time.


    I took a deep breath, then said the important thing deeply, "You know, lately, my father has been pressuring me with a lot of things. I can''t stand it. So, I decided something. I will be leaving this country the day after tomorrow."


    "Staying here any longer would be suicidal. I was under a lot of pressure. A lunatic like me is crazy enough for even more depressing things. I tried to last a week, but I finally gave up. As I said before, one week was like a year to me. I wasn''t strong enough."


    "However, as long as you know. Wherever I am and no matter how old I am, I will still love you no matter what. You were the first person who made me fall in love, so please, finish this for me one day." Smiling, I continued, "Then I''ll go first. See you one day."


    After saying that, I immediately left with a heavy heart. Now and then I look back, hoping that the day I had been waiting for would come one day.


    Since then, I had been trying to stay alive. People wouldn''t know what I had been up to all this time, but I knew for sure that I was taking on a lot of promises from someone, which, one day, I would have to collect all of them.


    I had been waiting for one person since the beginning and now, I would still be waiting. Therefore, I thought that ¡­ I wouldn''t fall in love again if it wasn''t for him.


    ***

 Chapter 184 - Extra: Secretary Yoon

    My name was Yoon Hoonsik. I worked for Mr. Lee for seven years. He was a tough guy and didn''t like hearing his employees complain. People even felt reticent to him. But, on the other hand, people would never know that he was a generous person and always thought of the people in the agency.


    One day, he asked me to pick up Mr. Park at the company he worked for and take him to a hotel. When we got there, Mr. Lee was also already thereby standing in front of the hotel. He then opened the car door but didn''t sit inside.


    At that moment, unexpectedly, both of them kissed. I was surprised, and it seemed that Mr. Park was also surprised. However, on the contrary, Mr. Lee was acting casual. He even asked me casually, "Are you disgusted? Don''t work for me if you are disgusted. Feel free to resign."


    I felt awkward but tried to smile, answering ''no'' as appropriate. After that, I found out that they were lovers. Mr. Lee often sent Mr. Park flowers and asked me to book a place to celebrate their anniversary.


    It Didn''t matter. I didn''t mind at all. I was even proud to see the compatibility of both of them.


    Mr. Park was a warm person, treated me like family. When I came with flowers from Mr. Lee at their house, Mr. Park often gave me a sneak, saying, "You shouldn''t have to send flowers. You can use a courier. Here, I just made a cake, taste it."


    I would never forget how good that person was. There was no reason to criticize him. Mr. Park also often said, "Tell Donghwa to come home in the afternoon tomorrow." Of course, I delivered a message to Mr. Lee right away. When Mr. Lee heard it, he would be delighted, even people had never seen his cheerful face like that. Only Mr. Park could make that arrogant face melt and beamed.


    However, these past few years until now, Mr. Lee and Mr. Park''s relationship wasn''t good. I didn''t know the cause, but recently, it all came to light that their relationship was broken because one of them had an affair. It was Mr. Lee.


    I wasn''t sure that Mr. Lee was really having an affair. I assumed that Mr. Lee was just using the kid for fun because those years he was swamped that he rarely came home.


    But, again, it was just an assumption. I didn''t know for sure. I was just assuming what I saw and knew about Mr. Lee and Mr. Park''s relationship.


    After they broke up, that''s where I knew Mr. Lee was really depressed. He looked very miserable; very rarely came to work; even lost how he used to be. Every time I looked into his eyes, there was only emptiness and despair in them, as if in his daily life, there was only an endless sadness.


    He looked too miserable. Mr. Lee had indeed gone through a lot of changes in recent times. Not only from his attitude, where he hadn''t talked much and lost his assertiveness, as well as his arrogance. A significant change also occurred in his physique, even I was taken aback. His skin was pale and his body was even thinner than before. Also, his hair was starting to grow gray, and the wrinkles on his face were becoming more and more obvious, especially in certain areas, such as under the eyes, at his thirty-two years of age. He was still young, but he looked very chaotic and had lost his youth due to romance, so he looked ten years older than his actual age.


    I was sure it wasn''t because of his deteriorating health. Rather, it was because of thinking about all the painful things that concerned him and Mr. Park.


    After they separated, Mr. Lee never looked after his condition again. He drank too much and was under a lot of pressure at working. Alcohol and cigarettes. Both were like his life partner lately. Although I often reminded Mr. Lee about his current cardiac condition, he was a stubborn person and didn''t want to hear anyone''s advice.


    Until the last day we met, he looked very different. If normally I would have seen how much pain he was in through face or eye contact, at that moment Mr. Lee looked just like before when we first met.


    However, oddly enough, he often smiled. Even the people in the office wondered and were astonished.


    I didn''t suspect anything at the time. I thought he had already accepted their separation, so I never asked him about it directly.


    That day, after dropping him off, I saw the documents left in the back seat. I hastily returned to Mr. Lee''s apartment.


    Since our place was quite far apart, it took about half an hour to arrive.


    However, what I witnessed was truly terrifying. Mr. Lee was already lying in a pool of blood helplessly. On his wrist was a deep horizontal slash, cutting through his veins, allowing blood to seep profusely from there.


    After learning that Mr. Lee was still breathing, mindlessly, I immediately contacted the hospital.


    In this precarious situation, I didn''t know where to contact anyone, while Mr. Park, it was already impossible to tell him. So, after some thought, I decided to contact Mr. Bae, as far as I knew they were already like brothers.


    Mr. Bae was also shocked to hear the news and immediately rushed to the hospital. He had a worry on his face. He grabbed Mr. Lee''s hand, then asked me in an almost trembling voice, "Yoon, why did this happen?"


    However, all I could say was what I saw. Mr. Lee was in a coma for two days due to too much blood loss and drug overdose.


    Until on the second day he suddenly mentioned Mr. Park''s name several times, so Mr. Bae asked him to clarify what he meant.


    Mr. Lee said in a weak voice, "Let me hear Chunghee''s voice ..."


    At that time, Mr. Bae tried hard to contact Mr. Kim and even came to his office, but no avail.


    And in the end, Mr. Lee breathed his last without hearing Mr. Park''s voice.


    How he asked for that, made me feel sorry for him. But what should I do? Mr. Park''s number was inactive anymore, and the only person who could deliver the news was reluctant to pick up the phone.


    In the end, Mr. Lee died without a word that he left except for a letter to Mr. Park and also an inheritance sheet.


    But, sadly, the bad news was heard again. One week after Mr. Lee''s death, Mr. Park caught up with him, said Mr. Kim a few days ago.


    It was shocking news that I got after I mourned the loss of a Boss.


    I didn''t even expect that I shed tears. However, I wasn''t surprised. I also deserved to feel lost and grieving. In all the years working with them, getting to know them both was lucky.


    Now, I could only hope that they would meet again to tell about how much they still loved each other without anything to hide.


    ***

 Chapter 185 - Extra: Bae Yunhee

    Under the multi-story building, I stood there for a long time, staring up at the fifth floor, smoking occasionally. It was the floor where Donghwa lived. Because today some of their belongings in his apartment were for sale, so I came to take a look.


    There was a lot of cardboard piled up in the yard. Seeing them, I became curious. So I rubbed the tip of the cigarette against the car door, then walked over to the pile of cardboard.


    Hoonsik said, some of the goods would be thrown away; some would be donated and the rest would be sold, then the money from the sale would be donated either.


    Out of curiosity, I crouched down and opened one of the cardboards. Inside was just a bunch of paper, a few paper clips, and a broken palaroid camera. I took a piece of paper and read it.


    However, when I had just read the first few sentences, I couldn''t help but smile when I found out that this was a love letter.


    I had known Donghwa for five years, but I never knew he was as romantic as the one in this letter.


    In this letter, it said 2002. And when I opened the others, some were 2003. I closed my smile with a fist and assumed that that year he must have worked hard to get Chunghee.


    Because of this, I couldn''t help but mutter, "You did your best, man."


    After all, Donghwa was indeed a hard worker. He would keep working for a living as well as for his love affairs. It''s just, I didn''t know if he was a gentle person when he talked through letters.


    During this time, I knew him as apathetic and indifferent to the people around him, even if they were dying beside him. He was arrogant and tough. People only had an image of the haughty figure. Even though he was good when people got close to him and knew what his character was like, still, he was a hard-headed arrogant person. It was ingrained in him. No one could change that, not even Chunghee, his own lover.


    About three years ago, he came to me, saying that there was a boy who was always chasing him. He said the boy looked like Chunghee when they were younger and joked that he had shown the boy his ring and said he already had a partner.


    However, still in the same year, he came to me once again, but with a bad appearance. I asked him, "Why is your face so wrinkled?"


    He, with a gloomy and angry face, replied, "I had a fight with Chunghee."


    "Why?"


    He was already too drunk, but he still kept drinking alcohol. Even so, he still managed to respond to me well, "I found Chunghee cuddling with someone else. I warned him not to get too close to anyone, but he really did that behind my back. Dammit. I''ll kill that man. I won''t hesitate to kill him for touching mine."


    I didn''t really care at the time, so I just said indifferently to mock him, "Then, what about you? You''ve slept with several women, isn''t that cheating?"


    I watched him, he seemed to be in a really bad mood, so I tried to advise him, "Don''t be so suspicious. Park isn''t that kind of person I think. That person must be a co-worker of him."


    He snorted in annoyance. "That person was already clinging to him when we were in college. I didn''t expect he''s still that clingy to this day. Because of him, now I have to be a bad guy to Chunghee."


    Frowning, I asked, "What did you do to him? Don''t tell me you beat him up. You''re really going too far."


    "I''m just doing what your partner should do when they''re jealous."


    From then on, I knew that Donghwa was overprotective and possessive in a relationship. I had guessed that if one-day Donghwa didn''t change those two traits in him, then his relationship with Chunghee wouldn''t last much longer.


    And now, it happened, didn''t it?


    Three years after he said that to me, they both ended up like now.


    I smiled ironically.


    Ever since finding out the two of them were a gay couple, I had never been bothered at all. Whoever it was, male or female, still it was love. They both were a golden couple. Chunghee, who wasn''t a complainer, and Donghwa, who was stubborn. They both complement each other.


    When he first introduced me to Chunghee, I could guess that Chunghee must also love him more than Donghwa knew. However, whether it was Donghwa being stupid or being insensitive, he didn''t seem to see that in Chunghee. He only knew that "Chunghee is his and loves him" but didn''t know how deep Chunghee loved him.


    Thinking of the relationship between them, I suddenly felt funny in my heart. I didn''t think there was anything more ridiculous than their relationship.


    After looking at the letters, I accidentally saw a black medium-sized rectangular box in another cardboard. Curiously, I took it out after closing the previous cardboard, then opened the box. Inside was a wallet, a watch, and two silver rings ¡ª of course, they belonged to both of them.


    I smiled, suddenly feeling pity. Then, I stood up, took the box to the backyard to burn. Before burning their belongings, I first looked at them one by one. Started with the wallet. There was a photo of Chunghee in it. Judging by his face, this was when he was around twenty-two to twenty-three years old. I smiled and threw it into the fireplace. Next was a watch. This had always been worn by Donghwa throughout his life, never even replaced even though he had a lot of money to buy hundreds of brands like this. But he said, Chunghee bought this for him, so he didn''t want to use anything else. The last one was the couple''s ring. I looked at the rings one after another and found that the color of the inner side of the ring had faded.


    I just shook my head, thinking that no matter how often you say love words, it wouldn''t last if it was just words without any action.


    They had been in a relationship for a decade. But, it seemed their past years had been too much of a charade that this was how it all ended.


    After burning it all and making sure there was nothing left, I muttered, "Rest in peace for both of you."


    After that, I went back to where the belongings were, waiting for a truck to arrive.


    Until a few minutes later, the truck and also Hoonsik arrived here.


    When everything was loaded, I hurriedly drove to a bar where Donghwa and I often spent a break time, reminiscing about our friendship. After all, no matter how indifferent I was to him, he was still the best guy I ever had.


    He was stubborn, apathetic, arrogant, and short-tempered. But, when I had a hard time, he was the only person who stood by me.


    "Lee, next time, use your brain to think about how to make decisions in your love affairs. Now, what? I''m being alone because of your silly act."


    ***

 Chapter 186 - Extra: Cho Sunyeon

    The city was gloomy in the early spring.


    The flickering of the city''s colorful lights was just a gloom that made my sadness deeper in the days.


    Next to the bedroom window, I sat leaning my forehead against the frame, contemplating the many things where everything was focused on only one person, Donghwa. But, I preferred to call him ''Brother Lee''.


    I liked him although we were seven years apart.


    However, from the past until now, he never wanted to accept me even though we had been together for three years.


    Three years ago, at the age of twenty-two, I struggled to support myself by working in a bar as a prostitute. It was just a compulsion, from the bottom of my heart, I didn''t want to sell myself at all.


    It was drizzling that night. I wasn''t having any customers, so I was undecided as to whether I should be grateful or not. No customers, that meant no money. That''s what I always thought when I was in the world of prostitution.


    Until I accidentally saw a man sitting alone drinking vodka. I watched him from afar and found that he was handsome. That was my first impression of him.


    In the next days, he came to this place more and more often. And since I was new at the time, so I didn''t know if he was an old customer or a new one. However, I still ventured to talk to him, and apparently, he was an indifferent person. He wouldn''t even glance at me.


    Until one day, he got drunk. Jay said that the man''s cell phone was off and couldn''t reach Secretary Yoon to come to pick him up. So I naively took him to my rented house.


    That night, he suddenly grabbed my arms, pinning me down on the bed. Then, he smiled but I knew that smile wasn''t for me when he mentioned someone else''s name.


    Chunghee.


    Yes, Chunghee.


    The name was still clear in my mind.


    I had guessed that the man already had a boyfriend from the ring he was wearing.


    At that time, he forced me to have sex. I refused because he was drunk. I was worried that tomorrow he would blame me ¡ª and sure enough. Since I wasn''t strong enough to put up a fight, I lost, and he fulfilled his lust that night.


    However, the next day, he scolded me and accused me of being the one who had teased him first, then he threw the money away and walked away like I was just trash.


    From that day on, I realized that this job was really bad.


    However, having no other choice, I had to keep fighting to support myself in this city.


    The days had passed. Unexpectedly, he paid me more often for sex, and from then on our relationship was also closer because I always teased him.


    If he said that I was the one who flirted with him all the time, then it''s true.


    I was clingy to him. I didn''t even mind if he used me for free.


    One day he got mad at me without me knowing what I did wrong. He hit me and brought up unclear things. However, after I opened his cell phone, there I knew that he was fighting with his boyfriend and taking his anger out on me. It often even happened in the following days.


    Until I couldn''t stand how he treated me as a tool for sex, so I got mad with him. I asked him to break up with his boyfriend and throw the ring away.


    However, of course, it was stupid to act like that. After saying that, he treated me even worse and almost killed me. And from that moment on, I didn''t dare bring up anything else about his relationship with his boyfriend.


    He had also warned me and given me a choice: "don''t be jealous to stay with me or just leave". And, I chose the second option.


    I had been a fool from the start, where I fell in love with him for the first time and didn''t care if he married someone.


    Although almost every day when I saw the ring on his hand made me hurt, the stupidity of loving him too much made me able to accept the pain continuously.


    It hurt. Almost every day I cried just because of that little thing.


    However, there was a day when he came to me for sex in a fit of rage ¡ª furious. So, I couldn''t refuse or I would die.


    Surprisingly, from that moment on, he spent more time with me. He even offered me a job to work for the agency he worked for, and of course, I didn''t waste the opportunity.


    Gradually, I felt like I didn''t fit into the job, so he offered me to be his assistant, and I accepted for sure, being his assistant meant I would be with him all the time.


    Seemingly, we got closer back then, he even bought an apartment for me to live in. I thought everything he did back then was because he accepted me.


    However, when he fought again with his boyfriend, apparently he didn''t hesitate to throw me away. I couldn''t accept that. For three years I kept quiet and became his mistress in another city, but he suddenly dumped me? I would sue him.


    But, when I asked him to come back, all I got was that he insulted me.


    I couldn''t help but smile bitterly. My heart ached and I wanted to cry again when I remembered Brother Lee bring up something about my old self again where I was a prostitute. I never expected that I would hear those words after three years of our relationship.


    Remembering that was so painful. However, just as I was about to leave and forget about him to start another life in a different place, the shocking news sounded like a high voltage electric that made my blood stopped flowing instantly.


    I wept. I didn''t think, the day he wished me "happy birthday" was the last time I saw him and the only thing I kept from him was the watch he gave me on my birthday.


    Two days after Brother Lee''s body was cremated, I asked Hoonsik to give me some of Brother Lee''s stuff, but he refused and said he would give them to Chunghee.


    But, now what? About a week ago, I heard the news that Chunghee had also died from an illness he had. And as soon as I asked for Brother Lee''s stuff again, Hoonsik said that they were all burned.


    That really disappointed me.


    Amid this thought, my cell phone suddenly rang in silence. Seeing it was a familiar number, I immediately picked it up, "What''s going on?"


    "Sunyeon, long time no talk to you," a familiar voice sounded on a different line, "And about Mr. Lee ... I''m so sorry."


    It was Jay Nam, a bartender at the bar where I used to work. Hearing those words, I took a silent breath and smiled bitterly without a word.


    He asked, "Are you going abroad after this?"


    "No," I answered in a low voice, "I canceled my flight."


    Jay sounded pleased, "Ah, thank goodness. It would be better if you stayed here."


    "I know. I''ve decided not to leave this country. If I stay here, I can also come to the columbarium to pray for Brother Lee."


    Yes, I thought staying in this city was the right choice. Brother Lee once told me that his family was just his lover, but now his lover had also gone after him, and maybe they had met now in the afterlife.


    However, as his mistress, I would still send prayers for the one I loved.


    ***

 Chapter 187 - Extra: A Letter For Park Chunghee

    Dear Chunghee,


    How are you doing out there? Do you eat well?


    Since the last time we met, you look much thinner than before. I''m sure that it''s not because Kim didn''t take good care of you, but that you refused to take care of yourself. Don''t act like that. Don''t torture yourself just because you hate one person.


    From now on, don''t hesitate to ask Kim anything, he will give you anything you want.


    Not like myself.


    A few days ago, I visited Seoul University. I see not much has changed. The park you frequented also didn''t change, even the atmosphere over there didn''t change.


    As I sat there, I remembered how we used to spend a lot of time in that park and I suddenly felt nostalgic for our youth.


    Back to the past. From the first time I saw you, I somehow felt that we were the right match. I thought I admired you, but as time went on, I felt that the feeling I had wasn''t just admiration, but love. So, from then on, I ventured to confess my feelings to you. And since it might seem rushed, what I got was a rejection.


    Since then, I''d been chasing you like crazy. I still remember, at that time I confessed my feelings six times, and six times I got a rejection from you. Luckily, by the time I confessed my feelings once again, you finally accepted me. You just don''t know how happy I was that I couldn''t sleep, worried that what happened that day was a dream.


    I just want you to know.


    After visiting the university, I went to my hometown which is in Gwangju but didn''t stay there long. I intend to go back to my old house and meet my parents to apologize even though it''s quite late. However, the house had already been sold by them. There were two kids who said that to me, who called me ''uncle''.


    Am I that old? Maybe so ... I''m starting to turn gray too.


    Then, I went to the grave of your parent in Jeju. I came just to apologize to her for not being able to take care of you. I feel ashamed. But, what can I do? I once promised her to always be with you, but in the end, I didn''t keep that promise. If she lives, what do you think she will do to me? Smack me on the face? It''s not even worth what I''ve done to you.


    It''s really hard to say that to your parent. I even endured it for days, even now.


    I can only hope that she will forgive me one day.


    For today, the weather in Seoul is terrible, even it has been going on since a few days ago. Many people complain because of the weather. One of them is an elderly couple who lives a few doors from our place. You know them, don''t you?


    A few days ago she had been nagging because her plants were freezing, but instead, she blamed her husband. I just smiled seeing their close relationship.


    I thought at the time if only we didn''t break up, I want us to be like that elder couple. I want you to nag me with love. It must be great. If only we can make our dream come true to live together until we get old; and when we retire one day, we will spend the rest of our lives in Jeju, and reminisce about our youth. Imagine, how wonderful those times will be.


    However, how old are we now? We even need to take years more to make the dream come true but in the end, our relationship ended halfway.


    This is my fault. It was my fault from the start.


    Chunghee, I''ve been feeling unwell lately. My chest often aches, maybe because of the cardiac issue that I have. It hurts so much. Cigarettes and alcohol, all of them make me suffer. But, what can I do? I can''t get away from them.


    However, if you come to me one more time, and ask me to stop, I won''t hesitate anymore. Unfortunately, no matter how often I wait for you to come home, you wouldn''t want to fulfill it, would you?


    Then, my emotions are also unstable. When I''m alone, I sometimes get angry and hate myself, then suddenly regret it. I also often feel sad and cry, but once I see the world and its people, I want to always smile even though my heart hurts.


    I''m actually a crybaby. You know that, right? You also know that I often sulk too. But, why did you take me seriously then?


    I was angry at that time. I know I was angry. But, why did you take my words seriously when I was angry? Why did you leave when I asked you to leave? Why did you leave me?


    I sometimes laugh when I ask myself the questions but I ask them anyway. Am I right to ask you something like that?


    You already gave me the answer that time. I shouldn''t have to ask anything.


    Chunghee, I''ve been missing you a lot here. I''ve been missing you more than ever before. I don''t know why either. I just keep feeling restless. I want to meet you one more time. If you don''t want to see me, then don''t see me and look away, just let me take this chance.


    But, unfortunately, you will never let me.


    Therefore, every night I dream about you. It''s a nightmare because in my dreams you always leave me. See? Even in my dreams, you still don''t want to see me, let alone in the real life.


    Back then, you were always waiting for me. Now, it''s my turn to wait for you, even I was through the new year alone. But, I''m not as strong as you who can last long enough. For me, one day is driving me crazy.


    I''m angry with myself and I''m disappointed in myself.


    Chunghee, is this wrong? Is that why God is giving me trouble right now?


    In the past, I left my parents for someone precious to me. But, now, someone I considered most precious left me, leaving me alone ...


    Chunghee, tell me, am I wrong?


    But, if this is indeed a mistake, I have no regrets at all.


    With you, I regret nothing.


    The only thing that makes me regret in this world is my failure not to keep our relationship until the end.


    During this time, I have given you a lot of suffering and hurt you. I have ignored your feelings where you love me a lot. I''m stupid.


    You should have smack me in the face harder when we met. I want you to punish me with your strength. Not saying the word ''break up''. I''d rather be hurt physically than hurt in my heart and your words at that time managed to silence me.


    I''m sorry.


    No matter how many times I say ''I''m sorry'', I know it''s useless.


    When you said how hurt you had been during our meeting, I thought that I had truly made you suffer all this time.


    However, there was something that made me pleased at the time. When I asked you if you regret being with me and you said ''no''. It will be something I will hold on to until I die.


    Thank you.


    In exchange, I will keep my promise. You don''t want to see me, do you? You also want me to disappear from your life, don''t you? Alright then, I''ll gladly do that.


    Although I don''t know the meaning of ''disappear'' you said at that time, so I did something according to my own understanding.


    I will leave and disappear as you wish and I can assure you that I won''t regret anything.


    I also thought about disappearing a long ago as I believe that in that way, you will return home and we will meet again even though our worlds are already different.


    After all, what''s the point of me living in this world?


    Didn''t I also say that I can''t live without you? It''s not just words.


    I don''t want to suffer any longer. I don''t want to die because of this suffering. So, I choose to end it by myself before God used the cruelest way to end my life.


    Chunghee, I''m sorry.


    But, I don''t want to leave without giving you anything. So, I leave money for your medical expenses. Use it. Let Kim cover your living expenses while you''re with him, but let me cover your medical expenses. I only want to leave a good impression on you. During this time, I''ve always left a bad impression on you, so give me this one chance.


    Regarding the land, I''ve asked Hoonsik to sell it and donate the money. And our house, what do you think? You no longer live there, so Is it for rent or should it be sold? It depends on you. If it''s for sale, don''t sell it too cheaply and overpriced. People won''t want to purchase it.


    Well, I think it''s time to say goodbye.


    This is the first letter I''ve written after years of quitting, and it will also be the last letter from me.


    I''d love for you to read it to find out what''s in my heart if it''s possible because I would never say something like this directly to you. I''m shy to express my true feelings through my lips, so I''m writing you this letter.


    And, if you''re reading this letter, can I ask you something?


    If in the next life we ??meet again, will you give me one more chance? I promise, when we meet again, I will be a better person for you.


    People say that the dead will not bring their evil to death. I also knew my mistakes, so in the next life, I will ind you, and say, "Chunghee, let''s make up."


    However, I don''t want to rush. I''ve been rushing in my life right now and in the end, I failed. I don''t want to fail a second time.


    You, enjoy your life now. I can still wait for you.


    No matter how long you make me wait, I will always wait for you.


    Lastly, one thing you should know that I still love you a lot. Even if the earth is not willing and the sky is reluctant to give us a blessing, I will always love you.


    You are the only one I love in my entire life.


    Regards.


    Lee Donghwa, the person who always awaits and loves you.


    Seoul, February 13, 2014


    ***

 Chapter 188 - Chit-Chat (No Need To Open)

    Don''t be too serious. Open this chapter using a free voucher only. Save your coins. (¡ä?£à) __________________________


    Mao, as the author of this book, just wants to say something unimportant here.


    First of all, thank you very much for continuing to follow this novel until the end. I am very happy that there are still good people like you guys who still want to read this novel. Hohiho~


    Thanks for leaving comments, sending gifts, and voting!


    I also apologize for all the flaws in this novel, especially in writing. I know that this novel still can''t compare to the quality novels on Webnovel! I know! Since this novel is finished, I will edit it little by little although I don''t like reading my own novels. (I''m shy to read my own novel hahaha) (¡ä¡÷£à)


    Actually this novel is a novel that I translated from my language into English.


    So, actually this book has 3 volumes, including:


    1. Love Me Once Again For A Year


    2. Dedicated For A True Love (vol. 2)


    3. I Fall In Love Too Deep (vol. 3)


    Explanation:


    1. Volume 2: Tells the story of Park and Lee in the past. Since they were still in college to work. There are some scenes from volume 1 which are discussed again here and of course, there are additional characters.


    2. Volume 3: It''s a sequel. Tells about how Kim Daehyun passes his days after Park Chunghee died.


    Why don''t I continue? Because in this novel (English version), there are some parts that I changed but didn''t change the plot and I don''t think I need to upload those two volumes anymore. Besides, I''ve been working on this novel for almost FOUR YEARS, and I''m tired. e_e I need something new!


    Um, about the characters'' names. Actually, I don''t know much about how to write names in Korean.


    For example, Lee Donghwa. I don''t know if writing this name should be: Lee Dong Hwa, Lee Dong-hwa, or Lee Donghwa. I''ve looked into this in several articles. Most explained that the 3 syllables are spaced, like "Lee Dong Hwa". But, I''ve also told my friend and she said "Lee Donghwa" can also be used, so that''s what makes me stick with it. Hoho


    Maybe, if you guys know more about this, you can share the knowledge with me so I can change it later. :3


    _______


    Um, if you guys want to read the synopsis in volume 2 (which I''ll NEVER UPLOAD), go ahead:


    Park Chunghee was a person who never wanted to open his heart to anyone. After knowing that his feelings were a mistake, he began to avoid his feelings so as not to fall in love with anyone for 6 years.


    However, after the death of the most precious person in his life, his grandmother. Park Chunghee felt that he had lost a lot of things inside of him, be it love or attention because the only person from whom he could get those things was his grandmother.


    His grandmother was the only family he was so close to. How come? His grandmother had cared for him for years, since he was only five, after an accident that left his mother dead and his father going nowhere.


    One day, he accidentally met someone. And after that meeting, that person kept trying to get closer to him even though Park Chunghee always tried to avoid him. No matter how hard Park Chunghee was to stay away, that person would do the same.


    Lee Donghwa. A stubborn, sloppy man. He was at the same university as Park Chunghee and took the same studies. From the first time he saw Park Chunghee, he had an unwavering desire to win his heart. Even he was always being ignored, he was like a stubborn person who no longer had any shame on his face, or maybe he had gone insane? ...


    "What''s wrong? Come on in. It''s getting colder," while saying, Lee Donghwa gently brushed off the snow on Park Chunghee''s hair and smiled.


    Park Chunghee was still looking at him. He pushed himself to speak and finally did, "Lee, thanks for helping me. I owe you one. So if you need some help, I''ll help you."


    "I... I don''t want that..." Lee Donghwa scratched his head that didn''t itch.


    "Then, what do you want? Just let me know. You''ve already helped me, so I should also do the same for you."


    Lee Donghwa lowered his face, gritted his teeth tightly, then lifted his face again and spoke with sincerity, "I want you to love me."


    Lee Donghae''s eyes sparkled as he looked deep into his eyes. He then continued to say vaguely, "I really love you at the first sight, so will you love me too?"


    Park Chunghee almost lost his mind after hearing these words. He never thought that during the week this person had been missing, he still had such feelings for him.


    "Please, give me a chance. I will do my best for you."


    Hearing this, Park Chunghee slowly lifted his head. He looked at Lee Donghwa''s eyes more intensely and smiled weakly, "Do you love me or do you just like me? These two things have different perspectives, you know. So... don''t play with me by just liking me and then you will leave when you are bored with me."


    "I love you!" while saying his words firmly, Lee Donghwa grabbed Park Chunghee''s arm with careful eyes and almost couldn''t believe it, "I love you so much. I really love you. I want to live with you, like any other couple, and spend old age together and die together."


    After being in a relationship together, they start to get into some problems that are difficult for them, even having to sacrifice some of the most important things in their lives.


    Not once, twice, but the trouble came so unexpectedly, like a sudden storm.


    (So, in this volume I''m using pov 3)


    ***


    If you like the plot that makes your braid spin, maybe you can take a look at my other novels. Or, if you don''t mind, please help me out by adding them to your collection! ^O^ Thank you!